Unto My Grace
by KittenOfDoomage
Summary: SISFIC. When Sam left for college, Alex Winchester decided that she'd had enough. Enough of trying so hard. She took off and forged her own life away from the boys. Five years later, destiny and danger brings her back to her family, and secrets that were to be protected need that even more so. Rated M for violence and language and other...stuff. Spoilers all the way through, folks.
1. Chapter 1

**Before I start...**

**I am new to the fandom. Supernatural was something that had been on my list to watch for many years, and this year I finally got around to watching it. Cue major fangirling. I've been a Spuffy fanfic author for a long, long time, so coming into a new fandom as an author is pretty daunting for me, and I've seen some of the seriously nasty flaming that goes on around here. As with the Buffy fandom, I feel that there will always be some flames, but this is a community where people can put their own ideas out, and I don't feel that should ever be criticised, unless constructively done so. I'm gonna post this first chapter, and see where it takes me.**

**Secondly, I'm aware that sisfic has been done. I'm nowhere near reading through all of the fics on here (I think I'd probably be dust before I could finish reading them), but the sisfic idea caught me from the start. Especially the character of Alex Winchester, which has been done several times, and done very well. I'm a Calex shipper, but I'm also a Destiel shipper too if that makes sense. In fact, I ship pretty much Dean, Dean and more Dean most of the time. But this fic stuck in my head and I had to write it down.**

**Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. But this is my imagining of Alex, and my story of family. Because that is what draws me into the series most. Family. (And Dean topless, but that's neither here nor there!)**

**I hope you enjoy this.**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything of SPN and whilst this imagining of Alex Winchester is my own, I must give credit where credit is due to the authors who created her first. River Winters is an amazing author and had me shipping Calex from the get go.**

**Pairings: There is a pairing in mind here, and it will become apparent (if it hasn't done so already) but mostly this story is about family.**

**Rating: M for violence and language. May be some more adult themes later on.**

**Summary: When Sam left for college, Alex Winchester decided that she'd had enough. Enough of trying so hard. She took off and forged her own life away from the boys. Five years later, destiny and danger brings her back to her family, and secrets that were to be protected need that even more so.**

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**Indiana, November 2008**

The house was silent, no noise from the neighbours; even the barking dog four doors down had shut the hell up for a change. The night air was muggy and the open window gave no relief from a breeze, the curtains remaining stubbornly still. She turned, kicking the sheet off, cursing the hot and close atmosphere in the master bedroom. Stilling, she listening intently for any sound from the room across the hall. None came, and she closed her eyes once more, wishing the hackles on her neck would stop standing to attention so she could get some sleep.

_Something_ wasn't right.

A creak came from somewhere within the dwelling, and her eyes snapped open again. Her hand slipped to the hidden compartment below the mattress, concealed under the wooden frame of the bed. A few milliseconds later, and the ornately carved hunting knife was in her tight grip, and Alex knew she wouldn't be sleeping for the rest of the night.

Another creak sounded and it was closer, and she was upright, sliding off of the bed, not caring that she was only wearing a small pair of pyjamas shorts and a camisole with a cuddly panda on it. She flicked a stray strand of hair from her eyes and scowled at the door, creeping forward silently to pull the portal open. She never shut the door fully. Looking into the darkened hallway, she saw that the door opposite was open a crack too; as it normally was.

Her footsteps were silent on the carpet, and her heart rate remained steady and she crept to the opposing room, pushing the door to reveal the bed contained within. She smiled softly as she saw that James remained asleep, cuddled up in amongst his soft toys and Cars duvet set.

The creak came again, and her head snapped towards the stairs, her hand reaching out to pull the door almost closed. He wouldn't wake; she'd make sure of it.

Alex moved towards the top of the stairs, keeping close to the wall, the hunting knife held out in front of her like the weapon it was. If anything was coming for her, she'd strike first, and her first strike would be lethal. She could hear footsteps now, on the laminate flooring in the kitchen. There was _someone_ in the house. Her grip on the knife tightened. Looking over the top of the stairs, she saw a shadow move from the kitchen into the living room, and whoever - _whatever_ - it was, was breathing heavily. She took a silent and deep breath of her own and moved down the stairs.

The shadow was still, and she wondered briefly if he'd heard her, but then he moved again, and she continued forward, preparing herself to attack. Rounding the corner into the living room, the figure had his back to her. She could see now he was definitely male, and dressed all in black. His hair was thin and dark, and either he was bluffing, or he hadn't sensed her presence yet.

He turned, and black eyes flashed at her. She didn't make a sound as she moved towards him, before he could use any of those fancy demons tricks and send her flying. Her knife entered his skin smoothly, but he didn't even flinch, pulling the weapon from her grip and closing his hand around her throat. Alex struggled, fighting against him, breaking his hold on her and scrambling away. He'd thrown her knife on the floor and was coming at her again, pushing her towards the wall.

She'd been expecting this, and knew they'd eventually break through the wards on the house. She didn't question how; that would wait for later. Right now, she needed to kill this son of a bitch before he went for his real goal.

He came bearing down on her again and she ducked under his outstretched arm, going for her knife. She couldn't kill him with it, but she could hurt him, then exorcise him like she'd been taught.

Alex reached her weapon, and turned, but his fist collided with her face and she went down, dazed. She didn't hear the door burst open; she could only focus on the fact that her vision was swimming. She had to keep the demon focused on _her_.

Then his shadow was no longer upon her, and a fight was happening. The demon went over her couch, crashing into the table with a loud racket. Alex shook her head, pulling herself to her feet, blinking as a flash crossed her vision and the demon was instantly a corpse on the floor. She raised a hand to her head, scowling when it came away red with her blood; fucker had got her good. Her hair had come out of the messy ponytail she'd left it in and was pooling around her shoulder, shrouding her face.

She stumbled backwards, dizzy and feeling sick. Strong hands caught her shoulders and held her as she collapsed to the floor. She was so out of practice. Not good.

Someone was speaking to her.

'Ma'am? Ma'am are you okay?' The voice was familiar. But she couldn't focus. _Don't pass out. Don't pass out. Seriously, don't pass out._

'She's been clocked pretty bad. Maybe a concussion?' A second voice, again familiar.

_Don't pass out. _The room was spinning now, despite the strong arms holding her.

'Maybe we should call the police.'

'No, no, too many questions.' Alex blinked, trying to clear her head but she couldn't and everything was going black. Her hair was being pushed out of her face. 'This cut is pretty deep...wait...' Silence. A small gasp from one of the voices.

'No...'

_Don't pass out._

'How in the hell?' The first voice sounded pissed. She was drifting, she couldn't hold on.

'Alex?'

_Goddamit Alex Winchester, do NOT pass out._

She passed out.

* * *

She didn't know what time it was when she finally opened her eyes again, but she was laying on the couch in her front room, and the sun was just beginning to turn the room pink. Her thoughts immediately flew to James upstairs, and she was upright in a second. Then the nausea hit again and she clutched her stomach.

'Whoa, slow down.' Alex looked up at the origin of the voice, sat on her desk chair next to the couch she'd been laid on. Her eyes widened at his face and she felt twice as sick.

'Sam?'

Her floppy haired younger brother smiled and nodded, pointing over the other side of the couch to her elder brother, who leant against the door to the living room, his arms folded in a classic "I'm pissed" pose.

'Dean?'

He looked at her, and she knew he was beyond angry with her. She wasn't surprised.

'What are you guys doing here?' Alex swallowed as she looked back to Sam.

'We were kinda gonna ask you the same thing. I mean, you obviously aren't hunting. Dressed like that.' Sam paused. 'Are you?'

'No, no, I, er, I live here. This is my house.' She swung her legs off of the couch. Another wave of nausea hit her and she paled. Sam held out a hand.

'Take it easy. You got hit hard.'

'Hits never used to take you down so easy, Alex.' Dean said from his position by the door. His tone was bitter, and she looked over her shoulder at him. 'What changed?'

'I did.'

'Was that before or after you ran out on us?' She opened her mouth to start but Sam grabbed her hand.

'Dean, stop it.' He ordered, and Dean looked as if he was going to argue, but stopped. Alex looked to her younger brother and raised an eyebrow.

'You quit?' He asked softly, and Alex stared at him for a moment.

'Not right away. After...after Dad...and you...' She sighed. 'Things are complicated.'

'How?' Sam asked. 'Are you married?' He looked down at her hand and the lack of wedding band. 'This is a pretty sweet get up, Alex. Is there a guy here? Is that why you never came back?'

She shook her head. 'No. This is all mine. I earn well.'

Dean scoffed. 'Doing what?' Alex glared at him.

'Internet stuff you wouldn't get, jerk.' He scowled and Alex sighed heavily. 'There's beer in the refrigerator.' Her elder brother paused, and then moved away, out of sight. A few seconds later, the fridge door opened and she could hear the clanking of bottles. It may have been early in the morning, but she knew that after a hunt, beer was usually required.

Even if she hadn't seen any of her family for years.

'So what happened?' Sam asked gently. 'After...'

'After I sided with you about Stanford?' Alex sighed again. 'I drifted. Hunted. I thought about coming back but...'

'You pussied out?' Dean supplied, along with a beer. She took it and gave him a look that could kill.

'No I didn't. I just...couldn't handle Dad again.'

'You know he's dead right?' Dean practically snarled. Alex flinched. 'You spent months doing nothing but arguing with him. We looked for you, after you left. Dad dragged me all round the country. And we couldn't _find_ you. He thought you were dead, Alex!' She snapped, and stood, ignoring the dizziness as she yelled back at her brother.

'And I'm sure he cared a hell of a whole lot. The girl was gone, the girl he had to protect. Couldn't break a nail or anything could I?'

'Mommy?' The small voice from the doorway made all three of the occupants freeze. Alex turned, paling visibly at the little blonde boy in the doorway. 'Mommy?' He rubbed his eyes, looking warily at the two strange men in his house so early in the day. Alex dropped the beer bottle she was holding and moved to the boy, scooping him up in her arms.

'Hey, sweetie, it's okay.' She shushed him.

'Mommy, you're hurt.' Dean and Sam watched with matching expressions as the little boy brought his hand up to trace the injury on his mother's face. 'Was it the bad men?' Alex smiled and nodded.

'They're gone now.' She turned to look at her brothers, a pleading look on her face. 'I'm going to take him back up to bed. You stay here. We'll talk.' She disappeared up the stairs. Dean turned to Sam.

'You buying this?'

'She doesn't seem to be lying, Dean.'

'I don't care. There's something going on here. I'm gonna find out.' Dean started forward, but Sam was in front of him in an instant.

'Dean...don't...just let me go okay?' The eldest Winchester scowled, then nodded, letting the youngest take the lead. Sam nodded in return, then headed up the stairs, following the sound of Alex's voice as she got the boy back into bed.

'You just need to go back to bed for a couple hours, okay sweetheart? It's too early to be up. You know there's only one day you can get up this early.'

'That's Christmas Day, right Mommy?' A small chuckle from Alex.

'Sure is, kiddo.' Sam's heart clenched. He'd heard those words from his dad so many times. But she wasn't like their father. Not in that way. 'Now, get some sleep and maybe tomorrow we'll go get icecream yeah?'

'Who are those men, Mommy?' The boy's voice sounded tired. 'Are they bad men?'

'No, honey. No they're not. We'll talk tomorrow okay?'

'Okay.'

Sam stood in the hallway, watching as Alex leant over and placed a kiss to her son's forehead, pulling his duvet up around him. She stepped back, seeing James close his eyes softly, and then she left the room, pulling the door shut slowly. She turned, her eyes meeting Sam's. He looked back at her, a small smile on the corner of his mouth.

'It suits you.'

'What does?'

'Motherhood.' He smiled genuinely and Alex felt compelled to run forward, throwing herself in her brother's arms. He wrapped himself around her, holding her tightly as she hiccuped a sob back.

'I'm so sorry, Sammy.' She whispered. 'I couldn't come home. I wanted to but then...then James happened and I couldn't put him in danger like that. I don't want him in the family business.'

'Hey, hey.' Sam pulled back, smoothing back her hair from her face. 'You got out, sis. I'm proud of you for that.'

'It dragged me back in though, huh?' She sighed, wiping the tears from her face. 'Dean hates me, I get that. He's like Dad; he won't approve. But this is all...it's very complicated.'

'Look, come downstairs. I'll keep Dean on a lease. But we're gonna need to know everything.' Her eyes dropped and Sam felt her withdraw. 'Something is going on here. We're gonna _need_ to know _everything._' He emphasised and Alex raised her eyes back to him and nodded reluctantly. Sam took her hand and pulled her gently towards the stairs. 'Come on.'

Walking back into the living room, the atmosphere tensed palpably and Alex looked to Dean, who was sitting on the back of the couch.

'So. We gonna talk?'

She nodded. 'I'll tell you everything. But you have to promise me that you won't get freaked out. At least, not until I've finished.' Sam nodded, and Dean glared at her. 'Dean...' Her voice took on a warning tone.

'Fine! Okay. Just get to it.' He folded his arms, and Sam moved from beside his sister to sit beside his brother.

'Well...after I left you guys-'

'Five years ago.' Dean provided and Alex glared at him. He held his hands up. 'Sorry.'

'I moved around for a few months. I knew you were looking for me, so I kept low, taking small jobs and hunting out of areas that we'd not usually go to. I ended up in Washington.' She sighed. 'I couldn't face Dad, Dean. I was angry with him. He was so focused on finding Yellow Eyes that...he was making us into weapons. I saw what he was doing to Sam and I was pissed. So I left. I didn't think he'd miss me, he'd always said I was a liability cause I'm a girl, and I knew you'd be okay. Sammy was at school...I needed some time.' She looked back towards the stairs. 'I was gonna come home. Then...' Another sigh escaped her lips. 'I had been feeling sick for days. I was tracking a ghoul out of D.C, managed to kill it, and passed out. Some college kids found me and took me to a local hospital. They ran tests, checked me out, and informed me that I was two months gone. I freaked. I didn't know what to do. The hospital loaded me up with literature and sent me on my way. I kept local to the area for a while but with no money...so I hit the road and ended up here in Indiana.'

'What about the father?' Sam asked, and Alex hesitated, linking her fingers together. 'Alex?'

'He isn't in the picture.' She didn't give anymore. 'I picked out a town, found an apartment and started working in a diner. The owner was a nice guy and I helped him out a bit with his computer and stuff, and I ended up doing some other jobs around town. By the time James was born in 2004, I was running a little business from home working with websites and databases and I had enough money to rent a decent house. Used my original name, since my record is technically clean. I figured you guys would think I wasn't stupid enough to use my real name.'

'Smart.' Sam tilted his head in acknowledgement of the idea.

'Wait. So you've been here _all_ this time, living the apple pie life?' Dean asked, unfolding his arms. 'And you never gave us a straight answer. Where is James' dad? Does he even know he has a son?'

'I don't know.' Alex mumbled.

'Let me get this straight. You screwed some guy, wasn't _careful_ and didn't bother to contact him to tell him?' Dean's big brother voice was on full angry mode. 'How could you so stupid?'

'Dean...' Sam admonished.

'No, she's done something stupid, she needs to stand up and recognise that!'

'I didn't do anything!' Alex blurted out, clenching her fists. 'There was no one!'

'What the hell do you mean by that? One night stand? Quick booty call. Considering the amount of stick you gave me about that-' Dean started but Alex cut him off, lowering her voice to practically a whisper, uttering the words she had never even told her son.

'James does not have a father. There was no one.'

'So this is what? An immaculate conception?' The eldest Winchester asked, confusion written over his face. 'You the new Virgin Mary or something?'

'No, don't be stupid, I've been with plenty of guy-'

'Whoa, whoa. Baby sister...TMI.' Dean held up his hands. 'I get it, not a virgin. But you can't seriously think that there wasn't a guy _involved_ somewhere here right? It sounds...'

'Stupid?' Alex offered, and then her shoulders sagged. 'I know. I've asked myself a dozen times how it's possible. But it happened. _He_ happened. And I have to protect him. You have no idea how much I wanted to find you, to come home to you. I kept in touch with a few hunters, kept an eye on the papers. But I stayed away, for him. To keep him safe.' She looked away from her brothers. 'I couldn't put him through what we went through.'

'But he is in danger now.' Sam looked between his brother and sister. 'Whatever wants him, wants him bad. That's what that demon was here for.' Alex nodded. 'We followed the attacks here. People have been murdered in town, reports of black smoke and sulphur.'

'James' kindergarten teacher was first. And the crossing guard. The postman went last week. I got scared. I knew the signs, but I had no one...I have friends here but not the sort that understand this crap. I had no one. I haven't had to face a demon in years.' Her face crumbled as tears gathered in her eyes. 'So you can hate me all you want but...' A choked sob escaped her throat. 'I've never been so happy to see anyone in my life. Both boys stared at her for a moment as she dissolved into tears. 'I don't know why they want him. All I know is, I have to protect him.'

Sam went to move forward, but Dean was already there. His arms wrapped around their sister as she collapsed, distraught, the events of the night catching up to her. 'God, Alex...you should have called.'

'I-I tried, but your numbers had changed...I didn't...I don't...I can't let anything hurt him.' She was crying in earnest now and Dean's eyes raised to meet Sam's.

'We won't let anything get to him, Alex. I promise. We're family right?' She nodded almost imperceptible. Dean's face set into a determined expression. 'We're Winchesters. It's what we do best.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I'm feeling a bit braver about this now. No one has flamed me, so I'm gonna assume this is getting a good reception! Anyway, here's chapter two, standard disclaimer applies, and the summary is in Chapter One, although if you're here, I'm assuming you already knew all that!**

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**Indiana, November 2008**

There just over eighteen months between Alex and Dean, with Dean being the eldest. Alex had always protested this gap, but to Dean, he _was_ the eldest and she was his baby sister; ergo it was his job to protect both her and Sammy. Which was probably why she spent a good portion of her life trying to piss him off as much as possible. From her first date with Tommy Jewiss when she was twelve, to smoking a cigarette behind a cinema when she was sixteen - she'd tried everything to make Dean realise she was not much younger than him. But he was _big brother_ through and through.

And she couldn't be more grateful right at this moment.

Sat on the couch in her living room at a time of the morning when normal people would be fast asleep, the sun young on the horizon, she had one brother either side and for the first time in ages, she felt _safe_. Because with all three of the Winchester siblings together, there wasn't much they couldn't face. They may have been estranged, and they may have their problems, but with a singular goal in mind, they were a force to be reckoned with. And every cliché that could go along with that.

'So, what do we know?' Sam asked, leaning forward to pluck their dad's journal from the bag. Alex's eyes widened as she saw it.

'You have Dad's journal?' She eyed the book warily, wondering exactly what it contained. Dean nodded, taking it from his brother and handing it to his sister.

'Comes in handy. There might be some clues as to what they want with James.'

Alex nodded, holding the book in her hands gingerly. She wondered what else it contained. Their dad wasn't much for keeping his personal thoughts and feelings on paper, but she didn't know every detail of what they'd been up to since she left. She knew the basics, through certain channels; she knew Dad was gone, she knew something big had gone down with the Yellow Eyed Demon he'd been chasing since their mom was murdered. But she didn't know everything.

'So what has happened?' She asked quietly. 'To you guys. You seem more...focused than last time I saw you.' Both boys looked at her, and she looked intently at the book. 'I mean, you weren't exactly aching to join the family business when I last saw you, Sammy.'

The flopped hair youngest Winchester looked down at his hands. 'After Jess...' He glanced up, meeting his little sister's grey eyes, and knew instantly that she _knew_. 'I didn't think there was any point trying again.'

'What about you?' Dean questioned. 'You were worse than me, striving for Dad's approval. You were one of the best and you just...quit?'

'I had incentive.' She replying, her gaze going past Sam to the door. 'I couldn't...I never imagined being a mom. But when he was born...no before...I knew I couldn't go back. Hunting Wendigos and werewolves, ghosts...it was no life for a kid. Hell, it was bad enough we were dragged into it. No child should grow up that way.'

'You weren't scared?' Sam asked hesitantly.

'I was terrified.' Alex chuckled. 'More than anything I wanted to call Dad. Call both of you. But I was more scared...'

'That we'd be disappointed?' Her younger brother offered and she nodded.

Dean's mouth set into a thin line. 'I wish you had called. Nothing's more important than family, Alex.' She waited for the berating remarks she knew were coming. 'And all this time, we've had a nephew we never knew about. Dad was a _grandpa_ and he never knew.' The smile on her elder brother's face was shocking to say the least as he laughed a little under his breath. 'He would have been thrilled about that.'

'And you never thought James would be better off...with someone else?' Sam knew the question was dangerous, even as he said it, Alex pulled backwards to look at him with a frown.

'No. I never questioned it. He was safest with me. I would never give him up. It never even crossed my mind.' She sighed. 'Even when the midwives said I would be better off giving him up. They were...' She looked down. 'Concerned. Had to have some physicals and stuff, and being a Winchester comes with it's fair share of scars. The one I got off that spirit in Illinois on my stomach? That raised some questions.'

'Yeah, I remember. Dad pitched a fit over that. I was supposed to be watching your back.' Dean grumbled, picking up the beer he'd opened earlier and taking a swig.

'We should get on with this. James won't sleep more than another hour or so.' Alex cleared her throat.

'So we know that it's demons right?' Sam took the diary and thumbed through it.

'Definitely demons.' She affirmed.

Dean grimaced. 'How'd it get in?'

'I don't know. I check the salt lines every night. There's devil traps painted on the floorboards under the carpets.'

'The one by the back door was broken.' Sam said, and Alex raised an eyebrow.

'Angels?' Dean asked, and Alex's other eyebrow went up.

'Angels?' She repeated. 'Angels are a thing now?'

Her eldest brother nodded. 'Sort of. We've got a lot of catching up to do.'

She took a breath. 'Sounds like.'

'I guess we call Cas?' Sam asked Dean, who shook his head.

'Not yet.' Dean muttered, casting his green eyes around the room. 'Let's get the wardings fixed before James wakes up. We'll figure out where to go after that. You got anything edible in the house?' He changed the subject abruptly.

'Yeah...uh, wait. Who's Cas?' Alex questioned and Dean tilted his head a little. 'Come on guys. I need to know this stuff. I know I'm out of the loop and we've been apart for a while but...'

'Castiel is an angel. The angel who saved Dean from Hell.'

Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open. 'Saved Dean from _where_?' Dean stood suddenly, turning for the kitchen.

'It's not important.' He moved away as Alex shot her eyes to her little brother, seeking out an explanation.

Sam took a breath. 'Things got...Dean died. For four months he was in hell.'

'And you didn't...I didn't...oh god, Sammy you should have tried to find me.'

'Dad was gone. We never talked about it. All I knew was you were out...or gone. I accepted it. Maybe it was wrong but...'

'You would have know if I was gone.' She thought for a moment. 'I knew. Something was wrong and I knew. But I...I thought I was going crazy. I've been unsettled for months. Then this all happened and...' Tears welled in her eyes. 'I should have come home. I shouldn't have stayed away.'

'Hey, no, Alex...you were doing the best thing for James. You got out. You did the right thing. You have to believe that.' He slipped an arm around his sister. 'You have to believe that.'

* * *

Dean stood hunched over the counter in the kitchen, his thoughts a mess. He could hear the whispered talk in the other room, but paid it no mind as he thought of the events leading up to this. He was tired. They'd driven all night and then searched for information all day. The reports of deaths and black smoke had brought them here and it hadn't taken long to find a demon for information. He'd given them an address before they'd ganked him, telling them that they'd get the boy they wanted. And it had led them here.

They'd sat in the car for a while, watching the house. When the demon had shown up and slipped around the back of the house, they'd wasted no time in following. Dean wondered now, if his heart had pounded so hard as they approached the house because he _knew_ his baby sister was in there. It deeply ingrained that protecting his family was his most important job; not even Hell had changed that.

And that little golden haired boy...seeing him once; hearing him call Alex "_Mommy_". Dean loved him instantly. To a Winchester, family was more important than anything. He'd die for his siblings and now he'd die for James.

Alex had changed. She was harder, leaner. She said she hadn't been training, that she'd left it all behind but she still moved like a hunter. The looks had changed - her dark hair was long now, instead of the pixie cut she'd sported in her childhood. Dad had always insisted she kept it short, because long hair was something the monsters could grab. She'd hated it, but Dad never took no for an answer.

So lost in his thoughts was he, that when Sam dropped a hand on his shoulder, he jumped. He looked around, panicking a little.

'You okay?' Sam asked, looking at his brother in concern.

'Where's Alex?'

'She went to check the doors and windows. What's up?'

'She got _out._ She was free of all this, Sammy. And now she's been dragged back in. Her and her son. She got _out_. How is that fair?' He sighed, running a hand down his face. 'I looked for her. I thought she was dead. And a small part of me was holding on to this dream that she'd found someone, settled down. Lived a normal life. And she has. But _they've_ dragged her back _in._ One of us was out.'

'She can still get out, Dean. We take care of this demon, they can go back to their lives.'

'You and I both know that once a demon wants you, they aren't going to stop until they've got you or they're dead.'

'What?' The small voice came from the doorway and both Winchester brothers turned to face their sister. Dean stared at her; she looked so small and fragile that he wanted to throw up. Alex had fought from the day she was born; against their dad, him, demons, _everything._ And now she looked like a soft breeze would knock her over. Her face was swollen from crying, and residual blood still trickled from the cut on her forehead. She had found her knife again, and held it tightly in her hand. 'What could they want him for?'

'Your son is special.' The voice came from behind Alex, and she jumped, whirling with the knife held in a shaky hand. Castiel stared at her, his gaze flickering to the knife. 'That will not kill me.'

'As long as it hurts.' Alex threatened as she backed into the kitchen. Dean frowned at the angel.

'Cas?'

Alex recognised the name and looked back at her brothers, raising an eyebrow. 'This is Cas?'

'Why are you here Cas?' Sam asked. Castiel moved into the kitchen, his eyes moving to each human individually.

'Your son is special.' He repeated. 'He is wanted by both demons and angels. He will be a powerful weapon in the apocalypse.' Dean gritted his teeth, wondering why angels apparently skipped the line for tact.

'A weapon? He's a four year old boy!' Alex gritted her teeth. 'No one is taking him.'

'He would be safer in heaven, Alex Winchester.' Cas' tone was even. Alex glared at him.

'You can't have him!'

Dean held up his hands. 'No one is taking him anywhere, Cas. We can figure this out.'

Castiel fixed Dean with a look. 'The demons must not take him.'

'And they won't, okay-'

'Mommy?' The timid voice echoed through the house, followed by light footsteps down the staircase. Alex's eyes went wide and she bolted past the angel. Dean looked to Sam, who nodded and followed his sister, who passed him the knife as he entered the hallway. In seconds, she was scooping James from the stairs and holding him tightly.

'You okay, baby?'

'I feel sick, Mommy. My tummy hurts.'

'Okay, sweetheart, let's check you out okay?' James didn't fight as his mom carried him into the kitchen, shooting wary glances at the angel stood watching them. Alex set him on the side by the sink and ran a hand over his forehead. 'He's burning up.' She grabbed a dishcloth, running it under the cold tap. As she turned, Castiel stepped closer and Alex held out a hand. 'Don't come near him.'

Castiel ignored her and Dean stepped forward. 'Cas...' The angel threw up a hand and Dean was immobilised. Alex glared at him again, her eyes promising pain.

'I mean it.' The angel came closer, and James grabbed his mom's arm, fear showing on his sweaty face. Alex pressed back, scowling as Castiel got closer and reached out an arm. 'Stay back.' He still didn't listen as he reached up and touched two fingers to Alex's forehead. In a second, the residual dizziness and nausea from the head wound were gone, along with the wound itself. Without stopping, Cas touched James' forehead aswell, and then stepped back.

He turned to Dean and Sam. 'I healed them. She had a head wound. The boy had contracted influenza. I thought it would be easier this way.'

'Oh.' Sam cleared his throat. 'Thanks.'

'I feel better, Mommy.' James announced, and Alex turned to him, running a hand down his face. She smiled, and picked him up, placing him on the floor. 'Who are those men?' The little boy asked, and Alex crouched down to his level, pointing at Dean.

'That is your Uncle Dean. He's grumpy but he's the bestest big brother ever. And that -' She pointed to Sam. 'Is your Uncle Sammy.' Sam rolled his eyes at the use of "Sammy". 'Only special people can call him Sammy, though okay?'

'Do they kill bad monsters like granpa did?' James asked, and both brothers' eyes widened at that. Alex looked up at them.

'I never kept anything from him. He knows monsters are real.' She looked back to her son. 'Yeah they do, sweetheart.'

'I dreamed they did.' The boy said, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. 'I dreamed him too.' He pointed at Castiel.

'Huh?' Dean frowned. Cas moved again, crouching down to James's level. Alex eyed him warily; even if he had just healed them both, his earlier words terrified her. She reached an arm around the front of her son, grasping one of his hands in her own, holding it tightly.

'My name is Castiel, James Winchester. And I am here to protect you.'

'That's what you said in my dream.'

Castiel smiled a little, reaching out to place his hand over Alex's and James' entwined ones. Warmth spread through her skin, and she looked up, locking grey eyes with Cas' astounding blue gaze.

'I'm here to protect both of you.'

* * *

'What do you mean, you're here to protect them?' Dean asked, when Alex had taken James upstairs to get washed and dressed. Castiel stood in the kitchen, opposite Sam and Dean, who presented a united family front.

'Exactly what I said, Dean. I am here to protect both of them.'

'You said five minutes ago that you would take James to Heaven to protect him.'

'And I would. If that was what Alex wanted. My instructions are to protect the Winchester boy. He is important, and the demons will stop at nothing to take him.'

'Why?' Dean demanded, trying to stop the boiling hot rage inside him.

'He is to be used as a weapon.'

'He's a four year old boy, Cas!'

'I am aware of his physical age.' The angel replied coolly. 'However, in many years he will be a force to be used for good or evil. It is important he is shown the right path.' His eyes slipped to Sam. 'Some were intended for this path and have slipped without supervision.' Sam swallowed hard.

'So you're gonna stick with him until what? He goes to college? Gets married?'

'None of those things exist in James Winchester's future.'

'Horseshit.' Dean spat. 'He was out. He doesn't know this life.'

'It is required that he must. He was destined for this as much as you were.' Castiel pointed out. Dean raised his hands in aggravation and dropped them again.

'Being a Winchester is like being cursed.' He muttered, stomping off away from the angel, who was staring at Sam. The younger brother shifted uncomfortably under the angel's gaze. Castiel didn't move.

'So do you...uh...know how he came to be...I mean, like how Alex got pregnant? Cos she says there wasn't a father...' He trailed off as Castiel's blue eyes twinkled.

'I do.' Sam waited, but Castiel did not continue.

'And?'

'And I believe that is private information for Alex to hear alone.' Castiel responded. Sam rolled his eyes and followed his brother's move. Castiel watched him leave and then followed, tilting his head to the side in the manner he usually adopted when he did not understand human behaviour. 'Have I said something wrong? Isn't a child's parentage something that the parents should know first?'

'Not when it involves my baby sister.' Dean said, raising a finger towards the angel. 'I wanna know how she got knocked up.'

'Alex is as special as her son. She was destined to be the mother of a great warrior and a warrior herself.'

'Spare me all this destiny crap. She was fine. This has separated her from her family for nearly five years, Cas! What if she'd needed us? What if we hadn't been here tonight?'

'I was prepared to help. I knew you would get here in time. You were to be reunited all along. Her being with you for all of those years would not change the outcome of what occurred.' Cas looked confused as he glared at Dean. 'I do not understand, or appreciate your anger. I am here to protect those you love, is that not helpful?'

'_I_ protect those I love, Cas! Me! It's _my_ job!' The eldest Winchester practically exploded.

Sam flinched at the anger in his brother's words. He knew Dean was pissed about all this, but he didn't realise the depth of his brother's perceived failure to protect his family. 'Dean...' He reached a hand out, but Dean shrugged it off, turning away.

'Leave it, Sammy.'

* * *

**Illinois, July 1995**

Alex winced as she rolled over on the forest floor. The sky was dark above the trees, and through her blurred, bloodied vision, she could see the twinkling of stars. But her vision was darkening, and she could feel blood slipping through her fingers as she clutched her stomach. She'd been so stupid, running off to prove a point to her father that she could find the remains and burn the bones herself. Another impulsive head on decision that had left her with no back up.

She was at least a couple of miles from the cabin. The woods were vast, and there was no saying when her brothers and father would find her. Chances were, she would be dead by then. And she hadn't even made it to her sweet sixteen.

As she sighed heavily, feeling the darkness creep around her brain like a welcoming blanket, she smiled. Maybe this was it. Maybe she'd finally be _out..._

Warmth spread through her belly and she thought she could see the sunrise, before her name echoed through the woods.

_'Alex!'_

The word sounded fuzzy and far away but all around her at the same time. Something skidded in the mud beside her, but she couldn't care enough to open her eyes to see.

_'Dad, I found her! I found her! Over here!'_

_'Oh thank god. Alex, Alex? Wake up, baby girl, come on.'_

_'She's not moving. Dad, is she okay?'_

_'She's gonna be fine, Sammy. Dean give me your jacket.'_

_'She's been cut, Dad. Lucky she wasn't gutted.'_

Hands were touching her, touching her stomach where she'd been wounded. She knew it was a mortal injury, it certainly felt like one.

_'It's not so bad. Could have been worse. She's lost a lot of blood for a slight gash like that.'_

If she could have been bothered, Alex would have frowned. She'd been sliced from hip to hip. Surely her dad would say it was more than just a gash? She knew she wasn't getting back up from that. Ever. Why were they bothering? Her breath hitched in her chest as she waited for the urge to stop altogether.

_'Alexandra Winchester, you stay with me okay? Dean, Sammy, I'm gonna need help here, hold her arms, put the jacket across...that's it...we need...don't...'_

The voices disappeared. She was enveloped in the darkness, comfortably numb. It felt like years were passing. No sounds, no feelings. Just peace. It was...kinda beautiful. Until the light appeared.

It was blinding and enticing all at once, and she wanted to reach out, but it didn't feel like she had physical form any more. So she just stared, feeling it burn her vision as it came closer. So close now, if she could have, she would have touched it. But as she felt like it was about to take away all the darkness, a singular husky voice rang through the darkness. _No._

And her eyes opened. The light was swinging back and forth now, on the cabin ceiling. She was back on her bed, and the pain running through her abdomen was crippling. And she wasn't alone on the bed; she looked to her right, and her big brother was laying up against her, one of his arms around her shoulders, and another holding her hand. He was splashed with blood and looked exhausted, despite his slumber. Tear stains tracked the dirt on his face, and Alex felt sick.

She moved her head slightly to the left and saw John, sat at an awkward angle beside the bed, his head on the comforter, and his fingers curled around her other hand. He was asleep too, and Alex felt guilt hit her like a brick wall. Why had she gone off alone? This wouldn't have happened. Her dad was going to be so pissed.

'Alex?' Dean's voice in her ear made her turn her head back to him. He was whispered, his eyes darting between their dad and her, as if he was worried either of them might disappear. 'Alex, you're awake.' His hand left hers and came up to cup her face. 'Thank god, little sis. You gave us a friggin' heart attack.'

'Whu...what happened?'

'You ran off. Told Dad you could handle it alone. He's gonna be pissed, you get that right? Once this whole, you nearly _died_ thing wears off, you'll be lucky if he doesn't tie you up in the Impala.'

'Impala is yours now, Dean. He'll probably tie me up at Bobby's and be done with it.' Alex choked a little; her throat was as dry as the Sahara. 'Can I get some water?'

Dean nodded, and slipped his arm from underneath her shoulders. As he moved off of the bed, he hesitated and bent down to press a very firm kiss to his sister's forehead. 'Don't you _ever_ do that again? You hear me?' And he disappeared. His movement had stirred their father, who pulled his head up to stare at Alex groggily. When he saw she was awake, he blinked, and relief flushed his face.

'Oh god, Alex!' He was up and sitting on the edge of the bed in a second. Alex tried to move but the pain in her stomach was too much and made her feel like she was going to upchuck. 'You're awake! Shit, you gave me a damn heart attack.'

'Dean said as much.' She affirmed, closing her eyes against the nausea. John's hands ran over her stomach, checking the bandaged wound. Once he was satisfied there was no fresh bleeding, he relaxed a little, taking her hand and holding it tight.

'You don't ever run off again, you hear me? I know you're good, baby girl, but you _cannot_ do that to me again.' He leant forward and gathered her up into his arms, holding her tightly, despite her protests. 'Don't _ever_ scare me like that again.'

Truth was, John Winchester was scaring her right now. He'd never been this affectionate in all the time she could remember. She must have been really badly hurt if he was this freaked out. Normally she got a band aid and a "suck it up, kiddo". This full on, fatherly love gig was scaring her more than the idea of being really, _actually_ dead.

Dean chose that moment to come back in with a glass of water for her, and Sammy was in tow behind him. When he saw their father embracing her so tightly, a short moment of anger crossed his face, which surprised Alex, but then he quickly moved to the bed as John noticed his arrival and pulled back a little from his daughter. 'Dad, be careful or you'll bust her stitches.'

'Oh right, yeah.' John nodded, letting Alex lay back down as she winced from the movement.

'You want some painkillers?' Dean offered, holding out two pink tablets. Alex shook her head. She would fight through this. Besides, those things made her feel worse half the time.

'You okay, Alex?' Sammy asked from the side of the bed and Alex looked over at the littlest Winchester. His big eyes were full of concern, and she smiled reassuringly, feeling guilty at the terror her twelve year old brother probably felt.

'I'm good, Sammy. Sorry if I scared you.'

'You didn't scare me.' Sammy held his head high like only a kid could do, then looked over at Dean. 'Dean was scared though. He cried and everything.'

'Shut up, bitch.' Dean scowled, and Alex chuckled.

'Obviously we're all fine. You need to get some more sleep, Alex. Rest up whilst that wound of yours heals. If it had been any deeper, you'd be a goner, kiddo. And don't think we aren't gonna talk about this.' John's voice was back to the gruff and hard grindstone she remembered. Nice to know that to get any kind of love from her father, she had to be at death's door. He looked around at all his kids, then stood and moved to the door. 'All of you should get some rest.'

With that final order, he left and all three Winchester children looked at each other, before Sammy moved over to his sister's side.

'Do you mind if I stay here?' He asked quietly. Alex patted the side of the bed.

'Course not, squirt. Slide on in.' Sammy smiled and got into the bed, wrapped an arm carefully around his sister as she ruffled his hair playfully. She raised her eyes to Dean, and he shifted uncomfortably at the paleness of her features. 'How bad was it?'

'You got gashed pretty bad. But your organs were all still in you, so couldn't have been that bad. Couldn't figure out how you managed to lose so much blood though.' Alex frowned and Dean noticed it straight away. 'What?'

'I remember...' She looked down at the covered wound, noting that her shirt had been ripped away. She ran her free hand over the injury, hissing slightly as she put a bit too much pressure on it. 'I thought - it felt worse.' This was a scratch really. But she remembered that spirit had gotten a good shot in. Almost cleaved her in half. 'Maybe it just...felt worse.' She finished lamely. She could have sworn that she'd gotten a mortal wound from that thing. But this wasn't mortal, not in the slightest.

'You lost a lot of blood, sis.' Dean sat on the edge of the bed, running his fingers lightly over the bandage. 'Maybe you just got a guardian angel or something.'

_Angels are watching over you._ Their mom had said that to them when they were kids. But angels weren't real. Demons on the other hand...Alex shuddered a little.

'I don't know. It was dark, I was confused...I'm probably just imagining it.' She waved her hand at her brother, and smiled as Sammy snuggled into her side. 'You getting in here or what?'

Dean eyed her warily. 'Seems a bit chick flick.'

'There's nothing wrong with sibling cuddles, Deano.' Alex teased. 'Come on. You seemed fine with it a while ago.'

'I thought you were gonna die.' He mumbled.

'I'm wounded, seriously. Between you and Dad...come on, dude. I'll sleep better knowing I'm protected by my two burly brothers.' Dean raised an eyebrow, looking over at Sam, then smiled and pulled off his bloody overshirt, leaving the t-shirt underneath and amulet he'd worn since Sammy had given it to him. Then he slipped into the bed, squeezing his arm back under Alex's shoulders where he'd been when she'd woken up.

'I'll always protect you guys. You know that right?' He murmured, pressing another kiss to her forehead. Sammy looked up at them and smiled, and Alex squeezed his arm gently. Neither of them needed to reply, knowing without a doubt that it would take hell itself to get through Dean Winchester to them.

When John looked in on his children later on, all three were curled together on the bed, sleeping soundly.


	3. Chapter 3

**At this point, I'm just posting because it's theraputic. Reviews are lovely, follows and favourites are lovely, but I'm just creating stuff here and playing with characters I love. So if you're enjoying this, brilliant, if you're not...ooookay, you're on Chapter 3, maybe you should go read something you do enjoy. Also, I do not have a beta so all typos and mistakes are mine, and I'm human so...shoot me. With the Colt. I may not be _entirely_ human...who knows?**

**Standard disclaimers apply and can be found in detail in Chapter One.**

* * *

**Indiana, November 2008**

Alex opened her eyes, finding herself alone in the bed. She felt dog tired, but panicked when the events of the previous night came back to her. Bolting upright, she pulled on her pants and a t-shirt and rushed down the stairs barefoot, skidding to a halt in the kitchen. At the table, James was sat in his chair, with his booster seat, munching down on some fruit and cheese. Sam sat next to him, sharing a comic book with the young boy. Dean was over by the fridge, thumbing through Dad's journal and swigging from a beer.

'Oh. Okay.' Alex relaxed a little. Dean and Sam both glanced up at her. 'Sorry, I woke up and panicked. When did I fall asleep?'

'You were watching cartoons with James on the couch. You fell asleep, so Sam took you upstairs. We figured that you could use a bit of rest.' Dean shrugged. 'You feeling better?'

'Er...yeah. What's the time?' She asked, moving over to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water.

'Just after two.' Her brother returned. Sam looked over at James.

'We've just had some lunch and James asked if he could read a comic with me.' The look in Sam's eyes as he ruffled the little boys hair was pure adoration and Alex smiled a little. It had never taken much for the boy to win someone round, what with the big baby blues and all. Obviously he had Uncle Sammy's puppy dog eyes.

'We're readin' bout Spiderman, Mommy!' James cheered excitedly. 'He's a superhero. Like Uncle Dean and Uncle Sammy. And they said you was too.' She glanced to her brothers, and Dean shrugged.

'You said you never kept anything from him.'

'I never did. I just never said...never mind.' Alex mumbled, drinking from her water bottle. 'Where's the angel gone?' Her tone was edgy as she mentioned Castiel.

'He's outside. Warding the house or something.' Dean looked out the window. 'I had a look around. Nice car in the garage. Needs a bit of work.' The hint was implied.

'Feel free. Something went wrong with her a few months back, but I haven't got round to it. I never really used her anyway.'

'Where'd you pick up an Oldsmobile Cutlass from?' Dean questioned and Alex smiled.

'It was a present.'

'Oh right?' She didn't give any more, but motioned for Dean to follow her, glancing over at Sammy. 'You okay with James there for a moment, Sam?' Dean asked and Sam nodded with a smile. James was animatedly going through the comic and Alex paused to smile at them again before she moved through the back door and out into the yard.

'You remember Illinois?' Alex asked as the door shut behind Dean. He nodded. 'I dreamt about it. Maybe it's cos we were talking about it yesterday. I don't know. But I do remember...when I was out, after that thing got me...' Her hand went to her stomach. 'There was this kind of...warm feeling. Before I passed out.'

'And?' Dean asked, concern written across his face.

'And this morning...when Castiel healed me...I felt that same warmth.' She looked up at Dean. 'You don't think?'

'That is because I healed you then, just as I healed you this morning.' Cas' voice made Alex jumped as he appeared right next to her. She shrieked and scowled in quick succession.

'Do he _always_ do that?' She demanded of her brother, but Dean didn't reply, too intent on glaring at the angel.

'What do you mean, you healed her then?'

'I have always been near your family, Dean. All three of you were too important to be left alone. There has always been an angel watching over you.'

'Really? Then why did our mom die? Why did Sam get fed demon blood? Why'd I _die_?' Dean was angry now, but Castiel's facial expression did not change. Alex caught up with Dean's words.

'Sammy got fed what?!'

Dean ignored her and Alex huffed. Castiel's eyes slid between the two of them. 'Such things were written. Alex was never meant to die in those woods. Just as you were never meant to stay in Hell. I follow orders - my orders were to intervene on such occasions.'

'So this isn't just a raised from perdition deal. You've been following us since the beginning?'

'Your mother was not lying when she told you that angels were watching over you.' Cas' words made Dean freeze.

'Get the hell out of here.' The elder Winchester's tone was ice, and he didn't wait for a reply as he turned and stomped back into the house, slamming the door behind him. Alex stayed, watching the angel warily.

'He is angry with me.' Castiel stated, no emotion to his tone. He was simply stating the obvious and Alex rolled her eyes, some of her caution around him disappearing.

'Yeah I'd imagine so. He doesn't like being played. Neither do I.' She sighed. 'But seeing as my being played has resulted in the best thing I could ever dream of...I guess I can live with it.' Castiel tilted his head to the side.

'You did not think it so wonderful when you found out at first.' He said, thoughtfully. Alex blinked.

'Wait...you were watching me _then_?' He nodded and she took a step back. 'Okay. That's not creepy at all. Why didn't one of you guys tell me? Make sure I knew just how special he was? You know, despite there being no father or anything to actually create him in the first place.' Castiel waited a moment, as if considering her words.

'Who said he didn't have a father?'

And he was gone.

* * *

The evening was beginning to close in, and the sun had set a while before. Sam had ordered take out for them all and James seemed to enjoy having both his uncles around. Alex had never had many men around in his life before - she didn't feel the need, and didn't date. All she needed was James, and she'd fight the armies of hell to prevent anyone from taking him away. Castiel had not returned after his little bombshell earlier on, and she hadn't spoken to Dean or Sam about it. They would worry further, and she hated causing extra worry.

Although she'd apparently caused plenty over the years she'd been gone.

Now of course, she wished she had gone and found them. Even if it hadn't changed the outcome, at least Sammy wouldn't have been alone. She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that Dean had been dead. She knew he'd been close before, not that he or Sam knew, but she'd gotten a call, when James was maybe two. And she'd gone. Some hospital a few states over. She'd driven all day and night, terror coursing through her.

She'd been in that hospital for only an hour. Sam was elsewhere, having been discharged with minor injuries. She'd looked in on their sleeping father, seen the injuries, and then she'd gone to find Dean. She'd sat there for forty minutes, staring at her broken big brother. She'd read the notes; not daring to speak to a doctor in case they told Sam or John that she was there. James had sat quiet as a mouse as if he knew that this was serious.

He probably didn't even remember. Part of Alex had hoped that maybe just being there, Dean would take up, see James...but that had been a fairytale. She'd heard Sam arguing with their father down the hall, and she'd picked up her son and left. Sam might have seen her from behind, but he wouldn't have recognised her.

It had broken her to walk away again, but she knew she couldn't put James in that position. She'd stopped by reception on her way out, only to be informed that no one had called her. She never found out who had told her about the accident.

Maybe Castiel would know. He seemed to know a lot of stuff he wasn't telling her.

Dean laughed suddenly and brought her from her musings. James was smiling widely, apparently acting out something that had happened at school. Dean was returning the smile with a thousands watts - Alex didn't remember ever seeing him smile like that.

'Hey, little man. It's bath time.' She said, moving over to crouch in front of James. His bottom lip immediately poked out, and he shone those baby blues at her, but she was immune to their charms. 'No arguing. If you're good, I'll let one of your uncles read you a bedtime story.'

'Dean! I want Uncle Dean to read me a story!' He pointed at his dark haired uncle with gusto, and Dean rolled his eyes, even though Alex _knew_ somehow that he was bursting inside. Sam chuckled as James ran for the stairs, announcing that it was a race, and Alex followed. The brothers were left alone and in silence.

'He's something huh?' Sam said nonchalantly, pulling dad's journal out from their duffle. Dean nodded, a kind of goofy smile on his face.

'Yeah he is. Never thought it, man. Never saw Alex being all "mommy and me".'

'She always took care of us. She cooked, did our laundry. She even nagged us to do our homework. Not that it worked with you. You think about, Alex was all the mom we had growing up. So it makes sense she's good at it.'

'It's not fair she has to be dragged back into all of this.' Dean ran a hand down his face and leant forward. 'That kid deserves more.'

'We can keep him safe, Dean.'

'What if we can't?'

'We've got Cas. You heard him - this is literally his job. And from what you said earlier, what he said outside, he's been doing it a long while.' Sam sighed. 'I remember what happened in Illinois, Dean. I remember finding her, watching her for days after. She nearly died. And he stopped it. Maybe we should stop doubting him.'

'I just find it a bit creepy that angels have been watching us all this time. There's been plenty of times they could have intervened and stopped all this.'

'Well, we're here now, right?' Sam stared at his brother, noticing how pale and drawn, how _tired_ he looked. 'You should get some rest, dude. You haven't stopped since...' _Since you told me that you tortured souls in hell. _Dean looked up, as if sensing his brother's thoughts. 'We'll talk more tomorrow. We should probably fill Alex in on _everything_ that has happened, and see if there's anything else she needs to tell us.'

'We'll see, man.' Dean stopped up, almost groaning as his weary body protested the movement. 'I guess I'd better go tell the tyke a story huh?' Sam nodded and smiled, watching his brother move towards the stairs. The smile dropped as Dean's back was turned, and Sam pulled out his phone, seeing several missed calls and messages from Ruby. He scowled and put the phone down, knowing he had to figure this all out first.

Dean stood at the foot of the stairs, hesitating, listening to the sounds coming from the second floor. Water splashing, giggles from James; kid seemed remarkably fine with meeting new family and frickin' _angels_. Alex chuckled at his antics as James yelled out that the sea monsters were coming for the army men and they needed to _hide._ Dean felt his mouth curve into a grin as he began to ascend the stairs. At the top, he paused, and went to turn round to the corridor, only to come face to face with Castiel.

'Dammit Cas!' He hissed, taking a step back.

'Dean.' The angel said dryly, in a manner of greeting.

'What do you want?' He asked.

Castiel tilted his head to the side in that way he did, and Dean felt the remnants of the hand print on his arm throb. It always happened in the angel's presence and it pissed him right off. Like Cas had to _remind_ him he was here and not in Hell.

'The house is completely warded. It will hold for some time against any demon attacks. However, the house is still vulnerable to humans and I cannot fully ward against angels, or I will not be able to assist.'

'Sure you can. Do the wardings and then stay outside.'

'I cannot do that.' Castiel seemed slightly miffed at the suggestion. 'I am to protect James and Alex. I cannot do that by sitting on the front porch.'

'Fine, whatever, man. I got a bedtime story to read.' Dean went to move past the angel, intent on ignoring him.

'I would suggest Green Eggs and Ham. He likes that one.' He span round, but Castiel was gone and didn't see the look of shock on his face. He shook his head and moved toward the bathroom, where Alex was towelling down a very naked little boy, who grinned up at his uncle.

'Hey sport.' Dean smiled as Alex pulled a pyjama top over James' head. He waited for a moment as his sister finished dressing his nephew. 'What story do you want?'

'Green Eggs and Ham!' James yelled, bolting from his mom as soon as his pants were on. Alex smiled brightly and took Dean's hand as he offered it, standing.

'It's his favourite.' Dean nodded, trying not think about how Castiel had known that. But the thought niggled at him as he followed Alex into James' room. He looked around, seeing the posters of cars and spaceships.

'You like cars, kiddo?' James nodded enthusiastically, holding out his favourite story book and climbing into his bed. He patted the spot next to him on the cars duvet and Dean sat, smiling down at him. 'Maybe tomorrow, your mom will let me take you for a ride in my car.'

'What car do you have? Does it talk like Lightening McQueen?' Dean raised his eyes to his sister, who shrugged.

'He likes Cars. They talk and have like a whole world and stuff.' She explained.

'Oh. Okay. I don't think I've seen that one.'

'We'll have to watch it tomorrow!' James announced excitedly, then yawned widely.

'Story time?' Dean asked, watching as Alex slipped from the room. He looked down and opened the book to the first page and began to read. 'I am Sam. Sam I am...'

* * *

'That Sam-I-am, that Sam-I-am, I do not like that Sam-I-am...'

Alex leant against the wall, listening to her brother read to her son. His voice was calming, and she knew it wouldn't be long before James was out. He loved that book, even though it drove her up the wall to read it every night. It was nice to have someone else do it for a change.

She listened for a while longer, closing her eyes and letting Dean's voice wash over her, before she turned and went downstairs, finding Sam in the kitchen, flicking through Dad's journal.

'You okay, little brother?' She looked up at him and he grinned.

'I'm at least a foot taller than you.' Alex chuckled. 'Dean reading to James?'

'Green Eggs And Ham. He'll be sick of your name by the end of it.' She said, reaching over to turn the kitchen tap on. 'Want a coffee?'

'I wouldn't say no.' Sam said, moving to pull a couple of mugs from the cupboard. He placed them on the side as Alex filled the kettle, and for a moment, a comfortable silence settled over them. Alex reached around Sam for the sugar on the side, and smiled up at him. 'He's a great kid.' Sam said quietly. 'And he's definitely a Winchester.'

'At this point, I don't know if that's a good thing or not.' Alex replied, sighing as the kettle clicked. 'If being a Winchester means we're destined for this crappola life with death and gore and motel room after motel room...it's not really that great.' She paused as she poured the water out of the kettle into the mugs. 'But I guess, being a Winchester does mean you get the best family.' A half smile touched her lips. 'Or best brothers slash uncles at least.'

'And the best sisters.' Sam added, looping an arm around her shoulders and squeezing her gently. Alex looked up at him, and then returned to making the cups of coffee. Neither of them spoke again for a few moments, before Alex looked over at the doorway.

'It's gone quiet.' She said, concern in her tone. 'I'm gonna go check on them.'

Sam knew that nothing would happen whilst Dean was up with their nephew, but he nodded anyway and watched as Alex left the room. He turned to take their coffees into the living room, but jumped as he came face to face with Castiel. He swore, spilling coffee over his hand, which led to another obsentity as he reached for a tea towel to dry his hand off. He scowled at Castiel, who merely regarded him as he wiped the hot liquid from his hand.

'Jesus, Cas. Knock or something yeah?'

'I am sorry. I did not mean to startle you.'

'Yeah, well, you did.' Sam sighed and picked the drinks up again, moving into the living room past the angel. Castiel watched silently as Sam retook his seat. 'Where you been all day?'

'I did not leave. But I sensed that Dean was angry with me and Alex was...asking a lot of questions.'

'Can you blame her?' Sam asked, somewhat angrily. Castiel tilted his head to the side.

'I do not blame her for anything.' The younger Winchester brother rolled his eyes as Castiel moved closer. 'But I am here to talk to you, not Alex or Dean.'

Sam's brow furrowed as he regarded the angel. 'What about?'

'The demon blood, Sam. I know Ruby has been trying to contact you.' Sam paled, swallowed hard, his eyes moving away from Cas. 'You must resist. That path is dangerous to you. And to your family. It is not just Dean you have to worry about now.'

Sam ran a hand through his hair. 'I'm staying away. It's what you and Dean wanted, right?'

'But your resolve is weakening. You must fight this.' Cas' eyes flickered to the stairs as Sam looked up at him, and he froze, seeing a flash of an emotion he'd not seen before in the angel's eyes. 'It is not safe.' Sam stood, taking a step forward, wanting to question Cas further, but Alex's voice interrupted him. He turned, seeing her appear in the doorway, and the fluttering of wings indicated that the angel was gone. Sam grimaced, but his sister distracted him immediately.

'You have to come see this.' She said quietly, grabbing his hand and pulling him up the stairs. He followed obediently, his thoughts on Castiel and his cryptic behaviour. Alex pulled him towards James' room, and pushed open the door, letting the light from the hallway fall onto the bed. Sam looked over at what had Alex practically melting.

James was cuddled up in his duvet, his head resting in the crook of Dean's shoulder. The eldest Winchester's free arm was draped around the boy protectively, with "Green Eggs And Ham" sitting loosely between his fingers. His other arm was under the boys head, holding onto the duvet. Dean was fast asleep, his face relaxed for the first time in ages, from what Sam had seen anyway. Dean had been plagued by nightmares since his return but here, he seemed free of them.

'Sweetest thing ever right?' Alex said, pulling her phone out of her pocket. 'I need this on film. Proof. Dean Winchester has a big ole soft side.'

'To be fair, James is pretty good at turning cement to mush.'

'He's got your puppy dog eyes.' She muttered, and Sam chuckled. The camera clicked, and the evidence was saved, so Alex pulled the door shut. 'We'll just leave them there. Dean looks like he could use a good nights sleep.' Her eyes raised to her brother's. 'You know, I used to feel bad for James not having a dad around. Then I remembered how our dad was and felt marginally better.' The corner of her mouth twitched. 'Maybe all he needed all this time was his uncles.' Alex moved forward. 'I know I needed you guys.'

'We're here now. Better late than never, huh?' Sam looped an arm around his sisters shoulders.

'And whilst Dean is out, you and I can talk.' She pushed away gently and headed down the stairs. 'I want to know everything.' She looked back over her shoulder. 'And I mean _everything_, Sammy.'

* * *

'So you killed Yellow Eyes and the ESP stuff went away?' Sam nodded at Alex's words. 'And it hasn't come back?' Her eyes searched his, and Sam dropped his gaze, feeling automatically guilty. 'Sam?' Her tone took on a warning edge.

'Maybe not...completely.'

'What do you mean by that?'

Sam swallowed, gaining a sudden intense interest in his hands. 'After Dean...' _Damn it still hurt to think about after all this time; seeing Dean laying on the floor of that house, shredded by a hellhound._ 'After Dean died, I was just out for revenge. I was killing anything I could hunt, looking for Lilith. When Ruby showed up again, things got crazy. And I found a way to kill demons and save the people they'd possessed. It took some practice but...'

'Wait - back track. Is that why you didn't find me?'

'Is what why?'

'Revenge?'

Sam sighed. 'I'd lost Dad. I'd lost Dean. No one knew where you were. And I just wanted Lilith dead. I guess, I, uh, didn't think.'

Alex frowned at him. 'So you were on the demon blood, killing demons...' She waved her hand round in a circle, not wanting to go further into why her little brother had gone it alone instead of looking for her. She could understand the revenge - hell, if she'd see what had happened to Dean, even _known_ what had happened, she probably would have gone down the same road as their father had. She knew if anything ever happened to James...nope. Not going there.

'I felt...that doesn't matter.' Alex narrowed her eyes, knowing what he was going to say. _Powerful._ 'Dean came back. And we found out about Castiel raising him from hell, and then we got back on the road. I still wanted...still want, to find a way to kill Lilith. And Dean was just trying to forget Hell, I think.' Sam looked towards the door, and the stairs that led to his sleeping brother and nephew. 'He hasn't slept properly in months. He covers it up with, well, with being _Dean,_ but he's struggling.'

'Does it help being on the road?'

Sam shrugged. 'I don't know if anything helps.' He hung his head. 'I know nothing is helping me.' Alex didn't say anything as her little brother sat quietly for a few moments. 'Ruby keeps contacting me. I'm trying to ignore her.'

'She comes near here, I'm gonna put a '45 to her skull.' Alex growled.

'I'm staying away. I promised Dean I'd stop, and-' He paused, looking around, wondering if Castiel was still lurking. 'Castiel said it's not just me or Dean anymore. Not just us I have to think of, you know?'

'Does that mean you guys are sticking around?' Alex asked, trying to keep the hope out of her voice.

Sam smiled, reaching over for her hand. 'We lost you for five years. Not letting you go now.' She smiled, feeling a little teary before pulling her hand gently out of her brother's grip.

'Enough of the chick flick moments. Tell me about the hunts you've done this year. And more about this angel thing. I'm curious.'

'Well, last week, we were rescuing a fallen angel from the rest of the brigade. I think Dean might have slept with her.' Sam mused. Alex pulled a face.

'That's pretty typical.' Alex chuckled, relaxing back into the armchair. 'So why are angels showing up all of a sudden? And Castiel is pretty...serious? If that's the word. Not to mention, secretive.'

'Apparently Lilith is breaking the sixty six seals to raise Lucifer from the cage.'

The room fell silent as Alex stared at her brother. He waited for the information to sink in.

'Wait...Lucifer?'

'Yup.' Sam popped the "p" at the end of the sentence. Alex was openly gaping.

'Lucifer isn't real though, right?'

'According to the angels, Lucifer is very real. And Lilith has a real gung-ho for getting him topside.' Sam stood up and stretched his arms. 'She's already broken nearly half. The angels panicked a while ago and almost destroyed an entire town. We managed to stop them, but the seal got broken.' He looked down at Alex. 'Dean refers to angels as "dicks with wings".'

Alex snorted. 'Sounds about right.' She didn't really care for what she'd seen so far.

'When we met Anna last week, she said there was about six hundred possible seals. The only way to stop Lucifer rising is to kill Lilith and stop her breaking them.'

'What's to stop someone else from breaking them?' Sam shrugged at her question and Alex made a noise in the back of her throat. 'Crossing that bridge when we get to it?'

'We?' He looked at her curiously and Alex tilted her head.

'You think I'm not coming in on this? Apparently there's no way out for me. So I may as well have all the facts.'

'What about James?'

'With the three of us protecting him? He's practically invincible.' She scoffed, not letting her fear show through. Truth is, she knew they weren't going to be safe anywhere, and likely Sam knew the same, but there wasn't much else to be said about it. 'And anyway, I can run my business through a laptop. Maybe we can cut back on the credit card scams. I am the only Winchester with a clean criminal record, and I'd like to keep it that way.' Sam smiled, and sat down again.

'Well, I guess I should fill you in on the other stuff that's been happening lately.' He sighed. 'Starting with Dean.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Indiana, November 2008**

Dean could feel the nightmares pushing at him, and his fingers twitched in his sleep. It was easier for some reason, to fight them away. The horrors he'd experienced, the pain he'd _inflicted_ was at the edge of his subconscious, but the dreams were not of his time in hell. Not this time.

_'Higher, Dean, higher!'_

_Dean laughed along with his sister, putting some strength into the push as she giggled, her hair ruffled by the movement of the swing back and forth, back and forth. Sammy yelled as he climbed on top of the jungle gym, pretending he was Spiderman, his arms outstretched. Dean glanced to him, checking on his well being as he pushed Alex again, relishing in the carefree giggles._

_'You had enough yet kiddo?'_

_'No! Higher!' He obliged._

_Dad had gone out of town for the night, on some job or other. Dean had been tasked with babysitting his younger siblings, and had gone against John's orders to stay in the motel room. They'd snuck out at dusk, and headed for the playground they'd seen when they been driven into town. Dean had seen his kid siblings' eyes light up at the sight of it, but knew they dared not ask John if they could go._

_They weren't allowed to be kids. Not anymore._

_But Dean knew. Dean knew it was important to play. He knew that both Sammy and Alex needed this. His seven year old sister, and four year old brother had been quiet lately, knowing something was wrong. Alex knew some things, and Dad already had her practising with the guns and reciting Latin, but Sammy was sheltered. No one had told him about the things that _really_ go bump in the night._

_So when Dad had gone, and Dean had made them eat dinner, they'd gone to the playground. And he'd not seen them so happy in ages._

He_ hadn't been so happy in ages._

_'Dean, look! I'm Godzilla! Rarrrgggg!' Sam was climbing down from the jungle gym and stomping his feet as he did so. Dean smiled again, feeling like a regular eight year old himself. The switchblade in his boot belied that truth, but he didn't want to do anything to acknowledge the reality of their lives right now._

_But it was getting dark, and with darkness came danger, so he had to get them home. He stopped pushing the swing._

_'Come on guys, we gotta go home.'_

_'Awwww! Back to the motel?' Alex asked, her bottom lip jutting out. Dean reached over and ruffled her short hair, smiling softly._

_'Can't stay out after dark, 'Lex. You know that.'_

_'I know.' Her eyes flickered to Sam, who was stomping through the barked ground towards them. 'Can we watch a film when we get back?'_

_'Yeah sure.' He held out his hand and Alex grabbed it with gusto. Sammy appeared at his other side, taking his other hand, and the three siblings walked away from the swings, back to the motel that would be home for a couple of days. A flash of something red and bloody split down the side of Dean's vision, but he ignored it and carried on walking, his sister and brother's hands warm in his own._

_Not tonight, hell. Tonight I rest peacefully._

His arm tightened around James' as he stirred, and then woke up, looking towards the "Cars" themed clock on the wall. It was 4am, and he felt more rested than he had in days. No nightmares was a bliss and he somehow knew that James had something to do with his peaceful sleep. He looked down at the sleeping child, and slipped his arm out from underneath his head. The boy snuggled further into his duvet, but didn't wake.

Dean stood, his eyes still fixated on his nephew as he bent down and brushed a strand of golden hair from the boys eyes. James didn't move and the eldest Winchester smiled, turning from the bed. He slipped out of the door quietly, heading for the stairs. As he went to walk down, his eyes went to the open door of the guest room, and he saw Sam, fully clothed but dead to the world, spread eagled on the guest bed. He shook his head with a smirk and walked down the stairs, checking the traps and seals by the doors automatically.

As he wandered into the living room, he found Alex sat in the armchair, still awake, holding a photo in her hands. She looked up as he came in, smiling at him.

'Hey.'

'Hey.' He responded. 'You okay?'

'Yeah. I slept for a couple hours. Can't really stay down.' She looked around. 'Besides, one of us should be awake.'

'Cas is watching.' Dean offered. Alex grimaced.

'I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with that.'

Her big brother nodded a little, then gestured to the photo. Alex held it out to him and he took it, looking down at a much younger version of James, wandering around in a blue t-shirt and his nappy, a Lego brick in one hand. He smiled at the camera, a big gummy toddler smile that made Dean chuckle. Alex sat back, looking up at the various other photos she had hanging in the house.

'He's definitely a Winchester.' Dean echoed his brother's words from earlier. 'You're lucky, Alex.'

'I am.' She whispered. 'But maybe not so much lately.' Dean frowned at her and she shrugged. 'I'm glad you're here. But I never wanted this life for James.'

'Mom never wanted it for us either.' He replied, and Alex looked up at him.

'What?'

'I'm assuming Sam filled you in on a lot of stuff.' She nodded and Dean took a seat, continuing. 'Cas send me back. To when Mom and Dad were both young...both still alive.' He sighed. 'Mom wanted out. And she got out. Until Yellow Eyes came back for her.'

'I don't...I don't understand.'

'Mom made a deal. Sammy was the price. Yellow Eyes fed him demon blood when he was a baby. Yellow Eyes killed Mom.'

The silence was deafening. Alex's stomach churned; she'd wanted the truth, but this she hadn't heard from Sam, and it made her feel sick. Maybe she hadn't wanted to know this. 'Mom...was a hunter?'

'She was raised into it.' Dean swallowed. 'There's...other stuff, Alex. About me. About hell.' She nodded, not letting on that she already knew. 'I was there a long time. Four months here, more like forty years there. I tried to resist it, I tried so hard...' Dean dropped his head into his hands. 'I let them twist me. I became something I didn't wanna become.' Alex stilled, sensing his distress. When he didn't continue, she moved out of the chair, kneeling in front of him. 'I did things, Alex. Things I'm not proud of.' A choked sob escaped his throat, and Alex felt sicker still. Dean, her _big_ brother, didn't cry. He _never_ cried. And she didn't care what he'd done._  
_

'Dean, don't-' She wrapped her arms around his larger frame, and felt his hands come round her back. 'I don't care what you did.'

'You would if you knew...' He mumbled into her neck and she shook her head.

'No. No. You're my big brother, my family, and I love you no matter what.' She pulled back. 'What matters now is keeping James safe right? And dealing with these seals.'

'Sam told you about all that, huh?' Alex nodded.

'We're coming with you.' She said quietly and Dean stilled.

'No. You can't do that, Alex. Not to James. He doesn't deserve this life. We'll stay here. Keep the hunts local.'

'That's not possible, Dean and you know it.' Alex replied. 'We have to move. Keep moving. We can't stay in one place. All it would take is the demons burning the house down and we're all screwed.'

'What about James' school? His friends? You have a life here, Alex.'

'No, I have a family. And where my family goes I go.' She whispered, standing up. Dean followed her with his eyes, a scowl settled on his features. 'I got a call a couple of years ago.' She started, looking away toward the window. Outside, Castiel stood, like a trenchcoated guard dog, his entire body tense. His head was tilted to a slight angle, and she _knew_ he was listening. 'I think it was Castiel who called now.' The angel looked at her then, through the window, and Alex shuddered a little. 'Someone said you were hurt, and in hospital. I drove all night to get there. Sam was gone, discharged. Dad was sleeping. And you - you were strung up to all these machines and tubes and they said you were critical...' A tear slipped down her cheek as she turned back. 'I sat with you. Held your hand. Spoke to you. Begged you to forgive me for leaving you.'

'You were there...' Dean's statement was soft, barely whispered.

Alex nodded. 'I heard Sam and Dad arguing and I left. I was scared. I didn't...' She trailed off. 'I'm never gonna have a good reason for not coming back to you, to Sam, to Dad.'

'Yeah, you do. James. He's a good enough reason for anything.' Dean stood, moving to his sister's side, reaching out to brush away the tears tracking down her face. 'He's a real special kid, Alex.' He sighed. 'I've not slept properly since I came back. Two months without a good night's rest. But tonight, _something_ kept the nightmares away. I think it was James.' Alex looked up at him. 'He's special. And he's a Winchester.' She nodded.

'We're coming with you.' She repeated. 'We'll stay here for Thanksgiving. And then we'll go.'

'I've got a lot to be thankful for this year.' Dean muttered, a small smile on his face. 'Yeah. That sounds good. We'll go after Thanksgiving. Be best if we didn't tell anyone. Keep James out of school and we'll disappear. No fuss.'

Alex nodded. 'No fuss.'

* * *

'You're gonna tell me what you know.'

Dean's voice didn't startle Castiel; he'd known he was approaching since he'd sent Alex to get some rest. Right now, the Winchester girl was laying in her bed, turning from side to side in an effort to get comfortable. In a few moments, she would get out of bed and go into her son's room, curl up by his bed on the floor, and finally sleep. It was a frequent habit of hers.

'Am I?' Castiel replied, turning to face the eldest Winchester.

'Yeah. Starting with James.' Castiel eyed him, giving that emotionless stare that creeped him out. 'Who's his father?' Castiel was almost glaring now, and Dean's mouth set into a thin line. 'You gonna talk or not?'

'I do not see why I should give you the answers you seek. You have denied my requests at many turns. You did not give Anna to us. You do not show the respect you should.'

'Screw you, Cas.' Dean scowled. 'I didn't give you Anna, because you were going to _kill_ her.'

'She was a risk that could not be left unchecked.'

'Well, she's gone now!' Dean flung his arms out. 'Goddammit, Cas, tell me the damn truth!'

'James is special.'

'So you've said.'

'No. He is more special than you realise. He was made for a reason. To be a power for good or evil. He has the capacity for both. He was made from neutralising powers. He has both demon blood and angelic grace inside of him.'

'What?' Dean felt the blood drain from his face. 'How the hell did that happen?'

'James has no father, per say. He was made from family.' The look on Dean's face indicated that he was not following. Castiel felt his patience slip a little. 'Perhaps it would be best if I explained this to Alex first.'

'No. I want the truth.'

'He has to be protected, Dean. Knowing this may cloud your judgement.' _Or improve it._ Castiel waited, but Dean's expression did not change. 'Are you sure you wish to know this?'

'Just tell me already.'

'James was made from four. Alex was the vessel, and he inherited some of her genetic material. He is her son. But he is also made of you. And Sam. And an angel's grace.' Dean stared.

'What?'

'He is four combined.'

'No. I'm not following. He's all of ours?' The hunter shook his head. 'That's just...I don't get it. Why us?' _Does that mean he is my son? Sam's son? That's not creepy in the slightest._

'He is your nephew. Born of your sister. He is Sam's nephew. He is-' Castiel stopped short. 'He is special. Made of the best of you, the strongest aspects of your genetics.'

'He has demon blood...from Sam.'

'That is correct.' Dean took a breath, his eyes dropping to the ground. Castiel watched him closely. Upstairs, Alex threw the covers back and left her room, going to James' and curling up beside his bed. Castiel smiled a little. 'Does this change your feelings for the boy?'

'What? No!' Dean exclaimed. 'If anything...' He trailed off, looking back to the house. 'So he's more Winchester than the rest of us.' He sighed. 'When are you going to tell Alex?'

'Perhaps it would be better if you did.'

'She's going to want to know more.'

Cas tilted his head to the side. 'Like what?'

'Who the grace came from? I remember what Anna said, about grace. That it's pure creation. How come James hasn't shot up like that oak?'

'It was not much grace. Enough to create, but not enough to stimulate accelerated growth. In order to be who he needs to be, James needs to be _human_ most of all. That was your gift to him.' Dean blinked, turning back to the angel.

'My gift?'

'Alex gave him a mother; family. Sam gave him the demon blood. The angel's grace created him and you,' Castiel's too blue eyes bored into Dean's green ones. 'You gave him humanity.' The angel moved towards the house. 'And now you must all give him protection. You must guide him down the right path. Realise his potential for good.'

'The demons are going to want him for their side right?' Dean asked.

'Yes, they undoubtedly will.'

'They ain't having him.' Dean growled. 'They'll have to come through me.' _More than anyone else, except maybe Alex. Is this why I was so quick to run to the house. Because I knew somehow that James was in there. He's made from us. He's all of ours. _He shuddered a little. _Still creepy._

Castiel smiled a little. 'Then we are done.' And he was gone. Dean looked around.

'I hate when he does that.'

* * *

Alex laid on the floor of James' room, still unable to sleep. Usually when she came in here, she'd be out in five minutes, but now, with everything that was going on, she didn't think she'd ever sleep again. Not whilst James was in danger.

'You cannot sleep?'

Castiel's voice echoed through the silent room, and Alex bolted upright. 'Sssh.' She scolded. 'You'll wake him up.' The angel smiled at her words, and leant over the bed, placing two fingers to the boys forehead.

'He will not wake. He is dreaming of being an astronaut. There are dinosaurs on the moon and he is feeding them cheese.' Castiel looked down at her as she started to get to her feet. 'But you will not dream tonight.'

'I never dream anyway.'

'You do. You just don't remember.' He said it so casually. Alex stared at him.

'Just how often do you watch us?'

'I am here most of the time. Except for when I have had to deal with your brothers. My task for 28 years has been to watch you, Alex Winchester.'

'Do you have to say my full name like that?' She felt concious of the fact she was only wearing a tank top and pyjama shorts. 'It's kinda creepy.' Castiel's eyes were on her face, those blue eyes searing into hers like hot coals. She blushed a little as she got to her feet. 'You gonna say anything or just glower?'

'You should go and speak to your brother. You are not going to sleep tonight.'

'How do you know?' She asked, but her question resonated off of thin air. Castiel was gone. Alex sighed, looking down at her boy. He would be asleep for a long while yet, and she knew that sleep would elude her tonight. She bent down and pressed a light kiss to his forehead, before leaving the room and heading downstairs. Dean stood by the living room window, looking out over the front yard. He turned as she came into the room, and scowled.

'Jesus, Alex. Put some clothes on.'

She gave him the finger.

'Want a coffee?' She asked and Dean nodded.

'Wouldn't say no. You can't sleep?'

'No. And Castiel thought I should come and talk to you.' Her brother blinked. 'Any idea what he's going on about?'

'Son of a bitch.' Dean muttered under his breath. 'Yeah I do. And he's just skipping out on telling you the truth.'

Alex raised an eyebrow and folded her arms. 'The truth about what?'

'James' dad.'

A pregnant pause filled the room, and Alex swallowed thickly. 'W-what about James' dad?' _Do I even want to know? What if he isn't really even mine at all?_

Dean sighed and gestured for Alex to take a seat. She glared at him. 'Okay. I just thought you might like to sit down.' He waited for any movement from her, but she stayed still. 'It's kinda hard to explain. Cas - he said that James is _ours._'

The look on Alex's face was a cross between anger and sickness. '_Ours_? Isn't that...'

'No, no, no. Not like _that_. As in, the boy's all Winchester. He's yours, no doubt. You're his mom, Alex, through and through. If anything, he doesn't have a dad, just...genetic donors. Or something to that end.'

'And Castiel said this? Who are the donors?' Alex dropped her arms, her eyes darting to the pictures behind Dean on the windowsill.

'Me. And Sam.' He muttered something else, but Alex didn't quite catch it.

'And what?'

'An angel's grace.' He repeated and Alex felt downright sick.

'There's an angel in my little boy?' Her voice was panicked, and Dean stepped forward, placing his hands on her upper arms, rubbing with his thumbs in a gesture of comfort.

'No, no, Alex, look, I'm not explaining this very well. Cas said that James is "made of four". He's got something special from each of us.' He swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat, dropping his hands from her arms and running a hand through his short hair. 'From you, well, you're his mom. You're pretty much his everything.'

'Or I was until super cool Uncle Dean came onto the scene.'

Dean chuckled. 'Maybe. He said that James has the capability for good and evil. But that we can keep him on the right path.'

'What does that mean?'

'You know I told you about Sam...about the demon blood?' Alex nodded, and Dean sucked air in through his teeth. 'James has it too. He was made from all three of us, plus an angel's grace. From Sam he got the demon blood and from me...humanity.'

Alex blinked several times, absorbing the information. She looked around, feeling hot and sticky all of a sudden. 'This is...' She shook her head. 'It's freaky. So you and Sam are...'

'We're his _uncles_, Alex. Nothing more. It's a genetic mash up.'

'It's creepy.'

Dean thought for a split second then nodded his head. 'Yeah it is. But if anything, it just makes him closer to us, which is _better._ When we got here, I rushed in after that demon like...like nothing I'd ever felt before. I felt some kinda urgency to get in here.'

'You think you knew?'

His hand returned to his hair again as he turned sideways from her. 'Maybe. I don't know. This whole thing is messed up. All I know is, this is _family_. And nothing is more important to me. You know that.'

He felt her come towards him, and she slipped her small arms round his waist. 'I know, big brother. I know.' For a few moments they stayed like that, absorbing the familial comfort from each other. Dean closed his eyes, remembering times when Alex would crawl into his bed with Sammy after a nightmare. She'd never gone to John. But then John was never forgiving if there were nightmares involved. _Man up, kiddo._

Alex stiffened against him. 'Wait. You said angelic grace. Where the hell did that come from?'

Dean hesitated. 'I don't know. Cas said they used a little of it to...er...kickstart the creation side of things.'

'Does that mean he's half angel, half human, half demon...' She paused. 'That makes no sense, even to me.' She looked towards the kitchen. 'I really need that coffee. It's going to be a long day.' She pulled away from her brother and headed for the kitchen. 'You still take it black with no sugar?'

'Yeah.' He watched her leave, then looked back towards the window. The sun was beginning to peek over the horizon. 'So what are the plans for the day?'

* * *

He couldn't keep track of this film. As far as he could tell, the red car was the hero, but was being a jerk to the people in a little town off of an abandoned highway. The Porsche was supposed to be his love interest and Doc was basically Bobby in a bad mood. But James seemed to be really into it, and was animatedly describing all the plot points. At least the film was mildly funny; he thought the tow truck was hilarious. Halfway through the film, Castiel had appeared in the doorway.

'Alex and Sam have gone out for supplies.'

'Hi Castiel.' James chirped happily. Dean could have sworn a small smile crossed the angel's face as the boy greeted him.

'Hello James. I am aware they have gone out, Dean. I was merely checking in. You spoke to Alex?'

'I did. She's probably gonna wanna talk to you too.' Dean's eyes remained on the tv as the hero car was presenting the newly tarmacked road to the locals. James was grinning from ear to ear - apparently he loved this part.

'I understand. I shall return when she comes home.'

'No, Castiel, don't go!' James turned to the angel, a sad look on his face. His eyes were big and wide, and Dean realised that the boy looked exactly like his Uncle Sam in that moment. Curse of the puppy dog eyes. 'Stay and watch. It's my favourite.' Castiel tilted his head to the side and his eyes flitted to the television.

'I suppose...I can stay for a while. I have no pressing matters to attend to.'

James clapped his little boy hands and pushed at Dean, who moved up on the sofa with a roll of his eyes.

Twenty minutes later, when Alex and Sam returned home, they found James sandwiched between Dean and Castiel, all three with their eyes glued to the film's conclusion. The race car had made it to his big race, and all the townsfolk had followed him to cheer him on and help him win. Dean was desperately trying not to show any emotion at the sappy Disney ending, but Castiel was leant forward, in the same position as James, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Not one of them noticed Sam or Alex come in with the bags.

Alex watched for a moment, looking at the three with a grin. Her hand went for her phone, intending on catching the moment, but Dean's words stopped her.

'Don't even think about it. It was enough trouble to delete the one you took last night.'

'Damn you to Hell, Dean Winchester.' Alex replied, sulking that her evidence had been destroyed.

'Been there, done that.' He retorted.

Another twenty minutes later, when the film had finished and James had made his way into the kitchen to help Uncle Sam clear up for lunch, Castiel was still hanging around. Dean looked at him pointedly. 'Go talk to her.'

'She seems to be busy.'

'She's peeling carrots, dude. Just take her outside for five minutes and explain things through. I don't think I did a very good job.'

'You explained it how I did to you?'

Dean shrugged. 'I tried. But I think it just came off...creepy.' Castiel raised an eyebrow, then nodded slowly.

'I shall speak to her.' He walked away from the eldest hunter, and approached Alex, reached out to touch her shoulder gently. 'Alex. May we talk privately?'

She paused, and put the knife down. 'Er, yeah. I guess.'

The angel smiled, and touched her arm again, and suddenly both were gone. James looked up as his mother disappeared, and immediately panicked.

'Mommy?' He asked, looking around. 'Where'd she go? Mommy!'

Sam's eyes met Dean's and the oldest brother gritted his teeth at the angel's behaviour.

'Oh crap.'


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimers are in Chapter One!**

* * *

**Vasquez Rocks, November 2008**

'What the hell, Cas?' Alex shook her arm loose and looked around. The sun was shining brightly around the beauty spot he'd brought them too, and her stomach rolled with the sensations caused by the flying. Had they flown? A second ago she was standing in her kitchen, chopping up carrots. 'Where are we?'

'You always wanted to visit here.' He stated, and she looked around properly. They were at Vasquez Rocks, an iconic scene from many tv shows and movies that she couldn't deny she enjoyed. She had always wanted to come here. How had Castiel known?

'How-?' He seemed to anticipate her question as she got the first word out.

'I have been watching you for a long time, Alex.'

'You finally drop the last name.' She chuckled. 'What are we doing here?'

'Dean said I needed to talk to you.'

'And that couldn't be done in the back yard?'

Castiel looked mildly offended, looking around. 'I thought this would be...comforting.'

Alex raised an eyebrow, then shook her head. 'Never mind. It was a nice thought but...a bit inconvenient.' She stuffed her hands in her pockets and raised her shoulders. 'What did you want to talk about?'

'Dean said he explained the nature of James parentage. But he feels he did not explain it very well.'

'Oh, you mean how my brothers are my kid's dads? That didn't come over very well, no.'

Castiel nodded. 'I can see how it would seem...uncomfortable. But they are his uncles. They just happen to share specifically chosen genetic traits with him.'

'Like the demon blood?' She questioned, a dangerous tone to her voice.

'Like the demon blood. Which is only a danger if he chooses the path that Sam chose. That Sam is now resisting.' Castiel's eyes flickered with something. 'But you are James' mother. You were the chosen vessel to carry him, and he was made from you first and foremost.'

'And the angel grace? Does that make the donating angel his father?' She paused. 'What if it was a girl angel?'

'Gender is not often an issue with angels. And it was only a small amount of grace that was used, for the purposes of creation.' He contemplated for a moment and tilted his head. 'But I suppose, yes. The grace of the angel could be considered as parental input.'

'Who was it?' She asked suddenly. 'Which angel?'

'I do not know.' Castiel replied. Too quickly.

'Okay.' Alex didn't push. He wasn't going to tell her and she wouldn't pursue it for now. She had the answers she needed. 'I just...I need to know, Castiel...you've been with my brothers all this time. I know you've been watching us too, but I need to know...why didn't you tell them where I was?'

The angel regarded her closely, and stepped forward a little. 'There was no "if" your brothers would find you, Alex. It was simply a matter of "when". I have heard a phrase over the millennia, that two halves make a whole. Imagine as if you and James are one half, and Dean and Sam are the other half.' He watched the understanding settle over her face. 'I had hoped you would stay with them when I made the call to inform you of their accident. I knew they would need you after that. But you did not stay.' A few tears gathered in her eyes. 'I do not think you will leave them this time?'

'Would it have changed anything if I had been with them then? If I had stayed?' She took a hitched breath. 'Or if Sammy had come to find me when Dean -' She broke off. Even admitting that her big brother had died and she hadn't done _anything_ was too much.

'No. It would not have changed anything.' She nodded at his confirmation, and looked back over at the rocks.

'I think I want to go home now.'

Castiel nodded, and took her arm once more.

* * *

**Indiana, November 2008**

Days passed without any appearance from Castiel. Alex put him to the back of her mind, and focused on having a happy Thanksgiving with her family. James was excited about the meal, and the parade in town. Dean and Sam had both reluctantly agreed to join them, and Alex knew it was more out of necessity to protect the boy rather than seeing the balloons and floats. James didn't need to know that.

So when they sat down to the turkey dinner, happily chatting away, and letting Dean sit at the head of table and carve the turkey (because Dean was the head of the family, and proud of it whether he'd admit it or not), none of them knew that they were being watched.

And not just by Castiel.

Uriel stood beside him, his cold eyes on the small family. 'You grow too attached, brother.'

Cas didn't look at him, his eyes set on the Winchester family as they laughed and joked, and James animatedly described one of his friend's tree house and how awesome it would be to have a treehouse like it.

'I am attached, Uriel, because it is my job to be attached. I was tasked with protecting this family, with raising Dean from Hell.'

'You grow _emotionally_ involved.' The other angel's tone was bitter, but Cas paid it no mind.

'That is impossible.'

'They will need to be on the road soon. The demons are heading this way. It would be best to take the boy to Heaven to be protected by the garrison.'

'Alex would not allow it.'

'Then take him. She cannot stop you.'

Castiel's jaw ticked at the other angel's words. 'I will not separate him from his mother. It would undoubtedly cause trauma to the boy, which is more likely to send him down the wrong path.'

Uriel regarded him for a moment before tilting his head slightly in acquiescence. 'We shall play it this way for the time being. But if this does not work, the boy goes with the garrison. No questions.' Cas didn't reply, and did not look at Uriel as the angel took his leave. His eyes remained on the Winchesters.

He was not emotionally involved.

He would not rebel.

* * *

Alex leant against the Impala as she looked up at the house she'd called home for four years. James was in the car, playing with his own cars, insisting to his Uncle Sam that cars were alive, and had feelings, they just kept it secret for whatever reasoning a four year old boy felt was acceptable. Sam, for the most part, was agreeing, keeping the youngster distracted from the fact that they were leaving the only home they ever knew, armed only with two small bags of clothes, and a few personal possessions.

Dean came down the steps just then, smiling softly at his baby sister. 'You okay?' She nodded, not saying anything as she unfolded her arms. 'It's gonna be okay, Alex. Just a shame we have to leave that old Cutlass behind.'

'It hasn't run in months anyway.' She waved him off and looked down at the car. 'I never needed to drive anywhere.'

She could see curtains twitching at her neighbours houses, and knew it probably looked suspicious that their quiet neighbour with the sweet little boy, was driving off in the early morning with two strange men they'd never seen before. They would talk and speculate...and she wouldn't be returning here again.

'Where are we headed to first?' She asked Dean, as his hand came to rest on the drivers side door handle.

'Bobby's. He'd love to see you, I know that much.' Dean opened the car door. 'You wanna take a minute?' She hesitated for a moment, and then shook her head.

'No. Let's get going. Quick and painless right?' She looked back once more, then climbed into the back of the Impala next to James. It was sort of like coming home, or slipping into a comfortable old pair of shoes. This car had been her home for nearly twenty years - and now it looked to be the same for her son. It wasn't what she had dreamed of for him, but apparently dreams could not fight destiny.

None of the Winchesters saw Castiel stood on the front lawn of the house, watching them drive away.

The journey to Bobby's was only a four hour drive, but it took longer with the presence of a four year old. When it came to lunch, and they were only halfway there, they had to stop for lunch and break, and Dean picked a Biggerson's chain diner. It had a playground and a good menu, and Dean loved the food there which helped. Alex had remained quiet for most of the journey, and at the diner, she took a moment to excuse herself.

Sam had watched her leave as Dean ordered copious amounts of food for himself and his nephew - who apparently had a similar diet. Sam smiled at the waitress as he ordered a salad for himself, and a simple burger for Alex. When ten minutes had passed, and Alex had not returned, Sam excused himself with a meaningful look towards Dean, who nodded and further distracted James.

Wandering outside, he found Alex sat on a bench outside the diner, staring into space. She looked tired and drawn, and Sam moved over to the bench, joining her without a word. They sat for a few minutes, until Alex spoke, almost making him jump a little.

'Did Dean tell you? About where James came from?'

Sam nodded in affirmation, clasping his hands together. 'Yeah, he did.'

'And?'

'Not gonna lie, it's beyond weird.' He sighed. 'But James is...he's an amazing kid. I'm just sorry he got lumped with...' Sam didn't need to say it. _Demon blood._ Alex nodded in response.

'How are you holding up?' She asked. 'You're not...tempted to leave us?'

Sam shook his head. 'It's...easier. With James and you. Easier than it was with just Dean.'

'And that demon girl...she's not trying to contact you anymore.'

'She's trying. I'm ignoring.' He shrugged. 'You need to eat, Alex. I've not seen you touch food today. You barely touched Thanksgiving. You're far too skinny.'

'I'm fine.'

'Nope. Come on. I ordered you a burger. And I want it finished.'

'I'm sure I'm supposed to be the older sibling', she teased as she got up from the bench. Sam chuckled.

'Well, I'm bigger.'

* * *

It was mid afternoon when they finally arrived at Singer's Salvage Yard. Bobby was out the front, working on a car, when they pulled up in the Impala. Alex was sat in the front, as requested by James, who wanted his Uncle Sammy to sit in the back and play car games with him. Within twenty minutes of leaving the Biggersons, James was out cold, and hadn't woken up since. Alex had dozed a little, but had awoken when they'd crossed the border into South Dakota.

'We're here.' Dean said quietly, reaching out to grasp his sister's hand briefly. 'You okay?'

'Kinda nervous.' Alex shifted.

'Bobby's probably going to chew you out big time. But he'll be happy to see you.' Her mouth set into a thin line as she nodded, but she was clearly still apprehensive. She looked over to James, who was still asleep, and Sammy smiled at her.

'I'll get him. You go do the chewing out thing.'

She scowled at him, and got out of the car. Dean followed suit, smiling brightly at Bobby.

'About time you idjits turned up. Was starting to think you'd fallen off the face of the -' He saw her then, clearly as she came around the front of the Impala. 'Alex?'

'Hey, Bobby.'

The old man blinked, staring at her as if he'd seen a ghost. 'Alex?'

'We've just done that bit, Bobby.' Dean said with a hint of attitude. 'She's back. We found her.'

'Where? How? When?' The aged hunter asked, his eyes scraping over her. 'Did you not have food where you were?'

'Why's everyone think I'm too skinny?' Alex asked, looking over at her brother. Suddenly she found herself enveloped in Bobby's arms as the old man squeezed the life out of her.

'Damn, girl, I thought you was dead!' He said, holding her tightly. 'Where the hell you been?'

'Indiana.' Dean supplied, then motioned for Sam to get out of the car. 'And there's some other stuff you need to know.' Sam pulled himself out of the car, his arms full as he stood straight, turning slowly with the cargo in his possession. Bobby's eyes widened as he stepped back from Alex and saw James for the first time.

'What the hell?'

Alex smiled at the sleeping boy being held gently by his uncle. 'Bobby, this is James. My son.'

* * *

James was sitting on the floor of Bobby's living room, playing a game with his "Cars" action figures, inventing a whole imaginary world around them. Sam was following up on his now favourite activity participating with the boy, and Dean smiled as he watched them from the kitchen, not having seen Sam so relaxed since he got back from Hell. Since the whole psychic powers issue, Sam had been tense and on edge. But James had a calming effect on him, just like he did on Dean.

When Castiel had said the boy was special, Dean was in no rush to disagree.

Bobby was staring at him too. They'd filled him in on all that had happened, and everything they knew, and Bobby had listened, not interrupting. He'd yet to chew Alex out for disappearing, but it looked like he understood _why_ she had gone.

John Winchester had never been an easy man to live with, and Bobby had seen the way he'd treated his daughter.

Girls were not hunters. Not naturally. Even if Alex took to it as naturally as her brother.

When they'd finished explaining, Bobby had fished out the beers and handed them round. Alex had declined at first, saying she didn't like to drink when she was responsible for an awake four year old. Sam had immediately offered to forgo the beer, insisting she needed to relax. The dark circles under her eyes had Bobby readily agreeing, and Dean was hoping that the one beer would be enough to coax his sister into getting a good nights sleep.

Explaining James' parentage had been fun, with the seasoned hunter having the same reaction to the idea that the boy was created from _all_ of them. When he'd asked if they knew who the angel was who had "donated" grace, Alex had shrugged and said it wasn't really very important at the time.

At which point James had run into the room and smiled up at his mom with those big baby blues and asked sweetly whether Santa would know if they'd moved, as it was nearly Christmas after all.

Alex had immediately looked to Dean, who'd looked to Bobby. James had turned his deadliest weapon on the old man, and Bobby Singer, feared and respected hunter, had melted underneath James Winchester's blue gaze.

'Well, I guess you guys can spend Christmas here.'

'So Santa will know where we are?' James asked excitedly. Alex smiled and knelt down at his level.

'Sure he will, honey. Santa always knows where we are.'

'Like Cas does, mommy?' Alex froze at that and looked up at Dean, then regained her composure and smiled again.

'Just like Cas does, sweetheart.'

James seemed satisfied with that, and raced off back to the living room. 'Uncle Sammy, Uncle Sammy! We're gonna have Christmas here. Can we go play hide and seek outside?' The change of topic had probably given Sam whiplash, but he covered it well, looking to Alex for permission, and when she nodded, he smiled down at his nephew.

'Sure thing. But you wanna watch out, cos I'm currently being possessed by the tickle monster!' Dean rolled his eyes as he watched Sam chasing their nephew from the house. He chuckled lowly and turned back to Alex.

'He sure is fond of our resident angel.'

Alex shrugged. 'James is trusting. He's four.'

'Probably something we'd want to discourage.' Bobby suggested quietly, turning around to pick up his beer from the side. 'And while you're here, I got a job for you. It's about an hour away. Kids at a high school attacking each other. Might be a demon thing.'

Dean nodded. 'Shouldn't take more than a couple days.' He looked to Alex. 'Up for an old fashioned hunt?' She paled.

'I'm not leaving James.'

'Thought you might say that.' Her brother replied. 'What if we leave Sam here?' She shook her head.

The fluttering of wings had them all looking towards the sitting room. 'I believe I can be of some assistance.'

Alex narrowed her eyes. 'Spying again, Castiel?' Bobby stifled a laugh. She hadn't changed; Winchester through and through.

'If you wish to participate in the hunt; and it would be advisable as you are out of practice -' Her mouth dropped open at that. 'I will stay. I will watch over the boy and if anything happens, I will bring him straight to you.'

'Wait - are you offering to babysit?' Dean asked, an incredulous look on his face. Castiel looked directly at him.

'I am simply offering to do the job I have been doing since before he was born.'

Alex hugged herself. 'I don't know...' The angel turned to her, bringing his blue eyes to meet hers, his tone smooth and serious as always.

'No harm will come to James. He is too important, Alex.'

'And you won't be running off to Heaven with him?' She asked warily and he did that stupid head tilt that was beginning to get on her nerves.

'We had already discussed that was not what you wanted.'

'So that settles it. You kids go do your hunt and me and the angel will babysit the rugrat.' Bobby clapped his hands together and rubbed them, smiling at the Winchesters and the angel. 'So? Go hunt.'

* * *

After three days, they found their way home, weary and fed up. Alex had been going crazy being so far away from James, not having spent any time away from him since he was born. She resolutely vowed that she wouldn't be separated from him again, hunting be damned. Dean had argued the point, but she had rebutted him at every point.

The hunt itself had been slightly complicated. The school they'd gone to investigate was one they had attended briefly when they were kids, and Alex had hated it there. It had been one of the schools where Sam had enjoyed himself, aside from the bully that had eventually been their vengeful spirit. Dean hadn't liked it much either.

It was dark when they rolled back into Sioux Falls, and December was settling in. Christmas lights and decorations were going up all over the town, and Alex was surprised when they got to Bobby's and found that a few twinkling lights were coming from the Singer residence. Dean parked the Impala in their usual spot at the front of the house and all three tired siblings climbed out. Alex was first up the steps, eager to see her son. She barged through the door, straight into the living room, finding herself with untold amounts of relief when she found Bobby on the sofa with James curled up beside him, watching cartoons.

'You should be in bed, mister.' Alex scolded, and James jumped up, screeching loudly as he ran to his mom. She bent down and scooped him up in a hug, squeezing him tightly as she looked over at Bobby. 'How was he?'

Bobby nodded. 'Good as gold. No trouble at all.'

Alex smiled and looked around. 'Where's Castiel?'

'Granpa Bobby told Cas off for being so boring.'

'Grandpa?' Dean asked, walking into the room and dumping the duffle bag of weapons on the floor. 'S'a good look, Bobby.' He chuckled as Bobby glared at him.

James yawned loudly and Alex ruffled his hair. 'I think it's time for someone to go to bed.' She looked round at Bobby and her brothers. 'I'm gonna take him up, okay?' She turned without getting a reply, and headed up the stairs with her precious cargo, taking him into the bedroom that had quickly become his, mainly because it was the only room without engine parts or dangerous relics in it. Within ten minutes, James was asleep in his bed, and Alex sat, watching him closely.

'He was very well behaved whilst you were away.'

She turned at the sound of the angel's voice, and smiled softly. 'He's a good boy.'

'I did not have to call you once. But you did not seem to adjust well to being away from him.' Alex sighed at the angel's words. 'I could feel your anxiety for him.'

'That's not creepy in the slightest.' She muttered, then looked back to her son. 'I've not been away from him for that long before.'

'It will be easier next time.'

'There won't be a next time.'

'You have to hunt, Alex. You need to retrain yourself. Hunts are the best way to do that.' Castiel's voice was insistent. 'You were born to be a hunter. It is your job.'

'No!' She hissed, losing her temper. 'My job is mom. My job is cook, cleaner, maid, play maker, and cuddle giver. He is my first and _only_ priority.' She glared at the angel as she placed a blanket over her sons sleeping form. 'I am not having this argument, Cas. I will help where I can, keep to the local hunts but I will _not_ leave my son again.'

'Alex -'

'No.' She growled, storming from the room. Cas watched her leave. The argument was over.

For now.

* * *

December gave way to January, and with it 2009 came soaring in. Christmas was a quiet affair, unless you count the severe excitement James displayed at the large amount of "Cars" related items that his uncles and honorary grandfather had bestowed on him. Alex had no idea how they were expected to tow that stuff around once they got back on the road. _If_ they got back on the road. At the moment they had been sticking to local hunts, and the boys were mostly going alone. Alex helped with the research and anything that was an hour or two away at most.

Castiel hadn't shown his face since they had fought, although she knew that he was lurking around somewhere. James had been disappointed, mainly because he had gotten the angel a Christmas present, despite his mom's insistence that angels didn't really _do_ Christmas. The boy had merely replied that everyone did Christmas, with that tone of voice that indicated his mom was being silly.

It was the middle of January before they saw the angel again. James was in the yard with Bobby, receiving a lesson on car mechanics, in which the boy was engrossed; Dean and Sam were polishing up their guns in the house, and Alex was taking some quiet time to read a book from a series that Sam had gotten her for Christmas. He'd been nerdgasming over them for months, and had insisted she read them. She couldn't deny she was enjoying the books.

'Game Of Thrones.' The angel's voice had disrupted her from a very engaging chapter in her book, and she spooked, dropping it to the ground and scowling at Cas. 'Is it interesting?'

She figured if she told the angel what it was about, he'd either be confused or would have an aneurysm, so she smiled and nodded. 'Yeah, it's good. What brings you around, Cas?'

'I never technically left. I just did not make my presence known.' He looked around. 'I have some information. In Wyoming. Another seal is at risk.'

'Ooookay. Shouldn't you be telling my brothers this?' Alex swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. 'Instead of appearing in my bedroom like some creepy ass stalker?'

'It would be wise for you to join them on this hunt.' Her eyes narrowed.

'Not telling you again, Cas. I'm not leaving James. Wyoming is ten hours out. That requires an overnight stay, or more, and I'm just...not doing it okay?'

'You need to hunt.'

She scowled. 'You need to leave.' Alex put the book down on the night stand and pushed past Castiel towards the stairs. The angel followed, intent on behaving like a dog with a bone.

'You cannot ignore this forever, Alex. James is safe here with Bobby and with me. Nothing will happen.'

'I don't care!' She yelled back up the stairs as he followed her down. The commotion drew Sam and Dean from the sitting room. 'I'm not going.'

'Going where?' Dean asked, looking between his sister and the angel.

'Wyoming. A town where no one has died for a week and a half.' Castiel explained. 'Your sister is reluctant to leave James to go on the hunt with you.'

'The two of us can handle it.' Sam said, backing his big sister up. 'Alex can stay here.'

'She cannot avoid the fight forever.' Cas argued, and Dean held a hand up.

'I'm not forcing her to go. And you ain't either, Cas.'

The front door opened at that moment, and James barrelled through it, Bobby in tow with an oily rag in his hand. 'Mommy! Granpa showed me how an engine works, and he believes cars can talk too! And -' His bright blue eyes spotted Castiel at that moment and he smiled brightly. 'Cas! You came back.' His face fell. 'You weren't here for Christmas.' He brightened again. 'I'm gonna go get your present!'

'Present?' Castiel tilted his head to the side and looked at Alex. She glared at him as the child ran past everyone into the kitchen.

'He got you something for Christmas. I tried to explain that angels don't get presents, but he insisted. So be nice.' James came running through back from the kitchen with a small box in his hands. He offered it up to Cas, who looked at it as though it might be dangerous.

'You're supposed to take it. Don't worry, I don't want nothing back. Mommy says we don't give presents to get presents.' He held the box up higher towards the confused looking angel, who took it gently. He inspected the box thoroughly.

'It is...very nice, James. I am thankful.' James giggled and Dean leant forward a little, whispering to the angel.

'You're supposed to open it.'

'Oh.' Cas pulled the lid off of the box and looked inside, finding a small toy, a car toy. It had eyes where it's windscreen would normally be, and a goofy smile in place of the front bumper. He pulled the car out and turned it around in his hand.

'Now you can play cars with me.' James announced proudly, and Alex watched, feeling a lump in her throat. She never realised how much of a presence Castiel had become in her young son's life. And she didn't know how to tell him that angels didn't play games. But to her surprise, Cas bent down, getting onto one knee so he was at James' level, a goddamn _genuine_ smile on his face as he looked at the boy.

'I would very much like that, James.'

* * *

Alex had steadfastly refused to go on the hunt. So the boys had taken off on their own, with a promise to be back in a couple of days. Castiel had disappeared again, leaving them with a similar promise to return. Alex had settled back down to her books and giving James some home school lessons. He wasn't due to start at proper school until the fall, and they would cross that bridge when they came to it. Bobby was spending his time teaching James about car engines, and much to Alex's reluctance, how to shoot. He was only using a small air rifle, similar to the ones that Alex and her brothers had trained on.

James had a natural talent, which was unsurprising really. Alex had watched him shoot, and his aim was impeccable. But at this age, it was still all a game to him, and he didn't realise that the monsters his uncles fought were truly horrific. To a four year old, everything was in terms of superheroes and bad guys and James wasn't old enough to know any different.

Three days after leaving, Dean and Sam returned in the middle of the night. Alex was still awake, alternating between researching and reading, and ignoring the glaring insomnia that was kicking her ass. Bobby had tried to get her to take some sleeping pills, but she didn't like not being alert, and the pills tended to make her drowsy.

Sam offered her a smile when he came in, and she returned it. He went straight to the kitchen for something to eat as Dean fell onto the sofa in the sitting room.

'You okay?' She asked her big brother. He looked pale, drawn and generally fed up.

'Pamela got killed. Demons.'

'Oh.' Alex had never actually met Pamela. But she knew that the boys had gotten quite fond of her. So she was saddened to hear of her passing. 'How did the hunt go? Did you stop the seal getting broken?'

'Yeah. Seal saved.' He was giving her short and clipped answers. Alex narrowed her eyes.

'Dean?' He didn't look at her. 'What's wrong?'

'There was a reaper there...we had to...there was a whole astral projection thing. The reaper that was there was the one I fought at the hospital. The one that tried to take me.' He sighed. 'I remember what happened there now.' He looked up at her, green eyes boring into her with something she couldn't quite place. 'I remember being in that room with you, when you were just sitting there with me.' Alex paled.

'You were there? You were -'

'A spirit. Albeit briefly. But I remember watching you cry. Why didn't you stay, Alex?' He sighed. 'You should have stayed.'

'Cas said it wouldn't have changed anything.'

'Doesn't matter.' He stood up. 'You should have stayed.' With that, he walked out of the room. Sam came in from the kitchen just as he left, looking quizzically at the retreating form of his elder brother.

'What's going on?'

All Alex could do was look up at him sadly.


	6. Chapter 6

**No flames so far. Assuming people like it. Standard disclaimers apply from Chapter One. Some stolen dialogue from the series, and as usual, no profit being made, yadda yadda yadda.**

**Enjoy. This one goes out to mah TashyMilashy ^.^**

* * *

**Sioux Falls, February 2009**

The boys had been gone for two days. They'd driven up to Pamela's funeral, and were taking their time getting back. Bobby had already come home a few hours before, and Alex was close to wearing a hole in the carpet. James had gone to bed with an almighty tantrum because he hadn't seen his uncles like they'd promised, and Cas wasn't answering any of their calls.

Alex had known she should have gone with them, but she'd not felt right taking James along at only four years old. And she hadn't actually known Pamela.

When her phone rang, she jumped about six foot in the air. Seeing the caller ID flash up, she immediately answered, unable to keep the fear from her voice.

'Sammy?'

/_Alex! They took Dean._/

'What do you mean? Who took Dean?' Her eyes went wide, and she looked to Bobby, who frowned in her direction.

/_We were tired, we stopped at a motel. Castiel and Uriel were there. They - they took Dean! Said that angels had been killed and they needed Dean to interrogate Alastair for information._/

Alex's blood ran cold. Dean had confided in her over the past few months, about what he had done in Hell. It hadn't been easy for him, and she knew that going back into that kind of situation could break him all over again. Evidently Sam felt the same. 'Sam, where are you?'

/_Two hours out. We - I can find him. I can bring him home._/

Her eyes narrowed at his words. 'Who's "we", Sam?'

/_It doesn't matter._/ Her brother replied hastily. /_I'll find him, okay?_/ And he hung up. Alex gaped at the phone, knowing instinctively that something else was going on. She looked over at Bobby.

'The angels took Dean. Want him to interrogate someone.' She looked towards the stairs. We have to go and find him but...' Her problem was clear. There was a sleeping child upstairs that she couldn't take with her.

'I can stay here with him.' Bobby offered.

'Castiel isn't here.'

'The house is warded, Alex. You need to go find your brother.' The older man smiled gently. 'We'll be fine. Go bring those idjits home.'

'Okay.' She nodded. 'Okay. I'm just gonna go check on him. He shouldn't wake up but...I just wanna...' She didn't finish her sentence as she bolted from the room, making it up the stairs in seconds. The churning in her stomach wouldn't go away, and just _seeing_ James, knowing he was okay...

The door to the bedroom that had become his in such a short space of time, creaked a little as she opened it and she waited for the relief to come when she confirmed her son was in his bed, fast asleep. But her relief did not come.

James wasn't there.

* * *

'This devil's trap is old Enochian. He's bound completely.' Castiel's voice had its usual emotionless tone. Dean scowled, and briefly peered through the door at the bound Alastair. A minute shiver ran down his spine as he looked at the demon responsible for his torture in hell - the demon who'd gotten him to do unspeakable things.

'Fascinating.' He mumbled, turning away from the sight. 'Where's the door?'

'Where are you going?' The angel asked, acting like he was confused.

'Hitch back to Cheyenne, thank you very much.'

Uriel was practically growling at him. The large angel glowered as Dean tried to walked past, blocking his path. 'Angels are dying, boy.'

'Everybody's dying these days. And hey, I get it.' Dean spread his arms, mustering as much snark as he could. 'You're all powerful. You can make me do whatever you want. But you can't make me do this.'

'This is too much to ask, I know. But we have to ask it.' Cas seemed genuinely upset at having to ask it, if Dean was honest, and he softened a little before turning back to Uriel.

'I want to talk to Cas alone.'

'I do not think so.' Uriel smiled, slyly. 'I can make this go much quicker and faster than Castiel.' He gestured to the space beside him, and another angel appeared, holding a smaller figure. He dropped the child to the floor, and he sat there, confused and bewildered, wearing a very familiar pair of Superman pyjamas and peering upwards with a very familiar pair of blue eyes.

'James!' Dean cried out, dashing forward, but Uriel blocked his path once more. The dark angel's eyes drifted up to meet Castiel's gaze, and the smaller angel glared at him, before looking to James with concern. Dean scowled up at Uriel, murder promised in his eyes. 'You send him home, _right now._'

'I do not think so.'

'James Winchester is under our protection, Uriel.' There was an edge to Castiel's voice that Dean had only heard once before, when he had said that Dean should show him some respect. 'You should return him to his mother.'

'No harm will come to the boy.' Uriel said, as James hugged his knees, his eyes seeking out the people he knew in the room. He looked tired and terrified.

'Uncle Dean? Cas?' His small voice reached a hand around Dean's heart, and he moved forward again. Uriel smiled as he held him back effortlessly.

'Provided that you do what is required.' The dark angel finished his sentence, looking down at the boy. 'James Winchester will be returned to his mother, not a hair harmed on his head.' Dean looked at Cas, who glanced back with that same look of concern on his face. Then he returned his glare to Uriel, knowing that somehow, someday, he'd kill this angel.

'Fine. I'll do it.'

* * *

'Where is he?' Alex was screaming hysterically. Bobby had called Sam to inform him, and the younger Winchester sibling had panicked at the thought of his missing nephew. He'd told Bobby that they had a way to find Dean, and were going as fast as they could. Alex had frantically asked him to hurry, uncaring of his methods. 'Cas! Castiel!' She was falling apart quickly, clutching at her chest as she cried out for the angel who was supposed to protect them. 'Why isn't he answering?'

Bobby didn't know what to say.

* * *

Alastair was grinning at him. The demon was fucking _grinning._ 'I had your pop on my rack for close to a century.'

'You can't stall forever.' Dean said, ignoring him.

'John Winchester.' The way the demon spoke, drawing his words out, was already grating on Dean's nerves. 'Made a good name for himself. A hundred years. After each session, I'd make him the same offer I made you. I'd put down my blade if he picked one up.'

'Just give me the demon's name, Alastair.' _You're doing this to save James. Just think of James, let the routine take over._

'But he said nein each and every time. Oh, damned if I couldn't break him.' Dean slipped his coat off his shoulders, scowling at the floor. He didn't want to look at Alastair as the demon spoke his damned words. 'Pulled out all the stops, but John, he was, well, made of something unique. The stuff of heroes.' Dean could feel Alastair _leering_ at him from his position in the chains. 'And then came Dean. Dean Winchester. I thought I was up against it all again.'

Dean found a bottle of whiskey by the equipment they'd left. He took a swig, trying to ignore the demon.

'But daddy's little girl, he broke. He broke in thirty. Oh, just not the man your daddy wanted you to be, huh Dean?' He put the bottle down as Alastair drew a deep breath. 'I wonder if little Jimmy was bend as easy as you did.'

Green eyes fixed him with a death stare. Alastair smiled.

* * *

Castiel stood in the next room, hearing the screams of Alastair as Dean went to work. He looked towards Uriel, who smiled a little, then his gaze drifted down to James, who stood prone and pale, and Cas could _feel _the fear rolling from the little boy. He knew his uncle was in that other room, but he was too young to understand what was going on.

Uriel didn't say anything, but his eyes were full of disapproval as Castiel moved over to kneel beside the boy. James immediately scrambled into his arms, clinging to his trenchcoat with strong little fists. The screams continued and his fists tightened as he tried to ignore them.

'You are growing too attached.' Uriel spoke lowly. 'You know that you are being questioned.'

'I am aware.' Cas muttered in return, his hands coming to cover James' ears. He would have preferred this not to have happened, but he knew of his superiors suspicion of him. He did not want to fall from grace, but his mission had always been to protect James and his family. Feeling the fear coming from the boy was burning him from the inside. It did not help he could hear Alex's cries echoing in her head, begging him to go to her, to help her.

This was not right.

'You are getting too close to the humans in your charge, Castiel.'

Cas glared at him. 'You should not have taken him.'

'I did what was necessary. Dean Winchester needed to comply.'

A rage was welling inside Cas now, and it was directed at Uriel. He stood, holding James close to him, feeling the boy tremble. The screams had stopped for now, and Castiel could hear the demon throwing words at Dean; describing what he would do to the youngest Winchester, how he would turn him, make him a killer. And the rage intensified.

'I am taking him home.' He said, his tone brokering no argument. Uriel's eyes burned into his.

'The child stays.'

'No.'

'Are you rebelling, Castiel?' Uriel scoffed. 'Against our orders.'

'_My _orders are to protect the Winchesters.' Castiel spat back. 'I have never disobeyed.'

'Your orders were to watch, to intervene when necessary. You have given in to emotion. You have allowed circumstances to cloud your judgement.'

'The circumstances have not -'

Uriel cut him off angrily. 'You think because it is your grace inside the boy and his mother, that you can revoke orders issued by our superiors?' Castiel's jaw set hard, and he stood his ground, his arms clutching to James, who whimpered and buried his face further into the angel's coat. 'You are not the boy's father, Castiel. You were a means to an end.'

'That does not matter. I am returning him to his mother.' He turned, knowing that Uriel would not be happy about it, but would not pursue. 'I will return once I know he is safe.'

* * *

She'd worn herself out from screaming. She knelt in the dirt outside Bobby's Singers house, silent tears tracking down her face. She didn't know where to go, where to start. _Something_ had taken her son, and she had no way of finding out what. Bobby was frantically calling everyone he knew, including the local police, but it was not getting them anywhere.

And Castiel was not answering.

'You promised you would protect him.' She whispered uselessly against the night air.

'I did not lie.' The angel's voice floated back to her, and she shot upwards, seeing him approaching, James in his arms. The boy was weeping quietly, his tiny fists balled in Castiel's jacket. Alex stood, running for them, prying her son from his grip, and sinking to the floor with him, cradling him tightly.

'James, oh god, sweetheart, are you okay?' The boy was crying with relief, much like his mother, and she looked up. 'Where the hell were you? It's been hours! I thought...' She sobbed loudly.

'I know. I am sorry. I tried to return sooner.'

'What the _hell_ happened?' She demanded.

'Uriel took him. To persuade Dean to help us.' Her gaze turned to pure fury in that instant. 'I took him against orders, to return him to you. I could not leave him there.' She could have sworn that Castiel looked _pissed_. 'I am sorry, Alex. I did not know this would happen.' She nodded mutely, moving to stand up.

'I should get him to bed.' She whispered, standing and holding James tightly. 'And if you even _think_ of suggesting I leave him ever again, I swear...' She left the words hanging as she headed back to the house. Cas regarding her retreating form for a few moments, then followed, something in him needing to see them safely inside. Tonight, he would ward the house against angels. He could watch from the outside. It would be safer that way.

As he followed Alex into the house and watched her go upstairs, Bobby appeared from the sitting room. His gaze followed the same path as Castiel's, a look of relief on his face. 'You brought him home?'

'I did.'

'Where was he?'

'Uriel took him. For persuasion for Dean.'

Bobby's face was a mask of anger. 'Did you know about this?'

'No. I was...displeased with the decision.'

'Displeased?' Bobby asked incredulously.

Castiel took a breath. 'I was more than displeased. I have disobeyed, but I have disobeyed for good reason.' He looked Bobby dead in the eye. 'Any father would do the same.'

And he was gone.

* * *

Dean rolled over onto his side, coughing up blood. Things had gone south quicker than he'd expected. And now Alastair was leaning over him, grinning that disgusting grin of his, and if Dean could see through the blood, he'd be seeing the demons true face. Maybe he was about to die. Which royally sucked.

Alastair smiled, and planted a foot into his ribs, cracking and breaking several. Dean spat blood up again and his eyes rolled back in his head.

'You know that little boy, our little _Jimmy_...he heard what his hero uncle Dean did. Could hear you doing what you do best. Slashing and cutting away. What will he think of you, now? Not so much of a hero any more.' A low chuckle, and nausea rolled through the nearly unconscious Winchester. 'Maybe he'll find a new hero. Sammy? No joy there. He's back on the wagon isn't he? Or not.' The cryptic words were pissing Dean off, but he was struggling to hold back the blackness, so lashing out was the furthest thing from his capability. 'Maybe _daddy_ angel will step in. Oh, but you don't know that do you? Your nephew with his demon blood and belly fulla angel grace...and Castiel was the lucky man for the job.'

_What?_

_No._

_How could that..._

Darkness overtook him, and he passed out.

The darkness lasted for days, maybe weeks. Or it felt that way. When he finally found the strength to open his eyes and to let the light in, the room he found before him was sterile, white and almost blinding. He lent his head to the side, seeing a figure on his left, dozing in a chair. _Sammy_. His brother looked exhausted. He turned his head to the other side, and found a similar chair, with his little sister in it. She was awake, but James was snuggled in her lap, out cold like his uncle. Alex's eyes widened as she saw Dean's eyes open and she smiled a little, reaching out for his hand.

When her hand slipped into his, and the whole world became real again, he sighed. His body relaxed and his eyes fluttered shut again. His family was safe and okay.

That was all that mattered.

* * *

Castiel glared at the dripping faucet that had broken the devil's trap, his face emotionless. He heard the flutter of wings behind him and turned as Uriel approached.

'You called?' The other angel queried, but Cas didn't reply as he regarded his comrade. 'What do you say, Castiel? Will you join me? Will you fight with me?'

His suspicions were confirmed. From the first moment that Uriel had brought James to this place, he'd suspected that Uriel was up to something. He looked back at the devil's trap. 'Strange. Strange how a leaky pipe can undo the work of angels when we ourselves are supposed to be the agents of fate.'

'Alastair was much more powerful than we had imagined.'

'No. No demon can overpower that trap. I made it myself. We've been friends for a long time, Uriel. Fought by each other's sides, served together away from home, for what seems like forever. We're brothers, Uriel. Pay me that respect. Tell me the truth.' Castiel's blue eyes implored him, hoping that his thoughts were not true, that Uriel would not have turned against the orders of heaven.

'The truth is, the only thing that can kill an angel...' He paused, letting his angel blade drop from his sleeve. '...is another angel.'

'You.' The single word was loaded with venom. Uriel smiled.

'I'm afraid so.'

'And you broke the devil's trap, set Alastair on Dean.'

'Alastair should never have been taken alive. Really inconvenient, Cas. Yes, I did turn the screw a little. Alastair should have killed Dean, taken James and escaped, and you should have gone on happily scape goating the demons.'

Cas could feel the anger stirring in him. 'For the murders of our kin?'

Uriel shook his head. 'Not murders, Castiel. No. My work is conversion. How long have we waited here? How long have we played this game by rules that make no sense?'

'It is our father's world, Uriel.' He fell back on what made sense to him. The other angel chuckled dryly.

'Our father? He stopped being that, if he ever was, the moment he created them. Humanity, his favorites. This whining, puking larva.'

'Are you trying to convert me?' Cas' eyebrow arched up in confusion.

'I wanted you to join me. And I still do. With you, with the boy, we can be powerful enough to -' He paused briefly, and Cas felt the anger inside intensifying.

'To...' He prompted, needing to know the end game.

'To raise our brother.'

And there it was. 'Lucifer.'

'You do remember him? How strong he was? How beautiful? And he didn't bow to humanity. He was punished for defending us. Now, if you want to believe in something, Cas, believe in him.'

'Lucifer is not God.'

'God isn't God anymore. He doesn't care what we do. I am proof of that. You, even, with your unyielding devotion to a family that can never be yours.'

'But this? What were you gonna do, Uriel? Were you gonna kill the whole garrison?'

Uriel shook his head again, looking frustrated. 'I only killed the ones who said no. Others have joined me, Cas. Now, please, brother, don't fight me. Help me. Help me spread the word. Help me bring on the apocalypse. All you have to do is be unafraid.' He took a second. 'Lucifer would let you be with them. In return for your loyalty, he would let you be with _your_ family.'

Castiel looked his former comrade dead in the eye. 'I am not afraid, Uriel.'

The other angel smiled, and Cas stepped forward, quickly landing a punch on him, sending him through the wall several feet away. Uriel was quick to his feet, sending a punch back in return. Cas dodged, but took a knee to the kidney, which sent him lurching forwards. As he turned back, Uriel came back at him with a metal bar, taking the trench coated angel to the floor. Cas spat blood onto the floor, looking up at the dark angel.

'You can't win, Uriel. I still serve God.'

'You haven't even met the man. There is no will. No wrath. No God.' He landed a punch with each word, and as he spat the final declaration, he brought his fist backwards. As he did so, the point of an angel blade emerged from his neck and he spluttered, choking on the weapon.

'Maybe. Or maybe not. But there's still me.' Anna's voice came from behind the angel, and Cas breathed an unneeded sigh of relief. The red headed angel pulled the blade free and Uriel collapsed, screaming as white light flared in his eyes and mouth. The building was filled as the angel died, leaving scorched wing marks across the devil's trap.

Anna looked down at Cas, helping him to his feet. He was bruised and bloody, but they were minor injuries for an angel.

'You came.' He said quietly.

'I did. You figured it out for yourself.' She smiled softly. 'You are still _considering_ disobedience?'

'I have to keep them safe.' Castiel said weakly. 'Uriel said I was compromised by my attachment to them.'

Anna smiled, reaching out to grasp his arm gently. 'I still believe in our Father. But I believe his plans are different to what the higher angels' order. And I believe part of this, is that you are attached to the Winchesters' for a reason. The boy was made from part of you, Castiel. It would be understandable that you hold a father's love for him.'

'It will endanger him.'

'Family often does. The Winchesters understand that more than others.' She smiled. 'Go to them. Comfort them. Be _honest_ with them, Cas.'

He looked at her for a long moment, trying to decide what to do.

In the end, the decision took only seconds.

* * *

When he landed in the hospital, Dean was alone in his bed. He was awake, and many of the tubes that had been there before were gone. Only the oxygen tube, IV and heart monitor remained. Castiel looked around for the rest of the Winchester family, but could not see them, so he opted to sit with Dean until they came back.

'Are you all right?' He asked, as he took the seat that Sam had previously occupied.

'No thanks to you.' Dean's rasped reply was full of anger.

'You need to be more careful.' Cas said quietly, his worry for Dean eclipsing the anger he felt at his former friend for being the cause of this.

'You need to learn how to manage a damn devil's trap.' The eldest Winchester accused.

The angel shook his head. 'That's not what I mean. Uriel is dead.'

'Was it the demons?'

'It was disobedience. He was working against us.' Silence reigned for a few moments then, until Dean drew a shaky breath, looking over at the angel with his swollen eyes.

'Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?'

Castiel didn't know how to answer. He couldn't lie. The truth would cut Dean apart, however much he needed to know. 'Yes. When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you -'

'Jump-started the apocalypse.'

'And we were too late.' The angel admitted, lowering his gaze to the floor.

'Why didn't you just leave me there, then?'

'It's not blame that falls on you, Dean, it's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it.'

'Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean?' Castiel stood, feeling uncomfortable. He was not intending on leaving, but Dean saw his movements differently. 'Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean!'

'I don't know.' He admitted.

'Bull.' Dean spat.

'I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you.'

'Well, then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not - I'm not strong enough. Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me.'

Cas watched Dean break, right there and then in that hospital bed.

* * *

He watched.

It was all he could do.

Everyone in the Singer house was asleep. Dean and Sam shared a room on the first floor, next to the room containing Alex and James. She had moved into the room to be closer to her son, his kidnap making her more skittish. She sleep awkwardly on a camp bed, a flimsy sheet covering her as she slept fitfully. Castiel knew she hadn't slept properly in days, and it was worse than before. Alex Winchester had always been a light sleeper but this was bordering on a complete lack of rest that would eventually make her sick.

His eyes drifted from Alex to James, and he moved closer, kneeling at the side of the bed. He longed to reach out and smooth back the boy's hair from his eyes, but he was frozen, unable to move for fear of waking either of them.

The truth would out. Alex would find out it was his grace that had given James life, and that she still held a part of him inside her. And she would never forgive him for lying to her.

All he had was his duty.

_Protect the Winchesters. Protect the boy and his mother._

_Protect your son._

Cas sighed.

* * *

Alex awoke to the alarm on the radio, smiling broadly as the sun filtered in through the window. She sat up, and threw the duvet across as she hummed along to the pop tune on the radio. She did so love a bit of Lady Gaga. In record time, she was showered and dressed, and grabbing her healthy snack bar for breakfast, before heading down the stairs to the storage lock up. Within moments, she was on her push bike, putting her headphones in and singing to herself as she cycled the short route to the office.

After parking up her bike at Sandover Bridge and Iron, she made her way up through the elevators to the IT support area. When she walked in with her bright yellow t-shirt and jeans on, she got several waves from colleagues. Sam Wesson, a guy that had started at the same time as her, offered a small nod and a smile as she walked past, which she returned. She hadn't spoken to him much, not even in training - he seemed like the tall brooding type that she didn't normally associate with.

She sat down at her desk and put her walkman away, setting up her station for the day. Burying herself in her work was something she was good at, and she happily tapped away at the network diagnosis she was working on.

As the day passed, she split her time between chatting to friends on Facebook and the network diagnosis. She was determined to get this done today, and before she knew it, she was staying late. Only one other staff member had stayed - she didn't know his name, but she knew he'd been panicking about some work he'd not gotten done. Alex had simply shrugged it off, knowing these things happened on occasion. She didn't understand why he was so worked up about.

So when he got up and went to the rest area, she paid it no mind.

When she got up herself a while later and went to get a coffee, and found him with his head in the microwave, smoke and blood everywhere, Alex did what anyone else would do.

She screamed.


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm starting to mess with episodes now. I'm not gonna rely on canon-script, as it doesn't suit the needs of the story and if you're here, you know what happens already. So I'm taking artistic interpretation. Enjoy! (Usual disclaimers apply!) Also, for the purposes of my story, there is no Adam.**

* * *

**Sandover Bridge & Iron Inc, March 2009**

There was something wrong.

Besides the fact that she'd randomly started hunting ghosts with two guys from the company, and that _Sam_, the big guy from her department, had insisted this was what they were meant for. She was meant to be with them, with him and Dean, hunting monsters like the funny looking idjits from the Ghostfacers video. But she didn't feel right. Even with meeting the boys, discovering something that felt like it should be, hadn't completely filled the hole that sunk into her very being - the hole she hadn't even realised was there until the weird things had started happening.

Something was missing, and it was killing her.

A flutter of bird wings caught her attention from behind her in the apartment; her apartment, decorated with funny knicknacks and scented candles, her little nerd haven. But was it really hers?

She was fairly certain that her decor had never included the rather attractive looking man in the trench coat that stood square in the middle of her living room.

'Who are you?' She asked curiously.

'I have come to take you home.' He took a step forward and reached out, placing two fingers to the middle of her forehead. Alex reeled back with the force of the memories returned to her, and she gasped, glaring up at Castiel with a fury he'd never seen in a human before.

'What - what the hell Cas?'

The angel looked like he winced and he looked away. 'It was a...test. Devised by Zachariah. He wanted you and your brothers to realise that you are hunters, and that you have a destiny.'

'A test?' She spat, then her panic set in. 'Where's James? Where is he?'

'He is safe. He is with Granpa Bobby.' The term of endearment,complete with James' usual omission of the "d", falling from Castiel's lips made her soften a fraction, but not for long. The steely edge to her voice returned.

'Take me back to him, Cas.'

'As you wish.'

The room blinked out and within a second, she was standing in the front of the Singer Salvage Yard house. Alex didn't even pause; she ran for the door, but Cas appeared in front of her before she could get there. 'Get out of my way, Castiel.' Her eyes bore into him and he felt nervous for a moment, which was a new and odd sensation.

'Before you go in, we need to speak.'

'I don't have time for this.'

'James has been fine with Bobby. The house is warded against both angels and demons. I need to speak to you now; I cannot follow you into the house.'

'Good. Means he can't get _kidnapped_ by one of your psycho siblings again.' She scowled. 'I don't care right now, Cas. I need to see him. I spent the last few days with a gnawing hole inside me, and being away from him...I'm pissed and you do not wanna be on the receiving end right now.'

Castiel's mouth set into a thin line. 'You asked me before, who the angel was who gave you the grace.' She froze and he took a shallow breath. 'The angel who was responsible for James' existence.' He looked her dead in the eyes, those stupid too-blue eyes of his that she absolutely hated. 'I know Dean has not told you, though I am fairly certain that he knows.'

'Knows...who it...' Two and two suddenly made four, and she blinked, her body going rigid. Those stupid too-blue eyes...his willingness to disobey and bring James home...all of his behaviour. 'You.' Cas didn't make a sound as she found the knowledge. 'You're -'

'I was instructed not to tell you.' He sighed. 'But I've wanted...I have _needed _to tell you.'

She stared at him, as if caught in a spell. Her mouth twitched, like she wanted to say something but didn't know how to form the words, and Castiel simply stood there, waiting, unsure what to expect. A thud sounded from inside the house and the spell was broken. Alex fled past him, into the house, towards the excited shouts of "Mommy!"; into the house where he could no longer follow.

Castiel sighed heavily. He didn't know why he'd needed to tell her. He'd thought he might have felt better.

He didn't.

Free will was hard.

* * *

**Sioux Falls, March 2009**

April was approaching fast, and Alex had thrown herself back into training with gusto. James was picking up new skills daily, as well as the ones regular people learnt. Dean had taken a specific interest in the boy's weapons training, although Alex knew he was worried about what the child had overheard when he had been taken by Uriel. James had never said anything, and they had all tried to talk to him, but all he had replied with was the bad man had taken him, and Cas had saved him.

Castiel had been MIA since his confession to Alex. She hadn't decided what to do with the information yet. In essence, he was James' father, but she didn't know what that meant.

Dean hadn't said anything to her, if Cas was right and he knew, but Alex didn't want to broach the subject with him. Bobby had told her about his words on the night he had returned with James, that what he had done was "what any father would do". And maybe it was. She knew he cared about James, but were angels even capable of love on that level? Did he understand truly what it meant?

It was too much for her to handle, so she ignored it.

James didn't seem to have any clue what was going on.

When they got the call for a job a few towns over, Alex offered to join them, taking James along for the ride. It was a simple salt and burn, and she thought it was about time that James _knew_ exactly what they did, if he was destined for the life. Dean had put up a token argument, but then decided that with the three of them, James would be fine.

So when they'd gone into the shop, separately, James excitedly looking for comics, and his uncles doing their faux FBI thing, she was shocked to overhear of the existence of the books. The Supernatural books. The boys had immediately bought every copy in the shop, and the Winchester family returned to the motel. Dean read through the books, a permanent scowl on his face as he recounted their adventures.

James fell asleep as the sun began to set, whilst his mom and uncles were reading through stuff on the internet and the books themselves.

'You know, there's barely any mention of me in these books.' Alex grumbled. 'You two really did just forget about me huh?'

'No, we didn't. It just...' Dean grimaced as he threw down the latest book he'd been leafing through.

'It was painful.' Sam said quietly. 'But you did get a mention. You got your own book here. A single novel detailing your adventures whilst you weren't with us.' Sam squinted at the digital download copy he had of the Alex centric book. 'Whoa...' He blinked at the screen. 'Alex...'

'What?' She asked, worried about what he'd found.

'Did you...' He looked up over the laptop over to her, lowering his voice. 'It was Castiel's grace?'

Alex paled, and looked down at her laptop, not wanting to answer. Dean stood up and walked over to the table, sitting himself down in the chair.

'You knew?' He asked and she nodded.

'Cas told me a few weeks ago. He said...he said...' She sighed. 'He just told me okay. I don't know what it means.' She looked at Dean pointedly. 'You knew. Why didn't you tell me?'_  
_

Dean shrugged. 'I didn't think it was my place. If he'd left it too long, then yeah, I woulda said something. But he's told you, so...'

'So we're all okay with the fact that Castiel knocked our sister up?' Sam stated bluntly, earning twin glares from his siblings. He raised his hands in surrender. 'Okay. Okay. That subject is off the table.'

'What else do we know about these stupid books? How come we haven't heard of them before?' Dean asked, and Sam raised an eyebrow.

'They're pretty obscure. I mean, almost zero circulation. Uh, started in '05. The publisher put out a couple dozen before going bankrupt. And, uh, the last one – "No Rest For The Wicked"-' Sam turned his laptop towards Dean. 'Ends with you going to Hell.'

'This is freaking insane.' He clicked down through the pages Sam had opened. 'Check it out. There's actually fans. There's not many of them, but still. Did you read this?'

Sam nodded, brushing hair from his face. 'Yeah.'

'Although for fans, they sure do complain a lot. Listen to this – Simpatico says "the demon story line is trite, clichéd, and overall craptastic." Yeah, well, screw you, Simpatico. We lived it.' He scoffed, scowling at the screen. Alex chuckled; she was on the same site.

'Yeah. Well, keep on reading. It gets better.' Sam muttered.

'There are "Sam girls" and "Dean girls" and – what's a "slash fan"?'

'As in... Sam-slash-Dean.' Alex clarified. Dean looked blank. 'Together.' She waited for the other shoe to drop.

'Like, together together?' His eyebrows were almost through the roof of the motel.

'Yeah.'

'They do know we're brothers, right?'

'Doesn't seem to matter.' Sam picked up a discarded beer from the table and took a swig. 'It gets worse. Scroll down.'

Dean tapped the laptop mouse a couple of times, and his eyes widened as he found the other categories of "fanfiction". 'Oh, come on. That... That's just sick.' He raised his eyes to Alex. 'And you complained you weren't in it much.' He shut the laptop. 'We got to find this Carver Edlund.'

'Yeah, that might not be so easy.' Sam said, taking his laptop back and opening it.

'Why not?' The eldest Winchester sibling asked.

'No tax records, no known address. Looks like "Carver Edlund" is a pen name.'

'Somebody's gotta know who he is.'

* * *

Alex stayed behind the next day, whilst the boys went to track down the author of the books. She sat with James for a good portion of the morning, watching cartoon and reading comics with him, until he promptly announced he was hungry, and she decided they both needed a decent meal. So she'd made herself mildly presentable for the outside world, and they'd hurried down the street to the diner they'd eaten dinner at the night before. She left a note for her brothers, just so they didn't panic when they returned.

Halfway through the meal, James put down the child-sized burger he'd been munching on and looked up at his mom with those sparkling baby blues. They were so bright...she kicked herself for not figuring it out sooner. He had those damned angel's eyes. The question he asked did not help.

'Mommy, where's Cas been?'

Alex nearly choked on her salad as she raised an eyebrow momentarily. 'Cas...has been busy sweetheart. He's still around; he just had important angel work to do.'

'I thought we were important.' The bottom lip was quivering. Alex hated when he did this. 'He said we was. And I haven't seen him since forever.'

'Oh honey, I'm sure we'll see him soon. He's just...busy.' She finished lamely, looking down at her food. 'I'm sorry, baby, we'll try and call him later, okay?'

Apparently there was no need. As soon as the words had left her mouth, Castiel appeared next to their table, that solemn look on his angular face. James squealed in excitement and jumped up to hug the angel. Much to her surprise, he returned the embrace, then settled the little boy back down in his seat, before sliding in next to him.

'Cas! Where you been? Mommy said you was busy.'

'I have been. I am sorry, James. I did not mean to neglect you.'

'You haven't.' Alex said, before her son could reply. 'I know you've been keeping watch.' She smiled tightly. 'So you're joining us for lunch?' Castiel looked down at James' plate of food.

'I don't eat.'

She felt the need to scowl, but refrained. 'I'll order you a coffee. Just so you don't sit here looking weird.' She raised a hand to a waitress and placed and order. Five minutes later, the three of them sat, Alex picking at her salad, James heartily munching on his burger and Cas staring at his coffee as if it held the answers to the universe. Alex suddenly had the thought that they probably _looked_ like a family, and it made her shudder a little.

Because Cas wasn't really James' father.

Not really.

He just donated...grace.

That just sounded really freaky.

'So where have you been?' She asked, and Cas looked up, bewildered at her question. 'Just wondering.' She shrugged.

'I have been keeping an eye on you and your family, of course. But I have had other matters to attend to.' He sighed softly. 'The angels are...displeased with me.'

Alex shot a cautious glance at James, but he was too engrossed in his food to listen to their conversation. 'Why?'

'Because I disobeyed. Although circumstances with Uriel were in the enemy's favour, they are unhappy with my decisions. My...attachment to your family.'

'So why don't they just station you elsewhere?' She swallowed hard, wondering if he'd pick up on the note of nervousness in her voice at the very idea of another angel replacing Cas. She'd grown attached herself - James certainly had - even though she was still kinda pissed at him. She wouldn't admit it out loud but Cas was...very attachable when he wanted to be.

'There is no other who would protect James as adequately. He is important. And they believe I hold the most vested interest because I am -'

Alex cut him off then. 'I get it.' Her eyes flickered to James, and Castiel frowned, then seemed to realise her urgency to stop him speaking. She hadn't told the boy anything yet.

'So you understand.' He asked slowly. She nodded, and went back to her salad.

'Are you staying a while this time, Cas?' James asked suddenly, shoving the last bite of his burger into his mouth. His table manners were not the best - and they seemed to be worsening the more time he spent with his Uncle Dean. 'Cos I miss you.'

Castiel smiled down at him, and Alex felt her breath hitch in her throat. The angel _never_ smiled and when he did, it was only at James and it was always genuine. She couldn't deny that he cared for her son, and she found herself wondering how much of it was actual duty.

'I can stay for now. I may need to help your uncles with something.' He looked back to Alex and his smile was gone. 'They have found the prophet.'

* * *

They had returned to the motel after their meal, and James had promptly fallen asleep. Alex had turned her hand to research, and Cas sat still by the window, his eyes focused on her. To tell the truth it was a little unsettling. After half an hour of wishing her brothers would return quickly, she finally snapped and slammed the laptop shut. The angel didn't even flinch.

'Would you quit staring?' He immediately averted his eyes, and Alex huffed loudly, getting up and moving over to the small kitchenette. 'It's a bit freaky.'

'I apologise.' He said, turning his eyes to James instead. 'He is...' He seemed to lose the words, and went quiet as Alex looked at him sideways.

'Beautiful right?' She said quietly, and Cas nodded, almost imperceptibly. 'He's the best thing in my world.' The kettle clicked as it boiled, and she scooped up a sugar cube and dropped it into a mug. 'I guess...I have you to thank for that.'

Cas looked up at her curiously, those damn blue eyes almost shredding her. 'How do you mean?'

'Well...he wouldn't be here without you right?' He seemed to contemplate her words for a moment.

'I suppose so.'

Alex finished making her coffee and moved back over to the table. 'I...I kinda wanna know. How you did it? I mean...normally creating a child...'

'Involves intercourse.'

She blushed then, his words making her feel hot. He said it so simply that if it were any other situation, she'd laugh. But he remained serious, his eyes back on her again. 'Yeah. I mean..._that_ obviously never happened...'

'No.' He stated. 'It was not difficult. You are a healthy young female. It was simply a matter of gathering the genetics needed, a manipulation of molecules. I passed some of my grace to you, and you conceived.'

'Well, that takes the romance out of it a bit.' She muttered. 'Usually the touching is the fun part.' She raised the coffee cup to her lips and took a sip.

Castiel raised an eyebrow. 'I did have to touch you.'

She choked, spitting coffee down herself. Picking up a discarded take away napkin, she wiped it down, grumbling, feeling embarrassed. Cas didn't say anything. 'You what?' She asked, needing clarification.

'In order to pass my grace to you, I had to touch you.'

Alex paled. 'Where?'

'On the forehead.' He replied. She sighed a little.

'Oh. Oh, I guess...that's okay.' They fell into silence for a few moments, and Alex once again wondered where her brothers were. It was getting dark and they'd been gone most of the day. 'So...' She stretched her shoulders out a bit. 'You're _technically_ his dad.'

'If it is uncomfortable for you, you do not have to refer to me that way.'

'No...it's not...' She exhaled hard. 'I guess, I got so used to just being single mom...but it's nice. To know exactly where he came from.' She looked over at the bed and her sleeping son. 'And at least it was you and not...you know. Someone like Uriel.'

'Uriel was not stationed with the Winchester family. He would have been unsuitable.'

Alex rolled her eyes. 'No...it doesn't matter.' Her gaze remained fixed on James. 'He doesn't look like you at all. Except for the eyes.'

'The colour of his eyes is because of the grace. He has none of my genetics. He is made purely from you, Sam and Dean.' Castiel looks over to the boy. 'He seems to resemble Sam more than Dean, though.'

She chuckled. 'Yeah, but he's got Dean's attitude.'

'I think he is more like you in his behaviour. You were always a polite and dedicated child.'

'And _that_ isn't creepy at all.' She took another tentative sip of her coffee. 'I can't believe you watched us all those years.'

'I did what was requested of me.'

'How many times did you save us?' She asked, curiously.

Cas thought for a moment. 'I only healed you once, in those woods. I would have completely healed the wound, but Dean interrupted me. I stayed by your side whilst you healed.' He looked at her, and the intensity of his gaze made her tremble. 'I was not with you and your brothers all the time. I had other tasks.'

'Like?'

'Small things. Nothing of importance. But I was there with you when it mattered.' He seemed a little uncomfortable for a moment.

'Like?' Alex asked again, her curiosity prodding her.

He smiled softly. 'When you got lost in the Halloween maze your brothers took you to when you were ten. They were only gone for ten minutes, but the fear coming from you was enough to call me to your side. You were crying, and you dropped your candy apple. I stayed with you then, tried to comfort you whilst not revealing myself. You seemed to cope well until your brothers found you.'

Alex didn't realise she'd stopped breathing until he finished speaking. 'I - I thought -' She stopped, not sure what to say. 'Thanks. I guess.'

'I was also there at your junior prom. When that boy, Simon Wallace, was...inappropriate with you.'

She blushed. 'You were?' She hadn't even told Dean what happened.

Castiel nodded. 'When he was becoming insistent, your panic increased. You were trying to fight him off, but he was a lot bigger than you.'

'He was a dick jock.' She muttered. 'I was so glad when that fire tripped the sprinkler system and that teacher barged in.'

'I was the one who set the fire.' Cas said quietly.

'Were you also the one who cut the brakes on his car and caused him to drive into that tree and ruin his professional football career?' She asked innocently, expecting him to deny it. She knew he couldn't have gone that far to protect her almost sullied honour.

'Yes.' Alex blinked. She hadn't been expecting that. The angel shifted uncomfortably. 'It made me angry. I'd never experienced anger before. And when he tried to hurt you...' He sighed. 'I see now why my superiors believe I became too attached. I was always more worried about you than your brothers, although all three of you are adept at finding trouble wherever you go.'

She smiled. 'Yeah, we've gotten pretty good at that. Comes with the territory.' She caught up with the rest of what he had said. 'You were more attached to me?'

'It makes sense, in some way.' He mused, looking back over to James. 'I felt...more of a bond with you than your brothers. I consider my connection with Dean to be more powerful since I raised him from Hell, and he feels it when I am near.' She frowned; Dean had never mentioned that. 'It is understandable as my grace is imprinted on his soul.'

'That sounds...kinda gay.'

'Dean has only touched my grace.' Alex sniggered, and covered it with another sip of coffee. 'You and James; you have my grace contained inside you. It is understandable I would feel a connection to you.'

She didn't quite know what to say to that. Luckily, the door opened at that moment, and the two Winchester brothers burst into the room.

'Alex?' Dean asked, looking between her and Cas. 'You okay?'

'I'm fine.' She asked, puzzled. 'Why?'

'Nothing. It's nothing.' Sam rushed out, smiling a little falsely. 'We were just...' He held several sheets of paper in his hand.

'You found the prophet?' Cas asked, his eyes also going to the pieces of paper.

'Prophet?' Sam asked, tilting his head.

* * *

Dean had been shooting her funny looks all the way back to Sioux Falls. Sam and James were asleep in the back seat, the youngest Winchester sprawled out over his uncle, as Sam was so tall he needed the majority of the back seat. Dean drove at a steady speed, trying to keep the journey smooth for them. Sammy was wiped out from what had happened with Lilith, and they'd argued about it before leaving. James had gotten upset over the tense atmosphere, coupled with the fact that Castiel had left again and Alex had finally ordered them all into the car.

But her big brother was still shooting her funny looks.

'What?' She finally asked in a hiss.

'Nothing.' Dean made a non committal noise and turned his gaze back to the road.

'Seriously, what?'

He sighed. 'Well, I was just wondering about your whole UST scene with Cas back at the motel.'

She went bright red. 'What the hell are you on about?'

'Chuck gave us a couple of pages. We knew what was coming with Lilith and well...he included your little love scene.'

Alex scowled. 'It was not a love scene.'

'So you didn't "blush and feel suddenly hot" when Cas mentioned intercourse?' There was smirk on Dean's face, and if he hadn't been driving with her son in the car, she'd have punched him in the face.

'Shut up.'

'Oh come on. You have the hots for him.'

'I do not!' She exclaimed loudly, then covered her mouth as she remembered the sleeping Winchesters. 'Anyway, I'm not the one with a "imprint on my soul".' She mocked, and Dean's eyebrows furrowed together, before he smirked again.

'No, his grace is just _inside_ you.'

'Shut up.' Alex repeated, folding her arms. 'You're imagining things.'

'I think it's cute. And nice. At least you know who James' daddy is now.'

'He is _not_ James' daddy.' She sighed. 'He's not around enough. It's not fair on James to tell him anything, or to get his hopes up. I'm lucky, Dean, real lucky that James never asked me why he didn't have a father like the other kids. He was happy with it just being me and him. I - I won't have him hurt.'

Dean looked over at his sister, the smirk dropping as he reached over to take her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. 'He won't, sis. You know we won't let that happen.' He dropped her hand and looked back to the road. 'But...I think he deserves to know. Just like I think Cas should man up and take some responsibility. If he's James' dad...then he should be involved.'

'He's an angel, Dean. What kind of reference does he have on how to be a dad? He wouldn't know how.'

'Maybe. But how are you gonna know if you don't give him a chance?'

'Is this some kind of macho "you knocked up my sister, now take charge" thing?'

'Yeah. Yeah it is.' Dean looked over at her. 'You've been coping alone for so long, Alex. And god knows, James has us and you, and Bobby. But...kid needs a dad.'

'Like we had?' She replied sadly. Her brother's face fell for a moment.

'No.' He said quietly and sternly. 'Not like we had. Better than we had.'

'And you think Castiel can be that?' Alex looked at him, hazel eyes meeting green for a moment.

'I don't know.'

Neither of them noticed the four year old in the back of the car, laying against his Uncle Sam with his eyes open, and his thumb jammed firmly in his mouth as he listened.


	8. Chapter 8

**Indiana, June 6th 2004**

Alex stared at the crib opposite her bed, wondering if the room was real, if any of it was real. Tiny hands and feet waved about in front of the label at the head of the crib, which proudly proclaimed "Baby Boy Winchester" and "6lbs 4oz". The little pink body was swaddled in a blue blanket, and it cooed and gurgled, and Alex felt _something_ stick in her throat. She'd spent nine months wondering how this had happened, and it had, she felt nothing but overwhelming love for the little boy she'd given life to. She no longer cared how, she just cared that it had.

She'd die to protect him.

A shuddering breath escaped her and she reached for her cellphone, scrolling down to find Dean's number. She bypassed her dad's; as much as she longed for his approval, she knew she wouldn't get it. She'd left them and John Winchester did not forgive easily, if at all.

Her finger hovered over the button, uncertain of what to do. Swallowing her fear, she pressed down and the phone dialled out.

/_This is Dean's other, other cell, so you must know what to do._/ It beeped and she paused - then hung up.

A few moments later, she gave into exhaustion and fell asleep.

Castiel revealed himself as Alex's breathing evened out, and he stared down at her as she finally fell asleep. He'd been there throughout, trying to comfort her as she gave birth to her son. He'd watched as the baby boy had taken his first breaths. Alex had an inkling, but no real knowledge of how special her child was.

His chosen vessel had to be returned soon. In the twenty four years he had watched this family, he had only taken a vessel twice before and he did not like using them for long. The first time had been to heal Alex when she was injured - the second to give her part of his grace so she could bring this child into the world.

And he had felt the need to be here when he was born.

He only had a few moments to spare until the nurses did their rounds. In the thin, wiry body of the drunken frat boy with religious troubles (it had not been difficult to procure permission), he approached the crib. Looking down on the boy, he took a breath and reached out. One finger trailed down an impossibly tiny palm, and little fingers curled around it. The baby opened his sleepy eyes and a sparkling blue looked up at him.

The child's remnants of grace resonated with his and he smiled. An unknown feeling swelling inside him as the little boy's grip tightened and then released, his eyes drifting shut again as he went to sleep. Cas imagined being born was quite an ordeal and it was no wonder he was tired.

Alex shifted in her sleep, and the angel looked back at her. Reluctantly, he left the crib and knelt down beside her, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. As his skin made contact with hers, he healed the internal damage caused by giving birth and he smiled.

'You will be an excellent mother, Alex Winchester. You were born for this.'

She sighed, relaxing more into her slumber. He knew it normally took months for the body to recover from delivery but she needed to be able to protect her son. He could not leave her at any risk.

The curtain shielding them from the rest of the ward moved and the nurse looked in.

Mother and son were sleeping peacefully.

Alone.

* * *

**Sioux Falls, April 2009**

James wandered around the junk yard, kicking dirt with his already filthy shoes. Granpa Bobby was fixing up some old cars, and normally he would be excited to look at engine parts; he loved Cars. Uncle Sam loved cars too, and he'd promised him a Scaletrix for his birthday. He smiled. He loved his Uncle Sammy. Even though he was a giant (Uncle Dean said he was part Sask-a-watch, whatever one of those was) he was a lot of fun, and played the best games with him.

Uncle Sammy and Uncle Dean had gone hunting again. He knew they went a lot, because they were heroes and had to save the world. But he also knew that Uncle Sammy was sick, and they had a fight before they left. His mommy had shouted at both of them, and then she'd gone to sit in the kitchen quietly.

Mommy had been quiet a lot lately.

James thought it might be because Castiel was his daddy but Mommy didn't want him to know. He'd heard them in the car, talking about it. He didn't know how to tell her that it was okay, that he kinda knew because when Cas was around, his tummy felt warm and he was happier. Like the feeling you get when you eat a whole bunch of Haribo. Mommy called that a "sugar rush" and Granpa Bobby laughed when he ran around like he was a race car.

He looked over his shoulder as the 'Pala drove up to the house, and he smiled, running forward. Maybe now his uncles were home, they would be in a better mood and everyone could be happy. Maybe Castiel would come home, and Mommy wouldn't be sad if the angel was here.

With an excited yell, he barrelled into Uncle Sammy's legs, shouting their names. Uncle Sammy laughed and scooped him up, throwing him in the air. James loved it when he did that - Uncle Sammy was so tall it was like going on a funfair ride. He giggled as he was draped over a shoulder and fireman carried into the house. Even Uncle Dean smiled as he followed behind.

Everyone was going to be happy again.

James liked it when everyone was happy.

* * *

'How did the hunt go?' Bobby asked as he entered the living room. Dean was sat on the sofa with James, who had put Spongebob on and was curled into his uncle, watching with those big wide blue eyes of his. Dean looked up, and Sam came out from the kitchen.

'Just a couple of ghouls. All done and dusted.' The eldest Winchester said, stifling a yawn.

'Good.' Bobby eyed him closely. 'Why don't you go get some sleep?'

Dean shook his head. 'I'm good. Just gonna sit here with my favourite nephew and watch some cartoons.' He yawned again and then glared when Sam smirked. 'What?'

'Nothing.' The tallest Winchester looked around. 'Where's Alex?'

Bobby shrugged. 'She was in the kitchen. Maybe she went upstairs to read some more of them books of hers.'

Sam frowned. 'I'll go check.' He looked back over to Dean and James, who were both slowly falling asleep on the couch. 'They're good there.' He grinned at Bobby, who rolled his eyes and went back to his work. Sam moved out of the living room and took the stairs two at a time, heading straight for James' room, where Alex had been sleeping. Opening the door revealed the room to be empty, and he frowned, looking around. The rest of the bedroom doors were open, and after checking each one, he found no sign of his sister. The bedroom in the spare guest room she had slept in before she'd moved into James' room had a window, which was wide open. On impulse he leant over and stuck his head out, banging it on the frame in the process.

'Ow.' He cursed softly, and Alex turned, eyeing him with a raised eyebrow from her perch on the flat roof to the rear of Bobby's house.

'You okay there, gigantor?'

Sam smiled tightly, and pulled his large frame through the window. He stepped lightly, knowing Bobby's house was light on the upkeep and he had no desire to crash through the roof.

'It's okay. It's pretty sturdy.' Alex pointed, turning her face away to stare out at the fields beyond the yard.

'You okay?' He asked, settling down into the spot next to her, letting his long legs hang over the side of the roof.

She nodded, handing him a beer from the small stash she had. He looked at her with a little confusion as he took the bottle. She shrugged. 'Bobby was here and I needed to...escape. I knew James was safe with him.' She sighed as she took a swig of the beverage and swallowed it down.

'What's wrong, Alex? You haven't done this whole finding-a-roof-and-drinking since you were a teenager.'

Another shrug of the shoulders. 'I'm worried.'

'About James?'

'About everything. This whole thing with the seals and the pending apocalypse. The fact that my little boy is supposed to be some warrior.' She looked down at the ground. 'Being a Winchester is cursed.'

Sam smiled wryly. 'I guessed as much.'

'How are you doing?' She asked, looking at him sidelong. 'With the demon blood thing.'

'It's easier. Better when I'm here, with you guys.' He admitted. 'Dean thinks the worst as always. But, he's the same. When we're away from you guys, things are worse for both of us.'

'Cas -' The name choked her a little. 'He said we're like two halves of a whole. We're stronger as a unit I guess.'

'Have you seen him?'

'Not since...not since we found those books.'

'Do you think he'll come back?'

She hesitated. 'He will. He'll come back for James if nothing else.' She took another swig of the beer. 'I need to tell him something.'

'Cas?'

'No. James. I need to somehow explain this all to him. I can't lie to him.' Alex's eyes drifted along the horizon. 'How do I tell him that Castiel is his father, Sam?'

'You'd be surprised how well kids adjust.' Sam pointed out. 'Especially James. He's really smart, Alex.'

'Maybe smarter than you.' She ribbed him, and he smiled.

'Maybe.'

'He doesn't deserve this life.' Her words were wistful as she put the empty beer bottle on the side of the roof. 'We didn't deserve this life.'

'But apparently there's no escape.' Sam tilted the bottle back and drained it. 'Shall we go inside? Dean's curled up on the couch with James and I'm fairly certain there's some blackmail photos to be had there.' She smiled, pulling her legs up off the edge of the roof.

'Come on then, little brother.'

'Still taller than you.'

* * *

Dean awoke with a start, looking around the room. James snorted in his sleep and curled further into his uncle, and for a moment, Dean forgot the dream he'd had and smiled, pulling his arm tighter around the boy. On the TV, a random cartoon played out, and his eyes flickered to it for a moment, before he realised how uncomfortable he was cramped on the couch. He slowed moved away from his nephew, gently laying the boy down on the cushions. James mumbled, turned over and buried himself further into the upholstery.

The eldest Winchester stretched and moved away from the living room, heading into the kitchen. As he opened the door, the smell of bacon assaulted his senses and he grinned as he saw his sister frying up dinner.

'Hey, Dean.' Sam said from his seat at the table, books scattered in front of him. 'Good nap?'

He nodded, then remembered what his nap had entailed. 'Yeah, er, I had a visit.'

'A visit?' His younger brother asked, a frown on his face. 'From who?'

'Cas.' Alex stilled from her position at the stove. 'He wanted to meet somewhere. Said he had to talk to me.'

'And he couldn't come here?' Sam asked, as their sister turned, placing the bacon onto the plates with the eggs, beans and toast. She picked up the two plates she'd made, and placed them on the table.

'Eat up.' She ordered, and Dean sat down, tucking in.

'He said it wasn't safe to talk inside my head. And this place is warded, so he can't come in.' He shovelled a mouthful of bacon and egg into his mouth and groaned. 'God, I missed your cooking, Alex.'

She smiled and turned to the sink, starting the water running for the dishes. Dean and Sam both noticed she wasn't eating and shared a look, but knew better than to pull her on it.

'Where did he want us to meet him?' The question came in between mouthfuls.

'Some warehouse upstate. Sounded urgent. We should get going after this.' Dean said, picking up a slice of toast and wiping his plate clean with it. 'You're coming too, Alex.'

'No.' She replied. 'Not leaving James.'

Dean's mouth set into a thin line. 'Look, I know you're worried about all this, but you can't be James' shadow for the rest of his life. We'll be gone a few hours at the most. He'll be asleep, and Bobby is more than capable of taking care of him. We'll just make sure he keeps him in the house, where the wards will keep him safe okay?'

'I don't care.' Her voice was tense as she turned the tap off, keeping her back to them. 'I'm not going.'

'Is this because of the whole Cas being -'

'It's nothing to do with that.' She snapped, turning on her big brother. 'I just don't wanna go.'

'You're going.' He ordered and she scowled at him.

'Who the fuck do you think you are, Dean? Dad? I don't take orders.' She threw the dishcloth down on the side and stomped from the room, and seconds later they heard her footsteps on the stairs.

'I think you pissed her off.' Sam pointed out. Dean looked at him with a firm look on his face.

'Shut up, Sam. She's going, whether she likes it or not.'

* * *

Alex watched James from the doorway, her arms folded over her chest. She sensed Sam coming up behind her - when he wasn't hunting, he had all the grace of a drunk grizzly.

'He'll be okay you know. We'll be back before you know it.'

'I'm not happy about this.' She replied.

'So you told Dean. Repeatedly.' Sam deadpanned. 'Look, if you two wanna fight it out, carry on. But Cas' message seemed pretty important, so we need to get a move on. Dean's already in the car.'

Alex took one last look at the boy sleeping in the bed, and turned around and followed her brother out of the house. Bobby stood on the porch, and he hugged her as she passed. 'He'll be fine, Alex. I'll call in the morning if you're not back, okay?' She nodded, her eyes still full of concern, but she hugged him back, and moved down the steps towards the car, where Dean waited, his arm hanging out of the window as he tapped along to AC/DC. She didn't speak to him as she slid in the back seat of the Impala, sitting behind her big brother, her eyes staring daggers into the back of his head.

Dean smiled sarcastically in the mirror at her.

Three hours later, they pulled up to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere.

'You're sure this is the place?' Alex asked, climbing out of the car and looking up at the derelict building.

'This is the place.' Dean said, looking at the address he'd written down. He moved to the trunk of the Impala and pulled out the flashlights. 'Let's go.'

The three Winchesters moved into the building slowly, finding the inside worse than the outside. Bits and pieces of the warehouse had collapsed.

'Well, what did he say, Dean? What was so important?' Sam asked, shining the flashlight around. Dean didn't look at him.

'If I knew, would I be here?'

They ascended a ratty old staircase, coming into the upstairs part of the warehouse. The state of the room downstairs was nothing compared to the mess upstairs. Dean looked around, concern on his face.

'What the hell?'

'It looks like a bomb went off.' Alex muttered, looking through some twisted wreckage.

'There was a fight here.' Dean stated, and Sam looked at him.

'Between who?'

The eldest brother flashed the light up onto the wall, where a symbol was painted in blood. 'Check it out. Look familiar?'

'Yeah, it does.' Sam said, looking to Alex, who shrugged. She didn't recognise it at all.

'Anna used something like that to wish the angels back to the cornfield.' Dean explained.

'So, what? Cas was fighting angels?' She questioned, earning a full shouldered shrug from her brother.

'I don't know.' He admitted, turning. His eyes caught something in the rubble and his eyebrows raised as he rushed forward. He leant down, grabbing a handful of trenchcoat and pulling a very dishevelled looking Castiel from the debris. 'Sam! Alex!' He called, crouching down to the angel's level. 'Cas? Cas. Hey, Cas?' Castiel looked up with a dazed expression, his eyes clouded over.

'What's...what's...what's going on?'

Dean gripped his shoulder. 'Just take it easy. Take it easy.'

'Oh no.' Cas groaned and Alex frowned at him. He sounded off. Sam must have sensed it too.

'Cas, you okay?'

"Cas" rubbed his head. 'Ugh. Castiel. I'm not Castiel.' Sam looked to his sister. 'It's me.'

'Who's me?' Alex asked, feeling drained all of a sudden.

'Jimmy. My name's Jimmy.' His voice was lighter. Castiel seemed to growl everything in that deep voice of his, but Jimmy sounded higher pitched and nowhere near as gravelly.

Dean glanced to his siblings, then back to Jimmy. 'Where the hell is Castiel?' Jimmy looked back at him, and Alex noticed his eyes weren't such a piercing blue anymore.

'He's gone.'

* * *

Alex sat cross legged on the motel bed, watching her brothers interrogate Jimmy. She hadn't said a word since they'd left the warehouse, her brain too much of a jumble to think coherently. Aside from the fact that Castiel was gone. And this was who his vessel was. Because Castiel didn't actually have a face - he'd borrowed this one. For nearly a year, he'd been wearing someone else's meat suit.

How could she have forgotten that?

Was Cas gonna come back? _How_ could he come back? What happened to him in the first place?

When Jimmy was finished shovelling food into his mouth - and she couldn't blame him, she guessed she'd be hungry after a year of not eating - he started talking about his family, his _real_ family. Another reminder that Castiel wasn't really a person.

She got up and left without a word, heading outside and leaving the three men to it. Once she was out of the room, she breathed deep and looked around.

When Alex got stressed, she climbed. It had been that way since she was a little kid. She crossed the parking lot and headed for the utility building on the edge of the motel property. Scaling the drainpipe was easy, and although she preferred to be higher, this would do in a pinch. She sat on the asphalt roof and looked up, staring at the stars. Her thoughts drifted to James and she smiled a little. She pulled off her jacket and bunched it up, placing it on the roof and laying back.

She didn't know how long she laid there, but neither of her brothers came looking for her, although they stepped outside to argue about Jimmy going home. She ignored them; she wanted to ignore Jimmy altogether. She wouldn't sleep, but being outside, away from everything, gave her a small modicum of peace. She just wished she was back home with James, where she _knew_ he was safe because his whole family was there to protect him. She had no doubt Bobby would keep him clear from harm, but a mother always worried.

When it got to 3am, and the door to the motel clicked open, it was like a gunshot in the quiet lot. She sat up in the almost darkness, frowning as she saw Sam slip from the front of the motel and out of sight. Moments later, Jimmy slipped out and headed in the opposite direction. Alex quietly slipped down from the roof, and crept across the lot, not even thinking about going after Jimmy. As she skidded round the corner to the vending machines, she saw Sam, with his back her, his hand up to his face.

'Sam?'

He turned abruptly, looking as guilty as a kid with his hand in the cookie jar. A spot of blood was on the corner of his mouth, and a flask in his other hand.

'Alex.' His voice was shaky, and she glared.

'What are you doing?' She questioned, a hint of fury to her tone. 'Is that...no, Sam...what are you doing?!'

He wiped his hand across his mouth, and went to stomp past her. 'It's nothing to worry about.' She grabbed his arm as he stomped past.

'Somehow I don't believe you. I thought you'd kicked this?'

Sam floundered. 'I did, I mean, I have. I just...' He sighed, running a hand down his face. 'I needed it.'

Alex raised an eyebrow and dropped her hand from his arm. 'Sam...look, whilst you've been sneaking out to jack up,' he made a face at that expression. 'Jimmy Novak just shagged ass outta here. So we better go wake big brother and follow him.' She sighed. 'I'm not getting home any time today.'

'Are you gonna...' Sam swallowed hard and his big sister fixed him with a stern look.

'I won't tell him. But you better. Or he'll find out the ugly way. And trust me, Sammy, I will hold you down whilst he punches.'

* * *

The atmosphere inside the Impala was icy, and Alex was getting a bit fed up with it. Sam hadn't said anything to Dean, and she knew he'd put it off for as long as possible. They'd started driving to Illinois as fast as the car would go, and every mile further they got from James, Alex panicked more. She'd called Bobby before they'd left, and he was in the middle of giving James breakfast. The boy had insisted on speaking to her, and she'd listened to him excitedly describe the day they had planned.

Damn Castiel to hell for making her have to leave him again. And damn her brothers for forcing the issue.

'Hey, guys.'

Anna's appearance next to her in the back seat made her jump sideways and smack her head on the window. The redheaded angel smiled at her, and Dean swerved a little in surprise.

'Aah! Jeez.'

'Smooth.' Anna commented dryly.

'You ever try calling ahead?' The eldest Winchester scolded.

'I like the element of surprise.' Anna winked at Alex, who looked generally bewildered. She was assuming that this was the other angel, Anna, from the accurate description Sam had given her.

'Well, you look terrific.'

'Um, yeah, not the most appropriate time, Dean. You let Jimmy get away?'

Dean motioned at Sam. 'Talk to ginormo here.'

The angel eyed the tallest Winchester curiously. 'Sam. You seem different.' Sam looked over towards the backseat, his eyes meeting Alex's for a panicked second.

'Me? I don't know. Heh. A haircut?' He shrugged.

'That's not what I'm talking about.' She looked at him for a long moment, then her eyes fluttered to Alex again. 'It's nice to finally meet you, Alex. James is adorable by the way.' Alex glared, wondering if it was a veiled threat, but Anna seemed to ignored it and turned her attention back to Dean. 'So, what'd Jimmy tell you? He remember anything?'

'Why? What's going on?' Alex asked before her brother could.

'It's Cas. He got sent back home. Well, more like dragged back.' Anna's eyes landed on her again, and Alex somehow felt like she was in on a big secret.

'To heaven? That's not a good thing?' Dean asked, looking in the rearview mirror at them.

'No. That's a very bad thing. Painfully, awfully bad. He must have seriously pissed someone off.' Her eyes were still on Alex and she began to squirm a little. What could Cas have done to piss heaven off?

'Cas said he had something to tell me. Something important.' Dean commented, his gaze back on the road.

'What?'

'I don't know.'

'Does Jimmy know?'

'I don't think so.'

Anna scoffed a little. 'You don't think so? Whatever it is, it's huge. You gotta find out for sure.'

'That's why we're going after Jimmy.' Sam pointed out.

The angel in the backseat sighed as she leant backwards. 'That's why you shouldn't have let him go in the first place. He's probably dead already.'

Alex tried to ignore the icy fist that grabbed her insides at that.

* * *

They stopped for gas shortly after, and Anna disappeared. Alex was glad to see the angel gone - mainly because the looks she was giving her were creepy - and the tension in the car had become worse whilst she was there. Dean had gotten out of the car in a hurry and headed into the Gas'N'Sip without looking back, and Sam had started to fill up the car. Alex ran to the ladies room for a few moments, then returned to the car.

Dean hadn't come back, and Sam was on the phone.

'Where the hell are you, Ruby? This isn't funny anymore. I'm all out. Stop -' The tiny hand that yanked the phone from his ear made him turn. Alex was stood before him, scowling for all she was worth.

'You're a dick, Sam.'

'What?'

'Ringing Ruby? Bringing _that_ back into our lives. I thought you were done.' She folded her arms, his cellphone still in her hands. 'I don't care if she's your friend or girlfriend or whatever. But I don't want _demons _anywhere near my son. You put him at risk and you are gone, you hear me?'

Sam swallowed hard. 'I got it.'

'You tell Dean. When this is done, you tell him the truth, got it?' Her brother nodded and she pulled the pump nozzle from the Impala, scowl still firmly in place as she put it back in its holster. 'Get in the car.' She ordered, and for once, Sam obeyed. He might have been stupid, but the tone his sister was using implied that he didn't want to be _that_ stupid.

When Dean returned, he didn't said anything, he just started the car and began to drive.

He didn't even comment that Alex was sat in the front instead of the back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Illinois, April 2009**

Since rescuing Jimmy from the demons and leaving his family behind, Alex had done nothing but feel like shit. She had insisted on sitting in the front seat of the Impala as a semi-permanent solution to that fact that being near Jimmy made her feel exceptionally uncomfortable. The man slumped in the back seat, his head pressed against the window.

She couldn't even look at him.

Dean and Sam were arguing again. She sighed and ignored them as she kept her gaze on the road. The night stretched before them, and she wished she was back at Bobby's for the millionth time. She knew they had a job to do but she didn't find her heart in it.

Especially now it was uncertain that Castiel would ever come back, and they were down an angel for protection.

Sam's phone rang suddenly, interrupting the heated words between her brothers, and the youngest Winchester sibling answered it, frowning. When he passed the phone to Cas- no, Jimmy, Alex finally turned and looked at the vessel. His wife was on the phone, and by the look on his face, it wasn't good news.

Dean floored the Impala and swerved around to go back in the direction they came. It didn't take long to pull up to the destination that Jimmy had been given by his wife - or rather, the demon possessing her. He was panicking now, worried about his family.

As her brother parked the car and all four of them climbed out, he started issuing orders, in true Dean fashion. He was way more like their dad than he liked to admit at times.

'Alright, they're expecting you to come alone. That's exactly what you're gonna do.'

'We'll work our way through the catwalks. We'll be right behind you.' Sam followed up.

'All you gotta do is stay calm and stall. Let us do our job.'

Jimmy scowled, but it was clear he was terrified. 'You want me to stay calm? This is my family we're talking about.'

'Listen to me, this will work. You understand? Nobody's gonna get hurt.' Dean's voice was firm as he faced Jimmy.

'Yeah, whatever. Give me a minute, okay?' He turned and walked away, as Dean's shoulders dropped and he turned to his siblings.

'There's no way they're expecting him to come alone, Dean. You know this is probably a trap.' Alex pointed out, and Sam nodded in agreement.

'Yeah, I know. That's why I have a plan.' He moved to the rear of the Impala and opened the trunk. 'We'll sneak in through the side. He's gonna go in through the front. Alex, you scale the side. You're the better climber.'

'Okay.' She nodded.

'Go now. Be quiet.' He tossed her a handgun and she caught it deftly, tucking it into the waistband of her pants. Then she took off, moving silently across the ground and disappearing into the darkness. Dean looked over to Sam as he passed him a sawed off. 'You think she's okay?'

'No. But what can we do about it?'

'Get her home to James as soon as possible. She's not happy being away from him.' Dean sighed as he shut the trunk. 'Truth is...neither am I.'

He turned and walked off, and Sam followed after a second.

It didn't take long for the demons to find them.

* * *

She could hear the demon talking in Amelia's voice, taunting Dean from the catwalk above the room. She hadn't encountered any demons on the way in, and she was waiting for the moment to jump down. Her eyes flickered to Claire, who was tied to a chair, her hair hanging down over her face. Silently, Alex slipped through the darkness and down the fire escape to the ground floor, staying in the shadows. She crept towards Claire, intent on releasing the child. As she grew closer, she felt an odd feeling and paused, looking around.

_Castiel._

How the hell did she know he was here? Somewhere, he was here.

A gun shot made her jump, and she looked up in horror as Jimmy Novak slumped to the ground, blood pumping from the wound in his gut. Amelia instructed the other demons to kill the girl, and then left the room. Alex looked on in horror as Jimmy bled out on the floor, and her brothers struggled. The tallest of the three demons stepped forward, ready to swing a pipe at the girl and kill her.

Then Claire reached out and grabbed the weapon, then placed her hand on his forehead and burnt him out. Alex's eyes widened.

'Cas.' She whispered, and Claire glanced back at her briefly, her eyes almost sparkling with the angel's grace inside her. She smiled a little, then moved forward towards where Dean and Sam were fighting demons. Sam wrestled a demon to the floor, away from his brother who was being punched in the face by stunt demon number two. Castiel in Claire's form walked over and held a hand to the demon's head, burning him out. Alex rushed to Jimmy's side and knelt down to him.

'You're gonna be fine, Jimmy.'

He chuckled dryly. 'I don't...think so.' He gasped, his hand over the stomach wound. 'Should've seen this coming really.' He looked up at her. 'I am sorry, Alex. About your son.'

'What?' The room fell quiet, and Alex felt someone coming up behind her. She turned, and came face to face with Castiel, who looked down at her. Alex moved backwards, away from the bleeding human and his angel infused daughter. She scrambled to her feet and looked over at Sam and Dean; Sam's face was smeared with blood and her heart fell as her eyes connected with Dean's.

Looked like she didn't have to tell her big brother the truth after all.

Claire's voice came through to her and she turned as Jimmy begged for the angel to take him instead of his daughter.

'I wanna make sure you understand. You won't die or age. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred, a thousand more like it.'

'It doesn't matter.' Jimmy said as blood dribbled down his chin. 'You take me. Just take me.'

'As you wish.' Claire reached out a hand and placed it on Jimmy's face. A bright light emanated from Jimmy's eyes and mouth as the angel retook his vessel, and Claire collapsed to her hands and knees. Castiel, returned to his vessel, stood and looked down at the girl, before moving past her and past Amelia and Alex, coming to stand between the two brothers. Amelia and Cas looked at each other for moment, and then he turned to leave.

'Cas, hold up. What were you gonna tell me?' Dean asked, reaching out to his friend. The angel looked back at him, his face colder than Alex had ever seen it.

'I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean. I serve heaven, I don't serve man, and I certainly don't serve you.' His eyes flickered to Alex, and for a moment she thought she saw something there, but then he turned and walked away.

Alex felt something twist in her gut.

He was gone.

* * *

Things had gone from bad to worse when they'd gotten back from losing Castiel. Dean and Bobby had spoken at some point and decided to try and detox the youngest Winchester brother. Alex had gotten back to the house and gone straight up to James' room, not caring what her brothers were doing. All she cared about was laying eyes on her little boy, even if she now had to figure out how to tell him that Castiel would be unlikely to return to them again.

It was going to hurt him bad.

Exactly what Alex had never wanted. When you lived this life, you lost people. She had never wanted that for him.

She could run. She could pack a bag and leave now, disappear off the radar. She'd learnt enough about angel wardings and demon wardings to keep them safe. They could try and live that normal life again.

Except Sam and Dean wouldn't let her disappear again.

James shifted and rolled over in his sleep, and Alex frowned as she heard shouting from downstairs. She got up and moved from the room, shutting the door behind her. She went down into the living room, finding Dean and Bobby sat at his desk, a fifth of whiskey each.

'What's going on?' She asked.

'Sam is drying out.'

'Oh.' Her response was quiet.

'You knew, didn't you?' Dean asked suddenly. 'You knew what he was doing.'

Alex threw herself onto the couch. The last few days were catching up to her and she was exhausted. 'I did. I told him to tell you.'

'Well, he didn't.' Dean said, a hint of anger in his voice. 'You should have.'

She rolled her eyes. 'I don't care right now, Dean.'

'Well, I do!'

Sam yelled again from the panic room and Alex looked in that direction, along with Bobby and Dean. The elder hunter sighed and down his whiskey. 'Listen, can we put all this family hoo haa to one side for a moment? I had some news today.'

'News?' Dean asked, tossing back his whiskey.

'Rufus called. The news ain't good.' He picked up a sheet of paper with a report on it over to the younger man and Dean looked at it with a frown on his face.

'This is what Rufus called about? 'Key West sees ten species go extinct'.' He read from the paper, and then passed it to Alex, who looked at it with little interest.

'Yep. Plus Alaska. Fifteen-man fishing crew all stricken blind, cause unknown. New York, teacher goes postal, locks the door, kills exactly sixty-six kids. All this in a single day. I looked them up. There's no doubt about it. They're all seals. Breaking. Fast.' Bobby's face was set in a serious expression, and the two Winchesters looked over to him.

'How many are left?'

'Who knows? Can't be many. Where the hell are your angel pals?' Bobby asked.

'You tell me.' Dean muttered as Alex looked away.

'I'm just wondering.' Bobby trailed off, as if he was nervous to say what he was thinking.

'What?

'The apocalypse being nigh and all...is now really the right time to be having this little domestic drama of ours?' He nodded his head in the direction of the panic room.

'What do you mean?' Dean asked, a dangerous edge to his words.

'Well, I don't like this any more than you do, but Sam can kill demons. He's got a shot at stopping Armageddon.'

'So what? Sacrifice Sam's life, his soul, for the greater good? Is that what you're saying? Times are bad, so let's use Sam as a nuclear warhead?' Alex stood, dropping the news report to the sofa. She stood at the doorway, listening to Sam shouting to be let out. Bobby sighed heavily.

'Look, I know you hate me for suggesting it. I hate me for suggesting it. I love that boy like a son. All I'm saying is maybe he's here right now instead of on the battlefield because we love him too much.'

* * *

Alex found herself on the roof outside James' bedroom, her hunting knife in her hand. Bobby had given her the knife for her thirteenth birthday, and she'd kept it all these years, her weapon of choice. Guns were handy, but she preferred a quiet kill. She preferred the quiet overall.

Her thoughts of running still lingered in her mind, and she shut her eyes briefly, trying to remember when she last slept.

'You are not well.' Castiel's voice made her jump a little.

'I'm fine. Just tired.'

'You have not slept in three days.'

She opened her eyes and scowled at him. 'Get lost, Castiel.'

'I cannot get lost. I have a very good knowledge of where I am at all times.'

Alex rolled her eyes. 'Just go away.'

'I am still performing my duty, Alex Winchester. James is under my protection.' He was back to including her last name. _Oh joy._

'Thought you didn't serve us.' She didn't even want to look at him. She was pissed at him; more than pissed. And she wanted him to stay away from James.

'I don't. I serve Heaven. I always have.'

'Wow, they reconditioned you well, didn't they?'

He tilted his head to the side, his blue eyes peering at her curiously. 'How is James?'

'You can stay the hell away from him.' She felt the anger now, pushing at her. 'And I mean it. You don't show yourself, you don't talk to him. I don't care what you think you are to him; you stay the hell away from _my_ son.' She stood up, brandishing the hunting knife like she had done when they first met. He eyed the weapon with a distinct lack of concern. 'Go away, Castiel.'

She took the roof in two strides and jumped down to the ground, landing gracefully into a barrel roll on the dirt floor. She felt her shoulder jar a little, but didn't care as she stormed away.

Dean was coming out of the house as she entered and she stomped past him, ignoring his asking what was wrong. He watched her go inside the house, then shrugged his shoulders and went out into the yard, far enough away from the house that no one would hear. Once he was certain it was clear, he shouted for Castiel, almost jumping out of his skin when the angel appeared from nowhere.

'Huh. Thought I was gonna have to scream myself hoarse to get you down here.'

'I was already here. What do you want?' The disdain in the angel's voice was clear, and Dean suddenly knew what had Alex all in a twist.

'You can start with what the hell happened in Illinois.'

'What do you mean?' Castiel tried to sound innocent and failed.

'Cut the crap. You were gonna tell me something.'

The angel shrugged. 'Well, nothing of import.'

'You got ass-reamed in heaven but it was not of import?'

'Dean, I can't. I'm sorry. Get to the reason you really called me. It's about Sam, right?'

Dean blinked. 'Can he do it? Kill Lilith, stop the apocalypse?'

'Possibly, yes. But as you know, he'd have to take certain steps.'

'Crank up the hell-blood regimen.' Dean felt his heart sink a little. He didn't want his baby brother to go through this.

'Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever. Most likely, he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill. There's no reason this would have to come to pass, Dean. We believe it's you, Dean, not your brother. The only question for us is whether you're willing to accept it. Stand up and accept your role. You are the one who will stop it.'

'If I do this, Sammy doesn't have to?'

'If it gives you comfort to see it that way.'

'God, you're a dick these days.' Dean muttered. 'What about James?'

'James' role is already destined. He will become a hunter. He will be a warrior. What kind he is, will be determined by the paths you show him.'

Dean turned, walking a few steps before he stopped and turned back. 'Fine. I'm in.'

'You give yourself over wholly to the service of God and his angels?' Castiel asked, and it sounded way more ominous than it should have done.

'Yeah, exactly.'

'Say it.' The angel's voice was forceful now and Dean blinked in surprise, then acquiesced.

'I give myself over wholly to serve God and you guys.'

'You swear to follow his will and his word as swiftly and obediently as you did your own father's?'

'Yes, I swear. Now what?'

'Now you wait, and we call on you when it's time.' And with that, Castiel disappeared.

* * *

Alex sat at the top of the stairs, listening to Sam scream in the panic room, and Bobby arguing with Dean. Her heart felt like a frozen block of ice as she listened to her brother explaining that he'd handed himself over as a servant of heaven. She didn't know what it meant exactly, but a terror gripped her like nothing she'd felt before, aside from where it came to James. She'd not had her family back for long - and now she was starting to think it would have been better if they had never reunited.

Thoughts of running plagued her more than ever, and she squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she was still at their house in Indiana, ignoring the demons, ignoring everything bad in the world. She'd been happy, more or less, and James had been safe. How was it fair that her little boy would never get the normal life she'd wanted for him? Why did destiny have to be such a raging bitch?

Sam started making strange noises, and Dean and Bobby pounded through the house to the panic room. Alex opened her eyes as they ran past the stairs, and she quickly followed, wondering what was going on. She paused as she saw the two older men by the door of the panic room, looking in. Bobby muttered something about faking, then both of them stilled. A choked sound came from within, and Dean fumbled with the door. The pair of them rushed inside, and Alex moved closer to the door, seeing Sam pinned against the wall by an invisible force. She cringed at the state of her little brother.

He was pale, sweat making his hair stringy and stuck to his forehead. His eyes were bloodshot, and he was covered in bruises. She watched as Dean and Bobby pulled him from the wall and over to the bed.

'We're gonna have to tie him down for his own safety. Dean?' The eldest Winchester was staring at his brother in shock, not moving. 'You with me? Dean? Before he has another fit!'

'Yeah.' Dean gasped. 'Yeah. Let's get it over with.'

He pushed Sam back onto the cot, looping the restraints around his wrists. Bobby went for his feet and Alex watched as they secured Sam down. She felt sick watching, and turned away, unable to accept this. She should have stopped him doing this ages ago, then they wouldn't be in this position.

If they'd never found her, maybe none of them would be in this position.

She fled, leaving her brothers and uncle to it.

* * *

Sam blinked. He was alone in the panic room. Dean and Bobby had been here...but now they were gone. They'd had to tie him down, for his own protection. He remembered things but wasn't sure what was real and what was his demon blood induced hallucinations.

The door to the panic room opened and Alex stepped in quietly, a bowl of water and a towel in her hands. She shut the door behind her and moved over to the bed.

'Hey, little brother.'

Sam sighed in relief. 'I'm taller than you.' He quipped in the same way he always did. Alex smiled and sat down beside him, placed the bowl the other side of him. She dipped the towel in the bowl and soaked it, squeezing the excess water as she brought it up to Sam's forehead. He relaxed a little under the cool temperature, smiling gratefully. 'Thanks.'

'You're looking like you're in pretty rough shape, Sammy.' She said quietly, her hand gripping his shoulder. 'Really wish you'd listened to me.'

'I know. I screwed up. I'm sorry.'

'It's okay. You can't help it.' Her words made him frown, and he focused on her. She looked down at him with sympathy, and something flashed in her eyes. 'Don't worry. Dean hates me too. I mean, his freak sister with an angel's grace inside her, and his freak demon brother. We're both monsters.' She sighed, pulling the towel away from his forehead. 'Maybe we should just leave together.'

'Alex, what are you -' He was cut off as she laid her head on his chest.

'You can be the big brother for a change. It'll just be me, you and James. We'll go hide and let Dean carrying on fighting demons.' She smiled up at him. 'He's only gonna hunt us in the end anyway.'

'I don't - what are you saying?'

'We'll be family.' She sounded excited by the idea. 'Just us monsters, right?'

It wasn't Alex. Oh, it looked like Alex, from the battered old boots and torn up jeans, to the humorous t-shirts she favoured and the brunette hair scraped into a ponytail. His hallucination looked exactly like his big sister. But it wasn't her.

'No one even has to know we're related. You could be James' dad. We'll be a normal family of monsters. Away from all this.' She stroked his chest. 'And if you still wanna do the demon blood thing, that's cool. I don't mind.'

Sam shut his eyes. 'Go away.'

Alex pouted at him, but he didn't open his eyes and she sat up. 'What's the matter, Sammy? I thought you _liked_ running away?'

'No. Leave me alone.'

'Dean doesn't want you here. He doesn't want me here either.'

'He's our brother. He loves us.'

'No he doesn't. He doesn't love us. He's just like Dad.'

She carried on talking, and Sam desperately tried to ignore her.

* * *

Alex stared at the suitcase on her bed, with her clothes inside it. It was gone 2am, and she'd packed and unpacked half a dozen times. She was torn; she could run, and pretend this hadn't happened - she had enough time to outrun Dean, but she was reluctant to wake James and make him leave in the middle of the night. She'd done this before, when it had been just her. She'd walked out on Dean and Dad, and they hadn't found her then.

Dean would look harder this time, but she was good at not being found. He'd be too busy with everything else.

Avoiding Castiel would be harder. She knew how to ward against the angels but one step outside and he'd find them. But maybe she'd threatened him enough to leave them alone. He wouldn't tell Dean where they were, seeing as they were barely friends.

She pulled a shirt from the suitcase, refolded it and put it back in. She stood back and stared again.

'You planning on runnin'?'

Bobby's voice made her jump, and she spun like she'd been caught doing something wrong by a parent. She looked between him and the suitcase, and then looked at the floor. 'Was thinking about it.'

'You gonna wake that little boy up in the middle of the night and run?' She couldn't look at him. 'I mean, Dean's asleep, and Sam is hallucinating his ass off, but you could probably sneak out. I'm not gonna stop you if that's what you really want, Alex.'

'Bobby, I -'

'But you're gonna be hard pressed to explain to that kid why he can't see his uncles again.' He sighed, moving forward to place a hand on her shoulder. 'Just keep in touch yeah? Let me know you're okay from time to time.'

Alex dissolved into tears, and flung herself at her uncle. 'Oh, god, Bobby, I can't run. I can't. I just - I don't know what to do. Sam is sick, and Dean is...he's just so...' She sobbed loudly into his shirt, and Bobby brought his arms up to hold her. 'I'm sorry.'

'You ain't got nothin' to be sorry for, kiddo. This shit is hard, real hard. Add James into it and it's a scary mess. You're good to fall apart once in a while.' He shushed her, letting her cry on his shoulder. 'Just warn me first, okay?'

'I'm not gonna leave.' She whispered. 'But staying is...hard.'

'Always is, kiddo. Always is.'

A sound from the yard filtered in through the open window, and both of the hunters looked up. Bobby turned and bolted from the room, and Alex went in the opposite direction, throwing herself through the window and down the drainpipe at the side of the house. She was ahead of Bobby as they ran towards the source of the noise and found Sam trying to hotwire a car.

'Uh-uh, Sam. The only place you're going is back inside with us.' Bobby said, aiming a shotgun at the youngest Winchester sibling.

'No.' He defiantly replied.

'Damn it, boy.'

'You won't shoot me, Bobby.' Sam's voice was shakey.

'Don't test me.'

Sam wobbled on his feet. 'You won't do it. You can't do it.' He looked to Alex. 'You won't hurt me.'

'We're trying to help you, Sam.' She said quietly, her hunting knife in her hand. She was prepared to use the hilt to knock him out. Sam lunged forward and held the shotgun so Bobby could only shoot point blank at him.

'Then shoot.'

Bobby hesitated, and Sam yanked the gun from his grip and landed a solid punch on the older man's temple that knocked him clean out. Alex rushed her brother, and he turned, grabbing her by the throat. 'You were right.' He said. 'We should have run.' He knocked the knife from her hand. 'I'm sorry, Alex, but I have to do this alone.'

'Sammy.' Alex choked out, struggling for breath where his big hand was crushing her windpipe. 'Sammy, please.'

He brought his fist up and knocked her out, leaving her in the dirt next to Bobby.

And then he was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Sioux Falls, April 2009**

Alex sat at Bobby's desk, an ice pack held to her forehead and her eyes shut against the migraine that was pounding through her skull. The Tylenol that she'd taken wasn't doing anything against what she was sure was a concussion. Dean and Bobby were trying to figure out how Sam had gotten out of the panic room, and it was more of an argument than a discussion. She was pissed at both her brothers, and was wishing she could just pass out from the pain of having her head knocked about by her little brother.

She was going to kick the shit out of Sam when she saw him again.

Dean started calling up other hunters, ones they could trust, to find out if anyone had seen Sam. Bobby was checking police scanners and reporting his car stolen.

Alex got up and left, taking the ice pack with her. She went into the kitchen, ignoring the men in the house. She fixed herself a glass of water, trying not to sway on her feet as her head swam. When Dean came up behind her, she jumped a little and almost fell.

'Hey, whoa.' He steadied her with his hands on her arms, bending his head to look her in the eye. 'You okay there?'

'He clocked me good.' She slurred.

'Yeah, I'm gonna kick his ass for that one.' Dean muttered. 'Look, we've got a lead on where Sam's at. You stay here with Bobby and James. I'm going after him.'

'Bring him home so I can kick his ass too.' Alex replied, blinking against the continuing pain in her head.

'Can I suggest you go lay down? You got a couple hours before James wakes up. Get some rest.' He frowned. 'You might have a concussion.' He turned his head. 'Bobby, can you keep an eye on her?'

'Always do, don't I?' Came the call from the other room. Dean grimaced, and tugged lightly on her arm, pulling her forward towards the living room.

'I want you to lay down and rest. I'll be back soon with our little brother.' He led her over to the sofa and sat her down, bending to press a kiss to her forehead. 'Promise.' Alex nodded tiredly and fell back into the cushions.

Hours passed like a blur and before she knew it, sunshine was filtering in through the curtains in the room. Bobby was nowhere to be seen, and Alex bolted upright, looking around in a panic. She stood, thanking whatever power was listening that her headache was gone, although she could feel a sizeable bruise on her temple. Moving to the kitchen, she opened the door, and found James sat at the kitchen table, tucking into a bowl of Cheerios. Bobby leant against the counter, the phone in his hand.

'I know you're mad, Dean. I understand. You got a right to be, but I'm just saying. Be good to him anyway. You gotta get through to him.'

He hung up, and looked over to Alex. 'Morning.' She greeted gruffly. 'No luck?'

'Granpa said Sammy ran away.' James said, through a mouthful of cereal. 'And Uncle Dean went to go kick his ass.'

'James!' Alex scolded, with a small smile on her face. She glared at Bobby, who shrugged. 'Uncle Sam just threw a tantrum is all. He'll be home soon.'

'Can I kick his ass? We was supposed to watch cartoons today.'

Alex chuckled dryly. 'Sure you can, kiddo. We'll get you a stool.'

When Dean came home a few hours before dark, his face bloody and bruised, Alex knew he had found Sam. And he'd failed to bring him home. She shooed James off to his room to play, and went for the first aid kit. Dean sank into a chair in the kitchen, his entire body tense, and he didn't react as Alex began to clean his face up. Bobby watched the brooding Winchester and sighed heavily.

'I take it things didn't go well?' He got no response. 'Well, we'll saddle up. Go take care of it.' Dean continued to ignore him, and Alex glanced back over her shoulder, concern on her face. 'Dean? Dean! You listen to a word I said?'

Dean scowled at him, pushing Alex's hand away from his face. 'Yeah, I heard you. I'm not calling him.'

'Don't make me get my gun, boy.'

Dean stood, rage painted across his face. 'We are damn near kickoff for Armageddon, don't you think we got bigger fish at the moment?'

'I know you're pissed. And I'm not making apologies for what he's done, but he's your-'

'Blood? He's my blood, is that what you were gonna say?' Alex flinched at the venom in her brother's tone and took a step back.

'He's your brother. And he's drowning.' Bobby tried to reason. Dean relaxed a little, sadness overwhelming his rage.

'Bobby, I tried to help him, I did. Look what happened.'

'So try again.' The elder hunter prompted.

'It's too late.' The eldest Winchester replied, turning his head away.

'There's no such thing.'

'No, damnit!' Dean slammed his fist on the table and Alex jumped. 'No. I gotta face the facts. Sam never wanted part of this family. He hated this life growing up. Ran away to Stanford first chance he got. Now it's like déjà vu all over again.' He looked to Alex, and she felt sick. She'd run away too. Did Dean hold it against her like he did Sam? She watched her brother sink back down into his seat. 'Well, I am sick and tired of chasing him. Screw him, he can do what he wants.'

'You don't mean that.' Alex said quietly.

'Yes I do. Sam's gone. He's gone. I'm not even sure if he's still our brother anymore. If he ever was.' Her heart broke a little. Bobby turned away and leant on the kitchen side, anger written across his face. Then he turned, sweeping cups and plates crashing to the floor.

'You stupid, stupid son of a bitch!' He raised his voice, and Alex panicked briefly, hoping James stayed in his room. 'Well, boo hoo, I am so sorry your feelings are hurt, princess! Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good?! Make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!'

'I told him, "you walk out that door, don't come back" and he walked out anyway! That was his choice!' Dean shouted back.

'You sound like a whiny brat. No, you sound like your dad. Well, let me tell you something. Your dad was a coward.' _Don't poke the bear._ Alex thought.

'My dad was a lot of things, Bobby, but a coward?'

'He'd rather push Sam away than reach out to him. Well, that don't strike me as brave. You are a better man than your daddy ever was. So you do both of us a favor. Don't be him.' His voice went from angry to almost pleading and Dean looked away, standing and turning from them both. Alex watched, waiting for him to reply, when suddenly he disappeared.

She panicked immediately. 'Bobby?'

'Angels.' The old man replied, and Alex paled.

'Stay inside with James.' She ran for the door and out into the darkening yard. 'Cas! CASTIEL!' She screamed. And waited. And waited. Moments passed and she thought maybe the stupid angel had taken her seriously. 'CASTIEL, GET YOUR GODDAMN ASS DOWN HERE!'

And he appeared. Right in front of her, his face blank as always. She glared at him.

'Is something wrong?' He asked and she saw red.

'Where. Is. My. Brother?' She demanded and Castiel sighed. _He fucking sighed._ As if she was a burden. She wanted to punch him so badly.

'He is safe.'

'He was _safe_ here. Bring him back.'

'I cannot do that.'

'Bullshit!'

And then he was in front of her, his blue eyes inches from hers. 'You will stay here. Safe from harm. This will be seen to.' She knew he was going to disappear and grabbed the lapels of his trench coat. He stilled, looking at her.

'Fuck you.' She spat. For a split second, something like hurt flashed across her face. 'I hate you, Castiel. I fucking hate you.'

And he was gone.

Alex screamed.

* * *

Dean stared at the figurines on the mantelpiece and swore softly under his breath. He was pissed off, frustrated and worried, and all these things combined made him like a caged wild animal. He reached out and deliberately smashed one of the figurines. When Castiel appeared behind him, he turned, looking a little guilty. Dean Winchester was the poster boy for ADHD, and breaking things came a bit too naturally to him.

'You asked to see me?' Castiel asked, and Dean cleared his throat.

'Yeah, listen, I, uh, I-I need something.'

The angel nodded. 'Anything you wish.'

'I need you to take me to see Sam.'

'Why?'

'There's something I got to talk to him about.' Dean was losing patience and fast.

'What's that?' Cas questioned, and Dean clenched his fist.

'The B.M. I took this morning. What's it to you? Just make it snappy.'

'I don't think that's wise.'

'Well, I didn't ask you for your opinion.'

'Have you forgotten what happened the last time you met?'

'No. That's the whole point. Listen, I'm gonna do whatever you mooks want, okay? I just need to tie up this one thing. Five minutes - that's all I need.' He waited for an answer, and watched Castiel as his jaw ticked.

'No.'

'What do you mean, no? Are you saying that I'm trapped here?' Dean was practically yelling now. Cas' face remained impassive.

'You can go wherever you want.'

'Super. I want to go see Sam.'

'Except there.'

'Fine. I wanna see Alex.'

'That is acceptable. I shall bring her here.'

'Take me there.'

'You only requested to see her. You did not specify that you wanted to go there.' He disappeared and Dean growled in irritation. A second later, Cas appeared with a struggling Alex, who flung his arm away from her elbow.

'Get off!' She shouted, then paused and looked around, seeing her brother stood in the middle of the tackiest room she had ever been in. 'What the hell? Dean?' She rushed forward. 'You've been gone for hours!' She flung her arms around her brother. 'This douchebag wouldn't tell me anything.'

'Yeah, he's getting annoying.' Dean replied, hugging her hard. Castiel watched with his emotionless mask, giving nothing away. 'You okay? Is James okay?'

'He's fine. He's confused, but he's fine. I'm keeping him inside the house.' She moved back from her brother and looked up at him. 'What's going on? Sam isn't answering his phone.'

'I know.' Dean said. 'They're keeping me here. Won't let me find Sam.'

'I'm trying. But he's as good at this as I am.' She sighed, looking to Castiel briefly. 'I'll keep looking. Bobby thinks there's only the one seal left. If I can find that...'

'Just keep safe okay?' A fluttering of wings indicated that Castiel had left, somewhat abruptly and Dean was alone with his sister. 'He give you any trouble?'

'Got in my face a little, but nothing special. I can handle him. It's you I'm worried about, stuck in here with all these assholes.' She looked up at him. 'Maybe if you guys hadn't have found me...'

'No. It would have always played out this way.' A new voice said, and Dean scowled at it. Alex turned, seeing a bald guy in a suit looking at them with an amused expression on his face.

'So this is Alexandra Winchester. The mother of the warrior.' He looked her up and down. 'Scrawny little thing aren't ya?' He looked to Dean. 'She'll be going now.' He raised his hand.

'No! Wait!' Dean begged, looking to his sister. 'Find Sam, Alex -' Zachariah clicked his fingers and Alex was gone. 'What the hell! Where did you send her?'

'Back to her son. Where she belongs.' The angel replied. 'She won't find him, you know.'

'Let me out of here.' Dean's voice was low and dangerous and Zachariah shook his head.

'Like I told you: too dangerous out there. Demons on the prowl.'

'I've been getting my ass kicked all year. Now you're sweating my safety? You're lying. I want to see my brother.'

'That's... ill-advised.'

Dean's face was scrunched up in a scowl, and his patience was gone. 'You know, I am so sick of your crap riddles and your smug, fat face. What the hell is going on, huh? Why can't I see Sam? And how am I gonna ice Lilith?'

'You're not.' Zachariah paused. 'Going to ice Lilith.'

'What?'

The angel sighed. 'Lilith's going to break the final seal. Fait accompli at this point. Train's left the station.'

'But me and Sam, we can stop...' Dean stopped, realising the plan. 'You don't want to stop it, do you?'

'Nope.' Zachariah popped the "p". 'Never did. The end is nigh. The apocalypse is coming, kiddo, to a theater near you.'

Dean looked at him in amazement. 'What was all that crap about saving seals?'

'Our grunts on the ground - we couldn't just tell them the whole truth. We'd have a full-scale rebellion on our hands. I mean, think about it. Would we really let 65 seals get broken unless senior management wanted it that way?'

'But why?'

'Why not? The apocalypse? Poor name, bad marketing - puts people off. When all it is, is Ali/Foreman. On a... slightly larger scale. And we like our chances. When our side wins - and we will - it's paradise on earth. Now, what's not to like about that?'

'What happens to all the people during your little pissing contest?'

'Well... you can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. In this case... truckloads of eggs, but you get the picture. Look... it happens. This isn't the first planetary enema we've delivered.' Zachariah held up a finger as he saw Dean eyeing a statue on the mantelpiece, thinking of using it as a weapon. 'Uh, no, Dean. Probably shouldn't try to bash my skull in with that thing. Wouldn't end up too pleasant for you.'

'What about Sam? He won't go quietly. He'll stop Lilith.'

'Sam... has a part to play. A very important part. He may need a little nudging in the right direction, but I'll make sure he plays it.'

Dean's eyes widened a little. 'What does that mean? What are you gonna do to him?'

Zachariah chuckled.

* * *

Alex blinked. A few moments ago, she was looking at Dean and then the bald angel had clicked his fingers. And she was back at Bobby's, standing in the yard where she had been before. And she wasn't alone. She looked to her side, and in the darkness, Castiel stood out like a sore thumb in his tan trench coat.

'Are you okay?' He asked, and Alex felt anger well up.

'What the fuck do you care?' She didn't normally cuss this much, but she was beyond pissed off.

'I care.' He said slowly. 'You know I care.'

'Get -' She paused. She had been about to tell him to get lost again, but he would probably come up with some smart assed innocent reply as always. 'Just leave me alone.'

'I cannot do that.'

'Why not?' She threw her arms out in frustration. 'Why can't you just stop bothering me?'

'I do not mean to bother you. You requested I not appear in front of James. I have not done so.' He looked around. 'He is not here. But I am still charged with protecting you.'

'Why?' Alex demanded. 'Why am I so goddamned important? Why are my brothers? Why are we being screwed around?' He didn't seem to have an answer. 'I thought you were a decent guy, for a tactless half-witted angel anyway.' She could have sworn he flinched, but she didn't stop. 'But you're jerking us around as much as they do.' She pointed at the sky. 'And I'm sorry, but you told us you had something to say, and then you disappear and come back acting like a complete asshat, and you're still all _smouldering_ and god, I'm so pissed at you, I could just -' She stormed forward as if she was going to hit him, but instead grabbed the back of his neck.

And kissed him.

Hard.

It was kinda like fireworks exploding inside her belly. _Something _inside her reached out and grabbed onto him, and for a second, she couldn't pull herself away. Then she regained her senses, remembered how angry she was and pulled away, panting slightly. Cas just stood there, looking like a dear in headlights.

'That was...I'm sorry...I shouldn't have...' She put a hand to her forehead. 'Oh god.' Looking at him was not an option right now. She turned, as if to leave, but a firm hand on her elbow stopped her and she found herself pulled back against a solid chest. His other hand was on her face and suddenly they were kissing again.

She moaned as she reached up, threading a hand through his hair. And then she pulled away again. 'Cas, what the hell?' She blinked. 'You...'

'I am disobeying.' He stated, his voice deeper and huskier than usual.

Alex nodded in a daze, then shook her head, trying to clear the cobwebs from her brain. 'Look, Cas, not that this isn't...really nice, but...we're in a bit of a situation here.'

Cas nodded. 'Yes. I should return. Keep James safe.' He instructed, and she rolled her eyes, and when she looked back, he was gone.

She turned with a sigh, wondering what in the hell had just happened. Sure, she found Cas attractive, even if he was using a _stolen_ body. But she didn't have time to think about stress-slash-rage induced kisses. Entering the house, she went upstairs and checked on James, who was asleep in his bed. She smiled and shut the door, checking the wardings briefly, before heading back downstairs.

Bobby looked up as she came in. 'With all the disappearing you lot are doing, I'm surprised I don't have whiplash.'

'How do you think I feel?' She commented, and headed over to the sofa. 'Any info?'

'Found something about a convent with a bunch of nuns slaughtered, but it was back in the seventies.' Bobby shrugged. 'Might be a lead. You wanna head out?'

'I don't wanna leave James but -'

'I know.'

'What about Chuck?' Alex thought suddenly. 'He might know something more definite.' She looked at the time. 'I could be there in a couple hours.'

'Sounds like a plan.'

* * *

Castiel stood on the roof of the Singer house, looking through the window into James' bedroom. He saw the boy, asleep in the bed, his mop of blonde hair snuggled in amongst the Lightening McQueen and Mater characters. He'd enjoyed showing Cas those films, and had given him a car as a present.

The angel wasn't sure what love felt like.

But he thought he might feel it for this child. Maybe he shared no genetics with him, but there would always be a part of him inside James.

And his mother.

At the thought of Alex, his fingers drifted to his lips. He was unused to these feelings; this whole situation was odd to him. He felt compelled to disobey, to save these humans. Where had his duty become so confused? When had they become his _family_ instead of the heaven he served?

James moved and rolled over in his sleep, and Castiel could see his face.

And he knew then what to do.

* * *

Dean was about to eat a hamburger when Castiel appeared and grabbed his hand. He knocked the burger away and twisted Dean against the wall, covering his mouth with his hand. He reached down and took Dean's knife, staring at the Winchester. Dean seemed to understand and nodded, and Cas released him, drawing the knife across his forearm. He used his other hand to paint a sigil on the wall.

Zachariah chose that moment to appear and he did not look happy.

'Castiel! Would you mind explaining just what the hell you're doing?'

Cas didn't reply, and slammed his hand into the sigil. White light filled the room and the balding angel disappeared with a screech. He looked back to Dean. 'He won't be gone long. We have to find Sam now.'

'Huh? What?' Dean gaped. 'Where is he?'

'I don't know. But I know who does. We have to stop him, Dean, from killing Lilith.'

'But Lilith's gonna break the final seal.'

'Lilith _is_ the final seal. She dies, the end begins.'

Dean paled, his eyes widening. 'What?! Son of a bitch. How do we find him?'

'The prophect. Chuck. He will know. We must hurry.'

'Wait, Cas.' Dean grabbed his arm. 'What made you change your mind?'

'Your words. And your sister.' The angel replied.

'My sister?'

'She kissed me.' He stated. 'It was odd. But I felt compelled to disobey.' He looked at Dean steadily. 'We do not have time for this. We must go, now.'

'Fine, but we're discussing this later.' He felt the angel's hand land on his shoulder, and they were suddenly in Chuck's house. The prophet was on the phone, ordering some hookers by the sound of it. His face fell when he saw the angel and the hunter, and he hung up the phone, fear evident in his voice as he stated his disbelief at them being here.

'We need help.' Castiel said.

Chuck went white. 'I-I don't...'

'Where is Sam? And Lilith? Where's the final seal?' Dean demanded.

'I already told your sister where it was. St Mary's.'

'St. Mary's? What is that, a convent?' The eldest Winchester suddenly caught on. 'Wait, you told Alex?'

'Yeah, but you guys aren't supposed to be there. You're not in this story. Just Sam and Alex.'

Castiel stilled. 'Alex? Why is Alex in this story?' He stepped forward. 'She is supposed to be safe with her son.'

'No, no, she's in this. She's the one -' Chuck's computer screen flickered and the floor began to shake. He looked around. 'Aw, man! Not again! No!'

Dean looked over at Castiel. 'It's the Archangel.' He reached out to the hunter. 'I'll hold him off! I'll hold them all off! Just stop Sam! Save Alex!' He touched Dean's arm and suddenly he was inside a dusty old stone room, clearly at the convent.

A scream echoed down the corridor.

He ran.

* * *

Sam was walking down the corridor purposefully, and Alex could almost sense something off balance about him. Ruby was at his side, and Alex scowled, feeling a hatred for the girl rising up inside her. She watched for a moment as Sam approached Lilith in the room at the end of the corridor. The demon was wearing a white dress, still looking like the woman she'd been the last time. Lilith raised a hand and the door to the room slammed shut.

Alex took the opportunity to run forward, barrelling Ruby to the floor. The demon girl shrieked, then span, pushing Alex off. Her eyes went black as she faced off against the Winchester sister, and Sam barely spared them a glance as he went about kicking in the door that separated him from his goal.

'Hey, Alex. Never really had the pleasure.'

'You're about to.' Alex snarled, and punched Ruby, hard. She didn't really have time for this. Under her breath she began to chant the exorcism, saying it as quickly as she could. Ruby scowled, pushed against her, but Alex was too quick, and somehow found the strength to finish. Ruby screamed, her face distorted and then she smoked out. Alex fell forward, breathing heavily, just as Sam kicked the door through. He didn't spare his sister a glance as he strode through the door towards his goal.

Chuck had told her what would happen. He'd known. Sam was the key to opening the door. And Alex had to stop it. Chuck had insisted that she couldn't stop it, but she'd hung up as he rabbited, intent on trying at the very least. She'd never driven so fast in her life.

'I've been waiting for this... for a very long time.' Sam said, glaring at the demon. Alex stood behind him, unsure of what to do.

Lilith laughed. 'Then give me your best shot.' The door slammed behind them.

Sam reached out his hand, and Alex froze. White light enveloped the demon and she screeched in pain. Sam smiled, a cruel smirk on his face, and his sister knew she had to do _something_.

'Sam!' Dean's voice came from the other side of the door. Neither Sam or Alex heard. Alex stepped forward, grabbing at her brother. He shrugged her off harshly and she fell to the floor. Dean yelled again, and Sam turned, looking at the door, his hand dropping. Lilith gasped as the pain receeded. Dean continued to shout and bang on the door.

'Dean?' Sam could hear his heartbeat in his head. He looked down at Alex, frowning. She looked up at him.

'Sam. You need to stop.'

'I need to finish this.' He said, turning back to Lilith and raising his hand again. Alex got to her feet, rushing him. As her hand closed around his outstretched palm, he faltered and Alex felt a warmth spread through her. Her vision was tinged with light and the room seemed to fill with the sound of drums and rushing blood.

'Alex...' Sam gasped, and she pushed him to the floor, turning to Lilith.

'The sister. In place of the brother?' She laughed. 'You couldn't touch me if you tried, girl.'

Dean's incessant banging on the door seemed muffled and far away and Alex moved forward, seizing Lilith around the throat. She didn't feel like she was in control of her actions, and the white around her vision was growing brighter with every second. Something coursed through her and she brought her other hand up to Lilith's forehead.

'Watch me, bitch.' She snarled and white light surrounded them. Lilith screamed, but Alex couldn't hear it; she could only hear the rushing of blood as something poured through her and into Lilith, killing her.

Lilith dropped to the ground dead, and Alex fell backwards, landing on Sam, who was pushing himself up from the ground. He looked at Lilith in astonishment, then down at his sister. Alex's eyes were white, and unseeing, and Sam panicked as the doors behind them opened. Dean rushed in, his eyes taking in the scene, and he saw his sister in his brother's arms.

'Alex!' He skidded to the floor on his knees, his hands cupping Alex's face. 'What the hell happened?'

'She...she killed Lilith.' Sam said, looking over at the dead demon. Blood was pooling underneath her, and lines of it seemed to be dribbling towards them. 'Dean?' He nodded in the direction of Lilith's corpse.

'What the hell?' Dean whispered as the blood continued it's path in a spiral. A laugh came from behind them.

'You did it.' Ruby had found her way back to her meatsuit, and was stood in the doorway, her mouth agape. 'I thought she might stop you, but you did it.'

'No. Lilith is dead.' Sam said.

'You opened the door. And now he's free at last. He's free at last!'

Sam shook his head. 'No...no, I didn't...'

Ruby looked like she had been seized by a fever and she laughed hysterically. 'And it is written that the first demon shall be the last seal. And you bust her open.' Sam looked to Dean in a panic. 'Now guess who's coming to dinner.'

'I didn't do it.' Sam gasped, and Ruby frowned, looking down at Alex with her whited out eyes.

'Her? She...it was supposed to be you.'

'You were in on this?' Dean scowled, standing, brandishing the demon killing knife.

'No one knew!' Ruby said, her eyes still on Alex. 'I was the best! The most loyal!' She frowned. 'But it was supposed to be Sam. It was always supposed to be Sam!' The blood continued to spiral, almost meeting in the middle.

'You bitch! You lying bitch!' Sam accused. He thrust his hand out, and Ruby gagged, holding her stomach. 'You did this! You lied to me!' He tightened his hand into a fist, and Ruby choked on black smoke pouring from her mouth. Dean watched, his eyes flickering between his brother and the demon he'd gone off with. Ruby choked and spluttered and Sam gasped in pain as the demon fell to the floor in the middle of a charred circle, dead and gone.

'Sammy, you okay?' His little brother was slumped over their sister, but he managed a nod. 'We have to get Alex out of here.'

'She's...she's breathing.' Sam stuttered out.

The ground began to shake and both brothers looked toward the spiralling blood. It had met in the middle, and was beginning to light up like a damn Christmas tree.

'Dean...he's coming.'

Dean pulled Alex into his arms and hoisted her up as Sam limped to his feet. They looked over at the circle, and Dean tightened his hold on their sister.

'We gotta go, Sammy.' They both turned towards the door. It slammed shut and Sam looked at Dean in a panic. A high pitched noise started up, and Sam covered his ears. Dean looked over at the circle of blood, knowing if they were here when the door opened there was certain death awaiting them.

'Dean!' Sam yelled.

The room filled with white. Dean closed his eyes.

_'What the devil is your name?'_

He opened them, finding himself sat in a seat on an airplane. Sam was next to him. 'What the hell?' He asked. Sam looked at him in confusion, then his eyes widened.

'Dean...where's Alex?'


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Notes: I'm glad it appears people are enjoying this. For my first outing into this fandom, I'm enjoying it too. Colour me turned. Sorry, BTVS, I love you, I really do, it's just...well, SPN has kinda infected me and I can't let go!**

**Standard disclaimers apply, mistakes are my own etc etc :) slight warning for a child getting mildly hurt in this chapter.**

* * *

**Somewhere In The Universe, April 2009**

Alex didn't want to open her eyes.

Her body felt heavy and bruised. And her eyes felt swollen, like she'd had a hell of a crying jag.

And god, was she hungry.

She groaned and rolled over, wondering if she really had to get up. But James would be wanting breakfast, and the boys probably wouldn't say no to her cooking, and -

Wait.

No.

The convent.

_She'd_ let Lucifer out. Something had come from within her and opened the cage.

Her eyes flew open.

The first thing she noticed was that she was laying on grass. It was bright green and dewy, and smelt like it had been freshly cut. She pushed herself upwards, looking around. Wherever she was, it was quiet and no one else was there. There were trees lining the grassy area, and the sky was bluer than she'd ever seen it. She got to her feet, looking around, and spotted a bench behind her.

Huh. Maybe she wasn't alone.

Castiel looked at her with no expression, as per usual, and so she approached him, her only thoughts confusing and jumbled.

'Cas? What happened?'

He looked up at her. 'We appear to be dead.'

Her face dropped. 'Dead? But - no...' She looked around again. 'Is this supposed to be heaven?'

'This is the garden. I have only been here once before.' He sighed. 'It looks different.' Alex frowned.

'That is because you are seeing it how you would imagine it.' A different voice interjected, and both of them looked over. A kindly looking elderly black gentleman walked towards them, his hands opened palmed in a non-threatening gesture. 'This is actually a small park in Wyoming. Middle of summer. You visited once, Alex, and this is how you imagined the Garden to look.'

'Oh.' She said, a little lamely. 'Why are we here?'

'Castiel was right. You are dead.' He came to a stop before them. 'But not permanently. My name is Joshua by the way.'

'You are the one who speaks with God.' Castiel confirmed and Joshua nodded.

'He pulled you all from the brink. Your brothers are safe and well, Alex. They are concerned of course, but you will be returned to them. You too, Castiel.'

'I let Lucifer out.' Alex whispered, and Castiel looked up at her with something akin to shock on his face.

'Yes.' Joshua said, humming a little. 'It was not supposed to be you. It was supposed to be your brother. But it appears there was enough grace inside you to do the job.'

'Grace?' Alex asked, confused.

'When Castiel gave you some of his grace to create your son, a residue - if you will - was left behind in you. It resonates in Castiel's presence. We're not sure how it managed to manifest enough to kill Lilith, but it did, and here we are.'

'Great.' Alex sunk down onto the bench. 'I ended the world.'

'Not quite.' Joshua said. 'There are still battles ahead.'

'Well that's just great news.' She said sarcastically. She looked up. 'Where's God in all this?'

Joshua smiled. 'That is an answer for later. For now, I will return you both on His behalf. Your son is worrying for you both.'

'He's not -' Alex started, but Joshua chuckled.

'You may deny it all you want, Alex Winchester. But Castiel is the boy's father. He was put in that position for a reason. It will all become clear in time.' Alex looked to Cas, who looked back blankly. 'Now go. And good luck.'

The garden disappeared.

Alex slept.

* * *

Sam reached forward and shut the radio off in the car they'd jacked at the airport. Further inspection of the plane had revealed that Alex was definitely not with them, and Dean's angry streak had become a thousand miles wide. The eldest Winchester currently sat the wheel of the car, his eyes focused on the road and the tension in the air palpable.

'Dean, look -'

'Don't say anything.' Dean snapped, and Sam shut his mouth, pressing himself back into his seat and staring straight ahead. Dean exhaled, bringing one hand off the wheel to pinch at the bridge of his nose. 'It's okay. We just got to keep our heads down and find Alex, right?'

Sam didn't reply straight away, then he nodded. 'Yeah, okay.'

'All right, well, first things first. How did we end up on Soul Plane?' Dean questioned, one arm extended to control the vehicle steering wheel as he glanced to his brother briefly.

'Angels, maybe? I mean, you know, beaming us out of harm's way?'

'Well, whatever. It's the least of our worries. We need to find Alex. Best way to do that is to find Cas.'

He put his foot down on the gas, and the car accelerated. He drove recklessly, and Sam didn't say anything. They stopped only for gas and desperate bathroom breaks, neither of them even thinking about food. The closer they got to Chuck's, the antsier Dean got, and it didn't help that he wasn't answering either of their calls.

The car had barely parked on the kerb outside the prophet's house before both of the brothers were bolting out of it and up the path. They burst through the door without ceremony, and when they saw the state of the house, they both skidded to a halt, wandering through. Sam took the kitchen just as Chuck jumped out from his hiding spot and hit Sam around the face with a plunger. The youngest Winchester clutched his bruised nose and glared at the prophet, as Dean walked in from the living room, pushing the kitchen door back as he did so.

'Geez! Ow!'

'Sam.' Chuck exclaimed, dropping the plunger to his side.

'Yeah!' Sam clarified, rubbing his nose.

Dean raised a hand in a sort of greeting. 'Hey, Chuck.'

'So...you're okay?' Chuck looked behind them.

'Well, my nose hurts.' He continued to rub his sore face.

'No, I mean - I mean, my - My last vision. The pit was opening. Alex stopped you right? But did the job herself?' Chuck frowned. 'Where is she? Is she okay?'

'We don't know where Alex is. Where's Cas?' Dean questioned, glancing around.

Chuck sighed. 'He's dead. Or gone. The archangel smote the crap out of him. I'm sorry.'

'You're sure? I mean, maybe he just vanished into the light or something.' The panic was difficult to keep out of his voice. At this point, Cas was their only hope to find their sister.

'Oh, no. He, like, exploded.' Chuck motioned with his hands as if they wouldn't understand. 'Like a water balloon of chunky soup.' Dean's face fell, and Sam bent his head, squinting at the prophet. He waved a hand behind his left ear.

'You got a -'

Chuck's eyes widened and he raised his hand to his right ear. 'Uh...right here?' Sam grimaced a indicated the other side. Chuck felt at his hair and pulled something hard from behind his ear. 'Oh. Oh god. Is that a molar?' He stared at the bloodied tooth in horror. 'Do I have a molar in my hair?' He dropped the offending item and shivered. 'This has been a really stressful day.'

'Cas, you stupid bastard.' Dean muttered, and Sam turned around.

'Stupid. He was trying to help us.'

'Yeah, exactly.'

'So, what now?' Sam questioned his brother, and Dean shrugged.

'I guess we go home. Check James is okay.'

'Oh crap.' Chuck said softly and both brothers spun to face him.

'What?' Sam demanded.

'I can feel them.'

'Thought we'd find you here.' Dean rolled his eyes at the familiar voice, and all three of them turned to face Zachariah, who stood across the living room, flanked by two angels in dark suits. 'Playtime's over, Dean. Time to come with us.' Dean scowled and pointed at the angel.

'You just keep your distance, asshat.'

'You're upset.'

Dean made a face and tilted his head in a sideways nod. 'Yeah. A little. You sons of bitches jump-started judgement day!'

'Maybe we let it happen. We didn't start anything.' He looked between the siblings. 'That was on your sister. Surprising, but it got the job done.' His eyes narrowed. 'You had the chance to stop him, and her. And you couldn't. So let's not quibble over who started what. Let's just say it was all our faults and move on. Cause like it or not, it's Apocalypse Now.' He gestured with his hands towards the two boys. 'And we're back on the same team again.'

'Is that so?' Dean looked like he was anything but on the same side as Zachariah.

'You want to kill the Devil. We want you to kill the Devil. It's...' He sucked in a breath. 'Synergy.'

'And I'm just supposed to trust you?' Dean asked with an incredulous tone. 'Cram it with walnuts, ugly.' He spat, looking sideways at Sam, who tried not to let the corner of his mouth upturn at the insult.'

'This isn't a game, son.' The angel warned. 'Lucifer is powerful in ways that defy description. We need to strike now, hard and fast - before he finds his vessel.'

Sam frowned. 'His vessel? Lucifer needs a meat suit?'

'He is an angel. Them's the rules.' Zachariah raised his shoulders. 'And when he touches down, we're talking Four Horsemen, red oceans, fiery skies -' He opened his hands to the side. 'The greatest hits. You can stop him, Dean, but you need our help.'

**'**You listen to me, you two-faced douche.' Dean pointed a finger at the three angels. 'After what you did, I don't want jack squat from you.'

'You listen to me, boy! You think you can rebel against us? As Lucifer did?' Zachariah stopped as he noticed the blood dripping from Dean's hand, and the Winchester smiled. 'You're bleeding.'

'Oh, yeah.' He raised his arm. 'A little insurance policy in case you dicks showed up.' He turned and pulled the kitchen door to the side again, slamming his bloody hand down on the sigil he'd painted as soon as he'd gotten there. The three angels screamed in unison as they were banished and Dean smirked at the empty spot where they had been. 'Learned that from my friend Cas, you son of a bitch.'

'This sucks ass.' Chuck sighed. 'What do we do now?'

Sam shrugged and Dean slumped a little. 'I don't understand why she wasn't with us. We were in the same place.'

'We need to call Bobby.' The younger Winchester brother said, pulling out his phone.

* * *

At the same time as the Winchester brothers were checking into a motel across the county, Bobby had been fixing James some lunch, nothing but concern on his mind for the missing siblings. He'd tried to call Alex, his worry about her lack of contact at the forefront of his mind. The woman was a worrier, and she called home every few hours to check on James. It had now been twelve hours and he'd heard nothing.

James had asked, and it was obvious the boy was picking up on something. So when the phone rang, James ran to answer it, his haste beating Bobby to the punch.

'Mommy?' The boy asked into the phone, and his face fell as he looked up at Bobby. 'It's Uncle Dean.' Bobby took the phone, ushering James back to his lunch.

'Dean?'

/_Bobby_./

'Everything okay? I'm seeing some bizarre stuff on the telly, boy, please tell me the apocalypse ain't started.'

/_We couldn't stop it._/

'Shit.' Bobby covered his mouth with his hand, hoping James hadn't heard. 'You guys on your way back?'

/_No. We've stopped at a motel. We need some information._/

'Whatever you need, boys. You know that.'

He pulled out a pen and paper, and jotted down what Dean relayed to him. He chuckled as the eldest brother told him about the Supernatural superfan that had delivered the message from Chuck. Dean asked if he could bring the information to him and he paused.

'I got James here, Dean. Alex didn't want him out of the house.'

/_I know, I know. But this is serious. I know you can protect him._/

Bobby gritted his teeth. 'Fine. Give me the address. I can be there in a couple of hours. I'll bring the Impala to you.'

/_Be careful with her, Bobby._/

'Course I will, you idjit.'

He hung up, and began to gather his books together. He glanced over towards the kitchen, where James was stood in the doorway. 'When's Mommy coming home, Granpa?' Bobby sighed and moved over to him, bending down, scowling when his knee clicked loudly. God, he was getting old.

'We're gonna go find her, okay? She's with your uncles.' James nodded. 'So I need you to go and pack a little bag okay? You can bring one toy with you, but make sure your jammies and clean pants are in there too, okay?' The boy nodded again and Bobby smiled, pushing him gently in the direction of the stairs. 'Best hurry, kiddo. And if you do, I might let you drive.' He chuckled at the brightening of James' face and watched as the child ran up to his room. When he was out of sight, the smile dropped and Bobby exhaled heavily. He wasn't too keen on the idea of taking the boy outside on his own. Maybe there hadn't been demons after him for a few months, but with all this going on...

He just needed to get to the boys quickly.

* * *

Dean looked out of the window of the motel room they'd booked at the Regent Inn. Bobby would be here any moment. He'd called half an hour ago, saying they were close, but they'd had to stop for a bathroom break for James. He was stood outside the little boy's room, waiting for the youngest, who'd insisted he wanted to go in on his own.

Now they were just waiting. Becky's message about the Michael Sword was playing on his mind, and he couldn't quite figure the riddle out. _In a castle, on a hill made of forty-two dogs._ It was bizarre to say the least.

He was distracted from his musings as the Impala rolled up into a parking space, and Bobby barely managed to keep up with the littlest Winchester as the blonde boy jumped from the car, running towards the motel. Dean smiled as the child pushed his wild hair out of his face, and reminded himself to ask Alex when he could take a set of clippers to the boy's mop. He was looking more like Sammy every day.

The knock at the door had his brother up and across the room in three long strides, opening the door to a very excited kid. James squealed and launched himself at his uncle, who scooped him up and spun him round. 'Hey buddy!' In a split second, Sam had the boy in a hug and James giggled at the over affection. Then he spotted Dean and struggled to be let down.

Dean knelt down as James ran to him, embracing him as they collided. 'Hey kiddo.'

'Uncle Dean!' If Dean didn't know better, he'd think his nephew was trying to choke the life out of him with his little arms. After a few moments, the boy let go and Dean stood up, nodding to Bobby in greeting.

'Hey Bobby.'

'Good to see you boys all in one piece.' He looked around, concern dipping his brow.

'You weren't followed, were you?' Dean asked, his eyes moving to James.

'You mean by angels, demons or Sam's new superfan?' Sam blushed and Bobby continued to look around. 'Where's ya sister?'

'Er...' Sam paled.

'Where's Mommy, Uncle Dean?' James tugged on his shirt, and Dean felt sick.

'That's the thing...' He ran a hand through his hair whilst looking at his long time father figure. 'We don't know.'

'You don't _know_?' Bobby asked in shock. 'How the hell could you not know? She went up to that damn convent to find you. She was there right?'

'Yeah, she was there.' Sam nodded. 'But...things got...out of hand...'

'Out of hand?' Bobby practically spat.

'Armageddon out of hand.' Dean confirmed. 'We can't...I don't wanna...' He tilted his head in James' direction and Bobby nodded. Dean leant down to James' level. 'We're gonna find her, little guy, okay? You're safe here with us.' He looked up to Sam who nodded for confirmation. 'But apparently we need to find this Michael's sword first. You think we're talking about the actual sword from the actual archangel?'

Bobby's mouth set into a thin line as he dumped his duffle on the table and started pulling out books. James ran past him to the bed and threw himself onto it, confused by everything going on. 'You better friggin' hope so.' Bobby opened the first book and pointed to a picture with naked ladies, babies flying around and a majestic looking figure in the middle. 'That's Michael. Toughest son of a bitch they got.'

Sam leant over, flipping the page to a more feminine depiction of the archangel. Dean walked over, his eyes sliding over the book. 'You kidding me? Tough? That guy looks like Cate Blanchett.'

'Well, I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley, believe me.' Bobby muttered. 'He commands the heavenly host. During the last big dust-up upstairs, he's the one who booted Lucifer's ass to the basement. Did it with that sword.' He pointed to the sword. 'So if we can find it...'

'We can kick the devil's ass all over again. All right. So, where do we start?' Sam stood back as Bobby pointed to the rest of the books he'd brought.

'Divvy up and start reading—try and make sense of Chuck's nonsense.'

Sam hesitated, looking over at James. 'Maybe one of us should look into finding Alex.' His eyes moved to meet Dean's. 'It's my fault, Dean, I should try and find her.'

'Sam -' Dean warned.

'What do you mean it's your fault?' Bobby asked, his tone dangerous.

'Lilith was the final seal. I was gonna kill her, I would have broken it. But Alex...' He looked down at James, who was staring at him with those big blue eyes of his and Sam broke a little, his voice dropping to a whisper. 'Alex stopped me and did it herself.'

'Alex killed Lilith?' The elder hunter's voice was distorted, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. 'Alex started Armageddon? Our Alex?' He looked at Dean. 'Are you serious?'

'We don't know what happened.' Sam said. 'One minute we were all together and then Alex was gone and we were on a plane. We couldn't find her.' He felt like crying. 'You guys warned me about Ruby, the demon blood, but I didn't listen. I brought this on.'

Dean didn't say anything, but he moved towards James, kneeling in front of him. The boy threw himself into Dean's arms, burying his face in his jacket. He didn't want to hear any more.

'You're damn right you didn't listen. You were reckless and selfish and arrogant.'

'I'm sorry.' Sam pleaded.

'Oh, yeah? You're sorry your sister is missing? Maybe dead?' Dean felt James flinch into his coat and his little body began to shake. Tiny sobs reached his ears and he cursed Bobby. 'This kind of thing don't get forgiven, boy. If, by some miracle, we pull this off...I want you to lose my number. You understand me?'

Sam nodded, his face blank. He'd probably expected this. The guilt was his to bear; he'd led them here and caused his sister's disappearance. And now James might not have a mom any more. He looked towards the door. 'There's an old church nearby. Maybe I'll go read some of the lore books there.'

'Yeah. You do that.' Bobby's voice was harsh and unforgiving as he sat down at the table. Silence filled the room as Sam left, aside from the choked sobs coming from the boy hiding in his uncle's embrace. Bobby looked up, and Dean scowled at him. 'I never would have guessed that your daddy was right.'

'About what?' Dean asked, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. James was a broken wreck and Bobby was going down this road now?

'About your brother.' Dean's eyes narrowed but Bobby continued talking. 'What John said - you save Sam or kill him. Maybe...'

'I don't think now is the right time for this discussion.' Dean said slowly, trying to pull James out of his coat. 'Later, Bobby.'

'Maybe we shouldn't have tried so hard to save him.' Bobby ignored him.

'Bobby.' Dean warned.

'Alex is gone, Dean. We might not get her back.' The words were enough to strike James like lightening and he bolted away from Dean, across the bed. His uncle looked at him, seeing the accusation in that little face. Then something hit him.

'Dad.' He bolted for his bag, pulling out a Ziplock full of cards. He dumped them out on the bed and rummaged through them. 'It's got to be in here somewhere.'

'What the hell are you talking about?' Dean bit down the urge to tell Bobby to stop swearing so much, then found the card he was looking for.

'Here.' He held up the card, reading it. Bobby moved over to him, and Dean showed him the card. 'I don't believe it.'

'What the hell is it?'

'It's a card for my dad's lockup in upstate New York. Read it.' Bobby took the card from him.

'"Castle Storage. 42 Rover Hill."'

Dean grinned. 'Castle on a hill of forty-two dogs.' He looked over at James, who was watching warily. 'One step closer to finding your mom, kiddo.'

'So you think your dad had the Michael sword all this time?' Bobby said slowly, turning the card over in his fingers.

Dean shrugged, looking back to the elder man. 'I don't know. I'm not sure what else Chuck could have meant.'

'Yeah.' Bobby nodded. 'Okay. It's good enough for me.'

James screamed as his grandpa lunged for his uncle, his eyes black as he clocked Dean with a hard uppercut. Dean fell backwards and scrambled towards his nephew, who continued to scream. 'James! Run!'

The boy halted his cries, and ran for the door, only for it to open and three demons to walk in; two men flanked by a shorter woman, who smiled down at the boy. James backed up, looking between her and Dean, not sure what to do. 'Stay there, boy.' The woman hissed, and then she looked up. 'I always knew you were a big, dumb, slow, dim pain in the ass, Dean. But I never dreamed you were so V.I.P.' She grasped James by the shoulder and spun him round. She reached for Ruby's knife, which was laying on the table next to the books. 'I mean, you're gonna ice the devil? You? If I'd known that, I'd ripped your pretty, pretty face off ages ago.' She tightened her grip on James' shoulder and he yelped in pain. Dean growled and struggled against "Bobby".

'Ruby.' He snarled and she laughed.

'Try again. Go back further.'

'Meg?'

'Hi. These are the days of miracle and wonder, Dean. Our father's among us.' She looked down at the child in her grip. 'And you've hand delivered not one, but two weapons.' James tried to pull away, but she squeezed harder and something cracked audibly. James screeched, and Meg flinched, flinging him towards one of the male demons behind her. 'You know we're all dreaming again for the first time since we were human? It's heaven on earth. Or hell. We really owe your sister a fruit basket.'

'My god, you like the sound of your own voice.' His usual snark was missing amongst the concern for his nephew, who was struggling against the demon that held him, but his cries of defiance were half-choked sobs from the pain in his shoulder.

Meg smiled, walking closer to Dean. 'But you, on the other hand, you're the only bump in the road. So every demon - every single one - is just dying for a piece of you.'

'Dean smirked. 'Get in line.'

'Oh, I'm in the front of the line, baby. Let's ride.' She moved forward, forcing a kiss onto the hunter, who desperately tried to pull away. She groaned as she moved backwards, and Dean looked like he was going to be sick.

'What is that, peanut butter?'

'You know, your surrogate daddy's still awake screaming in there. And I want him to know how it feels slicing the life out of you.' She smiled. 'Then he can watch as we make the boy follow his true path.' She handed the knife over to "Bobby", who raised it to Dean's throat. Dean's eyes clashed with James, who froze at the danger presented to his uncle.

'Don't watch, James!'

'But he'll miss all the fun!' Meg said, reaching up to fondle the boy's head. James scowled at her, and swiped out with little kid hands. She laughed as he missed.

'Bobby!' Dean cried, and the demon possessing the hunter looked back to Meg, who was trying to get James to watch.

'Now!' She demanded and "Bobby" held the knife up high, black eyes glaring at the hunter he held.

'Granpa, no!' James yelled, and "Bobby" stilled, grimacing as the black faded from his eyes. He brought the knife down and stabbed himself through the gut, his body flashing gold as the demon inside him died. He hit the floor, blood pumping from the wound in his stomach. Dean didn't hesitate and rushed Meg, knocking her backwards with one punch. The demon holding James turned to run, and hit Sam, who was on his way back into the room.

'No!' Sam shouted, aiming a fist for the demon, who dodged and tried to make his way with James. But the little boy struggled, and then sank his teeth into the demon's shoulder, causing it to cry out. James was dropped to the floor, and Sam watched the demon run. He looked over at Bobby on the floor, and Meg straddling Dean, punching him in the face. She paused and grinned up at him.

'Heya, Sammy. You miss me? 'Cause I sure missed you.'

Sam's brow furrowed. 'Meg?' She stood up, smiling, and Sam took a swing at her. She ducked it and kicking him in the crotch. Dean had gotten to his feet and was now tackling the other demon, trading blows with him. James crawled backwards to hide underneath the table, his eyes wide with fear. He wanted his mommy. She'd always protected him. _Where was she?_

'It's not so easy without those super-special demon powers, huh, Sammy?' Meg taunted, and Sam went down under a hit. Dean stabbed the demon he was fighting and killed it, standing up. Meg looked over at him and backed away. The eldest Winchester came at her, and she threw her head back, black smoke pouring out as she escaped. James looked up, watching the smoke disappear.

'James!' Dean called, and the boy eyed him warily, his eyes flickering between his uncle and his granpa on the floor. 'Oh, shit, Bobby!' He fell to his knees beside the fallen hunter. 'Sam!'

'We need to get him to an emergency room.' Sam said, holding out his arms to James. 'I'll take James, you take Bobby.'

Dean nodded. James didn't want to come out from underneath the table, but Sammy picked him up quickly, ignoring his protests. As they followed Dean to the car with Granpa Bobby, James whimpered. 'You okay, buddy?' Sam asked quietly.

'I'm scared, Uncle Sammy.' The boy whispered, and Sam raised a hand to his cheek, then noticed the blood at the corner of the boys mouth.

'Were you hurt?' He asked, and James shook his head.

'I bit the bad man hard. It tasted funny.' Sam paled at his words, but decided not to say anything as he got into the Impala with James on his lap.

_It tasted funny_.

Sam knew that taste all too well.


	12. Chapter 12

In all the panic and fear of the situation, James' shoulder didn't present itself as an actual injury until they got to the hospital and the boy was a deathly pale in his Uncle Sam's arms. When he threw up all down Sam's jacket and promptly passed out, a nurse had taken him from the boys and rushed him to the paediatric emergency room. Dean had looked over to Sammy, worried about what they were gonna do. They needed to go after the Michael sword, and whilst they could probably get away with leaving Bobby, they knew they couldn't leave James on his own.

'You go.' Sam suggested, his eyes not leaving his nephew as his tiny body was hooked up to an IV.

'No, we go together or we don't go at all.' Dean muttered.

'We can't leave him here.' The younger brother said, desperation in his voice. A nurse smiled gently.

'Look, he's knocked out. His shoulder is pretty damaged and we'll need to do x-rays. If you could just sign some paperwork, he won't even know you're gone if it's just for a few hours. He's going to be out cold until at least tomorrow morning.' She checked the monitor attached to James and looked up at them. 'He won't know. We'll take good care of him.'

'Will he be safe here?' Sam asked his brother under his breath.

Dean frowned. 'I don't know.' He thought for a moment. 'You got any of that hex bag stuff? That'll shield him for now.'

Sam's eyes brightened. 'Yeah, there's a couple already made in the trunk. I'll go grab them.'

Once Sam returned and the hex bags had been placed, Dean stood over the unconscious form of his nephew and looked up at Sam, still reluctant to leave.

'Dean, we have to go. There's no choice here.'

'It's too big a risk.'

'He'll be fine. That nurse isn't possessed. She will keep an eye, she said she would. We'll get the miles behind us and be back by morning.'

Dean nodded slowly. 'Okay. Okay. As long as we're quick.' He sighed as he crossed the room to his brother. 'We might be all he has now, Sammy. This is the last time he gets left behind.' Sam nodded in response.

'I know, Dean. I know.'

* * *

Sam wasn't entirely sure how the Impala had reached the speeds it did under Dean's heavy foot, but they made to Castle Storage in the middle of the night. They loaded up on weapons, and headed inside, finding no sign of the usual clerk. The lock up was deserted, until they reached their dad's specific area and found the bodies of half a dozen dead demons. The boys stopped, taking in the scene, as Zachariah appeared in front of them, two flunkies behind him.

'I see you told the demons where the sword is.'

Dean dropped his shotgun, rolling his eyes. 'Oh, thank god. The angels are here.' Sarcasm dripped from every word.

'And to think...they could have grabbed it any time they wanted.' The angel waved a hand and the door closed on them. 'It was right in front of them.'

Sam frowned at the balding man. 'What do you mean?'

Zachariah sucked air through his teeth. 'We may have planted that particular piece of prophecy inside Chuck's skull, but it happened to be true. We did lose the Michael sword. We truly couldn't find it. Until now. You've just hand-delivered it to us.'

'We don't have anything.' Dean replied, confusion written across his face.

The angel laughed at him. 'It's you, chucklehead. You're the Michael sword.' Dean gaped at him, and Sam stared at his brother. Zach laughed again, and it was not a pleasant sound. 'What, you thought you could actually kill Lucifer? You simpering wad of insecurity and self-loathing? No. You're just a human, Dean. And not much of one.'

'What do you mean, I'm the sword?'

'You're Michael's weapon. Or, rather, his...receptacle.' The way he said it made it sound so dirty and Dean shuddered a little.

'I'm a vessel?'

'You're _the_ vessel. Michael's vessel.' Zachariah smiled tightly, and Dean suddenly knew he wasn't telling the whole truth.

'How? Why - why me?'

'Because you're chosen! It's a great honour, Dean.'

Dean scoffed at that. 'Oh, yeah. Yeah, life as an angel condom. That's real fun. I think I'll pass, thanks.'

The angel chuckled once more, shaking his head as if he was watching a child misbehave. 'Joking. Always joking. Well...no more jokes.' He raised a hand, his fingers mimicking a gun and pointed it at Dean. At the last second his aim shifted to Sam. 'Bang.' A crunch echoed through the room and Sam cried out and fell to the floor.

'You son of a bitch!' Dean shouted, his concern for his brother palpable.

'Keep mouthing off, I'll break more than his legs.' Zach threatened. 'I am completely and utterly through screwing around. The war has begun. We don't have our general. That's bad. Now, Michael is going to take his vessel and lead the final charge against the adversary. You understand me?'

'How many humans die in the crossfire, huh? A million? Five, ten?' The eldest Winchester demanded.

Zachariah shrugged. 'Probably more. If Lucifer goes unchecked, you know how many die? All of them. He'll roast the planet alive.'

'There's a reason you're telling me this instead of just nabbing me. You need my consent. Michael needs my say-so to ride around in my skin.' Dean knew this to be true and he knew it was his only bargaining chip.

The angel sighed heavily. 'Unfortunately, yes.'

'Well, there's got to be another way.'

'There is no other way. There must be a battle. Michael must defeat the serpent. It is written.'

'Yeah, maybe. But, on the other hand... Eat me. The answer's no.'

'Okay.' Zachariah rubbed his hands together. 'How about this? Your friend Bobby—we know he's gravely injured. Say yes, and we'll heal him. Say no, he'll never walk again.'

Dean looked behind him to Sam, seeing the tears of pain in his eyes. He looked back to Zachariah. 'No.'

'Then how about we heal you from...stage-four stomach cancer?'

The hunter fell to the floor, clutching his stomach with one hand and spitting blood into the other as he coughed hard. 'No.' He gasped.

The angel frowned. 'Hmm. Let's get creative. Let's see how...' His eyes sparkled. 'Sam does without his lungs.' Sam gasped as the angel removed the organs from him, and Dean struggled to look at his brother. 'Are we having fun yet? You're going to say yes, Dean.'

'Just kill us.' Dean choked up more blood as he spoke.

'Kill you? I'm not going to kill you. I'm just getting started. Isn't your adorable little nephew laying in a hospital somewhere?' He was interrupted by a bright flash of light as one of his flunkies hit the floor, an angel blade wound through his throat. Blackened wing burns frame the floor around him, and Castiel stood, anger on his face. He lunged for the other angel and dispatched him quickly, turning to face Zachariah.

'How are you...' The bald angel said slowly.

'Alive? Good question. Would you like to threaten my son again?' The tone in Cas' voice was not one the boys had heard before.

'You were smote. You were gone.'

'I think we both know the answer, don't you?' In that moment, the trench coat adorned angel look terrifying. Sam was almost out of air now, starting to turn a funny shade of blue.

'No. That's not possible.'

Cas grinned. 'It scares you. Well, it should. Now, put these boys back together and go. I won't ask twice.' He brandished the angel blade, and Zachariah disappeared. Sam took a breath and look around, surprised. Both Winchesters stood up, facing the angel.

'You two need to be more careful.' He advised them and Dean nodded, sliding his hands into his jacket pockets.

'Yeah, I'm starting to get that. Your frat brothers are bigger dicks than I thought.' He said. Castiel shook his head.

'I don't mean the angels. Lucifer is circling his vessel. And once he takes it, those hex bags won't be enough to protect you.' Dean's eyes widened as Cas reached out and put his hands on their chests. A burning pain ran through each of them and they gasped, taking a step back.

'What the hell was that?' Dean demanded.

'An Enochian sigil. It'll hide you from every angel in creation, including Lucifer.'

'What, did you just brand us with it?'

'No. I carved it into your ribs.' He looked around. 'You should return to James and Bobby.'

Sam looked at Cas with a raised eyebrow. 'So he is your son huh?'

'Yes.' He looked Sam in the eye with a small smile twitching the corner of his mouth, and then he disappeared.

* * *

When they arrived back at the hospital, weary as hell and ready to collapse, the nurse that had assured them their nephew would looked after greeted them. She filled them in on his condition and ushered them to the room. 'He isn't awake. I'm glad his mom turned up though. She looked sick as hell when she got here.'

'His mom?' Dean looked to Sam in a panic, and they bolted for the room, flinging the door open with no grace whatsoever. On the oversized hospital bed, laying asleep next to James, was Alex. She looked like hell, but she was out cold, and Dean almost collapsed in relief. 'Oh thank fuck.'

'Is everything okay?' The nurse asked as she caught up with them.

'Yeah, yeah, it's fine.' Sam assured her. 'His mom - our sister - she went missing yesterday. We were worried for her.'

The nurse nodded. 'She didn't say much. The guy who dropped her off asked that we keep an eye on her.'

'The guy who dropped her off?' Sam queried and the nurse smiled again.

'Yeah, he was wearing a trench coat, dreamy blue eyes, dark hair?' She frowned. 'You know him?'

Dean nodded, his eyes on the bed containing the rest of his family. 'He's James' dad.' He didn't seem to acknowledge the words coming out of his own mouth.

'And he didn't want to stay?' The nurse asked, surprised by the information.

Sam smiled tightly. 'It's complicated. Hey, would you might showing me the ward Bobby Singer is on please?' The nurse smiled brightly. Sam looked at Dean. 'They're safe for now, Dean. Let's let them sleep, and you can grill Alex tomorrow. She looks half dead.' The eldest sibling watched his sister for a moment longer, then nodded, following his brother from the room.

* * *

**May 2009**

'"Unlikely to walk again"?! Why, you snot-nosed son of a bitch! Wait till I get out of this bed!'

To say Bobby was not taking his diagnosis well was an understatement. Sam and Dean watched from the window as the old man in the bed screamed at the doctor.

'I'll use my game leg and kick your friggin' ass!' The doctor ran from the room and Bobby snarled as he did. 'Yeah, you better run!' He looked over to the boys. 'You believe that yahoo?'

'Screw him.' Dean waved a hand. 'You'll be fine.'

'So, let me ask the million-dollar question. What do we do now?'

Bobby fixed the younger Winchester with a look. 'Well... We save as many as we can for as long as we can, I guess. It's bad. Whoever wins, heaven or hell, we're boned.' He looked towards the door. 'And keep those two safe.' He referred to Alex and James.

'What if we win?' Bobby and Sam both stared at him. Neither were used to optimism from the eldest Winchester. 'I'm serious. I mean, screw the angels and the demons and their crap apocalypse. Hell, they want to fight a war, they can find their own planet. This one's ours, and I say they get the hell off it. We take 'em all on. We kill the devil. Hell, we even kill Michael if we have to. But we do it our own damn selves.'

'And how are we supposed to do all this, genius?' Bobby asked.

'I got no idea. But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell attitude, and I'll figure it out.' He grinned. Sam decided he must be over tired. Dean was never this positive.

'You are nine kinds of crazy, boy.'

'It's been said.' He walked over and patted Bobby on the shoulder. 'Listen, you stay on the mend. We're gonna go check on Alex and James.' He headed for the door.

'You get anything out of her as to why she's back yet?' The elder hunter asked and Dean shook his head.

'I don't know if she remembers. She's been pretty out of it since she got back from...wherever...' He trailed off and Sam pushed off from the windowsill to follow.

'Sam?'

The younger brother turned as Bobby called his name. 'I was awake. I know what I said back there. I just want you to know that...that _was_ the demon talking. I ain't cutting you out, boy. Not ever.' There was a long pause when he finished and Sam sighed, with the hint of a smile.

'Thanks, Bobby.'

'You're welcome. I deserve a damn medal for this, but...you're welcome.' He smiled tightly and watched Sam follow Dean out into the hall.

They walked in silence for a while, making their way down the corridors towards the kids' wing. 'You know, I was thinking, Dean - maybe we could go after the Colt.'

'Why? What difference would that make?' Dean blinked at his brother.

'Well, we could use it on Lucifer. I mean, you just said back there -' Sam was confused as Dean interrupted him.

'I just said a bunch of crap for Bobby's benefit.' Dean stopped walking. 'I mean, I'll fight. I'll fight till the last man, but let's at least be honest. I mean, we don't stand a snowball's chance, and you know that. I mean, hell, you of all people know that.' Dean began to walk again, purposefully avoiding any contact with his brother.

'Dean...' Dean stopped, turning back to his brother, who stood in the middle of the hall, looking so desperate it hurt. 'Is there something you want to say to me?'

The silence seemed to stretch for ages as Dean thought about what to say. 'I tried, Sammy. I mean, I really tried. But I just can't keep pretending that everything's all right. Because it's not. And it's never going to be. You chose a demon over your own family.' Sam rolled his eyes, which pissed Dean off more. '-and look what happened.'

'I would give anything - _anything_ - to take it all back.' Sam said.

'I know you would. And I know how sorry you are. I do. But, man...you were the one that I depended on the most. And you let me down in ways that I can't even...' Dean paused. 'I'm just - I'm having a hard time forgiving and forgetting here. You know? Alex was god knows where - because she tried to save your ass.' Sam nodded, looking down at the floor for a long moment before looking back up at his big brother.

'What can I do?' He asked and Dean sighed.

'Honestly? Nothing.' Sam didn't react; maybe he'd been expecting this. 'I just don't...I don't think that we can ever be what we were. You know?' Sam stared at him, feeling like his stomach was gonna turn inside out, but not able to show it outwardly. Dean exhaled heavily.

'I just don't think I - we can trust you.'

* * *

There was something not quite right in the world of the Winchesters. Aside from the apocalypse happening outside, the dynamic between her two brothers had shifted, and Alex didn't like it. It made her uncomfortable - more uncomfortable that she already was, having spent three days in a hospital with her son, who was under heavy sedation because the pain would be too much for him to bear. The pain from the shattered collarbone he had.

That had happened whilst she wasn't there to protect him.

Because she'd been dead. After ending the world.

She felt like a champ right now, that's for sure.

The chair she was in was as discomforting as the atmosphere between her two brothers. Sam watched the boy in the bed with an eagle eye, coffee in hand, hoping he'd wake up. Dean had gone off somewhere in a mood. Alex just sat there, glancing between all three of them, feeling like the crappiest crap to ever exist.

A knock on the door, and it opened. Bobby wheeled in, a look of thunder on his face. She looked up nervously; she hadn't seen Bobby since she'd accidentally set the devil free. As the old man wheeled over to the bed containing the sleeping form of James, his face softened, and five seconds later, Dean appeared in the doorway, an envelope in his hand.

'How's he doing?' Bobby asked her softly, and she smiled gratefully.

'They're keeping him sedated for the time being. Say it'll hurt too much to wake him.' She looked over at him. 'How're you holding up?'

'That's a loaded question.' He looked behind him. Dean was tiptoeing round the room, holding out the envelope to Sam.

'Went to radiology.' He explained, opening the envelope. 'Got some glamour shots.' He held out the contents to Sam, who took them and held them up to the light. They were chest X-ray with strange writing on the ribs. Sam looked at him puzzle. 'Let's just say, the doctors are baffled.'

'Holy crap.' Sam muttered.

'Yeah, well, Cas carved you one, too.'

At that moment, Cas appeared in the room. He looked over at them. 'I was hoping you would both be here. I was going to call -'

'Call? Really?' Dean asked, and the angel shrugged.

'You are hidden from angels now - all angels. I won't be able to simply.'

'Enough foreplay.' Bobby said, wheeling backwards to glare at them. 'Get over here and lay your damn hands on.' He waited. 'Get healing. Now.'

'I can't.' Castiel said slowly.

'Say again?' The elder hunter replied. 'What about the boy?' Bobby nodded in his direction. Cas approached him and the bed.

'I'm cut off from heaven and much of heaven's power. Certain things I can do. Certain things I can't.' He said, looking down at James. It was clear he regretted what he couldn't do. Bobby huffed.

'You're telling me you lost your mojo just in time to get me stuck in this trap the rest of my life? Just in time to watch your _son_ sit in a coma whilst his shoulder mends?'

'I'm sorry.' Castiel replied, trying not to look at Alex. She'd been hoping for much the same as Bobby, but she didn't say anything. Bobby on the other hand was less than forgiving.

'Shove it up your ass.' Bobby turned back to the bed, leaning on the edge of the bed. He reached one pale hand out and took Alex's as she tried to hide the fact that she was going to cry. Castiel watched her for a second, and decided it was best not to say anything more. He turned away, only to be confronted with the twin bitchfaces of the Winchester brothers. He had often pondered what the phrase "if looks could kill" meant, and now he realised. He sighed.

'I don't have much time. We need to talk.' He motioned to the corridor.

'Okay.' Dean said, and the single word held the promise of a chewing out later on. The two brothers followed the angel out into the hall, and they shut the door behind them.

'Your plan to kill Lucifer.' Cas started.

'Yeah. You want to help?' Dean asked.

'No. It's foolish. It can't be done.' The angel said simply.

'Oh.' Dean blinked. 'Thanks for the support.'

Castiel raised a hand. 'But I believe I have the solution. There is someone besides Michael strong enough to take on Lucifer. Strong enough to stop the apocalypse.' Both brothers looked at each other and then to the angel.

'Who's that?'

'The one who resurrected me and Alex, and put you on that airplane. The one who began everything.' He paused, and Dean was fairly certain it was for dramatic effect. 'God.' He glanced to Sam, and saw his own sceptical expression mirrored back at him. Castiel smiled. 'I'm gonna find God.'

Dean blinked, and raised a hand. 'God?'

'Yes.'

'God.' Dean repeated again.

'Yes!' The angel was beginning to sound frustrated. 'He isn't in heaven. He has to be somewhere.'

'Try New Mexico. I hear he's on a tortilla.' The eldest brother said sarcastically and Sam stifled a laugh. The door to the room opened behind them as Castiel frowned. Alex slipped out, looking at them curiously.

'No, he's not on any flatbread.'

'Listen, Chuckles, even if there is a God, he is either dead - and that's the generous theory -' Castiel cut Dean off.

'He is out there, Dean.'

Dean continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. '- or he's up and kicking and doesn't give a rat's ass about any of us.' Castiel glared at the hunter. 'I mean, look around you, man. The world is in the toilet. We are literally at the end of days here, and he's off somewhere drinking booze out of a coconut. All right?'

'Enough.' Castiel glowered. 'This is not a theological issue. It's strategic. With God's help, we can win.'

'Who gives a shit?' Alex said quietly from behind him. Cas stiffened. 'You heard what I heard up there, Cas. I don't think God gives a shit. He's intervened this much. We should be thankful for what we have and find a way to gank Lucifer.' The angel turned. 'And you're a dick.' She added for good measure.

'Alex. I don't think -'

'Don't you dare tell me I don't understand! You heard what Joshua said. You are that little boy's father, and I'll be damned if you're gonna flit off round the world on some pointless quest, when you should be here, worrying as much as I fucking am!' She was practically shouting now. 'You may not give a shit about us, Cas, and to be frank, I don't care. But you had a part in this. In him. So you need to _do_ something.'

'I can't heal him, Alex.' Cas looked a desperate as she sounded, and Dean and Sam took a step back from the domestic.

'I'm not asking you to heal him.' Alex said quietly, letting her temper simmer down. She looked up, her green eyes clashing with his blue ones. 'I'm asking you to be his father.'

'I asked you to stay behind with him.' Castiel threw back and Alex flinched. 'But you didn't. I killed two angels this week. My brothers. I'm hunted. I rebelled. And I did it, all of it, for you, and you failed. You and your brothers destroyed the world -'

'But James didn't do anything.' Dean pointed out. 'You can hate on us all you want, Castiel. But that little boy didn't do nothing except get his shoulder all torn up by some bitch demon.'

'Which wouldn't have happened if she had stayed home.' The angel accused, and Dean scowled. He wanted to hit him, but knew from experience that punching an angel would only hurt him.

'We're not saying don't look for God. But maybe do it when James is out of the woods yeah?' Sam tried to reason with them.

'He's going to be fine.' Castiel looked away. 'I do not see the need -'

'Well I do. And James will if you aren't here when he wakes up.' Alex retorted quietly. 'You can ignore us all you want, Castiel. But James is an innocent in all this. He never asked to be born. He never asked to be what he is.'

Castiel's face softened, and he reached out, but Alex stepped back. 'I'm sorry. I sometimes forget that you did not ask for this either.'

'No I didn't. But I'm used to crap being thrown at me. I'm a Winchester.' She smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile, and she could see the agreement on her brother's faces.

Bobby chose that moment to open the door, concern on his face. 'Guys, heads up. Got a job needs doing.'

* * *

After little argument from the boys, Alex stayed behind with Bobby at the hospital. Castiel hadn't given up his idea of looking for God, but had agreed to wait until James had awoken and was feeling better. The doctors had said they would be bringing him out of the sedation that evening, after they had set his arm and wrapped it. He would need follow appointments for a couple of weeks, but they'd said he was making good headway with his healing. _He's one lucky little guy._

'You're more than lucky.' Alex whispered, leaning her head on his arm. Dean and Sam had not long left, and Bobby had wheeled himself down the corridor to discharge himself so the nurses couldn't keep forcing him back to his room. The old man was gruff about his injury, and didn't like to talk about it, and he was trying to be more focused on James' wellbeing.

Cas stood by the window, watching them at the bed. 'He will be fine, Alex.' He moved towards them, reaching out to touch her shoulder. She jumped at the contact.

'D-don't, Cas.' She choked out and the angel frowned.

'What is it?'

Alex shook her head. 'It doesn't matter.' She reached out to curl her fingers around her son's hand. 'It _really_ doesn't matter.'

Castiel pulled a chair to sit beside her and she shuddered a little. 'Are you cold?'

'No, Cas. I'm fine okay, just leave it.'

He scowled a little. 'You are clearly not fine. You are lying.'

'It's nothing.' She insisted, wishing the angel would just understand she didn't want to talk about it. But he didn't, because human behaviour was a foreign concept to Castiel.

'You are lying, Alex.' He said softly. 'What is it that bothers you?'

She sighed. 'When you touch me...whatever you left behind...it reacts. Like it did back at the convent. Like what I did to _end the world_. So it's making me uncomfortable.'

Cas reeled back a little. 'Oh.' He contemplated this for a moment. 'I did not realise. I'm sorry.'

'It's fine.'

They lapsed into silence for a moment, Alex chewing the inside of her cheek as she stared at James, noting the dark lashes of his eyes framing his pale cheeks. She'd never seen him so pale. But then, he'd been practically on house arrest since they'd fled Indiana. No wonder he'd lost that little boy sunkissed look. It made her sad.

'What you did for Sam and Dean...the sigils...could you do that for us?'

Castiel looked over. 'I can.' He said.

'Because they're going to find us otherwise. We need to be hidden. If James is what they said he is, either side will want him more now.'

'I suppose that is correct.' Castiel looked down. 'He needs to remain hidden.' He stood and placed his hand on James' torso, and the little boy's body tensed for a second, then relaxed. Alex blinked.

'I didn't mean right now.' She hissed, and the angel looked at her confused.

'He is unconscious. It was better to do it now, so he would not feel it.' He waited a moment. 'Would you prefer to wait?' He asked, and Alex thought for a moment. She didn't think she was going to feel any less crappy, so now was as good a time as any.

'No. It's okay.' She shivered as his hand made contact with her bare skin above the camisole she wore, and she gasped as he did what was required. A burn spread through her chest, over in a split second, but painful nonetheless. 'Is it done?' She asked, when Castiel did not remove his hand. He didn't reply, and Alex stared at him, his blue eyes bearing into her. 'Castiel?'

She was surprised the force with which he moved forward didn't make her chair fall backwards, but before knew it, Cas' lips were on her and she shrieked in surprise, then melted into him. He pulled her up, manoeuvring them so he was sat in the chair and she was straddling him. Hands roamed and they kissed with furore, not even noticing the light growing around them, so wrapped up in each other they were. Alex felt warmth suffuse her; all she knew was that she had to keep touching him. Cas didn't really understand what was happening; but knew he couldn't stop either.

The door opened, and Bobby shouted, and the two broke apart with a crash. Alex found herself on her back on the floor, panting hard, and Cas was sat in the chair, his breath uneven.

'What in blue blazes was that?' Bobby demanded, wheeling over to the bed.

'We were - it was just -' Alex stuttered.

'Oh I know what you two were doing.' The wheelchair bound hunter said. 'It was the damn light show I was on about.'

'Lightshow?' Castiel asked.

'White light, all around you two. Damn near blinded me. Like I'm not disabled enough already.' Bobby grumbled, looking over at James. 'You're lucky you didn't wake him.'

Alex climbed to her feet, shaking a little. 'Cas -'

'I should go.' He said, standing. He was unsure of what had happened, but felt like he should not repeat his actions.

'No. No. Please. Stay until he wakes up. We'll just...keep our distance, okay?'

Bobby looked between them. 'Oh lord, you two. Quit with the dramatics.'

'Please?' Alex asked again and Castiel nodded slowly.

'I'll stay.'


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note: I'm aware I may be screwing with the timeline here. But it'll all work out okay? Well, not without some angst. It is the Winchesters afterall. You might get some explanations here, and also some non-descriptive Calex fluff before I throw you to the sharks. I'm just playing it by ear lol standard disclaimers, yadda yadda yadda...you know the jist.**

* * *

**May 2009**

Alex was almost asleep when Dean returned. Bobby had gone back to his house to sort a few things out, and she was left on her own. Castiel had disappeared somewhere briefly, insisting he would return soon. That had been an hour ago, and she wasn't expecting anyone just yet. She let her eyes drift shut, intending on getting a little bit of rest for when they came to bring James round.

So when the door clicked open, she jumped in surprise. Dean smiled apologetically.

'Hey. How is he?'

'They're bringing him out of sedation later.' She stretched and yawned. 'Sorry, I'm tired.' She frowned as she looked up. 'Where's Sam?' She asked.

Dean took the seat opposite her and looked over at James. 'Sam is...gone.'

'Gone?' She repeated, and Dean nodded, not meeting her eyes. 'What do you mean, gone?'

'The thing in River Pass...threw up some issues. Issues we weren't gonna get past.'

'Bull.' Alex spat, suddenly awake, alert and pissed as hell. 'They were issues you didn't _wanna_ get past. Christ, Dean, we need to be _together_ right now!'

'No we don't!' Dean raised his voice a little, mindful of the sleeping child. 'We can manage just fine on our own. Sam is no good to us in this state.'

'In what state?' Dean didn't reply, and Alex found herself getting angrier and angrier. 'Is this to do with the demon blood, a-and the seal thing? Cos it was me that opened it, Dean! It was me that brought him through. So blame me!'

'No, this is to do with Sam choosing demons over his damn family!' He said, clenching his fists. 'We can't trust him!'

'No. _You_ can't trust him.' Alex said, and Dean's face broke a little.

'Maybe. But he's not safe. He needs to sort himself out.'

'And he does so well at that on his own.'

'You managed.' Dean spat back, and Alex froze.

'Fuck you, Dean Winchester.' She said quietly, and the room fell into silence. Only the beeping of the machines broke the tension, and Dean kept his eyes on his nephew. After a few moments, the door opened and a doctor walked in, followed by a nurse.

'Right. James Winchester.' The doctor smiled in a friendly manner, and Alex tried her hardest to reciprocate. 'Are we going to wake this little guy up?'

'I thought they were setting his shoulder first?' Alex asked, confused. The doctor pulled out some x-ray sheets and shrugged.

'Apparently the damage wasn't as bad as we first thought. It appears to be healing quite well on it's own. Unexpected but it happens sometimes. He is young, Miss Winchester. He'll be fine.' The doctor smiled and looked down at Dean. 'You're the uncle, right?'

'Yeah.' Dean looked up at the doctor. 'So his shoulder is...'

'Mostly, if not completely healed. Now, he'll have some stiffness for a few days, which is typical of laying in one position like this. But he'll make a full recovery and will still be able to do everything a normal child should.' The doctor looked over his chart. 'There were some abnormalities in his blood work, but we're not worried, it was most likely due to stress.'

Dean looked over to Alex and mouthed at her. _Abnormalities?_ Alex shrugged; it was the first she'd heard of it.

'Shall we bring this little guy round?' The doctor asked and Alex stood up, moving back from the bed. The nurse moved forward with a syringe and injected it. Alex shuddered - all this time and she would always hate seeing her boy get injected. She watched and waited, looking to the doctor when nothing happened. He smiled gently. 'This is normal. It might take a few hours for him to fully regain consciousness. In the meantime, we need some paperwork signed, if you don't mind?'

'Yeah, of course.' Alex looked at Dean. 'Will you stay with him?' The anger from moments ago was gone. Dean nodded, a small smile on his face.

'You know I will.'

* * *

Dean was alone with James when Cas reappeared in the room. He frowned, looking around. The hunter looked up, his face weary.

'Where are Sam and Alex?'

'Alex went to go sign some paperwork. I think she had proper health insurance. Which is weird.' Dean shrugged, running a hand down his face. 'Sam...isn't here.'

Castiel stared at him intently. 'Isn't here?'

'He's gone, Cas.'

'Gone?'

'You just gonna repeat everything I say?' Dean said, his tone short. Cas frowned at him and Dean relented. 'Sorry, man. I just, I haven't slept in a few days.'

Cas nodded. 'I understand. Why don't you get some rest? I can watch over James until Alex returns. I thought they were supposed to be awakening him tonight.' Dean nodded.

'They already gave him the stuff to counteract the sedative. Said his shoulder is practically fine.' Dean yawned. 'Maybe they got how bad it was wrong. They said he doesn't need it setting or anything.' Castiel frowned. 'Anyway, I'll get some zee's here. You keep watch.' He leant back in his seat, ignoring the angel, and shutting his eyes. Cas moved around the bed to take the chair previously occupied by Alex. His thoughts ran over the information, the seemingly uninjured shoulder. He had seen the damage himself - there was no way the boy could have recovered so quickly.

He remembered what Bobby had said about the white light when he and Alex had...touched. Had that done something? Had the remnants of the grace inside her reacted to his dimmed grace? There was no way to prove it without..._that _happening again, and he was fairly certain that was a bad idea.

The door opened and Alex walked in with two coffees in her hands. She paused as she saw Cas had returned, and offered him a tentative smile. She looked over at her brother and frowned. 'Was he asleep when you got here?'

'No. I took over watching James for him. He was tired.'

'He ain't the only one.' Alex mumbled, placing the coffee next to Dean. It'd be cold when he awoke, but it was the thought that counted right? She sipped at her own drink, standing beside her brother awkwardly.

'You can sit next to me, Alex. I will not...be inappropriate.' Cas' voice was quiet, and Alex shuddered. _You're not the problem._ She cursed her own thoughts.

'No, it's okay. If I sit down, I'll just fall asleep and I should be awake when James wakes up.'

'The doctor says he has made progress?' Cas asked, his eyes drawn to the blonde boy in the bed. Alex nodded.

'His shoulder is fine, which was weird. They said there were some abnormalities in his blood, but they weren't concerned...'

'Abnormalities?' The angel questioned, and Alex looked over at him.

'They didn't really...it was technical language. I'm not good with doctor crap. Dean was always better with it. He's a closet Grey's Anatomy fan.'

'I thought he preferred Doctor Sexy M.D.' Castiel said, nonchalantly, which made Alex bust out giggling. He tilted his head when her laughter didn't cease and she had to put her drink down. She was laughing so hard she was struggling to keep quiet, and Cas looked at her in confusion. 'I don't understand why that was funny.'

'It -' She gasped. 'It wasn't - really - I -' She practically snorted. 'Just - oh god -' Within a split second the laughter turned to sobs, and she was openly crying. Castiel panicked for a moment, and without thinking, he went to her side, reaching out to touch her arm. He wasn't sure how to be comforting in this instance, but Alex flung herself into his arms and sobbed harder. 'I'm sorry.' She whispered in between choked gasps of air. 'It's just - Sam's gone. James isn't awake. Bobby is paralysed and I should - I should be dead, Castiel! I ended the world!'

He wrapped his arms around her, trying to be soothing but she was shaking and crying and he didn't know what to do. 'Alex, it is okay. We will figure this out.'

She looked up at him from where her head was buried against his suit jacket. 'You promise?' She sounded so young, and she was compared to him, he supposed. With what he hoped was a comforting smile, he raised a hand to brush away the dark hair from her forehead.

'I promise.' He said and as his finger touched her forehead, she tensed. She locked her eyes with his, and he found himself bending down to kiss her again. They were millimetres apart when a groggy voice called out and whatever connection between them was broken.

'Mommy?'

Alex snapped back to herself and Cas stepped away, both of them looking towards the bed. 'James?'

'Mommy!' James' voice sounded a bit stronger. He coughed. Cas looked around and saw the water pitcher, grabbing a cup and filling it.

'Hey, sweetie. Don't rush to talk okay? You've been asleep a while.' She took the cup from Cas, conscious not to touch his outstretched fingers. 'Here, drink this.' She passed the youngster the cup and he went to gulp it down. 'Take it slow, hon. Don't choke.' He obeyed and took small sips. The cup was gone pretty fast, and Alex took it from him, placing it on the nightstand.

'How long was I asleep, Mommy?' James said. 'I still feel tired.'

'The doctor said you would for a while, baby. You're gonna be okay though. You just had a bump.'

'The demon lady hurt my arm.' He said, trying to twist his head to look. 'It doesn't hurt now.'

'You're all better, sweetheart.' Alex smiled, feeling tears welling up in her eyes again. 'You're gonna be fine.' James smiled a little, and looked over at Dean, asleep in the chair.

'Is Uncle Dean okay?' James asked. 'Granpa was hurting him, then Granpa hurt himself.'

'Remember what we talked about, baby? About demons and how they can make people do things they don't wanna do? That happened to Granpa Bobby. But he's okay.' _More or less._ 'He's a bit different now, but he still loves you, kay?' James nodded. 'And Uncle Dean is fine, he's just tired. We'll wake him up in a bit and he'll be really happy to see you're okay, yeah?'

James nodded, his eyes finding Cas in the dim room. 'Castiel?' He asked, and the angel stepped forward, a smile on his face. That smile he only had for James. Alex glanced at him, but was quickly back to drinking in her son.

'I'm here.' The angel said, moving to James side, but staying behind his mother.

'You're not gonna go away again are you?'

Cas shook his head. 'No. No. I'm going to stay for as long as you want me to.'

James yawned widely. 'Is...' His eyelid drooped. Alex knew he wouldn't be awake for long. 'Is forever okay?' A lump appeared in her throat as she tried not to look at Cas. She took James' hand, squeezing it gently. 'Is it?' The boy repeated, his words slurring slightly.

'Forever is fine, James.' Cas' low voice replied, and Alex closed her own eyes briefly, feeling his presence behind her.

'That's good.' James smiled sleepily, and Alex opened her eyes again, still holding his hand. 'I like...having...a daddy.' He whispered and fell back to sleep.

Alex wished she didn't feel like ice as he spoke, but Cas reached out and covered both their hands with his larger one, and suddenly...

Suddenly she felt warm again.

* * *

**Sioux Falls, June 2009**

It was James' fifth birthday in three days.

They'd been home from the hospital about a month, and in that time, things had changed. Sam had not come home, and Dean was constantly out on hunts. Alex joined him for some of the minor ones, satisfied that James was concealed from angels and protected from demons by the hex bag he constantly had with him. Bobby had adjusted - somewhat - to the use of the wheelchair, and was settling back into the Grandpa role.

Castiel had surprised them the most. He had stuck to his word, and not left, despite his frequently voiced thoughts that finding God was a good idea. He'd only voiced them in front of James once, and the young boy had been confused, saying that God was in Heaven, so why didn't Cas just go and see him. Cas had tried to explain to the boy, but he hadn't understood, and the angel had since refrained from mentioning it in front of him again.

James had slipped into alternating between calling Cas by his name, or calling him "Daddy". Alex couldn't get used to it, although it happened infrequently. The most common occurrence was when he had nightmares about Meg, which happened a lot, and he screamed out for both of them, occasionally for Dean or Bobby. Dean had only been home for a couple of the nightmares, and they upset him as much as they did James, and Alex knew it was because he felt he had failed in protecting the boy.

One particularly bad nightmare, shortly after he had arrived home, Cas hadn't been inside the house. He had gone for the night, checking out demon whispers and rumours, making sure James was safe. When James screamed out, he hadn't been able to enter, as the wards had been restored whilst he was away, and Alex had been in the panic room researching. Bobby couldn't get up the stairs, and Dean had been the only one about. He'd run, faster than he'd run in his life, and found the little boy thrashing about in his blankets. Within seconds he was at his side, gathering him into his arms and trying to coax him into wakefulness.

'No! No! Granpa!' James screamed, and Dean held him tightly as he struggled against the demons in his memory.

'Dean! Everything okay?' Bobby's voice came up the stairs.

'Get Alex!' Dean called back. 'Tell her to break the wards!' He turned his attention back to James. 'Come on, kiddo. You're okay. You're safe.' He felt himself trembling, reminded that he had not stopped Meg, that James' broken bones and tortured nightmares were his fault.

'I want Daddy!' The shriek was ear piercing and Dean flinched. He rocked back and forth with James in his arms, and the boy began to quieten. Alex thumped up the stairs and into the bedroom, rushing to them but Dean raised a hand.

'It's okay. It's going away.' He said quietly. Alex nodded, taking a seat at the end of the bed. James was opening his eyes slowly and he looked up at his mom, tears still tracing a path down his cheeks. Dean pulled back and looked down at his nephew. 'You okay buddy?' James nodded.

'Is Cas here?' The boy asked.

'I called him, James. He'll come. You know he will. He was just out making sure you are safe.'

'Okay.' James said, but he was already falling back to sleep. Alex looked over at Dean, who was white as a sheet. She reached out and touched his arm, and he smiled weakly at her. James passed out again, and he laid the boy back down, pulling the duvet over him. They both sat in silence, watching the smallest Winchester drift off into more childish and pleasant dreams.

'He knows Cas is his dad?' Dean said slowly.

'I never told him.' Alex replied. 'Maybe he overheard, or he guessed. But we never denied it after the hospital.' She sighed. 'In his defence, Cas is sticking around, Dean.'

'He said you kissed.' Dean said suddenly, and his sister blushed furiously.

'Huh?'

'Back when everything...when the angels took me. He said you kissed him and it changed his mind.' He looked at her, green eyes to green eyes and she sighed.

'Yeah. We did.' She waited for the patented "I'm your big brother speech". Instead Dean stood, leaning over and kissing his sister firmly on the forehead.

'Just be careful, sis.' He whispered. She nodded and watched him head for the door.

'Dean?' She called out. He turned. 'It wasn't your fault. None of this...you always did the best you could, okay?' His jaw clenched as he absorbed this, and he nodded, his movements tight. 'James loves you. He will never blame you.'

'Should have done better.' Dean choked out, and Alex shook her head.

'You're only human, Dean. Don't forget that.'

Somehow, her words felt harsh to him, and he nodded once more before turning and leaving.

That had been over three weeks ago, and since then, the wards hadn't been reconstructed against angels, and Dean was out more and more often. Cas stuck close to the Singer residence, and Alex only took the hunts that were less than half a day away. Bobby had taken to letting James sleep downstairs in his room with him if it was just the two of them for the night, and it lessened the nightmares a little. On the odd occasion, when James couldn't keep them away, Castiel sat with him all night, making sure he could sleep without fear.

Alex often wondered if she should seek some help, but how could she tell a doctor that her son had been attacked by demons and now he was constantly terrified of them.

So instead, she threw herself into his birthday. He didn't have any actual friends he could have over, since they were home schooling him, but they could have cake and presents with just the family. Maybe it would give him some sense of normalcy. God knows the weapons training and lore lessons weren't, but Alex agreed they were more than necessary now.

She and Cas avoided contact. They hadn't spoken about what had happened at the hospital, nor had they spoken about the fact that James knew he was his father. Alex didn't want to talk about it, and thought it best left alone, but she caught the long looks he was often giving her, and she knew she was guilty of the same thing. Bobby made comments here and there about unresolved issues that needed talking out, or a night locked in the panic room, but one dirty look usually shut him up.

He never seemed to mention it around Dean.

It was the night before James' birthday when Cas came back to the house with a grim look on his face.

'What's wrong?' Dean asked straight away. The angel looked at him pensively.

'Raphael has come to earth.' The way he said it was ominous, and Alex was suddenly very grateful that James had gone to bed an hour ago.

'What does that mean?' She questioned tentatively.

'Is it not good. But it could present an opportunity.'

'For what?' Bobby piped up.

'Information. If we could trap Raphael...'

'Nope. Not happening.' Alex said. 'If you're starting on the God thing again...'

'I only bring it up because he is close. This is a rare opportunity, Alex. If Dean and I -'

'I said no.' She slammed her cup down on the kitchen side. 'It's too dangerous. Dean's been going off half-cocked -'

'Hey!' Her big brother interjected.

'-As it is. I'm not having either one of you put yourselves in danger. Especially not tonight. It's James birthday tomorrow, and unlike the rest of us, he has always had nice birthdays, which is a tradition I am not ruining. Telling him that his father and uncle have skipped out to angel chase, or god forbid that you're _dead_, is _not_ a nice birthday present.' She took a breath, and noticed Castiel was staring at her wide eyed. 'What?'

'I forgot.'

'Forgot what?' She asked, and then he was gone. She threw he hands up in the air. 'Oh for f-'

'Hey!' Dean said. 'What the hell you mean, half-cocked?'

Alex turned a scowl on him. 'You. And your hunts. I've watched you, remember? You're like a friggin' machine.'

'That's probably a good thing.' He quipped back and she shook her head.

'Not if you don't address underlying issues, you idjit!' She was so close to losing her temper. Bobby seemed to sense this, and wheeled himself out of the vicinity. Dean was glaring at her. 'Sam called today.' She dropped it so casually, it was almost comical when his eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline.

'What?'

'He had a job. Wanted us to send some hunters up.'

'And? Can he not handle it himself?'

'Said he's out.'

Dean blinked. 'Out? As in...'

'He's trying the Joe Normal thing I guess.'

'Because that worked so well last time.' Dean scoffed, swigging at his beer. Alex stomped over to him and slapped him round the head.

'He should be _here_, Dean. He should be with us. He should be sitting down for cake and dumb party games and watching that stupid Cars film again, and again. But he's not. Because you're an arrogant asshole that can't talk through his problems!' She threw a dishcloth at him as he rubbed where she'd hit him. 'You can't fix everything by salting and burning it, Dean Winchester!'

'Okay! Okay! Jeez, no need to go postal on me.'

Alex scowled. 'You know what? I'm going to bed.' She went to leave the room, then paused. 'Don't go angel hunting, Dean. Please. Stay here.'

'I'm not going anywhere, Lex.' The old nickname slipped out, and she smiled. 'Sleep well, sis.'

For once that night, she did.

* * *

When James woke up excited and jumping around like a normal child, Dean groaned and pulled the covers over his head. But peace was coming to him this morning. He sat up and smiled enthusiastically at his nephew, who ran in and out of every room, proclaiming loudly that he was now five and was a grown up. Dean chuckled and pulled on his boots, heading out of his room and down the hall. Alex appeared from her room, looking the picture of freshness with her normally free and slightly messy brown lock pulled back into a ponytail. He squinted at her as he passed.

'Are you wearing _make up?_' He asked, mock horror in his tone. Alex whacked his arm.

'Shut up. I normally take photos on his birthday, and I don't wanna look awful for them.' She stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed, following the sounds of James down the stairs. Cas was in the living room, smiling at the boy, who was gaping at the presents stacked on the sofa. Alex had snuck most of them down before she'd gone to bed.

Bobby wheeled himself in, and Alex arrived last, having thrown on a shirt over the top of her camisole. She smiled at her dysfunctional family, and bent down to James.

'What do you want for breakfast, mister? Remember, birthday breakfast is anything you want.'

'Pancakes! With chocolate syrup!' He yelled, and Dean flinched, covering his ears a little.

'Whoa, turn down the volume, little guy.'

James looked up at his sheepishly. 'Sorry. I got excited.' He brightened. 'Is Uncle Sammy coming today?'

Alex looked between Dean and Bobby. 'I don't think so, sweetheart. Uncle Sammy is just real busy at the moment. I know he sent you something though.'

'Oh.' The look of dejection on his face made her wanna march to the bar Sam was working in and drag him home by his ear. But she couldn't. She just had to deal. Lucky it was easy to distract a five year old.

'Hey, how about you get one present before breakfast?'

That did it.

The day passed in a blur of wrapping paper, cake, toy cars and games. Dean seemed to really relax and enjoy his downtime for a change, especially when Alex presented James with the Scalextrix she'd got for him. Setting it up didn't take long, and Bobby grumbled about losing his living room to a bunch of tiny cars when there were plenty in the yard he could have played with, but even he enjoyed watched Dean and James race their cars around and resort to tickle fights when they couldn't agree who had won. Cas hadn't quite gotten to grips with the toy, but he had very much enjoyed the cake and had been the first to volunteer to watch Cars with James when the boy grew tired in the late afternoon.

'You said you'd forgotten.' Alex had asked him in the kitchen.

'I don't keep track of dates very well.' He'd admitted. 'I had forgotten to get a present for James.'

'What did you get him?'

'I was going to give it to him when he went to bed.'

She watched from the doorway as the boys watched the film. Dean was engrossed in it again, which made her smile. Cas was alert, with James sandwiched in between them, almost dozing. Even Bobby was watching. She slipped out, moving into the hallway. It would be bedtime soon, and she was very curious as to what Cas had gotten their son.

_Their son._

Still sounded weird.

'Mommy?' James' little feet padded down the hall. 'Mommy, I'm tired.'

It was pretty late, so she scooped him up. 'Cas?' She called gently. 'James is going to bed.' The angel got up from the sofa, leaving Dean and Bobby to watch the film. Alex chuckled as she went up the stairs and caught a glimpse - neither of them were moving to turn it off.

As she went into James' bedroom and pulled out his favourite pyjamas, Castiel came in and shut the door. Alex glanced at him briefly, and then continued getting James ready for bed. 'Hey sweetie. Cas has a present for you. He wanted you to have it before bed.'

'We need to open the window.' The angel said quietly, and James looked at them both curiously.

'Ooookay.' Alex said, moving to pull the window open. She waited for him to say anything else, but he knelt down to James and smiled at him.

'We need to stand by the window. This is a very special present, James, and it's the only one out there.'

'Okay.' James rubbed his eyes a little and padded over to stand next to his mom. Cas reached inside his trenchcoat and pulled out a small box. He held it out, and Alex eyed it carefully. It was maybe half the size of a margarine tub, but it was shaped like a ring box.

When he opened it, she gasped as the room was filled with light, but not the blinding kind like angels gave off. This light was warm and comforting, and it made her feel like she was floating. James looked at it in wonder.

'This is starlight, James.' The angel explained. 'It is very rare, and very precious.'

'What does it do?'

'Well, what it does is very special. Once upon a time this was used to guide three wise men to a baby boy. This piece however, is going make sure we can always find you, so you will be safe.' He looked up at Alex. 'If we all hold it together, and let it go out the window, it will find a place in the sky and we will always be able to find each other.' Alex nodded, tears gathering in her eyes.

Cas very carefully pulled the light from the box and held it out. James reached out gingerly, and touched it, giggling when he did. 'It's really warm.' The angel smiled.

'It knows you know. We just need your mommy to touch it.'

Alex knelt down next to her son and the angel, and reached out, letting her finger come into contact with the light. Warmth buzzed through her, and she looked up to Castiel. In that moment, his blue eyes seemed to burn through her and she shivered. 'It is warm.' She gasped out. Cas took James' hand and held it out, placing the light in the middle.

'You need to let it go to the sky, James.' He said quietly, and the boy nodded, holding his hand out of the window.

The three of them watched as the light floated up out of James' palm, and went further and further until it was absorbed by the sky. 'So, wherever I am, I'll be able to find you and mommy?'

'Yes, James. You will always be protected.'

A bright smile lit up his face, and he threw his arms around Cas' neck, holding him tight. 'I love you, daddy.'

For a moment, time stood still, and Alex watched with wide eyes as a range of emotions she'd never seen on him before, passed over the angel's face. Then he relaxed and hugged James' back. 'I love you too.' He whispered quietly, but his eyes were on hers.

James let go and climbed into bed. 'Love you, mommy.' Alex smiled fondly and bent down, pulling the covers up over him and kissing his forehead. She shut the window quickly, and switched his nightlight on.

'Love you too, sweetheart.' She whispered, before ushering Cas out of the room.

A phone rang somewhere downstairs, but they didn't acknowledge it. 'That was...really something, Cas.' Alex said as she shut James' bedroom door.

'I wanted to get him something no one else would ever have.' The angel mumbled. 'It seemed appropriate and useful.'

'It was...it really was...' She reached out and took his hand. That familiar warmth spread through her like wildfire, and she took a breath. 'Cas...'

'Alex?'

She moved closer, pressing up against him. Her lips found his and he groaned as they sank into each other. For long moments they kissed, and then he pulled away a little.

'Maybe we should...'

'Don't say stop.' She pleaded. 'There's something here, Cas. Tell me you feel it.'

He slipped his arms around her. 'I do. But...this could be dangerous.'

'I don't think our lives can get any more dangerous.' She said, kissing him again. 'Please, Cas.' Alex pulled back looking into his eyes. 'Stay with me tonight.'

As she pulled him towards her room, Castiel found he couldn't fight back.


	14. Chapter 14

**The ensuing smut is dedicated to River Winters, the inspiration for this entire thing really (By the way, if you haven't read Song Remains The Same, you basically haven't _lived_, so go read it. And have chocolate and kleenex ready). The angst is dedicated to Tash, who will probably tell me off for it. And this is your serious angst warning right here. Sorry (not sorry).**

**Usual disclaimers etc. This is currently unbeta'd so mistakes are my own. I know this chapter is a bit longer, but I just started and couldn't...quite...stop. Whoops.**

**I'd like to thank Led Zepplin, Def Leppard and Lynyrd Skynrd for the soundtrack to writing this. And my two year old daughter for making it take me seven hours to write (pulling the thermostat control dial off of the wall was just _fantastic_, thanks).**

* * *

**Sioux Falls, June 2009 (is it?)**

He wasn't sure how he'd gotten back to sleep after his conversation with Sam, seeing as his heart felt like it had been replaced by a lead weight. But he had managed it, and thankfully his dreams had been hell free. It seemed to always be that way when he was here, the only place he could really call home. With Alex and James around, the need for stability had become a little more pressing, and the Singer Yard had become that stability for them. Whilst he'd been out and about on hunts, the familiarity of the house when he came back, when he sank into his bed; that was what made it home.

So when he opened his eyes to a gaping hole in the ceiling above him, and a cold chill blowing through the house, he naturally panicked.

Bolting upright, he looked around, wondering if some storm had hit and he'd slept through it. But the sun shone through the window, and the hole looked as though it had been there a while. The room and it's contents were rusty and dust covered, and Dean frowned.

'Jeez, how long was I asleep?' He muttered to himself. He stood up, turning to reach under his pillow for his gun, only to find his pillow, and his weapon, were both gone. He scowled, wondering, for the seventh time since he woke up, what the hell was going on? 'Alex!' He yelled, moving to the doorway. No answer came from down the hall, and as he gripped the door handle, the entire door came away from the rotted frame and fell to the floor, narrowly missing Dean as he jumped back to avoid it. 'Seriously? What the hell?'

He stepped over the damaged wood, his eyes darting around the frame, waiting for anything else to fall on him. He moved over to Alex's room, noting that the floorboards were a lot creakier than they used to be, and the carpet was worn through in places. He opened the door to his sister's bedroom, hoping this door wouldn't fall off aswell, and his eyes widened.

The bed was overturned, and the room generally looked like a tornado had gone through it. Whoever had left it, had left it in a hurry and it was a long while ago, judging by the dust that covered everything in sight. He turned, concern flooding his veins as he rushed to James' room and found it in a similar mess. On the floor lay one discarded toy car; Mater, one of his favourites. Dean's heart clenched as he bent down and picked the car up, inspecting it. There was dried blood on the windscreen of the toy and Dean felt sick seeing it.

What the hell had happened? Where the hell was he?

He slipped the car into his pocket and checked the rest of the house, looking for signs of life, or weapons if possible. He found Bobby's wheelchair upturned with bullet holes and blood stains all down it, and he righted it, looking around. He moved to the mantelpiece, pulling out the hidden journal Bobby kept there. Flicking through the pages, he found a photo of Bobby, stood with Cas and Alex, and a couple other hunters he didn't recognise. He wasn't in the photo, and neither was James. Bobby and the three other hunters were smiling, and Cas and Alex stood close together, the angel's arm slung round his sister's shoulders as they practically glared at the camera.

Dean recognised this pose. This was the standard role call for a big fight. So where was he? Where was James? Where was Sam?

_Sam's gone because you told him to stay away._

He shut his eyes tight for a second, then looked at the photo again. The time stamp said "03.08.2011". He frowned.

It was 2009. Yesterday had been James' birthday. He was five. How did this work out?

He threw the photo down and headed for the door, surveying the yard. Most of Bobby's cars remained here, but he couldn't see his beloved Impala. He did see Alex's rusty old Ford, and moved over to it, picking the door lock easily. Within five minutes he was hotwiring the vehicle and moving off. The photo had shown a place called "Camp Chitaqua", so he was going to try there first and see if he could figure out what was going on.

As the day got darker, and he felt like he'd been driving for ages, he noticed the quarantine signs everywhere. He drove through a town in the middle of nowhere and saw a pack of red eyed men, taking down and slaughtering each other. He knew this - he'd seen it before. As he cruised past a lone brick wall, that may have once been part of a house, his suspicions were confirmed.

"Croatoan" adorned the wall in big red letters, and he paled a little, staring at it as he went past.

'"Croatoan pandemic reaches Australia."'

The voice startled Dean, until he realised who it was and he scowled. 'I thought I smelled your stink on this _Back To The Future_ crap.' Zachariah smiled at him, turning the pages of the newspaper.

'"President Palin defends bombing of Houston." Certainly a buyer's market in real estate. Let's see what's happening in sports. That's right - no more sports. Congress revoked the right to group assembly. What's left of Congress, that is. Hardly a quorum, if you ask me.'

'How did you find me?' Dean demanded.

'It's not hard. Bobby wasn't warded. You haven't exactly been moving around. And someone was too distracted to notice the presence of another angel in the house.' His wiggled his eyebrows, and Dean just glared at him, not considering what he was suggesting.

'Okay, well, good, great. You have had your jollies. Now send me back, you son of a bitch.'

Zach chuckled dryly. 'Oh, you'll get back—all in good time. We want you to marinate a bit.'

'Marinate?'

'Three days, Dean. Three days to see where this course of action takes you.' The angel put the paper down.

The hunter's brow furrowed. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

'It means that your choices have consequences. This is what happens to the world if you continue to say "no" to Michael. Have a little look-see.'

And he was gone. Dean hit the steering wheel in frustration, snarling out a curse. He _really_ hated Zachariah.

A few hours more of driving, and it was near to midnight. He'd found the camp, and had abandoned the old Ford about a mile away in some trees. He made the rest of the trek on foot, and it didn't take long to find the sign where the photo had been taken. It was more overgrown than it had been in the photo, and he looked around quickly, moving to the fence to look inside. There were signs of life, and he ducked back as two men walked past with rifles slung over their shoulders.

Then he spotted her.

The Impala sat in the middle of some weeds, some of which had looped through the frame. She was rusted out, three of the wheels missing and both front doors gone. The boot was popped open and the bonnet dented. His heart just about broke. Within moments he was over the fence, running in a crouch towards his beloved, his hands coming into contact with her rusted paintwork.

'Oh, no, baby...what did they do to you?'

He moved around to the drivers side, seeing the box of cassettes he kept on the floor were still there. The box was ratty and the tapes looked unusable. The steering wheel was almost hanging off. He reached out, but a sound from behind him caught his attention and he turned, coming face to face with himself.

And the butt of a gun.

* * *

**Camp Chitaqua, November 2014**

When he opened his eyes this time, he was handcuffed to a ladder, slumped on a wooden floor that was way less comfortable than his bed. He groaned and looked around, shocked to see _himself_ sat across the room, cleaning a standard issue military Beretta M9. The other him barely glanced up as Dean rattled the handcuffs.

'What the hell?'

'I should be asking that question, don't you think? In fact, why don't you give me one good reason why I shouldn't gank you right here and now?' Future!Dean looked pissed as hell. And Dean only knew one way to reply to his question.

'Because you'd only be hurting yourself?' He quipped, and Future!Dean scowled.

'Very funny.'

Dean pulled at the cuffs again. 'Look, man - I'm no shapeshifter or demon or anything, okay?'

Future!Dean stood up, placing the pistol in the holster at his hip. He stood straight and Dean looked at his attire, noting the lack of leather jacket, the necklace Sam had given him was gone, and he seemed _harder_. Not like he was now. 'Yeah, I know. I did the drill while you were out. Silver, salt, holy water—nothing. But you know what was funny? Was that you had every hidden lockpick, box cutter, and switchblade that I carry. Now, you want to explain that? Oh, and the, uh, resemblance, while you're at it?'

'Zachariah.' It was the only word that was needed, and Future!Dean was on alert instantly.

'Come again?'

'I'm you from the summer of 2009. Zach plucked me from my bed and threw me five years into the future.'

'Where is he? I want to talk to him.'

'I don't know.' Dean replied to his future self, who looked less than impressed with that.

'Oh, you don't know.' He didn't believe him.

'No, I don't know. Look, I just want to get back to my own friggin' year, okay?' Dean struggled against the chains.

'Okay. If you're me, then tell me something only I would know.'

Dean thought for a moment, then smiled as a particular memory came to mind. 'Rhonda Hurley. We were, uh, nineteen. She made us try on her panties. They were pink. And satiny. And you know what?' He leant forward conspiratorially. 'We kind of liked it.'

Future!Dean regarded him for a moment, then tilted his head to the side. 'Touché. So, what, Zach zapped you up here to see how bad it gets?'

He shrugged. 'I guess. Croatoan virus, right? That's their endgame?'

'It's efficient, it's incurable, and it's scary as hell. Turns people into monsters. Started hitting the major cities about two years ago. World really went in the crapper after that.' He turned back to the table, picking up various items he'd been cleaning the gun with.

'What about Sam?' Dean asked. 'And Alex? James?'

The other man went still as death, and Dean felt an icy grip around his heart. 'Heavyweight showdown in Detroit. From what I understand, Sam didn't make it.'

Dean blinked a couple of times. 'You weren't with him?'

'No. No, me and Sam, we haven't talked in - hell, five years.' Future!Dean looked back to him. He didn't seem to bothered by the fact. Dean, however, was very bothered.

'We never tried to find him?'

Future!Dean shrugged. 'We had other people to worry about.' He turned towards the door.

'Where you going?'

'I got to run an errand.' He reached out to take hold of the door handle.

'Whoa. You're just gonna leave me here?'

'Yes. I got a camp full of twitchy trauma survivors out there with an apocalypse hanging over their head. The last thing they need to see is a version of _The Parent Trap_. So, yeah, you stay locked down.'

'Okay. All right. Fine. But you don't have to cuff me, man. Oh, come on. You don't trust yourself?' He raised his eyebrows and Future!Dean chuckled without humour.

'No. Absolutely not.' He walked out the door and Dean glared at the offending portal.

'Dick.' He muttered, and his eyes drifted to the floor. He spied a nail in the floorboards and his eyes lit up.

Five minutes later, he was stood, out of the cuffs, grinning widely. He moved towards the door, wishing the other Dean had at least left one gun behind. His only hope was to find Alex or Cas; hopefully one of them was still alive. Instead, as he stepped cautiously out into the camp, he bumped into Chuck, who greeted him.

'Hey, Dean. You got a second?'

* * *

Chuck and the woman - whose name he couldn't remember - hadn't seemed to pick up on anything, and he'd gotten the locale of Cas' cabin pretty quickly from them. Without sparing a second, he sprinted to the cabin that Chuck had pointed out, creeping up to the door. The smell of incense wafted through the doorway and he wrinkled his nose at the smell. There was another smell underneath it, and Dean's eyes widened. He'd smelt it before.

He stuck his head through the door and saw Cas sat on the floor, alone, a joint in his hand. Dean cleared his throat and Castiel looked up, smiling in a very stoned manner as he regarded the hunter.

'Dean.' He nodded his head slightly, then placed the joint in an ashtray and stood, clicking his back as he stretched. Dean looked around the cabin, then back to the angel.

'What are you, a hippie?'

'I thought you'd gotten over trying to label me.' He fixed Dean with a dopey grin and then stepped back a little.

'Cas, we gotta talk.'

'Whoa. Strange.'

'What?' Dean demanded.

'You...are not you. Not now you, anyway.' He eyed his friend slowly.

'No! Yeah. Yes, exactly.' The hunter said, raising a hand to his head in relief.

'What year are you from?'

'2009.'

'Who did this to you? Is it Zachariah?'

'Yes.'

'Interesting.' Castiel mused, reaching down for the joint. Dean gaped at him in surprise.

'Oh, yeah, it's friggin' fascinating. Now. Why don't you strap on your angel wings and fly me back to my page on the calendar? June seventh. Make it snappy.'

Cas froze, looking over at Dean slowly. 'June...seventh?' Dean frowned and nodded. 'Oh.' Cas put the joint down. 'I wish I could just "strap on my angel wings" Dean, but I can't do that.' He looked over at the Winchester. 'I'm not an angel any more.'

Dean slumped a little. _Crap_. 'Okay. Man, you are stoned.'

'Generally, yes.' Cas agreed.

'What happened?'

'That is a long...and involved story.' He replied. Dean waited, but Cas didn't seem to be forthcoming.

'Cas, where are Alex and James? I know Sam's gone. But the other, not so pleasant me, he didn't say anything about them.'

Pain ripped across Cas' face and he turned away. 'I - I can't, Dean.'

'Can't what? Where's my friggin' family, Cas? What happened to them?' Dean was almost shouting now, oblivious to the distress the other man was in.

'James is gone.' Cas shouted back. 'We couldn't keep him safe. Lucifer took him.' He took a shuddering breath. 'Lucifer took him.'

'He...took...' Dean shook his head. 'No...no. We wouldn't let that happen!'

'Well it did. James went with him, willingly. Alex...Alex...' Cas looked like he was going to break. 'Lucifer used her against us. No one knows what happened to her.'

'How long?' Dean asked. 'How long ago?'

Cas ran a hand down his face, trying hard not to cry. 'It was September twenty ten. Alex disappeared six months before. We moved around, tried to keep James safe but...we failed. We failed.' He met Dean's eyes with his own red rimmed, dulled ones. 'We were not good enough.'

Dean stared, unable to accept it. Finally, he turned and left the cabin, and Castiel collapsed back to the floor, ignoring the still smouldering blunt in the ashtray. He hung his head in his hands and felt more tired than he had in years. The drugs helped, at times, but he knew there was no solution. Maybe if he were stronger he'd kill himself, but he couldn't bear to do it. As much as the elder Winchester hated him for reminding him, Dean was the last left, and he still felt that it was his duty to try and protect him.

Even if he'd failed so miserably at protecting the others.

He'd failed at protecting his son.

Past Dean had said it was June the seventh. June the seventh two thousand and nine. Castiel remembered that day well. It the was the first time the sun had come in through the window onto them, and Alex had woken up in his arms, her green eyes piercing him with something a thousand times more powerful than anything he'd ever felt.

June the seventh was the morning after they had first made love.

_'Please Cas, stay with me tonight.' Her words had rendered him incapable to fight back as she'd taken his hand and pulled him towards her room. She'd moved back in there when James had come home from the hospital, realising that her continued habit of sleeping in the same room as her son was not something she could do for the rest of his life. And it was a good decision in retrospect of the way she was touching him..._

_Unusual but not unpleasant sensations buzzed through his skin as he let her push the trench coat and suit jacket off of his shoulders. Without those pieces of clothing - his armour - he felt vulnerable, but her fingers made quick work of the buttons on his shirt and then her hands were on his chest, and he no longer felt that weakness. If anything, her heated kisses, the running of her slender palms across his skin, made him feel like he no longer needed the wings to fly._

_His own hands were moving now, not that he really had any clue what to do, but he was pushing the plaid shirt down her arms, his fingers moving to grip the hem of her camisole, pulling it over her head. As he did so, she reached up and pulled the elastic that was holding her hair up, and it tumbled free, cascading around her shoulders. Stood there in her pants and bra, Cas drew a breath, pulling her flush against him. Alex reached around and unclasped her bra, letting it fall down her arms, and their bare chests were touching as she got rid of his shirt._

_Cas wrapped his arms around her - and God, she was so _warm_ - and deepened the kiss, moving her back towards the bed. He had no idea what he was doing here, but the noises she made, the little whimpers and groans as he bent his head and took a nipple into his mouth - he guessed he was doing something right. He'd seen this happen between humans before; his vessel had memories of doing this. Not with Alex, but with others. So now, he used that information and hoped it was not wrong. He didn't want to ask Alex anything - speaking seemed like it would be out of place here, aside from Alex's gasps of his name as he dragged his tongue down her breast and back up to her throat. Her hands tangled in his hair and he grunted a little as she yanked him back up, plunging her tongue into his mouth again._

A knock at the door disturbed Cas from his thoughts, and he looked up with tears running down his face. Risa was at the door, and she looked grumpy as hell. 'You okay, Cas?' She asked, her face softening a little. 'You look...more fucked than usual.'

He smiled forlornly. 'I will be fine.'

'Boss has called a meeting.'

'Okay.'

'He's in a bad mood.' She warned.

'Nothing I haven't dealt with before.'

'Have you dealt with two of them?' Risa asked, leaning against the door frame. 'This is messed up. Never seen anything like it.' She watched as Cas changed his shirt, her eyes wandering over the expanse of his very scarred back. Two identical lines ran down his shoulder blades, and she wondered for the millionth time how he'd come to be so cut up.

'Stop staring, Risa.' Castiel warned, his back still to her.

'Sorry.' She grumbled. 'Five minutes, okay?' She left and Cas groaned as he pulled on a shirt over his back. He'd never told Dean, his Dean, not past Dean, how he'd become fully human. Never told him that when he'd lost James, he'd carved out his own wings. He still had his grace, but without the wings, he had no way to use it. And there was only one way to get his wings back.

Not that it would ever happen.

Castiel sighed and left the cabin.

* * *

Dean sat in the front seat of the Jeep with Castiel, shooting the former angel glances every now and then. When Cas had leant forward and pulled some pills from the glove box, Dean grabbed them and inspected the bottle.

'Amphetamines.' He read in disbelief. What the hell had happened to this guy?

'It's the perfect antidote to giving a shit.' Cas grinned. It was fairly clear he was already off his face.

Dean shook his head. 'Mmm. Don't get me wrong, Cas. I, uh, I'm happy that the stick is out of your ass, but - what's going on? The drugs, the joints, the sarcasm...it's not you.' Castiel laughed hard at that and Dean scowled. 'What's so funny?'

'Dean, I'm not _me_ anymore. At least, not the angel you knew.'

'What?'

'Yeah.' Cas sighed. 'I went mortal.'

'What do you mean? How?' Castiel took a breath, wondering how to tell him. He knew Dean didn't have all the facts. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to tell him.

_Alex was breathing heavily and erratically as he pulled her jeans down her legs and moved back up to cover her with his own body. He was clad only in boxer shorts and she had a flimsy pair of girl boxers on. Her hands ran down his back, over his shoulder blades and she stilled for a moment._

_'Cas?' She whispered, and his kisses still for a moment._

_'Yes?'_

_'What is that?' She asked, and he frowned, feeling where her hands had come to rest. 'I can feel...' She ran her hands lightly up and down the inner edge of his shoulder blades. His entire body tensed and a hiss escaped him. 'I'm sorry!' Alex whispered. 'Did I hurt you?'_

_He pushed her down, kissing her hard. 'Far from it.' He panted into her mouth. 'Do it again.'_

_She ran her hands down his shoulder blades again, and he arched slightly, kissing her hard. 'What is that?' She asked again._

_'My wings.' He replied simply, laying a path of kisses down her throat. 'They aren't corporeal on this plane of existence, but I can still feel them. And apparently, because of my grace inside you, you can feel them too.'_

_'I've never felt them before.' She closed her eyes as he found her breasts again, lavishing kisses on first one then the other._

_'We've never been naked together before.' He ripped her panties away._

'Cas!' Dean clicked his fingers in front of his face and Cas jumped a little, swerving the Jeep. The hunter scowled, and Cas smiled sheepishly. 'Jeez, man, where were you?' I asked you how and you just zoned out.'

'I was...remembering something.'

'Oh yeah? Looked hot. What was it?' Dean smirked.

'Your sister.' Cas replied and Dean's face went blank. He looked a little green.

'Dude. Not cool.' The Winchester brother looked away, taking a breath. He did _not_ need to know where Cas' mind had gone that involved his baby sister. That was a world of wrong he didn't need to explore. 'So, you were saying how you became human?'

Castiel didn't look at him, keeping his eyes on the road and for a second, Dean thought he might have zoned out again. Then he spoke, and his words made Dean go still. 'I cut my wings out.'

He wasn't sure what to say. And apparently he didn't need to be, because Castiel carried on talking.

'When Alex was taken, I tried everything to get her back. When it became clear that she was not going to come home, and when James was taken...I broke. I cut my wings out. It nearly killed me. But I didn't deserve what my father gave me; I lost the most precious thing on this earth, and as a result, I am punished.' He took a shuddering breath. 'I never told the other Dean. I wished it had killed me. I do not deserve even this pitiful existence.'

'Cas, man -'

'Don't try to placate me, Dean Winchester. You hate me. I did not protect them adequately. Your sister and nephew are dead or worse because of me. My _son_ is dead because of me. I didn't deserve the title of "angel" and never did.' He spat, and Dean went quiet.

'I'm sorry, man.'

'For what?' His voice was hard and cold now.

'For everything. For becoming a grade A dick.' Dean's voice was soft now. 'For not helping you through this.'

Castiel looked over at him, and for a second, Dean saw the merciless angel in his blue gaze, but it was gone all too soon.

'There is nothing that could help me through this.'

* * *

He'd known this was a trap since his Dean had explained it all. He knew this was doomed from the start - and he didn't care. He had to fight, and maybe he had to die, but it would be worth it. Maybe he'd finally find peace.

Gunfire sounded around him as he ran through the abandoned building and into the foyer leading out to the courtyard. He saw no sign of the others, and he couldn't see any demons or Croats coming at him. So when a fist knocked him sideways and off his feet, he was shocked.

Castiel rolled over, finding his gun kicked away from him, and his head swam; maybe the narcotics had been a bad idea. Especially when he came to a stop on his back and looked up at who had attacked him. She smiled, bending down to run a hand down his face.

_'Cas.' Alex moaned underneath him as his fingers found her wet and wanting already. He pushed one digit into her, and she writhed, repeating his name again and again. His thumb found her clit as he pumped his long finger, making her sweat and pant. 'Oh God, Cas.'_

_'You're so tight...' He mumbled, lips finding her mouth again. 'I'm worried I might hurt you.'_

_'N-nuh, no.' She stuttered and he smiled._

_'You're adorable in the throes of pleasure.' Castiel whispered, sucking a nipple into his mouth, adding another finger to the one already making her writhe. She shrieked, and he briefly wondered if they were being too noisy._

_'Cas, please, I need you.' Alex begged, pushing at his shoulder. 'Please...' He smiled, removing his hand and settling his weight between her legs. He positioned himself and kissed her hard, sliding inside in one long smooth stroke. She arched underneath him and cried out into his mouth, and he paused, letting her adjust for a moment. When she began to move underneath him, he took that as a sign that she was comfortable, and he pulled out, pushing back in at a leisurely pace. He tried to control himself, but she was so tight, wet and _hot_ underneath him, that soon he was moving furiously, intent on pushing her over the edge._

_Alex gasped as the small amount of grace inside her reacted and reached out for him, the heat becoming unbearable as she pleaded with him to go harder, go faster, "don't stop, Cas, please, don't stop, right there, please, oh god, oh god" and he kissed her, silencing her words but not her moans. He felt his own grace pushing outwards, his non-corporeal wings flexing around them, covering them. Something in his stomach curled tight and then exploded, and for a few long seconds, an eternity, they were completely together, one single entity._

_Then the whiteness faded and they were just a mess of limbs on the sweat soaked bed. Alex was panting hard as Castiel pulled away from her, then wrapped his arms around her, so her head was resting on his chest. She smiled lazily, tracing a finger down his breastbone._

_'That was...something.' She said quietly._

_'It was...' He replied, neither of them having much of a grasp on the English language. She yawned widely._

_'You'll stay right?' She asked._

_'For as long as you want me to.' He kissed the top of her head, wondering how far he had fallen and if he really care._

_'How's forever? Is forever okay?' Alex whispered, echoing James' words from the hospital. Castiel smiled as he pulled her tighter, feeling his wings curl around them protectively._

_'Forever is acceptable.'_

'Hello, lover.' Alex purred as she placed a booted foot on his chest, pressing hard enough to make something crack. 'Miss me?'

Castiel's eyes went wide as he took her in. She was skinnier than he remembered, but with more muscle tone. She was dressed head to toe in black; black jeans, with a black camisole and black coat that reached mid-calf. Her hair was darker and her eyes...oh god. Her eyes were _black. Demon._ He struggled and she laughed, pressing harder with the military boot on her foot and this time, _something _broke. He cried out.

'Don't struggle, Castiel. It will only hurt more.'

'Alex...are you still -'

'Oh, don't start with that, lover. She's gone. I'm all that's left. Took a while for her to break. But then she gladly gave in.' The creature that had once been Alex Winchester smiled. 'Bet you're wondering why you never found me.' He didn't reply, and she removed her foot, kneeling down. 'Wasn't hard. You _humans_ are too easy to fool. Right now, Dean-o is getting his neck snapped. By baby brother. Don't worry though. You'll see him soon.'

She looked up, smiling up at something else. Cas followed her gaze and sucked in a wet, bloody breath at the boy standing a few feet away. 'James...' He whispered. The boy looked at him curiously, blonde hair falling over his eyes. He was a lot taller than when Cas had last seen him, but then he was ten now. The t-shirt and jeans he wore was speckled with blood, and his face held no emotion, his bright blue eyes focused on them. Cas tried to reach an arm out, but something sliced into his stomach and he looked down at the knife sticking out of his gut, Alex's hand wrapped tightly around the handle.

'You promised me forever, Castiel. Guess you lied huh?' She whispered, pulling the knife free. Blood pumped from the wound and his vision began to fade. Alex stood up.

'Please...' He gasped. 'Alex...don't.'

'See ya, Cas.' She threw back as she stepped over his immobile body and towards her son, placing a hand on his shoulder. The pair of them walked away.

Cas closed his eyes, letting the darkness take him.

* * *

Dean stared at the corpse of his future self on the floor, neck broken by the angel wearing his brother's meatsuit. Lucifer turned, smiling with Sammy's face, his eyes impossibly cold as he regarded the hunter.

'Aren't you a surprise?' Thunder and lightening cracked the atmosphere and Lucifer disappeared. 'You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?' His voice came from behind Dean, and he turned, seeing Lucifer watching him with that freezing expression.

'Well, go ahead. Kill me.' Dean opened his arms, knowing the gun he held wouldn't do anything. The Colt lay uselessly next to the corpse of his future self, and Dean knew he wasn't quick enough to grab it. Lucifer raised an eyebrow. _Not his eyebrow. Walking around in Sammy. Douchebag._

'Kill you?' The angel looked around him to the corpse on the floor. 'Don't you think that would be a little...redundant?' He sighed, clasping his hands together and then dropping them. 'I'm sorry. It must be painful, speaking to me in this...shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be.' He reached out a hand and went to place it on Dean's shoulder, but he backed away, a disgusted look on his face.

The door behind them from the building opened, and two figures came towards them.

'You don't have to be afraid of me, Dean. What do you think I'm going to do?' Lucifer asked, and Dean had a smart-assed retort all prepared and ready to go, when he realised the darkly dressed woman approaching them was not Meg. Alex smiled as she approached, James trailing behind her.

God, he looked so different. He would be ten now, Dean figured. And boy was he tall. Took after Sammy he guessed.

'Hello, brother.' Alex leered, and her eyes flashed black. 'Long time, no see.'

Lucifer turned, drawing Alex close to him. 'Beautiful in a trillion different ways,' he smiled, and looked to Dean. 'You thought she was dead.'

'They said...'

'You know why God cast me down? Because I loved him. More than anything. And then God created...' He gestured to Dean. 'You. The little...hairless apes. And then he asked all of us to bow down before you - to love you, more than him. And I said, "Father, I can't." I said, "These human beings are flawed, murderous." And for that, God had Michael cast me into hell. Now, tell me, does the punishment fit the crime? Especially, when I was right? Look at what six billion of you have done to this thing, and how many of you blame me for it.'

Dean tried to ignore him, his eyes on his sister. She was practically curled around the devil, looking up at him with those black eyes and his stomach turned. James watched him, his blue gaze fixed on him like a child examining a bug.

'Alex.' Dean whispered, unable to fathom how his sister had become _this._

'Oh, sweetie.' She pouted, peeling herself from Lucifer and walking towards her big brother. 'You were never gonna save us. Would have been better if you'd just burned the house down instead of _trying_. All you ever do, isn't it? _Try _and _fail_. Even Castiel admitted his short comings.' She smiled wickedly. 'Just before I stabbed him in the gut.'

Lucifer chuckled, and Dean pushed Alex away. She laughed, returning to the devil's side, just not so _close_, thank god.

'Now, now Dean. She's still your sister. Just...darker. Another beautiful creation. Left with enough grace that it was easy to twist into something else.' He pulled her back to his side, kissing her roughly. Dean felt like hurling. 'And she gave me a son.' Lucifer gestured to James, who simply stood there, until his mother reached out to him. 'That humanity you gave him really didn't do much in the end. He's the perfect little soldier.' Lucifer turned _Sam's_ cold eyes back to him. 'Just like you were.'

'I know what you are.' Dean snarled.

'You do?' Lucifer replied. _I__n his damn brother's voice, but it wasn't because with Sam there was something, something to show he was human, he was real, he loved, he fought, he died, oh god, he died. And took the rest of my family with him. Took me with him._

Dean shook off the thoughts, tried to calm the rage inside himself and channel it. 'You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing my whole life. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground, supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you is the size of your ego.'

Alex scowled and went to step forward but Lucifer held a hand to her chest, not being discreet as he caressed her flesh. Dean tried not to shudder. The fallen angel looked over at him, a small smile on his - _Sam's_ - lips.

'I like you, Dean. I get what the other angels see in you. Goodbye. We'll meet again soon.' He turned away, pushing Alex in front of him.

'You better kill me now!' Dean shouted, his anger getting the best of me.

Lucifer turned back, his face like cold, hard stone. His eyes flickered to Alex, who nodded and disappeared with James. Lucifer fixed his eyes on the eldest Winchester, raising an eyebrow. 'Pardon?'

'You better kill me now.' He was shaking with rage as he glared at the devil in his brother's body. 'Or I swear, I will find a way to kill you. And I won't stop.'

'I know you won't. I know you won't say yes to Michael, either. And I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up - here. I win. So, I win.' He shrugged.

'You're wrong.' Dean insisted, and he believed it. He damn believed he would find a way.

Lucifer didn't seem to know that.

'See you in five years, Dean.'


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm a little overwhelmed by the response to this fic, I guess I wasn't expecting anyone to like it but you guys do, and I'm blown away by the reviews and PM's I've had. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my little fangirl heart :) also, I'm here writing instead of practising to fail my driving theory test for the third time. I don't test well! I practised twice and I suck, so I've gone back to what I know.**

**Update: When I started writing this, I was dreading my test. But thankfully I PASSED! Which means I'm one step closer to driving, and my dream of a road trip to the US for my thirtieth birthday. Also, anyone catch Misha in the ice bath? Oh my lord, I think I had palpitations!**

**Standard disclaimers apply etc etc unbeta'd so mistakes are my own, only human (possibly some demon possession going on there) y'all know the drill.**

**Warning for smut and fluff of the Calex persuasion.**

* * *

**Sioux Falls, June 2009**

Castiel watched her sleep. She was curled into his side, her skin touching his, and he revelled in her warmth. He didn't need to sleep, but he was more than happy to lay here whilst Alex got some much needed rest. Her dark hair was loose and messy, and she sighed a little as she slept peacefully. He'd looked in on her before now, checking on her, but he'd never seen her so...contented. She usually slept for only a couple of hours and then she was awake again, alert, looking for trouble.

The problem with being a Winchester is that she often found it.

It was the early hours when he heard Dean come out of his room. He moved silently through the house, down into the kitchen. A prickling at Castiel's senses had him tensing. Silently, he slipped from the bed, smiling at the small moan of protest Alex gave when his warm body was replaced by the duvet. She curled back into it, sighing softly.

In a split second, he was dressed and down the stairs. He could feel the other angel now.

'Oh, well, if it isn't the ghost of Christmas _screw_ _you_.' Dean spat.

'Enough. Dean, enough.' Zachariah said, his voice audible through the door. Cas glanced up the stairs; he didn't want Alex or James to wake. 'You saw it, right? You saw what happens. You're the only person who can prove the devil wrong. Just say yes.'

'How do I know that this whole thing isn't one of your tricks? Huh? Some angel hocus-pocus?'

Cas frowned, wondering what they were talking about. He found himself irritated that he'd forgotten to set the wards that night. Zachariah shouldn't have been able to get in here.

The time for tricks is over.' The other angel said. 'Give yourself to Michael. Say yes and we can strike. Before Lucifer gets to Sam. Before he takes your sister and nephew. Before billions die.' Cas froze. _Before he takes Alex? James?_

Silence from the kitchen, and Cas could almost feel the impudence coming from Dean, even if he couldn't see him. 'Nah.' He smiled, knowing Dean would never give in.

''Nah'? You telling me you haven't learned your lesson?' Zachariah was angry now, and Cas felt his angel blade drop into his hand, ready to fight the other angel off.

'Oh, I've learned a lesson, all right. Just not the one you wanted to teach.' Dean was all snark and Castiel knew Zachariah would strike any moment. He moved forward silently, slicing his hand on the angel blade, remembering the sigil hidden behind the old Chinese calendar Bobby had on the kitchen wall. It was old blood, but would work just as well.

'Well, I'll just have to teach it again! Because I got you now, boy, and I'm never letting you -' The door opened and Cas stormed in, glaring at Zachariah.

'I told you not to threaten my son.' His voice was low and vicious as he ripped the calendar from the wall and slammed his hand down. A flash of white and a curse from the balding angel, and he was gone. Castiel turned to Dean. The hunter looked a little out of sorts as he blinked at the angel.

'So...' The human started. 'I've had an...interesting night.'

'I assumed as much.'

'Where did you come from? That was pretty nice timing.'

'I was close.'

Dean's thoughts flashed back to Future!Cas, and he suddenly didn't wanna know. Castiel had gone upstairs with Alex and James, and had never reappeared. He shuddered a little.

'Are you cold?' The angel asked, and Dean smiled.

'Don't ever change.' He replied and Castiel frowned.

'I don't intend to.'

'Would you like to tell me what happened with Zachariah?'

'I will, I will.' He sighed. 'But there's something I gotta do first.' He stood up, pulling his cellphone from his pocket. 'Something I should have done ages ago.'

* * *

Dean sat on the hood of the Impala, James sat next to him. Alex was stood a little way away, watching the river underneath the bridge. When the sound of a car approached down the dirt track came to them, they all looked up, eyes going to the beaten up old brown car that trundled down the road. It pulled up to a stop a few metres from the Impala. The door opened and Sam climbed out, looking over at his family.

James jumped off of the hood of the car and ran to Sam, throwing his arms around his knees. 'Uncle Sammy!'

Sam smiled, kneeling down. 'Hey, kiddo.' He hugged the boy tightly. 'I missed you.'

'I missed you too.' James smiled, and then looked back at his mom. 'Mommy and Uncle Dean missed you too. And Granpa Bobby but he was too grumpy to come.'

'He figured this was a family thing. He wouldn't listen to us.' Alex said, coming up to put her hands on James' shoulders.

'Where's Cas?' Sam asked quietly. Alex smiled, and blushed a little. Her little brother tilted his head at that.

'He's around somewhere.' She shrugged. Dean approached, looking at his little brother; relieved to see him if he was gonna be honest, but he figure Alex was doing enough of the chick flick thing for him.

'Sam.' He nodded and pulled Ruby's knife from his jacket. Sam looked at the blade nervously. Dean held the knife out, handle first to his brother. 'If you're serious and you want back in, you should hang on to this. I'm sure you're rusty.' Sam took the knife with a hard swallow. 'Look, man, I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm...whatever I need to be. But I was, uh - wrong.'

Sam nodded, looking down at the knife. 'What made you change your mind?'

'Long story.' Dean sighed. 'The point is...maybe we are each other's Achilles heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us against each other, I don't know. I just know we're all we've got. More than that. We keep each other human.' He looked round at Alex and James, trying to push away the memory of what he had seen in the future. 'We're family, right?' His sister smiled.

'Thank you. Really. Thank you. I won't let you down.' He smiled at them all. 'Any of you.'

'Oh, I know it. I mean, you are the second-best hunter on the planet.' Dean grinned. Alex rolled her eyes.

'So, what do we do now?'

'We make our own future.' Dean affirmed, looking down as James reached up and grabbed his hand. 'We gank the devil, and live happily ever after. More or less.' Sam nodded, looking down at the knife again.

'Guess we have no choice.'

* * *

'We can't stay at Bobby's.' Dean said, looking over at Alex as they all sat in the smallish booth of the random diner they'd picked for lunch. 'I know it isn't ideal, keeping James on the road all the time. But for now, we need to be moving. The angels know we're at Bobby's. The wards won't hold forever. And Cas can't stand guard outside like some kind of dog.'

'Cas sleeps in Mommy's room.' James added, and Alex dropped her eyes, a red blush spreading over her face.

Sam choked on his coffee. 'He does?' He looked to Dean. 'When did this happen?'

'Cas doesn't _sleep._' Dean glared at his sister. She refused to make eye contact, instead looking to James.

'Honey, what did we say about blurting stuff out?' She scolded lightly.

'To not do it.' James said, poking his bottom lip out. 'I thought it was okay, Mommy. Mommies and daddies are supposed to sleep together, aren't they?'

'Not in the way they're probably doing it.' Sam chuckled under his breath, and Alex's head shot up. Her brother looked away, realising he'd probably crossed a line. Dean elbowed him in the side.

'This isn't talk for the lunch table.' The eldest Winchester said gruffly, taking a bite of his sandwich.

'That's not like you.' Sam pointed out.

'Fine. I just don't wanna hear about it.' Dean swallowed his mouthful, fixing his sister with a look. 'Whatever is going on there, keep it to yourselves. I don't wanna see any PDA. You're a grown woman, I can't tell you what to do.' He shuddered. 'But you're still my baby sister and it's gross.'

'Gee, thanks for the permission, _Dad_.' Alex said, a glower in her eyes. Dean scowled at her.

'Where is Cas anyway?' Sam asked again. 'You said he was around. I thought he'd have shown himself by now.'

'He's...close.' Alex said, looking down at her food. Sam narrowed his eyes and looked to Dean. There was something going on there.

'So, we need to keep moving. Back on the road, back on jobs.' Dean finished his sandwich quickly. 'Nothing as of yet, but we've still gotta find the Colt.'

'Sounds like a good place to start.' Sam agreed. Dean nodded, then stood up.

'I gotta take a leak.' And he strode off. Sam sat still for a moment, then looked over at Alex.

'How is he?' He nodded in James' direction. The boy was intent on colouring the entire worksheet the waitress had given him, in blue. The look of concentration on his face was cute as he stuck his tongue out to the side and scraped the pen across the paper with precision. Well, with as much precision as a five-year-old could muster.

'He's good. Doctor gave him a clean bill of health. His arm isn't gonna give him any trouble.' She smiled, looking down. 'He had a few nightmares but he's not had one for a week or so now.'

'I'm not surprised.' Sam thought back to the demon attack. He'd had a few nightmares himself. One in particular about James' biting a demon and ingesting demon blood. But if Alex said he was fine, then nothing must of come of it. He'd stop worrying.

'You okay being back here? Being back with us?' Alex asked quietly. 'Dean missed you. He's...not been the same without you. None of us have.'

'I'm home now. For good. Won't leave you guys again.'

'Good.' Alex smiled brightly as Dean returned to the table. He ordered another coffee, then sat back down. At that moment, Cas walked into the diner, spotting them quickly and heading over. He pulled a chair over from another table and sat at the head, a little too close to Alex for Dean not to pick up on it and glare a little. Castiel ignored him.

'The area is clear.' He said, and Dean gave him a thumbs up.

'Good job, Fido.'

'Dean.' Alex hissed.

'What? It was a joke.' Her brother held his hands out in mock surrender. 'Anyway, Cas, we're going back on the road. You joining?'

'If I am wanted with you, then yes.' His eyes flickered to Alex's and she smiled at him. Dean caught the exchange and sighed heavily. Sam chuckled. Castiel looked at both of them. 'Did I miss something?'

'Nope.' Sam said innocently, picking his coffee up, trying not to laugh at Dean attempting to become one with the furniture.

* * *

**Dayton, Ohio, August 2009**

Alex was curled up in the back seat of the Impala, James tucked into her, his head underneath her chin. They were wrapped in a thick blanket that Sam had draped over them when they'd both fallen asleep. The boys had agreed to carry on driving through the night to a job Bobby was sending them on in Canton.

'So, what's with this job?' Sam asked, his head turning back to the road.

'Dude suffers a head-on collision in a parked car? I'd say that's worth checking out.' Dean glanced over at him.

'Yeah, definitely, uh, but, uh, we got bigger problems, don't you think?'

Dean frowned a little. 'I'm sure the apocalypse'll still be there when we get back.' He said it quietly. Sam didn't say anything for a moment.

'Right, yeah, but I mean, if - if the Colt is really out there somewhere -'

'Sam, we've been on the road for three weeks. We got bupkis. Alex and James need a break. So we're gonna put them up in a motel, and go do this job.'

'Okay, no I totally get that.' Sam looked back at his sister and nephew again, lowering his voice. 'But I mean...if we're gonna ice the Devil...'

'This is what we're doing! Okay? End of discussion.' Dean's words were growled, and Sam grimaced and looked away. Dean stared at the road, feeling guilty as he looked in the rear view mirror at the rest of their little family on the back seat. 'It's just...' Sam looked back over. 'This is our first real case, back at it together. You know, I, I think we oughta ease into it. Put the training wheels back on.'

'So you think I need training wheels.'

'No. We. As a family. As a team.' Dean sighed. 'I'm not Dad. I'm not gonna run drills, or make everyone miserable. This has to work. We can't do to James what Dad did to us, Sammy. We can't be single minded on one cause. And he needs a rest. We all need a rest. Hey, I love this car, but man, we could all use a real bed for a couple of nights.' Sam nodded.

'Okay.'

'Man, I really want this to be a fresh start. For all of us.'

Sam looked at his brother, who was looking back and he nodded again. 'Okay.'

Alex chose that moment to stretch and wake up. 'Are we there yet, guys?' She asked sleepily.

'Not yet, 'Lex. Won't be long though. Why don't you get some more shuteye and we'll wake you when we get there?' Dean watched in the rearview mirror as she nodded, then laid back down. Within moments she was asleep again. The brothers sat in silence for a few more miles, until Sam got bored.

'So, what do you think is going on with Alex and Cas?' He asked his older brother, who rolled his eyes.

'Tell the truth, I don't wanna think about it.' He tapped the steering wheel lightly.

Sam didn't drop the subject. 'I mean, I know that James is technically, like, _theirs._ And Cas has been _really_ avoiding us, or only hanging out when James and Alex are there.'

'Look, Sam, I know you mean well, but Alex is sharing a room with James all the time. Or they're sleeping in the car. If there is something going on, it's not something we have to worry about because they're never _alone_. I don't wanna think about them doing...stuff.' Dean made a face and shook his head.

'You said she was a grown woman.'

'I did. Doesn't mean I meant it.' Dean admitted. 'Look, if I think anything is seriously going on, I'll tell Cas. Warn him off, or whatever big brothers do.' He sighed. 'I never had to do this when we were younger. Boys were terrified of her.'

'Dean, when Alex was in a mood, _you_ were terrified of her.'

'What? She's vicious.' Dean defended himself.

They passed a sign indicating they were only ten miles out from Canton and Sam chuckled to himself. 'Remember when Dad went on that hunt when I was maybe ten? You found some whiskey and decided we were going to play Monopoly?'

Dean smiled. 'Don't. I still have the scar from the stupid little dog she threw at me.' His hand went to his left ear, where the raised bump had been ever since Alex had lost her temper and thrown the play piece at him. When he dropped his hand, and his face fell, Sam frowned. 'I forgot. No scars. All got erased.'

'They can't take away those memories, Dean.' Sam said quietly. 'I know we had it hard growing up, but the best times I remember are with you two.' He looked back at his sister. 'We can give James that. Maybe a life on the road won't be so bad for him. We're not Dad, right?'

'No, but he deserves better.' Dean replied. 'So does she.'

Sam didn't know what to say to that. He wanted to argue that they all deserved better, but he knew Dean and knew he didn't feel like he deserved anything. Sam knew what he deserved.

He just wanted them to be happy.

* * *

Alex shut the door behind her, sighing in relief as her worrying brothers finally retreated to their own motel room. She locked the door, grabbing the salt from her duffel. For years she'd practised this, and it was second nature to her now. Even at Bobby's with all the warding, she spent half an hour every night checking salt lines, making sure they were protected.

After lining the doors, she checked the locks on the windows, and inspected the bathroom, tiptoeing around carefully. James was curled up in the middle of the double bed furthest from the door, his mop of blonde hair just visible over his duvet. She'd relented and let him bring his own covers with him; she was taking away his home, she couldn't take away his comforts as well. Dean had grumbled about the room in the car, but one look at his nephew's baby blues had his resolve crumbling. He'd even let James take a small box of his favourite toys, waving it off with a curt "well, we keep all our favourite toys in the trunk".

The boy wasn't stirring for a good few hours, and Alex was glad. He was exhausted from the travelling. They'd tried to keep him out of the nastier business they'd been attending too, but she knew they couldn't protect him from it forever; not if he was destined to be in the life.

She stared at him for a long while, until the fluttering of wings indicated that Castiel had joined her. She turned to face him and returned the smile he gave her. Not long ago, those genuine smiles would have only been for James. But now he looked at her and she felt her stomach flip.

He glanced past her to James. 'He looks peaceful.'

'It's one of the less crummy motel beds. He's out for the count.'

'Good.' And then he was against her, kissing her like a man starved. She responded in kind, curling her fingers through his short dark hair as he practically kissed the life out of her. He pulled away, but not far. 'I do not like being away from you for these long periods.'

'Can't say I'm a fan either.'

'Your brothers suspect something.'

'Let them. Dean can get pissy all he wants, but he's not my keeper.' She pressed her lips to his again, desperate for the feel of him. 'Are we going to take this...somewhere else?' She asked. Cas pulled back, one hand still in her hair. His eyes flicked to their son, asleep in bed.

'Maybe we should not leave him?'

Alex bit her bottom lip thoughtfully, turning her head to look at James. 'This is gonna get awkward. The angels can't find him right?'

'Not with the Enochian symbols I placed on him. He is invisible to them.'

She frowned. 'So how did you find us?'

Cas pulled his hand from her hair and trailed his fingertips down her collarbone, coming to rest on her heart, feeling the beats through her skin. He smiled as he brought his eyes up to meet hers. 'The grace inside you - it's part of me. So I will always be able to find you. And I'll always be able to find James because of the gift I gave him.'

Her breathing hitched, and she was aware she was almost shaking. 'The star.'

'James can find either of us. And we will always be able to find him.'

'Can we find each other?' She whispered the words, afraid to break the tension between them. Cas smiled, bringing his hands up to cup her face.

'I thought we already had.' He said, bringing his mouth down to hers, kissing her hard. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and she quickly found herself turned and pressed again the wall. He was firm but gentle as he ran his hands over her skin, catching her alight wherever he touched. She gasped as he trailed kisses down her neck.

'Cas...' She moaned, a little too loudly. Her eyes snapped open wide and she stopped him before he could go any further. His hand was sneaking it's way up her thin top, his fingertips just brushing the underside of her breast underneath her bra. 'We can't. Not here.'

He smiled, his blue eyes burning into hers with restrained passion. 'We can stay close.'

And then they were outside, behind the motel, away from the rooms in the woods. Alex gasped a little. 'Outside?'

'Why not?'

'Well, for one, it's pretty cold.' She shivered a little, and his hands moved to hold her close. 'And secondly, my brothers will come out to investigate if they hear strange noises.'

'I don't know where else we can go where we will be close enough to get to James. I do not believe there is any trouble coming.' Castiel bent his head to capture her in a kiss again. 'I cannot stay away from you any longer Alex. I need you. Your brothers will not hear...if we are quiet.'

'I don't know if I can be quiet.' She whispered and he smiled at her. 'I might forget.'

'I can have us gone before either one of them come out here.' The angel holding her reassured. He pushed hair from her face. 'There is no one near. It is late. We will not be disturbed.'

Alex looked around. 'This is very...adventurous.'

'You bring it out in me.' He said, and then silenced her with another deep kiss. She didn't want to argue it anymore and gave in, letting each touch and caress become hotter on her skin. Within a few seconds, she no longer cared that it was cold, and found herself pressed against a large tree, Cas' hands underneath her top, working her into a puddle of molten lava. His calloused fingers found her nipples and pinched them, earning him a little gasp from her swollen lips.

'Cas...' Alex moaned, her hands running down his chest. She pushed the trench coat and suit jacket from his shoulders, letting them fall to the forest floors silently. One of his hands moved from her breasts down to her pants, unbuttoning them and pushing them down over her hips. She shimmied a little, stepping out of them whilst pressing bruising kisses to his neck. Cas groaned under her touch, as she ran her hands down his chest, flicking one nipple. He gripped her hip with some force and she almost cried out, but then his head bent and her top was gone and he was sucking a pert nipple into his mouth, laving it with his tongue. She fisted her hand in his hair, gasping and panting.

When she pulled his hair, dragging him back up to face her, he looked shocked for a moment until she kissed him so hard, he thought he'd see heaven again. Then her hand slid down, undoing his suit pants and sliding in past his boxers. When the heat of her hand enveloped him, he almost came right there and then, and he couldn't hold back anymore. As her hand stroked him deftly, he hooked one of her legs over his hip. his hands shaking with the effort to stay in one piece under her ministrations. He ripped her panties away and Alex yelped.

'You know, I'm gonna run out of underwear at this rate.' She gasped, her free hand gripping his shoulder as he penetrated her with one finger, two, stretching her, testing her. Her actions on him stopped momentarily as the sensations he was causing made her brain white out and she struggled to focus.

'Alex, I can't...' His unspoken pleading didn't go unanswered, and she pulled her hand from his pants, pushing them down so they pooled at his feet. She pushed against the tree, and his fingers left her to support her other leg as she crossed her ankles behind his back, pinning him to her. With one fluid movement he was inside her and they held like that for a moment, indulging in the feel of each other. He placed a kiss to her neck as he began to move, slowly, stoking the fire inside her to dizzying heights. Alex gasped with every stroke, every time he touched the deepest parts of her.

Warmth suffused her as it had done before, their first time. They'd struggled to find private moments since the decision to go back on the road, and she'd longed for him so badly. So being here, in the middle of the forest, just them under the stars, it was heaven for her.

Cas pulled his hand away from her thigh, raising it to caress her breast again, kissing her fiercely as his pace increased. 'Cas...I...' She moaned between kisses. 'I need...'

'I know...' He replied, lightly nipping at her neck. His thrusts intensified as the fire in her grew white hot, and she bit her lip, trying to keep from crying out. Cas almost grinned, but his expression became twisted in pleasure. 'Alex...' He groaned and she threw her head back, unable to hold herself back. She cried out as he did, both of them bound in ecstasy.

Long moments passed, and Alex sighed happily, even though she was in an awkward position pinned between Castiel and the tree, her legs hooked limply around his waist. He moved back a little, giving her room to drop her legs, but when she did, she wobbled and almost fell. He was there in the blink of an eye, holding her up.

'Sorry.' She said, smiling shyly up at him. 'Kinda...unsteady right now.'

'I find that too.' He admitted, looking back to the motel. A door slammed somewhere, and he raised an eyebrow. 'It appears we were not as quiet as we hoped.' He scooped her up, kissing her again, and they were back in the motel room. Alex looked around, panicking a little as he put her down.

'Cas, our clothes...' She spotted them then, on the floor by her bed. James was still sleeping soundly. 'Nevermind.' She finished lamely, and then yawned widely.

'You are tired.'

'Been a long couple weeks.' She smiled wearily. 'I guess I should get some sleep.' He nodded. 'Will you stay?' She asked and he nodded.

'Always.' He followed her to the bed, divesting himself of the clothes he normally wore, all save the boxers. Alex pulled a pair of shorts and a camisole out of her duffel bag, slipping them on quietly before getting under the covers. Castiel slipped in behind her, gathering her to him. His warm presence at her back made her sigh as she relaxed.

'What do you do when I sleep, Cas?' She asked suddenly, knowing he didn't need to sleep as they did.

'I watch you and James.' He said simply. 'I make sure you are safe. And I wonder why God bestowed this gift on me.'

Alex smiled. 'Ever think it's because you deserve it?'

He shook his head, making the bed vibrate a little. 'No.' He kissed her shoulder. 'I think it is more because you deserve it.' He whispered and she smiled, interlacing her fingers with his as his hands rested on her belly.

She yawned again, feeling sleep pulling at her. 'Cas...' She started, but then she fell in slumber and he smiled.

'I love you, Alex Winchester.' He whispered, before laying his head on the pillow to watch for another night.


	16. Chapter 16

**More wonderful reviews and responses! Thank you so much :) This chapter has a brief fight in it, inspired by the rough housing I used to do with my four brothers growing up. I usually won. My mum always joked I got all the testosterone in the family but in all honesty, I just like a good brawl! So this is my tribute to my idiotic brothers, who I love dearly, even when they are gigantic pains in the bum.**

**Usual disclaimers apply :)**

* * *

'Okay, so six plus one?'

James' little face screwed up in concentration. 'Seven.'

Alex smiled and nodded. 'Well done. How about, six plus two?'

Another pause. 'Eight!' He said, shouting a little. Alex chuckled.

'You got it.' She looked at her watch, then her face turned thoughtful. 'How about we get half an hour done on English, then we can go wake your uncles up yeah?'

'Yes!' James threw his arms in the air, and Alex suspected that his uncles would be awake even if they didn't wanna be. She'd woken up at eight am, still wrapped in Cas' arms. She'd not wanted to move, but before she'd known it, James was stood by the bed, yawning in his Spiderman pyjamas and asking for some breakfast. And Cas had been straight out of bed, pulling on his pants and at the kitchenette, fixing some toast for them.

It had been so damned domestic that she'd laid there for a moment, admiring the bare chested angel as he padded around after James, listening to the amazing tale the boy spun about his dream, and it seemed as if he was hanging on every word. He'd slipped into the role so easy that when James smiled over his plate of toast and said "thank you, Daddy", Alex had nearly broken in two.

_God, please don't take him away from us._

Whilst James had been eating, she'd gotten up and located her clothes for day. By half past eight, Castiel had gotten his clothes back on, tan coat and all, whilst she'd made sure James picked out clean clothes for the day. She knew he'd leave soon, just for a few hours, but he'd be back for nightfall. Maybe she was getting too used to having him beside her at night; things were never this good for this long.

_'I will be back this afternoon.'_

_'You gonna tell me where you are going?' Alex asked with a coy smile, running her finger under the collar of the coat he wore like armour._

_'Just to check on a few things. Make sure we are not being followed or watched.' He leant down, pressing his forehead to hers. 'I will come back, Alex.'_

_'I know.' She said, pushing her lips up to meet his. They kissed for a few moments, until James ran up behind them, fully dressed and pulling faces._

_'Ewwww!' He stuck his tongue out and Alex laughed. 'That's gross. Uncle Dean says that's how you catch cooties.'_

_Castiel frowned and looked at Alex. 'What are cooties?'_

_Her laughter increased for a second before she remembered herself, and she ran a hand down Cas' face as James hugged her leg. 'Something little boys believe in. Don't worry,' She looked down at James. 'Mommies and daddies are cootie free.'_

_'I am fairly certain angels do not catch cooties.' Castiel affirmed, playing along. He got down to his knees and James let go of his mom's leg, hugging the angel tightly. 'I'll be back soon, okay?'_

_'Okay.' James buried his face in Cas' neck. 'I love you, Daddy.' He whispered, as if it had to be a secret. Cas didn't reply for a second, but he felt something warm bury itself in his chest, and he knew he would struggle to let the boy go._

_'I love you too, James.' He pulled back, running a hand through James' hair and smiling affectionately. Then he stood, and James returned to his mom's side. Alex smiled at Cas, trying to ignore the thumping of her heart in her chest. The angel opened his mouth slightly as if he were going to say something else, then he shut it again, allowing the smile to return to his face._

_And then he was gone._

_Alex took a breath, feeling a bit shaky, then she smiled down at James. 'Guess it's time we start school for the day, huh kiddo?'_

The knock at the door felt came a few moments after they'd started their English lesson and James was picking out nouns. He carried on as Alex answered the door to a tired looking Dean, dressed only in his t-shirt and jeans, his hair dishevelled still. He smiled at her, and she opened the door to him.

'Where's Sam?' She asked.

'In the shower.' Dean yawned widely. 'I'm gonna go in after him. Thought I'd come check on you guys. How'd you sleep?'

Alex smiled, somewhat dreamily, then remembered that Dean was in the room. 'Yeah. I slept fine. Why?'

Dean shook his head, bottom lip protruding a little. 'Oh, nothing. Me and Sammy, thought we heard some screaming in the woods last night. Went to check out but think it was just a fox or something.' His sister turned away, a bright red blush staining her cheeks. Dean didn't notice her discomfort, and moved over to James' side. 'Whatcha doing there, James?'

'English.' The boy said, pencil in his mouth and feet swinging widely under the table. 'I'm picking out names.'

'Nouns.' Alex corrected.

Dean nodded. 'Well you missed one.'

James looked a little worried. 'Did I?' He glared at the paper.

'Yeah.' Dean pointed at the writing and James leaned in close, before Dean flicked his hand back up and tapped his nose. 'Gotcha.'

'Uncle Dean!' James said with a squeal as he clapped one hand to his nose in mock horror.

Alex chuckled. 'Dean, he's supposed to be working.' Her brother looked up and shrugged. 'I know school never meant much to you, but until we can get all this sorted out and he can go to _real_ school, I need to keep him up to date on the basics yeah? He's smart, like, Sam smart, but without working his mind, he won't get anywhere.'

'I did fine without school.'

'Because you're smart, Dean. You can act dumb, but I know better.' Alex walked up and slapped a hand on her brother's shoulder. 'You just preferred the hands on education as to the pencil using kind.'

'I always did like a bit of hands on.' He said, then remembered who he was with. 'Fighting that is.'

'Yeah yeah.' Alex muttered as she headed back to James, taking the seat next to him. She looked over his shoulder. 'You got five yet?'

'I think so.' James replied, pushing the book to his mom to check. As she did, he looked up at his Uncle. 'Can you play sports?' He asked, and Dean blinked. 'I liked soccer. I played it at our old house. Mom was pretty good but she's a girl so you can't play properly.'

'I seemed to remember your mom being pretty good at soccer. She used to beat your uncle Sammy all the time.' Dean smirked as Alex flipped him off. 'But then, Sam's all legs. Cos he's so tall. Like a baby giraffe.'

James frowned. 'Uncle Sammy said he was short when he was little, like me. And he ate his greens which was how he got so tall. He said if I eat my greens I can be tall too.' He looked over at his mom. 'Was he lying? Because Daddy said he wasn't.' Dean looked to Alex for clarification and she paled a little.

'Well, I don't know! I'm not exactly tall.'

'But did you eat your greens?' James pressed. Alex shrugged.

'I guess so. But like you said, I'm a girl. It's different for boys, honey.'

'Oh.' James looked a little disappointed, then brightened. 'Maybe you and Daddy can make a sister for me, then we can compare?'

Dean baulked, coughing a little and Alex looked like a deer in headlights. James didn't quite understand what he had said, and waited for one of the grown ups to explain it to him. At that moment, Sam walked in, his hair still wet from his shower.

'Hey guys.' He said cheerily, then paused. 'What's going on?' He frowned at the expressions on his siblings faces. 'Is it about those screams we heard last night?'

Alex went even redder as James jumped out of his chair and ran to his uncle. Sam picked him up, as was becoming their tradition, and hoisted him in the air. 'Uncle Sammy!' The boy giggled, then settled himself on Sam's hip. 'We were talking about how eating vegetables makes you tall like you, and Uncle Dean says you're like a baby giraffe, and Mommy is gonna make a baby sister for me.' Sam's eyes whipped to Alex, who stood up, raising her hands.

'No, no, no.' She said, shaking her head.

'A baby sister?' Sam questioned and Dean raised a hand.

'There will be no baby making on this road trip.' He looked back to Alex, noticing her reddened cheeks. 'Wait...those screams...' He scowled. 'Do we need to be talking, Alex?'

'Not in front of James!' She squealed, moving further away from her brothers.

'What screams?' James asked, and Alex thought if her cheeks got any hotter, she might combust.

'Hey, why don't we go get you boys some lunch? Me and James already ate this morning, but I'm sure we can find somewhere with some nice pie. Dean? Come on, pie?' Dean's scowl was fixed in place.

'I think we need to step outside.'

'No, we really don't.' She said, glaring at him. He moved forward, trying to take her elbow. 'Dean, please, don't.' She pleaded. 'Not now. Please.' He looked back to Sam and James, who was looking a little worried. 'Please, Dean.' Alex was begging now. 'I don't wanna fight. We'll talk later, but not _now_.' Her eyes moved over his shoulder to her son. Dean relented, stepping back.

'Sorry.' He mumbled. 'But we will talk later.'

'You know what?' Sam interjected. 'I think I could go for some pie today. How about you, buddy?' He bounced James, who perked up, smiling and nodding enthusiastically.

'I want pancakes!' The boy yelled and Sam winced.

'James. Volume.' Alex scolded, then sighed. 'Dean why don't you go shower? Me and Sam will wait in the park over the road for you. James can go on the swings.' Sam smiled and moved out the door with James still in his arms, and Dean stared at her for a few moments, waiting until his brother and nephew were outside. She knew what was coming and she turned away. 'I mean it Dean. Later.'

'Just tell me one thing - has Castiel been here? Since we got here?' He asked, green eyes practically burning holes into her shoulder.

She braced her hands on the kitchen side, taking a deep breath. 'You know he has.'

Dean nodded. 'I guess I'll go grab that shower.'

* * *

It was fairly obvious Dean was unhappy with her. Luckily James remained oblivious. Alex was pretty pissed at her brother for almost starting a fight in front of James. All the times growing up, she'd had to cope with their father shouting, his drunken arguments. She'd seen him and Dean come to blows more times than she could remember and Sam had his fair share of arguments with John too. Alex had always stayed out of the way, stayed quiet, unseen - she knew she was the weak one and didn't want to make herself the target of John's alcohol induced anger.

The way she figured, there was enough violence in their lives without bringing it home with them.

Dean remained silent through lunch, only interacting with James as he sat next to the boy. Sam and Alex sat in silence, and James chatted happily away for all of them. When they finished lunch, it was passed midday and the boys knew they had to get on with the case they had come here for. They set off for the first victim's house, and Alex returned to the motel room with James.

'So, what do you want to do?' Alex asked the boy, who shrugged. 'Wanna go back to the park?'

'No. Their slides are boring.' He sighed, sitting at the table in the motel room. 'Do we have to do more school stuff today?' He asked.

'I think we can skip it for now.' She smiled, fixing them a juice box each. 'How about we see if there's anything to do in this town huh?'

'Can we call Daddy?' The ease with which he referred to Castiel now warmed her heart, but she wasn't sure if Cas would be able to come if they called him.

'I think he might be busy, sweetheart.'

'What's he doing?'

'He's making sure we're safe.' She replied simply. 'How about we go for a walk in the woods? See if we can find some squirrels to chase.'

'Can we practice with the shooters?' James asked and Alex shook her head.

'Not round here. Too many people. Maybe when it's darker, Uncle Dean can take us out to shoot some cans huh?' The boy nodded a little forlornly. Alex grimaced. 'Come on. Let's go walk in the woods and decide what else we can do.' She held out her hand and James jumped down from his seat, running over to slip his small hand into hers.

They headed out of the motel, and Alex tucked a small handgun into the back of her pants, pulling her shirt and coat down over it. She didn't think anything could happen, but it wouldn't hurt to be safe. They set off from the parking lot, heading into the woods. Within minutes, James had perked up and was running over, pointing out everything to his mom. Alex smiled at his antics, praising him when he knew what something was and laughing with him when he chased a rabbit. She enjoyed the peace and quiet, and for a few moments, the future before them didn't bother her.

She became lost in her own thoughts for a moment, listening to the breeze through the trees, and the birds singing. James' laughter echoed in her ears, and she thought it was the most beautiful sound in the world. She closed her eyes as she stood still, opening her arms and inhaling deeply.

It was so quiet.

Too quiet.

'Mommy!' The panicked yell came from in front, and her eyes snapped open. She broke into a sprint, pulling her gun from her pants, running through the trees to find James had fallen down a steep back. His foot was caught in a tree root, and he'd gashed up his knee pretty badly, blood seeping through his ripped jeans. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes. 'Mommy, I fell. I'm stuck.' He tried to pull his leg up, but cried out.

'James!' The fluttering of wings made her jump, and Cas was at her side, looking down the embankment. His face was smothered with concern, and he gripped her hand tightly, moving them down the bank to stand beside the panicking boy.

'Mommy, I'm stuck!' James repeated, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. 'It hurts.' Alex put her gun away and was on her knees next to him, running her hands down his leg.

'Ssh, baby, it's okay, we'll get you free.' Cas nodded, smiling reassuringly at the boy as he placed one hand on the tree root and snapped it. Alex pulled James backwards, and he cried out again, sobbing freely into his mom's coat. Alex looked up at Cas. 'He can't walk on this. Can you -' She'd barely got the words out before they were back at the motel room, and Alex quickly placed James on the bed. 'Can you grab me the first aid kit from my duffle?' Cas nodded and moved away as she slowly pulled James' boot and sock off. He whimpered and tried not to cry. 'Sssh, baby. You're gonna be fine okay?'

'It hurts.' He repeated and Alex rubbed his shoulder as Cas handed her the first aid kit.

'Can you sit with him whilst I check this out?' She asked and the angel nodded, taking a seat on the bed, and putting an arm around his son. 'Hold still, James. This might sting okay?' James nodded, pressing back into Cas.

Alex pulled a small pair of scissors from the first aid kit, cutting up the pants leg and pulling it to one side. The gash wasn't deep, but it was long and bleeding. From his knee to about an inch above his ankle, the skin was torn and she felt sick to see the injury on her child. She'd always hated it when he was hurt. Pulling out the antiseptic and a gauze from the kit, she smiled softly. 'Hold Daddy's hand, baby. This is gonna hurt a bit but it'll be better okay?' James nodded, slipping his hand into Cas', who squeezed it gently.

'You are very brave, James. Do not be afraid.' The angel whispered. Alex grimaced as she soaked the gauze pad and began to clean the wound gently, feeling sicker with every hiss and cry from her son. Cas murmured comforting words in his ear as he shut his eyes tightly, whimpering.

'He doesn't need stitches.' She said breathlessly. 'Thank god. I don't think I could do it.'

'Would it not be easier for me to just heal him?' Cas asked, and Alex hesitated.

'It isn't a dangerous wound. I know you want to, Cas, but...he's gonna get a lot worse than this as he gets older. I hate it but...we need to get used to it.' She sighed, continuing to clean the wound. 'I hate this. I hate our lives. And this is something any kid could have done.'

'His ankle is badly twisted and bruised. He may not be able to walk on it.' Cas pointed out.

'He'll be fine.' She whispered, blinking away tears. 'We can't heal everything away.' She wanted to, god did she want to, but this was a scratch. And she knew how much pain a stab wound or a gunshot could cause. This was small fry and James had to learn. _I hate that pain is a learning curve in this life._

James was still crying as his mom dressed the wound in silence, and when she was done, she sat back up beside him, pulling him into a hug. 'I'm sorry, I know that hurt.'

'I'm okay.' He whispered, gripping onto her arm tightly. He wasn't, but he was being brave. Alex looked up at Cas, who was watching them with those blue eyes.

'Your timing was pretty handy.' She said quietly. 'How'd you know?'

'I'll always know. If it were you or him, I'd know.' Cas replied, his voice barely above a whisper. 'And I'll always be there. God himself wouldn't stand in my way.'

Alex believed him.

* * *

When Sam and Dean returned that night, James was asleep, curled up in Cas' arms on his bed. Alex had been researching for them, but she'd drawn up nothing, and so she sat with the crappy motel TV on, a mug of coffee in her hands. Dean glanced over at the bed containing the angel and his nephew and the glower he'd worn all morning returned.

'Don't start, Dean.' Alex caught the look. 'James had an accident.'

Immediately the scowl faded and Sam looked over in concern. 'What happened? Were you attacked? Why didn't you call?'

'Whoa, whoa. Slow down there.' Alex said as both her brothers moved to check on the boy. 'We went for a walk and he fell. I wasn't paying attention - if I had...'

'Alex, you can't have eyes in the back of your head.' Sam said, reaching out to her.

'But I need to!' She said, trying not raise her voice. 'He _fell_. He's gashed his leg up and twisted his ankle. If I can't stop him falling over, then how do I stop demons getting him?' Dean moved closer to her, taking her arm firmly. In the next second, his hand was at the back of her neck, pulling her to him in a crushing embrace.

'Don't be stupid, Alex. He's a kid. Kids hurt themselves all the time. You protect him when it matters.' His eyes flickered over to the bed, raking over his nephew who was sleeping soundly with his head on Cas' chest. The trench coat was missing, along with the suit jacket, and laying there, the angel looked like any other parent. 'Why didn't Cas heal him?'

'Alex asked me not to.' Cas replied for her. 'She felt it was...an unsuitable course of action.'

'It's only a scratch. It just seems worse because he's so small.' Alex mumbled into Dean's chest. 'I hate this. I hate it.' She pulled away, sniffling a little. 'Sorry.' Dean smiled, running a hand over her hair.

'Don't be.' He frowned, looking down. 'Unless you got snot on my jacket, in which case, do be.'

Alex giggled, then looked over at Sam. 'Could you stay here for a moment?' Sam nodded, his brow furrowing in that look she thought of as his "serious face". She glanced to Cas, who also nodded. He was pretty much pinned beneath James, but it didn't seem like he minded. Alex looked back to Dean. 'Step outside?' She asked and he moved, heading for the door.

Once they were outside, she shut the door behind them and started to walk down the parking lot, away from the room. Dean followed, looking around the darkened area. When they were a good distance from the room, she turned to her brother and folded her arms.

'Now's as good a time as any. Bitch away.'

Dean fixed her with a glare. 'Bitch away?' He said with a mocking turn. 'I'm not bitching, Alex, I'm concerned.'

'Concerned about what?' She asked innocently.

'About the fact that you're screwing an angel?'

Her face went red. 'That's not how it is.'

'Then tell me.'

'Tell you what? That I've been alone for so long? That there's not been _anyone_ for nearly six years?'

'So what, the first eligible guy that comes along will do?' Dean scoffed, and Alex looked affronted.

'God, it isn't as if I jumped straight into bed with him, Dean! We've known each other almost a year. Things developed okay?' She glared at him. 'We already have a kid together, so I think we took it fairly fucking slow considering!'

'And about that. Isn't this a bit too convenient? There's no...god, I don't even get it!' Dean shouted. 'He donated some grace. James is not his blood kin!'

'And what did Bobby always tell us, huh?' Alex yelled back. 'Family don't end with blood, Dean, and you fucking know it!'

'So sneaking around behind our backs, that's your grown up answer to that?' Her brother snapped, and Alex lost it, stepping forward to land a punch on her brother's jaw. His head snapped back and he stumbled, regaining his balance to bring his fist back round to her. Normally, Dean wasn't in the habit of hitting girls, unless they were possessed or monsters. But Alex had always given as good as she got, and that punch had _hurt._ They hadn't fought in years, and the last time, John had to separate them.

His own punch landed on her stomach, and she practically snarled at him, dropping and bringing her foot swinging round. Dean's legs went out from underneath him and he hit the desk, smacking his head on the tarmac. Alex straddled his chest and punched him again, hard, splitting his lip. She raised her arm for another punch, but Dean blocked it, bucking his sister off and over his head. She hit a car, but recovered quickly, getting up to come at him again. As she went to tackle him to the floor, Sam stood in the way, holding out his hands. Alex tried to push past him, but Sam used his height to his advantage, although it was a struggle to hold her back.

'Alex!' Sam snapped, and she pushed harder at him. 'Alex, stop!' She slowed a little, her eyes still on Dean, promising pain.

'Get off, Sammy! I want to kill him.'

'No, you don't.'

'Let her go, Sam. Let her try. She's got some issues she needs to work out, better she work them out fighting me than screwing Cas!' Dean shouted, and Sam rolled his eyes.

'Oh, that is _it_!' Alex growled, struggling harder.

'Dean, shut up!' Sam ordered. 'Alex, stop it!' Her little brother pushed her backwards with a burst of strength, landing her against the parked car she'd already hit once. He brought his large hands down on her shoulders, pinning her in place. 'Stop!' He ordered and she did, sulking.

'Sam...' Dean started.

'Shut up, Dean.' The youngest Winchester sibling barked, and Dean went quiet. 'This ends now. Alex - Dean is worried, and he's your big brother. He has a right to that.' Dean smirked. 'But.' The smirk disappeared. 'Alex is a grown up, Dean. She's a mom. She knows what she is doing. Even if we disagree -' and the look in his eyes made it clear he wasn't entirely happy with the situation. 'Even if, she is entitled to do what she wants. Provided it doesn't endanger any of us.'

'She's been sneaking around like a kid. So why shouldn't I treat her like one?'

'Because you're the kid, Dean. Cas makes me happy, he keeps us _safe._ Why wouldn't I be in love with him?' She gasped, realising what she'd said.

'Love? Seriously? He's an _angel_, Alex, he doesn't know what love is!' Dean raised a hand, pointing back towards the motel room.

'He does! And if you don't believe it, then see how he looks at James! How he cares about him! He _fell_ for us, Dean, he left behind everything for _us._' The tension left her body. 'He's James' dad, Dean. Whether you like or not. There was a reason behind this, and if we're happy, what does it matter?'

The ringing of Dean's phone interrupted them, and the eldest Winchester sighed, fishing it out of his pocket. He answered curtly, then looked up at Sam with widening eyes. 'Yup. Thanks for letting us know.' He hung up and frowned. 'We got another vic.' He directed his gaze towards Alex. 'I give. You do what you want. Just be careful. And the minute, _the minute_, he does something I don't like, I'm tossing his ass out, you got it?'

She scowled at him. 'Whatever.'

Dean threw his hands up and turned, stalking back to the motel room. Sam looked down at his sister, finally releasing her from his grip.

'You know he's just worried.' She frowned up at him.

'I'm still gonna kick his ass, Sam.'


	17. Chapter 17

**I was hoping to have this up sooner, but then River posted a new chapter of SRS and I got totally emotionally involved in that! Ha. Sorry. Also got distracted by Dean's little speech in "Rock And A Hard Place" so...sorry. Again. Oh well. And then I got distracted by a video of Jensen singing.**

**You're kinda lucky you got this chapter at all.**

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

* * *

Sam wasn't sure how much more he could take.

It had been three weeks since Alex and Dean had fought, and they still hadn't sorted things out. The tension between the two was unbearable, and the last case had been unbearable. Trying to fight a ghost when the two people you were working with wanted to tear each other a new one was difficult at best. When it was two Winchesters who had stubborn streaks a mild wide, Sam was surprised they were still alive. Even James was picking up on the atmosphere, and there had been at least two tantrums because of it. Every mile in the Impala became more like driving with a ticking time bomb, so by the time they got the call from Bobby about a case in Nebraska, Sam was ready to knock his siblings' heads together.

When they actually arrived in Alliance, he snapped. James was asleep, and Dean was making snarkey comments about when Cas would be showing up, and Alex was glaring at him with the force of a thousand Devil's Gates, and something in Sam clicked.

'I'm done.' He said, silencing him brother and drawing both of their attention to him.

'What?' Dean asked, looking a little confused.

'I'm done.' Sam repeated, louder this time. His eyes flickered towards the beds where James was sleeping, and he sighed. 'You two can do this case. I don't know if I can stand to be around you. Either of you.'

'What the hell you on about, Sammy?' Alex asked, standing from her position at the table. Sam threw his hands up.

'I cannot sit in the middle of this any more. You two are driving me nuts, and James is noticing it too! You're at each other's throats about everything, and you need to sort it out. Before I salt and burn the both of you.' His tone was clipped, and he pointed at the door. 'Get out. You can have my bed for the night, Alex.'

'Dude, I'm not sharing a room with her. Cas'-'

'Oh for god's sake, Dean, shut up!' Sam said. 'I'm kicking you out. Both of you. Go sort it. I'm sitting this one out with James.'

Alex and Dean looked at each other, confused by the sudden attitude from the youngest Winchester sibling. He continued to point at the door, and when neither of them moved, he pulled his gun from the back of his pants, waving it at them. 'I will shoot one of you.'

'Okay, okay, we're gone.' Dean rolled his eyes. 'Drama queen.'

Alex looked between Sam and the bed containing her son before Sam dropped the gun and moved over to her. Dean walked out of the door, presumably to the other room. 'I wasn't really gonna shoot you.' Sam admitted.

'Well, duh.' She replied, her eyes still on James.

'We'll be fine, Alex. He's asleep. I'll get up early, do his breakfast, everything okay. Take the break. Sort things out with Dean, please, I'm begging you.'

'What if I wanna kick his ass?' She reminded him of her earlier promise.

'Then kick it. Just don't kill him.' Sam tugged on her arm gently. 'Go, work the case, come back and be my normal brother and sister again, please?' Alex let herself be led along, looking back at James.

'Okay, fine. Just...make sure he gets some maths done. If he wants me, just call, please Sam, don't...'

'We're good. Now go.' Sam pushed her out the door and shut it in her face. Alex stood for a moment, blinking at the closed door, wondering how this had happened. After a few minutes had passed, she turned and went to the other room, sighing as she opened the door. Her eldest brother sat on one of the beds, a beer in hand as he flicked through the television shows on the crappy old set.

'Can I have the car keys please?' She asked Dean curtly, and he threw them at her, somewhat violently. She caught them before they collided with her temple, and then scowled at him. 'No need to be a dick.'

'Make sure you lock it.' Her brother grumbled, leaning back against the headboard. Alex poked her tongue out and left the room again, heading over to the car. She opened the boot, rummaging through for her duffel. The boys had taken their stuff straight in, but James had been half asleep when they'd got here and she'd been more concerned about sorting him out rather than getting her own stuff. Sam would probably need to collect his bag from their room at some point.

She couldn't believe Sam had turned on them like that. Sure, her and Dean had been fighting more, and barely talking when they weren't fighting, but it wasn't that bad was it? Maybe thinks were a little tense...

The fluttering of wings behind her had her turning, and she smiled as Cas walked towards her from across the lot.

'Hey.' She said quietly, pulling her duffel out and shutting the trunk with one hand. 'Been a few days.'

'I was near. I thought it prudent to keep a distance.' He admitted, coming to a stop in front of her. 'How is James?' He asked.

'He's fine. Sleeping. Leg's pretty much healed, he's probably gonna have a scar. Mainly cos he keeps picking at the scab.' Alex made a face. 'Sammy evicted us. Said he's staying with James whilst we do this case. Reckons me and Dean need to "sort things out".' She made quotation gestures with her fingers.

'You have been fighting a lot.' Castiel said quietly.

'Huh?' Alex blinked. 'You agreeing with Sam?' She paused. 'Wait, is _that_ why you've stayed away?'

Cas' eyes hit the ground and she knew it was. She'd spent almost three weeks sleeping alone, all because her big brother had a big mouth. 'I did not wish to aggravate the situation. Dean is upset at our involvement.'

'Screw Dean.' Alex said, feeling a little pissed. 'He's throwing a tantrum because he's not getting his way. He's gonna have to accept it sooner or later.'

'He does not believe our relationship is appropriate. He only wishes to protect you.'

'Why are you sticking up for him?' She asked, mouth agape. 'He's being a bully.'

'Your brother loves you Alex.' Cas said gently, reaching up to cup her face. 'I wholly understand his reasons for worrying.' He smiled softly. 'I worry too.'

'Why?' She asked, running her hand over the back of his where it rested on her cheek. She pressed a soft kiss to his palm and stepped a little closer.

'I would have thought that would be apparent by now.' The angel said, his breathing growing a little heavier as she pressed up against him.

Alex smiled and shook her head slightly. 'You're gonna need to fill in the blanks.' She whispered, tilting her head up until her lips were millimetres from his.

'Alex...' He exhaled her name like a prayer, capturing her in a deep kiss, the hand that had been on her cheek tangling in her long hair. She fisted her hands in his trench coat, wanting to get him as close to her as possible. His other hand slipped around her waist, bringing their hips flush and Alex gasped as the kiss moved down her neck, and Cas made small nips along her collarbone, pushing her shirt out of the way.

Someone cleared their throat and Alex jumped as if she'd been electrocuted. Her and Cas both turned, finding Sam looking at them with his arms crossed and one eyebrow raised.

'I came out to go get my stuff from your room.' He said. 'You know, I asked you to sort things out with Dean, not start dry humping Cas in the parking lot to piss him off more.' He shook his head. 'Guys, I'm fine with this, I am. God knows, one of us should grab a little happiness. But you need to square this with Dean, Alex.'

'Why should I?' She demanded. 'I'm a grown woman, Sam.'

'No, you're Dean's baby sister.' Sam pointed out. 'You'll never be grown up to him.' Then he turned and walked away. Alex sighed heavily, watching him disappear into the room she was now sharing with Dean.

'He's right.' Cas sighed from behind her, and she turned back.

'This sucks.'

'I would tend to agree.' The angel nodded. 'But Sam is right. You need to talk to your brother.'

'How am I supposed to make him understand Cas? He doesn't see that you make me happy. That you make James happy.' She wiped away a tear of frustration. 'He doesn't get it.'

'He will. Maybe it will take some time.' Alex looked up at him, tears clouding her hazel eyes. He smiled, wiping away the tears. 'Go. Talk to him. I will go and sit with James and Sam.'

'All night?' She asked, taking his hand in hers. 'I mean, Dean's gotta sleep sometime...' Cas chuckled.

'So do you, Alex.' She smiled as he gestured to the motel room Sam was now emerging from. 'Go and talk to him.'

* * *

Dean looked up from his sitcom as Alex walked back into the room, putting his car keys down on the side gently and throwing her duffel on the bed Sam had previously occupied. She sighed heavily and moved over to the table, where a six pack of beers sat, slowly dripping a small puddle of condensation onto the wooden surface. She pulled two free, putting the rest in the small motel fridge, before throwing one beer at her brother, who caught it deftly, and taking the other for herself.

'So.' She said, settling herself down onto the bed, not willing to look up at her brother. He clicked the TV off and turned, a grim look on his face as he twisted the top off of his beer and took a swig. 'Apparently we're having some issues.'

'I'm issue free. Issues are all yours, sister.' Dean said, and Alex gritted her teeth.

'Dean...' She warned.

'Well, what am I supposed to say Alex?' Dean stood up. 'That I'm pissed at you? That I'm not happy you're screwing around with Cas?'

'We are not -' She started to interrupt, but he whirled on her with a finger pointed in her direction.

'Don't you dare! You want me to share, well I'm sharin'!' He put the bottle on the side, and Alex watched warily as he stood in front of her. 'Here's me sharing. I'm pissed you ran off six years ago and never told us where you were. I'm pissed that you went through all this, having a kid and setting up home and didn't _once_ let us know. I'm pissed you've been hiding from us. I'm pissed that you don't sleep. And most of all? I'm pissed that we had to drag you back into this shitty life, and ruin James' life and the only option available to you is an angel of the frickin' lord, because our lives are so screwed up!' He took a breath and was almost panting at this point, his face red with anger and frustration. Alex stared at him, open mouthed.

'You're pissed...because you think this is your fault?' She asked, stunned by his outburst. Dean stared her in the eyes.

'All I ever had to do was keep you and Sam safe. And you both left. And somehow, I've managed to drag you both back into this life, and now where are we? Travelling from crappy motel to crappy motel, hunting monsters and getting hurt all this time.'

'So you're not mad about me and Cas...' She said hesitantly.

'Oh I'm mad. I'm plenty mad.' He ran a hand down his face. 'You're my little sister. I'm gonna be aggravated by any guy who tries to get in your pants.' He sat next to her. 'But I'm mad at myself. Because this...this isn't the life you deserve.'

Alex nodded slightly, looking into the neck of her beer. 'It's not the life you deserve either, Dean.'

He chuckled mirthlessly. 'No, it's just the life I was built for. I couldn't be anything else, Alex. I'm a hunter. It's in my blood.'

She leant her head on his shoulder. 'Mine too. And apparently James'.'

'You were out.' He said, choking a little on his own words.

'We don't get out.' She whispered, blinking away tears. 'Dean?'

'Yeah?'

'Promise me...if something happens to me...you'll take care of James? Keep him with you.'

Dean swallowed and wrapped his arm around his little sister. 'Nothing is gonna happen to you. I swear it. You got pulled back in, Alex, I'm not letting you get hurt by it.' He tightened his grip on her a little, then let go. 'I know he's next door you know. Why don't you go spend some time with him and we'll get working on this case tomorrow?'

'Wouldn't you rather have Sam with you on the case?' She asked, slipping out from under his arm. Dean shrugged.

'I'd rather have both of you with me, but James is still to young for this.' Alex nodded in agreement. Her brother sighed. 'And if you...want Cas to stay with you tonight...' He didn't finish as he screwed his face up a little, standing to go grab his beer. 'Just no funny business yeah?'

She smiled. 'Thanks Dean.' She stood and walked over to him, placing a kiss on his cheek. 'You're the best brother ever when you're not being a dick.'

'Yeah, yeah.' He jerked his head in the direction of the door. 'Get gone.' Alex nodded and disappeared through the door.

Dean still wasn't happy, probably never would be entirely. But maybe it was worth it to see the happiness in her for a change.

* * *

Dawn broke silently in the little town of Alliance, and Dean was awake and in the shower before Alex had even stirred. She rolled over, seeking out the usual warmth of Cas behind her, but he was gone. Her face fell and she sat up, disappointed. She scanned the room, finding no sign of him, and the only noise was Dean singing a poor rendition of "Highway To Hell" in the shower. She turned, swinging her legs over the bed, and in doing so, she knocked a piece of paper from the bed and it floated to the floor.

Alex frowned and bent down, picking up the paper and unfolding it.

_Alex,_

_ I left before Dean was awake, because whilst you told me last night that he was going to adjust, I did not want to cause further friction. I will return this evening, and will keep close to James today._

_ Castiel_

She smiled, holding the note tightly as she examined his handwriting. It was flowing, elegant but still had that rough edge that indicated it was written by a man. She knew she'd be keeping hold of this one, purely because it was the first thing he'd ever written her.

The bathroom door slammed and she jumped off the bed, looking towards her brother, who'd come out of the bathroom in his jeans and shirt, water dripping from his short hair. He raised an eyebrow in her direction and threw a thumb in the direction of the bathroom.

'You want in? There's still some hot water.' He pulled a towel over his head, rubbing his hair dry. 'I'm gonna do a breakfast run once I've checked in with Sam and James. Then we'll head out and work this job. You got your suit right?'

Alex nodded. 'Yeah. I think my badge is in your trunk somewhere though.'

'I'll check. You got any preference on breakfast?'

'Bagels please.' She smiled, grabbing her towel and shampoo and hiding the note in her boot. As Dean left, she moved into the bathroom, locking the door securely and turning the shower on, stretching her arm out through the spray to test the temperature. She turned, bending down to grab her shampoo from the pile by the door. As she moved back towards the shower, she caught her foot on the toilet and stubbed her toe hard. The shock of the pain made her cry out, and she bit her lip, grabbing her foot. 'Fuck.' She muttered, putting her foot back down on the floor. She wobbled a little, and then jumped as a pair of firm hands grabbed her upper arms to steady her.

'Alex.' Cas' voice had her turning abruptly, and she was suddenly very aware she was naked. 'You injured yourself.'

'I - I...' She swallowed, her mouth was feeling dry. 'I stubbed my toe on the toilet. It was...you didn't need to...'

'I'm sorry. I only felt that you were hurt...' He seemed to realise where they were all of a sudden. 'You're, er, naked.' She couldn't help it and she started to giggle. 'You were showering. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.'

Alex shook her head, still smiling. 'No, no, I hadn't...hey,' she said, looking up at him with a smirk on her face. 'You wanna join me?'

'I'm an angel, Alex, I don't require showers.' He stated, matter-of-factly, and Alex chuckled again, before standing up on tiptoes and pressing her _very_ naked form against him. She pressed her cheek to his and whispered in his ear.

'I didn't say we were gonna get _clean_.'

He tensed, and Alex pulled away, a sly grin on her face. Castiel's eyes were wide, the blue almost obscured by the black of pupils and as she tried to move further away, he slipped his hand around her waist, pulling her back flush against him. His lips descended onto hers and she responded in kind, her fingers making quick work of removing the clothing on his back. Their movements were rushed, frenzied - they hadn't been able to be together for three weeks, and maybe to an angel that wasn't such a long time, but for some reason, it felt like an eternity to him.

Alex groaned as his hands roamed over her, and she pushed at his pants. He kicked off his shoes, the rest quickly following as he picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist, revelling in the feel of her bare skin on his. She kissed him again, letting him guide them both into the shower and under the hot spray. When it hit her, she gasped, and Cas reeled back in concern.

'Are you okay?'

Alex nodded, tilting her head back and allowing the water to run over her long hair and over her skin. Castiel watched, mesmerised by the sight of the stream of water running down her neck over the swell of her breasts. He shifted, supporting her back with one arm and using his free hand to run over her wet skin, making her gasps as he pinched a pert nipple between his fingers.

'You are beautiful.' He whispered reverently, pulling her closer to him. Alex smiled, feeling a little shy all of a sudden as she placed a soft kiss to his lips. He twitched against her, and she felt a flood of desire as she felt it, grinding herself down against him.

She didn't expect him to lose control so quickly.

He pushed her against the wall, and she locked her ankles more firmly behind his back, bracing herself on the tiles and against his hips. One of her arms curled around his neck, fingers stretching through his hair. He lowered his head, lavishing attention on her breasts, coaxing little moans and gasps from her throat. The water was drenching both of them, but Alex had completely forgotten about washing.

'Cas...' She moaned, her hips jerking forward of their own violation. He silenced her cry with a kiss, sliding into her with an agonising slowness. He didn't give her time to adjust before he started up a bruising pace, and she wanted to touch him everywhere, the combined pleasure of his touch and the hot water making her whimper into his mouth. He brought her higher and higher, and she swallowed down her cries, remembering the classically thin walls of the motel.

'Alex.' Her angel gasped, burying his face in her neck as he pushed her over the edge, following her quickly. He slumped, and Alex dropped her legs to the floor, the shower hitting her over heated skin and sending tingles down her spine. She wrapped her arms around Cas, who returned the gesture, and they kissed again. She giggled, tracing the droplets on his chest.

'I really should wash my hair.' She whispered. 'Not that erm, that wasn't really amazing and spontaneous.' Castiel smiled then, brushing her wet hair from her face. Then he bent and retrieved her shampoo bottle.

'Turn around.' She raised an eyebrow but complied, and she sighed when she felt his hands weaving through her long dark hair, massaging the foam into her scalp. 'The bottle says to lather, rinse and repeat.' He said quietly, and she wondered how in the hell he managed to sound sexy when he said that. She relaxed under the ministrations of his hands, and groaned when he stopped.

'Do you have to stop?' She said quietly, and when his fingers trailed down her spine, she shivered.

'You have an anti-possession tattoo.' He traced the pattern with his fingers. 'Why did you choose to get it there?' The feel of his fingertips on the bottom of her back made her arch into his touch.

'Wanted it out of sight. I got it done after the boys found me.' She gasped, closing her eyes. 'Cas, if you carry on doing that, you're definitely gonna get that repeat.'

He didn't stop.

'Alex!' Dean's voice filtered through the door. 'Get your ass out of the shower! We've got work to do.'

Her eyes snapped open, and Cas was gone, along with the soft touch of his calloused fingertips. Alex sighed, trying to be annoyed with her brother, but the afterglow of Cas' surprise visit would probably remain with her all day. She rinsed her hair quickly, humming to herself as she finished her shower quickly and climbed out, towelling herself off before getting dressed. As she opened the door, Dean fixed her with a glare.

'How long were you in there? I've been gone for about forty five minutes.'

'I guess I got carried away washing my hair.' She replied, a smile on her face. Dean eyed her with confusion.

'Must have been a good shower.' He muttered.

_You have no idea._ She just smiled wider and went in search of her boots.

* * *

After finding the first two victims, Alex and Dean had returned to the motel to find Sam with the ham they'd asked him to grab and James was practising his spelling at the table. It hadn't taken long for Dean to start eating bits of the ham after they'd fried it with the toy buzzer, and Alex had tried to discourage James when he'd decided he wanted some too. Her brother had argued it was perfectly cooked, and Sam had simply rolled his eyes. James got his appetite from Dean, there was no question about it.

'So we're going to head over to this Conjurarium store and have a look? Maybe the owner is selling cursed objects.' Alex flicked through the phone book, quickly locating the address. 'It's a five minute drive.'

'Okay. Can I take the ham?'

'No, Dean. The ham is going in the trash.' The equally pouty bottom lips on her brother and son would have made her laugh, but instead she just fixed them with a glare and turned to Sam. 'Can you get some _healthy_ food into him please?' Sam nodded, looking down at his nephew. 'Let's go Dean.'

The eldest Winchester cast a longing look at the electrocuted ham and followed his sister out the door with his head bowed. Sam turned to James.

'How about some fun? I know your mom wanted you to finish your spelling, but, I think we've had enough school for the day.' James smiled and Sam grinned. 'We'll finish that later, yeah?'

'Sam.' Castiel's voice made him jump and he looked over to the door where Cas was stood.

'Cas!' He greeted. 'You okay?'

'I am fine. I just wanted to check in on James. He was asleep when I saw him last night.'

'Daddy!' James yelled, running for the angel, who crouched down to let the boy thrown his arms around him. 'I missed you. Where've you been?'

'I have been close.' He insisted. 'I would not let anything harm you.' James nodded, pulling back but keeping his arms around Cas' neck.

'I know. Did you stay away because Mommy and Uncle Dean were mad at each other? Because they're not mad any more. Uncle Sammy said he banged their heads together and made them grow up.' Castiel looked up to Sam, who shrugged. 'So you can see us more again!'

Sam smiled at the boys excitement, and Cas stood, picking James up to balance him on his hip. The taller man watched for a moment, surprised by how comfortable the angel always looked when he had the boy in his arms. He'd always known that Cas cared about the boy, but had not believed it as beyond his duty until the truth had come out. And now, he couldn't picture anyone else _being_ James' father, despite the boy's lack of resemble to him, aside from his too-blue eyes. He smiled wider, thinking of an idea.

'Hey, Cas. We were about to go find something fun to do. Why don't you come with us?'

* * *

**This is a bit shorter than I wanted it to be. But everyone is happy!**

**Being SPN, this probably won't last.**

**Also, if Dean thinks shower sex is complicated, he should try writing it.**

**Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favourites so far ^.^**


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry this one is a little late. I was almost done and a little munchkin had a nightmare so I went to sit with her for a while. Did the obligatory check for monsters under the bed and in the wardrobe. No monsters getting in this house. Kids huh?**

**Edit: I must have been really tired last night, cos I made a whole bunch of errors here. Have gone back through and corrected them. Sorry. Blame mummy-brain.**

**Ha. Standard disclaimers, unbeta'd and all that. Enjoy and lemme know what you think :)**

* * *

Alex sat on the roof of the Impala outside the motel, looking up at the stars. She'd been outside for an hour at least, and the cold was starting to set in. All she could think about was the demon boy, and what they'd discovered on the case. It was terrifying, the power that little boy held, and she was wondering if it would be similar to what James would be capable of when he grew up.

He was inside with the boys, and Cas had stuck around to read comics to him. Dean seemed to be okay with the angel hanging around, after a brief "You hurt her and I'll kill you" warning, to which Cas had frowned and then agreed. Alex had ignored her elder brother's warning, hoping Sam wouldn't mind if she went back to her original room for the night.

She didn't want to be away from James right now.

_They'd come back from meeting with the boys mother' and finding out what they had, Dean had grabbed Castiel from the neighbouring motel room where he had been practising maths with James and Sam._

_'It's lucky you found the boy.'_

_Dean scowled a little. 'Oh, yeah, real lucky. What do we do with him?'_

_Cas shifted a little. 'Ordinarily I would say he would have to be killed.' Alex's eyes widened._

_'Cas.' The eldest Winchester looked appalled._

_'This child is half demon and half human, but it's far more powerful than either. Other cultures call this hybrid cambion or katako. You know him as the antichrist.' Cas moved to sit at the table and a noise emanated from the chair he chose. Alex snapped her head round to look at Dean, who raised his eyebrows. He'd been waiting all day to get someone with that whoopee cushion. 'That wasn't me.' He put his hand under the chair cushion and pulled out the practical joke Dean had bought earlier._

_'Who put that there?' Dean was failing to hide his grin._

_'I don't get it. Jesse is the devil's son?' Alex returned them to the case._

_The angel sighed. 'No, of course not. Your Bible gets more wrong than it does right. The antichrist is not Lucifer's child. It's just demon spawn. But it is one of the devil's greatest weapons in the war against heaven.'_

_'Well, if Jesse's a demonic howitzer, then what the hell's he doing in Nebraska?' Dean asked._

_'The demons lost him. They can't find him. But they're looking.' Cas stood again._

_'And they lost him because?' Alex pressed for more._

_'Because of the child's power. It hides him from both angels and demons. For now.'_

_'So he's got, like, a force field around him. Well, that's great. Problem solved.'_

_'With Lucifer risen, this child grows strong. Soon, he will do more than just make a few toys come to life - something that will draw the demons to him. The demons will find this child. Lucifer will twist this boy to his purpose. And then, with a word, this child will destroy the Host of Heaven.'_

_'You're saying...he's like James.' Alex said quietly._

_Castiel looked at her with sympathy. 'No. James has a choice.'_

_'Why can't this kid have a choice too?' Dean asked. 'We're the good guys. We don't just kill children.'_

_'A year ago, we would have done whatever it took to win this war.' Cas mused, looking down at the floor. 'But things have changed.'_

_'I can't even consider hurting him. It'd be just like hurting James.'_

_'We can't just leave him here either, Alex.' Dean said, thinking as he placed a comforting hand on his sister's shoulder. 'We know that. So...' He paused. 'We take him to Bobby's. He'll know what to do?'_

_'You'll kidnap him? What is going on in this town, it's what happens when this thing is happy. You cannot imagine what it will do if it's angry. Besides, how will you hold him? With a thought, he could be halfway around the world.' Cas' voice was steady and reasonable. 'We have to think of all the options. I do not want to hurt a child, Dean. But he _is_ demon spawn.' He looked down at Alex. 'James is different.'_

_'So we tell him the truth. You say Jesse's destined to go dark side - fine. But he hasn't yet. So if we lay it all out for him - what he is, the apocalypse, everything - he might make the right choice.' She took a breath. 'We're gonna have to tell James the same thing right? He's not destined for the dark side...but he could choose it.'_

_She stood up, walking over to Cas. 'We have to try.'_

Alex jumped as the motel door room shut and Sammy walked out. 'Hey.' He said, moving over to jump up onto the roof of the Impala beside her. 'Couldn't find anywhere higher to climb?' He asked.

'I was gonna, but the motel manager was watching me.' She sighed heavily.

'Dean filled me in on everything. You're gonna go talk to the kid tomorrow huh?'

'Yeah. I don't know if it'll do any good...' Alex pinched the bridge of her nose. 'How do you tell a kid he's got all this power and that he's hard wired for evil?' She looked over at Sam. 'How do I tell James that?'

'James isn't hard wired for evil, Alex.' Sam replied sincerely.

'No, but the capacity for it is in him.'

'He'll choose the right path.'

'You didn't.'

Sam's jaw tightened and he stiffened as Alex immediately regretted her words. He looked away. 'No, I didn't. But I do now. And James will too. He has us, Alex. He has Cas. He won't be a force for evil.'

'I don't know if I want him fighting for angels either.' She admitted. 'Why does it have to be him? Why us? Why couldn't we all just be...normal?' She felt like she was going to cry and Sam leant closer, wrapping an arm around her.

'Because...we're Winchesters. Normal was never on the cards for us.'

Alex nodded, not saying anything further.

Being a Winchester sometimes sucked the big one.

* * *

Knocking on the door, Alex and Dean were not surprised to see that Jesse was home alone again. He looked up at them with trepidation, wondering what they were back for.

'You okay kiddo?' Dean asked and Jesse nodded.

'Can we come in and talk to you for a minute, Jesse?' Alex asked and he nodded again, standing back so they could enter the house. Alex smiled at him as he shut the door.

'Have I done something wrong?' The boy asked, standing in the hall.

'Why don't we go sit down?' Alex said softly, gesturing to the living room and Jesse moved past them, standing in front of the fireplace. The two Winchesters took spots on the sofa and Jesse eyed them warily. Alex took a breath. 'Jesse, you know some weird stuff has been happening around town right?'

'I heard a couple of tenth graders stomach exploded because they drank pops rocks and coke.' He said, looking between the two adults.

'Have you ever noticed anything weird you've done before, Jesse?' Dean asked, and the boy stiffened a little.

'Maybe...some stuff...but...it's all imaginary right? I didn't do anything.' He looked a bit panicked.

'Hey, hey.' Alex raised a hand. 'No, sweetie, look, we're gonna tell you the truth okay? We're - er...'

Dean smiled. 'You're a superhero.' Jesse's eyes widened. 'See, my - my partner and I, we work for a secret government agency. It's our job to find kids with special powers. In fact, we're here to take you to a hidden base in South Dakota, where you'll be trained to fight evil.'

'Like the X-Men?' The boy asked.

'Exactly like the X-Men.' Alex said and Dean chuckled, standing up.

'In fact, the, uh, guy we're taking you to—he's even in a wheelchair. You'll be a hero. You'll save lives. You'll get the girl. Sounds like fun, right?' He sounded hopeful, then found himself slung against the wall. Julia, the woman they'd found was Jesse's real mom, walked into the room, her eyes black. Alex jumped to her feet.

'They're lying to you.' The demon said, motioning with her other arm to pin Alex against the wall next to her brother. She smiled at the boy. 'Stay right there.' She ordered Alex. 'Can't hurt you. Orders.' Alex would have frowned if she could move. 'You, on the other hand?' The demon looked to Dean, then flicked her wrist, hurling him against another wall and back again.

'Leave him alone!' Jesse shouted. The demon paused and looked at him.

'Jesse.' She cooed. 'You're beautiful. You have your father's eyes.'

'Who are you?' He questioned, confused.

'I'm your mother.'

'No, you're not.'

The demon smiled, nodding her head. 'You're half human...half one of us.'

'She means demons, Jesse!' Dean yelled, and the demon glared at him, holding up her hand and clenching it into a fist. Dean groaned loudly and Alex struggled against the power that held her. Her hand moved away from the wall, and she felt the hold on her weakening. The demon didn't notice as she bent down to Jesse's level.

'Those people you call your parents - they lied to you, too. You're not theirs - not really.'

'My mom and dad love me.' The frightened boy insisted.

The demon tilted her head to the side. 'Do they? Is - is that why they leave you alone all day? Because they love you so much? These people, these imposters, they told you that the tooth fairy was real and that your toys could hurt you and a hundred other things that aren't true. They love you so much, they made your whole life a lie. Look into your heart, Jesse. You've always known you weren't theirs. You've always known you were different. Everyone has lied to you.' She glanced to Alex and Dean. 'They're not FBI agents. And you're not a superhero.'

'Then what am I?'

'You're powerful. You can have anything you want. You can do anything you want.' She smiled, knowing what words to use to entice him.

'Don't listen to her, Jesse!' Dean cried out again as the demon used a stronger wave of power on him.

'They treated you like a child. Nobody trusted you. Everybody's lied to you. Doesn't that make you angry?' Jesse's fist clenched and the demon smiled as the lights began to flicker. 'See? It does make you angry. But I'm telling you the truth, Jesse.' The vase on the mantelpiece shattered and the window cracked. Behind the demon, Alex fought against the force pinning her to the wall, and broke through, dropping to the floor. The demon still didn't notice. Dean's eyes widened as his sister broke through. 'Wouldn't it be better if there were no lies? Come with me and you can wash it all clean. Start over. Imagine that—a world without lies.'

'She's right. We lied to you.' Alex said suddenly, and the demon span round, frowning when she saw Alex had broken free. Her eyes were swallowed by the black again. Alex ignored her. 'But I'll tell you the truth.'

The demon raised a hand and clenched it into a fist, but Alex looked at her passively, wincing slightly but not being overly affected by the power. She didn't know how, but she wasn't feeling it as she should. Only, they had more pressing issues.

'Stop it.' Jesse ordered, and the demon turned to him. 'I want to hear what she has to say.'

'You're stronger than I thought.' The demon mused, looking back to Alex, who stood with a challenging look on her face.

'We lied to you. And I'm sorry. So here's the truth. I'm Alex Winchester. That's my brother, Dean. W-we hunt monsters.' Alex said, directing her words at Jesse.

'Except when your family are the monsters. Right, Alex?'

Alex ignored her. 'And that woman right there, her name is Julia. She's your mother. But the thing inside of her, the thing that you're talking to - it's a demon.'

'A demon?' Jesse asked, his eyebrows high in surprise.

'He's done nothing but lie to you since the moment you met him. Don't listen to him. Punish him.' The demon snarled, looking back to the child.

Jesse fixed her with a glare. 'Sit down and shut up.' A chair flew across the room, and the demon was forced into it, she struggled, trying to get words out. Jesse looked back up to Alex.

Alex nodded. 'There's, uh, kind of a...a war between angels and demons, and...you're a part of it.'

'I'm just a kid.' His voice was so lonely and broken that Alex felt sick. She knew she'd have to face this again someday.

'I know. I know, sweetie. I have a son. His names is James. He's only five...and he's the same as you.'

'He's half demon too?'

'Similar.' She admitted. 'But he's going to be like you. Powerful. And he'll have to make a choice. You have that choice too, Jesse. You can go with her if you want. I can't stop you. No one can. But if you do...millions of people will die.' She moved closer to him, kneeling down. 'You're not all demon, Jesse. You're half human too. You can do the right thing. You've got choices, Jesse. But if you make the wrong ones, it'll haunt you for the rest of your life.'

Jesse moved back. 'Why are you telling me this?' He cried, raising his hands to his head.

The mother in Alex wanted nothing more than to comfort the boy. 'Because I have to believe you can make the right choice. Because then I know that my son can too.' The boy dropped his hands, looking between Alex and the demon in the chair. He turned, facing the creature full on, glaring at her.

'Get out of her.' The chair flew back against the wall and black smoke poured from Julia's mouth, flitting around the room and disappearing up the chimney. Dean hit the floor panting, holding his throat, looking up at Alex and James.

'How did you do that?' He asked.

'I just did.' Jesse shrugged.

'Kid...you're awesome.' He said, getting to his feet. Jesse looked over at Alex.

'Is she gonna be all right?' He motioned to Julia, out cold in the chair. Alex nodded.

'Eventually.'

'What now?'

Dean looked down at Alex, who slowly got to her feet. 'Now we take you some place safe, get you trained up. You'd be handy in a fight, kid.'

'What if I don't want to fight?' His bottom lip was wobbling a little bit, and Alex was torn in half. She wanted so bad to just give him a hug, make him feel better. But this wasn't just a bad day for the kid - this was what he was, the rest of his life. It was what James would have to face some day. How could a kid possibly understand all this?

'You're powerful. More powerful than...pretty much anything we've ever seen. That makes you -' Alex was cut off as the boy looked away.

'A freak.'

'To some people, maybe.' She admitted. 'But not to us. See, our whole family is full of freaks.'

Jesse sighed. 'I can't stay here, can I?'

Dean shook his head. 'No. The demons know where you are, and more will be coming.'

'I won't go without my mom and dad.'

Alex nodded. 'There's nothing more important than family. We get that. And if you really want to take them with you, we'll back your play. But you got to understand - it's gonna be dangerous for them, too.'

'What do you mean?'

'Our dad...' Dean started. 'He would take us with him wherever he went.'

'Where is he now?''

'Dead. A demon killed him.' Alex said sadly, wishing once again that she'd seen John before he'd gone.

'Look, Jesse...once you're in this fight...' Dean crouched down in front of the boy. 'You're in it till the end. Win or lose.' He glanced to Alex, feeling her stiffen.

Jesse considered this for a moment, then looked at both of them. 'What should I do?' He asked.

'We can't tell you. It's your choice. It's not fair. I know.' Alex replied quietly.

'I want to see my parents...to say goodbye...' He whispered and Dean looked to Alex, who nodded.

'Go grab a bag, kiddo. We'll wait here and we'll go see if we can find your parents, okay?' Jesse nodded and left the room, trudging up the stairs reluctantly. Dean turned to Alex, a frown on his face. 'How the hell did you get free?'

Alex raised her hands. 'Trust me, I have absolutely _no_ clue.' She looked towards the stairs. 'I just...pushed back. Look, we'll ask Cas when we get back, okay? He might know something.'

'You've never been able to fight against demons like that before. Only person I've seen do that is...' Dean trailed off. 'Sam.' He finished, raising a hand in questioning. 'You haven't been, er, _ingesting _anything, have you?'

She looked disgusted at his question. 'Ew, you mean demon blood? Gross, Dean. Why would I do that?'

He shrugged. 'I don't know. Just tryin' to connect the dots here.' He looked back towards the stairs. 'You think he's gonna be alright?'

'Who knows? It's a big deal.' She sighed, sitting back down on the sofa. 'Why do these things happen to little kids? James, Jesse...they're innocent. Neither of them asked to be like this.' Dean reached down, putting a hand on her shoulder.

'We'll figure it out, kiddo. We always do, right?' He smiled affectionately, but she wasn't looking at him. 'I'm gonna go check he's okay.'

Dean wandered off, and Alex sat in silence for a few moments, her mind playing back over what the demon had said. _'Can't hurt you. Orders.'_ What the hell did that mean? Who was giving orders not to hurt her? And how in the hell had she managed to get free of the demon's power? Dean was right; Sam had been able to do that. And it wasn't something that making her feel all kinds of warm inside. In fact, she was terrified.

'Alex!' Dean's shout had her jumping to her feet and running up the stairs. Dean stood in Jesse's room, a piece of paper in his hands. He looked up as Alex ran in and just like that, she knew they'd lost him.

* * *

She checked on James, heart lightening as she saw him curled up in his duvet, sleeping peacefully. Uncle Sammy had worn him out with comics and games all day, and Alex was grateful for a change. Her and Dean had searched the town for Jesse but turned up nothing, and even Cas could find no sign, what with him being hidden from angels. She only hoped the little boy would make the right choice. And that she could help James make the right one too...

Dean hadn't mentioned anything further to do with her sudden ability to repel demon powers, and Cas hadn't returned yet for her to raise it with him. Neither of them had said anything to Sam, and she was at a loss. So as she undressed down to her camisole and the boxers she'd stolen from Dean's bag, she tried to keep her mind clear. Slipping in between the sheets, she sighed heavily, closing her eyes and hoping she'd wake up feeling a bit better.

She didn't hear the fluttering of wings as Cas appeared in the room, so she jumped a little when the bed dipped under his weight.

'Cas?' She asked and he reached out, taking her slender hand in his larger one. 'You okay?'

'I feel I should ask you that question.' He muttered. 'I am conflicted.'

'Why?' She asked, sitting up to face him.

'Because the boy, Jesse, he should have been eliminated. He is a threat.' Alex went to pull her hand away, but Cas gripped it tightly. 'But I could not. Even thinking it -' He paused. 'All I could think was what if it was James?' A lump formed in her throat and she nodded silently in agreement. 'These decisions are hard.'

'Part of being human, Cas.'

'But I am not human.' He said, somewhat sadly. 'I'm an angel. I always will be an angel.' He looked over towards the bed containing their son. 'We will never be a normal family, Alex, no matter how much you or I desire it.'

'You want that?' She asked breathlessly.

He looked up at her, and in the dim light of the motel room, she swore his eyes shone with moisture. 'How could I not?'

* * *

Dean looked over the bar at the voluptuous blonde giving him the eye. She smiled flirtatiously and turned, swayed her ass as she moved away from the bar. The eldest Winchester grinned and tipped back the whiskey he was drinking. Sam followed his gaze and rolled his eyes.

'Not tonight, man. I need some sleep.' He yawned widely and Dean looked at him, mockingly shocked by the accusation. Then he tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders.

'Always the back seat of the Impala.'

'You promised Alex you wouldn't do that any more. She says it's unsanitary.'

'She does it in the woods with an angel. What the hell can she say?'

'I thought you were over that.' Sam asked, raising an eyebrow as he took a swig of his beer. Dean clenched his teeth. 'I thought the Cas and Alex love train was okay by you.'

'It is. And it isn't.' Dean said, running his finger around the rim of his glass. 'I mean, yeah, she's happy and James is happy having his dad around, and we've been doing alright but...we're Winchesters, dude. This stuff never goes smoothly for long, lets face it. And there's the whole apocalypse thing. We're hidden for now, but at some point, shit's gonna come to a head.'

Sam pressed his lips together in concern. 'Yeah. I guess. But can't we enjoy it whilst it lasts? I mean, I'm loving being back on the job with you, and with Alex, but these last couple of days, just being Uncle Sammy?' He smiled. 'I've really enjoyed that.' He nudged his brother. 'Maybe you should take a shift babysitting whilst me and Alex do a job. You might enjoy it.'

'James is too young for strip clubs. I wouldn't know what to do with him.'

His younger brother chuckled. 'You could go play football. Or teach him how to pick up girls. Or, hey! Use him as a wing man. Those cute baby blues, he'd have women eating out of your hand.'

'He's five, Sam.'

'And?'

'Sometimes I think you're the messed up one.'

* * *

Alex smiled over at Cas as he made a coffee, adding more sugars than she would usually approve of. He smiled back, and they both turned as James came running into the kitchen, an action figure held high in the air above him. 'Mom! Dad!' He jumped up onto one of the kitchen stools, leaning over onto the counter, dark blond hair falling over his eyes. 'The new Superman movie is out next week! Can we go?'

She looked to Cas who shrugged. 'Sure, buddy. If your dad can get the time off work, then we'll go yeah?'

'I'm sure I can get an afternoon off.' Cas said, placing his coffee on the side. 'Besides, isn't someone's tenth birthday coming up?'

'Yes!' James fist pumped the air. 'You guys rock.' He climbed off of the stool and ran round to hug his mom, placing a gentle kiss to the top of her rounded bump. 'Love you, little sis.' Alex ruffled his hair.

'Go on, you'll be late for soccer practice. Uncle Dean is picking you up.'

'Cool, you think he'll let me drive?'

'Maybe he'll even let you borrow it to score chicks.' Alex said, and James screwed up his face.

'That's gross, Mom.' She chuckled, and passed him his bag with his clean soccer kit inside. A car horn sounded outside, and he took off running, throwing a goodbye over his shoulder. Alex watched him leave, smiling as warm arms slipped around her waist.

'Mmmm. We have the house to ourselves. I do love Sunday mornings.' Cas whispered in her ear and she giggled, placing one hand over the top of his where it rested on top of her bump.

'Make the most of it. Only another two months and it's sleepless nights and diaper changes.' She whispered back.

'You know all the right things to say to turn me on, baby.' He chuckled, burying his nose in her hair. 'But you really think we're gonna do this?'

'Do what?' She turned in his arms, resting her forehead against his.

'I told you. We could never be normal.' He looked down and Alex followed his gaze, seeing her figure change between seven months pregnant wearing a mauve blouse and canvas slacks to her usual flat stomach, jeans, boots and the plaid shirt and tee combo she'd worn to hunt. She looked up at him, and he was changing in front of her, his usual Sunday casual attire replaced with a wrinkled business suit and tan trench coat. His expression was serious as he gazed down at her and she looked around, panicked as the house was replaced with a graveyard.

'Mommy. I forgot where I was going.' James' five-year-old voice came from behind her and she turned, pushing Cas away. James looked up at her with black eyes. 'You didn't show me properly.'

'No.' She whispered.

'There's angel grace in you too.' Cas said, running a hand down her back to linger on her anti-possession tattoo. 'Rules changed for you, sweetheart.' It wasn't Castiel's voice. It sounded like it, but his words were...tinged with something else. Something darker. 'You can't be hurt. We have our orders.'

'Something wants you bad, mommy.' James was closer to her now, his black eyes burning into her. 'Wants me too.'

'Angels were watching over you.' Cas' mocking voice came from behind her. 'Now they're chasing you.'

She woke with a start, sweating profusely. Bolting upright, Cas moved with her from where he'd been laying with her whilst she sleep. 'Alex? Are you okay?'

Her chest was heaving as she tried to push the nightmare away, her eyes moving over to where James slept peacefully. 'I'm...I'm okay.' She whispered and tried not to tense as Cas' arms went around her. 'It was just a nightmare.'

And god, she hoped she could believe that.


	19. Chapter 19

**Usual disclaimers, unbeta'd, yadda yadda, lemme know what you think and thank you to all those who have reviewed so far. Got a bit of angst in here...nothing's ever smooth in this universe huh?**

* * *

**September 2009**

'I'm going back to Bobby's.'

Her words were soft, and so unexpected that Dean and Sam both blinked for a moment. Cas watched her, unsure of what she was saying.

'You guys carry on without me for a while. I need to...I need a break.'

Dean dropped his burger on his plate, looking past her to where James was watching cartoons on the crappy motel TV. They'd stopped a while longer in Alliance to catch their breath, and now he was beginning to regret it. The job with the demon boy had rattled Alex more than they'd realised. 'You can't just "take a break", Alex. There's jobs that need doing.'

'You don't need me at the moment.' She reasoned, her tone resigned. Sam recognised it. She'd done this before.

'Are you...planning on disappearing again?' He asked slowly, earning an alarmed look from Castiel.

'Alex, you need to stay with your brothers.' The angel said, reaching out to grasp her hand. She pulled away, and he looked a little hurt, and the brothers looked confused by the reaction.

'No, I need to sleep. And think about...look, I just need a couple of weeks. Whoever is after us, they won't think we're stupid enough to go back to Sioux Falls. And the house is warded.'

'What if they decide to burn it down?' Dean pointed out.

'Considering they want us alive, I don't think they will.' She responded, her eyes still on the table. She didn't want to look up, didn't want to look them in the eye. If she did...her resolve might crumble. She had to leave. She had to figure stuff out. 'We'll get a bus back.'

'No, you won't.' Her younger brother looked to Dean. 'We'll take you back.'

'She's not going back.' Dean argued.

'Yes, I am, Dean.' She said, standing up. 'And if you don't wanna take me, then fine. But we're going.' And she walked away, laying down on the bed behind James, who remained oblivious to the entire conversation. Dean and Sam watched, and Castiel stood, hesitating for a second. Then he disappeared.

'I think she upset him.' Sam muttered to his brother and Dean raised an eyebrow.

'What's gotten into her?' He said, thankful that James had the television on loudly so neither of them would hear. 'She's been funny since...'

'Since the demon boy. Yeah, I know. I heard Cas asking her if she was okay after her nightmare this morning. Do you think she might have dreamt something?'

'Like your psychic thing?' Dean thought for a moment. 'Yesterday, when we were at that kid's house, she pushed through a demon's powers like it was a gentle breeze. Something is going on there, man. I'm not happy about leaving her at Bobby's.'

'What are we meant to do, Dean? Tie her up in the back of the Impala and force her to come with us.' Sam sighed when his brother appeared to consider it. 'We're not doing that. We'll take her back to Bobby's. Try and talk some sense into her on the way.'

It hadn't worked of course. The whole journey was made in silence. Castiel hadn't reappeared whenever they'd stopped, and although they'd asked Bobby to break the warding so he could join Alex and James back in Sioux Falls, it looked unlikely that the angel would come back at this time. Alex didn't question it, remaining silent and morose the whole trip. When they arrived back at the yard in the dead of night, James was asleep, and Alex barely greeted Bobby when she walked into the house with her son on her shoulder.

The aged hunter looked to the brothers in questioning, and Dean raised his hands. 'Don't ask us, man. She's in a mood. Has been since she woke up this morning.'

Whilst Bobby and the brothers caught up over a beer downstairs, Alex was putting James to bed. The boy didn't stir, she checked the warding on his room before switching his night light on and leaving the door open a crack. She went into her room and stood by the window, looking out over the yard. It was a clear night, and the moon was full. She liked it when the sky looked like that.

A urge overtook her and she opened the window, climbing out onto the roof. She crawled over to the edge, sitting down, swinging her legs over the side. When Cas appeared behind her, she didn't turn to look at him.

'Something is bothering you.' He stated, standing a few feet away, observing her. He wasn't sure what to do.

'I'm fine.' She muttered, picking at the asphalt.

'Will a few days here make any difference?' He asked, ignoring her lie. She shrugged and he took a step closer. 'I will stay with you. The angel warding can be rebuilt - it will be uncomfortable but I will stay.'

She wanted to be touched by his willingness to do that, but she couldn't let herself. Ignoring the tears building up behind her eyes, she refused to look at him. 'No. You should go.'

He blinked, not sure what to say. 'But...Alex...I don't understand.'

'No, I know you don't. Because you're an angel. Not human. Not normal. Just like we'll never be right?' Her voice was quiet and calm. 'We'll never have a normal family. And even if we did...it wouldn't work. Because I'm a Winchester, and I'm cursed.' She looked up at him then, and tried to keep her face neutral. 'Just go, Cas. Go do whatever it is you were doing before. Because this...' She gestured between. 'Is only gonna end in hurt.'

He watched her for a long moment, then disappeared.

Alex waited until she was sure he was gone.

Then she let the tears fall.

* * *

**Sioux Falls, October 2009**

It had been six weeks since she'd returned to the Singer residence and her brothers had left without her. Five weeks since Castiel had disappeared from the rooftop at her insistence. She was miserable. She spent her days concentrating on James' schoolwork, his hunter training (with the help of Bobby when he wasn't doing something else) and trying not to break down.

She spent her nights awake, cold, lonely, and testing the limits of her physical strength. As the days passed, she whittled down the small amount of weight she'd gained in the previous few years and toned herself, making herself into the blunt instrument John Winchester had wanted of all his kids. She hid her activities from Bobby, but she knew on some level he was aware.

God, she missed Cas. But the nightmare had shown her what laid down that path. Nothing good could come of it. He would turn, James would pick the wrong path, and she would lose everything. Better to lose it on her terms, right?

Dean and Sam had tried calling her numerous times, but she ignored them. They passed messages on through Bobby, but she didn't return any of them. When Bobby went off to help them with a case, and came back with the tale of an elderly Dean nearly dying, she couldn't even muster a smile at her brother's stupidity.

October stretched into November, and she still didn't return to them.

It was only with the appearance of another angel that she realised she was only going to be able to run for so long.

* * *

**Wellington, Ohio, November 2009**

He could have kicked himself for not figuring out what the Trickster really was. Now they had him trapped in the holy oil, it was clear as day and Dean was pissed for the games they'd been put through. He hated being played, more than anything, and jumping through this douchebag's hoops for three days had him in a foul mood. More foul than the mood he'd been in since they'd dropped Alex at Bobby's and not heard from her again.

The "Trickster" clapped. 'Well played, boys. Well played. Where'd you get the holy oil?'

Dean shrugged. 'Well, you might say we pulled it out of Sam's ass.' His brother shot him a filthy look at that.

'Where'd I screw up?'

'You didn't.' Sam said. 'Nobody gets the jump on Cas like you did.'

'Mostly it was the way you talked about Armageddon.' Dean pointed out.

'Meaning?' The "Trickster" wanted them to elaborate, clearly.

'Well, call it personal experience, but nobody gets that angry unless they're talking about their own family.' The eldest Winchester responded.

'So which one are you? Grumpy, Sneezy, or Douchey?' Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.

The "Trickster" sighed. 'Gabriel, okay? They call me Gabriel.'

'Gabriel?' Sam looked over at Dean then back to the angel. 'The archangel?'

Gabriel raised a hand. 'Guilty.'

'Okay, _Gabriel_. How does an archangel become a trickster?' Dean demanded, and Gabriel made a face, lifting his shoulders slightly.

'My own private witness protection. I skipped out of heaven, had a face transplant, carved out my own little corner of the world. Till you two screwed it all up.'

Dean scoffed a little. 'What did Daddy say when you ran off and joined the pagans?'

'Daddy doesn't say anything about anything.' Gabriel practically spat the words.

Sam frowned. 'Then what happened? Why'd you ditch?'

Dean looked over at Sam. 'Do you blame him? I mean, his brothers are heavyweight douchenozzles.'

Gabriel's face darkened as he looked at the elder Winchester. 'Shut your cakehole. You don't know anything about my family. I love my father, my brothers. Love them. But watching them turn on each other? Tear at each other's throats? I couldn't bear it! Okay? So I left. And now it's happening all over again.' He ended the sentence in a frustrated rush.

'Then help us stop it.' Sam said unexpectedly, and Dean rolled his eyes, knowing this path wouldn't get anywhere.

'It can't be stopped.' The archangel said, resigned to the fact.

'You wanna see the end of the world?' Dean asked.

Gabriel threw his arms up and dropped them again. 'I want it to be over! I have to sit back and watch my own brothers kill each other thanks to you two! Heaven, hell, I don't care who wins, I just want it to be over.'

'It doesn't have to be like that. There has to be some way to,' Sam fished for words. 'To pull the plug.'

Gabriel laughed, but it was sad and forlorn. 'You do not know my family. What you guys call the apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That's why there's no stopping this, because this isn't about a war. It's about two brothers that loved each other and betrayed each other. You'd think you'd be able to relate.'

'What are you talking about?' Sam asked, but Dean's face said he already knew what the archangel was referring to.

'You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, and Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! One brother has to kill the other. But if you don't do it, there's always someone else to step in.'

Dean and Sam's attention was rapt at the second. 'What the hell are you saying?' The eldest spat.

'Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Or...' He fixed them with a look. 'Your sister.'

Dean's eyes narrowed, and Sam stepped forward, his hand on his gun, although he knew it wouldn't do any good. 'No. That's not gonna happen.'

'I'm sorry. But it is. She's an easy target. I'm surprised they haven't got her by now, but then she's always been _protected._ Our dear little Cassie. Hell, if I'd known where she was, I'd have had a few games myself.' He chuckled. 'Although she's a little rougher around the edges than she should be.' He sighed. 'Face it boys. I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow...but this is real, and it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be.' Neither of the Winchesters said anything, and Gabriel clapped his hands, rubbing them together. 'So. Boys. Now what? We stare at each other for the rest of eternity?'

Dean glared at him. 'Well, first of all, you're gonna bring Cas back from wherever you stashed him.'

'Oh am I?'

'Yeah. Or we're going to dunk you in some holy oil and deep-fry ourselves an archangel.' The threat was very real, and Gabriel knew it. He rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers, bringing Castiel back from wherever he'd flung him. The angel stumbled a little, looking slightly worse for wear. Dean reached out to him. 'Cas, you okay?'

'I'm fine. Hello, Gabriel.' He stared at the archangel.

'Hey, bro. How's the search for Daddy going? Let me guess. Awful.' Cas glared daggers at him, and Dean turned.  
'Okay, we're out of here. Come on, Sam.' He began to walk away.  
'Uh. Okay. Guys?' Gabriel watched as Sam turned and walked away. 'So, so what? Huh?' Cas took his turn, moving to follow the two brothers. 'You're just gonna, you're gonna leave me here forever?'

Dean paused at the door, looking back at the archangel they had trapped in the holy oil. 'No. We're not, 'cause we don't screw with people the way you do. And for the record? This isn't about some prize fight between your brothers or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about you being too afraid to stand up to your family.' He reached over and pulled the fire alarm, setting the sprinkler system off. 'Don't say I never did anything for you.'

He left the warehouse, followed closely by Sam and Castiel. Gabriel glared at them as they left. He knew that after what he had said, they would be on the road, heading straight for their sister. Cas would likely follow. Gabriel knew he wouldn't be able to just zap over there, not right now. He'd pulled a number on his little brother.

Alex was hiding out at the Singer yard, playing the odds. Hide where you are least likely to be found. She was smart.

Pity he was smarter.

Appearing in the yard a few hours later, he smiled at the house. It was heavily warded and he wouldn't be getting in any time soon. Luckily enough, there were only two people inside, and neither of them was his target. Bobby Singer snored loud enough to wake the dead on the lower floor, and James Winchester, the poor chosen little warrior, slept soundly, his dreams probably consisting of racing cars and monsters his mommy would fight away.

Alex Winchester was not inside. She was at the furthest point of the yard, running the drills John Winchester had hammered into her and her siblings all those years ago, pushing herself to be Daddy's weaponised little girl, the thing she'd never really wanted to be. Gabriel ran his eyes over her as he approached. She'd working herself into pure muscle, and watching her as she did press ups in the flimsy shorts and camisole, he could see the appeal for Castiel; even if Castiel hadn't quite caught on that quick.

'You're gonna kill yourself if you carry on like this, you know.' His voice made her jump to her feet, and she whirled, brandishing a hunting knife. Gabriel didn't want to know where she'd pulled that from. 'That won't hurt me.'

'Who are you?' She demanded, her entire body tensed and ready to spring. He held his hands up.

'Relax. No fighty.' He smiled. 'I just thought I'd beat your brothers here. Let you in on a few home truths.'

'My brothers?'

'Yeah.' He clicked his tongue, kicking at the dirt of the yard floor. 'We had a run in. I said some things, they said some things, feelings were hurt. Let's just say, they're all worried about you.'

Alex frowned, her stance relaxing a little. 'Why?'

'Well. This whole thing. The apocalypse.' He held his hands out. 'Dean and Sam. The vessels. They're not the only ones.' She was tense again now, and Gabriel walked a bit closer, not worried about the knife in the slightest. 'I can see what Castiel saw in you, you know. Everyone knows what baby bro's been up to in the dark. But no one seems to be doing anything about it.' He sniggered. 'Except you, that is. Weren't interested any more?'

'Shut your mouth.' She spat, raising the knife a little.

'Really? Your little pigsticker ain't gonna hurt me, princess.' He leaned in. 'Name's Gabriel.'

Her eyes widened a little. 'As in...'

'The archangel.' He bowed a little. 'And I have a vested interest in this apocalypse. Being over. Dean and Sam need to say yes. They're the _preferred_ vessels of course.' He looked at Alex, who blinked in confusion. 'You have no idea, do you? What's been happening to you? The dreams you've been having, when you bother to sleep, that is. You're the mother of the warrior, yes. That _was_ your destiny. Not your only choice. Your brothers are destined to be vessels, but we all know how fickle fate is. There is another option.' He smiled. 'You getting it yet?'

'It's not...'

'Not James. No. James is lucky. He can never be possessed.' Gabriel smiled. 'But the mother...oh she had to be just as strong as the warrior himself. Given the grace of an angel to conceive.' He screwed his face up. 'They really sucked all the fun out of that for you, didn't they? And Cas, come to think of it. Had plenty of practice since though, huh?'

Alex gripped her weapon harder. 'If you have a point, make it.'

'The Winchester sister. Descendant of the line that was worthy of possession by Michael and Lucifer. And the bonus prize – _no one needs permission_ _to take you._' He winked. 'That's the catch. You're strong enough to train the warrior, the son you gave birth to. The son you and Cas gave life to. Strong enough to protect him as he grows. But who's gonna protect you? Lucifer and Michael don't need permission to ride you, girl. They'll just take. They'll wait for Dean and Sam, yes, just as destiny dictates. But as the time grows closer, one of them is gonna come for you. Just depends who it is who cracks first, really.'

'You're lying.'

'No, I'm really not.' Gabriel said, watching the suddenly pale girl. 'You know I'm not. The dreams, the ability to fight off demon power? You know what's coming. And you can't stop it. Your brothers won't be able to protect you. And once one of them has you...well, little James will do anything his mommy says right?'

'No.' Alex whispered. 'Cas...he'll...'

'He'll what? Protect you? He'll try.' Gabriel fixed her with a deadly look. 'And he'll die for his trouble.'

The sound of a car approaching made Gabriel turned. Alex's eyes flickered up as the lights from the Impala flashed through the yard. The archangel turned back to her.

'I guess I'd better go. I'll let you decide whether to share this information with your brothers or not.' And he was gone. Alex stood, alone in the yard, her eyes on the dirt as she listened to her brothers and Cas get out of the car. Bobby greeted them at the door loudly, knowing she was out there. It was a warning to get her ass inside.

She didn't take it.

* * *

Alex sat by the window in the living room, trying to remember the last time she slept. Castiel had gone to look for Gabriel, without speaking to her, and she knew she deserved it, but it still hurt. Bobby had returned to his makeshift bed in the study, and Sam had gone upstairs to try and catch a couple of hours. The only other person still awake in the house was Dean, and he was rifling through lore books like there was no tomorrow.

'You're not going to find anything.' She said quietly. 'There's no way out of this.'

'There is, and we'll find it. You're giving up too easy.' Dean grumbled, not looking up at her.

'It's either gonna be me or one of you. They're not giving us a choice here.' Alex sighed, resting her chin in the crook of her elbow as she stared out the window. She was tired. Bone deep weary. But she knew if she went to her room, she'd only climb out on the roof and watch the sun rise. Sleep was too terrifying to comprehend; bringing her dreams in which James was black eyed, killing, doing things little boys should not.

'We have a choice. We fight. We run. We hide. We do whatever we have to do to get away.'

Alex looked over at him. 'What if we don't?'

Dean looked up then. 'Are you...are you giving up? Already?' He asked, shock covering his face. 'Alex, you can't...'

'Maybe...if I give myself over...willingly, even though they don't even need permission, maybe if I give myself over it will give you and Sam a chance to run, to hide...' She paused. 'To keep James safe.'

'You said Gabriel said you were strong enough to protect him.' Her brother responded.

'Yes but what if I'm not?' He stood then, moving over to kneel in front of her.

'What's gotten into you Alex? Ever since Alliance...' He cupped her cheek. 'Come on, kiddo. Tell me.'

She dissolved into tears, slumping into her brother's arms. 'I can't sleep. Every time I shut my eyes, James is there, and his eyes, and the blood...' She trailed off into sobs. 'I can't...I'm not strong enough for this, Dean. I spent too long away, too long hiding. I wish I'd never left. Then maybe this wouldn't have happened.'

'It would have happened either way.' Dean said quietly. 'This is not your fault Alex.'

'Yes it is.' She sniffed. 'I should never have been born.'

His hand pulled her head up, and he fixed her with a fierce glare. 'I don't ever want to hear you say that again, you got me?' She stared at him with glassy eyes, sniffing slightly. 'You're my sister, and I love you, and I love James. And Sammy loves you both too.' He pulled her into a hug, yanking her off the sofa. 'And Cas.' He added as an after thought. 'Don't ever think you shouldn't be alive.'

Her sniffing quietened after a few minutes, and they both looked up as a knock came at the door. It was near to 5am, and they looked at each other in confusion. Dean stood, grabbing his gun before moving to the door and opened it. Castiel stood on the front door step, looking slightly confused. 'I reset the wards. I forgot.' Dean rolled his eyes and reached over, scratching a line through one of the sigils. Cas stepped into the house, and Dean shut the door behind him. 'I will reset them again.' Cas said.

'But you're in here.' Dean said, confused.

'It will cause discomfort. But I am not leaving again.' He said firmly. 'Where is Alex?'

The hunter turned, pointing to his sister who was still sitting on the living room floor. Cas followed his directions, frowning at the pale girl slumped awkwardly. He approached cautiously, wondering if she would send him away again. He was still feeling some semblance of hurt at her words from weeks ago, but she looked ill now, and he could not help his urge to care for her. He bent down and picked her up, cradling her in his arms. Alex was too tired to resist.

'I will take her to her room.' He said to Dean, who nodded, not willing to put up any fight at this time of the morning. Alex needed sleep.

'She's been having nightmares.' Her brother said lowly, and Alex buried her head into the collar of Cas' coat.

'I understand.' The angel said, turning and walking to the stairs. He carried her up and into her room, laying her on the bed. She immediately began to resist, heading for the window, and outside, but Cas stopped her, holding her back. With the training she'd been doing, she should have been more than capable of pushing him off, but her body was lacking in sleep and nutrients, and she was so damn tired, she could barely keep her eyes open. 'Alex...stop it. You need rest.'

'I can't. If I sleep...' She trailed off, staring into space. 'I can't see his black eyes again.'

'Whose black eyes?' Castiel asked.

'James'. He'll choose the wrong path. Lucifer is gonna take me and he'll make James follow the wrong path.'

'Where did you hear this?'

'Gabriel.' Alex said, her eyes still unfocused. 'He said...' She blinked, looking up at Cas. 'No one needs permission to take me, Cas. They're gonna take me.'

His expression hardened for a few seconds, then she fell backwards, and he wrapped his arms around her. 'Alex, you need to rest.'

'No. I need to...for James...' Her words were becoming disjointed. How long had it been since she'd slept? Since she'd eaten properly? He'd seen the way her clothes were hanging off her. She'd lost so much weight, although her muscle tone was impeccable, it wouldn't last without adequate sustenance.

'Alex...' Cas pleaded. 'I can keep the nightmares away. Just please...you need to sleep. You're so tired.'

'James...' She whispered. Cas frowned, raising his hand and placing two fingers to her forehead.

'I'm sorry.' He said as he put her to sleep. She slumped back, and he held her tightly, lowering her head to the pillow. He pulled the sheets over her, then stood. He wasn't sure whether to stay or not, knowing she needed comfort, but unsure of his place with her anymore. She'd told him to leave, and she'd been hurtful. He'd missed her and James so much. He knew James was confused by the lack of his presence; Bobby had told Dean and Sam as much. But Alex hadn't been talking to them either.

After a few moments of debate, he pulled off his coat, suit jacket and shoes, slipping into bed behind Alex's unconscious form, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. She would most likely reject him in the morning, but for now, at least he could make sure she was adequately comforted if her nightmares returned.

He lay there, watching the sun rise through the window, his thoughts wandering. He hoped Gabriel had been lying.

But he knew there was a very real possibility he was not.


	20. Chapter 20

**This chapter would have been up earlier, but then Jensen Ackles joined Twitter and the internet exploded.**

**Standard disclaimers apply. Unbeta'd etc.**

**This is your multi-chapter angst warning. I do apologise. But nothing's ever easy right?**

* * *

**Sioux Falls, October 2009**

The first thing she noticed when she opened her eyes, was that it was still dim in her room. Obviously she hadn't slept very long if the sun was only just rising. The second thing she noticed was the pair of warm arms, one wrapped around her waist and the other cradling her around her shoulders. She stiffened a little, unsure of what to do. She hadn't wanted Cas here; if only for the reminder of what she – they – could never have. It hurt to much to contemplate the loss of a life she'd never known, and his being here just made it worse. She waited a moment, waited for him to speak, but the steady pulse of his breath on the back of her neck didn't change, and she frowned, turning in his arms.

Cas was asleep – which threw her straight away. Angels didn't sleep. But here he was, eyes closed, breathing steady, and his face completely relaxed. He looked peaceful. And he wasn't frowning for once, which was something he did an awful lot. She stared, mesmerised by a new side to the angel she hadn't seen before.

But then why was he asleep? Should she wake him? She wasn't sure.

As if to answer her question, he stirred, opening one eye then the other, and the frown returned. 'Alex?' He asked, somewhat unsure. Then he seemed to realise exactly what he'd been doing, and the frown deepened.

And there was the Cas she knew and lo- not going there. He raised his head, confused by the situation they were in. 'Was I asleep?' He asked, and Alex nodded gently, unsure of what exactly to say to him.

He sat up then, and Alex lamented the loss of his warmth as she was left in the sheets by herself. Cas looked towards the window, the frown still affixed to his face.

'We weren't out long.' She muttered.

'Actually, the sun is setting. You have been asleep for at least twelve hours.' He looked down at his wrinkled shirt. 'I remember hearing Dean getting James out of bed and they were playing downstairs. But...the warding must have exhausted me. It is – unusual for me to fall asleep. Angels don't sleep.'

'Guess you needed it as much as me.' She said, keeping her eyes fixed on the window. Then what he said caught up with her and she bolted upright. 'Twelve hours? The _whole_ day?' She threw the sheets off of her legs, moving away from the bed as Cas watched, her frantic movements amusing him slightly. 'I left James alone all day?'

'He was not alone.' The angel pointed out.

'Not the point. I'm his mom. I'm supposed to look after him, protect him. God, what if something had happened?' She changed her clothes, uncaring of what he saw at this moment. He simply watched, raising an eyebrow.

'He is sitting in the kitchen practising his reading with Bobby. Dean is praising him on his aim earlier.' Cas tilted his head. 'I don't see the concern, Alex. He was perfectly safe with Bobby and your brothers.'

Alex whirled on him. 'Why don't you just get out of here?'

'I stayed for a reason, Alex.' His face darkened. 'You were making yourself ill.'

'No, I wasn't. I was making sure I could protect _my_ son.'

He flinched, and she regretted what she'd said, but kept her face still. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, reaching for his shoes and coat. 'You are too stubborn for you own good, Alex Winchester.' She rolled her eyes at him, but he ignored it, pulling his shoes on and standing, swinging the jacket around his head to pull his arms through the sleeves. 'You would do well to realise that you are not alone in this. We are here to help you, to protect you. But if you keep pushing us away, we will not be able to do anything.' He moved closer to her, his face centimetres away from hers. 'You have people who _love_ you, Alex.' The emotion in his eyes terrified her with it's intensity and she swallowed hard.

'I-I know.' She whispered.

He sighed, and she could see the fight in him, the urge to lean forward and close the distance between them. But then he turned, running a hand down his face. 'I will go downstairs and see if Dean found anything last night.' He looked back at her. 'You will not send me away again. I'm staying. For _our_ son.'

And like that, he was gone, out the door. She heard him walk down the stairs with heavy footsteps, and James' excited greeting to him. She could hear them talking downstairs, but couldn't make out the words. And then she sank onto the bed again, wondering how in the hell she'd gotten herself into this mess.

* * *

Dean looked up from his beer as Castiel walked in, raising an eyebrow. James jumped up from the kitchen table, running to the angel and Cas picked him up, smiling broadly at him.

'Daddy! Where've you been?'

'It doesn't matter. I'm back now.' His eyes flickered to Sam at the table and Dean by the kitchen sink. 'Could you go and watch some cartoons for a little while?' James nodded, and Cas put him down, standing straight. Dean waited until the boy was out of earshot.

'She still asleep?' He asked, referring to Alex. The angel looked over at him, and a look passed over his face, which made Dean blink in surprise. Maybe he should stop being worried about the girl in the relationship – although from what Bobby had told him, and from Castiel had _not_ said to anyone, there wasn't much of a relationship going on there any more. And it was his sister who'd ended it, not long after she'd begged Dean to accept them. Which confused the eldest Winchester to no end.

'Alex is awake. She will be down shortly.'

'Cas – you have bed hair, dude.' Sam pointed out. 'You look like you actually slept.'

'I did.' The angel replied, rather resignedly. 'The warding and the effort of staying inside the house, must have exhausted me. I don't know when I fell asleep, but it does not seem to have done much good. I feel just as exhausted now.'

'Yeah, long sleeps'll do that to you.' Dean said, putting his beer on the side. 'She slept for what, fourteen hours?'

'Approximately that, yes. Although, she seems to have woken up in a worse mood. She is unhappy she left James all day.'

Sam frowned, looking over at his brother. 'But...we were here. All day. James wasn't alone. He was safe.'

'Alex is struggling to see it that way.'

'She's been acting odd since she came back here.' Bobby pointed out, wheeling his chair into the kitchen. 'She sleeps maybe two or three hours every other night. Sneaking out the house to train all the time. Thinks I don't notice, but I do. She's turning herself into a weapon.'

Dean looked over to Cas, who nodded in agreement. 'She is making herself ill. She's too focused on protect James that she is forgetting to protect herself.' He stilled, hearing her move from upstairs. 'I would suggest we finish this topic of conversation. Alex would be unhappy to have us talking about her like this.'

The brothers nodded, listening as Alex came down the stairs. 'Are you planning on sticking around this time?' Bobby asked, quietly and Cas nodded.

'I am not leaving them again.' His face became solemn. 'Even if she asks, I will not.'

Alex walked into the kitchen silently, a scowl on her face. 'Whatever it is, I don't wanna hear it.' She moved to the sink, and Dean removed himself from her path, walking over to stand next to Sammy, grabbing his beer en-route. All four men watched as she made herself a glass of water, and when she turned, she ignored them as she drank, finally noticing them all staring as she finished the drink. 'What?'

'Nothing.' Bobby said, turning his wheelchair and leaving the room. Sam and Dean looked at each other, and Cas blinked at her hostility. He turned without a word and walked out, leaving the siblings.

'Alex -' Sam started, only to be fixed with a look that could kill. He swallowed, feeling a lot smaller than he actually was. But then, his sister had always had that really scary streak that even Dean couldn't match. 'Look, we're just worried. After what Gabriel said...'

'I'm fine.' She said, emphasising the word by slamming her glass down on the side. 'I don't need to be babied. I don't need you running back when you think I'm in trouble. If anything, you guys are first in line before me.'

'Problem is, we can resist. We won't say yes.' Dean looked at her. 'You don't need to.'

'If what Gabriel said was true.' She pointed out, putting one hand on her hip. 'We're taking an angel at face value here. Surely they'd have come for my already right?'

'Unless they don't know.' Sam shrugged, standing up. Dean slid his eyes from his sister to his brother.

'I'm betting they do.' He paused. 'They can't find you though. Just like they can't find us. Cause if they could, they'd have all three of us locked away, working on us to say yes.' His train of thought was clear to his siblings, and Alex chewed her bottom lip.

'I don't care if they want me. I just want James safe. Whichever of them tries to hijack my meatsuit, I need to know they won't trick him. Won't make him make that choice for good or evil.' She looked towards the living room, just able to make out James sat on the sofa watching cartoons, Cas sat beside him. The small boy was leaning back into the angel, comfortable, talking about the plot of the cartoon. Castiel probably didn't care which Thundercat was which, but the way he listened and interjected with the right questions, and the smile on her – their – son's face, made her feel worse for separating them for weeks. She didn't want to entertain the idea of any kind of family, no matter her feelings. But James didn't understand, not at this age. She didn't want him to hate her for it.

Sometimes she wished Cas had never shown himself to them. It was worse to have the dream dangled in front of you before it was snatched away.

'You guys need to promise me...' She said quietly, her eyes on the two on the sofa, but she addressed her brothers. 'Keep him safe. If anything ever...' She swallowed thickly. 'Just keep him safe. He's all I care about.'

'You know we will.' Sam said sincerely and opened his mouth to say something else when Dean's phone bleeped loudly in his pocket. The elder brother frowned and pulled the phone out, opening the text message.

'It's Chuck.' He said reading the message. 'Says he needs help, asap.' He looked up to Sam, and then to Alex. She waved her hand dismissively.

'Go.' She said. 'We'll be fine.'

'He's not far. Pineview Hotel. Next county over. We can be there and back in a day.'

'Just go.' Alex sighed, turning away from them. Sam looked at Dean with slumped shoulders, and jerked his head towards the door. Dean nodded, and Sam walked out to grab their stuff. Dean moved up behind his sister, placing a hand on her shoulder.

'Call us if you need us back, okay?' She didn't reply, and he pulled his hand back, sighing heavily, before following Sam out the door.

* * *

Alex sat on the roof again, looking out over the yard into the darkness. Castiel was inside, and she knew he wouldn't follow her out, seeing as he couldn't get back in with the wards in place. She wasn't entirely sure she'd break them to let him back in. Conflicting thoughts and emotions were tearing her apart, and him being here made it worse. She'd love to collapse into his arms, take comfort in him again, but it wasn't an option. After everything that Gabriel had said, and the dreams – she couldn't risk it. There was no point trying to be happy if the endgame was inevitable. All she could do was protect James, make sure he saw the right way, make sure he could be happy, despite his own destiny.

Unfortunately Castiel being around made him happiest at the moment. And she hated to take that away from him.

Dean and Sam had called from the road, saying they were on their way back from a really weird case. Alex hadn't asked for any more details; she hadn't even cared much when Bobby had shouted up to her that they were coming home.

Home. What a joke.

She'd had a home. And that had been taken from her both times.

Her plan was to avoid the boys at all cost. Ignore the jobs, keep training, fight off any threat to her and her son. She knew she couldn't stay in Sioux Falls forever. Maybe a couple more weeks. Then she'd leave, keep moving, keep James safe. She knew Cas would be able to find her, but no other angels would. She could keep them away. It wasn't the life she wanted, but it was the one she was stuck with.

She sighed, taking a long swig of the flat beer she'd been nursing for a couple of hours. When the Impala growled it's way up the drive, she listened as the boys got out and greeted Bobby. She couldn't make out their actual words, but the door shut, and she relaxed, knowing one of them would be up to interrupt her solitude at some point. What she didn't expect was footsteps crunching through the dirt of the yard. She peered over, seeing Sam walking towards the edge of the house she was perched on, and she scowled, realising it was too late to pull her legs up and pretend she wasn't there.

'You coming down?' Her little brother asked, and she flipped him off childishly. He sighed. 'Either you come down or I come up.' He moved over to the drain pipe, and she rolled her eyes. Before he could make the short climb, she pushed herself off of the roof, ignoring his surprised yell of panic, and landed gracefully on her feet. He blinked, looking at her curiously. 'That was...impressive. That's gotta be a 10ft drop.'

'S'nothing.' She turned and folded her arms.

'Can we walk?' He asked.

'Whatever.' Alex replied, and Sam's mouth set into a thin line. He started off across the yard, and Alex followed, keeping pace but looking as disinterested as possible.

'Anyone ever tell you that you're acting like a teenager?' She didn't respond. 'Look, Alex, I know this is hard. It's pretty crappy for all of us. But you got more to lose than us.' He waited for a moment, but she still didn't say anything. 'I'm not gonna bore you with the details. We got a lead on the Colt. Some demon named Crowley has it. Dean gonna ask Cas to see if he can track him down. This is a real chance. If we can gank the Devil, this all goes away right? You can go back to how things were.'

'What, and be happy?' She scoffed, pausing in her footsteps as her brother turned to face her. 'How do freaks like us get to be happy, Sam?'

'We try?' He suggested. 'You're pushing everyone away, Alex. This is gonna do more damage in the long run, to you _and_ to James.'

She blinked. 'I'm not pushing anyone away. I'm...just...not letting anyone close.'

'You and Dean are too alike, you know that? You're both stubborn as hell, and you're both pissing me off.' Sam looked angry now, and Alex flinched a little. She didn't like it when Sam was angry – he wasn't a naturally angry person. She opened her mouth, but Sam was there, raising a pointed finger. 'He's grumpy, all the time. And I know it's because he's worried about all this. And you – you're like a friggin' zombie. You need to wake up and realise that what you're doing is _not_ helping anyone!' He turned, kicking at a stone. 'I'm going inside. If you know what's good for you, you'll snap the hell out of this and stop being an idiot.'

And he stomped off, leaving Alex stood in the yard alone.

* * *

When they'd found the location of Crowley's hidey hole, and come up with a plan, Alex had refused to be the bait. She wasn't good enough to pull it off, and Dean had immediately come up with another idea. A few phone calls later, and Jo Harvelle was on her way to Sioux Falls. Alex had never met the girl or her mother, but had heard good things about them. She was fairly certain Dean had a liking for Jo, the way he talked about her, but knew he'd never do anything about it. If she knew her brother at all, she knew he'd go for the easy to slip out encounters – anything else was too much of a risk.

She understood that all too well.

Castiel was giving her the cold shoulder, and she knew she deserved it. He spent all his time with James, and only spoke to her if required. Until it got late, and then he would approach her and insist that she slept. Then he followed her, slipping into the bed behind her and staying with her. He was always gone when she woke up. It was a strange routine and she wasn't sure how to address it. All she knew was that when he was there, the nightmares stayed away.

He slept too. Not for long, but he had told Dean and Sam that being inside the wards drained him and this was why he slept. Alex didn't broach the subject, and neither of her brothers mentioned it to her either. The tension was becoming worse that it had when she and Dean had fallen out, and she knew it wouldn't be long before something happened.

The afternoon before Jo got there, it finally cracked. She was stood in the study, leafing through books for information on Crowley when his voice made her turn.

'I don't want you to go.'

Alex turned at the angel's words, a confused look on her face. 'I already said I'm not gonna be bait.'

'It's not that. I'd rather you didn't go with them at all. This demon, Crowley, he is dangerous. It would be unwise to put yourself in that position at this time.' He eyed her carefully. 'I would have thought you'd rather not leave James.'

She shrugged. 'Everyone keeps telling me to go back to normal. You guys keep changing your minds like this, and a girl is gonna get whiplash. James will be fine with Bobby.'

'I'm not disputing that.' Castiel said slowly. 'I will be here aswell. And from what I understand, Ellen Harvelle will also be here.'

'Jo's mom?' Alex made a noise of approval. 'Then we're covered. I'm going.'

'You are open to demon possession Alex.'

She gestured to her back, where her tattoo was concealed. 'Tattoo remember?'

'I'm not sure that is adequate protection for you any more.' He said quietly. Alex narrowed her eyes and he looked away. 'Gabriel said neither angels nor demons need permission to possess you. Which could indicate that the tattoo is not going to work in your case.'

'Well it's a chance we'll have to take. The boys can handle it if things get rough. They have done before.' She turned away. 'You're not my keeper Castiel. I'm going.'

'No, I'm not your keeper.' He said slowly. 'But it is unclear to me what I am to you.'

She looked at him, holding his gaze for a few seconds, before walking away, not answering his query. Cas looked at the floor and sighed.

* * *

Alex watched as Jo and Dean set to cutting the electrics to the house. She'd waited with the boys patiently, although she was itching for a fight. Jo turned when it was done, smiling. 'I'll keep the car running.' She said, and Alex nodded in return. Despite the age gap, Alex and Jo had gotten on from the moment they'd met, and it helped that Jo had immediately taken to James. Her mom had too, and Alex felt better knowing Ellen was back at the yard, along with Bobby, who could do a lot despite the chair, but she didn't think it would hurt to have an able bodied adult around.

She didn't think about Cas.

'You ready?' Sam asked her and she smiled tightly, watching as Jo ran back into the darkness to get the car. Dean handed her a gun and nodded.

'Let's go.' He said, and took off through the open door to the house. Sam ran in close behind, and Alex switched the safety off of the pistol before following them in. The house was darkened, but they had a pretty good idea of where they were going.

A dark haired man in a very expensive looking tailored suit stepped out of the darkness with a wry grin and Dean drew to a halt, his siblings behind him. Sam gripped Ruby's knife tightly, narrowing his eyes at the demon before them. 'It's Crowley right?'

'So. The Hardy Boys finally found me. Took you long enough.' He peered around them to Alex, and raised an eyebrow. 'Never thought you'd bring her along. You know she's prime real estate, right boys?' She scowled at the demon, and Dean raised his shot gun. The demon looked down, frowning at the rug the boys had stomped over. It was rumpled. 'Typical hunters. No respect.'

Three demons came out from nowhere and disarmed the Winchesters, pinning their arms behind them. Alex struggled, along with her brothers, but the demon holding her was a lot bigger and he had her held fast. Crowley grinned, holding up the Colt. 'This is it, right? This is what it's all about.' He held the gun out before him, aiming it at Dean. Dean's eyes widened as Crowley pulled the trigger; shooting the three demons holding them captive. When the siblings were free, they all looked at Crowley quizzically, before he shrugged. 'We need to talk. Privately.'

'What the hell is this?' Dean demanded, as they followed the demon into another room. The sharp suited Crowley turned to them.

'Do you know how deep I could have buried this thing?' He waved his hand and the doors slammed shut behind him. 'There's no reason you or anyone should know this even exists, except that I told you.'

'You told us.' Sam said, unable to keep the disbelief from his voice. Crowley sucked air in through his teeth, shaking his head from side to side.

'Rumours, innuendo, sent out on the grapevine.'

'Why? Why tell us anything?'

Crowley aimed the gun at Dean again, moving it around in a small circle. 'I want you to take this thing to Lucifer and empty it into his face.'

Dean raised an eyebrow. 'Uh-huh, okay, and why exactly would you want the devil dead?'

'It's called -' He put the gun down on a small table to his side. 'Survival. Well, I forgot you two at best are functioning morons, and your sister is too wrapped up in an angel to see the big picture.' Alex glared at him. 'Sorry, pet, but the whole world knows what you and that angel are up to.' He smiled, turning his gaze back to Dean. 'Lucifer isn't a demon, remember? He's an angel. An angel famous for his hatred of humankind. To him, you're just filthy bags of pus.' He raised a hand to point at Alex. 'Except her.' Dean glanced back at his sister, confused. 'If that's the way he feels about you, what can he think about us?'

Sam lowered the knife, tilting his head in confusion. 'But he created you.'

Crowley nodded. 'To him, we're just servants. Cannon fodder. If Lucifer manages to exterminate humankind, we're next. So, help me, huh? Let's all go back to simpler, better times, back to when we could all follow our natures. I'm in sales, dammit! So what do you say if I give you this thing, and you go kill the devil?' He picked up the gun and held it out, handle first. The siblings looked to each other, and Crowley wiggled the gun impatiently. Sam reached out a hesitant hand.

'Great.' Sam said slowly.

The demon grinned widely. 'Great.'

'You wouldn't happen to know where the devil is, by chance, would you?' Alex asked quietly, unnerved by the quickness by which Crowley's eyes found hers. She shuddered a little bit under his intense gaze as a predatory smile slid over his face.

'Thursday, birdies tell me, there's an appointment in Carthage, Missouri.' He said, keeping his gaze on her.

'Great.' Sam pulled the gun up and aimed it, pulling the trigger to shoot the demon. The gun clicked but did nothing. The youngest brother looked at the gun, surprised, as Dean rolled his eyes.

'Oh yeah, right.' Crowley grinned, moving back to his desk. 'You'll probably need some more ammunition.'

Dean cleared his throat. 'Oh, uh, excuse me for asking, but aren't you kind of signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the devil and lose?'

'Number one, he's going to wipe us all out anyway. Two, after you leave here, I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere. And three, how about you don't miss, okay! Morons!' He turned from the desk and threw something at Dean. All three Winchesters jumped, ready to fight, but Dean caught the object and opened it, revealing a case full of bullets. When they looked back to Crowley, he was gone.

Sam sighed heavily, and Dean looked frustrated as hell. Alex stared at the spot where Crowley had been. 'What the hell did he mean? Except me?'

* * *

He knocked back the five shots, not even noticing the taste. Angels didn't have the luxury of course. A slight tingling through his sense made him pause, and his brow dipped in a frown as he contemplated the feeling. 'I think I'm starting to feel something.' Jo gawked at him from her position at the other side of the bar. Bobby didn't often clear this room out, not having any real use for a rumpus room, but tonight; tonight was special. Sam and Dean lounged at the desk in the corner, a beer each in their hands, smiling at the angel's ability to drink anyone under the table.

'It's gotta be a trap, right?' Sam said slowly. Dean looked over at him.

'Sam Winchester, having trust issues with a demon. Well, better late than never.' He teased his little brother, and Sam leaned over, punching him lightly on the leg.

'Thank you again for your continued support.'

'You're welcome.' Dean held out his bottle and they clinked their drinks together, taking a swig at the same time. The eldest dropped his bottle from his mouth and swallowed the liquid. 'You know, trap or no trap, we got a snowball's chance, we gotta take it, right?'

Sam tilted his head in contemplation. 'Yeah, I suppose.'

'Besides, I'm not sure it is a trap. Check it out. I mean, Carthage is lit up like a Christmas tree with Revelation omens. And look at this.' He pushed some papers across the desk to Sam. 'There's been six missing persons reported, in town, since Sunday. I think the devil's there.'

'Okay.' Sam nodded.

'Look, when you think about it...you can't come with.' He said it in a rush, and Sam rolled his eyes.

'Dean.' His tone was exasperated as he breathed his brother's name.

'Look, I go against Satan and screw the pooch, okay. We've lost a game piece. That we can take. But if you're there, then we are handing the devil's vessel right over to him. That's not smart.'

'Since when have we ever done anything smart? I mean, Alex is coming too, isn't she?'

'I'm serious, Sam. About you and Alex. You both stay.'

'So am I. Haven't we learned a damn thing? If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it together.' He looked up as Alex walked into the room. She looked between them both and it was clear that she'd heard them from the hall.

'We stick together.' She reaffirmed Sam's words.

'Okay.' Dean shrugged, drinking from his bottle again. 'But it's a stupid frigging idea.' He looked over at his brother, wishing his could change his mind, or Alex's. Then he looked away, to the others. Ellen, Bobby, Cas and Jo contemplated the siblings, and Dean grinned. Alex rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what her brother was thinking as he got up and followed Jo towards the kitchen. She turned to leave the room, finding her wrist caught as Castiel grabbed it.

'Can we talk?' He asked quietly.

'If this is another speech about my safety, you can save it.' She pulled her wrist from his grip, refusing to meet his eyes.

'It's not. I just...' He stopped for a moment. 'Before I met you, I never struggled with words like this. But you seem to take away any sensibility I had.'

'Gee, thanks.' She scoffed, moving away from him and out into the hall.

'It was meant as a compliment.' He muttered, following her. 'I need to know Alex. What happens after this? If we survive?' Alex stopped in her tracks, her back to him, her shoulders tensed as she contemplated the question. 'I miss you.' He said quietly, so quietly it barely reached her ears. Her shoulders slumped a little. She didn't know what to say to him. She could say that after everything was done with, they could go back to the life they'd had before...before a single nightmare had thrown her into disarray. That maybe they couldn't have the normal life, but they could try right? Her and him, and James, on the road. Doing jobs, getting from one day to the next, being a family, maybe not a normal one but...

No.

She knew it wasn't possible. She knew it would only end in hurt. She was downright stupid for believing anything good could come of this in the first place. And to tell him anything different would be lying.

'There is no us, Cas.' She kept her back to him as she spoke, knowing if she got one glimpse of his eyes, she'd crumble. She'd give in, fall into his arms and cry for everything they couldn't have. 'There's no after. We're not coming back from this. You know it as well as I do.'

'Why are you so willing to go if you know you aren't coming back? What about James?'

'Bobby will protect him. You know we have to go. Even if we die doing it, ganking the devil is pretty much top priority here. James is hidden from the angels. Bobby knows how to hide him from demons. And _if_ either one of us survives, we will carry on protecting him.' She looked up at the door, tears falling freely down her face. A shuddering breath came from her chest, and keeping her voice level, she finished. 'We're done.'

She walked towards the door, intent on opening it and leaving, avoiding the group photo she knew would be insisted upon. But strong hands gripped her shoulders, and span her round. Her face was millimetres from Cas' as he stared at her, anger flaming in the depths of his blue eyes as he gripped her shirt, fisting his hands in the material. As he took her in, saw her tears and red eyes, he softened a little.

'Don't lie to me.' He whispered, brushing away a tear making its way down her cheek. Alex's breath hitched, and he leaned in closer, and she knew he was going to kiss her.

Bobby's voice broke the spell.

'Everybody get in here! It's time for the lineup. Usual suspects in the corner.'

Alex pushed Cas away from her, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. She tried not to look at him, but it was hard to miss the hurt on his face as he looked at her. The thumping of footsteps down the stairs alerted her to James' presence as he thundered towards the study. Taking a breath, she pushed past Cas, who stood there, looking like he was going to break. James smiled up at her, and she took his hand, following the others into the study.

A second later, Cas followed, Sam and Ellen coming in after him. Jo and Dean were the last to trail in. The group gathered together, James hopping up onto Bobby's lap as he set the camera. Neither of them were going on the journey, but the photo was something Bobby liked to do, to preserve the memory before a big fight.

Ellen grumbled at the tradition. 'Oh come on, Bobby. Nobody wants their picture taken.'

'Hear, hear.' Sam chuckled, swigging at the beer he held.

'Shut up. You're drinking my beer.' The old man groused, ruffling James' hair. He finished setting the camera and rolled the wheelchair back, careful not to dislodge the boy from his lap. Ellen, Alex and Jo took point behind Bobby, whilst Dean and Sam stood behind them. Cas stood the other side of Ellen, a sullen look on his face.

'Anyway, I'm gonna need something to remember your sorry asses by.' Bobby said, plastering a smile on his face.

'Ha!' Ellen barked a laugh. 'Always good to have an optimist around.'

Castiel nodded. 'Bobby's right. Tomorrow we hunt the devil.' His eyes slid to meet Alex's. She looked back impassively, trying not to let her fear show through. 'This is our last night on earth.'

The camera flashed as everyone stopped smiling.


	21. Chapter 21

**It took me a while to get this one right. I've deleted it and rewritten it several times. But this version, I'm happy with. So yeah. Standard disclaimers, yadda yadda yadda, angst warning, but there's some fluff there for ya, too.**

* * *

He'd opted to travel with Ellen and Jo to Carthage. Alex hadn't voiced any dislike for the idea, but her face had been thunderous. She'd spent half an hour before they left, explaining what was going on to James. Cas was not ashamed to admit that he listened from the corridor as she'd spoken to the child, trying to make him understand why they had to leave.

_'But why do you and Daddy have to go? Daddy said it was the last night on earth. Is something bad gonna happen?'_

_'Not to you, baby. You know we'd never let that happen.'_

_'Are you gonna come home?' James' voice broke a little as he spoke, and Cas felt something inside him drop heavily into his stomach. He knew the answer and he didn't know how Alex was going to answer that._

_'You know we're gonna fight tooth and nail to get back to you, sweetheart. We always do right?'_

_'All of you?' His words were high pitched and it was clear he was going to cry._

_'All of us.' The sheets rustled, and James' muffled cries reached through the door. Cas knew without looking that Alex had gathered the sobbing boy to her, holding him tight._

_'Please come home, Mommy.' He said quietly between cries. Alex didn't reply, and the angel contemplated walking away, as Sam came up the stairs. The younger Winchester sibling looked at him with sorrow, then nodded, so Cas pushed the door open slowly, revealing himself to Alex, who looked up, but did not give anything away with her expression. He moved to the bed, sitting the other side of James. The boy let go of his mom and pushed his way into his father's arms, fisting his tiny hand into the tan trench coat. 'And Daddy. Please. Please come home.'_

Cas shook off the memory, feeling his heart clench. He couldn't focus on that now. He had a job to do. Upon arriving in Carthage, he'd seen the reapers, dozens of them, gathered. He had explained what he could see to Ellen and Jo, but they didn't quite understand. He knew he had to find what they were gathering for. He left Ellen and Jo, making his way through the town. He spotted a reaper in a window, and he frowned, willing himself inside. As he appeared in the building, a presence niggled at his senses, and his frown deepened.

'Hello brother.'

A blinding white light surrounded him and he raised an arm to fend it off. As the light faded, heat surrounded him and he found himself inside a circle of holy fire. Outside the flames, Lucifer stood, his features highlighted by the flames. He smiled slowly and Castiel felt anger curling like a fist in his stomach.

'Lucifer.'

Lucifer tipped his head slightly. 'So I take it you're here with the Winchesters.'

'I came alone.' Castiel lied, and Lucifer smiled.

'Loyalty. Such a nice quality to see in this day and age. Castiel, right?' Cas' face was tight as he tried to give nothing away. 'The angel who gave his grace to a human.' His eyes flickered away as the devil spoke. 'I'm told you came here in an automobile.'

'Yes.'

'What was that like?'

Castiel looked around the room, trying to appear disinterested.

'Um. Slow.' He replied. 'Confining.' He wasn't lying. All the time he'd spent in cars, his opinion of them hadn't changed.

'What a peculiar thing you are.' Lucifer said slowly, the smile on his face widening. Castiel saw it then, the burns littering the face of the enemy, and he was pale, dark circles under his eyes. He did not look healthy at all.

'What's wrong with your vessel?' He asked, curiosity colouring his tone. Lucifer ran a hand down his own cheek, looking at his hand as if expecting something.

'Yes. Um, Nick is wearing a bit thin, I'm afraid. He can't contain me forever, so -'

'You...' Cas stepped forward, the fist of rage in his stomach making him feel bolder in the face of the more powerful angel. He came up against the ring of fire, close enough to feel the heat scolding his skin, but not enough to catch fire. 'You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won't let you.' _You're not having Alex either._

'Castiel, I don't understand why you're fighting me, of all the angels.' Lucifer said, confusion in his voice.

'You really have to ask?'

'I rebelled, I was cast out.' The devil said slowly. 'You rebelled, you were cast out.' His eyes glinted. 'Although, your reasons were different to mine, I suppose. Almost all of heaven wants to see me dead, and if they succeed, guess what?' He leaned forward slightly, as if sharing a big secret. 'You're their new public enemy number one. We're on the same side, like it or not. So why not just serve you own best interests?' He grinned widely, the skin on Nick's face splitting a little more at the expression. 'Or maybe those of your family.'

'I'll die first.' Cas said, his voice firm.

The devil's grin only widened. 'I suppose you will. But who would protect Alex Winchester then?' Castiel's only reaction was the tightening of his jaw. 'Oh, Castiel. You can't lie to me. I understand, you know. How much it hurts to love someone so much but not have that same devotion back? It's why I fell, after all.' The angel in the fire still gave no reaction. 'And the boy...hmmm. I haven't seen him, but I have been told he resembles his mother greatly. And the gifts he will have...' He stepped closer to the fire, and Cas resisted the urge to push through the flame and attack him, knowing it would kill him if he did. 'What do you think will happen if Sam doesn't say yes? You know what she is right? That your grace made her vulnerable?'

Castiel didn't reply, even though the threat was in his throat. At that moment, a demon materialised and Lucifer's attention was dragged away from him. The female demon looked at Lucifer with adoration in her eyes, and he stepped over to her, smiling gently.

'I've got the Winchesters pinned down. For now, at least. What should I do with them?'

'Leave them alone.' Lucifer ordered and the demon looked confused by it.

'I'm sorry, but are you sure?' She looked up at him as he came even closer. 'Shouldn't we -'

'Trust me, child.' He ran a hand down her face and she smiled dreamily. 'Everything happens for a reason.'

Cas looked around as the two were distracted, spotting a pipe bolted to the wall. As he started to form a plan, Lucifer turned his attention back to the ring of fire. 'Well, Castiel, you have some time. Time to change your mind. Will it be Sam, or Alex?'

* * *

Her ears were ringing, and the street was full of smoke and ash. It was harder to breathe, but she wasn't sure if it was because of the fire or because of the shock. Two people she was only just coming to call friends were dead, and as she looked over at Dean and Sam, and saw the horror in their eyes, she had to swallow down the bile rising in her throat. This whole mission had gone to hell in a handbasket so quickly it hurt. The deafening noise of the explosion made the world vibrate around them, and she wondered if they'd gotten all the hellhounds.

'Alex!' Dean yelled, above the noise of the flames. 'Alex, we need to move!' Strong fingers gripped her wrist, and she felt herself pulled along, Dean in front of her and Sam behind. The three ran down the street, ducking through a copse of trees as more demons ran down the street. Dean stumbled and fell, swearing as he hit the ground. Alex was at his side in a second, checking him over. 'I'm fine, I'm fine.' He pushed her hands away, and she looked back at Sam, who shrugged. The eldest Winchester checked the Colt, and motioned to Sam's weapon. Sam looked down, checking his ammo. 'We've gotta find the devil. Get this done.' Sam nodded in response.

They moved through the bushes, keeping close together. The town opened up in the centre, into a square of sorts where they usually held fêtes and public events. Now though, it was full of people, staring up into the sky. A fire burned in the middle, and there, amongst the possessed townsfolk, stood Lucifer. Alex sucked in a breath as she saw him, feeling fear curl through her. His vessel might have once been good looking, but the way it looked now, as if his skin was stretched too tight, burnt in places, with a deathly pale complexion – all he did now was strike fear straight into her.

'Guess we know what happened to some of the townspeople.' Dean muttered, checking the Colt again for bullets. It was fully loaded. He looked back at his siblings, raising an eyebrow. Sam looked beyond him to the field. Bobby had told them that the land where the previous battle had taken place had been rebuilt on, which was now the centre of town. This was where Death was being brought forth.

'Okay.' He said, and Dean nodded curtly.

'Okay.'

'Last words?' Sam asked, and Alex swallowed.

'I think I'm good.' Dean replied, looking to Alex.

'Yeah. Me too.' She said quietly, and Sam reached out to grasp her shoulder for a moment.

Dean tilted his head to the side and his mouth was set in a tight line. 'Here goes nothing.' He stood, coming out of the bushes and to the side of the grouped people. Alex went straight through the middle, and Sam went straight for the devil, where he stood filling in a hole in the ground.

'Hey!' The youngest sibling yelled, readying his shotgun to fire. Lucifer turned, dropping the shovel. 'You wanted to see me?' Sam taunted, taking aim with the gun. Lucifer smiled and Sam resisted the urge to shiver.

'Oh, Sam, you don't need that gun here. You know I'd never hurt you. Not really.'

Dean appeared from the other side then, holding the Colt at dead aim for the devil's forehead, smiling dryly. 'Yeah? Well, I'd hurt you.' He shrugged a little and tightened his finger on the trigger. 'So suck it.' He fired, and Lucifer hit the deck.

For two seconds, the entire town was silent. None of the possessed humans moved, and all three Winchesters watched the corpse, daring to hope that it might be over, that they might be done. Then the body moved and Lucifer inhaled deeply. He sat up, holding a hand to his forehead, and Alex took a step back.

'Owwww...' The devil got to his feet. Sam's mouth was agape and Dean was frowning in confusion. 'Where did you get that?' Lucifer motioned to the gun, looking hurt more than pissed. Then he stepped forward, landing an uppercut to Dean's jaw. The eldest brother went flying backwards, hitting a tree hard. Sam started forward, but then Lucifer turned, fixing a somewhat pleasant smile on him. 'Now, where were we?' Sam looked to Alex, who tried to shake off her fear. Lucifer seemed to notice her then, and turned his gaze on her briefly, a chilling look in his eyes. 'Don't feel too bad, guys. There's only five things in all of creation that that gun can't kill, and I just happen to be one of them. But if you give me a minute, I'm almost done.' He picked up the shovel, preparing to shovel more dirt, and Alex seized the chance. She took a step forward, raising her gun, but in that second, Lucifer raised his hand, and she froze, unable to move. 'I'm not going to hurt you, sweetheart. But _that_ would be a very stupid idea.' Her hazel eyes moved to Sam, and he looked between her and Dean. Alex flicked her eyes, and Sam nodded, moving to check on their brother. Dean was unconscious but alive, and after making sure of this, Sam stood, looking over to the devil, who stood leaning on the shovel. 'You know, I don't suppose you'd just say yes here and now? End this whole tiresome discussion? That's crazy, right?'

'It's never gonna happen.' Sam's voice was filled with rage, and Lucifer shrugged, turning back to filling in his hole.

'Oh, I don't know, Sam. I think it will. I think it'll happen soon. Within six months.' He glanced over to Alex. 'I think it'll happen in Detroit. One of you, at least.'

'You listen to me, you son of a bitch. I'm gonna kill you myself, you understand me? I'm going to rip your heart out!' Her brother was beyond angry, his entire body vibrating with rage. Alex _felt_ the devil's amusement as he chuckled.

'That's good, Sam. You keep fanning that fire in your belly. All that pent-up rage. I'm gonna need it.'

Sam blinked, visibly calming his emotions. He looked to Alex, who was still frozen, and too close to the devil for his liking. Behind her, the masses of townspeople stood still, not moving, not responding to anything around them.

'What did you do?' Sam questioned. 'What did you do this town?'

'Oh, I was very generous with this town.' Lucifer gestured around him. 'One demon for every able-bodied man.'

'And the rest of them?' The question was hesitant, because Sam already knew where the rest of the town was. Lucifer was burying them where they had held festivals, where they'd laughed and enjoyed summer days. The whole of Carthage was dead and buried.

'In there.' Lucifer jerked his head back towards the hole he'd been filling in. 'I know, it's awful, but these horsemen are so demanding. So it was women and children first.' He put the shovel down, moving slightly closer to Alex, but still addressing Sam. 'I know what you must think of me, Sam. But I have to do this. I have to. You of all people should understand.' He reached out, running a cold finger down Alex's face.

'What's that supposed to mean?' Sam ground out through gritted teeth. Alex couldn't move, and the devil was _touching _her, like he owned her. He leant in close, cheek to cheek, putting his lips near her ear. Alex's eyes widened and Sam felt like shouting at him to leave her alone. Then the devil drew back, looking at him as if he'd forgotten where he was in his speech. He smiled.

'I was a son. A brother, like you, a younger brother, and I had an older brother who I loved. Idolized, in fact. And one day I went to him and I begged him to stand with me, and Michael – Michael turned on me. Called me a freak. A monster. And then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something, Sam. Any of this sound familiar?' He smiled broadly, then clapped his hands together, making Sam jump. 'Anyway. You'll have to excuse me. Midnight is calling, and I have a ritual to finish. Don't go anywhere.' He leered at Alex. 'Now that you could if you would.'

Sam remained by Dean, wanting his sister by his side, but she was stuck, too close to the devil for her comfort. Lucifer turned, and began chanting. After a few moments of this, he turned to the possessed townsfolk, raising his arms into the air.

'Now, repeat after me. We offer up our lives, blood, souls -'

Dean stirred. The demons began to repeat the words their master spoke.

_'Now, repeat after me. We offer up our lives, blood, souls -'_

'To complete this tribute.'

_'To complete this tribute.'_

One by one, the demons flashed gold, the vessels falling over dead. Dean opened his eyes as it started, watching with his brother in horror as the entire town was snuffed out like popping Christmas lights. Dean's eyes roamed over the area, seeing Alex stood, unable to move, right next to where the devil stood at the front of the hundred or so dead bodies on the floor. Now it was just them four left, and Alex felt cold grip her heart. Lucifer looked over to them, taking in their expressions of horror.

'What? They're just demons.'

The ground began to shake, and Lucifer smiled as the brothers tried to keep their footing. Castiel appeared then, next to Alex. He reached for her, trying to pull her free, which made Lucifer laugh. He waved a hand.

'You can keep her for now, brother. But she won't be yours forever.' His eyes flashed dangerously, and Alex scrambled away towards her brothers, Cas behind her, urging her on. As they reached the tree base, Castiel reached out to make sure he was in physical contact with all three siblings, and willed them away.

Lucifer glared as the foursome disappeared, but shrugged, knowing it would not be long before he found them again. As the ground continued to shake, and the ritual completed, he smiled over into the darkness.

'Oh, hello Death.'

* * *

**Sioux Falls, November 2009**

The house had been quiet. No one quite knew how to process. Bobby had thrown himself into fixing cars again, doing what he could with his limited mobility. Dean and Sam had been researching non stop, silent in their tasks. Alex had been trying to occupy James, who was uncharacteristically silent. He'd not had experience of knowing someone who had died, and explaining it to him had been painful. Cas had assured him that Ellen and Jo were in heaven, but it was still a diffcult concept to grasp for him. He simply didn't understand why these nice people he had met, who he'd gotten attached to quickly, as children did, were now gone and not coming back.

Six days after Carthage, James was asleep in bed and Dean went into the kitchen, finding Sam sat at the table with a book and a beer. His little brother looked up as Dean stood, looking confused. 'What's up?' Sam asked, and Dean looked around.

'Have you seen Alex?'

'I think she went outside.' Sam shrugged. 'Ask Bobby.' Dean turned, finding Bobby at his desk in the study and Cas watching TV. News reports played repeatedly, noting the increased numbers in natural disasters and crime. World was going to hell and they knew why, but the media couldn't figure it out.

'Seen Alex?'

'I thought she was with you.' Castiel said, looking up. Bobby shrugged.

'I saw her go outside. Thought she might be training again.'

Dean walked out, not noticing Cas get up from his seat. As he went out onto the porch, the angel followed close behind, sighing when he was outside of the wards. It was taking a toll on him to stay inside, but he did so gladly, knowing he could protect both James and Alex more adequately. He kept close to the Winchester brother as he headed through the yard, calling out for his sister.

'She's not here.' Cas said suddenly. 'I can't feel her.'

The hunter span round. '_Feel_ her?' He asked. 'That's a whole world of creepy. I thought she was shielded from angels.'

'She is. Just not from me.' Dean raised an eyebrow and Castiel knew he needed to provide an explanation. 'She has a part of me inside her. I know where she and James are at all times.'

The look on Dean's face was not one Cas could translate and he exhaled, stretching out his senses, looking for the Winchester sister. He looked over towards the yard exit, frowning. 'She's gone.'

'Gone where?'

'She is still close.'

Dean looked around, spotted a missing car from the select few he knew actually worked. 'She's taken a car. She wouldn't -' He left the question hanging and Cas shook his head.

'She wouldn't leave James. I shall go and retrieve her.' And he disappeared. Dean shook his head, heading back into the house.

* * *

Cas appeared outside of a bar in the town of Sioux Falls. Loud music emanated from it, and he knew by the looks of the place that it was a dive bar, the sort of place he would expect to find Dean. He approached the doors, receiving a filthy look from the bouncer stood at the front with his arms crossed over his burly chest. Cas paid him no mind as he entered the building. The music became clearer and louder as he did so and he stopped just inside, searching for Alex.

The bar was busy, bodies bustling everywhere, and the stench of human sweat and alcohol was rife. Cigarette smoke curled through the air in an unappetizing manner, and Cas blocked all these things out to focus on his goal. Across the room, he found her, dancing, a man behind her. She was clearly drunk, if the way she moved was anything to go by, the look on her face of absolute nonchalance, and the glass of clear liquid in her hand. The man's hands were roaming around her waist, and Cas' eyes darkened as he watched. Something rose in his chest, tightening and loosening all at the same time and he took a few steps forward.

_Because when I arrive, I, I bring the fire_

The music increased in pace, and Alex threw herself forward, her hair moving wildly around her head as the man behind her grinned, and one of his hands palmed her breast through her thin camisole. For the most part, she seemed not to notice, until his hand went south, and she opened her mouth in a little "o".

_Make you come alive, I can take you higher_

Cas moved quickly then, coming up to her side and glaring at the man who was touching her inappropriately. She noticed him, smiling dreamily as she attempted to push the guy off.

'Cas!' She said about the music.

_What this is, forgot? I must now remind you_

He stared at her, his eyes drifting to the hands around her waist. She frowned back, then seemed to notice the guy now grinding against her. 'Hey, guy, get off.' She pushed at him, and the guy looked towards Cas, disgruntled by the interruption.

_Let it rock, let it rock_

'Buzz off, man. This is my dance.' The guy grumbled, trying to pull Alex around to face him. Cas was about ready to drop him to the floor, but Alex beat him to it, planting her elbow in the guy's face. He went down with a thud, as Alex giggled and sipped at her drink.

_Let it rock, let it rock_

Cas raised an eyebrow at her. 'You're intoxicated.' He stated, glancing back to the man on the floor, who was cupping his bleeding nose. She giggled again and stumbled backwards, the glass falling from her hand to shatter on the floor. The angel moved quickly, grabbing her before she could fall. Several people were staring at the commotion.

_And now the son's disgraced, he, who knew his father_

'I am taking you home.' He said to Alex, having to raise his voice above the music. She pushed at his arms.

'Get off.' She said, slurring her words.

_When he cursed his name, turned and chased the dollar_

'You are drunk, Alex.'

'No shit, Sherlock.' She mumbled into his coat as she slumped forward.

_But it broke his heart, so he stuck his middle finger_

Cas wrapped one arm around her waist, hoisting her up into a cradle. She fought, but the alcohol was weighing heavily on her system, and she went limp, her fists ineffective against his angelic strength. 'I am taking you home.' He repeated, walking towards the exit.

_To the world, to the world, to the world_

As he moved through the door, he took them home, and he had no doubt the surly bouncer would have been confused by the door opening by itself but no one emerging. He'd chalk it up to the wind or some such, as most humans did. The ignorance was sometimes astounding. As he crashed to a stop on the Singer porch, he remembered the wards, and his shoulders dropped. Alex was half way asleep, and he nudged her gently. 'Alex.'

'Wha.' She said, throwing an arm around his shoulder.

'I need you to knock on the door. I cannot reach.'

'Jus shout.' Alex slurred, rubbing her nose against his neck. He tried to ignore the feeling of her skin on his, grinding his teeth together.

'That will wake James.'

The mention of her son made her freeze, and for a few seconds they stayed there. Then she braced her hands against his chest and pushed. The surprise of her action made him drop her and she tumbled to the ground with a heavy thud, rolling against the door. Her head hit the frame, and the door shook. She grunted, bringing a hand up to where she'd hit her head, and the door flew open, revealing Dean and Sam with guns aimed. When they saw it was Cas, they dropped the guns, looking down in shock at their inebriated sister.

'Alex?' Sam asked, bending down and reaching out to her. She slapped his hands away.

'Ge' los.' She spat, looking at him with unfocused hazel eyes.

'Oh yeah, this is healthy.' Dean said, putting his gun back in the waistband of his jeans. 'Getting hammered. Where was she?'

'S'no lie you don.' Alex slurred, rolling over onto her knees. Castiel watched impassively as she promptly crawled to the edge of the porch and threw up. Sam wrinkled his nose, and Dean rolled his eyes.

'She was at a bar in town. She had drunk a significant amount of alcohol and was letting a man touch her.' The anger in Cas' voice was unmistakable.

'Oh, a drunk and a slut. Nice move, Alex.' Her elder brother muttered.

'You're not my...' She threw up again, then fell forward on her stomach, passing out. Dean sighed.

'She always was a lousy drunk. Anything stronger than beer and she's like a cave woman.' He poked Sam. 'You can carry her upstairs. She's gonna need a bath or something.'

Sam nodded, a resigned look on his face as he moved forward. He grabbed Alex by the shoulders, rolling her over. Thankfully she'd gotten most of the puke over the side of the porch, and boy was Bobby gonna be unhappy about that. Cas stepped forward, prepared to help, but Sam was already picking up his significantly smaller sister and carrying her into the house.

'Dean, would you break the warding for a moment so I could enter?' He asked quietly, and Dean blinked, as if remembering where he was. He stood to one side as Sam passed.

'Yeah, sure man, sorry.' He disappeared inside the house for a moment, and Cas felt the wards break. He slipped inside, and Dean restored the symbols. As he did, the air pressed down around the angel, and he twitched, feeling the discomfort return. Dean looked at him, puzzled. 'You know you don't have to keep doing that right? We're not gonna be here much longer, we can probably do without the wards.'

'No. It is safer this way.'

Dean shrugged. 'Your call.' He looked up the stairs. 'At least you found her before she got in any real trouble. When she was about twenty, she went off on a drinking binge that woulda made me proud. Dad, not so much. She was out of her gourd. Amount she puked, we thought she might have to go to the hospital.'

'Will she be okay this time?' Cas wondered out loud, and Dean waved a hand.

'I've seen her worse. She's dealing the only way a Winchester knows how, unfortunately.' He turned and headed for the study. 'You might wanna go give Sam a hand. She can be a bit...violent when she is drinking.'

'_That _I have witnessed.' Castiel mumbled, making his way up the stairs.

When he got to the top, he heard a grunt, and Sam fell backwards out of Alex's room. He rolled over onto his stomach and pushed himself upwards. 'She woke up.' He said sullenly. 'Clocked me. I'm gonna have a damn bruise. She's a nasty drunk.'

'You're a dick.' Alex's voice came from the bedroom, and Castiel glanced to James' room. The door was closed, but with no inhibitions, Alex could wake him up if she got any louder. Sam looked at him despairingly.

'I will deal with this.' He said, and Sam took off, throwing him a grateful smile. Cas approached the bedroom door slowly, opening it. Alex was laying on her side on the bed, looking pale and sickly. He noted her thin frame, the muscles of her arms and toned stomach. But she was too skinny. She'd lost so much weight in a few months, through stress and working out. Moving forward, he sat on the bed with his back to her, considering how to proceed.

'Bet you think I'm a real catch now, huh?' She said quietly, throwing an arm over her eyes. 'Can we turn off the light? It's too bright in here.' Cas stood up and flicked the light switch, returning to his seat without a word. 'Thanks.' She waited for a moment. 'You gonna ignore me all night?'

'I am unsure what to say.' He said simply.

'That makes two of us.' Alex muttered, dropping her arm back to the bed.

'We were worried when you disappeared.' Cas said slowly. 'This is unusual behaviour for you, Alex.'

'No, this is pretty usual for a Winchester.' She echoed her brother's earlier sentiments. 'When we stress, we drink.'

'Has this become a frequent occurrence?'

Alex shook her head and immediately regretted it. She held one hand to her stomach, trying to quell the nausea. 'No. I guess...with everything...Jo and Ellen...I just...needed to let loose.' She sighed. 'I'm sorry. I know...I wasn't doing it to hurt you.' Her voice fell to a whisper. 'I didn't really even know he was there, I just kept knocking the drinks back...' A groan came from her mouth, and she rolled back. 'Could you make the room stop spinning? I think I'm gonna puke again.'

Cas turned, looking at her in the darkness, the paleness of her skin standing out. She'd had a tan when he met her originally - not that she was any less beautiful without. But this pale, sallow version of her made him sad. Made him feel like _he_ had done this to her. Logically he knew it was not his fault, but something else, something she would not tell him. He paused in his train of thoughts - if this is what love did to humans, no wonder they seemed to be mentally unstable.

He cautiously reached out two fingers, touching her forehead and taking away the inebriation. Normally he would allow her to feel the effects of her drinking binge, let her understand that she did it to herself, but he needed answers, and drunken Alex would probably not give the right ones.

She sighed as the nausea and disorientation was taken away, and sat up. 'Thanks. I promise, I won't do it again.'

'We need to talk, Alex.'

Those words sent a stone of dread sinking to the bottom of her stomach. 'Talk? About what?'

He lent over and turned the lamp on next to the bed, illuminating the room softly. She blinked, letting her eyes adjust, and he drank her in for a moment. She was dressed in her usual jeans and camisole - although it looked like Sam had managed to get her boots off before she'd punched him. Her chest was glistening with sweat, and her hair stuck to her forehead, the rest of her long brown locks messed up and frizzy in places. She'd put a little make up on before she'd gone out tonight, but the black eye liner she'd tried was now smudged and partially rubbed off.

She ran a hand through her hair, trying to smooth it down, as if sensing he was inspecting her. 'Cas, you're kinda making me uncomfortable.' She whispered, bracing herself with her arms on the bed.

The urge overcame him so quickly, he couldn't help it. He lent forward, sliding a hand through her messy hair to grasp the back of her head, and brought his lips crashing down to hers. She yelped a little, but then melted into the kiss, despite her mind telling her she shouldn't, that she should resist him, but then his hands were wandering over her skin and she felt like she was on fire. She let him deepen the kiss, relishing the feel of his tongue exploring her mouth, his fingers threading through her hair. She brought her own hands up to hold him tightly.

A soft moan escaped her as the kiss became more intense, and she found she needed him, so badly it felt like she would burn without him. 'Cas...' The gasp of his name spurred him on, and he pushed her back onto the bed, covering her body with his own. Her hands were under the trench coat now, and under the jacket, pulling his shirt from the waistband of his pants.

'Alex...' He whispered reverently as he kissed a trail down her neck, along her chest to the top of one breast, her skin goosepimpling in his wake. He pulled at her top, but then stopped, moving back up to capture her mouth in another kiss.

'Cas...'

He hummed in response as one of his hands slipped around her stomach, coming to rest just above the top of her jeans, his long finger slipping lower. 'Alex...' He said again, and she opened her eyes to see him staring down at her before they kissed again. But then he pulled away, kissing her neck once more, his lips close to her ear.

'Alex, I love you.'


	22. Chapter 22

**Sioux Falls, November 2009**

She woke slowly, blinking repeatedly as she swam into consciousness. Her cheek was pressed against something warm, and a heavy weight laid cross her shoulders. Flexing her arms, she looked up, her eyes still slightly blurry from sleep. Whatever she had her head on moved and she realised it was a who, not a what. And the who was Castiel. Her eyes widened as she sprang up into a sitting position, looking down and realising she was naked.

The previous night came back to her as Cas' eyes opened, and those piercing blue orbs focused on her. He smiled somewhat languidly, reaching out for her. 'Good morning.' His voice was husky, and she smiled awkwardly, pulling the sheet up to cover herself, desperately trying to ignore the fact that he was as naked as her. As he rolled over onto his side towards her, she noted with _no interest_ whatsoever, that angels apparently suffered from the same condition most men did in the morning.

Briefly, she wondered what the look on Dean's face would be like if she informed him that angels were in no way "junkless". It was an irrational thought, unbidden, and she almost giggled.

Until Cas' hand trailed up her arm, pulling her back down to lay on her side facing him. She complied, too confused to do anything else.

'Are you okay?' He asked, concern covering his expression as his fingers drew nonsensical patterns on the skin of her arm. She shivered a little, cursing him for his knowledge of her, and she pulled the sheets up further, trying to discourage his ministrations. 'You seem...uncomfortable.'

'No.' She said, a little too defensively.

'Is it about...what I said last night?' Cas' face was inches from hers, his blue eyes confused. Alex shook her head.

'No, no.' She smiled softly.

'So you are not...regretting...'

'I'm not regretting.' Alex replied. 'I'm just...' She shifted uncomfortably. 'You said we needed to talk and...I don't remember much talking happening.'

He smiled, looking every inch a big lazy cat at that moment. 'No. There was not much talking.' His hand was still moving on her skin, and the room seemed to be getting hotter. Alex's eyes drifted shut for a moment as she stifled a moan. For an angel that had been a virgin when she met him, he sure knew what to do with those damned fingers of his.

'Wh-what did you want to talk about?'

That did it. His fingers stopped, and she opened her eyes as he sighed heavily. 'I was concerned about you. Your behaviour. Specifically towards me.' He pushed up, leaning his head on one hand, propping himself on his elbow. 'We were...I thought we were...' He frowned. 'I am not sure what we were. I don't understand the human terms for these relationships.'

'Yeah, boyfriend and girlfriend don't really cut it with us.' She said with a slight chuckle. 'But we were...involved. I know.'

'You pushed Dean to accept this, and then you pulled away. You no longer wanted me there. And I was...I am confused, Alex. I do not understand what caused the change.'

She sighed, rolling her head to bury it in the pillow. 'As cliché as it sounds,' she said, her voice muffled in the pillow. 'It's not you, it's me.' He didn't reply and she moved back so she could see him properly. He was staring at her, still confused and she realised she'd have to explain everything. 'I had a nightmare.'

He nodded. 'You have those a lot.'

'Not like this one.' She said quietly. 'It was...there...' She took a breath, swallowing against the lump in her throat. 'We were in a house. A normal house. Being a normal family. James was older. Asked if he could go to the cinema. And I was...' Alex looked down, wondering how a nightmare could cause so much pain, how she could mourn for something she never had in the first place. 'Like I said, it was a normal family thing. Then you...you changed, and everything changed and James was little again, but his eyes were black, and he said he'd gone the wrong way, and you were so _mean_...' Tears sprung, unbidden, to her eyes and Cas' expression of confusion became one of concern as he reached up to brush them away. 'It terrified me.' She admitted. 'I thought if we...if we carried on...the dream was a sign. And then they kept coming. And I knew, we weren't gonna be happy. We were gonna get each other killed.'

'It could have been just a dream, Alex.' He soothed, cupping her cheek. She nodded.

'I know. But we can't take the chance. We can't...they scared me so much. And I'm been so damn miserable without you.' She burst out sobbing, and pushed forward, burying her face into Cas' bare chest. 'I missed you so much, even when you were right here.'

He kissed the top of her head, pulling her closer, nothing but the thin sheet between them. One arm slid underneath to hold her close, the other rubbing circles in her back. 'It doesn't have to be like that, Alex.'

'We can never be normal.' She said, not moving from where she was. 'Never.'

'Normal is on occasion, overrated.' He whispered and she laughed a little, then sobbed again.

'He said...' She trailed off and Cas went still, his hand ceasing it's movements on her back. '_He _said to me, in that town, he said that the grace inside will make me his.'

The angel holding her tightened his arms around her, his expression going hard. She couldn't see his face, but she could somehow _feel_ the anger rolling off of him. After a few seconds, he pulled her chin upwards so their eyes met. 'He is not going to take you, Alex. I will die before I allow it.'

* * *

Dean stood in his room, staring down at the shirt he held in his hands. From behind him, Alex watched, leaning against the door frame. She cleared her throat gently, and Dean turned. Her eyes dropped down to what he was holding. The shirt was stained, old blood stains, spread across the worn plaid fabric. He looked at her, his face tight and she knew he was grieving still. Moving forward, she eased the shirt from his hands, putting it on the bed and pulling her big brother down into a hug. He reached around, grasping her tightly, burying his face in the crook of her shoulder.

The shirt was the one he'd worn in Carthage. When he'd picked up Jo and run with her, her blood seeping out from the injury the hellhound had caused.

'I'm sorry, big brother.'

Her words were quiet, and he didn't reply. He simply tightened his hold, not letting go. They stood there like that for long minutes, until he pulled his head up, cupping her cheek gently.

'Almost lost you that day too.' He said, his voice cracking slightly. 'I can't lose you, Alex. You or James, or Sam.' He smiled a little. 'Even Cas. Damn angel wormed his way into the family, huh?'

She tilted her head, stepping back from him a little. 'You know what Bobby always says. Family don't end with blood.' She shrugged. 'Idjit.'

'You know, it sounds totally weird when anyone else calls me that.' He chuckled.

'So we're moving out on this case huh?' She looked around his room, seeing that he'd been packing his bag. Dean nodded, moving over to place his spare bullets in the duffel along with his clothes. 'Martin was always a good friend to Dad.'

'Yeah.' Dean replied, zipping up the bag. 'You're gonna drive us up and book us in right? And stay on stand by in case we need help?'

'Sure thing.' Alex folded her arms over her chest. 'Cas is gonna take James to a motel up the road from the hospital. We'll stay there, keep an eye.' She smiled. 'I can't believe you let Sam talk you into this. They're gonna have a field day with you.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'We hunt monsters, Dean. We're not exactly the Brady bunch.'

'Yup, and you've gotta make out like you're the sane one.' He smiled widely. 'Sam's waiting downstairs. Has Cas already left?'

Alex nodded. Her anxiety at leaving James had faded since the boys had been home - although her desire to keep him close was as strong as ever. Unfortunately with the life they lead, she needed to realise that whilst her son would always be her first priority, there would be a time when she couldn't be there to protect him. In this case, she was slowly learning to be okay with other people protecting him, and Cas _was_ an angel, and the boy was warded against most things of the supernatural persuasion. 'He took James about twenty minutes ago. Called and said he'd checked them into a room. You know, after I ran him through how to do it half a dozen times. He might get the hang of this one day.'

'Maybe.' Her brother headed for the door. 'Let's get this show on the road, huh?'

* * *

**Glenwood Springs Psychiatric Hospital**

**Ketchum, Oklahoma**

Alex sat at the back of the office, using her arms to lean on the radiator. Her brothers sat in chairs in front of her, and the doctor looked through the fake paperwork Bobby had sent for them. She smiled as he read through it, raising an eyebrow at the various "diagnoses" the fake papers held for Sam. Or "Alex" as the paperwork said. Dean was going by "Eddie" and Alex had given her name as "Annie". The doctor shut the file, linking his fingers together as he regarded the three siblings.

'You were referred to me by a Dr. Babar in Chicago.'

Dean nodded. 'That's right.'

'Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?' Alex tried not to show any amusement on her face. James had the whole series, and it was one of Dean's favourites to read to him. Bobby had been running low on imagination when he'd faked the files.

'I don't know. I don't have any elephant books.' Dean leant forward, his face set in a deeply concerned expression. 'Look, Doctor, I think the doc was in over his head with this one.' He pointed over to Sam. 'Cause my brother is...' He raised his finger to his head, circling it by his temple and whistling to indicate Sam was crazy. Alex grimaced at his actions; a look that was not overpassed by the medical expert in the room.

The doctor frowned, raising a palm. 'Okay, fine, thank you. That's – that's really not necessary. Why don't you tell me how you're feeling, Alex?' He looked to Sam, who shrugged a little, looking over to Dean and back to the doctor.

'I'm fine. I mean, okay, a little depressed, I guess.' He kept his voice light, appearing completely normal.

The doctor started writing, and Alex watched him, still struggling against the smile. They'd gone over this in the car, decided the best way to seem crazy was to tell the truth. To be honest, she sometimes wondered if they were completely crazy. Three siblings, one an ex-demon-blood-junkie, one with the remnants of angel grace inside her, and they lived and travelled with a powered down angel of the lord and a boy who would one day grow up to either save the world or damn it.

'Okay. Any idea why?' Dr Fuller looked up briefly, then prepared himself to take notes once more, and Sam tilted his head.

'Probably because I started the apocalypse.'

The doctor's head came back up so fast, Alex thought he might get whiplash. Sam sat there as if it were the most normal thing in the world to say, his hands hooked together and his facial expression completely flat. Alex saw Dean's shoulder twitch - big brother was trying not to laugh.

'The apocalypse?'

'Yeah, that's right.' The doctor looked to Dean, who smiled and Alex, who put on her best concerned face, and waited for the rest of the act.

'And you think you started it?'

Sam nodded. 'Well, yeah, I mean...I was supposed to kill this demon, Lilith? But Annie stopped me. Only she did it instead and freed the devil. But I started it, and now Lucifer is topside and we're trying to stop him.' The doctor looked up to Alex, who shook her head slightly, bracing her arms on the radiator.

'Who is?' Dr Fuller looked for clarification.

'Me.' Sam pointed to Dean and Alex. 'And them. Oh, and Annie's little boy and her boyfriend who's an angel.'

The doctor's eyes widened. 'You mean, like a, like an angel on your shoulder.' He reached up and patted his shoulder as if Sam were stupid, and the young man looked at him, slightly bewildered by the treatment.

'No. His name is Castiel. He wears a trench coat.' Sam insisted, matter of factly. 'He likes to play cars with our nephew.'

Dr Fuller was scribbling furiously now, and Alex waited, knowing Dean was going to interject. They needed both of the boys inside on this case, with Alex outside for backup. It had been the best plan they could come up with, even if Bobby had thought it stupid, but Martin had begged them to help. He was convinced something was in this hellhole, and he'd always had good instincts...well, until he'd gone completely round the bend.

'See what I mean, Doc? The kid's been beating himself up about this for months.' Dean paused, mostly for dramatic effect. Alex covered a giggle with a cough. 'The apocalypse wasn't his fault.'

The doctor looked up again, his eyebrows so high they'd have disappeared into his hairline - if he had one. 'It's not?'

'No. It goes back way further than that. Of course, the demon blood addiction didn't help. It was her,' he thumbed jabbed back in Alex's direction, 'that ended the world, all cos she got knocked up by some angel grace and picked up some nifty powers along the way.' The doctor's gaze was now fixed on Alex, waiting for her to show her side of the crazy too. Sam was looking down, ashamed of his part in the apocalypse.

'My family isn't evil. Could you fix him up so we can back to travelling around the country and hunting monsters?'

Dr Fuller held up a finger, then picked up his phone. He dialled out, requested his receptionist to cancel his lunch and asked for a nurse to come in. He smiled, and a few moments later, a nurse came in. 'Nurse, could you take Alex and Eddie to get checked in please?' Dean smiled, standing, and following his brother and the nurse out of the room. Alex went to follow, but the doctor stood, motioning to her to wait. 'Annie, please, would you mind?' He gestured to the chair and she sat, twiddling her thumbs. 'I wanted to speak to you briefly. Your brothers...is this a long term issue?'

She sighed, nodding slightly. 'I didn't live with them for a long time. Our dad, the life he led, it was destructive. I left and settled down somewhere else. Didn't speak to either of them for, five years I guess?'

'And you...don't hunt monsters?'

She laughed. 'I do web design, Dr Fuller. I work from home, and occasionally I'm on the road for a job, but I assure you, the only monsters I hunt down are coded viruses.' She relaxed back in the chair, looking towards the door her brothers had gone through. 'Those two had it rough. Dad was a difficult man to live with. Especially after our mom died.'

'Your mother died?' The doctor was scribbling notes again, and she wondered if he was actually buying all this.

'House fire. Eddie was four, Alex was only a baby. I don't really remember it, but our dad changed afterwards.' She smiled sadly, no need to act on that part. 'It's probably a factor in all this.'

'But they have included you in their delusions.'

She shrugged. 'I guess, when I came back to take care of them, it was a difficult time. They had to figure me in somehow.' She leant forward, looking as earnest as she could. 'They can be helped though, right? They aren't...gonna be dangerous?'

The doctor smiled. 'I'm sure we can help them. It's not a quick process though. They will require time.' He frowned a little. 'Do you actually have a son?'

She squirmed a little. 'I do. He lives with his father.' _I'm not technically lying, they're at the motel now, probably burning it down trying to figure out how to cook spaghetti-o's._

'And...I can assume he is not an angel?' The hesitation in the man's voice was amusing, as if he expected her to bust out with the crazy any second.

'No.' Alex laughed again, as fake as she could. 'No, he's an accountant. I would have him live with me, but with Eddie and Alex...it's complicated.'

'I can understand.' He smiled again, standing up. She knew he'd been trying to ascertain whether she was crazy too, and she hoped she'd made a decent enough show of being normal; at least the web design thing wasn't a lie. She still found the time to make some money amongst all the demon hunting. 'Visiting hours are between three and four daily. You may want to pop back just to keep them grounded, see how they are settling in.'

'Thanks Doc.' She took his hand when he offered it, shaking it firmly, before turning sharply on her heels and leaving. As she exited the building, she kept a look out for her brothers, but saw no sign, and when she reached the Impala, it took a second to calm her nerves before she could open the door. Leaving them here was a thought that made her unhappy, but they'd instructed her clearly - leave it at least thirty six hours, then come back. _And take care of my baby - if there's a scratch on her, I swear to god. _Yeah, yeah, yeah. She smiled at her brother's threats. Like she'd ever hurt the car.

That would _literally_ drive him nuts.

* * *

Two days later, she returned to the hospital at three, checking in for visiting hours. She'd left Cas and James back at the motel, playing on the new console she'd bought to keep her son amused on hunting trips. She didn't know how to play those sorts of games, but she knew Dean did and she knew that Cas would be intrigued by it. They'd been holed up in the motel for two days, researching whatever it could be that was causing trouble at the hospital, and she thought she might have an answer for the boys. The lack of phone calls from them had concerned her, but not too much, as they were being detained in a psych ward, so were probably unable to get to a phone.

When she was directed through to the visiting room by the same nurse that had taken the boys to check in, she was worried when she saw only Dean, sat alone in a corner not looking like Dean at all. 'Where's, er, Alex?' She remembered his fake name at the last moment, frowning at the nurse.

'Oh, hon, he's on lockdown. He was getting violent.' Alex blanched a little, and moved towards Dean, ignoring the nurse as she turned and left. She slid into the seat opposite Dean, who remained oblivious to her presence.

'Dean?' She said quietly, reaching over to touch his hand. He jumped, his eyes focusing as if he'd only just seen her.

'Alex?' He whispered and she nodded. Dean looked down at her hand on his, and suddenly twisted, gripping her fingers tightly. She winced. 'Alex, you need to leave. Take James and go. Far away.'

'Dean, what-' Trying to pull her hand away, her hazel eyes clashed with his green ones, and now they were wide, he was looking _through_ her, as if she weren't there. Did he think he was hallucinating? Had they medicated him? What in the hell was causing him to act this way?

'No. Alex. I can't save you. I can't save anyone. I couldn't stop Jo from dying. I couldn't save Ellen. I can't save Sam. You need to go. Pretend we don't exist.' He was trying to send her away. She gaped at him, confused by his attitude.

'Dean, what the hell are you on about?'

'You need to go!' His voice was getting louder and he was getting agitated. 'Go now, before the wraith gets you.'

Her eyes narrowed. 'I know about the wraith. I researched it. Did you find Martin? And where the hell is Sam?'

Dean's eyes darkened. 'Sam is where he needs to be. He's crazy. I'm crazy. How did you not know this?' He dropped her hand. 'You're crazy too. You need to get out of here. Leave with James. We should never have found you.'

His words hit her like a truck, and she reeled back, staring at him. This had to be completely faked right? Something had _gotten_ to him, made him act this way. The shaking, _frightened_ man sat in front of her was not her big brother. Was not the man who'd practically raised her and Sam. He was pale, drawn, his eyes like a terrified animal. He shook his head slightly, shutting those fear-filled eyes and she wondered what exactly had happened. Had the wraith gotten to him? And where was Sam on lockdown?

Dean twitched violently, one hand against his forehead.

_'Shot the devil. Couldn't gank him. Alex is his. Gonna lose them. Can't save anyone. Can't save anyone._' He was whispering, repeating the phrases again and again. Alex moved out from the seat, turning around. Dean was gone, into his own catatonic world, whispering to himself. She began to walk away, intent on saving Dean, when Dr Fuller came out from a side room, spotting her. He waved her over, and she went, concern painted across her face; real this time.

'Annie, I'm glad you came to visit. We have had a few problems.'

'I kinda guessed.' She glanced back over to Dean, who was swaying and looking terrified of everything around him. 'What happened?'

The doctor sucked in air through his teeth. 'Eddie has experienced what we call a psychotic break. It happened around about the same time Alex attacked me and we thought he'd recovered, but he suddenly went berserk in the common room, attacking thin air. We had no choice but to put him on lockdown.' He paused a moment. 'He is being held in a solitary confinement wing, mostly for his own safety but there were...concerns about others. The medication we gave him did not work.'

'Can I see him?' She asked, concern for her brothers overriding everything else. The case had gone south a lot quicker than she thought it would. The doctor shook his head.

'It is not a good idea.' He smiled tightly. 'Maybe you could come back tomorrow and we will see if Alex is better and up to receiving visitors.'

She relented, knowing he wouldn't give in. Standing here and arguing the point wouldn't get her anyway, and it would just be easier to come back in the dead of night and do what a Winchester did best.

After all, it couldn't be too hard to break _into_ a mental hospital right?

* * *

It was gone midnight when Alex returned, easily picking the lock on the maintenance door of the hospital. Creeping along the corridors, she found the solitary wing, and moved silently through the halls. The sounds of a struggle drew her attention and she spotted the open door, running towards it. 'Sam?' She called out, but received no response, hearing only grunts and curses. An alarm bell sounded as she hit the room, sliding to a stop at the doorway.

'Dean! Sam!' The two men looked up, stunned to see her there. She motioned to the corridor. 'We gotta go, come on!' She took off running, hearing her brothers on her heels. Leading the way out through where she'd come in, she looked back behind her. 'Car's over here!' She carried on, reaching the Impala where she'd parked it in the woods. She opened the door, waiting for the boys to catch up, and when they did, Dean paused, his hands on his knees.

'Well, looks like Tom Cruise was right.' He panted a little. 'Shrinks suck.' He moved to the drivers door, and Alex handed him the keys, which he took with a grateful smile. Sam lingered at the trunk, his face scrunched up. Dean and Alex both looked at him. 'What are you doing?' Dean asked.

Alex stepped towards her little brother, concern on her face. His face was pinched, his breathing heavy and slightly erratic as he switched his gaze between the two of them. 'Sam? You okay?'

'No.' Sam said. 'No. The wraith -'

'What about her?' Dean interjected.

'She was right.' Sam looked over at Alex, who softened, understanding straight away. The things they'd seen in there; the crazy they'd all seen. Makes sense that the wraith would use the truth as a weapon. She was suddenly very glad she hadn't volunteered as guinea pig for the case, and that she'd managed to get to them when she did.

'No, she wasn't.' Their elder brother insisted. 'She's dead, okay? Let's hit the road. I need a drink. Or twelve.'

Sam shook his head, moving back as Alex came towards him. 'Most of the time, I can hide it, but...I _am _angry. I'm mad at everything. I used to be mad at you and Dad, then Lilith, now it's Lucifer, and I make excuses. I blame Ruby or the demon blood, but it's not their fault. It's not them. It's me. It's inside me. I'm mad...all the time...and I don't know why.' His face was riddled with anguish, and Alex reached out to touch him, but Dean spoke again.

'Stop. Stop it. So what if you are?' Alex looked back at him, glaring. 'What are you gonna do? You gonna take a leave of absence? You gonna say yes to Lucifer? What?'

'No, of course not. I -'

'Exactly. And that's -'

'Dean, shut up.' Alex spat, silencing him. 'Sam...' She connected her hand with his arm now, holding him tight. 'I know it's hard. Trust me. No one knows it better than us. But you know we can't stop. We have to bury it. We have to fight. It's how we keep going.' She paused. 'It's how we don't end up like Martin. We stick together remember?' Sam looked down, unwilling to meet his eyes. 'Come on, little brother. We're together right?'

He nodded, reluctantly. 'Together.'

Dean nodded. 'Good. Now can we get the hell out of here?'

* * *

**Housatonic, Massachusettes**

'Cas?'

Her voice made him jump, and it immediately made her worry more. He was sat in her motel room (or was it their room now?), on the bed, facing the window. The sun was high in the sky, and he'd wandered off from a game Dean was playing with James in the room her brothers were staying in. Dean had taken to the new games console she'd bought like a fish to water, leaving Sam exasperated by his brother's lack of attention whilst the console was on. They'd come to Housatonic on a call from an old family friend, and after making sure the family wouldn't be around whilst they took care of the case, Dean had insisted on some research. Which meant he actually wanted Sam and Alex to do the research so he could take break.

'I'm sorry.' The angel smiled softly. 'I wanted some time to think.'

'Are you okay?' She asked, concerned. He nodded, not looking at her, his expression indicating that he was far away.

'It is usually me asking you that question.' Cas noted, and Alex smiled, taking the seat next to him. 'Is James okay?'

'He's playing one of those games I bought him. I was worried when you disappeared. Is there something I should know?'

He looked at his hands, as if inspecting them. 'I was cut off from heaven.' He said slowly and Alex looked down at his hands. 'I do not have the power that I used to. I worry...that I will not be able to protect you.' Castiel looked up at her. 'I cannot kill demons.'

'How long have you known this?' Alex asked, suspecting as much with his increased worry at her leaving him alone with James. He was still strong, and perfectly able, but she should have picked up on his perceived lack of ability where it came to protecting their son.

'Since Carthage. I was unsure of how to tell you without worrying you. You were very...burdened after the fight.'

'You should have said something.' She whispered, edging closer to him. 'You can't lie to us, Cas.'

'I did not lie. I just did not reveal everything.'

Her mouth set into a thin line, and one eyebrow arched gracefully. 'That's kinda the same. You need to tell us this stuff.'

'You have gifts, Alex. Because of the grace inside you. You could use them to protect James.'

'I don't wanna go down that road.' She said, standing up. He followed, placing his hands on her shoulders.

'It is safe. It would be the best thing.'

'I don't want to!' She pushed his hands away. 'God, Cas, this is so messed up. All I ever wanted was to be normal, to raise James away from all this. This is too screwed up.'

'Alex, I-'

She turned, grabbing his head and pulling him closer, pressing a hard kiss to his lips. He groaned and twisted his hands in her hair, deepening the kiss. She pulled away, breathing heavily. 'This is wrong, Cas. I can't...'

'You can.' Cas ran his hand down her face. 'We can. Maybe we are not the family you wanted, Alex, but we are family regardless. I may only be an angel...' He sighed, pressing his forehead against hers. 'But I am yours. I have chosen to be yours, to fight with you. I have gone against everything I believed for over a millennia, and I would do it again, just to be at your side.'

And god help her, if that wasn't the most romantic thing she'd ever heard, especially in their crazy lives. She was so drawn in to him, so lost in those bright blue eyes of his, that she didn't hear the door open. The only signal that they were alone was someone clearing their throat.

Sam smiled at them, and Alex jumped back as if burnt. Whilst Dean and Sam were both okay with the situation, Alex still didn't like the overly public displays of affection. 'Just letting you know, we've got a lead and I'm heading out. Dean's still with James.'

'Okay.' Alex nodded. 'I'll go over in a minute.' Sam smiled.

'I'm sure they'll be fine for a little.' Her brother assured her and turned, leaving again. The door drifted shut behind him and Alex looked back to Castiel, her eyes dark. She itched to move towards him, but motherly duty was winning out against her hormones and the pull he'd always had on her.

'I should, er...' Cas stepped closer, taking her hand. 'I should...'

'They'll be fine for a while, Alex.' He said quietly, drawing her close, his breath hot on her face. 'They'll be fine.'


	23. Chapter 23

Dean was leaning to the side, desperately trying to hit the target, although why he thought leaning to the side would help, he didn't know. His tongue was at the side of his mouth, a look of intense concentration on his face. He focused, hit the trigger...and lost. James jumped up from the bed, fist pumping the air, a victory yell bursting from him. His uncle scowled, throwing the controller to the floor as the screen displayed that Player One was the winner, and James promptly started a triumphant dance, which caused Dean's scowl to disappear and be replaced with laughter.

'Nice moves, kiddo.' James stuck his tongue out, continuing his dance as the door opened and Alex slid into the room, followed by Castiel. She smiled at Dean, who raised an eyebrow at her dishevelled appearance. 'Did you find a fight or something?' He queried, his tone teasing. His sister looked horrified, running a hand through her messy hair and glancing over at Cas, who shrugged, not fully understanding the teasing of the elder Winchester.

'No...nope.' Alex said, moving over to James. 'Hey, how you getting on with your schoolwork, sweetheart?'

James paused in his dance, looking a bit sheepish. Dean stood up, moving over to turn the console off. 'Er, we haven't quite gotten to that, yet.' He explained, and both boys looked down at the floor as Alex looked at them with a mockingly angry expression.

'I guess that means extra math tomorrow, then.' She sighed. 'No games until Thursday.' James' shoulders slumped, and he looked to his father, those big baby blues wide and begging. Cas frowned, looking between James and Alex, who looked at him expectantly.

'I'm sure he could have half a hour tomorrow afternoon or something.' Cas crumbled far to easily, and she should have been annoyed, but she knew the power of the puppy dog eyes, and she chuckled instead.

'Okay, I give. But spelling, now.' She pointed towards the table, and James ran, pulling his spelling books out from the pile on the table. He hopped up onto the chair and began to go through his work, chewing thoughtfully on his pencil as he studied. Alex watched him for a moment before turning to Dean.

'So, you two are all good now?' Dean motioned between them, and Alex's cheeks reddened a little. Her brother held his hands up and started to put away the console controllers. 'Scratch that, I do not need to know.' Cas looked at him in confusion, wondering why he'd asked the question if he did not require an answer. Chalking it up to one of the many strange things Dean did, he took a seat on the bed.

'I need to speak with you.' He said, and both siblings looked to him. He kept his voice low, not wanting to disturb James. 'I should have broached this subject a long time ago, but we had other issues to attend to. However, I feel the situation is becoming dire and we need to do something.'

'Is this about your lack of angel mojo?' Dean asked, narrowing his eyes as he stood straight. 'Cos we can work around that, Cas.'

'No.' Castiel shook his head. 'This is about the danger we are all in. We need to find a way to defeat the devil, without any of you having to become vessels. But we are short on time. This will be difficult, but with your help,' he motioned to Dean, 'we can find a solution.'

'This the God thing again?' The hunter looked at him, and Alex chewed her lip thoughtfully. She'd asked Cas not to go off and do this, not to search, not to leave them, but she knew it must have been playing on his mind the whole time. He looked to her, then back to Dean and nodded.

'God is the only one who can stop this – who can prevent any of you...' He trailed off, glancing over to James. 'We need to try and find him. I have heard rumours, but I need something, an amulet, one that will burn hot in the presence of God.' His eyes went to the amulet hanging around Dean's neck, the one he'd been given by Sam so long ago. Dean looked down, frowning.

'This? Seriously?'

'May I borrow it?' Castiel asked, standing from the bed, his face compassionate, understanding Dean's reluctance to part with the necklace.

'No.'

'Dean, this may be the only way to save your family.'

The room was quiet for a beat, and then Dean slowly removed the amulet, pulling it over his head and holding it in front of him, his teeth worrying at his bottom lip. Cas moved forward to take it, but Dean pulled back, meeting the angel's eyes for an intense second. 'Don't lose it.' He mumbled, finally extending his arm. Cas took the amulet, peering at it intently. 'Great, now I feel naked.' Dean muttered, turning away.

'Are you going to be gone long?' Alex asked, hesitantly, and Cas pocketed the necklace, moving back towards her. He placed his hands on her upper arms, smiling gently. 'You know, cause of James and everything, he might not understand. The whole searching for God thing.' His thumbs made circling motions on her skin, and she shuddered a little. Dean turned away, pulling a face as he walked over to the fridge to grab a beer.

'You will not notice my absence. I will always return to you.' His face became quizzical as she stared up at him. 'Your eyes are such a strange colour. Ordinarily, they are hazel, but sometimes they look to be such a bright green...' His hand came up to cup her cheek. 'Nevertheless beautiful, just as you are.' She blushed then, squirming a little under his scrutiny. Then he was pressing his lips to hers and she forgot what he'd been saying. Long seconds passed as they stayed like that, until Dean cleared his throat. Alex jumped a little, forcing herself to pull, smiling apologetically at the angel, who smiled softly.

Dean's phone rang, and he flipped it open, answering gruffly. 'Hey Sam.' He rifled through the fridge as he spoke to his brother, pulling out the leftovers of the burger they'd picked up at lunch after their meeting with Donna. Alex's expression was grim as he pulled out the remains of the burger meal and started eating it. She _really_ hated it when he did that. 'All right, well we've got a minute to breathe here, so let's pick it up first thing.' He paused, chewing on a piece of the patty. 'Yeah, see you in five.' He hung up, shutting the fridge door and looking over at Alex, his mouth stuffed full of burger. She gaped at him in disgust and he opened his arms defensively. 'What?' Alex shook her head and went to sit with James. 'What?' Dean repeated, offended.

'I shall go.' Cas said, moving over to Alex. 'I will return soon.' He reaffirmed, and James looked up.

'You'll be back for bedtime, Daddy?' The boy asked, and Cas nodded, ruffling James' blonde locks. Then he disappeared, and Alex sighed. Her brother turned, swallowing the last mouthful of burger.

'So. Care to fill me in?'

* * *

Three hours later, and Sam hadn't returned to the motel room in the five minutes he'd told Dean he would be, and both siblings were worrying. It was late, and James was in bed, sleeping peacefully. Cas had returned briefly, keeping his promise, but had then left once James was settled. Alex and Dean were pacing, and quickly losing their patience. 'Maybe you should go and find him?' Alex suggested, and Dean took off out the door like a bat out of hell. She sighed, wondering how long he'd stuck around because he was torn between which sibling needed protecting more. Since Carthage, he'd been weird, over protective and moody all the time. She didn't know what was going on in his mind, but she would bet it had something to do with his own perceived failures. Alex just wasn't sure how to make him understand that none of this was on him.

Twenty minutes after Dean had left, Alex heard a noise from the adjoining room that her brothers were staying in. She frowned, checked on James and then left the room, heading next door. Sam was in there, in front of the mirror and he was...posing?

'Sam, what the hell?' She said, and he jumped, spinning round so fast he almost fell over. 'Dean is out looking for you.'

'Oh, hi, yeah, sorry.' Sam stuttered, smiling awkwardly. 'I was er, you know, just looking around town.'

'Right.' She folded her arms over her chest, drawing out her response in disbelief. 'You feeling okay?'

He nodded, his mouth in a sort of goofy smile. 'I'm good, fine, excellent.' He slapped his hands to his sides, sliding them down into his pockets. 'Er, was just gonna check on a few things.'

Alex eyed him suspiciously, looking over to the bed where the guns were laid out ready for cleaning, one of Dean's regular rituals, even though she'd told him to stop leaving them out. 'Okay. Well, we're next door if you need anything. Make sure you put those guns away before the maid service comes round. That'll just raised questions we don't need.' She went to leave, and Sam darted forward, catching her by the wrist. Something shot through her as his skin made contact and she shuddered, a feeling of nausea curling in her stomach at the contact.

'Hey, er, Alex?' He said quickly, his tone pensive. 'I was thinking, when Dean gets back, we could get a move on ya know? Maybe get out of town tonight?'

Alex frowned deeply. 'We can't.' She pulled her wrist away, the sick feeling remaining as she stared at her brother. His eyes were different, but she couldn't place her finger on it. Maybe she was just getting sick or something; wouldn't be the first time she was seeing things where there wasn't anything. 'For one, we've got a poltergeist to deal with. And two, James is asleep, and I'm sure as hell not getting him out of bed in the middle of the night.' She shook her head. 'God, Sam, what is up with you?' Then she was out the door, returning to her own room where she pulled out her phone and dialled Dean. She could hear Sam next door, doing _something_ but she didn't wanna know what. There was something wrong with their baby brother, and she wanted Dean back now to help her deal with it. 'Dean?' He answered curtly. 'He's come back. Something's off.' An argument from her big brother. 'No, I don't care, just get back here.' And she hung up. Dean wouldn't be long.

She just had to wait.

* * *

The knock on the door came quicker than she expected, and Dean ducked in, frowning deeply. She stood from her position on the bed, where she'd been reading through some lore. Her brother peered round her to James, who remained asleep. 'What's the big deal?' Dean asked, and Alex shushed him, looking over her shoulder. She moved forward, pushing him towards the door. Once they were outside, she sighed, placing her hands on her hips.

'There's something wrong with Sam. He's acting funny. Like, weird funny.'

Dean stuck out his bottom lip in that fashion he had when he wasn't sure what to do. 'Well, let's go see.'

'Wait, wait. Look, this is gonna sound really...freaky, but he grabbed me.' Dean's eyes widened and Alex raised her hands. 'No, no, not like that. Just around the wrist. But when he did, it felt like...I dunno. It just didn't feel right. He made me feel really creeped out.' She shrugged. 'Maybe I'm crazy?'

'Look, I'll go talk to him. You stay here, with James. We'll go about things as normal, take care of the poltergeist.' He placed a hand on her arm. 'Maybe you're just tired?'

'I hope so.' She replied quietly, hugging herself. 'Just keep him here. He was kinda eager to leave. He didn't even care if we had to wake James. Or about the job.'

Dean frowned a little. 'That is odd.' He looked beyond her to the motel room their brother was in. 'I'll keep an eye on him, okay?'

She nodded, stepped back towards her door, and Dean smiled at her reassuringly, before turning and disappearing into the brothers' room.

Sleep wasn't easy to come by that night, and Cas didn't reappear. So when it got to seven and James woke up, yawning widely and asking if he could wake cartoons, Alex let him, staying in her bed, fully dressed, waiting for her brothers to wake up. When she heard noise from next door, she sat up, stretching and putting on some coffee. The boys came in a few moments later, and Dean greeting James brightly. 'Hey, buddy, how's it going?'

The boy looked up, smiling at his uncle. 'Hey Uncle Dean. I'm watching Turtles. You wanna watch?'

'I would, but me and your Uncle Sam got work to do. Maybe we can watch later?'

James shook his head. 'Mommy says I hafta do maths later. Cause we played too much Xbox yesterday.' He looked around to Sam, and frowned. 'Who's that?'

Dean turned, seeing only Sam and Alex behind him, and his brow dropped in confusion. 'Who's who?'

A small hand raised, pointing towards Sam, and the youngest Winchester sibling smiled awkwardly. 'You playing a game? It's me, U-uncle Sam.' He pushed his hands deep in his pockets as James got up, hiding behind his Uncle Dean.

'That's not Uncle Sammy.' James whispered to his uncle, clutching at his pants leg. 'I think he wants to be, but he's not.' Dean's head snapped up, and "Sam" started to panic a little. He turned, but Alex was quick and blocked the door, scowling at the imposter.

'I knew something was off.' She declared, pulling a switchblade from the back of her pants. 'I told you!' Her words were directed at Dean, who rolled his eyes at her.

'He seemed normal to me. Mostly. Little nerdier than usual maybe.' He focused on "Sam". 'You're not Sam. Who are you?' He demanded, his voice carrying a threat that made "Sam" freak out just a little bit more. Between the knife at his back, and the hunter in front of him that probably had a gun, he wasn't faring too well. He looked down at the child hiding behind his uncle, and smiled a little. Alex stepped forward, and the blade she held was flush with his skin, poking round about where his kidney would be.

'All right, pal. Either you start talking or I start stabbing.' Alex said into his ear and "Sam" dissolved.

'Oh, my god. Please, don't hurt me. Please! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!'

Dean frowned, looking at Alex, who had a bewildered look on her face at the fake Sam's sudden pleading. 'Hey, pull it together, champ.'

'I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die!' "Sam" was now repeating, closing his eyes, his hands raised in the air. Alex was barely touching him, and he looked like he might pee himself. James stepped out from his uncle's shadow, satisfied that the stranger was not a threat.

'Where's my Uncle Sam?' He demanded, and Dean looked down at him, a little shocked by the venom in the little boy's voice.

"Sam" apparently didn't notice it was five-year-old questioning him as he shook under Alex's practically non-existant grip. 'In my body, well, sort of. He's probably at my house. Or at school.'

'School?' Alex repeated, and Dean looked at him in disbelief.

'How old are you?'

'Seventeen.' Came "Sam"'s reply and it was all Dean could do not to laugh.

'Seventeen huh?' He took a few steps forward and Alex backed off. "Sam" opened his eyes, looking at Dean with a large amount of fear in his eyes. 'What's your name, kid?'

'Gary. My name is Gary. I swear...I wasn't gonna...look this whole thing was stupid. I thought...maybe...we'd get a reward or something?' He stammered out and the eldest Winchester's eyes narrowed.

'A reward? From who?'

'From...the...demons?' Gary squeaked, and Dean's eyes narrowed further.

'You were gonna use my brother as a bargaining chip?'

'I found this book. I was...my parents are forcing me into following this life plan, it was boring, I panicked, I wanted something...I dunno? More exciting?'

Dean punched him. Gary cried out and hit the deck like a sack of potatoes. 'You...' He raised his hands, looking away. 'I have no words. Alex?'

'I don't know what you want me to do.' She said, shrugging a little. 'I guess we're gonna have to find Sam and figure out a way to switch them back.'

'And how do we do that?' Dean asked.

'I-I can do it! I can fix it!' Gary was sobbing now, way in over his head. 'I'm sorry. I'll help. I'm sorry.' He was repeating himself now, and James strode over to him, scowling down at him. Under the amused gazes of his mom and uncle, he aimed a small but strangely powerful kick to Gary's side, and the imposter went down further, clutching at his side. James nodded, satisfied.

'You're an idjit.'

* * *

Several hours later, and disaster avoided, the siblings had found their lost brother and with the help of Gary and his friends, returned him to his normal self. Sam was highly unimpressed, and made several threats to kill, which were backed up by Dean. The kids were suitably terrified when they'd been clued in on what exactly could have happened to them if the plan had gone right, and for good measure, the Winchesters confiscated their creepy ass book. Alex burnt it the moment they got out into open air, making sure it couldn't be used again.

'We still got a salt and burn to deal with.' Dean pointed out and Sam sighed heavily.

'Yeah we do.'

Alex thought for a moment. 'How about let's all go?'

The brothers turned twin stares of disbelief on her. 'What about James?'

She shrugged. 'He can do the salt. Look, with all three of us there, and with the weapons we got, we can figure it out. It's about time he learnt something applicable to our life, aside from how to aim a gun. I've got the modified shotgun that Bobby made him in the trunk.' James had perked up at this point, a smile on his face. 'He can do this. He's been training with the weapons, he's pretty damn fearless, when he wants to be. You saw him earlier.'

'Don't you think it's a bit soon?' Sam asked slowly, not wanting to piss her off. Dean watched, unsure of what to do. Alex nodded.

'It's always gonna be too soon, Sam. But he needs to start learning. Needs to not be scared of this stuff. It's a standard salt and burn.'

'We still need to find out exactly who it is.'

'Oh I already did all that.' Alex said, waving her hand. The boys stared at her, and she rolled her shoulders. 'I didn't sleep. So I researched.' She moved around to the passenger side of the Impala, motioning for James to get in the back. He climbed in, but her brothers just stood there. 'Come on, guys. Let's get this job done. I fancy something nice for dinner tonight.'

Dean blinked a few times, looking to Sam, who looked back. 'Whatever the lady says right?' Sam nodded, dumbstruck, and climbed into the car alongside his brother.

'So where are we going?' Dean asked, and Alex clicked through her phone.

'Isaiah Pickett's house. The legend says that he hung her, but he didn't. There was something about an illegitimate child, and he killed her and buried her in the basement.' Alex glanced over to James as the car started. 'Seatbelt, honey.' He smiled over at her and obeyed. She looked back at her brothers. 'So we go to the house, salt and burn, back on the road after dinner, right?'

Dean tilted his head to the side. 'I guess so.' He pulled away from the kerb, heading for the address Alex flashed at him on her phone. Ten minutes later they were outside and climbing out of the Impala. James was practically bouncing on his feet with excitement, especially when his mom pulled his kiddie-sized shotgun from the trunk and handed it to him. Dean frowned, but walked over, crouching down next to his nephew. 'You remember what Grandpa Bobby said right? Kept yourself steady, cause even your little gun is gonna give you kick back. Both eyes open, on the target. Make sure you don't miss.'

'I know.' James smiled, holding his gun up to test the aim. Sam shook his head, still feeling it was a bad idea to do this. Alex ruffled James' hair, handing him a small pouch of rock salt.

'Anything comes at you and you can't shoot, throw salt at it, okay baby?' She smiled as he nodded, and looked over to her brothers, sliding her own gun into the back of her pants. 'We ready?'

Dean tested his lighter quickly, grabbing the shovel from the trunk before shutting it, and Sam held up the salt can. 'Ready.' The Winchesters turned as a group, James sheltered in the middle of them. Dean kicked the door of the abandoned house in, and they entered, keeping together as a group. James was already aiming his gun, holding it with both hands, just as his Grandpa and Uncles had taught him. Alex moved swiftly through the kitchen and living room, finding the basement door. Dean, Sam and James were behind her in seconds, and she nodded as Sam grabbed the handle, taking aim with her gun.

Sam swung the door open, and nothing happened. All four of them moved down into the cellar, Dean taking up the front, with Alex behind him and Sam taking up the rear, James in between them. His little face was pinched in concentration as he kept his weapon high. As they got into the basement, Sam looked at the floor. Dean grimaced.

'Willow moss.'

'Grows on the graves of witches,' Alex confirmed, looking back at James. He raised his eyes to her briefly, absorbing the information. Dean put his gun down, leaning over with the shovel.

'Looks like a shallow grave. I'll have this dug up real quick.' He looked back. 'Eyes open.' He positioned the shovel at the grave, pushing in. In that second, a cold wind blew through the house, and a screech echoed through the basement. Sam suddenly flew back, hitting the wall. Alex cried out for him, and the distorted image of a ghost appeared in front of her, next to James. Fear gripped her, and for a moment she panicked, but James raised his gun higher and took a shot, salt flying through the spectre and disappearing. He grinned widely, and Alex breathed a sigh of relief, until she was flung backwards, knocking Dean off his feet. He'd only exposed half of the grave, and was soon scrabbling to his feet, digging faster. The spirit appeared again, as Sam got up, ramming him back against the stairs. James took another shot, but missed. He looked over to his mom, who was just getting up, and his eyes went wide.

'Mom!' His voice sounded so grown up as he shouted, but she took the hint and ducked as the ghost appeared behind her, and James threw a handful of salt at it. It screeched and disappeared again.

Dean had finally finished digging the hole, and he threw lighter fluid down. The spirit appeared again, throwing Dean across the room back into Sam. Both brothers hit the ground with a thud, and Alex ran forward to finish what her brother had started, pulling the disposable lighter she carried from her pocket. The ghost appeared in front of her, pushing her backwards, the lighter falling from her grip to clatter on the floor. She hit a wooden pillar, which split under the force of the impact and Alex slumped to the ground, unconscious. James stood, one round left in his gun, staring at the grave. He looked to his mom, and his uncles, and realised what he had to do.

He took the salt from his pocket, and threw it in the grave, picking up the lighter. His little fingers slipped as he tried to light it and the ghost appeared behind him. Dean got to his feet, knowing he'd be too late to reach the boy. 'James!' He yelled, as the child turned, looking up at the spirit. He grinned, and threw the lighter into the grave, and it caught fire. The spirit screamed and disintegrated before him. Dean reached him then, throwing his arms around him, checking him for injuries. 'You okay? God, you okay?' James pushed his hands off.

'I did it, Uncle Dean! I did it!' He stilled a little then, the colour draining. 'I feel sick.' He said quietly, suddenly subdued.

'Yeah, it'll do that to you, kiddo.' Dean said, holding him close. 'You were awesome though.'

'Ugggnnnnhhhh.' Alex groaned from the floor, looking up. 'What happened?'

'James did it.' Dean announced, proudly. 'Saved us. And we were worried.'

Alex climbed to her feet, gripping her back where she'd hit the post. Sam moaned and got up, rubbing his head. 'Dean? Alex?'

'Apparently James is already better than us.' Alex said, her eyes gliding to her little brother. 'We have been made redundant.'

James chose that moment to puke all over the floor. Dean grimaced, and Sam chuckled a little. Alex sighed.

'Or maybe not just yet.'


	24. Chapter 24

**December 25****th**** , 2009, Burley, Idaho**

The sun had barely risen before James was awake. He opened his eyes, smiling widely as he sat up and looked around. His mom was sleeping soundly and if he was right, dad had snuck in at some point after he'd gone to sleep and was curled up behind her. He knew his dad would be awake, because angels didn't sleep, but James also knew that he wasn't allowed to open any presents until everyone was awake. Excitement made his stomach flip; he'd been trying to get a look in the trunk of the car for weeks, especially after Uncle Dean went crazy after Uncle Sam left it open and James had seen the bright wrapping paper peeking out.

James was already impatient, and he slipped his little legs over the side of the bed, dropping to the floor silently. Uncle Dean had taught him how to move real quiet, but he knew that his mom would wake up at the slightest noise. He needed to wake his uncles up, so that he could open his presents. Mom had made that rule when he was little, when it was just the two of them. He missed their old house, and his old kindergarten, and his big garden, and his bike. But he was probably the only five year old in the world who lived with superheroes. Uncle Sam said _he_ was a superhero, that he was gonna grown up to be someone important. James still wanted to be a policeman and catch bad guys, but being a hunter was just as cool. Just a few weeks ago, he'd done his first proper salt and burn, and his mom had been so proud of him, even when he'd hurled all over the floor and Uncle Dean's boots. Uncle Dean hadn't been so happy about the sick part, but he'd been really impressed with the hunt. He said he was going to be the best hunter ever, and James' little chest had swelled with pride. Once he'd stopped puking anyway. The last hunt they'd gone on, they'd been searching for a werewolf, and his uncles had taught him all about how to gank them. He'd had to hang back from the actual hunt, because werewolves were strong and he was only tiny still, but he'd been there, and seen them kill it.

It was so exciting, being a hero. Except that they couldn't tell anyone. Mom was specific about that. They couldn't tell anyone what they were. When people asked him questions, he had to not say anything, except for that he lived with his mom, his dad and his two uncles. If anyone asked why they were on the road, his mom was a business woman who had to travel. If anyone asked about his school, he had to say that he was home schooled – but his mom said he never really had to worry about that, because he was really smart for his age. Or so she said. James didn't really know what that meant, but he did know he could almost recite a demon exorcism from memory, and could draw a perfect devil's trap. He could also spell words that Uncle Dean couldn't spell, so whether that meant he was smarter than Uncle Dean, he didn't know because Uncle Dean seemed _real_ smart. Not as smart as Uncle Sammy though.

Padding across the motel room, his dad moved, sitting up to peer at him. James grinned. 'Merry Christmas, Dad.' He whispered and Cas looked back, raising an eyebrow as the boy moved towards the door. He heard him call his mom's name, and his mom groaned, shifting over onto her side.

'Leave him be, Cas. He's just going to wake Sam and Dean up. Family rule; no presents until everyone is awake.' She yawned loudly, and James opened the motel door, knowing exactly which room he was going for. His feet were a little chilly as they hit the outside air, but he wasn't gonna be outside long. His eyes brightened as he took in the motel car lot, seeing the fresh layering of snow. The job they'd been working was in a big national park near here, and his mom had told him they'd probably get snow for Christmas. That made James excited, and it had even caused a bit of excitement in his uncles, as Dean had leant over to Sammy and promised him the "snowball fight of the century". James was good at snowball fights. And he was a little target, so no one could hit him easily.

The other motel door was locked, but James knew how to get through that one. He pulled out the hair pin he'd attached to the top of his pyjama bottoms (Uncle Dean said to always have something pointy on you at all times to pick a lock, cause you never knew when you was gonna get taken and chained up in their line of work), and stood on his tip toes, pulling the hair pin apart. He put it in the lock, biting his tongue in concentration as he twisted the pin, left, right, up, down. He heard a tiny click and the lock slid back, and he put the pin back on his pants, turning the door handle and slipping into the motel room. He giggled silently as he saw Uncle Sammy, one arm slung over the edge of the bed, his hair all mussed. Uncle Sam needed a haircut. Maybe Uncle Dean got him one for Christmas. James wanted to get his hair cut, but his mom said she liked it long. He'd prefer if his hair looked like Uncle Dean's. Uncle Sam had hair like a girl, and James didn't want to look like a girl.

Uncle Dean was on his side, one arm over his face, snoring loudly. James saw the glint of his gun under the pillow and chewed his lip thoughtfully. His mom had told him _not_ to jump on his uncles, because sudden movement and loud noises would probably end up with him being shot accidentally, and he had a feeling that if one of his uncles shot him, his dad would probably make them explode.

He crept silently up between the twin beds his uncles were asleep on. Uncle Dean's snoring stopped, and James knew he was awake immediately. A grin spread across his face, and he looked over at Uncle Sammy. He reached out a hand and gently shook him, whispering to him. 'Uncle Sammy. Uncle Sammy, wake up, it's Christmas!'

At this point, Uncle Dean had one eye open, so James knew he knew who was creeping about in his room. With that knowledge in mind, James dashed to the side of his older uncle's bed and scrambled up, jumping up and down on the old mattress, giggling as Dean rolled over and pinned him down, tickling him.

'Uncle Dean, Uncle Dean, stop, I'm gonna pee!' James shrieked with laughter, his uncle's deep chuckling reverberating through the room. Sam sat up, looking over at them and rolling his eyes, catching sight of the clock as he did.

'Dude, it's like six am. Why are you awake so early?' He ran hand through his messed up hair as Dean pulled James round so he was sitting on his lap.

'It's Christmas, little brother.' Dean grinned. 'Of course we're gonna get woken up early. You excited, kiddo?' He asked his nephew and James nodded enthusiastically.

'Guess what Uncle Dean? It snowed too!' He wiggled a little and Dean let him down to the floor, smiling widely at Sam, who rolled his eyes.

'You know what that means, right Sam?'

Sam groaned, throwing himself backwards onto the pillows and James pulled a face. 'Uncle Sammy, you hafta get up. It's Christmas. There's presents!'

'And food.' Dean grinned. 'Don't forget the most important part of Christmas.'

'Mom got pie.' James grinned, his eyes glinting. He loved pie almost as much as his uncle, except he preferred apple and he knew Uncle Dean's favourite was pecan. James didn't really like the taste of pecan, but Uncle Dean said it was okay because not everyone was perfect.

'Okay, okay, I'm getting up. Just let me put my boots on.'

'Awesome!' The five year old exclaimed, jumping up and down, running for the door.

'We'll be a minute.' Dean called out to him as he ran through, back to his mom's room. He looked over at his brother. 'I can't believe he picked the lock and got in here. I didn't even wake up until he was stood right next to me.'

Sam shrugged. 'He's getting good. Yesterday he told me the exact differences between a Woman in White and a banshee.'

'Dude, you didn't even wake up until he touched you.' Dean shook his head in disbelief, leaning over the bed for his boots. 'He's gonna be a better hunter than either of us.' He tried not to notice the immense sadness that welled up in him when he thought about it, but he was very proud of his nephew. His dad would have been impressed with him; neither Sam nor Dean were this proficient at five; Dean had always been good with a gun, and Sam was good with the book stuff, which was why they made such a good team. James would probably be a team all of his own when he was grown up.

'So. Christmas.' Sam said slowly. 'You got the presents out the trunk last night right?'

'Yeah. Alex was gonna get them out of the closet this morning, when she knew James would be out to wake us up.'

'You knew he'd get through that lock?' Sam asked.

'I hoped.' Dean grinned in reply. 'Boy's smart.'

Sam tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, lacing his boots up. 'Yeah. That can't be your genetics.'

Dean scowled.

* * *

Castiel didn't really understand Christmas. He'd missed the previous year, but he still carried the car that James had given him in his coat pocket at all times. Whenever he felt uncertain of what he was doing, he took it out, holding it, remembering watching the boy grow up. James was _his_; the proof of his rebellion, the one cause that made it worth being cut off from Heaven, from everything he'd known. It was harder, on this new quest, searching for God, but knowing he had a place to belong and feeling that gentle tug against his grace all the time, made it bearable.

When James awoke earlier than usual, Castiel was resting, curled up against Alex in the twin bed that was slightly uncomfortable. She slept soundly, which was good, seeing as she barely slept when he was not there. He knew that his presence soothed her, allowed her dreamless sleep without fear of the nightmares that had caused her concern before. He didn't know why him just being there was helpful, although he suspected it was something to do with his grace being so close to the piece inside her.

James padded across the room, a big smile on his face, and Cas sat up, watching him closely. His son turned briefly and whispered "Merry Christmas, Dad", then continued on his path. Alex groaned, rolling over.

'Leave him be, Cas. He's just going to wake Sam and Dean up. Family rule; no presents until everyone is awake.' She yawned, and he looked down at her, hearing James move out of the door and across to the other room. He felt the chill from outside, and Alex shivered a little, slipping her hand up and around the back of his neck, pulling him down for a deep kiss. Cas indulged her, running a hand down the length of her abdomen, and she arched into his touch. Pulling away, she smiled languidly. 'Hmmm, Merry Christmas.' She whispered, stretching slightly.

'Christmas. The celebration of Christ's birthday.' He frowned. 'This is the wrong date.'

Alex chuckled. 'I figured there'd be something off.' She pushed herself up until she was resting on her elbow, running a hand down his face. 'How about we forgo the fact that we got something wrong, and indulge our excited kid in the best holiday of the year?'

Cas seemed to consider it for a moment, then he smiled. 'I believe I can do that.' He paused, looking over towards his coat which was draped over the chair. 'Dean suggested that I buy presents. I was unsure what to get James.'

'I'm pretty sure he's just happy you're here.' She said, leaning into his chest. 'Besides, Sam and Dean pretty much filled up the trunk with presents for him.' The angel smiled and slipped from the bed, earning a groan from Alex. She moved over, laying her head over the edge of the bed, feeling the residual warmth from where he'd laid, her eyes following him, admiring the view as he slipped across the room in only the white boxers he normally wore to bed. She stretched again as he rifled through his coat, pausing as he found what he was looking for. 'We haven't got long.' She said, rolling onto her back. 'I've gotta get the presents out of the closet and put them under the tree.' The tree was only a small one, the best they could rustle up since getting into town two days before Christmas. They'd found a hunt in the national park, probably a Wendigo, but Alex had insisted that the three days of Christmas be spent watching awful films and eating bad food. The snow was keeping the people out of the woods for the time being, and if need be, the boys could go out on their own and deal with the monster.

Castiel nodded, turning around from his coat. 'I wanted to give you your present first.'

Alex sat upright, blinking at him. 'You...you got me a present?'

He nodded, coming over to sit on the bed. 'It is only something small. Sam suggested it to me.' He held out the small box, and she eyed it warily.

'Cas, you're not...' She gulped, swallowing down her nervousness. He smiled, taking her hand and opening it, placing the box in her palm.

'I am not proposing Alex, although if you wanted, and if it were possible, I would marry you. However, I do not believe it would be...suitable at this time.' He closed her fingers over the box. 'This is merely...a symbol.' He held out his other hand, showing her the car that James had given her the year before. 'I always have this with me. And I always know where you are. I have something to remind me of what I am fighting for, of the good things that come from the sacrifices and hardship.'

'Gee, that's romantic.' She muttered with a sarcastic smile. 'I have James, Cas, I know what I'm fighting for.'

'I know.' He sighed, wondering if he'd over-thought this. Sam had said it was a good idea, but Cas was now beginning to suspect that Sam knew less about women than he did. Although, the younger brother had said it would be unwise to seek Dean's advice in this case. 'Humour me.' He nodded at the box and Alex opened it, gasping. The box contained a necklace, not a ring as she had originally thought. A single silver chain, with a tear drop diamond hanging from it, and she pulled it from the box, holding it up. In the dim light of the motel room, the stone sparkled brightly, and she was mesmerised as she stared at it. 'I am aware you do not normally wear jewellery. Sam suggested it.' Cas watched her reaction, unsure of what to make of it.

'This is very...special.' She smiled, blinking away tears. 'Really special. Thank you, Cas.'

'It is only an ordinary stone.' He said, confused.

'No. It's special cause it's from you.' Alex said, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him hard. His hands wandered up underneath her camisole, pulling her over onto his lap, holding her close into his body. The reaction was immediate as she ground against him, the kiss becoming more intense and she stopped noticing the chilly breeze coming from underneath the door.

The moment was interrupted by excited shouting from the neighbouring room and Alex groaned. She pulled away from Cas, who frowned at the loss of contact. An apologetic smile crossed her face. 'We really need to get these presents sorted. But we'll find some time later, I promise.' She pressed a quick kiss to his lips and he sighed, letting her climb over the bed towards the closet.

Castiel really didn't understand Christmas.

* * *

'I love it, James, thank you.' Alex held the photo in her hands, smiling down at it. It was a picture of her brothers, James and Cas, awkwardly posed; and she couldn't expect anything different. James had made the frame with charms Sam had helped him pick out at a craft store. He'd put on a car, which she supposed was the Impala, although it wasn't very similar. Next to the car was a gun, and stars. She turned it over in her hands, feeling a pinching in her chest as James sat next to her. She reached her arm around him and hugged him close, seeing the neat handwriting on the back of the frame.

_For mom, my biggest hero._

'You like it, mom?' Oh, she hated that he'd started calling her mom. Ever since his first successful hunt, he'd seemed a little taller, a little more grown up and the loss of "mommy" made her realised he wouldn't be so small forever. 'The glitter is supposed to be salt. We couldn't figure out how to make the salt stick, so Uncle Sammy suggested glitter.'

'It's beautiful baby, I do love it, so much.' She pressed a kiss to his forehead, and he squirmed under the affection, scowling as his uncles chuckled.

'Uncle Dean has to open his next!' He exclaimed and his mom let him go, watching him pull Dean's present from the pile and handing it to him.

'Where'd you hide this?' Dean asked, looking at the red wrapping paper in confusion. Alex shrugged. 'It's been in my duffel for about three weeks. James picked it out. I helped him wrap it.'

'Mom had to pay for it too, cause my allowance wouldn't cover it.' James admitted sheepishly, and Dean laughed a little, pulling at the wrapping paper. He revealed the wooden box underneath, and he glanced up to James' pensive face. He flipped the lid on the box, and a smile came over his face. His hand ghosted over the interior of the box, then his fingers slid around the handle of the knife inside.

'This is...this must have been expensive, Alex.' He looked up and she shrugged.

'Figured this might be our last Christmas on earth right?' The joke fell flat as Dean pulled the knife from the box, admiring the thin, sharp blade and the carved handle.

'You like it, Uncle Dean?' James' voice seemed small; he didn't understand his mom's joke, but he wanted to know if his uncle liked the present. 'It's not as cool as the one that kills demons, but mom and I found a hunter shop and they said that it's really sharp and the balance is perfect.' He scrunched up his nose. 'I don't know what that means.'

'No, no, kiddo.' Dean smiled, taking his eyes from the knife and looking over at his nephew. 'It's awesome. Seriously awesome.'

'I know it's not as cool as your machete.' James said quietly.

'Nah, it's better. This I can hide.' He put it back in the box, reaching over to ruffle James' hair. He sighed, trying not to let the emotion get the best of him. There hadn't been many memorable Christmases for the Winchesters, but he had a feeling this one would stick out in his mind forever. Gesturing to the presents, he smiled awkwardly. 'What about Uncle Sammy?' James brightened, pulling another box from the pile and pushing it at his taller uncle, who took it, looking slightly bewildered. He gently unwrapped the paper, which was blue, opposed to the red that Dean had. Inside the box was a new journal, leather bound, with his name inscribed at the bottom.

'This is awesome, James.' Sam looked up, smiling. 'Thank you.'

'Mom said you finished your old one.' The boy said shyly. 'And I know how much you like to write things down.' Sam's smiled widened and he pulled James over to him, embracing him tightly.

'Thank you.' He repeated as James struggled to get out of his grip.

'Dude. No chick flick moments.' The five year old protested, and Sam laughed, letting him go. Dean almost choked at his words, and Alex rolled her eyes.

'He's been spending way too much time with you.' Sam said, in between laughs.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of presents, food, and snowball fights. Dean and Sam got slightly too competitive whilst throwing the white stuff at each other, and Dean had split his brother's lip by accident. Alex and James had introduced Cas to the concept of building snowmen, but the angel hadn't quite got to grips with it and it had become a game, with James launching snowballs at his mom and dad.

By the time it got dark, James was exhausted and he fell asleep curled up on the edge of the bed, Alex relaxing behind him as some seasonal film played on the television set. Dean was at the table, finishing off the last of the pie whilst Sam enjoyed a beer. Castiel watched them, wondering how he'd ended up being a part of the family unit, wondering how he'd come to be so fortunate. He'd always thought being an angel, being a soldier was all he was meant for, but as Alex looked up at him from her position on the bed, their son curled in front of her, and reached out for him, he knew that somehow he'd been given the greatest gift.

Which made him all the more determined not to lose it.

* * *

Christmas had passed too quickly for Alex's liking and they were back on the road again. The Wendigo hunt had gone well, although James had sulked about being left out. Dean had praised his enthusiasm but Alex was beginning to become reluctant about it again. She knew she'd pressed for him to join them on more hunts, to learn what they were doing, what he was apparently destined for, but the ease with which James was settling into it was alarming. Her concern only grew when they got a call for a job in Kansas, close to Lawrence, and James practically begged to be included. She wondered whether to broach the subject with Castiel, but he was gone more often than not these days, and she was beginning to miss him. He'd said she wouldn't notice his absence, but she was, and so was James. She wondered if that was why the boy was so eager to be included in the hunts.

'So, this spirit has been attacking randomly. The haunting seems to be centred around the Westerham Hall part of the campus. We've got one student with a broken leg, two in a critical condition in the ICU and one fatality.' Sam rattled off the reports as they sat in the motel. It was January the second, and the weather was chilly, even for this time of year.

'Is it a salt and burn?' James asked, excitedly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. Dean grinned, reaching over for a beer.

'You know, we really need to sort out that mop on your head.'

Sam frowned at his brother. 'Leave his hair alone, Dean.'

'Just cause you're the poster boy for L'oreal.' Dean muttered, taking a swig of his drink.

Alex contemplated her son's long blonde locks for a moment. 'It is getting pretty long.' She commented, thinking for a moment. 'Maybe we should cut it. It's not very...practical.'

'It keeps getting in my eyes.' James moaned. 'It's girl hair.'

'Girl hair?' Sam asked, somewhat accusingly. 'I don't have girl hair.'

'Yeah, you do.' Dean chuckled. 'Have you seen you in the morning? Hell, I was gonna get you some straighteners for Christmas.' Sam aimed a bitchface in his direction, which just increased his laughter. He turned to Alex. 'I can take care of that right now, if you want? Hell, I do my own, clippers are charged.'

Alex glanced at James. 'You want Uncle Dean to cut your hair, honey? It's up to you.'

'Yes!' James grinned. 'Can I have it like yours?' He asked his uncle and Dean nodded.

'Whatever you want, kiddo. Sam, you keep looking into that case, see if you can find a body.'

'No problem.' Sam replied, turning back to his laptop. Alex watched as Dean stood, placing a hand on James' shoulder. His nephew followed him from the room, and Alex sighed, turning to Sam. He raised his eyes to hers. 'You okay?'

'Yeah.' She said, fiddling with the necklace Cas had given her for Christmas. 'No. I mean...' Another soft sigh, and Sam turned his attention entirely on her. 'I'm worried. James is getting really into the hunts and it bugs me a little.'

Sam frowned. 'You were the one who encouraged him to join us. It's a bit late to change your mind now.'

'No, I know. But...this...I mean, with the Wendigo, he was so upset that he couldn't be involved to _kill_ something. He's five, Sam. That's not right.' She worried at her bottom lip and Sam shut the laptop, moving to sit closer to her.

'Look, this life – it's not what any of us wanted for him. It's not what we wanted for us. But it is what it is, and he's learning. He's different, Alex. He's always gonna be different.'

'You know he told me yesterday that he didn't understand how math was gonna help him be a hunter. I had to make something up.' She looked towards the door. 'He kinda idolises Dean, doesn't he?'

Sam smiled a little. 'He's not a bad guy to idolise. We did it for long enough.' His eyes followed Alex's to the door. 'And it's good for Dean. I don't even wanna think about how he'd be without James around. He was miserable when we left you at Bobby's. The nightmares came back.' They both knew he was referring to Hell. 'But when he's here, with all of us together...things are better, Alex. You gotta admit that.'

'I know.' She said slowly. 'It's still worrying.'

'Look, why don't we leave you guys behind on this hunt. If you're that concerned...'

'No.' Alex shook her head. 'I can't stop him now. Changing my mind would only confuse him. He needs to learn this stuff. Even if I'd prefer he didn't.' Sam nodded, not knowing what else to say, so he pulled the laptop back open and went back to the research.

Twenty minutes later, Dean walked in with James, and the boy was smiling from ear to ear. His previously shagging blond locks were cut to short back and sides, with it slightly longer in the middle; exactly how Dean had his hair. It looked darker when it was short, and his sparkling blue eyes were more visible without the hair constantly falling in his face. 'Mom!' He yelled, running over to her. 'Don't I look cool?'

Alex smiled tightly, taking him in. 'You do, sweetheart. Just like a mini-hunter.' And she wasn't wrong. Aside from the trainers adorning his feet, he was dressed in jeans, a plaid shirt and now with his hair cut, he was the spitting image of his uncle. Alex had always been told that she looked like Dean, but her son was practically a mini-version. She wondered how he'd changed so much in the past year. He was a couple of inches taller, and his baby fat was almost gone. Apart from the Batman t-shirt he wore under the plaid over-shirt, he looked so grown up it made her heart ache.

He shouldn't be becoming an adult so fast.

What was she doing?

James grinned, not sensing his mother's inner turmoil. 'So, can I come on this hunt, mom? Please?' His voice was pleading, and she looked up to Dean, who smiled at her. It was clear he was proud of the boy, and Alex could at least be thankful for that. John Winchester had barely told any of his kids that he was proud of them, let alone that he loved them, and James knew every single day that he was cherished by the Winchester siblings. She thought for a moment, then relented, nodding her head. He grinned and jumped into the chair next to his uncle Sam, waiting. Sam looked at Alex, who shrugged.

They had a spirit to put to rest.


	25. Chapter 25

Dean was enjoying this dream. Strippers were always one of his favourites, and right now, leaning back on the wide sofa, he was thoroughly enjoying the view presented to him by the two scantily clad women in front of him; one dressed as an angel and one dressed as a devil. Warrant's "Cherry Pie" blasted through the stereo as the two women gyrated on the stage, and he raised his eyebrows as they got closer together. _Please don't let me wake up._ The strippers came closer, and he grinned widely as they bent down to him.

Then the music stopped, the girls were gone, and Anna stood on the stage in front of him, looking bemused at the situation she found him in.

He shifted uncomfortably. 'Anna?' He looked around; yep, the girls were definitely gone. 'I was just, uh, working on a case.'

'This is what you dream about.' She stated wryly, the hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth. He looked away, ducking his head to avoid her eyes.

'This is awkward.' He muttered, then looked back up at her. 'Why are you gate-crashing my head? Why don't you just swing by the motel?'

'I can't find you.' Anna replied, annoyance in her tone.

'Oh.' He gestured to his ribs. 'Cas did this thing...'

Her face grew dark. 'Cas. Right. Now, there's a friend you can count on.'

Dean frowned. 'What?'

'He didn't tell you?' She said, looking slightly shocked.

'Tell me what?'

'Where I've been. Of course not. Why would he?'

'Where have you been?'

She sighed. 'Prison. Upstairs. All the torture, twice the self-righteousness.' Dean cocked his head to the side.

'Why wouldn't he have told us where you were?'

'Because he's the one who turned me in.' The shock on Dean's face was evident, and she huffed. 'Don't look so shocked. He was always a good little soldier. Did anything under orders. Like letting Sam out of the panic room.'

Shock turned to anger in a second, and Dean clenched his fists against his trousers. 'I didn't know.' He looked her over. 'Are you okay?'

'No.' She shrugged, folding her arms. 'And I don't have long. I broke out. Barely. They're looking for me. If they find me...'

He nodded. 'Okay. What do you need?'

'Meet me. Two two five, Industrial. And, please, just -'

Dean's eyes snapped open and he sat up in bed, the echo of Anna's last word running through his head._ Hurry._ He wiped at his face, processing what she'd just told him, trying not to let anger get the best of him. But naturally, it failed. He kicked his legs over the side of the bed, grabbing his boots. Sam woke up with a start, looking over at his brother with concern. 'Dean?' His voice was croaky from sleep, and he pushed himself up. Dean ignored him, finishing lacing his boots and stomping over to the door. 'Dean, dude, what's going on?'

'I need a word with Cas.' His brother replied, opening the motel room door and stomping out onto the concrete. He walked over to his sister's door, preparing to pound the living shit out of the wooden frame until someone answered, then he scowled. If he woke James, Alex would kill him, and it was near to one in the morning. He took a breath, clenching and unclenching his fists. 'Cas.' He breathed, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. 'Cas, get your feathered ass out here now.'

A beat passed, and the ruffling of feathers behind him made him jump a little. Cas stood, dressed somewhat haphazardly in his suit and trench coat, his hair a little messed up. Dean didn't even wanna know what he was doing. A few seconds later, a thud sounded from Alex's room, and he heard her stomping over to the door. She opened it, scowling outside.

'What the hell, Dean?'

'Not now, Alex. I gotta have some words.'

'We were asleep, you jackass!' She reached out, pushing him forward, and he turned blazing green eyes on her.

'Get back in your damn room!' He hissed and she clenched her jaw in anger.

'What is your goddamn problem?' Alex demanded, making a fist. Sam poked his head out from his and Dean's room, confusion on his face.

'My problem, little sister, is your boyfriend is the one who let Sam out the panic room!'

'What?' Sam asked, as Alex stared. Cas' stood in the parking lot, his face steady and impassive.

'You heard me.' Dean spat, turning to Cas. 'You realise you doing that nearly cost us everything, right?' He got closer to the angel, his entire being vibrating with anger.

'I was following orders.' Cas pointed out.

'Bullshit!' Dean said. 'You came and got me after! Don't give me that orders crap.'

Cas looked him dead in the eye. 'I was doing what I was told, Dean. I hadn't quite fully realised the implications of blindly following the heavenly host. It has been months. Don't you think I know what I did was wrong?'

'Oh yeah? How about getting Anna dragged up to Heaven's precinct? You missed that part out too.' Dean was furious, one second away from punching the angel, who stood staring at him with no emotion on his face. 'And if you're wondering how I know, she's the one who told me! She's in trouble, and it's your fault!'

Castiel tilted his head to the side, concern crossing his face. 'You saw her?'

'She came to me in a dream.' Dean said, some of the tension dropping away from him. 'She said she was in trouble, that she escaped but they're after her.'

The angel stepped closer. 'She was lying.' Dean raised an eyebrow. 'You don't _escape_ from Heaven. She was let out. Most likely for a purpose.' He looked to Alex, who glanced back into the room to check on James. 'What did she say?'

The anger had all but melted from Dean now, and he sighed. 'To meet her at two two five, Industrial. That she needed help. You sure she couldn't have escaped?'

'I didn't.' Cas replied simply. 'They only let you out once you are fully...reconditioned. Some angels have been in that prison for thousands of years. I will go. I will find out what she wants.'

'She won't be happy to see you.' Dean said, his brow dipping a little. 'I think we can safely say you are not her favourite person.'

'I won't allow her to put you in danger. Any of you.' The angel replied, and then disappeared. Dean turned away, shaking his head.

'You about done?' Alex asked, angrily.

'Are you?' Her brother spat back. 'I mean, we find out that he _lied_ to us, Alex and you rush to his defence.'

'To be fair, Dean, Cas hasn't done anything wrong in months. He's stuck by us, all this time, when he didn't have to.' Sam pointed out from where he leant against the door jamb. 'He's only been gone recently because he's trying to find a way to help us.' Alex nodded, folding her arms over her chest.

'Sometimes I think you're just looking for a reason to hate him.' She chimed in. 'Or is it just because we're -' She paused, not entirely sure how to describe what was going on between her and the angel. Dean latched onto it like a pitbull.

'You don't even know what's going on, Alex. He's with you almost every night, disappears when he feels like it.'

'I don't really think now's the time...' Sam started, but Dean held a hand up to silence him, and Sam blinked at the dismissal. Alex scowled deeply at her big brother.

'It's none of your business, Dean. I'm not having this argument again.' She turned, but Dean grabbed her shoulder, pulling her backwards. 'Get off!' She growled out at him, holding a finger in his face. 'If you wake James, I am going to kick your ass.'

'Alex, you need to wake up. This isn't gonna end happy for you.' He replied. 'You think you can do this fucked up family thing, but you're just gonna get hurt. _James_ is gonna get hurt. He's better off with just the three of us.'

Alex shook her head. 'You think I don't know that? You think I don't know that any day, Cas could disappear and not come back? He could get ganked any minute. But guess what?' She took a breath. 'So could we, Dean. I'm just grabbing a bit of happiness where I find it, okay? Maybe you should try doing the same.'

Dean froze, then shook his head. 'I do, Alex. Did it never occur to you that I'm happiest when I'm with you guys?' Her eyes slid to Sam, who ran a hand down his face and stepped out into the night air.

'Look, guys, it's late. We can't stand out here arguing all night.' He placed a hand on Dean's shoulder, and his brother stepped back, looking between them.

'Fine. But we're not done here.'

* * *

'Hello? Who's there?' Anna's voice rang through the warehouse lot, echoing against the wind. She turned as the light bulbs above her head sparked and exploded, and Castiel appeared in front of her. He tilted his head, regarding her coolly.

'Hello, Anna.'

She folded her arms, smiling gently. 'Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd say the Winchesters don't trust me.'

'They do.' Castiel said slowly. 'I don't. I wouldn't let them come.' He moved slowly, circling her, assessing her. She stayed in the same spot, turning her body to face him as he walked around her.

'And why is that?'

'If you're out of prison, it's because they let you out. And they sent you here to do their dirty work.'

'And what makes you so sure?' She asked, her eyes narrowing.

Cas smiled. 'Because I've experienced...heaven's persuasion.'

She glared. 'You mean when you gave me to them.'

'That was a mistake.' He paused briefly. 'Anna, whatever they sent you here to do -'

'They didn't send me.' She tossed her hair over her shoulder. 'I escaped.'

He shook his head. 'No one escapes.'

'All these centuries, and you're underestimating me now?'

He took a moment to absorb her words, stopping his circling. 'If you're not one of them, then what do you want.'

'I want to help.' She said, and if he hadn't known any better, the earnest tone she used would have hooked him. Dean and Sam would have believed her. But Castiel couldn't. There was too much at stake. A glint of silver caught his eyes, and he realised she was armed. He let his own angel blade slip discreetly into his hand.

'You want to help?' He clarified and she nodded.

'Yes.'

'Then what are you doing with that knife?' He asked, and she drew it out, looking appalled at the accusation.

'I'm not allowed to defend myself?' His eyes covered the weapon, and he realised it was a regular knife, not an angel blade.

'Against whom?' He pointed at the knife. 'That blade doesn't work against angels. It's not like this one.' He held out his own blade, keeping his eyes on the red headed angel. 'Maybe you're not working for Heaven. But there's something you're not telling me.'

Anna took a breath, visibly steeling herself to tell him the truth. Cas waited patiently, knowing this could never end well. 'Sam Winchester has to die.' She said, her voice shaking a minute amount. He didn't betray the anger inside him. 'I'm sorry, but we have no choice. He's Lucifer's vessel.'

'He's not the only one.' He replied, thinking of Alex. Anna picked up on his thoughts, laughing a little.

'Lucifer doesn't want Alex for a vessel. He wants her for other reasons. And that guy, Nick?' She shook her head. 'He's burning away as we speak. No.' Her eyes glittered as she raised her chin. 'Sam is the only vessel that matters. You know what that means?' If Lucifer can't take Sam, his whole plan short-circuits. No fight with Michael. No Croatoan virus.' She paused, looking him dead in the eye. 'The Horsemen go back to their day jobs. Your family won't be taken, Castiel.'

Cas returned her gaze, steady as steel. 'Even if you could...kill Sam, Satan would just bring him back to life.'

'Not after I scatter his cells across the universe.' Anna smiled as the other angel turned away, bracing his shoulders. 'They'll never find him. Not all of him.'

He shook his head, keeping his back to her. 'We'll find another way.'

'How's that going?' She asked perkily. 'How's the Colt working out? Or the search for God? Is anything working? If you want to stop the devil, this is how.'

'The answer is still no.'

'You've changed.' She said in wonder, staring at his back.

He clenched his jaw, turning back to her slowly. 'Maybe too late, but I have.' He looked at her, hoping to reach her some other way but knowing it wouldn't work. 'Anna, we've been through much together. But you come near Sam Winchester and I'll kill you.'

For a few more seconds, she held his gaze, considering what he'd said. Then she disappeared. Castiel sighed heavily, looking up and shutting his eyes. He needed to find her before she caused any damage.

* * *

Alex awoke slowly, noticing that she was alone straight away. Obviously Cas hadn't come back after the argument with Dean, and that worried her. She knew he'd gone to see Anna, and the fact that he hadn't returned was not a good sign. She sat up, reaching for her pants, glancing over to see James was still asleep. She'd been out for a few hours, and it was beginning to get light outside. She moved towards the door, grabbing her shirt on the way, slipping it over her arms. She took one step out the door and realised how cold it was, then turned to grab her boots. After slipping them on, she walked to her brothers' room, knocking lightly on the door. When she got no answer, she frowned, trying to see in the window. The room appeared empty, and a cold fist of panic gripped her insides. She made her way back to her room, finding her lock pick, and making sure she locked her own door on the way out. James would be safe for five minutes.

After picking the lock and slipping into the boys room, she found it unoccupied. She stuck her head back out the door, and the Impala was still parked outside. A frown made its way across her face as she considered where her brothers had gone.

Five seconds later, Sam landed, unconscious, on the motel bed. He bounced, rolled and hit the floor with a thud, and Alex shrieked at the surprise, before running to his side. 'Sam? Sammy?' Her hands checked him for injuries, but he didn't appear to have any. He stirred, coming round. 'A-Alex?' He stuttered, opening his eyes. 'Where's Dean?'

'Where the hell were you?' She asked, her voice high with panic. 'I came in here, you guys were _gone_ and then you appear out of thin air?'

Sam sat up, holding his head, then seemed to remember something and his hands went to his stomach. 'No...Anna...she killed me...I remember...'

'What do you mean she killed you?' His sister's eyes were wide and full of terror. He put a hand on her shoulder.

'It's fine, obviously I'm not dead.' He looked around. 'We went back...Anna went back to kill Mom and Dad.'

'What?' Alex shouted, then remembered the thin walls and the sleeping child next door. 'What the hell do you mean? Why didn't you tell me?'

'Cas was pretty insistent that we get it done. He said you wouldn't notice we were gone.'

'Oh no. I wouldn't notice you being _dead_.' She spat, standing up. Sam gripped the side of the bed, hauling his six foot plus frame upright.

'Actually, none of us would have been born, so it wouldn't have mattered.' He said, trying to keep his voice level. Alex whirled on him, fury on her face.

'Not being born? We're not the only ones in this. But thanks for making that decision. Thank you for nearly wiping your goddamn _nephew_ from existence.'

Sam blinked, clearly not having considered that at the time. 'Oh. God. No, Alex, we never -' He looked down guiltily. 'I never even thought of that.'

'I did.' Dean said from across the room, and his siblings jumped at his sudden appearance. 'I considered it. And considering the alternative,' he shrugged lightly. 'You can never know you've died if you haven't been born, right?' Alex glared at him, and in two strides she was in front of him, landing a sharp blow to his face. His head snapped to the side from the slap, and when he looked up, Alex was staring at him like she _hated_ him, tears pooling in her eyes. He didn't move, didn't show anything on his face. He'd known it would upset her, but in truth, he sometimes thought that if none of them existed, then this hell of a future they were heading for wouldn't exist either.

Sam came up behind Alex and pulled her backwards, away from Dean. She didn't put up a fight, but her glare remained on her elder brother. 'You'd wish him away? Just like that?' She asked. 'I thought you...'

'Alex, look we didn't think okay. Dean's being an ass. You know we love James, you know we love you. It was a...a heat of the moment thing. They were gonna kill mom.'

'It didn't matter anyway.' Dean said, moving across the room. 'Michael turned up, possessed Dad and ended the whole thing.'

'Michael?' Sam asked. 'Was that who sent me back?'

'Yeah.' His brother replied, not looking up at them as he started to put stuff into his duffel. 'He told me a few things aswell. Like why we're the lucky family. It's all to do with bloodlines or something.' He pulled a bottle of whiskey out from the bag, and threw some plastic cups over to Sam, who caught them deftly. 'I need a drink.' Sam opened the cups, handing one to Alex, who had sunk down onto the bed in a stupor. Dean took his cup, poured out some whiskey and then poured some for his siblings. Sam looked up, glancing to the mirror, and saw Castiel reflected in it.

'Castiel.' The angel wobbled on his feet, as Alex and Dean looked up. Sam jumped forward. 'Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.' He caught Cas under one arm as he fell backwards, and Dean was at their side in an instance, grabbing him.

'Cas! We got you.' The eldest Winchester said, as Alex stood, putting her drink on the table, her only concern for the obviously injured angel. 'You son of a bitch, you made it.'

'I...I did? I'm very surprised.' He grunted, his eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out. Dean looped one of his arms under the angel's back, motioning to Sam to get him onto the bed. Alex hovered as they put him down, and it became clear that Castiel was out for the count.

'Is he...gonna be okay?' She asked, as her brothers moved away and retrieved their drinks. She sat next to Cas, smoothing his hair back. It was unusual to see him so...fragile. His skin was paler than normal, and his heart was racing. Sam smiled at her.

'I'm sure he'll be fine.' He glanced to Dean who shrugged. Silence permeated the room and as the boys sipped at their drinks and Dean grimaced.

'Well, this is it.'

Sam looked over at him quizzically. 'This is what?'

'Team Free Will.' Dean sipped at the whiskey, making a face as he swallowed it down. 'One ex-blood junkie, a kid, two high school drop outs and Mr-Comatose over there.' He raised his glass in Cas' direction. 'It's awesome.'

'It's not funny.' Sam said quietly.

'I'm not laughing.'

Sam sighed and took a sip of the alcohol, his eyes on his sister. 'They all say we'll say yes.'

'I know. It's getting annoying.' Dean drawled.

'What if they're right?' His brother replied, and Dean finished his glass, draining the amber liquid away. He put the cup down.

'They're not.'

'I mean, why, why would we, either of us?' He thought for a moment. 'But...I've been weak before.'

Dean's voice took on a warning tone. 'Sam.'

'Michael got Dad to say yes.' Sam pointed out and Dean shook his head.

'That was different. Anna was about to kill Mom.'

'And if you could save Mom...what would you say?' Sam asked, his gaze finally shifting from Alex to his brother.

Dean didn't look back.

He didn't say anything.

* * *

Alex watched Cas for a while after his reappearance. They hadn't wanted to move him from the bed, not to mention the fact that an unconscious angel was apparently a dead weight, so Sam had taken his stuff next door to sleep in with James. Dean had gotten himself comfy and turned off the lights, leaving his sister to it. In the darkness, she lay down next to the angel, just about able to make out his features in the night. She wondered if this was what he'd done so many times when she'd been asleep; studying her, learning every dip and curve of her face. He looked so relaxed, so peaceful, and she smiled as she traced the outline of his jaw with her finger. Yawning widely, she realised how tired she was, and curled into his side, tucking her head into the crook of his elbow. It didn't take long for her to drift off into slumber herself.

When she woke up, Dean was gone, it was light outside, and Cas had moved. He was facing her now, his armed curled around her shoulders and his forehead leaning against hers. She smiled as she realised the position they were in, her eyes still blurry from sleep. He twitched, and she snuggled closer, pressing her lips to his gently. He woke then, one hand coming up to caress her cheek, pulling her closer to deepen the kiss.

'Alex.' He breathed, opening his eyes. That sparkling blue looked back at her, and she was lost in another kiss. He shifted, pulling one of her legs over his, and his other arm snaked further around to rest just above her ass, pressing her hips into his. He broke the kiss, smiling softly down at her. 'Are we in your brothers' room?' He asked and she nodded.

'You were out cold. We didn't want to move you.'

'Are your brothers here?' He asked, and she shook her head slightly in reply. 'Good.' He whispered, and then rolled, pinning her beneath him, her legs either side of his. She yelped, and let out a giggle, which became a groan as he trailed open mouthed kisses over her collarbone. The hand that had been on her back came up to grip the hem of her shirt, pushing it upwards, his fingers questing underneath her clothes to find her breast. He pinched one hardened nub and she arched up into him, gasping as she wrapped her hand around the back of his head, pulling his mouth down to meet hers.

'Oh, god, Cas.' She whispered into his mouth, and he silenced her, tasting her as his hands roamed over her heated flesh. He pressed in between her legs, and she hooked her ankles around his back, trying to pull him closer. His other hand was fumbling with the button of her jeans, slipping under her waistband. She gasped as he brushed against her sensitive skin, his mouth falling to her neck, kissing her underneath her ear.

The lock of the motel door turned, and Dean opened the door, walking in with a bag of food in his hand. He stopped as he saw his sister and angel on the bed, and his mouth dropped open. 'Seriously? Guys?'

Cas stopped what he was doing, looking up and Alex blushed furiously, pulling her top down. She didn't think Dean had seen anything, but judging by the look on his face, just seeing them dry hump each other into the mattress was bad enough. She dropped her legs, pushing Castiel off as the angel looked a little put out. 'Dean...hey.' She smiled, trying to smooth her hair down. 'Erm, Cas is...feeling better.' She finished lamely. Dean scowled, then wordlessly walked over to the table and dropped the food down.

'Sam and James are just coming in from the car. Can you...er...not?' He asked, not looking at them. Alex sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed as Cas stood, straightening his coat and shirt. Dean was shaking his head, mumbling under his breath. She stood, walking over.

'Sorry.' She said quietly, reaching out for the bag of food. 'What did you get?'

'Probably nothing that would satisfy your appetite.' He replied snarkily, looking over his shoulder at Cas. 'Seriously? In Sam's bed?'

'Well, we're moving on tonight right? I mean, we've been here nearly a week. It's been nice to take a break, seeing as we haven't had once since Christmas. We've spent the last month working non stop.' She shrugged and Dean looked at her with irritation.

He took the bag from her, pulling out various breakfast foods. 'Sam found a case. We're headed back to South Dakota. Town an hour from Bobby's. Couple literally ate each other alive.' He looked over at Cas. 'You with us on this one?' He asked the angel. Castiel nodded. 'I will be.' He looked over to Alex. 'I will return. I must go and see if anything else came of Anna.' And he was gone. Alex's shoulders slumped and she looked up at her brother.

'You have the worst timing.'

'Sue me.' He stuck his tongue out, placing a piece of bacon on it and chewing.

* * *

**Oh, you guys are gonna love the next chapter. I'm pulling some inspiration from another show for this one. If anyone can guess after the chapter, you get a Dean-shaped cookie.**


	26. Chapter 26

He was sweating and shaking, his eyes were red rimmed and they'd had to stop half a dozen times at the side of the road so he could be sick. They were currently pulled up on the side of a country road, and he was doubled over into the bushes, heaving repeatedly, but nothing happening because he simply had nothing left to give. His mom's hand rubbed his back gently as she looked over to her brothers in concern. Sam stepped forward to hand her a bottle of water. She took it and twisted the lid off, offering it to James who pushed it away with one hand. 'Don't want it.' He muttered, returning to heaving at the roadside. Alex looked back to her brothers.

'We can't take him with us.' She said as James took a shuddering breath and turned, seeking the comfort of his mother's arms.

'Can we call Cas?' Sam asked, and his sister shook her head.

'He's not answering. Besides, he can't really do anything, being cut off from Heaven. James is just gonna have to work his way through this.'

'Well, we're forty five minutes out from Bobby's. We could drop him there, get the case done and head back?' Dean suggested. Alex looked down at James, who was barely conscious and she shifted, trying to move him. He grunted, burrowing closer into her lap and she looked upwards, sighing.

'What is it with Winchester men being clingy when they're sick?' She muttered and Dean scowled, moving swiftly forward. He bent down, pulling James away from his mom and into his arms. He stood straight, cradling the pale boy in his arms, his scowl at his sisters remark disappearing as he gazed down at his sweat soaked nephew.

'Son of a bitch, Alex, he's burning up.' He moved to the car, settling James in the back seat. 'We're taking him to Bobby's. Sam get him on the phone, let him know we're coming and to get a damn doctor round.' Alex and Sam started at the sudden urgency in their brothers tone and climbed into the car, barely shutting the doors before Dean was pulling away from the kerb. Sam grabbed his phone from the glove box, dialling Bobby. After three rings, the old hunter picked up, a gruff greeting barked down the phone.

'Bobby, it's Sam. We're gonna be with you in about half an hour.'

_/I thought you were on a case?/_

'We are. But James is sick. Really sick. You know any doctors in town?' Sam tapped his finger on his jeans nervously.

_/Sick? What do you mean sick?/_

'Er, he's got a fever, sweating, he's puked a couple times...'

_/That sounds nasty. Get your asses here. I'll play nurse maid while you go do the case./_

'I don't know if I wanna leave him.' Alex said from the back seat and Sam glanced over at her. Bobby had heard what she'd said and grumbled down the phone. Sam chuckled and Alex frowned at him.

'He said if you criticise his babysitting skills again, he's gonna shoot you.' Bobby spoke again. 'Yeah, okay, we're gonna be there soon. Yeah he's speeding.' He nodded and hung up the phone, looking over at his brother.

'He said slow down.'

Dean's jaw ticked as his fingers tightened around the steering wheel. He didn't respond to the comment, focusing on the road ahead. The Impala moved along the asphalt like a bat out of hell, the occupants quiet, aside from the soothing words Alex was whispering to her son.

Twenty five minutes and several broken speed limits later, they arrived at Bobby's. Sam had the car door open a split second before Dean, moving to the rear of the car and gently lifting James from the back seat. Alex slid out after, sticking close to Sam who had maneuvered James to be resting with his head on his shoulder. Bobby was on the porch, sat his chair as they moved to the house.

'Doctors on his way. I assumed this was a regular thing and not a hunter thing.'

'He's just sick.' Dean said, waiting for Sam to enter the house first. 'We didn't know what else to do.'

'Well you got a case to work haven't you?'

'I wanna wait.' Alex insisted, as Bobby wheeled into the house behind her. He shut the door, following the Winchester family into the living room where Sam laid James down on the sofa, pulling his coat off. He laid one of his large hands across the boy's forehead, and James groaned. Sam frowned, looking over at his siblings. Alex slid to her knees beside them, her eyes taking in her son's pale colour, the sweat sticking his short hair to his forehead.

The sound of a car pulling up on the gravel outside had Dean moving to the door, and he opened it to the doctor Bobby had called. The guy was middle aged, balding and dressed very casually but seemed friendly enough as he greeted the surly looking hunter. Dean gestured him into the house without speaking and the doctor smiled, nodding at him.

'Dr Riley. Thanks for coming so quick.' Bobby reached out a hand and Dr Riley shook it firmly. He looked over at the child on the sofa.

'This your grandson?' He asked and Bobby nodded, feeling at least a little prideful. Sam rolled his eyes at the old man's hidden sappiness.

'Yeah. They were on their way here when he got sick.'

'He was complaining he had a stomach ache before we left.' Alex explained, not looking up. 'Then he just started puking and he got really hot. He won't eat or drink.' The doctor placed a hand on her shoulder, his face kindly as he looked down at her.

'I assume you're his mom?' He asked and she nodded. 'Let me get a look at him. I'm sure he's going to be fine, but I need you to stand back, okay?' Alex nodded again and allowed Sam to draw her away, but not too far. Her brother slipped an arm around her shoulders, offering as much support as he could. The doctor leant down next to James, checking him over, taking his temperature and listening to his heart. After a few moments, he stood, looking towards Alex. 'It looks like a mild case of the flu. Has he had it before?' She paused, wanting to say yes, but he hadn't, because Cas had taken it away. Not an option this time. She shook her head and the doctor smiled. 'This won't last long. Plenty of fluids, rest and TLC. He can have children's Tylenol for the fever but it isn't high enough for concern. And keep him off school.'

'He's home schooled.' Sam said and the doctor raised an eyebrow. Dean caught it and took offense.

'He's too smart for mainstream anyway.' He said, bristling and Bobby rolled his eyes.

'From what Bobby has told me, I can completely understand that.' The doctor smiled at Dean. 'Are you his father?'

'Uncle.' He replied coolly.

'Oh. Sorry. The family resemblance is quite strong I see.' He looked back towards Alex. 'Try not to worry. He'll be fine. Give it about twelve hours and he'll be calling for cartoons and sweets again.' She nodded, looking down at James, who was now asleep, his eyelashes dark against his pale cheeks. With all the colour gone from his skin, it was easier to see the freckles that were dotted across his nose and she wondered for the hundredth time exactly how much like her brother this kid was gonna be. 'Anyway, Bobby has my number. Call if anything changes, especially if his fever worsens, okay?'

* * *

'Trust me when I say that you sitting here all day with him is not going to do you any good. Bobby can handle this. You heard the doctor, he's going to be fine.'

Sam stood leant against the door frame, listening to his brother argue the point with their sister. She was sat next to a still unconscious James, worry creasing her forehead. It had been two hours since they'd gotten to Bobby's and the old man was trying to shoo them out of the door on this case.

'There is absolutely no point you sitting around here worrying. The boy ain't going nowhere and he's safe inside the wardings.' Bobby wheeled his chair over to his adoptive daughter. 'I'm only at the end of the phone. And if you get real worried, that angel of yours can just pop ok over, right?'

Alex looked up, a look of resignation on her face. 'Okay. Fine. Just...If anything changes, call.'

'You know I will.' He smiled fondly at her and she stood, heading over to Dean's side. Her brother nodded, gripping her shoulder briefly for a moment and then turned, picking up his bag by the door. Sam followed close behind, and Alex paused a moment, lingering in the doorway before turning and moving after her brothers, her shoulders slumped. She took her seat in the Impala, not saying a word as Dean started the engine and backed out of the yard. A few miles up the road, Sam turned in his seat, disliking the silence in the car.

'Alex, come on. We're only a couple hours away. He'll be fine. We've all had the flu and we're still here.'

'I remember watching Sam throw his guts up for two days straight.' Dean chuckled. 'Don't remember you having flu though.' He became thoughtful. 'You never really got sick. You used to hurt yourself a lot. One clumsy ass kid.' He poked at Sam. 'Whereas you always had a cold or something.'

'I wasn't that clumsy.' Alex muttered.

'And she speaks.' Her eldest brother laughed. 'Alex, I remember you breaking your toe on a pair of shoes.'

'That didn't happen.' She scowled at him in the rear view mirror. He nodded, his eyes on the road.

'Sure did. You were running after Sammy cos he pinched you or something. It was in upstate New York, Dad was hunting a werewolf and I think I was...musta been about ten I think. You tripped over Dad's spare boots and caught your toe as you went down. Cried like a baby.' The smile that had been slowly spreading over his face faded a little. 'Till Dad came home.'

Alex ducked her head. She did remember the incident but hated to recall it. She'd spent weeks walking normally, trying to hide the pain from her father. Appearing weak in front of John Winchester was not an option. Sam caught her eye and she knew he felt the same. He changed the subject quickly.

'Besides, Dean's mini me is gonna be up and irritating Bobby in no time. He'll be begging you to come save him.' Sam chuckled.

'Mini me?' Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.

'He was such a sweet little boy.' Sam said in a wondrous voice. 'Then you Dean-ified him.'

'It's true.' Alex said wistfully. 'It doesn't help he's the spitting image of you. I'm going to have hundreds of illegitimate grandchildren when he starts noticing girls.'

The scowl was back on Dean's face. 'I'm not that bad.' Both Sam and Alex laughed as he sulked. 'Shut up.' He snapped in a sulky tone, putting in a tape and turning the volume up. Sam and Alex continued to laugh at him.

The drive continued, the atmosphere dissolved.

* * *

Sam opened the motel room door, juggling the food bags in his arms, dropping them to the table as he walked in. He deftly kicked the door shut with his foot, smiling over at Alex who was typing something on her laptop.

'Hey.' He greeted and Dean turned from the counter, beer in his hand.

'How'd it go?' Dean picked up a second beer, passing it Alex as Sam peered over her shoulder, looking at what she was doing. She'd apparently seized the opportunity to get some actual work done and Sam made an impressed face at the coding she was working through. She pushed him away, smiling.

'Oh, yeah.' The youngest sibling smiled sheepishly. 'No EMF, no sulphur. Ghost possession and demonic possession are both probably out.'

'Hmmm.' Dean swigged at his beer, frowning. 'That's where I was putting my money.' Sam sat down, pulling his own laptop over and plugging it in, flipping the screen up.

'Nope.' He said, popping the "p".

Dean rubbed his eyes, pulling up the last chair to the table and looking between his siblings. 'Well, then what?' He watched Sam type a little. 'Oh, dude. At the coroner's - you didn't see these bodies. I mean, these two started eating each other and they just...kept going! I mean, their stomachs were full. Like, like, Thanksgiving dinner full. Talk about co-dependant.' He made a face and raised his beer in Alex's direction. 'She barely made it out of there quick enough to throw up.'

His sister glared at him. 'Hey. I'm good with a lot of things. Just, dead bodies were always an issue.'

'You're such a girl.' Dean teased and she looked at him with contempt.

'Well, duh.'

'We've got our feelers out. Not much more we can do tonight.' Sam sighed. 'I'm just gonna go through some files. You can go ahead and get going.' He gestured to Dean who looked at him with a mouthful of burger, confusion on his face.

'Sorry?' He asked, swallowing his food.

Sam peered at him over the laptop, swigging his beer before sitting straight.

'Go ahead. Unleash the kraken.' Alex giggled. 'See you tomorrow morning.'

Dean's confusion only deepened. 'Where am I going?'

'Dean, it's Valentine's Day. Your favourite holiday, remember? I mean, what do you always call it - uh, unattached drifter Christmas?'

'That's so very sick, big brother.' Alex laughed as she stole Sam's beer, taking a swig before he wrestled it back from her. Dean shrugged.

'Yeah well, be that as it may...' He paused, looking down at his beer. 'I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it this year.'

'So you're not into bars full of lonely women?' Sam asked disbelieving. Alex raised her eyes to her big brother, waiting for him to be more Dean-like.

'Nah. Guess not.' Alex looked over at Sam, who looked back with wide eyes. Dean watched them, an affronted expression on his face. 'What?!'

Alex leaned towards Sam, keeping her voice low. 'I read once that when dog's don't eat, that's when you know something is really wrong.'

'Your remarkably patronising concern has been duly noted. Nothing is wrong. We gonna work or not?' Dean huffed, putting his beer down a little harder than he should have. The bottle wobbled and then fell, spilling it's contents all over Alex's black suit trousers. She jumped back, yelping in surprise. The chair fell and she pulled at the fabric, trying to keep it off of her leg. Dean grinned sheepishly. 'Oops.'

'Oh yeah, I'm the clumsy one.' Alex snapped, turning on her heel and marching out the door. 'Now I'm gonna have to change.' She slammed the door behind her, heading for the separate room next door. The boys had wanted her to stay in with them, but she'd insisted that she was nearly thirty and was capable of sleeping in her own room. And she was kinda thankful for it now as she shut her door and locked it, and proceeded to remove her boots and peel the wet trousers from her legs. She scowled at the smell of beer and threw them across the room. Standing there in her white shirt (mens style of course because Alex could never be accused of being a girly girl) and short style underwear, she felt a breeze and heard the sound of wings.

'Well, no one could say that isn't good timing.' She grinned turning to Castiel as he watched her from by the door. He frowned as he took in the room.

'Where is James?' He asked, concerned.

'He's with Bobby. He wasn't well. Flu or something.'

'You should have called me.' The angel replied, taking a step towards her. Alex shrugged.

'I didn't think you'd be able to do anything. Being, you know, cut off and all.'

He tilted his head, blue eyes sparkling as he regarded her. 'You seem remarkably fine with being separated from him.'

'I spoke to Bobby twenty minutes ago. James woke up without the fever and was being a petulant brat, according to "Granpa". Tell you the truth, it's kinda nice to have a room to myself. Even mom needs a break right?'

'I wouldn't know.' His eyes swept up the expanse of her bare legs, and Alex smirked, stepping closer to him. 'Your brothers...'

'Think I'm throwing a hissy fit. Dean poured beer on me by accident.'

'But you're not throwing a hissy fit?' Castiel murmured, one hand coming up to trail his fingers through her dark hair. She looked up at him, her eyes sparkling that spectacular shade of green in the dim motel light, a playfully coy smile on her lips as she stepped even closer.

'No. I'm not throwing a hissy fit.' She whispered. Her breathing was heavier as her face got closer to his and Cas smiled.

'I think I understand.' He claimed her lips with his, slipping his arms around her waist. She moulded her smaller frame against his as he clutched at her with a bruising force. One of her hands gripped his loose tie, and the other ran through the dark curls at the nape of his neck as he practically devoured her. His hands slipped down over her ass to grip the back of her legs, pulling her up so her legs wrapped around his waist. He stopped kissing her. 'I want you, Alex.' She smiled at him, running her hand down his face.

'I sorta guessed.' She replied, just before he took her breath away with another deep kiss. He stumbled backwards, coming up against the wall by the door and in a sudden movement, he turned them, pushing Alex up against the solid surface. She gasped as he dropped his head, trailing open mouthed kisses down her throat, pulling her shirt to one side as he explored the soft skin underneath. Everywhere he touched lit a fire in her belly and she arched into him as he yanked on the shirt further, ripping the buttons away and exposing the plain white t-shirt bra she wore underneath. He kissed his way over the top of her breasts and with one hand he pulled her closer, the other coming up to pull at her bra. When it wouldn't come free, she could have sworn he growled in frustration and she giggled. 'You might wanna undo it.' She whispered and he paused, looking up at her.

'I...er...' He thought for a second, then reached for the clasp at her back. He didn't undo it, he simply broke it and she gave him a reproachful look.

'That was a good bra.' She scolded and he grinned, which was so un-Cas-like, it made her pause, but the next moment his lips were on her sensitive flesh again and she forgot. It took a moment for Alex to realise she was only wearing her panties and a very ripped shirt, and that she was completely exposed to him and that was when she decided to get shy.

'Cas.' She whimpered. 'I'm kinda...' He paused, looking up at her. She swallowed under his intense gaze, and then motioned to him. 'I don't think it's fair I'm practically naked.'

Cas looked down, then back up, his gaze predatory and she shivered, reaching out to him. Her fingers slid down the front of his shirt, unbuttoning it slowly as he watched her with lidded eyes. She was still pinned between his hips and the wall, so she dropped her legs, her hands working at pushing the trench coat and suit jacket off of his back, as she kissed a path down his chest. Cas groaned and tilted his head back, and she took advantage, pulling his shirt out of his waistband, leaving it hanging open as she flicked her tongue over his nipple. She looked up at him, seeing the pleasure reflected on his face, his eyes closed as he enjoyed the sensations she was creating in him.

Alex smiled to herself - she knew exactly how to make her angel moan. She moved slowly, agonisingly so, and it was struggle to hold herself back. Was it possible to want someone this much? Every single cell in her body vibrated with need for him, and she wondered if he felt the same. When she kissed over his navel, he jolted a little, looking down at her. His blue eyes were almost black with desire as he looked at her a little quizzically. 'What are you doing?' He asked quietly, not entirely sure of her intention. Alex simply smiled up at him, using one hand to push her hair back out of her face as she continued to worship his skin, kissing the line that signified where his hip met his abdomen.

Whilst his vessel had experience that he could draw on, it was limited. His vessel's wife had never done the things that Alex did to him; he was certain Jimmy had never taken Amelia out in the wilderness up against a tree. And what Alex was doing now; his vessel certainly had no memories of doing _that._ Her slender fingers hooked around his waistband, popping the button and pulling his trousers open. He was aching now, painfully so, and as she pulled the trousers over his hips and the fabric brushed against his _very_ sensitive flesh, he hissed, thrusting his hips forward slightly. Alex chuckled.

'Calm down, Cas.' She said quietly, one hand skimming up his leg to dip below the boxers. Her fingers ignited an electric current under his skin, and she was so close to touching him, and he wanted to be touched so badly.

'Alex...' She looked up at him, raising one eyebrow, that little smirk he loved so much on her face. Then she curled her fingers under the elastic of his white boxer shorts and they pooled around his feet the next second. He stood there, clad only in the white shirt, Alex on her knees and...

Holy fuck.

His knees buckled slightly as hot, wet heat enveloped him, and he felt like his eyes were going to roll back in his head. Alex hadn't done this before; _no one_ had done this before, the simple feel of it was making fireworks go off in his head. He looked down, one of his hands sliding through her hair to fist at the back, somehow feeling like it was the right thing to do in this circumstance. Then she pulled away, and he moaned in protest, wanting to pull her back, until she ran her tongue up the length of him, taking him in once more. Cas was suddenly glad he'd picked up all the curse words that the Winchesters were fond of, because they were the only ones that could sum up the feelings she was creating in him, sending wave after wave of electric fire through his body.

But it was too much. Something was curling and unwinding in his gut and he couldn't contain it. He reached down with the hand that wasn't buried in her long hair, and gripped her elbow, pulling her up and away from what she was doing.

'Hey.' She said in protest, but the next second, he was kissing her, tasting himself on her tongue and she groaned again. His fingers slid down her abdomen, and he vaguely noted that both of them were still wearing the white shirts. He pushed her panties down her legs and she stepped gracefully out of them, not breaking the contact between them. He slipped his hands under her ass, pulling her closer, and she jumped, wrapping her legs around his waist, feeling the entirety of him pressed against her. She pulled her arms from the shirt, leaving it behind her on the floor as they moved backwards towards the bed, him also shedding his shirt as they went. As Cas' thighs hit the edge, they fell together onto the battered old mattress. The bed creaked, and Alex giggled as she sat up, looking down as she straddled him.

He pulled her down, her hair falling in a curtain over them as they kissed once more. She moved, shifting her hips slightly and he was there, buried deep, filling her completely, and she sat up straight, as his hands came to settle on her hips. A beat passed, and she smiled at him, moving against him, and a primal noise erupted from his chest as she did so. She picked up the pace, indulging in the beautiful ecstasy written across his face, his unwillingness to stop looking at her, but the need to close his eyes in bliss warring against each other.

When he moved suddenly, rolling over, not breaking the connection between them, she shrieked, then moaned as he found a deeper angle, brushing against the sweet spot with every stroke. Cas looped his hand around the back of her neck, pushing against her fitfully, feeling the heat between them increase as she clung to his shoulder, her breathing matching his pants. The familiar warmth began to unfurl in her stomach, and she wanted him closer, wanted more contact, even though every part of them was already touching. He captured her mouth again in a passionate kiss, stopping her little cries as his movements became more frenzied.

Alex closed her eyes, feeling every nerve ending in her skin short circuit as she reached her peak, feeling the grace inside him touching her, like it always did when they were like this. Although unaware of how, it always seemed to intensify what happened between them, and she knew that Cas felt it too. He was moving with urgency now, sweat dripping from his brow as he pulled out of the kiss as she cried out, loudly, and he followed her over the brink, his own cry echoing hers.

It seemed like hours before he pulled away, moving her onto the bed properly, her head on the pillows. She curled into his side as he smoothed the hair from her face. Her breathing was still evening out, and she was hot and sticky, in the best way. He wrapped an arm around her, and she raised her leg, laying it over both of his. She shivered a little, and the next thing she knew the sheets were over them.

'That was...' She stopped, unsure of how to describe it. Cas smiled softly, kissing the top of her head.

'I know.'

* * *

A thud sounded from next door, and Dean looked up and over to Sam, who shrugged. 'You think she's okay in there?'

'She'd yell if anything came at her right?' The eldest Winchester mused out loud. They went back to their beers and research, silence between them. A few moments passed, and Dean got up to get another beer, opening it deftly. 'She's taking a long time to change her damn pants.'

Twin cries echoed through the walls and Dean froze. Sam chuckled in amusement at the look of horror on his brother's face.

'I don't think she's coming back.'

Dean looked away and returned to his seat. 'That is so wrong.'

* * *

**There's about 1,500 words of smut right there for you. Blimey, think _I_ need a fag after that. These guys just wanna jump each other's bones all the time. Poor Dean. He's gonna be like, scarred or something. Oh well. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up tomorrow night. Things are just gonna get hotter from here on out...until I throw some more angst in, cos I'm nice like that. Lemme know what y'all thought.**

**By the way, to the person who sent me a message correcting my grammar. I'm British, luv, so yeah, there's gonna be a few extra "u's" than you're used to. I know I've got some typos and shit in there, but that's cos I don't friggin' sleep, I work a full time job and I have a toddler at home, AND I write a lot of this on my smartphone. I try to comb through it, but ya know, I'm pretty damn tired. And yes, I do speak like Crowley. A lot. Cause I'm British. Like it says on my damn profile. Ya idjit.**

**I'm kidding. I love you all. Have some tea. Especially those who have reviewed. You may have a Dean or Cas shaped cookie. Choose wisely.**


	27. Chapter 27

There was a persistent thudding against the motel door that wouldn't go away, and she could have sworn someone was calling her name but it seemed like it was so far away, she ignored it. The sheets were tangled around their legs as they moved together slowly, little gasps and pants giving away the intense passion building between them. They'd been like this for hours now, just indulging in each other, exploring and memorising every inch of the other.  
Cas had briefly said at one point that he needed to leave, but she didn't let him and they'd come together again, not willing to go back out into the real world; the only world that mattered now was the one inside the hideously decorated motel room, on the ancient bed and neither of them cared. Before the sun had even risen she was bringing him to wakefulness, words spilling from her lips almost nonsensically as he took her, possessed her and she was fairly convinced he'd left a brand on her soul that forever marked her as his.

The banging continued and Cas briefly stopped, glancing up at the door. Alex whined low in her throat and pulled his attention back to her, desperate kisses claiming his mouth as he completely forgot anyone was at the door, his focus fully on the writhing beauty underneath him.

'Cas.' She begged and he quickened the pace, one hand slipping between their joined bodies to caress her intimately, making her cry out as she dug her nails into his back. He groaned, his eyes connecting with hers, their movements slowing again.

'You are so beautiful.' He whispered reverently. She smiled shyly; which was kind of adorable considering the position they were in. He kissed her again, tasting the sweat on her skin as he moved down her throat and she cried out again as he angled his hips forward, hitting new depths inside her. She was repeating his name like a prayer, the tug on his grace making everything seem so much more heightened as she fell over the edge with a frightening intensity, a confession on her lips that brought him crashing down with her.

'What..' He panted, moving so he didn't crush her. 'What did you say?'

'I love you.' She said quietly, as if admitting it was a sin; but oh, those three words ignited him again and he covered her mouth with his own, kissing her hard as he entwined his fingers with hers. Alex responded in kind, protesting when he stopped and leant his forehead against hers.

'I love you aswell, Alex.' The reply brought her closer to him again, and she wondered briefly exactly how long they'd been at this. Her body was clamouring for more and it felt kinda like all reason had left the building.

Then the motel door burst open, letting in the morning light, the shadow of her two brothers dropping over them like a bucket of cold water.

Luckily, Cas was more or less covering her from view but the sheet had somehow slipped, providing both Winchester brothers with an eyeful of angel ass as they bust in a very private moment.

Alex grabbed the sheet, glaring at her brothers as she covered them both. Cas, for the most part, seemed uncaring of his nudity in front of the boys. She, on the other hand, was super aware of it. 'What the hell?' Her words were yelled and both boys blinked at her in confusion, and some horror at finding their sister in such a position. 'Jeez, give a girl some friggin' privacy would ya?'

Dean raised his hands in defence. 'We've been trying to get a response out of you for forty five minutes. How were we supposed to know you weren't in trouble?'

'Because I'm not a child, Dean.' She spat, reaching over to the side of the bed for her phone. She opened it and swore. Sam raised an eyebrow.

'Yeah. We were supposed to be at the coroner's fifteen minutes ago.' Her younger brother turned a little, having seen enough. Alex blushed.

'I'll be out in two minutes.' Neither of her brothers moved and she scowled. 'Hello? Naked here.'

Their shadows disappeared quickly from the doorway, the half broken door closing behind them. Cas pulled her back towards him, running his hands over her bare shoulders. She pushed him away with an apologetic look, moving to get off the bed. 'Got a job to work, Cas.'

'Your brothers could go without you.' He said, sounding a little sulky as he watched her dress. He made no move himself, his blue eyes focused completely on her.

'No they can't.' She slipped on a new white shirt from her bag, looking over at the tattered remains of her fake FBI agent outfit from yesterday. 'You know, you really need to stop destroying my clothes.'

He grinned, leaning back on the bed. 'They get in my way.' Alex raised an eyebrow at him and then motioned to his pile of clothes.

'I'm fairly sure your shirt is ripped.' She mentioned, turning around to pick up her boots. When she looked back, Cas was gone and her heart thumped into her stomach like a lead brick. The fluttering of wings sounded behind her and he was there again, fully dressed. If it wasn't for the bed hair he currently sported, no one could have guessed they spent the entire night screwing like bunnies. She chuckled and reached up as she walked towards him, smoothing his hair down. The close proximity between them sparked and she found herself kissing him again, his hands working open the shirt she'd only just done up.

Dean banged on the door again and yelled and Alex jumped away as if burnt. She frowned. 'I really should go.'

Cas nodded, looking like someone had just killed his puppy. 'I should...attend to some business.' She stepped around him, feeling like if she touched him again, it'd lead straight to another shirt being ruined. 'I will check in on James.' He mentioned casually and Alex froze. She hadn't thought about James. Not once.

God she was an awful mother.

A tight smile covered her face and she nodded again. 'I'll ring Bobby and let him know.' Picking up her gun, she headed for the door, looking back over at the angel. But he was gone.

She looked sadly at the empty unmade bed and then went to join her brothers.

* * *

Neither Dean nor Sam mentioned what they had walked in on earlier. She wasn't sure whether they were just ignoring it in the hopes it would disappear from their minds altogether or whether they weren't quite brave enough to broach the subject with her. She was trying not to giggle if she was honest, finding the whole thing a little amusing now they were away from the motel.

Upon returning to the coroner's office with the news that there had been another murder-suicide, she wasn't feeling entirely enthusiastic about looking at bodies again, especially not when the coroner mentioned they'd already been...organised. She'd pulled a face when Dean started grabbing containers from the fridge, and the boys went about their macabre work as she retreated to the safety of the paperwork side of things. When her eldest brother slid a box containing a heart over to Sam, grinning as he said "Be My Valentine", she rolled her eyes in perfect timing with the youngest Winchester. As Dean went to pull the box away, Sam grabbed it, frowning. 'Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. These hearts both had identical marks. Check this out. It looks like some kind of letter.' His expression dropped and Alex took a chance at coming closer to the organs. 'Oh no.' He groaned.

'What?' Dean asked, looking at the marks.

'It's Enochian.' Alex said, and Sam looked up at her.

'I thought it was. You sure?' She nodded.

'You mean like the angel scratches? Like the tagging on our ribs?' Dean clarified and both siblings nodded. 'How are you so sure?' He addressed Alex. She shrugged.

'Lot of free time, I learned. I don't know what it means though.'

'I'll call Cas.' Dean pulled his phone out and Alex frowned. He saw her look and wiggled the phone at her. 'Doesn't tell you everything then huh?'

She blinked at the accusation as her brother dialled. No, she hadn't known Cas even had a phone but then he'd always been able to find her and James. So she had no need for a contact number. Although...her thoughts flashed to her sick little boy and she wondered if Bobby had Cas' number. He'd not said anything earlier on the phone, aside from that he was sick of watching cartoons on the telly and that James had eaten his weight in chicken noodle soup.

'Cas, it's Dean. Yeah, room 31-c, basement level, St James medical...' He turned, finding himself face to face with the angel as his voice trailed off. 'Centre.'

'I'm there now.' Cas said, still holding the phone to his ear as Dean looked at him, unamused.

'Yeah I get that.'

'I'm going to hang up now.' Cas dropped the phone as Dean followed suit, both of them turning to the table. Alex looked up, her eyes meeting Cas' and she swallowed, feeling really, really damn hot all of a sudden. The corner of his mouth tugged upwards, even as Dean turned his attention to the organs on the table. Cas reached over her, his elbow brushing her shoulder and she gasped a little, feeling like she'd been shocked. Sam looked at her curiously but she just smiled.

Cas was holding one of the hearts, inspecting the mark. 'You are right. These are angelic marks. I imagine you'll find similar marks on the other couples' hearts as well.'

He dropped the heart back into the container, wiping his bloody hand off. Alex kept her eyes on him, and Dean scowled at the dreamy look on her face.

'So what are they? I mean, what do they mean?'

'It's a mark of union. This man and woman were intended to mate.' The way he said it made her mouth go dry, especially as his eyes locked back with hers the second his lips formed the word. She squirmed a little, not able to tear her eyes away, feeling like she was going to break out in a sweat, and she really, really wished her brothers weren't here.

Dean's voice snapped her back from the very, very bad place her mind was going. 'Okay, but who put them there?'

'Well, your people call them "Cupid".' Cas stated, his eyes still burning into Alex's.

'Huh?' Alex dropped her eyebrows in confusion and he smiled down at her, eliciting a further glare from Dean.

'What human myth has mistaken for "Cupid" is actually a lower order of angel. Technically it's a cherub, third class.'

'Cherub?' Dean echoed and Cas tore his gaze away from Alex.

'Yeah, they're all over the world. There are dozens of them.' He sounded so casual as he wandered closer to her, and she tensed, wanting him to just touch her, kiss her, god anything...

'You mean the little fat flying kid in diapers?'

Her brother's voice snapped the angel's attention away from her and she felt like stamping her foot. 'They're not incontinent.' Cas replied, confused and Alex tried not to giggle.

'So what you're saying?' Sam started and Cas interrupted, sounding a little stroppy as he did so.

'What I'm saying is a Cupid has gone rogue and we have to stop him -' Those blue eyes were on her again and her breath got stuck in her throat. 'Before he kills again.'

'Naturally.' Sam said, his eyes flickering between the angel and his sister, his thoughts running a mile a minute as he contemplated the strange tension between them. Dean was watching the same thing, but he wasn't just contemplating, he was getting pissed.

'Of course we do.' He said, his voice low, indicative of his turning mood. 'So where do we start?'

* * *

Dean had somehow manoeuvred himself in between his sister and Cas in the restaurant. They'd found a table, and ordered food, but Alex was just picking at her burger, not needed to satisfy that particular hunger at the moment. Dean nudged her with his elbow, nodding his head at her food. 'You not gonna eat? You haven't eaten anything today.'

'Not hungry.' She said simply, giving him a half smile whilst her eyes were drawn back to Castiel, who sat opposite, next to Sam. Dean shrugged, and she noticed briefly that he wasn't digging into his own food with the gusto he usually had.

'So, what, you just happen to know he likes the cosmos at this place?' The eldest Winchester directed his question at the angel, who looked up as if he hadn't quite heard him. He cleared his throat, shaking his head lightly. Dean didn't seem to notice his distraction.

'This place is a nexus of human reproduction. It's exactly the kind of garden the Cupid would come to - to pollinate.' His eyes had drifted away from Alex, and to the cheeseburger on Dean's plate, as the hunter squeezed a large amount of ketchup onto the meat patty and squished it down. He picked it up, considered it and then put it down. Sam frowned as he speared a fork full of salad.

'Wait a minute. Now _you're_ not hungry?' He asked, and Dean shrugged.

'No. What? I'm not hungry.' Sam's concerned expression only deepened. It was one thing for Alex not to eat - he'd seen his sister put away an entire bucket of fried chicken on her own one day and then not eat anything but dry toast for weeks. Her appetite changed with the friggin' seasons. But Dean not eating? After his refusal to go and seduce some lonely Valentines the night before, alarm bells were definitely ringing inside Sam's head.

Before he could open his mouth to express his concerns, Cas pointed at the burger and further baffled him. 'Then you're not gonna finish that?' He picked it up under the confused faces of the three Winchesters who knew full well that angels did not need to eat. But then, angels didn't ordinarily need to sleep, and Cas had been whilst they'd been at Bobby's. Castiel went to take a bite of the burger, then looked up, over at a couple seated a few tables away. 'He's here.' He said, somewhat ominously as the hunters all turned to look where his eyes were directed.

'Where?' Alex asked, as Sam chimed in, 'I don't see anything.'

'There.' Cas pointed, taking a bite of the burger.

Dean looked around. 'You mean the same-side-of-the-booth couple over there?' He queried, and Cas didn't even grace him with a nod.

'Meet me in the back.' He said, and when the three looked back to him, he was gone. Alex's mouth went dry, and she suddenly _missed_ him with an intensity that burned in the back of her throat. She stood, way ahead of her two brothers, and went for the back of the restaurant, nearly running in her urgency to find the angel again. When she burst in, Cas was stood, his arm outstretched and his palm emitting a strange blue glow.

'Where is he?' She asked, not actually caring about the answer as much as noticing that they were alone in the room and she took a step towards him. He twitched, hyper aware of her approach - and then the boys bundled into the room, breaking the spell. Dean and Sam looked around, searching for the Cupid and coming up empty.

'Cas, where is he?' Sam repeated Alex's question and the angel kept his eyes in front of him.

'I have him tethered. Zoda kama mahrana. Manifest yourself.' He dropped his hand, as the three humans behind him looked around in confusion.

'So, where is he?' Dean didn't see the huge naked man behind him, and he grunted as two large arms came up and enveloped him in a hug. Castiel turned, tilting his head to the side, looking at the expression of panic on Dean's face.

'Here I am!' The Cupid exclaimed, a big smile on his face and his voice full of excitement.

'Help!' The eldest Winchester was clearly freaking out about being hugged by a naked dude, and Alex stifled a giggle. The Cupid jiggled a couple of times, further increasing Dean's discomfort.

'Oh, help is on the way. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Hello, you!' Cupid dropped Dean and zipped over to Castiel, wrapping the angel in a full body hug, lifting him off the ground. Cas gritted his teeth, making a noise of displeasure as Cupid continued his over-enthused hugging.

'This is Cupid?' Dean asked, his voice holding a note of disbelief.

'Yes.' Cas' voice was tight and Alex giggled harder, until Cupid noticed her and she went still, suddenly realising that he was gonna go for her next.

'And look at you!' He dropped the angel he was currently squishing and Alex shrieked, running towards her little brother, who shook his head and tried to avoid the attack of the naked cupid.

'No!' Alex cried, using Sam as a shield as the tallest brother desperately tried to avoid being touched by Cupid. Cupid only grinned, disappearing and reappearing next to them, proclaiming "yes" happily and repeatedly as he caught both siblings in a bear hug, and Alex grimaced uncomfortably as she got far too close to another naked human being. Sam's face screwed up.

'Is this a fight?' Dean asked, his eyes wide, unsure of what to do. 'Are we in a fight?'

'This is...' Cas sighed. 'Their handshake.'

'I don't like it.' The way he sounded like a petulant child would have made Sam and Alex laugh if they weren't being crushed against Cupid's junk.

Castiel looked at Dean as if he were being slow. 'No one likes it.'

Cupid made a noise of satisfaction and dropped the youngest Winchesters, turning to Castiel and rubbing his hands. 'Mmmm. What can I do for you?'

'Why are you doing this?' Cas demanded immediately, and the Cupid's face dropped at the threat in his tone.

'Doing what?' He replied, confused by the question.

'Your targets, the ones you've marked - they're slaughtering each other.'

To his credit, either Cupid was a superb actor or he genuinely didn't know what was happening. The look of absolute devastation on his face at hearing the other angel's words was Oscar worthy if he was lying. 'What? They are?'

Dean decided to step in, bored with the slowness of the question, and quite frankly, he'd seen enough naked angel ass for the day. It had been bad enough walking in on his sister and Cas doing things that he definitely did _not_ approve of; being hugged by a naked dude was not improving his mood in the slightest. 'Listen, birthday suit, we know, okay? We know you been flittin' around, popping people with your poison arrow, making them murder each other!'

'What we don't know, is why.' Castiel added. Cupid's face crumbled, and Alex _knew_ he was going to cry. His entire wobbly naked frame began to shake and she took a step back, fearing another hug.

'You think that I...well, uh...I don't know what to say.' He turned, bursting into tears, moving over to lean against a table, covering his face with his chubby fingers and sobbing desperately. Dean grimaced at the sight and Sam's mouth turned down at one corner as they just watched the angel cry.

'Should...' Sam ran a hand through his hair, looking to Alex. 'Should somebody maybe...go talk to him?' Alex's eyes widened and Sam shrugged. 'You're a mom. You're good at this stuff right?' She scowled in response.

'I'm not...he might _hug_ me again.'

'I thought you liked naked angels.' Dean said, somewhat sarcastically and she turned her glare on him, green eyes clashing with green as he refused to back down.

'You got a problem, big brother?' Her voice had a dangerous edge to it, and Sam tensed, ready to separate them if they fought.

'Damn right I do.' He said. 'You and him - you've been all over each other. This isn't you, Alex! You're not like this!'

'Not like what?' She demanded. 'In love?'

Dean's eyes narrowed, and Sam ran a hand down his face. 'You're _what?_'

'I love him.' Alex shrugged. 'It that so hard to understand?'

'No, no, no, Alex, seriously?' Dean practically exploded, as he pointed a finger at Cas. 'He's an angel. You're human! You cannot be serious!' She tilted her head up, clenching her jaw as she looked him square in the eye and he didn't need her to speak to understand what she was saying. 'You are. You're serious about this? What the hell!'

'Dean...' Cas started but the hunter turned on him, fury in his eyes.

'No! I do _not_ need to hear from you right now. That's my sister! My _baby_ friggin' sister, Cas.' Sam stood straight as he noticed the Cupid had stopped crying and was turned around, looking at them with intrigue. Dean spotted him as well, and glared hard. 'You. You've put a mark on her right?' His arm came up to gesture at Alex. 'Damn well take it off.'

Cupid shook his head. 'No! No, I never marked Alex Winchester.' He smiled. 'There was no need. He'd already done it.'

Which was, apparently, completely the wrong thing to say.

Alex looked to Cas in confusion, and he looked as bewildered as her. The Cupid looked at them both dreamily. 'It's so rare when it happens. So very rare.' He clapped his hands together. 'Love is more than a word to me, you know.' He said, matter-of-factly. 'I love love. I love it! And it's that's wrong, I don't want to be right!' He sighed, holding his clasped hands against his cheek.

'I need an explanation, right now.' Dean's eyes were promising a miserable end for Cas, but the angel paid him no heed, and Cupid wrongly assumed the hunter was talking to him.

'I was just on my appointed rounds. Whatever my targets do after that, that's nothing to do with me. I was following my orders.' He grabbed Cas' shoulder, and the angel turned to face him. 'Please brother. Read my mind. Read my mind, you'll see.' Cas looked at him intently and the room fell into silence for a few moments.

'He's telling the truth.' He finally announced.

'Jiminy Christmas.' Cupid beamed. 'Thank you.'

Dean held up a hand. 'Wait, wait, you said - you said you were just following orders?' Cupid gave an affirmative hum, nodding. 'Whose orders?'

Cupid laughed. 'Heaven, silly. Heaven!'

'Why does Heaven care if Harry meets Sally?' Alex asked cautiously, and Cupid turned his chubby dimpled face on her, a smile splitting across it, his sparkling eyes looking at her in wonder. She shifted a little under his gaze.

'Oh, mostly they don't. You know, certain bloodlines. Certain destinies. Oh, like yours.'

'What?' Sam blurted out.

'Yeah, the union of John and Mary Winchester - very big deal upstairs. Top priority arrangement.' He started to move around, almost like he was dancing, and Alex suddenly thought that if he came near her, she might hit him.

'Are you saying you fixed up our parents?' Dean pressed the issue, his concern evident.

'Well, not me, but...yeah. Well, it wasn't easy, either. Ooh, they couldn't stand each other at first. But when we were done with them -' Cupid sighed dreamily. 'Perfect couple.' He continued to move around the room, and Dean scowled deeply at him.

'Perfect?'

'Yeah.' The word came out as a sigh, and Dean saw red.

'They're dead!'

Cupid stopped dancing, some sort of sorrow on his face but then he straightened. 'I'm sorry, but...the orders were very clear. You and Sam and Alex needed to be born. Your parents were just, uh - meant to be.' He started to sing then, moving around once more. Alex had the sudden thought that for a fat guy, he was pretty graceful. 'A match made in heaven - heaven!'

Dean dashed forward, aiming a punch to the Cupid's face. The second he landed the hit, his face scrunched up in pain and he pulled his hand back, cradled it. 'Son of a bitch!' Cupid disappeared, and Dean looked up from his damaged hand. 'Where is he? Where'd he go?!'

'I think you upset him.' Alex said slowly, suddenly noticing that in her urgency to move away from the dancing Cupid, she was stood _very _close to Cas. He reached out, his fingers brushing against hers and she felt that warmth spread through her again.

'Upset him?' Dean exclaimed as Sam dropped a large hand onto his brother's shoulder.

'Dean! Enough!'

'What?' His brother demanded and Sam shook his head.

'You just punched a Cupid!'

'I punched a dick!' Dean looked beyond pissed. His chest was heaving, his eyes were blazing with anger, and his jaw was tightly clenched. Standing straight, his shook his injured hand off and Sam let go of him, standing back.

'Are we gonna talk about what's been up with you lately or not?' Sam asked, and Dean almost growled.

'Me? What's going on with me? I'm not the one who's been tagged by an angel, Sam. What about them?' He turned, pointing towards Alex and Cas.

Alex and Cas were gone.

* * *

'Where the hell are they?' Dean stomped through the door of the motel room, Sam following behind.

'Maybe they'd had enough of you.' He replied, pulling at the tie around his neck.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Dean, you've been nothing but a dick to the both of them recently.'

'I've been fine.' Dean snapped back, reaching into the fridge for a beer, looking at the label and putting it back. 'There's absolutely nothing wrong. They're the ones acting like teenagers in heat.'

'Look, it's obvious there's something deeper going on there.' Sam sighed, taking a seat for a few moments.

Dean shook his head. 'You don't get it, Sam. When...when I went to 2014...Alex wasn't there. No _our_ Alex. She was...' He sighed, running a hand over her face. 'She was a demon. Black eyes, the whole enchilada. She wasn't Alex any more. And it was because of whatever he's done to her; the grace he left behind. _That_ is what's gonna kill her, what's gonna take her and James away.'

'That's it, isn't it?' Sam said, looking as though a light bulb had gone off in his head.

'That's what?'

'You don't want Cas to take them away. You're terrified that if she does love him, she won't want this life any more. She'll leave us.'

Dean's mouth set into a thin line. 'You don't know what you're talking about.'

Sam stared at him. 'Alex wouldn't leave us, Dean. You know she wouldn't.'

The eldest Winchester turned his back on his brother, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out, muttering to himself. 'Wouldn't be the first time she'd done it.' The coroner was on the phone, and he answered, his face falling as he listened to the call. When he'd hung up, he turned to Sam.

'We've got another vic.'

* * *

She didn't know where he'd taken them. She didn't really care. All she wanted was to be touching him, surrounded by him. If he ever left, she felt like she might stop breathing. Time had no meaning here, there was no need for anything but them.

'Cas...' Her voice was a tiny whisper in the darkness around them as he reached for her again. 'Don't ever leave.'

Alex passed out.

* * *

His mood had apparently only worsened whilst Sam had been to the coroners. Whatever was going on had extended beyond the couples and their twisted sense of love, as was obvious by the twinkie obsessed corpse, and the increased amounts of OD's and suicides in the area, that Dean had looked up after searching for Alex. Sam had encountered a demon on his way back to the motel, and retrieved a briefcase from him. He'd outlined what had happened to his brother - missing out the intense cravings he was having.

Dean did _not_ need to know that he was jonesing for demon blood.

'What the hell does a demon got to do with this, anyway?' Dean looked down at the suitcase, frowning deeply.

Sam ran a hand over the case, shrugged. 'I got no idea.' His elder brother looked at him with concern.

'You okay?'

A tight smile was aimed in his direction. 'Yeah, yeah. I'll be all right.' Dean paused, finding it fairly obvious his brother was lying. Sam was shaken up about something. He couldn't wait to get out of this town - the weirdness was too much, especially since they couldn't find Alex. He'd rung her phone and Cas' constantly, and despite Sam's assurances that Cas wouldn't let anything happen to her, he wasn't incredibly comforted.

'Let's crack her open.' He said, leaning down. 'What's the worst that could happen, right?'

They worked together, getting the case open in a few moments, letting the lid flip open. A bright light rose up from the interior, blinding them both slightly as it floated upwards and disappeared.

'Whoa!' Sam yelled, and Dean took a step back.

'What the hell was that?'

'It's a human soul.' Cas' voice made them jump and they turned, finding him looking more than a little dishevelled. Dean's face immediately darkened as he stepped forward. 'It's starting to make sense.' He winced a little, as if he were in discomfort.

'Where the hell have you been?' Dean demanded as Sam pondered what he had said. 'Where's Alex?'

'What's making sense?' The youngest Winchester asked, raising a hand as Castiel stumbled a little. 'Are you okay?' The angel braced himself against the wall, shaking his head.

'I had to come. I knew this was dangerous. But I had to. Only it is...very painful.' His face was screwed up now. Sam and Dean closed in on him, torn between concern for their friend and concern for their sister.

'Cas...where is Alex?'

'She is safe.' Cas grumbled. 'This town is not suffering from some love-gone-wrong effect. It's suffering from hunger. Starvation, to be exact - specifically -' He grimaced again. 'Famine.' Sam looked to Dean, but his brother's eyes were focused on the pained angel.

'Famine? As - as in the horseman?' Sam remembered back to when they'd faced War, who'd turned an entire town against each other. Cas nodded, and Dean turned away from them, running a hand through his short hair. 'I thought famine meant starvation, like as in, you know, food.'

'Yes. Absolutely. But not just food. Everyone is starving for something...attention, drugs, love...'

'Sex with my little sister?' Dean snapped, and Cas looked down at the floor. Sam frowned at Dean. 'That's what this is, right? That's what's making you two all nutso over each other all of a sudden.'

'I don't just crave sex with Alex.' The angel bit back. 'It's a deeper connection than that. Otherwise we would have ended up like the couple that the cherub marked. He made them crave love, and then Famine came, and made them rabid for it.' He looked away, clenching his fists. '_This_ is different.'

'But why is it hurting you?' Sam asked, his eyes widening a little. 'Is it hurting her?'

'She is...' Cas paused a moment, knowing it would not be something Dean would want to hear. 'She is unconscious.'

Dean immediately went on the offensive. 'What the hell? Why?'

'She is only human.' The angel explained. 'She is...exhausted. Whatever Famine is doing, it drives us to want to be together, to not separate. She is not hungry, not thirsty. I can go without the things she needs, but if we do not find Famine and soon, Alex _will_ die.' Dean's mood only seemed to worsen with this news, and Sam held his hands up.

'She's not gonna die.' He assured his brother.

'We don't know that. But at least you'll get a good time out of it, huh, Cas?' The angel glared at him.

'Do not presume that I will earn any enjoyment from being the reason Alex dies.' He ground out. 'You are mistaken in my intentions, Dean. Very mistaken.' He turned, clutching his stomach in pain. 'I cannot stay.'

'No, no, wait, Cas, we need more information. Why was there a soul in that briefcase?'

Cas looked at him, a desperate gleam in his blue eyes and Sam knew this was hurting him badly. He suddenly wondered if the angel _would_ survive if Alex died, if Famine's effect would take him too. 'Famine is hungry. He must devour the souls of his victims.'

'So, that was twinkie dude's soul in there?' Dean asked, pointing towards the now empty case.

'Lucifer has sent his demons to care for Famine. To feed him, make certain he'll be ready.' Another grimace from the angel, this time followed by a groan as he held his arms around himself. He struggled to stay upright, leaning his full weight against the motel room wall.

'Ready for what?' Sam asked.

'To march across the land.' Cas' voice was riddled with agony. He rolled against the wall, and Dean looked over to Sam. Both of them were thinking it; if this was affecting an _angel_ so drastically - how badly was Alex faring?

'Go.' Dean said, and Cas didn't need to be told twice. He disappeared in a fluttering of wings, and the brothers looked at each other. Sam swallowed hard, knowing what he was going to say was going to piss Dean off even more.

'Dean...we need to talk.'


	28. Chapter 28

**This is your angst warning. Sorry.**

* * *

He was gone.

A sickness rolled through her, and she fought against it. She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep; her limbs felt heavy and if she was honest, the last time she'd felt like this was after a five day drinking binge that she and Dean had indulged in shortly after her twenty first birthday – and what a chewing out they'd gotten from Dad for that one. Worth it though. Was this worth it? It would be if he came back.

Why had he gone?

Was he coming back?

He'd promised her forever, right?

Alex brought a hand up to her head, trying to keep her eyes open and focus on her surroundings but all she could think about was Castiel. And it was numbing her to everything. _Focus, Alex, focus. You're on a bed. Naked – kind of expected that. Where am I? I've never seen this room before. Is it the motel? No, the motel was green. I think. Oh god, where is he? Why hasn't he come back?_

She tried to move, and groaned as doing so awakened her delicate nerve endings and she became aware of her own physical state. Everything hurt. Bruises littered her skin, there was a bite mark on her shoulder that throbbed and she had a fairly good idea that she wouldn't be sitting comfortably in the Impala for about a week. But the worst pain was inside. It was like someone had ripped a hook through her and was pulling – but she didn't know what direction to go in. What the hell was that?

The ruffling of feathers made her try to sit up, but she gasped in pain as she did so. Ignoring it, she reached for her returned angel, pulling him towards her. He let her, sighing as physical contact finally soothed the ache inside of both of them. 'Where did you go?' She whispered, pressing her lips to his. He ran a hand down her face, cupping her cheek as he returned her touch passionately.

'I had to warn your brothers. I'm not leaving again. I promise.' He ran his hands over her, concern on his face as she blindly grabbed at him. 'You're injured, Alex.'

'I don't care. Please, Cas, touch me. Please. I can't -' She broke off into a choked cry as he obeyed, forgetting her bruised body as he claimed her mouth with his. He could feel her pain, echoing his own, needing to be closer, the pull of her sliver of grace making his own curl towards her. He was aware on some level of the physical damage they were doing to one another, but neither seemed to care as they let the need, the desire take over.

Castiel's last coherent thought was that if she had to die because of him, then he would follow.

Without question.

* * *

Dean's only thoughts were that this was going from bad to worse. He stared at his brother, his jaw firmly shut, trying _not_ to be pissed at him; he knew logically that this wasn't Sam's fault. In the back of his mind, a tiny voice was asking him "why aren't you craving anything, Dean?" but he pushed it aside in favour of more important issues.

'You're gonna have to do this without me.' Sam was saying, and Dean levelled his eyes on his baby brother. The youngest Winchester sibling was practically trembling as he took a step towards his brother. 'Remember War? We took his ring. That should stop this.'

'We don't know if Famine _has_ a ring.' Dean pointed out.

'It's a chance. I know. But we need to stop this.' Sam wrung his hands, his gaze desperate. 'You need to lock me down. I can't...I can't go.'

Dean nodded reluctantly. 'I know. If Cas was here, I'd get him to zap you away.'

'If that worked, he would have taken Alex somewhere away from this to stop it hurting her.' Sam shook his head. 'I don't think I can get away. You need to lock me down, _properly,_ and go deal with Famine. He's gotta have a ring. We get that, everyone in town wakes up as if it was a dream and we can get gone.' His brother moved towards the bathroom, throwing Dean a pair of handcuffs and the keys to them. 'We need to move. Alex might not have long.'

'I can't believe this. Am I the only one not going nuts over something here?'

Sam raised an eyebrow at him. 'You make it sound like you're well adjusted.' His face said it all, that he didn't believe that statement either, but Dean just smiled, following him into the ensuite.

'Nah, dude, I'm just well fed.' He gently pressed down on Sam's shoulder so he was sat against the wall of the bathroom. The taller man slid down easily. 'You comfortable there?'

'No. But I don't think that's a factor here.' Sam replied, miserably, as his brother slipped the cuffs round his wrists and attached him to the sink. 'Just hurry, Dean. You can be pissed at us all you want later, but get it done yeah?'

'Geez, no pressure, huh?' He stood back as Sam yanked on the cuffs. 'You're good there.' His brother nodded in affirmation. 'Good. Okay. I'll just go...wait.' Dean paused. 'How the hell am I gonna find Famine? It's not like I can track his GPS.' His eyes lit up. 'I could track Alex's though.'

'You don't need to find Alex, you just need to save her.' Sam looked up from his awkward position. 'Go see if there's any fresh deaths. I saw that demon harvesting the soul from the morgue. Makes sense if you head there and find a demon to track. Follow him back to where Famine is hiding out.' Dean nodded.

'Good plan. Okay, sit tight, Sammy. I'll be right back.' He stepped from the bathroom, shutting and locking the door. A few seconds later, Sam heard the scraping of furniture as Dean pushed the wardrobe across the door, swearing at the heaviness of it.

Sam sighed, leaning his head back against the tiles, trying to ignore the rolling in his stomach.

* * *

Dean's eyes rested on the seemingly empty Biggerson's Diner opposite where he'd parked. He couldn't see any sign of life inside, or outside, but this was definitely where the demon had headed with the suitcase containing the coroner's soul. _That_ had sucked as well; Dr Corman had been one of the few people he'd come across that he genuinely liked, and the poor guy had turned his back on twenty years of sobriety and drunk himself to death in one morning, all because of this goddamned horseman.

He was gonna enjoying cutting this one's finger off. Pity he didn't know how to kill them full stop.

Slipping from the driver's seat of the Impala, he held the knife securely in his hand and approached the restaurant with a determined step. Walking in through the doors, he was presented with a diner full of corpses and no Famine, and he wondered if maybe the demon had gone elsewhere. He stood for a few moments, thinking about what to do next, when two demons came out of the darkness and grabbed him, holding him securely. Then from the other end of the diner, Famine emerged, a wizened old man in a wheelchair who looked like he was gonna drop dead at any second.

'The other mister Winchester.' The horseman wheezed as he spoke, and Dean found himself growing angrier. 'Alone?' The smile on the creep's face was freakishly disturbing.

'So this is your big trick? Making people cuckoo for cocoa puffs?'

'Doesn't take much. Hardly a push. Oh, American, all you can eat, all the time. Consumer, consumer. A swarm of locusts in stretch pants.' Another wheeze. 'And yet, you're all still starving because hunger doesn't just come from the body, it also comes from the soul. Something your sister is _very_ aware of.'

'It's funny. It doesn't seem to be coming from mine.' Dean growled, struggling against the demons holding him. He chose to ignore the jibe at his sister, chose to deny the fact that somewhere out there, she_ was_ dying, and he might not be able to stop it.

'Yes.' Famine coughed, a wet sucking sound that did not sound pleasant. 'I noticed that. Have you wondered why that is? How you could even walk in my prescence?'

Dean smirked. 'Well, I like to think it's because of my strength of character.'

The old horseman pressed the joystick on his wheelchair forward, coming closer as Dean renewed his struggles against his captors. 'I disagree.' He pulled up to a stop in front of the hunter, reaching one hand out to touch Dean on his abdomen. 'Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean.' The words hit home but Dean tried not to let it show. 'Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink, or sex. Not even with family.'

'Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your siblings, lie to yourself, but not to me!' Famine cackled. 'I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can't win. You can't save them, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just...keep going through the motions. You're not hungry, Dean, because inside...' He leaned close, as if sharing an important secret. 'You're already dead.' Dean was still now, his face impassive but his eyes focused on the demon. He wasn't sure what to say or do now.

Because Famine was right.

He could pretend all he wanted. He could ease the emptiness around his family...could put on that face and keep going...

But Famine was right.

'Let him go.' Sam's voice echoed from behind, and Famine turned around as Dean looked up. His younger brother stood in the doorway, chest heaving and, oh god, there was blood all over him, smeared around his mouth, down his shirt. Dean shook his head a little, shock hitting him. Sam had gotten out...Sam had...no, not again.

'Sam...' Famine said fondly.

'Sammy, no!' Dean shouted, as two of Famine's hench demons moved to attack his little brother. Famine held up a shrivelled hand.

'Stop!' The demons paused in their advance. 'No one lays a finger on this sweet little boy.' Famine smiled at the younger hunter. 'Sam, I see you got the snack I sent you.'

Sam's eyebrows pinned together in confusion. 'You sent?'

The old man nodded and wheezed again. 'Don't worry. You're not like everyone else. You'll never _die -' _He glanced to Dean, the wicked curve of his mouth mocking him for his inability to save his sister or anyone else. 'From drinking too much. You're the exception that proves the rule. Just the way...Satan wanted you to be. So...' He gestured to the demons around him. 'Cut their throats. Have at them!'

'Sammy!' Dean cried again. 'No!'

'Please...' Famine held out his hands. 'Be my guest.'

Dean watched in horror as Sam raised his hand, his eyes narrowing as he focused on the demons, channelling his powers and pulling all five demons from their hosts at once. The black smoke pooled on the floor around the dead bodies the demons had been infecting. He held his chin high, staring down the horseman, ignoring his brother's shocked expression. 'No.' He said, firmly, lowering his hand.

Famine shrugged a little. 'Well, fine. If you don't want them.' He grinned wickedly. 'Then I'll have them.' He opened his mouth, his breathing rasping as he gestured with his hand, devouring the black smoke as it writhed on the floor. Sam waited until he'd finished, then stepped forward, raising his hand again. Famine chuckled dryly. 'I'm a Horseman, Sam. Your power doesn't work on me.'

Sam tilted his head a little, looking terrifying triumphant in that second. 'You're right. But it will work on them.' He held his hand flat, then made a fist, watching with dark eyes as the smoke twisted and turned inside Famine, then tore out and burnt through the Horseman, rendering him a sagged old corpse in the chair. With one last screech, the Horseman died. Dean watched all of this happen, unable to move, not quite comprehending what had happened. His eyes went up to his baby brother, and saw the blood dripping steadily from his nose, down onto his shirt.

Then he wobbled, stumbled and finally fell forwards, passing out from the exertion. Dean snapped out of his stupor, sliding to the floor at his brothers side, running his hands over him. He seemed fine, aside from the nosebleed, and Dean assumed it was like an addict returning to substance abuse – too much too soon.

Slipping one arm underneath Sam, he hefted him up, grimacing at the weight. As he half dragged him out of the diner and towards the Impala, Dean's thoughts drifted towards their sister.

He just hoped she was okay.

* * *

It was the middle of the night when the knock came at the door. Bobby was dozing in his wheelchair in the study, one arm propping his head up on the desk. James was asleep in his bedroom, and had been for hours. So when the desperate banging started, Bobby jerked awake and wheeled to the door as quickly as he could, hoping the noise didn't awaken the boy. When he opened the door to Castiel, stood in dishevelled clothing, cradling Alex in his arms, his eyes widened. Alex looked like she'd been to hell and back, her eyes shut, lips swollen, bruising visible on her arms and collarbone. She wasn't wearing any shoes, dressed haphazardly in black slacks and a partially ripped camisole. Bobby reacted then, scratching away one of the sigils on the wall, allowing the angel entrance.

'What in the blue blazes happened?' The wheelchair bound hunter asked, moving out of the way as Cas rushed into the house, heading for the study. He gently laid Alex down on the sofa, cradling her head as it lolled to the side. She was in bad shape, and the concern on the angel's face was clear as day. 'Cas? You gonna tell me?'

'Famine happened.'

'Famine?' Bobby sounded confused, then his eyes widened. 'As in, the horseman?'

'Yes.' Came the simple reply.

'Where are the boys?'

'I would assume they are on their way here.' Cas didn't look at him, his eyes on the unconscious woman on the sofa, cursing his defection from Heaven and the resulting loss of certain abilities. 'I cannot heal her.'

Bobby stared, not sure of what to do. 'She's in a bad way, Cas. Is she gonna be okay?' His gaze moved to her shoulder, seeing the bite marks and extensive bruising. 'What happened?'

Cas shook his head. 'It is...difficult to explain.' He ghosted a hand over her face, willing her to wake up. She _was_ in a bad condition; Bobby was not wrong there. The bruising was only the tip of the iceburg, and Cas felt guilt pool in his stomach at his part in all this. He'd tried so hard to resist, but before he became aware of what was happening, it was all too easy to give in and it was too hard to not let it happen after. The separation he normally felt, because of the grace he shared with Alex, was magnified by a thousand, possibly more, and even now he could feel the residual effects of what had happened. But her body was only human, and her soul could have been damaged by what had occurred between them. He had no way of being sure until she awoke.

If she awoke.

Dean would not need more reason to keep them apart if she didn't.

* * *

The drive to Bobby's was rushed, and he'd barely stopped to grab their stuff from the motel before moving on. Sam was still out cold, and Dean was praying it would stay that way until they got back. He had no clue where Cas and Alex were, and he'd resorted to leaving voice mails on both their phones, telling them he was going back to Sioux Falls. Hopefully they would get the message.

When he arrived back, and found that the angel had already beat them there, he had no time to notice the still form on the couch as he dragged Sam through to the panic room. He had to get his brother locked away and cold turkey before things got out of hand. Sam was just stirring as he locked the door, and immediately started begging to be let out. He leant his head against the door for a moment, listening to his brother, then turned and went upstairs.

It was then he noticed his sister.

'Oh god.' His eyes went wide as he took in the injuries, and then he looked to Cas, loathing in his eyes as he regarded the angel. 'What the fuck did you do?'

Bobby looked perturbed at the statement. 'What did _he_ do to her?'

Dean was shaking with rage as he knelt next to his sister. 'Goddamit, Cas, you were supposed to keep her safe!' He ran his hands down her arm, wincing at the dark purple bruises on her skin. There were distinct finger marks on her skin, and he looked up at Cas, slowly getting to his feet. He stared at him, approaching with a threat in his eyes. 'You did this...'

'It was out of my control.' Cas argued, not moving from where he stood, even when Dean got in his face, even when he could _feel_ the anger coming off of the hunter. Dean's fingers twitched. He wanted to punch him, bruise him the way he'd bruised his sister, but he knew that the hit would hurt him more. Which made him angrier. Alex wouldn't have damaged him like this; she _couldn't_ hurt him like this. Regardless of intent, he'd _hurt_ his baby sister and Dean wanted to kill him.

Cas' eyes drifted beyond Dean to Alex, and Dean grabbed his face, holding his chin. 'You don't look at her. You don't _ever_ look at her.' He pushed the angel away, and as he expected, Cas barely moved, his blue eyes looking down at the floor. 'Get out.'

'Dean, I -'

'No. Get out.' Dean stood his ground and Cas nodded. As his shoulders slumped in defeat, Dean felt something inside soften, then snap and he ran a hand down his face. '_If_...and I mean, _if..._' He sighed. 'If she wants you back here, when she wakes up...' _Oh god, what if she doesn't wake up? What do I tell James?_ 'I'll let her make that decision.' He turned away, and Cas watched as he went back to his sister's side, kneeling at the couch. Bobby's eyes met his and he nodded, a silent communication that he would return, whether Dean wished it or not. Then he disappeared.

'Dean, what in the hell happened out there?'

'Cas lost control.'

'He said it was famine. Is that what got Sam?' Bobby wheeled closer.

Dean nodded. 'Famine made them crave what they wanted. Sam took demon blood again. And Alex...' He sighed, dropping his forehead into his hands desperately. 'Her and Cas were...they were...'

Bobby took a sharp breath. 'I think I got it.' He looked over at the unconscious Winchester sister. 'He really did this to her?'

Dean nodded, not moving from his position. Bobby sighed, hearing Sam starting to kick up a stink in the panic room. 'I'm gonna go get a brew. You want one.' The hunter shook his head, still not moving. The older man watched him for a second, before leaving the room.

Seconds passed, and Dean looked up, seeing the bruises on his sister's pale skin again, feeling the hopelessness well up in him. He didn't want to fight any more; he just wanted to save them. He clasped his hands together, pressing them against his forehead, closing his eyes. He felt the tears slipping down his cheeks, and he could feel his sisters slow, even breathing as she lay next to him. The prayer fell from his lips as Sam's shouts and cries reached his ears.

'Please...I can't.' A shuddering breath escaped him. 'I need some help...please?'

* * *

**Sioux Falls, Late February 2010**

Four days later, and he let Sam out of the panic room. His brother was quiet, a whispered apology escaping his lips as he retreated to his room. Dean didn't say anything to him, leaving the other man to return to his sister's side. He'd moved her upstairs, and reinstated the wardings on the house. Cas hadn't reappeared, but Dean wouldn't be surprised if he were lurking around somewhere, doing his invisible thing.

It had been hard to get James to understand. They'd told him that his mom had been attacked, and that she would wake up, but Dean wasn't so sure of that any more. Bobby had helped him set up an IV so she was getting what she needed, but she still hadn't moved. Her breathing remained the same, her heart was steady and strong, and the bruising was slowly fading. Dean watched her for hours, staring at the white pallor of her skin, the slowly yellowing bruises covering her, and wondering what he would tell James if she didn't wake; and it wasn't the first time he'd had to consider it.

James was surprisingly optimistic. Sometimes he sat at the end of his mom's bed, reading to her, or telling her about a particularly savage adventure he'd made up. Or how he was excited for when she could get better and they could go hunt again. That was what disturbed Dean the most. He'd never wanted this for James, and he'd certainly never wanted the boy to get so...involved. His nephew shouldn't be training to be a soldier in a war they'd most likely lose. He should be out climbing trees, playing soccer and learning useless things like algebra.

This life would destroy him.

Like it had destroyed them.

On the fifth night, Dean came up to check on Alex, two hours after James had gone to bed. He found the boy laying next to his mom, his head nestled in the crook of her shoulder, sound asleep. He smiled, pulling the blanket over the both of them, and pulled up the chair he'd spent the last few days sleeping in. After a few moments, a knock came at the door and Sam looked in on them.

'Hey.'

Dean looked up in surprise. Sam hadn't strung together more than a single sentence since he'd left the panic room, and now he was stood there like nothing had happened. Except for the dark circles under his eyes, Dean wouldn't have known what his little brother had been through.

'You okay?' He asked gruffly, motioning for Sam to come in. The taller man stepped into the room, coming to stand by the bed, his eyes going over his sister and nephew.

'I'm okay.' Sam replied, not looking at his brother. 'Is she...is she gonna wake up?'

Dean didn't know what to say, so he raised his shoulders gently. 'She's healing. I know that much.'

'Bobby said he couldn't find anything to help.' Sam turned, resting his six foot four frame on the bedside table. It creaked a little as he shifted, folding his arms over his chest. 'He's still looking, but...he thinks she might be better off in a hospital, Dean.'

'No.' His brother's voice came over firm, but Sam could see the shakiness in him. 'I thought about it, but it would upset James. She's alive, she's not getting worse. She'll wake up.' He tried to make himself believe but even he knew it was failing. 'She'll wake up.' He repeated. If he said it often enough, it might come true.

'I can't believe Cas did this. I can't believe he left.'

'I told him to.' Dean admitted, looking down at his hands as he leant forward to lean on his knees with his elbows. He rubbed the calloused pads of his fingers together, not wanting to look up at his brother. 'He can't do anything. I thought it was best.'

'What if it isn't?' The question made Dean glance up sharply and Sam shrugged. 'I dunno, Dean. I mean, the demon blood still had hold of me afterwards. Maybe she _needs_ him here to pull her out of it. What if we're doing more damage keeping them apart?'

'No.' Dean stood up then, angry again. Seemed he was always angry these days. 'No. He did this.' He lowered his voice as James made a noise, moving his head a little. 'He can't be here.' He went to leave the room, afraid of losing his temper and waking James. Sam followed him as he went down the stairs.

'I know what you said, a-about what you saw. But we can't take a chance on that just because you don't like him, Dean.' At the bottom of the stairs, Dean span on his heel, raising his hands into an open gesture.

'I never said I didn't _like_ Cas, Sammy. I just don't like whatever _this_ is between them. It's not good for her.' He ran a hand through his hair. 'It's not good for James.'

'It's not good to have parents together?' Sam's brow dipped in bewilderment. 'That's not what I've heard.'

'He is _not_ James' dad!' Dean barked, stomping to the kitchen. Bobby wheeled out of the study, wondering what the noise was about. Sam waved a hand to dismiss him, following Dean into the kitchen. 'He donated some grace, Sam. Grace that is slowly _killing_ Alex, making her a target for demons and angels.'

'Yeah, but without the grace, James wouldn't be here right?'

'And maybe that would be better.' He regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth, and he didn't turn around, not wanting to see the shocked expression on his brother's face. 'I-I didn't mean that. I didn't...' He sank down to the floor, leaning against the counter with his hands over his face. 'I don't...'

'I know.' Sam said, crouching next to him. 'But you've gotta face up to it. Maybe it's not the traditional fatherhood, but he _is_ James' dad, and James knows it.'

'It's not fair, Sammy.' Dean groaned, not looking up. 'Why does he have to be chosen like this? Why can't he have that normal life? Why'd we drag her back?'

Sam sighed, sitting next to his brother in a similar position, his back against the cupboard doors. 'I guess...I guess you never really get out, huh?'

Neither of them had an answer for that.


	29. Chapter 29

The struggle to open her eyes was immense and she took a deep breath as she pushed forward. Pain was the first thing she registered as she twitched her fingers, cracking open one hazel eye as she tried to remember what had happened. Immediately, someone took her hand, calling her name, coaxing her on.

'Alex?' Warm fingers entwined with her own and squeezed gently. She put some pressure down, but it was hard, and she gave up fairly easily. 'Alex?'

She couldn't figure out who it was. Taking a guess, she opened cracked and dry lips, and tried to speak but her throat was so worn. 'C-' A cough made it feel like she'd swallowed razor blades and the hand moved from hers. Seconds later, a cold object pressed against her bottom lip, feeding moisture into her mouth. Water. Thank god.

After a few small sips, she pushed her energy again and opened her eyes, seeing Dean sat at her bedside, his face etched with worry and it didn't look like he'd slept either. He smiled as she looked over at him, returning his hand to hers. 'Hey, little sister.' His voice was choked as he spoke, and he tightened his hand around hers. She smiled thinly, moving her head around, which was apparently a really stupid idea, as someone had set up a brass band in the back of her head which was now breaking her brain.

'Ow.'

'Do you want some painkillers?' Dean asked, but she held his hand fast, gaining a little strength back.

'No. No. I'm good.' Alex smiled again, shutting her eyes briefly. 'We're at Bobby's?' He nodded at her and she nodded gently back. 'James?'

'He's fine. Over the flu. Been worried about you though.' Her brother looked over at the door. 'He's out in town with Sam. Poor kid needed to get out. He's been stuck in here for days.'

'How long was I out?' She questioned, frowning a little. Dean didn't reply immediately. 'How long, Dean?' Her voice was firmer.

'Seven days.' He admitted, looking down at their joined hands. 'We were worried, Alex. Really worried.'

She blinked, not quite able to absorb it. How had she been out for seven days? All she remembered was meeting the Cupid, Cas taking her somewhere and then it was just...dark...intense...she shuddered a little at the memory, and it jostled some of her bruises. She grimaced, shifting in the bed. 'Ouch.' Dean's expression darkened, but she didn't catch it. 'Where's Cas?' Her eyes flickered up to Dean's face, and she saw the thunder rolling over him. _Oh_.

'I told him to leave. Until you woke up and said you wanted him here.'

Alex's gaze turned angry. 'You thought I wouldn't want him here?'

'He did this to you.' Dean pointed out.

'It wasn't like I didn't ask for it.' She smirked, and Dean dropped her hand.

'That's not the point. He should have had more control.'

'It was a bit of a difficult situation, don't you think?'

'He's a friggin' angel of the lord, Alex. He should have left and not come back.' Dean didn't add that it wouldn't have done any good. 'Instead, he stole you away and did...did _this_ to you.' He gestured with his hands to her battered body. Most of the bruises had faded to yellow, but she was aware of the dull throbbing pain that resonated through her. 'And he's _marked_ you somehow, according to that Cupid. What am I supposed to think? That's it all gonna be fine?' He stood up, turning away from her. 'Look, I know you're a grown woman, but you're always gonna be my baby sister and I can't...I can't just stand by and watch this happen to you, 'lex.'

She watched his tense back for a moment before pushing herself up onto her hands, into a sitting position, her face contorted with pain as she did so. 'Dean...' Her voice was low, and he turned slowly, looking back at her. She patted the bed, and he hesitated, before taking the spot next to her on the bed. She threaded her arms around his waist, clinging to him tightly. A few seconds later, he put his arms around her, careful not to hurt her, kissing the top of her head. 'When was the last time you showered?' She murmured and he couldn't help but smile.

'Been watching over you.' He said simply and she sighed.

'You've spent your whole life sacrificing yourself for me and Sammy, Dean.' A beat passed, and he waited. 'I don't even know why.'

He pulled back, looking down at her. 'Because we're family. Because I love you. I love Sam and I love James. There isn't anything I would put before you guys. You know that.'

'I do. But I don't understand why you don't realise that we'd do the same for you.' Her words were quiet and soft, but they had the impact of a freight train on the eldest Winchester. He stared at her for long seconds, not sure how to reply. Alex simply smiled and pulled him back in for another hug. 'Don't worry. Okay? I can handle this. It...it won't happen again.' She smiled into his t-shirt as he held her close, trying to ignore the gut feeling that nothing was going to be all right.

* * *

'Cas?'

It was chilly outside. Alex drew her coat around herself, stepping out further into the yard.

'Cas?'

She looked up at the stars, wondering where he was. Another shaky step forward made her wince. She'd been awake for two days, and the injuries were mostly healed, but she still felt achy and sore from what had happened. A lot of it had become faded and fuzzy, as it had for Sam. He'd apologised to her, even though she'd not seen him get hooked on demon blood again, but he'd felt like he had let her down. It had been two days of high emotions in the house, with Dean being angry one second and withdrawn the next. The only time he seemed even remotely normal was around James, and Alex wondered how much of that was façade to prevent the boy knowing what was going on. He didn't give his nephew enough credit though, seeing as last night, James had turned to her and shocked her with what he said.

'Uncle Dean doesn't want to fight any more, Mom.' She hadn't known what to say to him, but James hadn't finished. 'There's a black cloud on him. It scares me. He wants to go away.' She'd reassured him as best she could, but even she couldn't deny that there was something wrong with the other hunter. She hadn't said anything to Sam yet, but it wouldn't be long before something happened and Dean snapped.

'Cas?' She called again, feeling a little hopeless. 'Please, I need to see you. I-I don't blame you. Please?'

The wind whipped through the yard, and she let her shoulders drop. Her feet turned in the dirt, and she began to walk back to the house.

'I didn't think you'd want to see me.' His voice made her spin again, and she grimaced at the echo of pain that racked her body. In a second he was at her side, holding her steady. 'You have not healed.' Cas' voice was full of concern, but she didn't care. Just seeing his blue eyes made her feel even slightly better. 'Not fully.'

'No. It's taking a while.' She whispered, leaning into him. 'I missed you.'

'I was here. I couldn't come inside, but I stayed close. Dean...' He swallowed hard. 'Dean made it clear that I was not welcome until you woke up.' His eyes dropped to the floor. 'I was not sure if I would even be welcome then.'

'I'm not gonna lie; Dean is pretty pissed at you.' The admission flooded his face with guilt, but she reached up, putting a finger under his chin, bringing his eyes up to meet hers. 'I'm not. We were both at fault, both under Famine's power. It couldn't be helped.'

'I nearly killed you.' He said slowly. 'I forgot...I do forget that you are only human, Alex. I am a lot stronger than you.'

She shrugged. 'I wasn't complaining at the time.'

'You wouldn't have been able to. Famine's power would have rendered you unable to -' He stopped then, noticing the smile on her face. 'You were...you are teasing me.'

Alex giggled, pulling him closer. 'You catch on quick.' He wrapped his arms around her, embracing her as tightly as he dared. 'I'm not holding anything against you, Cas. Don't ever think that, okay?' She looked back towards the house. 'Are you coming in?'

'I do not think it wise.' His voice was hesitant, and it was clear he wanted nothing more than to follow her into the house. But with Dean and the mood he'd been in lately, he was probably right. 'I will not leave the area. I will stay close to you. But I think it best if you go inside alone.' He smiled, stroking her cheek with one finger. 'I do miss you.' Alex smiled bashfully, looking up at him through dark eyelashes.

'I miss you too.' She said, pushing up onto tip toes and kissing him firmly. 'I- I better go back in.' He brushed her hair out of her face, smiling softly. Alex pulled away, very reluctantly, and headed for the house, glancing back at him. He remained in the yard, watching her go inside. When she was out of sight, he willed himself to the roof by her bedroom, and settled in, where he could keep an eye without angering Dean.

* * *

It was hard to deny that things had changed. Dean's mood worsened and he was more protective than ever over them. When a case had come up three days later, one state over, he'd insisted that Alex go, and that James should stay behind. Alex had protested, saying that it wasn't fair to keep dumping him at Bobby's like Dad had done to them, and after a hour of shouting, Dean had given in – on the condition that all four of them stay in the same room.

And she knew exactly why that was.

The atmosphere was tense again, and Sam and James were the ones suffering. Alex took up the back seat with her son, and Sam sat in the front with an increasingly grumpy Dean, who put a cassette on and then promptly ignored them for the three hour drive. When they got to the motel, he barked orders, and Alex scowled at him, pointed out that he was behaving exactly like John Winchester had done.

Sam had, at that point, taken James out of the room and to the park across the street, knowing that the apocalypse was about to come a head in the motel room. In true form, when they'd returned a while later, Alex was watching TV and Dean was drinking a beer in the kitchenette, nursing a fairly impressive black eye. Obviously, Alex had won.

'Are we done with this family drama?' He asked, grabbing his own beer. 'Cause I'm not sure I wanna stick around if this is going to carry on.'

'We're done.' Dean mumbled into his beer bottle, watching James trundle across the room to his mom. He climbed on the bed beside her, inspecting what she was watching and pulling a face. Alex pulled him close, ruffling his hair as he giggled.

'Good.' Sam smiled, pulling out his laptop. 'Cos we've got a werewolf to hunt.'

'Can I come on this one?' James asked, bouncing up and down on the bed. Alex looked over at Dean with an expectantly raised eyebrow, and he sighed heavily, putting his bottle down.

'I guess we gotta get you used to it huh, kiddo?'

'Yes!' The boy launched himself off the bed, running to his Uncle Sam's side to help with the research.

Six hours later, night fell, and they headed out into the small town to find the werewolf. It was the last night they had to catch it and kill it, so they had to be quick. They found one vic two blocks over from where it had struck the previous night, and James had wrinkled his nose at the dead body. 'You okay buddy?' Sam asked, reaching out to clasp James' shoulder.

'I'm good, Uncle Sammy.' He smiled. 'Just don't like the smell of the blood.' Dean rolled his eyes at his nephew. 'This is warm.' James reached out one tiny booted foot to prod the corpse. 'And there's no heart.' All three adults were staring at him now, each having thoughts of a similar nature. 'So, it can't be too far, right?'

Dean shook his head, moving off down the darkened alley. Being a small town, and being so late, the streets were mostly deserted, but there was still a chance of being caught. And even he wasn't sure how to explain a small child wandering around with a handgun loaded with silver rounds. Sam looked over at Alex, who shrugged, following their brother, making sure James was in front of them.

A growling sounded up ahead, and Dean paused, raising a hand to direct his siblings. Alex took up the side, whilst Sam kept the rear covered, with James in the middle, keeping close to his oldest uncle. Dean held two fingers up and flicked them forward quickly, indicating that James should go ahead. Alex frowned, but then relaxed as Dean practically became James' shadow, his gun aimed over the boy's head. As they rounded the corner, the werewolf barrelled into Sam, and they realised it had come up from behind them, employing misdirection with it's growling. Sam rolled with the attack, then used his feet to throw the wolf into a wall, where it regained it's footing quickly.

'Remember the heart, James!' Dean shouted, firing off a shot to keep the wolf in their range. James held his gun up, aiming for the werewolf, which bared it's fangs at him, snarling and snapping, drool flying everywhere. The boy hesitated and the wolf launched itself, just as he pulled the trigger. The bullet went stray, hitting the wolf in the shoulder. It yelped and hit the floor, rolling to Alex's feet. She pointed the barrel of her gun down, a grim look of determination on her face as she unloaded the pistol into the wolf's heart and it roared before dying. The wolf form melted away to leave the human behind, and she stood back, looking up at her brothers.

'I missed.' James said, dejectedly. Dean knelt down, turning his nephew to face him.

'Hey. Don't worry about it. You're still practising. You'll get better.' His voice was soft, but there was an underlying tension to it that made Alex's neck tingle. Dean had voiced his changed opinion about James' future, and they'd rowed about it several times – one of those times being the reason her big brother was sporting a shiner. He stood then, looking over at her.

'Job done. Let's get back to the motel.'

* * *

When they returned to the motel, Alex had put James to bed, reassuring him that he'd done okay, it was normal to be reluctant about shooting a gun at anything. He'd protested, saying he needed to learn to be not scared at which point Dean had interrupted, backing his sister up. James had pouted, looking up at his uncle with those big blue eyes of his, his bottom lip almost wobbling.

'But you're not scared of anything, Uncle Dean.'

Alex had looked at her brother then, seen the look in his eyes, and for some reason remembered the scene from The Lion King, where Mufasa tells Simba that he was scared of losing him, and she _knew _that there was one thing that terrified her brother beyond anything else. As if sensing her thoughts, Dean had sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out to take James' little hand in his own larger one. He'd smiled a little, and Alex had simply watched as he reaffirmed her thoughts.

'There's one thing that scares me, kiddo.'

'What's that? It's not monsters. You're too brave for that.'

Dean had smiled, a little ironically. 'I'm scared of losing you. Or your mom, or your Uncle Sammy.' Alex turned, her eyes meeting Sam's as he watched them. 'Which is why we have to be real careful yeah? Watch our backs, watch each other's backs. You're gonna be a good hunter, James, as long as you remember that. Being fearless isn't what matters.' James nodded, not sure what else to say. Dean leant over and kissed his forehead, whispering a goodnight. The boy turned, snuggling into the duvet, and his uncle watched him for a second, before raising his eyes to his sister's and then standing.

He went back to the table and Alex sighed, moving away from the bed, joining her brothers in the kitchenette.

'We might have another case.' Sam said, his eyes focused on the laptop in front of him. 'Lot of demon omens. Near Bobby's. Something big went down last night. Report of a murder, one witness. Vic was named Benny Sutton. Think we should call Bobby?'

Dean nodded, pulling out his phone. After a few rings, when Bobby didn't answer, he hung up. 'Maybe he's asleep.'

'He'd notice if something was going on right? It's practically his backyard.' Alex picked at her nails as she spoke, not looking at either of them.

'You gotta assume so right?' Sam shut the lid on the laptop.

'Well, we'll get some sleep and head back to Sioux Falls in the morning. Not a lot we can do now.' Dean leant back in the chair. 'So who's having the bed and who's having the floor?' Alex held her hands up.

'I'm sharing with James.' She smiled. 'You two can fight.'

Sam held his fist out and Dean rolled his eyes, complying.

Rock beats scissors.

Dean got the floor.

* * *

Returning to Sioux Falls, with no answer from Bobby, had turned into a fun game. They'd interrogated the witness, and been caught out by the Sheriff, who apparently _knew _Bobby, so didn't buy the fake FBI game. So they'd gone to see Bobby and he'd dismissed everything. After checking out the graveyard, which James had found _way_ too fun, the boys had left her to go and get the zombie who'd apparently returned from the dead, so she'd waited in the Impala with James, who was dozing after the late night with the werewolf. She wondered how they'd even gotten to adulthood with the little sleep they'd had growing up, and wondered if James would be the same. Every day he seemed to look older, and it broke her heart to watch him change before her. Eighteen months had passed since they'd been pulled back into the life, and it seemed like every day was harder.

She barely managed to keep up with the online work she did between hunts, which mean the income was dropping. Loathe as she was to rely on them, the boys' credit card scams had to be restarted; her savings weren't going to cover them forever and hunting wasn't exactly a professional gig. She'd hidden some of the money away, just in case anything happened to her, then James would have some for when he was older.

But that wasn't something she wanted to think about.

The front door of the "zombie"'s house opened then, and she sat up, frowning in concern when her brothers led the guy out. He didn't look like a typical zombie. They'd only gone in twenty minutes ago, and she watched as Dean pulled his gun and Sam grabbed his arm, arguing with him. She glanced over at James, who was still asleep, his forehead against the window, and his mouth hanging open. She couldn't really go and help at this point.

When the two police cars zoomed around the corner and the Sheriff climbed out, a gun trained on the boys, Alex's mouth went dry. This wasn't going very well. She ducked down a little, hoping they wouldn't see her, but it looked like all of their attention was on Dean and Sam. When they got cuffed, Alex hesitated, watching the "zombie" go back inside his house, yelling something at her brothers.

Dean looked over at the car, catching her eye, and she sat up straight, wondering what to do. He mouthed something at her and she nodded, climbing over into the front of the Impala, starting the engine. It was a damn good thing Dean had left the keys for her, otherwise she'd have had to hot-wire it, and there was a high chance her brother would have murdered her for doing that.

She drove past as the boys were being pushed into the squad car, heading out of town and straight for Bobby's. He hadn't answered the phone to them since they left for the werewolf hunt, but hopefully he was home and could help.

James woke up as they slowly pulled into Bobby's yard, and smiled when he realised where they were. 'We're home!' He yelled, out of the car before she'd even turned the engine off, running up to the front door. It made her smile really, that he considered this place home now, seeing as he'd been so miserable earlier on in the day when they'd not stopped long. It was good to have something at least slightly stable in his life. He didn't even knock before entering the house, yelling for his grandpa, regardless of the late hour. Alex followed quickly, knowing they had to go and retrieve the boys from lock up.

What she wasn't expecting was the woman cleaning the floors and James stopped in the hallway, staring at her. Bobby wheeled out from the study, looking a bit more clean shaven than usual, and the expression on his face similar to the one James had when he'd been caught stealing Dean's pie.

'Alex...James...I wasn't expecting you back so soon.'

'This is James?' The woman exclaimed with a bright smile. Alex eyed her carefully, noting that she didn't look so hot - her skin was kinda pale. 'Oh, Bobby has told me so much about you!' She moved closer and James took a step back towards his mom.

'Hey, honey, it's okay.' Alex smiled warily. 'Sorry, he's kinda shy.' The woman nodded, the smile sticking to her face.

'Oh, that's okay. Most kids are around new people.'

'I'm sorry, Bobby, I don't-' Alex wasn't sure what to do or say, faced with this new person. Bobby wheeled forward, touching the woman's arm gently.

'Mind grabbing us some lunch, Karen?'

Karen smiled and nodded, putting the mop she'd been using back in the bucket and toddling off to the kitchen. Bobby watched her leave, then waved Alex and James through into the study. As soon as they were out of earshot, Alex raised an eyebrow in questioning, as James launched himself onto the couch.

'So...who's Karen?' She asked, and Bobby sighed heavily.

'She's my...my wife.'

'Your huh?' Alex's eyes bugged and her jaw dropped. 'Bobby, we were only gone two days. And you went and got married in that time?' Her gaze went to the closed kitchen door. 'Don't get me wrong, she seems real nice, but seriously?'

'She's my dead wife.'

Alex blinked. 'Your...dead...' She shook her head. 'So there is a case here.'

'No! No, goddamit, this is not a case.' Bobby's hand clenched around the wheels of his chair.

'Is she a zombie?' James asked curiously.

'No. She's not a zombie.' His grandpa said slowly. 'She...a whole bunch of 'em, came back from the grave. This isn't a case, Alex.'

She fixed him with a glare. 'Because this -' Her hand gestured to the kitchen. 'Is perfectly normal.'

'Where are your idjit brothers anyway?' He asked, sounding exasperated, and then the phone rang. Alex opened her mouth to respond, but he held a finger up, grabbing the phone. He answered, his face still for a moment, then he rolled his eyes and looked back to the Winchester sister. 'Gotcha. I'll be there soon.' He hung up, glaring. 'They got arrested huh?'

James stood up. 'Is that why we came here without them?' He asked, and his mom nodded, running a hand through her long brown locks. 'Are they in trouble?'

'Nothing I can't fix.' Bobby sighed, turning his chair round. 'You two stay here. Talk to Karen - she knows what is going on. You'll see, this isn't a bad thing.'

Alex watched him leave, her expression dubious as James ran over and tugged on her shirt. Karen chose that moment to open the kitchen door, a giant smile on her too-pale face.

'You want some lunch, hon?'

* * *

After finding out about the other risings in town, and Bobby's reluctance to accept it as a bad occurrence, the Winchester siblings had agreed it was a good idea to keep an eye on the Singer Salvage Yard. Alex had point blank refused to leave James there, her worry about what exactly Karen was overriding her faith in the boy's abilities. Karen had been sweet, caring even, and she _was_ clearly devoted to Bobby as she had been when she was alive.

But she had still come back from the dead.

Bobby was pissed with Dean, that much was certain. He'd not so much as said it, but he knew what the younger hunter was thinking, and it upset him. Alex couldn't blame him for that. If someone she loved that much came back from the dead, she wouldn't want to let them go either.

Hell, if Cas came back from his Dean-imposed banishment, she wouldn't let him go. She hadn't seen him in nearly seven days and it was beginning to play on her mind. She'd not tried to call him, mainly because her brothers were like shadows, so she didn't have much of a chance. But now, being back at Bobby's, and with Dean sulking outside by the Impala, she might have a chance.

Crawling out onto the roof, the place she'd adopted as her own, she paused, hearing voices. Karen was outside, talking to Dean by the sounds of it. She turned, ready to call the angel down, but he was already there, in front of her and she jumped a little. He smiled, one eyebrow raising slightly in amusement.

'I'm glad you find it funny.' She said, no malice in her tone as she looked him up and down. 'Where have you been?'

'Searching the world for God.' Castiel replied, reaching out to caress her face. 'I did try to come back, but it appears your brother is overly eager to keep us separated.'

'He'll get over it.' She shrugged. 'I hope. Anyway, you know anything about what's going on here?'

Cas shook his head. 'It appears to be a sign of the apocalypse. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the work of a horseman. But you already knew that.' He surmised and Alex nodded, stepping closer to him. 'How is James?'

She smiled. 'He's really good.'

'He is learning.'

Another smile, but more reluctant this time. 'He is. He's good, Cas. But this...'

'...Is not what you wanted for him.' His gruff voice finished her thought, his arm coming up to pull her into an embrace. 'It would not be what I wished either.' She brought her hands up behind his back, holding him tightly, her chin resting on his shoulder. She frowned as she felt the material of the trench coat underneath her hands.

'Cas?' She asked, and he "hmmed" in response as her hand ran up and down his back. 'I used...I used to be able to feel your...you know.' She blushed a little, even though he couldn't see her face. 'I can't any more.' She wasn't sure why she felt that loss so much; maybe because being able to sort of _feel_ the presence of what made him an angel made her feel special.

'Being cut off from Heaven has...limited a lot.' He pulled away, smiling as he cupped her cheek. 'They are still there.'

She nodded, her eyes gazing up into his bright blue orbs. 'I miss you.' The words came as a broken whisper, and he leant in, kissing her gently. 'You can't stay, can you?'

'No.' He said, slowly, not wanting to say it. 'I want to. But...'

'I thought I wasn't gonna notice you gone.' Her voice was so tiny in that moment, and Cas was fairly certain what he was feeling was guilt. 'But you're...you're never here. I _miss_ you.' She sounded desperate now.

'I'm looking for a way to save you.' He insisted, leaning his forehead against hers. 'You and James. I will not allow you to become what Dean saw. I won't allow harm to come to either of you. Even by my own hand.'

She pulled back, scowling at him. 'You're still on that?'

'I _hurt_ you, Alex.'

'Yeah, and I'd have damn well done the same if you weren't an angel.' She spat, pulling herself out of his grip. 'Don't let Dean make you feel this way, Cas! Don't let him tell you that you did wrong. We were both there, we're both consenting adults. I wouldn't let you stop, and you know it.'

His jaw was clenched in frustration now. 'I should have had more control.' Alex pushed his shoulder with one hand.

'So should I.' She turned away. 'Look, I can't keep doing this yo-yo thing, Cas.' Her face was downcast, and she couldn't look at him. He came closer behind her, and she had to hold back everything in her not to turn back and take comfort in him. 'Sometimes...' A heavy sigh escaped her. 'Sometimes I wish you'd never shown yourself to me.' He didn't reply, and she didn't know where to go from there. 'I know you've got...stuff you need to do. I know that. But it's not just me waiting around here.' She did turn then, squinting a little against the daylight and gesturing to the window. 'I'm going back inside, Cas. When you wanna follow...just let me know yeah?'


	30. Chapter 30

The whole thing had been orchestrated by Lucifer. Bobby was an anchor to stop Sam saying yes.

So what did that mean for the rest of them? They were all anchors for Sam, what kept him from saying the dreaded word, although Alex liked to think that the very fact that it was goddamned _Satan_ wanting his meat suit that prevented him saying it first and foremost.

Bobby was suffering the most. After so long without his wife, the woman he'd had to kill, a paltry five days seemed like it was not enough. He'd hidden himself in a bottle since, despite their encouragement against it. Even James had tried to cheer up the old man, but two weeks later, and it didn't seem like anyone could pull Bobby out of it, except for Bobby.

Dean had lightened up a bit. He was still grumpy whenever Cas was mentioned, but he told her one night that the time he'd been told she was taken had come and gone, and maybe he could relax a little, seeing the future didn't seem so certain. Sam on the other, was well aware that his time given by the devil was not up. He was as determined as ever not to agree to it, but there was still that shaky tension whenever it was brought up.

When it became clear that Bobby needed some time alone, the siblings decided to head out. Things had been quiet - too quiet really, but they couldn't camp out at Bobby's forever and babysit him. He was a grown man and he needed to work through things on his own. After a slightly tearful goodbye on James' side, because he truly _hated_ leaving the house he'd come to think of as home, they'd set out on the road.

Alex was quiet. It was early morning, and they were heading up to Kansas, some rumours of a ghost they were going to investigate. Sam had opted to sit in the back with his nephew and they were playing travel Connect Four, and to his shame, the five year old was beating him. With ease. Dean smiled in the rear view mirror as James scored another point and Sam sulked. His gaze shifted to his sister, who sat, staring dead ahead.

'You okay?' She blinked, as if just realising where she was, and shrugged. Dean frowned. 'You know you can talk to me, right? About anything?'

'It's okay, Dean.'

'Is this about...' He swallowed. 'Cas?' She nodded and he sighed, pulling one hand off the steering wheel to run it over his face, not sure what to say from there. He didn't approve, although he _did_ like the angel, despite what everyone else thought. He just didn't want to see his sister get hurt, which was happening more often than not lately. Either he was doing physical damage (and the slight thought of that made his hands clench, because he wouldn't forgive her for that), or he was disappearing for weeks on end and causing her to mope. 'He's not come around at all?'

'You told him to stay away.' She muttered and Dean glared.

'Because you two are so brilliant at doing what you're told.'

She smirked then, and he felt a bit better. At least she still had a sense of humour. She looked up, fixing her hazel gaze on him as he waited for her to start talking. A brief glance over at James, and she lowered her voice. 'He came to see me two weeks ago. I said he needed to stop. Either we're...together or we're not.' She sighed. 'He never followed me inside. The sigils were broken. He could have followed me. And he didn't.' Her eyes slid past her brother to her son again. 'James has asked about him a couple of times.' The boy looked up then, hearing his name in the midst of his concentration on beating his uncle at the game they were playing.

'What, mom?' He asked, curious. His blue eyes went from her to Dean and back again, and he pouted. 'You're talking about Dad again, aren't you?' Alex didn't need to say anything, because she looked away guiltily. Dean's eyes reflected in the mirror back at him, and James fixed him with a quizzical look. 'Why don't you like Dad, Uncle Dean?'

Dean couldn't deny that it still set his teeth on edge to hear him call Cas that. He could halfway accept the angel's position in their lives, because of his part in James' conception, but it was hard to think of him as a father. It always would be, he supposed. Especially when the angel was absent more often than not. And there was the matter of the "mark" he'd left on Alex's soul; and the grace issue. There were a lot of issues, but it wasn't like he could say any of that to his nephew. 'I like him, James, I do.' He tried to be earnest. 'It's just grown up stuff.'

The look on the boy's face clearly indicated he wasn't buying that bullshit, but he let it go and turned back to the game. Sam scored a point and he sulked. 'You made me lose.'

'You're beating me ten to two, James.' Sam pointed out and James smiled.

'That's cos I'm awesome.'

Dean sniggered, and Alex couldn't help but join him.

* * *

When they stopped at a motel for the night, Dean surprised Alex but saying she and James would be getting their own room. Truth was, she was going to ask anyway, mainly because she wasn't sure how much more she could take of the close quarters with her brothers any more. She wanted her own space, and her own bed. James had a unique gift for taking up an entire queen size to himself at times. They retreated to bed quite early that night, which made for a change.

At 2am, a sound woke Alex, and she blinked, sitting up in her bed. James was awake, looking at her in panic. 'Mom...' He said quietly. 'I heard noises. In Uncle Dean's room.' He looked towards the door, and Alex frowned, grabbing her gun. Her son scrambled across his bed, picking up his little shotgun, loading it with regular rounds. Alex watched him for a moment, then stood, moving to the door. A shotgun blast sounded, followed by Dean's voice, and she panicked, running out the door and down towards her brothers' room. Another shotgun blast burst through her hearing, and she raised a foot, kicking the door in. James was following her, but she didn't have the chance to shout back at him as her eyes took in the two corpses on the beds.

Her brothers' corpses.

Her brothers were dead.

Two hunters stood, their shotguns aimed at her siblings, and she thought she recognised them. Without warning, the one furthest away turned, levelling his gun at her. She raised her own weapon, pulling the trigger at exactly the same time as her. The shotgun round hit her in the stomach, and she felt a burning pain spread through her. One hand grasped the wound, blood seeping through her fingers as she fell backwards, hitting the floor hard. Her vision blurred and she looked up to see a stricken James, stood with his own gun, his finger on the trigger.

'He's just a kid!' One of the hunters was arguing, but James scowled, pulling the trigger. A gunshot rang out, and a scream of pain, and then Alex's world went black.

* * *

James was screaming in rage. His little gun was trained on the remaining hunter, the other dead from the shot he'd gotten off. The one who'd shot his mom was dead, but now the shock was setting in and he didn't know what to do. He vaguely registered the bodies on the beds, but his ears were ringing and tears were streaming down his cheeks. He didn't even acknowledge the fluttering of wings indicating that Castiel had arrived; nor did he notice when the angel stepped forward and the remaining hunter dropped down dead.

Then James was alone in a room full of his dead family, and he collapsed to the floor, crawling over to his mom, his little hands getting coated in her blood as he shook her. 'Mommy. Mommy, please wake up.' He was crying hard, begging, pleading for her to wake. 'Mommy!' Strong hands gripped him and tried to pry him away but he wouldn't let go, couldn't leave her, but the hands insisted and he found himself wrapped up in his father's arms, the angel holding him closely as he sobbed, gut wrenching cries. Castiel's eyes roamed over the cooling body of Alex Winchester and he became angry. The hunters that had done this were dead – had made his son a killer at five years old, and that made him angrier.

James continued to cry for his mom as Cas closed his eyes, searching, trying to find some connection heaven within himself. His only hope now was to find the Winchesters and guide them. They would not stay dead – he knew that. They were too important to what was going on; but this could be troublesome if the angels got hold of them. He needed them to find the garden first, to seek out information and then they could return – hopefully with the knowledge they needed to fight the devil.

'She'll come back, James.' He whispered, finding that connection he needed. It was weak, but it would do. 'She'll come back.' He soothed.

Not that it would help.

James had taken a life.

Castiel didn't know what that meant.

* * *

Dean opened his eyes, his head jolting up as he awoke in the Impala. It was night out, and he was parked on a deserted road, the asphalt stretching out beyond him. He blinked, wiping at his eyes as he looked around, then opened the door. As he turned from the car, Sam and Alex were stood there, smiling brightly at him. They were younger, teenagers. Alex had the lip piercing she'd sported for a few months to irritate their dad. She was maybe sixteen when she'd had that done. Her hair was slightly lighter as well.

'Sammy? 'Lex?' He asked, and then his eyes went to the box of fireworks his little brother was holding.

'Come on, let's go.' His younger siblings walked past him and into the field behind, and Dean paused a moment before following.

'Weird dream.' He muttered as Sam dropped the box. Alex was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet, flashing her brother a big genuine smile. He smiled back as Sam pulled out some of the fireworks.

'Got your lighter?' Alex asked, and Dean checked his pockets, locating a very old zippo lighter that he'd lost years ago. He grinned as he pulled it out and held it up.

'Whoa.' He turned the metal over in his hands, staring at it with a smile. 'I haven't seen this in years.'

Sam smiled, holding out a firework to his brother. Alex stood on the other side of him, looking way too giddy. 'Fire 'em up.' The smallest Winchester said, and Dean obliged, lighting Sam's first, then Alex's and finally his own. A second later, the fireworks exploded upwards, shooting red sparks high into the sky. All three of them looked up in wonder and the memory clicked.

'I remember this! It's Fourth of July, 1996.' The fireworks died down. Alex dropped hers and threw her arms around Dean, hugging him tightly. He returned the embrace as Sam beamed at him.

'Dad would never let us do anything like this. Thanks, Dean. This is great.' He joined his sister in hugging their big brother, then pulled away. Running to the box, he lit the fuses on all the fireworks and ran back to his siblings. 'Fire in the hole!' Sam yelled, and the box began to explode. Dean backed up, Alex still at his side, one arm around him. He looked down at her as she stared at the fireworks, the lights reflecting in her big eyes. She smiled widely, and laughed. Dean laughed too, loosening his grip as she pulled away, joining Sam in dancing under the sparks. The eldest Winchester just watched, feeling emotion stick in his throat as his little brother looked to him with a small nod.

A large firework exploded, and Dean flinched, something flashing through his mind. The barrel of a gun was on him. Softness underneath. Pain. Blackness. Bang.

He opened his eyes, and the fireworks were gone, along with his brother and sister.

'Sam?' His eyes searched the darkness, revealing nothing. He went back to the Impala and leant on the roof, wondering when he was going to wake up. The dream was nice, but kinda boring now without his siblings.

The radio crackled to life and made him jump a little. Static filled the silence around him, and a voice called his name 'Dean!' Dean ducked his head, manoeuvring into the driver's side window, his eyes on the radio.

'Cas?' The static burst through again, and then the angel's voice came through clearer.

'Yeah, it's me.'

He opened the door, getting back into the drivers seat and glaring at the radio. 'You gotta stop poking around in my dreams. I need some me time.'

'Listen to me very closely. This isn't a dream.' Cas' voice was breaking up a little, and Dean leant forward to hear him better. He looked around, confused by the angel's words.

'Then what is it?'

More static, then Castiel's voice, deep and slightly foreboding. 'Deep down, you already know.' Another flash of the barrel of the shotgun, images of Walt, a hunter from way back when, shooting his baby brother, then himself. He opens his eyes, realising the truth. He'd died in that motel room. Sammy had died next to him. Panic seized him.

_'We ain't the only hunters after you and your sister, Winchester.'_

'I'm dead.' Dean's voice is quiet.

Castiel seemed genuinely upset. 'Condolences.'

'Where am I?' The hunter asks, gripping the steering wheel in a familiar and comforting movement. This felt right, having his car underneath him, his baby. Cas' voice fights through the static again.

'Heaven.'

'Heaven? How did I get to heaven?' He wasn't faking shock - he'd been to hell, and he wasn't exactly a saint. So how had he ended up here?

'Please, listen. This spell, this connection, it's difficult to maintain.' The static was getting louder.

'Wait. If I'm in heaven, then where's Sam?' He didn't want to ask about his sister and nephew. Somehow he knew, knew that the noise would have attracted them and something bad had happened. When Cas went silent for a second, he thought the worse, hearing the uneven balance of the angel's voice through the radio.

'What do you see?'

'What do you mean "what do I see"?'

'Some people see a tunnel or a river. What do you see?'

Dean shrugged; a pointless action as Cas couldn't see him, but he did it anyway. 'Nothing. My dash. I'm in my car. I'm on a road.'

'Alright. A road. For you it's a road. Follow it, Dean. You'll find Sam and Alex.' The radio flashed, static louder every second. Cas' voice was becoming difficult to hear. 'Follow the road.' The radio died, and Dean sat there for a moment, trying to figure out what to do. His heart thumped in his chest; Cas had said Sam _and_ Alex, which meant she was dead too. But he hadn't said anything about James. And it was gonna haunt him not knowing if his nephew was alright.

He started the car and headed down the road, picking up speed. Looking out through the windscreen, he saw the moon in the sky, way bigger than it should have been, and the sky itself was a swirling mass of stars and colours. It reminded him of a hippy video or something like it. _Definitely not in Kansas any more._

* * *

He'd found Sam pretty quickly, sitting in a large house having Thanksgiving with a normal looking family. Dean had pulled him away and explained what was going on, and they'd quickly ascertained that they were going through memories. After that, a bright light had flooded the house, and they'd hidden. Unsure of how to proceed, Dean suddenly wished he had some way to speak to Castiel again, and upon spotting the radio, he'd turned it on, hoping it would work.

'Cas!' He punched the piece of technology, frustrated.

'What are you doing?' Sam's voice was exasperated, and Dean shot him a glare.

'What's it look like?'

'Like you've lost your mind.' The glare increased and Dean sighed.

'Cas talked to me before using this phone-home radio thing, so I— Cas!'

Both the brothers turned as the TV flickered as Cas' face appeared, the black and white picture rolling and dropping focus every now and then. 'I can hear you.' Cas replied. Dean and Sam moved to the TV, and Dean tried to ignore the irritating squealing of the static.

'Cas. Hey! So I, uh, I found Sam but, but something just happened. There was this weird beam of light.'

'Don't go into the light.' Cas ordered, and Dean made a face.

'Okay. Thanks, Carol Ann. What was it?'

'Not what, whom. Zachariah. He's searching for you.' Sam looked at Dean, concern in his eyes, before looking back to the TV. Cas' face continued to flicker in and out, and the static lines were beginning to hurt his eyes.

'And if he finds us?'

'You can't say yes to Michael and Lucifer if you're dead, so Zachariah needs to return you to your bodies.'

'Great! Problem solved.' Sam scoffed.

'No. You don't understand. You, hm. You're behind the Wall. This is a rare opportunity.' Dean frowned.

'For what?'

Cas' voice distorted further. 'You need to find an angel. His name is Joshua.'

'Hey, man, no offence but we are kind of ass full of angels, okay. You find him. We need to find Alex.'

'I can't. I can't return to heaven. I...James is still here, Dean. I cannot leave him alone.' Dean's face fell, half of him relieved that James hadn't been shot, and the other half terrified because his nephew was now alone with a low-powered angel and three corpses.

'Is he okay?' He asked, a note of urgency in his voice.

'He is fine, physically.' Sam touched Dean's arm, reminding him that he had other things he needed to worry about right now, before turning back to Cas.

'So what's so important about Joshua?'

'The rumour is, he talks to God.'

Dean shrugged. 'And, so?'

Cas seemed pissed now. 'You think maybe - just maybe - we should find out what the _hell_ God has been saying?'

'Jeez. Touchy.' Dean shouldered away a little, looking uncomfortable that he'd just gotten chewed out by a television.

'Please. I just need you to follow the road. You will find Alex on the way.' Sam's mouth set into a thin line. He wasn't sure why he felt discomfort at the thought of Alex being up here, but something was crawling up his spine, like the feeling you get when you walk through a spider web. A sixth sense that _something_ was wrong.

'What road?'

'It's called the Axis Mundi. It's a path that runs through heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you, it's two-lane asphalt. The road will lead you to the Garden. You'll find Joshua there. And Joshua… can take us to God.' The TV picture was seriously deteriorating now, and Cas' voice became more urgent. 'The Garden. Quick. Hurry.'

'Cas! Make sure -' Dean's voice halted as the TV turned off and he slumped.

'He'll take care of him, Dean.' Sam took a deep breath. 'So, what do you think?'

'I think we hit the yellow bricks, find our sister and find this Joshua cat.' The surprise on Sam's face was something Dean was not expecting to see.

'Really?'

'What? You don't?'

Sam shook his head. 'No, uh. I'm just surprised you do. Last time I checked you wanted to break God's nose, now you think he can help?'

Dean chewed the inside of his mouth in thought, knowing that Cas was right. As much as Dean hated to be dicked around, hated to see his family dicked around, God might be their only hope. 'He's the only one who can. I mean, come on, Sam. We are royally boned. So prayer? The last hope of a desperate man.'

* * *

Traversing through memories was getting old. Especially since it seemed all of Sam's good memories were without the rest of his family, bar one. The only memory he had with any of them, was with Alex. When they'd been kids, Sam had run away, and his sister had followed, trying to take care of him. They'd set up shop in a little cabin, with a dog and Dean remembered that time all too well. The hiding he'd caught off of John when their dad had returned from his trip to find two of his children missing, had left him bruised for weeks.

But that wasn't half as bad as the thought that his smaller siblings were dead because of him.

Zachariah had almost had them after they'd walked through another of Sam's pleasant memories; the one where he'd run off to college. That had put Dean in a foul mood, so when Ash had appeared from nowhere, dressed as a luchador, and gave them a short reprieve, Sam was kinda glad. And when Ash had led them through into Heaven's recreation of the Roadhouse, he was even happier. He'd never thought he'd see this place again.

'Good God, the Roadhouse. It even smells the same.' Dean inhaled deeply and Sam chuckled as he followed his brother through the bar. Ash picked up his cape and mask where he'd dropped them, grinning.

'Bud, blood and beer nuts. It's the best smell in the world.' He walked around the bar and snapped his fingers. 'How about a cold one? Up here?' He smiled. 'No hangover.' Dean and Sam sat down, and Sam was bursting to ask the question on his lips.

'So, er, no offence.'

'How did a dirt bag like me, end up in a place like this? I've been saved, man. I was my congregation's number one snake handler.'

Both the Winchester boys smiled at that, and gratefully accepted the beers Ash handed to them. 'And you said this was your heaven.'

'Yup! My own...personal...' Ash picked up his beer, snapping into the side of it and shotgunning it quickly. He burped loudly and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

'And when the angels jumped us? We were…'

'In your heaven.'

Sam nodded. 'So there're two heavens?'

Ash chuckled. 'No. More like a hundred billion. So, no worries, it'll take those angels boys a minute to catch up.' He looked around.

Dean supped his beer. 'What?'

Ash held out his hands in an open gesture. 'See, you gotta stop thinking of heaven as one place. It's more like a butt-load of places all crammed together. Like Disneyland except without all the anti-Semitism.' He looked over at the boys, who still looked highly confused. 'See, you got Winchesterland.' He held up one hand, indicating the bar. 'Ashland.' He waved his hands towards the outside of the bar. 'A whole mess of everybody else lands.' He smooshed his hands together. 'Put them all together; heaven. Right? At the centre of it all? Is the Magic Kingdom. The Garden.'

Dean nodded. 'So everybody gets a little slice of paradise.'

'Pretty much. A few people share - special cases. What not.'

'What do you mean "special"?' The eldest brother narrowed his eyes, well aware that his and Sam's heaven had been the same place.

'Aw, you know. Like, uh, soul-mates.' Both the brothers refused to look at each; both contemplating that they would end up stuck together if they were dead. It was the way it was. Dean's thoughts drifted away, wondering why they hadn't found Alex in their heaven. Did she have her own somewhere and that was they couldn't find her? 'Anyway. Most people can't leave their own private Idaho's.' Dean looked up at that, a small smile in the corner of his mouth.

'But you ain't most people.'

'Nope. They ain't got my skills. Hell, I've been all over. Johnny Cash. André the Giant.' He looked at Sam. 'Einstein. Sam, that man can mix a White Russian. Hell, the other day? I found Mallanāga Vātsyāyana.'

'Who?' Sam asked, confused and not recognising the name.

'He wrote the Kama Sutra. Huh, that boy's heaven? Ah, sweaty. Confusing.' Ash chuckled. Dean shook his head in disbelief.

'All this from a guy who used to sleep on a pool table.'

'Yeah. Now that I'm dead, I'm living, man, a whole lot more.'

'So how'd you find us?' Sam asked, looking over at Dean. 'And can we find Alex?'

Ash reached under the bar. 'I rigged up my very own...' He pulled a laptop out and opened it on the counter top. '...holy-rolling police scanner.' He hit the power button and the computer started up, displaying sound graphs, and emitting a piercing sound that made both boys wince. 'That's angels. Blabbing Enochian, okay? I'm fluent.' He turned the laptop off again and replaced it under the bar. 'I heard that you were up. Of course I had to come find you. Again.'

Dean and Sam both blinked. 'Again?'

'This ain't the first time here. I mean, you boys die more than anyone I've ever met. Your sister is picking up bad habits from you.'

'Really.' Dean's statement was full of disbelief.

'Ah, yeah… you don't remember. God! Angels. Must've Windexed your brain.'

Sam took a breath. 'So, you can find other people? Have you found Ellen and Jo?'

'Ellen and Jo are dead?' Ash seemed genuinely taken aback by the news and Dean sank into himself, unhappy to be reminded. Sam looked guilty at reminding his brother, and sad that he'd had to tell Ash about it.

'Uh, yeah. Yeah. A few months now. Sorry.' He looked down at the beer in his hands. Ash took a second, composing himself after the news.

'Uh, they went down fighting?'

'Yeah. 'Til the end.' Sam nodded.

Dean's voice was bitter as he interjected. 'Yeah, a lot of good it did. How 'bout our folks?'

'I've been looking all over for John Winchester, Mary too, but so far: nada. I'm sorry. And I have no clue where your sister is. But hey! There is somebody that wants to jaw with you. Hold up.' He left the bar, heading into the backroom that was his once up a time. There were symbols on it, scribbled all over the door, similar to the ones that he'd used to drag them from their heaven into his. Moments after disappeared, he returned, a dark haired woman behind him.

Pamela grinned at them, and both boys got to their feet.

'Pamela!' Sam exclaimed. The psychic smiled at them both, restored eyes sparkling. Dean smiled back, relieved that she'd made it here.

'Nice to see you boys again.'

* * *

What Pamela had said had shaken him, that he couldn't deny. Her words had hit their target, and he knew he was contemplating it, even if only slightly more than before. Saying yes to Michael...it would get people killed, that was a given. But if they ended up here, happy, content - was it such a bad thing? He couldn't shake it from his mind, even as Ash and Pamela had sent them packing; even when Pamela landed a smacker on him, it hadn't distracted that train of thought.

The other train was where in the hell - or heaven - Alex was. Ash hadn't found any sign of her, and he'd guessed that maybe she'd made it already. There was no reaching Cas either, and Dean hoped that was because he was busy taking care of James.

When him and his brother materialised back in their old house in Lawrence, Dean frowned and Sam had a similar expression on his face.

'What the… Why we back home?'

Sam shrugged, looking around. He didn't remember the old house; he was too young when the fire had happened. 'I don't know. So what are we going to do?'

'Keep looking for the road again, I guess.' He turned as he felt someone approaching her. His mom stood there, in the nightgown she'd been wearing the night she died. His heart skipped a beat and he felt his mouth go dry.

'Honey. Why are you up?' She asked sweetly, holding a hand out to him. He couldn't deal with it and stepped back.

'Look. I'm - I'm sorry. I love you but you're not real and we don't have time -' She interrupted him, as if she couldn't even hear what he was saying. The smile on her face was sweet and welcoming, but he couldn't let it get to him.

'Did you have another nightmare? Tell me.'

He made to bolt. 'I gotta go.'

Her voice grew colder, and she spoke again, causing both boys to freeze on the spot. 'Then how 'bout I tell you my nightmare, Dean? The night I burned.' Blood spread across her abdomen, seeping across the white material slowly. Dean reached out for Sam's arm, his entire being feel shaky.

'Sammy, let's get out of here.'

'Don't you walk away from me.' Her voice was sharp and unforgiving. Dean stopped but didn't look at her. 'I never loved you. You were my burden. I was shackled to you. Look what it got me.' He looked then, just as her eyes went yellow, like Azazel's. He felt coldness sweeping through him and he was caught, staring at her like he was in a trance. Sam's eyes were on her too, but he wasn't as disturbed by it as his brother. He'd been taunted with visions like this before.

'That's enough.' Sam barked, and a chuckling caught their attention. Two suited angels appeared behind them, and Zachariah walked out from the darkness of the house.

'I thought that might get to you.' The appearance of the bald angel seemed to snap Dean out of it and he scowled. Zachariah didn't pay any attention as he walked around the spectre of Mary Winchester, running a hand through her hair. 'She is such a lovely specimen...for a human.' Mary didn't move, her eyes on her sons, but no longer that horrible yellow colour.

'Where's Alex?' Dean asked, his voice low and threatening.

'She's not here, clearly.' The angel smiled, and god did Dean _hate_ that bastards face. 'She's happy. She's done.'

'We couldn't find her.' Sam muttered, unconsciously moving closer to his brother. Zachariah nodded.

'No. She'll never share paradise with you two. She belongs elsewhere. Away from you.' He waved a hand and Mary disappeared, as he had no further use for her.

'She belongs with us.' Dean spat, his hands fisting at his sides.

Zachariah laughed deeply. 'No. She doesn't.'


	31. Chapter 31

**I wasn't gonna post again today. It's 01:40 am and I'm hyper as hell, and I got this chapter done and I was just like...sod it. Have another. I'm not even gonna apologise for the angst cos I'm a complete bastard. And I'm going to bed now. G'night.**

* * *

'You see this?'

Zachariah gestured with his hand, and the house in Lawrence disappeared. In front of them was a park, with the sun shining, and Alex sat on a blanket. Her smile was wide, and she leant back against a tree, watching a small boy, no more than eighteen months old wobble towards her on shakey feet. She clapped and laughed, encouraging him forward until he fell into her arms with a gummy smile and a shriek of laughter. Sam's eyes watered as he realised what he was seeing. James' first steps. 'You could have run all over heaven and not found her. And you won't.' He smiled and Dean shuddered at the sight. 'Alex is staying here. She's done. And you two are going back.'

'We're not going anywhere without our sister.' Dean growled, Sam at his side nodding in agreement.

'You know what she's been seeing since she got here? Since she started walking through her memories?' Zachariah asked, and the scene changed again. This time they were standing in the back yard of Alex's house in Indiana. James was pushing his feet down on a bike with stabilisers, grinning widely as he cycled around the garden. Alex chased him, laughing and yelling at him in jest. 'She's been seeing the life she _had_. The life you crashed into and took away. None of her happy memories come from after that, or before she left you.' The scene changed again and Alex was in the lounge of her house, a bundle in her arms as she rocked back and forth, singing "Hey Jude" to the child she held. Dean's face fell as the scene changed again and James was playing a soccer match, his mom cheering him on from the sidelines. She looked so young, so happy – her skin was tanned, her figure fuller, and there was a sparkle in her eyes that he'd not seen in...ever. He'd never seen her so vibrant. 'She has done her job. The boy will be safe. She is done.'

'No...' Sam breathed. 'What about Cas? I thought she was...' Dean's eyes were focused on his sister, something in his throat stopping him from speaking. Zachariah sighed.

'Castiel is not a factor in this. He will remain to protect the boy.' He watched the brothers carefully, knowing they would be difficult to persuade, but he was prepared for that. It didn't stop him feeling a great deal of irritation with their reluctance to co-operate. There was nothing they could do here – Alex Winchester was dead and would stay dead. 'I know it is hard. But you two still have a job to do. And your sister...she doesn't need to be there.'

'The only reason you want to keep her here is because she can be used without permission.'

Zachariah tipped his head. 'And maybe that is a factor. But you are the true vessels.' Dean's eyes widened.

'You're gonna use her. As ransom. You're trying to bribe us.'

The angel smiled. 'That would work, wouldn't it? If I threaten your sister, you'll say yes. If I threatened the boy, most likely it would be the same.' He chuckled. 'An interesting proposition. But not the route we're going down. Threatening James Winchester would be useless – we wouldn't harm him. And Alex...Alex belongs here now.' He looked over at her, the memory playing out as James scored a goal and slid to the floor with the other children in celebration. Alex fist pumped the air and jumped in excitement, calling her son's name. The noise from the match seemed faded and out of focus. Dean suddenly wished he'd been there; wished he'd seen all of James' formative years. He looked back to Zachariah.

'We are not leaving without her.'

'I'm afraid you are.' Zachariah sucked air in through his teeth, and the scene changed back to the Winchester family home. He stretched his arms. 'Let's brass tack this, shall we?'

'You gonna ball gag us until we agree?' Dean remarked snidely, and suddenly the angel behind him grabbed his arms, pinning them to his sides. The one behind Sam restrained him, and Zachariah stepped forward, slamming a hard fist into Dean's stomach. Dean tried to double over, but his captor held him tight.

'I'm going to do a lot more than that. I've cleared my schedule.' Zachariah grinned, landing another punch, winding Dean and he gasped for air. 'Let me tell you something. I was on the fast track once. Employee of the month, every month, forever. I would walk these halls and people would _avert their eyes_! I had _respect_!' He paused, chuckling miserably. 'And then they assigned me you. Now look at me. I can't close the deal on a couple of flannel-wearing maggots? Everybody's laughing at me… and they're right to do it. So! Say yes, don't say yes; I'm still going to take it out of your asses. It's personal now, boys, and the last person in the history of creation you want as your enemy is me. And I'll tell you why. Lucifer may be strong, but I'm… ''petty''. I'm going to be the angel on your shoulder for the rest of eternity.'

The fluttering of wings distracted Zachariah from his rant, and he turned to see another angel had arrived. This one was dressed simply in a blue shirt and slacks, and he raised a pointed finger. 'Excuse me. Sir?' Zachariah narrowed his eyes at the newcomer.

'I'm in a meeting.'

'I'm sorry. I need to speak to those two.' The new angel motioned to the two Winchesters. Dean looked up, groaning at the pain in his belly.

Zachariah, for his part, looked shocked at the demand. 'Excuse me?'

'It's a bad time, I know, but I'm afraid I have to insist.'

'You don't get to insist jack-squat.' Zachariah stepped towards him, but the angel didn't back down, looking impassively at the other.

'No, you're right. But the boss does. His orders.' Dean and Sam looked at each other, wide eyed.

'You're lying.' But Zachariah's tone was nervous as he regarded the other angel.

'I wouldn't lie about this. Look, fire me if you want. Sooner or later, he's going to come back home and you know how he is with that whole wrath thing.' He waved a hand nonchalantly, as if it wasn't big deal, but the look on the bald angel's face said it was a _very_ big issue.

* * *

Zachariah had given up fairly easy, and the Winchester brothers found themselves in a open space, surrounded by plants and trees. The air smelt thick and heavy with plant life, but it also smelt healthy, and Sam inhaled deeply, enjoying the atmosphere. The angel walked a little way from them, then turned, linking his fingers together across his stomach.

'This is heaven's Garden?' Sam asked, and Dean looked around, poking his bottom lip out as he nodded.

'It's- it's nice… ish. I guess.'

Joshua smiled wryly. 'You see what you want to here. For some it's God's throne room; for others it's Eden. You two, I believe it's the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. You came here on a field trip.' Sam nodded, remembering the trip. He'd enjoyed it immensely; a welcome break from the constant grotty motel rooms and greasy diners.

'You're Joshua.' He said, voicing aloud what him and Dean had already guessed.

'I'm Joshua.' The angel nodded in confirmation.

'So, you talk to God.'

Joshua smiled again. 'Mostly, He talks to me.'

'Well, we need to speak to Him. It's important.' Sam was tense now, wondering if they were close to an answer.

Dean chimed in then, bored of waiting already. 'Where is he?'

'On Earth.' Came the simple reply, complete with a little rise and drop of the angel's shoulders. Dean's brow dipped at that.

'Doing what?'

'I don't know.'

Sam's mouth set into a thin frustrated line. 'Do you know where on Earth?'

Joshua shook his head. 'No, sorry. We don't exactly speak face-to-face.'

'I… I don't get it. God's not talking to nobody so…'

'Why's he talking to me?' The angel sighed. 'I sometimes think it's because I can sympathize—gardener to gardener—and, between us, I think he gets lonely.'

Dean's face screwed up in disgust. 'Well, my heart's breaking for him.'

Sam glanced at his eldest brother with something akin to aggravation. 'Well, can you at least get him a message for us?'

Joshua raised a hand. 'Actually, he has a message for you. Back off.' Both boys blinked at that.

'What?' Dean spat.

'He knows already. Everything you want to tell him.'

'But…' The elder hunter started but Joshua carried on.

'He knows what the angels are doing. He knows that the Apocalypse has begun. He just doesn't think it's his problem.'

This stunned Dean to no end. 'Not his problem?'

'God saved you already. He put you on that plane. He brought back Castiel and Alex. He granted you salvation in heaven,' Joshua's gaze moved to Sam. 'And after everything you and your sister have done too. It's more than he's intervened in a long time. He's finished. Magic amulet or not, you won't be able to find him.'

'But he can stop it. He can stop all of it.' Dean was downright furious now, ready to argue.

Joshua shrugged. 'I suppose he could, but he won't.'

'Why not?' The demand was expected.

'Why does he allow evil in the first place? You could drive yourself nuts asking questions like that.'

'So he's just going to sit back and watch the world burn?'

'I know how important this was to you, Dean. I'm sorry.'

'Forget it. Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right. I'm used to that. I'll muddle through.'

'Except… you don't know if you can, this time. You can't kill the Devil, and you're losing faith, in yourself, your brother, your sister and now this?' Sam looked to Dean, his eyebrows raised, realising just how low Dean was getting. His brother didn't say or do anything; he just...stood there. 'God was your last hope. I just...I wish I could tell you something different.'

'How do we know you're telling the truth?' Sam queried, his eyes still on his brother.

'You think that I would lie?'

Sam gave a small smile, but it wasn't a happy one. 'It's just that… you're not exactly the first angel we've met.'

Joshua held up his hands. 'I'm rooting for you! I wish I could do more to help you, I do! But... I just trim the hedges.'

Dean sighed. 'What do we do now? Can we got and get Alex?' Joshua fixed him with a sad look.

'You go home again. I'm afraid it is up to your sister whether she returns or not.' He lifted a hand. 'And this time will not be like the last. This time, God wants you, to remember.' The boys disappeared from in front of him and he sighed heavily, before turning to the trees behind him. 'You can come out now.'

Alex stepped from in between the foliage, her eyes on the space her brothers had just been occupying. She looked over to Joshua, sadly. 'They're gonna hate me.'

'They won't when it comes to the end.' Joshua replies. 'They will cherish your memory, Alex Winchester. You know that.' She smiled tightly. 'You knew this day was coming.' He looked at her, straight through her. She had known. It was why every week she re-wrote letters to them all, leaving them with her last thoughts, making sure they knew just how much she loved them. It was why when Zachariah had found her in Heaven, sitting through her memories, trying to find her brothers, she'd let him convince her to make a deal.

'I thought I'd be around to see James grow up at least.' She hugged her arms to herself, appearing cold in spite of the warmth in the air. 'I never...he's going to hate.'

'You set your son on the right path. Castiel will be there to guide him.'

'I'm doing this for Dean and Sam.' She whispered, as if trying to convince herself and trying desperately not to think of Cas. 'If I can destroy Lucifer before he gets to Sam, none of them have to suffer. And he won't...he won't get James.'

'More importantly, Lucifer will not get _you_.' Joshua reminded her and she shuddered. She'd seen what Dean had seen; Zachariah had shown her it all. She'd seen the black eyes and the twisted soul; she'd seen what would become of her son if Lucifer took him. And she couldn't allow it. This...this was easier. It wasn't like she _had_ to agree; after all, the grace inside her, what it had done to her, allowed her to be possessed by an angel without permission. But this...made sense. She wasn't sure her brothers would see it this way. 'Dean would have given in. He is ready to. You are saving him.'

'He's the preferred vessel.'

'That's what Zachariah likes to think. He's just being misogynistic.' Joshua smiled, and opened his hand to her. 'But we have to send you back.'

'I don't want to say goodbye...it'll be too hard for them.'

'We can't locate you on Earth. Those carvings that Castiel put on your ribs shield you from us. But Michael can follow your soul. You will not be aware of the change.' The elderly angel smiled, and she took his hand, her hazel eyes flashing with tears. 'You are doing the right thing.' He whispered, and raised two fingers to her forehead.

Her last thought before she was returned to the ground below was simple.

_I hope so._

* * *

Sam woke seconds before Dean, sitting up from the blood covered bed and looking over at his brother, who came awake in much the same fashion. They both looked around, seeing the bloodstains on the carpet in three separate places, and got to their feet. A few moments later, Castiel appeared in the doorway, concern on his face.

'You are okay.' He stated, looking back where he had come from.

'We're fine.' Dean groused, running a hand down his front and the ruined shirt he was wearing. 'Where's James, and Alex?'

'They are next door. You found Alex? Did you find Joshua?' Cas rushed his words, impatient to hear what they knew.

'We didn't find Alex. Zach was all intent on keeping her there.' The angel's face drained of colour. Dean raised a hand. 'Joshua said it was her choice to come back or not. You really think she won't come home?' Cas relaxed a little, nodding.

'I suppose. What of Joshua? Did he know anything?'

Dean nodded, feeling frustrated. 'God doesn't give a shit, Cas. Never did. He's not helping out on this one.' Sam sat back down, dropping his forehead into his hands, feeling so very tired all of a sudden. 'We're alone.' Dean finished, pulling his shirt off. He moved to the sink, beginning to scrub some of the blood off of his front.

'Maybe...maybe Joshua was lying.' Cas looked lost, holding out his hand with the amulet in it, contemplating it. Was all hope really gone? Was there no way to stop what was coming?

'I don't think he was, Cas. I'm sorry.' Sam sighed, pulling his face out of his hands and looking up at the angel.

'You son of a bitch. I believed in you.' Cas muttered, turning away to the door. Both brothers watched him, aware he wasn't talking to them. 'I don't need this any more.' He tossed the amulet to Dean, who caught it and let it dangle from his hand. 'It's worthless.' Cas turned, ready to leave, and Sam sat up straight. 'Cas, you can't...' But the angel was gone.

Dean looked at the empty space the angel had been in, and then pulled a clean t-shirt over his head. Sam watched his brother for a moment, seeing the look in his eyes as Dean looked down at the necklace again.

'We can still find another way, Dean...'

A scream interrupted them, and both brothers looked up, bolting from the room and into the motel room their sister and nephew had been staying in. 'James!' Dean yelled, his previous hopelessness forgotten in the face of his nephew's terror. They saw him standing, in front of the empty, bloodstained bed, tears falling down his pale little cheeks. 'James...'

Sam stared at the bed. 'Dean...where's Alex?'

Dean looked up, paling as he saw that Alex was definitely not in the room. 'You think Cas took her?'

'Mom!' James cried out. 'Where's Mom?' He threw his arms around his uncle's neck, clinging to him tightly. 'I want Mom!'

'Hey, come on kiddo, calm down.' Dean looked up at Sam, pulling James flush against him as he stood with the crying boy. 'What the hell, Sam? Why would Cas take her?'

'I didn't.' Castiel reappeared behind them, his usually impassive face twisted with concern as he approached. 'She was...I left her right there...' He reached out a hand to James, who had his head buried in Dean's shoulder, his tiny frame racked with sobs. 'James...'

'A white light took her.' James sobbed, his words broken and muffled in his uncle's shirt. Dean jerked away from Cas' touch.

'Angels?' Sam asked, and Cas nodded.

'Most likely.'

'Why did they take her?' Dean asked, his hand stroking James' back as the child continued to sob. 'She was already up there.'

'I don't know.' Castiel admitted, his eyes still on James. 'You should return to Bobby's. James is...'

'Upset? Clearly.' The eldest brother snapped, but Cas shook his head. 'What?'

'James...killed one of the hunters.' Both brothers' faces' were cloaked in horror as the angel spoke and Cas turned away. 'I was too late. James pulled the trigger and killed one. He saw his mother get shot and I believed he reacted.' He paused. 'He needs help. I should stay.' Dean scowled then, shaking his head, but Cas glared at him. 'Alex wanted me to choose. I am choosing, Dean. I am staying with _my_ son.' The hunter continued to keep his distance, until Sam placed a hand on his shoulder._  
_

'We need as much help as we can get here, Dean.' His younger brother pointed out. 'Let's just...go with it for now, yeah?'

* * *

Sam couldn't help but notice that Dean hadn't put his necklace back on. And it hurt him more than he liked to admit. He wasn't even sure what his big brother had done with it. But they didn't have much time to squabble over it now. After Cas had gone to search for Alex, on Dean's insistence, and they'd left on the long drive back to Bobby's, they'd been attacked by demons, and then saved by a bunch of guys in a fire engine. The civilians had taken them back to their town, Blue Earth, and what they'd found there had shocked them.

The townsfolk were fighting demons at the bequest of a girl who was apparently a prophet. Since they hadn't heard from Chuck in a long time, the boys had accepted it at face value and booked into their motel. Dean was quiet, spending most of his time with James, who'd retreated into himself. It was the quiet that disturbed Sam the most, seeing two characters who were normally so full of life, just...sitting. James cried a lot. And Sam couldn't really blame him.

He knew what it was like to lose your mom and not understand _why._

Sam had called and left a message on both Cas' voice mail and Bobby's. Bobby hadn't answered the phone in days, didn't even know what had happened and Sam wish he would. He could use some advice on this one. It was hard not knowing which was affecting them more; the loss of Alex, or the fact that James had killed a man, albeit in defence, and pretty much destroyed the innocence he'd had. It was different killing monsters; taking a human life...

...Sam knew how much that could burn your soul.

They'd been sat in the local bar, trying to get James to eat something when the latest call came through. The people of the town flocked like sheep to the church, and the Winchesters had no choice but to follow. Sam had picked James up, propping him on his hip and supporting his slight weight with his arm as they followed the rest of the town. James hadn't protested, hadn't done anything. He was almost catatonic.

So when they sat in the church, and he'd looked up, seeing Leah Gideon stood at the front, and he'd let rip with the most ear piercing scream of terror possible, Sam had jumped about six feet out of his skin. The pastor had come down, worried, but James had just screamed and screamed, tears pouring down his cheeks until he finally just dropped. He passed out on the pew and slumped to the floor as Dean leapt for him, just stopping him from banging his head on the concrete flooring.

'James!' He cried out, pulling the boy up into his arms. 'James? Come on, buddy.'

'Why don't you bring him through to the back?' The pastor said, and Sam nodded, pushing gently on Dean's shoulder to make him move. Dean did so without argument, ignoring the stares of the locals as they carried the small boy through. Leah carried on with her sermon, and Sam was barely listening. As they shut the doors to the back room, the pastor and one of the locals following them in, he pointed Dean to a couch, where the elder Winchester laid the boy down. He checked James' pulse and his breathing; both were fine.

'Is he sick?' Pastor Gideon asked, bending over the couch. Sam shrugged.

'His mom...she...disappeared. A few days ago. We were attacked and he had to...he had to kill someone.'

The town resident who'd followed them through gaped at him. She was a middle aged looking woman, with red hair and soft crinkles around her eyes. 'He's only a baby!'

'Tell me about it.' Dean muttered, resting one hand on James' forehead. 'He doesn't have a temperature at least.'

'Would you like me to fetch the doctor?' The woman asked.

'I'm sorry, who are you?' The question came out rudely, and Sam knew his brother had every intention of it being that way. The woman smiled gently, accepting it.

'My name is Jane.' She looked down at James. 'Are you his father?'

'No. We're his uncles.' Sam clarified. 'His mom was our sister.'

'Where is his father?' The pastor asked, his eyebrow knitting together. 'Is he?'

'He's looking for his mom. We're not sure where he is.' Sam looked back down to Dean. 'We should take him back to the motel.' Dean nodded absently, his hands resting on James' arm. It had been like that since they'd come back from Heaven - Dean was always next to James, keeping him close at all times. Sam knew Dean was worried, and that the source of his concern was losing the boy.

The door behind them opened, and Leah Gideon stepped into the room, a gentle smile on her face. 'Is everything okay?' She looked down at the unconscious child, _something_ flickering over her face. Sam blinked, then ignored it, wondering if he was just so tired and wrung out that he was imagining things now.

'He'll be fine. We're gonna get him back to our hotel room.'

'Such a young boy to have a such a weight on him.' She shook her head, and both brothers looked up at her, differing expressions of suspicion and curiosity on their faces. 'I have seen. He is the chosen. A special child.'

Sam hated that phrasing. He'd once been a "special child" and it had brought him and his family no end of pain and suffering. He didn't want that for his nephew. Leah smiled at him and he felt like ice water had been poured over his spine. 'We better get going.' He nudged Dean, who nodded and scooped James up, cradling him close, moving past them in silence. Sam gave the pastor and his daughter a tight smile, before following his brother out of the building.

As they made their way out, people offered prayers for them, and Sam heard whisperings of a hunt, but he could care less. They weren't locals here, and as soon as they could, they'd be moving on, back to Bobby's. Hopefully Cas would return with Alex then, and they would be together and _safe._ It was all he wanted.

A few hours later, and Sam was still awake, despite how tired he was. Dean was asleep on a motel bed, James curled into his side, his little hands fisted in Dean's shirt, and if it were any other situation, Sam would be taking photos for future blackmail material. But this wasn't a humorous time. James was clinging to the only family he had left, and Dean was clinging to him in much the same way. And Sam couldn't blame them.

One of the townsfolk had popped by with some supplies late in the evening, informed them that the hunt had gone wrong and a teenage boy had been killed. Sam had sighed heavily, thanking them for the food they had brought by and retreated back into the room, unsure of what they were even doing here. He was planning on moving them out in the morning, taking charge in the absence of Dean's unwillingness to do _anything._

It was 2am when he heard a noise from behind him and turned to see Cas hanging off the open fridge door, before he shut it, somewhat noisily. Dean stirred but didn't wake, and Sam stood, frowning at the angel.

'I got your message.' Cas' voice was gruffer than usual and uneven. He swayed as he rested against the room divider. 'It was long, your message. And I find the sound of your voice grating.'

Sam stared at him, eyebrows so high they were almost in his hairline. 'What's wrong with you? Are you…drunk?' He lowered his voice at the last part, unable to believe it.

'No!' The trench-coated angel insisted, then paused, as if rethinking the question. 'Yes.'

'What the hell happened to you?'

Cas shrugged. 'I found a liquor store.'

'And?' Sam held his arms out.

'And I drank it.' Was the snapped reply. 'Why'd you call me?'

Sam scrubbed his face with his hand. 'We got attacked. By demons. Ended up here. There's a lot of attacks going on.'

'Where is James?' Cas asked, looking around as if in a panic, and Sam stood back, gesturing to the bed where James continued to sleep, curled into Dean, his body twitching every now and then. 'He is safe. Good.'

'We weren't gonna get involved in anything. He's...he's in a bad way, Cas. We went to this town meeting and he just started...screaming. Then he passed out.'

Cas stumbled passed the younger Winchester brother, finding the sofa opposite the beds. 'I felt...I feel his pain. But...' He covered his face with his hands. 'My own pain is great.'

Sam tilted his head, moving to stand in front of the angel. 'Cas...what's happened?'

'I can't find Alex.' He admitted, looking up and Sam swore those blue eyes that were always so bright, the same blue eyes his nephew wielded as a dangerous weapon, were dulled, almost dead. 'She's gone. I...I don't know what to do.' Cas looked towards the door. 'I can't even use the star...'

'Star?' Sam queried.

'I gave James a star. Or a piece of a star. It was supposed to link us, so he could always find us. I tried to use it, I tried to use the connection between the grace...but nothing is working. I cannot sense her. I cannot find her. I can _always_ find her.' His breath hitched in his throat and Sam suddenly realised _why_ the angel was stone drunk. He'd used a classic Winchester coping method.

'What does that mean?' Sam asked, dreading the answer; dreading even more having to tell the two sleeping figures on the bed. Cas' eyes dropped, landing on his son, his face a stone mask of pain.

'Alex is dead, Sam.'


	32. Chapter 32

Sam couldn't feel anything. His first reaction to Cas' words had been feeling violently ill, to the point that he'd stumbled backwards, finding a chair and sinking into it, the colour draining from his face as he struggled to let the words become reality. _Alex is dead._ It couldn't be real, couldn't...it just couldn't. He kept his eyes on the table for a moment, staring at the freckled pattern as if it held the solution to the lie, because it hadn't to be a lie, his sister - _their sister_ - couldn't be gone, it just wasn't real.

After a few seconds, the soft thud of something hitting the floor dragged his attention away from the dirty grey patterns on the table, and he looked over to see Castiel had slumped to the floor, clothing dishevelled, hands over his face. In between his fingers, Sam could see the glistening moisture on his face and it struck him that the angel was _crying_.

_This can't be real._

The thought circled in his head like a predator after prey, but he couldn't accept it. Five years apart, and Alex was such a steady constant in their lives now. Their family unit - dashed apart with three words. _Alex is dead._ A broken sob erupted from his throat, as he looked away from Cas, covering his eyes with one hand. He couldn't cry, couldn't let that one choked noise evolve into the dishevelled weeping he was nearing; because if Alex was _truly_ dead, then they had to focus. They had to focus on the one thing she wanted more than anything.

As if on cue, James stirred, rolling over, his little elbow hitting his uncle square in the jaw, and Dean jolted awake with a gasp. He sat up, his eyes going down to the boy sleeping in his arms, and he smiled softly.

Cas' silent tears were shaking his whole frame as he leant backwards against the sofa, his knees drawn up to his chest and he sobbed his grief into his hands. Sam stood from the table on unsteady feet, moving towards the angel as Dean seemed to realise something was going on.

'Cas?' Sam asked softly, crouching down next to the angel and reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder. 'Cas?'

Cas pushed his hand away, turning his face from the hunter, who looked over to his brother. Dean slipped his arms out from underneath James, pulling the sheets up to cover him before swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He padded over to them in his socks, concern and fear screwing up the corners of his eyes. 'Sam, what's going on?'

Sam swallowed the bile rising in his throat, feeling the dryness of his lips. His eyes dropped to the ground before going back up to his brother's green gaze, wondering how the _hell_ he was supposed to tell Dean that she was gone. Dean stood, ready for a fight, as he always did; not knowing this wasn't something they could fight.

'Alex...' Sam started, but he couldn't finish, pulling himself upwards out of the crouch, just as Cas collapsed to the side, obscuring his face from view.

'What about Alex?' The panic in Dean's tone was unmistakable as he shifted his eyes onto the angel on the floor. 'Did you find her, Cas?' The words were almost pleading, as if he knew what had the angel so distraught and _broken_ on the motel room floor. 'Cas?' Dean stepped forward, intent on pulling Castiel to his feet and finding out the truth. Sam blocked his path, placing both hands on his brother's shoulders, looking directly at him.

'Dean.' He breathed, feeling the anxiety under his brother's skin, the heaving of his chest.

'No.' Dean said. 'No.'

'She's gone, Dean.' Sam felt something snap in his chest as he said it out loud. 'Alex is dead.'

'No. No. No.' The eldest Winchester's head shook from side to side, his lips parted as he went through the same emotions Sam could still feel rolling in his own stomach. 'This...no, she can't be. We just need to...'

'There. Is. Nothing.' Cas' gruff voice came to them, muffled under his hand. 'She is gone.' He turned, trying to pull himself to his feet, but failing miserable. Sam wasn't sure how much alcohol it would take to knock an angel like this, but Cas appeared to have drunk past that limit and more. Dean looked at him with disgust.

'Are you drunk?'

'Don't ask stupid questions.' Castiel snapped, stumbling his way over to the bed, leaning down on the opposite side of the mattress to where James was wrapped up in the blankets. Both brothers watched as the angel looked up at the boy with red rimmed blue eyes, and his face dissolved again. Dean blinked, glancing to Sam, who shook his head, rubbing his eyes, trying to stop his own tears from falling.

'She can't be dead.' Dean whispered. 'She was...she just can't be.'

'Cas can't sense her. Or find her anywhere.'

'Sense her? Is that cause of the grace thing?' Dean's eyes remained on Cas, who'd buried his head into the mattress, one hand stretched out to rest on his son's arm in his sleep, the other wrapped in his own hair, clutching desperately as he tried to contain the overwhelming grief shuddering his body. Sam nodded, his gaze following his brother's.

'Cas said he could always find her, but now...she's gone.'

Dean's eyes were shining, and he held one hand to his stomach, his breathing quickening. 'This can't be real, Sammy.' He whispered. 'She...she can't be gone. She was...she was right here.'

Sam looked away, biting his lip as the tears finally escaped. He couldn't say anything, and he watched as the emotions played out over Dean's face, and his brother let gravity take his footing away. He collapsed to the floor, staring at James and Castiel, tears dropping down onto his cheeks, wetting the freckled skin there.

_Alex is dead._

Cas' hand tightened on his son's arm and the movement woke James up, his bleary blue eyes looking over at the angel leaning on the side of the bed. 'Dad?' He whispered, his voice hoarse from the screaming he'd done earlier on in the day. Cas didn't look up, and James frowned, his little face scrunching up as he pulled himself free of the covers and crawled to his father's side. 'Dad? What's wrong?' The angel didn't reply, and James frown became a look of terror, as he sat himself up, one hand holding onto the angel's trench coat. 'Uncle Dean? Uncle Sam?' His voice was shaky, and Sam stepped forward slowly, moving past Dean, who remained on the floor.

'James...'

'What's going on?' James asked, his hand tightening on his father. Cas looked up then, seeing Sam about to break the news and he shook his head at him. Sam's mouth set into a thin line and he waited for Cas to tell James the truth as the boy's bright blue eyes clashed with those of his father. 'Where's Mom, Dad? Did you find her yet?' He faced him, waiting for an answer.

'No, James...I...' Cas swallowed, unable to keep eye contact. James freaked.

'Why not? Where's my Mom?' He demanded, tears gathering in his eyes.

Cas shook his head slightly, his hand moving up to rest on James' forearm. 'Your mother is gone, James. I'm sorry.' The boy gaped at him for a second, before shaking his head.

'No, no, it's okay. We can use the star! The star will help us find her!'

'I already tried.' Cas exhaled, trying to keep a grip on the child. 'Your mother is dead, James.'

Sam shut his eyes tightly for a moment, hearing the words come from the angel's mouth and dreading the reaction. He _knew_ how hard this was, how life-destroying it was to lose your mom. And he knew Dean knew it better than he did. The shouting started fairly quickly, as James launched straight into anger, directing it at the person first to hand.

'No! My mom isn't dead! She isn't dead! She promised she'd never leave! You promised we'd always be able to find her! You promised!' Little fists landed on the angel's chest, and Cas knelt there, at the edge of the bed, and took the punishment. 'She said you would protect us! You lied! You lied to us!' He sobbed, and Cas tried to bring his arms up to hold him, but James wasn't having any of it. 'You lied! I _hate_ you!'

The shock on Cas' face was instantaneous, and James scrabbled off the bed, launching himself straight towards Dean, his arms winding around the older hunter's neck as he sat there. For a moment, Dean didn't react, and then he did, and his own tears became audible. He locked his arms around his nephew and on the floor of the old motel room, they sat there, crying into each other, a broken angel watching them.

* * *

Eventually Dean had moved off of the floor, taking James with him. The boy clung to him like he was the only thing he had left, and whilst Sam felt slightly jealous, he'd known from the start that James was closer to Dean than to him. He sought Dean out for everything, sometimes before he'd even sought his mom, something that had grated on Alex.

God, it _hurt_ to think of her.

'I'm taking him out for some fresh air.' Dean muttered, holding the quietly sobbing boy to him. 'We'll take a drive. Won't go far.'

'Yeah.' Sam said, heaving a breath out as he looked back over at Castiel. The angel was sat on the edge of the bed down, head hanging, hands laying loosely on his knees. The soft click of the motel door shutting didn't even make him flinch, and Sam moved over, sitting on the opposing bed. 'Cas?'

'He hates me.' He didn't look up.

Sam shook his head. 'He didn't mean that. He's upset...we can't really expect anything different from him right now. He just lost his mom.'

'He will hate me.' Cas sighed. 'I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I didn't protect her. And I didn't protect him. I felt his pain, and I was too focused on my own.'

'He won't hate you, Cas.'

'You hated your father.'

Sam's jaw ticked. 'I hated what our father did to us. I hated the life we had to lead.' He looked towards the door, where Dean had disappeared. The sound of the Impala starting up filtered through to them, but Cas didn't move. 'I loved my dad, Cas. I always will.' He reached over, placing a hand on Cas' shoulder. 'James will get through this. We all will.' He withdrew his hand. 'We have other things to focus on right now. Like the demons in this town. And James' screaming in the church.'

Cas didn't respond for a long few minutes before straightening himself up. 'You are right. We should...focus on keeping James safe.' He raised his eyes to Sam's. 'Did he say why he was screaming?'

The hunter shook his head. 'No. The prophet, Leah Gideon, she came in and said something about him being a special child and having a great burden or something. I was a bit too distracted to take much -' He noticed the frown on Cas' face. 'What?'

'She's not a prophet.'

'I'm pretty sure she is. Visions - headaches - the whole package.' Sam watched Cas shake his head.

'The names of _all_ the prophets, they are seared into my brain. Leah Gideon is not one of them.' He stood then, crossing his arms over his chest. Sam followed him with his eyes, raising an eyebrow.

'Then what is she?'

Castiel thought for a moment. 'You say she has been providing messages from angels?'

Sam nodded. 'Yeah, about "paradise" and where the hunts are. She's pretty convincing if she's not a prophet, Cas. You sure you aren't wrong about this?'

'I am not.' He didn't look entirely sure though, and Sam wondered if his failure to find Alex had somehow shaken the angel; made him unsure of himself. Whilst he could understand that, now wasn't the time for a crisis of that kind, not when they had a possible case and a five year old boy that had just lost his mom to protect.

'So what do you think she is?'

Another long pause, and Cas walked across the room, stumbling a little. 'I believe she is the Whore.'

Sam blinked. 'The Whore?'

'She rises when Lucifer walks the earth. "And she shall come, bearing false prophecy." This creature has the power to take a human's form, read minds. Book of Revelation calls her "the Whore of Babylon."' Then angel looked back at Sam. 'She will cause the people to turn on each other, to shed innocent blood. She will condemn this whole town to Hell.'

A dark shadow crossed Sam's face. 'And Dean is out there with James.'

'We will need a specific weapon to kill The Whore.' Castiel said, his back to Sam now as he looked down at the floor. 'Find them. I will retrieve the weapon.' And he was gone. Sam looked around, before pulling out his phone. He flipped it open, frowning when he found he had no signal at all, holding it up and moving around the room. When that didn't work, he moved to his laptop, wondering if he could track Dean's GPS, but he found that he had no Wifi either. He stared at the screen, confused. He _always_ had Wifi signal. Always.

How was he supposed to find Dean and James?

* * *

'You okay, kiddo?' Dean asked quietly, one hand on the steering wheel as he drove around the quiet streets, his other wrapped around James as the boy snuggled into his side. It was uncomfortable, but neither of them wanted to be apart, drawing comfort from each other as they processed through what they'd been told. James had lost his mother; Dean had lost his baby sister. Both were grieving, and James had latched onto his uncle, maybe because he knew that Dean had lost his mom young, so in a way he understood.

But Dean didn't understand.

He didn't understand how it was fair that their family was cursed; that him and his siblings had lost their mom, and now James had to lose his. Zachariah's spiel about James being fine, about how Castiel was there to guide him; it didn't make him feel better in the slightest. Because _no one _ was ever truly fine without their mom. They moved on, they grieved, they built a life, they did the right thing...but there was always that emptiness where a part of your family was and should have always been. Dean felt it when his mom died, it got worse when first his dad died, then Sammy died, despite him coming back. And now that emptiness was gnawing at his insides, eating away at him, because now his baby sister was dead too.

But James was still here.

And James had lost his mom.

Dean had always taken it as his given job, his reason in life, to protect those he loved. He'd died for Sammy. He would have died for Alex. He knew that Hell would have to come through him to get to James. Heaven too. _Cas_ hadn't protected them well enough. He hadn't done what he was supposed to. And now Alex was dead. Dean couldn't let anything happen to James; he'd already let her down once, he wasn't about to do it again by failing to protect her son.

The night was dark outside the Impala, and Dean looked down at the fragile boy hidden underneath his arm. Sometimes there were moments when the kid looked so grown up, and Dean was well aware of the resemblance between them. Alex had always looked more like him than Sammy, and it looked like the only thing James would inherit from his other uncle was the height. He was already tall for his age. But the freckles, the hair, the nose and the shape of his jaw. That was all Dean and Alex. Everything about him was pure Winchester, except for those too blue eyes.

A fleeting thought stuck it's hooks into his mind. Before, he'd thought about saying "Yes", and giving in, but he knew he couldn't do that now. No matter what the angels promised him, he had to stay now, he had to be here to _protect_ James and his brother. There was no other choice. Except he could run. Run and hide. The exact opposite of what a Winchester would do. James looked enough like him to pass as his, and if Castiel had told him the truth, DNA tests would only prove it further. He could run, take James, start somewhere else and hide out. Keep James out of the life. Keep him _safe._

But he wouldn't.

Because it wasn't what a Winchester would do.

It wasn't what Alex would do.

He sighed, feeling the tiredness in his bones. He was so sick of it. So sick of all of this. Looking ahead, he saw the bar they'd be too before, with its lights on and decided to stop in to see if he could get James to eat anything. The boy was unresisting as his uncle pulled him out of the car, holding him in his arms securely.

'You hungry?' He asked, and James shrugged, burrowing his face into the lapels of Dean's jacket. Dean walked towards the bar, nudging the door open with his elbow, and immediately froze as he walked in. A group of people were there, including the woman, Jane and her husband that they'd see at the church. The pastor was there too, and on the floor, slumped against the pillar, was the bar owner; Dean remembered his name as Paul. He was dead, blood pouring from a bullet wound in his chest. 'The hell?' All eyes looked up and focused on him.

'This isn't what it looks like.' The pastor said slowly, holding up his hands. Dean hesitated; not long ago he would have jumped in, demanded an explanation, but right now, with the warmth of James' body in his arms like a soft reminder, he shook his head.

'You know what? Got my own problems.' And he turned, heading back out before James could see the dead body on the floor.

* * *

Sam was pacing, trying to figure out a solution to finding Dean, when the motel door opened and his brother strode in with James cradled in his arms. The boy looked pale, sweaty and downright sickly, but Sam recognised the faraway look in his eyes; he was in shock. Stepping forward, Sam took his from Dean, not giving him any chance to resist, and moved over to the bed. He laid the small boy down, sitting next to him, as Dean hovered.

'He okay?' Dean asked. 'He's been really quiet.'

'He's in shock. Can you get him some water?' Sam asked, and Dean complied, returning several seconds later with a glass full of tap water. His brother took it, pulling James into a sitting position. 'Can you drink some of this for me, James? Please?' James nodded, taking the glass and sipping it. He looked up at his uncle with half shut eyes.

'I'm tired, Uncle Sammy.'

'I know, buddy. But you can't sleep, okay? You need to stay awake for us.' Another nod, and Sam smiled at him, ruffling his hair. Dean watched, worry etched across his face as Sam turned to him. 'He'll be fine, Dean. What happened?'

'Paul - the guy from the bar - dead. Looks like the locals formed a lynch mob.'

'Yeah, we've got no cell signal, no wifi, no cable. Whole town's being turned into some kind of fundamentalist compound.' Sam stood from the bed, glancing back briefly at James, who sat still, the glass of water in his hands. 'And turns out Leah - not a prophet.'

'So what is she?'

'The Whore.' Cas' voice came from behind them. He still looked half drunk, and held what looked like a large stake in his hand.

'Wow, Cas. Tell us what you really think.' Dean quipped, looking down to the stake the angel held. 'What's that for?'

'It will kill the Whore.'

'Again...' Dean looked to Sam for an explanation.

'The Whore Of Babylon. Apocalypse thing. She's gonna drag this town to hell.'

The elder hunter's eyes widened, looking over to James. 'We should be thinking about making a move then, huh?'

'What?' Sam asked, shocked by his brother's response. 'No, we stay and take care of it. It's what we do, Dean.'

'No, what we do is protect James.' Dean clenched his fists. 'I'm not putting him in the middle of this.' He looked between Sam and Cas. 'I'm not watching...' His voice broke, and Sam reached out, but his brother pulled away. 'Whatever.' He strode to the other side of the room, and Sam glanced to Cas.

'We have another problem. Whilst this cyphus stake,' he held it up, showing them. 'Will kill the Whore, it needs to be wielded by a true servant of heaven.'

'Servant like...' Sam asked, and Dean turned at that point, his eyes narrowing.

'Not Dean. Or me. You, of course, are an abomination.' Yup, Cas was still on the alcohol train. 'And I do not wish to put James in that position.' Dean latched onto that like a dog with a bone.

'Well, that's a given. He's not going near this.'

'We will have to find someone else.' Castiel looked over to the boy on the bed, and it seemed like someone had touched him, letting all of the tension out of his body as he slumped. His eyes stayed on his son for a few seconds, and then he looked away, feeling utterly defeated. Sam wanted to reassure him, but the death glare on his brother's face made it pretty obvious it would lead to an argument; something James didn't to hear right now. When Dean got angry, he tended to say things he didn't mean, and things that didn't need to be heard, and his anger at the angel was blatant.

And then he had an idea. 'What about Pastor Gideon?'

* * *

When they'd finally convinced the pastor that it was the right thing to do, the boys had geared up, and Dean left Sam with James for a few moments whilst he went out to get some supplies from the trunk. Outside, he found Cas, sitting on the concrete blocks along the front of the motel, looking decidedly sorry for himself. After rooting around the trunk and finding what he needed, he picked up a bottle of pain medication that he'd frequently dipped into after a night of heavy drinking.

Been a long time since he'd actually drunk that much.

'Heads up.' He tossed the bottle at Cas, who caught it clumsily, looking at the bottle with mild interest.

'How many should I take?' The angel asked, and Dean considered it for a moment. He knew the pills wouldn't kill the angel, but then taking the recommended dose of two probably wouldn't do anything, and the Dean-dose of ten wouldn't touch it either. He shrugged.

'You? You should probably down the whole bottle.'

'Thanks.' Cas mumbled, trying to twist the cap off. Dean didn't look at him as he passed, heading back for the motel room.

'Yeah, don't mention it. I know how it feels.'

He didn't want the angel to say anything else, but he did, and the quiet words reached him with the precision of a knife in his spine and he stopped. 'How do we go on from here?' Dean sighed, his shoulders dropping, his eyes shut and face pinched as he turned, moving to take a seat next to the angel.

'I guess...' He looked at his calloused hands, refusing to even look up at the angel at his side. 'We save people. We hunt things. We carry on the family business.' _My family is small, and kinda broken, but it's mine._ 'We keep fighting.'

'I don't feel much like fighting.' Cas admitted, his voice low.

'Well, neither do I but we do what we gotta do.' Dean stood, having had enough of the pity party. 'We're all hurting here, Cas. But we don't have time to stop. We need to do our job.' With that he turned on his heel and left.

* * *

It had all gone to hell quite quickly when they tried to take The Whore out. Leah had used some kind of Enochian spell on Cas and rendered him useless, the pastor was laying on the floor and Sam was struggling with the civilians. It had left Dean to face her, his attention divided by the fact that James was cowering under a table somewhere, too messed up to do anything but cry for his mom. And she wasn't coming any time soon.

Leah smiled at him, her mouth wide in mockery. 'Please. Like you're a servant of Heaven.' She threw him backwards with telekinesis, and Dean grunted as he hit the wall near where James was hiding. He rolled to the side, looking up as Leah strode towards him, and too close to James. 'This is why my team's gonna win. You're the great vessel? You're pathetic, self-hating, and faithless. It's the end of the world. And you're just gonna sit back and watch it happen.' She pinned him down as he struggled to reach for the stake, her smile stretching further and further until Dean thought her head might split. If he could just try and get the weapon, try and...

...And the stake disappeared from his view, only to reappear two moments later buried in Leah's chest, making her stumble back and gasp as she looked down at the person who'd stabbed her.

Looked down at James.

Dean's eyes widened in horror, and he sat up as Leah's hold over him disappeared, the girl stumbling backwards, blood gurgling from her mouth, her face shifting to show the demon beneath as James watched her with cold blue eyes. Dean grabbed him around the waist, pulling him back to a safe distance just in case. The boy landed with a slight grunt on his uncle's lap, just as Leah took her last breath and died.

One of the civilians, Jane he thought, said something about Paradise, and all Dean could do was stare at the boy in his arms, the cold glare fixed on the dead body of the false prophet. He didn't care about the civilians. He didn't care about anything else in this moment except for the fact that James had done what they couldn't.

_A true servant of Heaven._

What the hell did that mean for him?

He was five years old. And he'd killed twice now, to Dean's knowledge. What the hell kind of life was that for any kid?

_It was the life you led._

_And look how I turned out._

Dean vaguely registered Sam coming over and asking if he was okay. Castiel was staring at James in wonder, and Dean considered that maybe he'd known about this. He hadn't even wanted to bring James along, and now the kid was sitting there with some demon whore's blood on his hands. And that _cold_ look in his eyes. Like he'd do it again, and again.

'Dean?'

The elder Winchester blinked and looked up at his brother. 'Sam?'

'We need to go. The pastor is hurt, and Cas is pretty banged up from whatever she did.' Dean didn't give a shit about either of them right now, but he allowed Sam to take his nephew, and got to his feet, following them out of the room with a brief glance back to the dead body on the floor. Sam hung back from the angel and the pastor as they walked, James sitting on his taller uncle's hip, his head on his shoulder. From what Dean could see, his eyes were open, but he wasn't saying anything. 'You okay?' Sam's question made him look up sharply.

'I'm...I'm fine.'

'How do you think he did it?' Dean stared at James, contemplating the question, looking for an answer in the blue depths of his nephew's eyes. James blinked a couple of times, yawned, and turned his face into Sam's shoulder. Sam moved his head a little, resting his cheek against the top of the boy's head, and Dean sighed.

'I don't know, Sammy.' _But I need to do something. I need to save him. Like I didn't save his mom._

There was a stupidly dark thought worming its way through Dean's skull. He knew Sam would be severely pissed if he even suggested it. But he had to do something. He could stop this. He could save them.

Maybe even get Alex back.

Maybe.

He had to try.

* * *

**Sorry there was no chapter yesterday...I am currently in the middle of a Season Six Sam attitude adjustment, so if anyone's seen my soul, let me know. Also, points and virtual cookies to anyone who finds the little homage to Lilo & Stitch in this chapter!**


	33. Chapter 33

When they had gotten back to the motel, Castiel had helped Pastor Gideon into the motel, and Sam had turned to Dean, asking if he was okay. His brother had been quiet on the way back, allowing Sam to drive, sitting in the front seat with James on his lap. Climbing out of the car with James securely held in his arms, Dean had answered that he was fine, and he'd come inside in a moment, he just wanted to get James' favourite pyjamas out of the trunk. Sam had offered to take their nephew, but the way Dean was clinging to him, it was clear he wouldn't be letting the boy go.

So Sam had gone inside, trusting that his brother would follow.

When the Impala had started up a few moments later, he'd run outside, only to see the tail lights of his brother's beloved car disappear into the darkness.

Dean and James were gone.

* * *

He drove for hours in silence, whilst James slept in the front seat. The boys head was tucked against the door, his little arms folded around his body. No sound came from him, but occasionally he twitched, and Dean wondered if he was having nightmares.

It was daylight when he pulled up to the nice suburban house. He contemplated it for a moment, taking in the painted slats and white framed windows. It looked normal - safe. Safe enough anyway. He climbed out of the car, glancing back at James, who was still asleep. He wouldn't be far, and he wouldn't be long.

Knocking on the door took more courage than he thought he could muster, but he managed it, and his heart was thumping in his chest like crazy as Lisa answered the door. Lisa Braeden. God, he'd missed the sight of her. She was as beautiful now as she had been ten years ago. She smiled at him, although the shock on her face was clear.

'Dean.'

'Hi, Lisa, I, er, I didn't have your number.'

She smiled again, shaking her head a little. 'No, no, it's okay, I'm -' She took a short sharp breath. 'I'm just surprised.'

'How's Ben?' He asked, genuinely interested, wondering if the boy was in the house.

'Good, good. He's at baseball.'

Dean smiled, looking up at the house again. 'You moved. It's a...nice house.' God, what was he doing here? This was too hard. But it was too late to back out. He had to do this.

'Dean, you didn't come all the way out here to talk real estate. You all right?' She looked so damn concerned, her forehead wrinkling a little and god, she was beautiful. He wished he could stay here, let the world kill itself, he could stay here, with James and be safe. But he didn't have that option.

'No. Not really.'

'Well, what is it?' Lisa asked, taking a tiny step forward.

He took a breath, knowing what he was going to ask was huge, but hoping that the kind, gentle Lisa he knew would help him, would do this for a drifter that crashed into her life, left a impact and then ran. 'Look, I have no illusions, okay? I know the life that I live, I know how that's gonna end for me. Whatever. I'm okay with that. But I wanted you to know…that when I do picture myself happy…it's with you. And the kid.'

'Wow.' She looked taken aback by that, but he wasn't finished.

'But...it's not just me any more. There's something I have to do, and I need you to help me. Or help him.' He heard the Impala door open, and he cursed the timing. Lisa's eyes went to the car and widened. 'Lisa...'

'Uncle Dean?' James' tired little voice made him turn, and he bent down as the boy walked up to him, rubbing his tired eyes. Dean picked him up, holding him close, wishing he didn't have to do this, wishing it wasn't the only option but he just wasn't _safe_ with them.

Lisa's eyes were questioning as he turned back to her. 'This is James.' He said, and James looked at the lady curiously. 'James, this is Lisa.'

'Hi, James.' Lisa asked, her eyes clearly ghosting over the familiar features on the boy, raising an eyebrow in Dean's direction. 'Dean, is he...'

'He's my sister's.' She blinked, and he remembered that she'd thought his sister had disappeared years ago. 'She was...' Dean swallowed hard. 'She was killed. And it's not...it's not safe for him with us.'

'Dean...I...' Lisa looked at the boy, who was tucking his head under Dean's chin, looking so world weary and drained, and she faltered. 'You need him to be safe? You think he'll be okay here?' She looked around. 'He's...he's not in danger right now?'

'No. He's hidden.' Dean sighed. 'I'm not gonna lie to you, Lisa. He's seen more than a five year old should have. But he needs somewhere he can be safe, and me and Sam...we just can't give that to him.'

'Where's his father?' Lisa asked, and was answered, or so she thought, by the look on Dean's face. 'Oh.' She thought for a moment. 'This is a lot to ask, Dean.'

'I know.' He pressed his cheek against James' soft and messy hair, closing his eyes briefly, inhaling the scent of him, trying to hold onto it forever. 'But I don't have anyone else. And I know you'll take good care of him.' She chewed her bottom lip, reaching out to touch the boy's arm.

'He looks like you.' She whispered. 'A lot like you.'

'So did his mom.' Dean replied, and James looked up.

'Uncle Dean?'

'Yeah, kiddo?'

'It's okay. You can go.' The words were so innocently spoken that both adults were taken aback by them. 'I'll be okay here.' He threw his arms round his uncle's neck and clung onto him tightly and Dean felt compelled to do the same, holding onto him as if he never had to let him go, as if he wasn't going to go off and give himself up for the world; almost as if he was just popping down to the grocery store. 'You're a hero like mom, right?' James whispered and Dean choked back a sob, holding on tighter, nodding, knowing if he spoke he'd just cry and break down and he wouldn't be able to leave.

Lisa looked like she was going to cry. 'Dean, why don't you come in for a moment, have a beer and we'll talk?'

Dean shook his head. 'No.' He said, his voice breaking a little. James let go, and he let him slide to the floor. The boy walked over to Lisa and stood in front of her, looking up at her. She crouched down, reaching out a hand to cup his cheek.

'You sure you want to stay here, little guy?' Lisa asked and James nodded.

'You're a good person.' He said firmly. 'You're like my mom was.'

The words made Lisa smile sadly, and she motioned to the house. 'Why don't you go and sit inside, hon?' James nodded and stepped over the threshold, only to turn and run back, barrelling into his uncle's legs with the comparable force of a freight train. Dean felt pain in his chest as James clung to him for a few seconds, then he pulled away and smiled up. Something in his blue eyes was _different, _like he knew something, but there was a clarity there that hadn't been visible a few hours earlier when he'd stabbed a stake through someone's heart.

'I love you, Uncle Dean.' He said, then bolted into the house.

'Dean, why don't you -'

'I gotta go, Lisa.' He said, his voice quiet but firm. _I gotta leave here and I won't be coming back._ 'Things you're gonna see...stuff on TV...it's gonna get pretty damn trippy. But I'm making arrangements for you and Ben, okay? And James.'

'What do you mean, arrangement?'

'The people I'm gonna see next. They're not getting anything out of me without a few conditions.' He smiled tightly.

'Has he got any stuff with him?' She asked and Dean shook his head.

'I didn't really...I just had to get him safe.'

Lisa nodded in understanding. 'I get it. I've some of Ben's old stuff upstairs. Is there anything in particular he likes?'

_God, he couldn't do this._ 'He likes Cars, that Disney film. And real cars. Superman, Batman, the usual boy stuff. Comics. And he likes to keep his hair short.' _He likes strawberries, and ice cream, and he liked to stand on a stool when me or Bobby were fixing cars, and he loved the smell of his mom's shampoo and watching her cook in the kitchen, and he was so good at shooting cans off the brick walls in Bobby's yard, and he could melt butter with a single look of his puppy dog eyes, and he liked being on his Uncle Sam's shoulders cause it was so high, and I'm so damn proud of him and god, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I have to do this..._ 'He's a pretty easy going kid. He might...he might have some nightmares.' _And I should be here to make sure he's okay, but I can't be. _'You're sure this is okay?' _Say no so I can take him and leave, please._

'It's fine, Dean.' She smiled. 'We'll be fine.' He nodded, turning slightly, as if to leave, but something crossed his mind.

'Don't call him Winchester. James is a common enough name, but not Winchester.' He hated that most of all, because James was a _Winchester_ and he always would be._  
_

'I know people. Shouldn't be too hard to take care of.' She said slowly. 'Dean, are you sure...maybe just stay an hour. Make sure he's settled, say hi to Ben?'

He took a deep shuddering breath. 'I wish I could, Lisa. But I have to go.' He looked beyond her to where James had sat himself on the sofa and was looking around patiently. 'Just...just take care of him, yeah?' She nodded, and he leant forward, kissing her once on the lips, before he turned away. 'Goodbye, Lisa.'

_Goodbye James._

And just like that, he walked away from the most important thing in his life.

* * *

He'd found a motel room a couple of hours away from Lisa's, and started packing away his stuff. He folded up his dad's old leather jacket, the keys to the Impala, his favourite gun, and a letter to Bobby, and put it all in a box. In truth, he was expecting Sam to find him, because he'd forgotten to turn the GPS off on his phone, but maybe not this quickly. He was fully expecting him to be pissed as hell as well, which his younger brother clearly was when he kicked the door in.

'Dean?'

'How'd you find me?' Dean asked, trying to inject a single ounce of emotion into the sentence, but in truth, since he'd left James behind, he didn't care anymore.

'That doesn't matter. Where's James?' Sam demanded.

'He's safe.' His brother replied simply, shrugging a little. He turned, finding himself with a face full of Castiel.

'Where is my son?' The angel demanded, his hand around Dean's throat. Dean pushed him off, and it took a great deal of effort.

'What, can't you sense him either?' Dean spat. 'Think your angel mojo is going right up the wazoo, Cas.' Cas' face darkened dangerously, and Dean understood then. 'You really can't sense him, can you?' He shook his head. 'So, what does that mean? That our sister _is_ out there somewhere?'

'No. It simply means that...' The angel stepped back. 'Either when my connection to Alex was severed, my connection to James was also broken or...he is hidden somehow.' He looked to Sam then back to Dean. 'Where is he?'

'Like I said. Safe.'

'What is this, Dean? You planning on killing yourself?'

'No, I'm not going to kill myself.' Dean scoffed, not meeting either of their eyes.

'No? So Michael's _not_ about to make you his Muppet? What the hell, man? This is how it ends? You just…walk out?' Sam was furious now, that rage he always had boiling just below the surface.

'Yeah, I guess.' The admission made Sam sag, as he realised just how far his brother had fallen, just how much he'd given up.

'How could you do that?'

Dean whirled on him then. 'How could _I_? All you've _ever_ done is run away.'

'And I was wrong. Every single time I did it. But Dean, this isn't just you, it's James as well. Where the hell did you leave him?'

'Where he can be safe and happy and normal.' Sam's eyes widened and he realised _exactly_ where that was. Cas glared at him. 'At the end of the day, he doesn't need to be in this. He doesn't _need_ it. And I'm not dealing with your shit right now, Cas. James is safe. I'm giving myself up. You can't stop me.'

Sam eyed him carefully. 'We can.'

Dean pulled a face, as if he was challenging his brother. 'Really?'

'Not all my "mojo" is gone, Dean.' Castiel raised his hand, pressing two finger's to Dean's forehead and knocking him out.

* * *

When he opened his eyes again, he was in Bobby's panic room, on the small cot in the middle of the room and he sat up, scrubbing a hand over his face, before noticing his brother leaning against the door. He kept his face impassive, seeing Cas stood just outside the open door of the panic room, glaring at him.

'Well, Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that…I got laid.' The angel narrowed his eyes further, slamming the door shut and storming off. Dean shrugged, not caring that he'd pissed him off. 'Is this really necessary?' He gestured to the room around them.

'I'm not letting you do it.'

'There's no "let" about it, Sammy. I'm doing this. I'm not letting anyone else die.'

Sam looked away, sighing heavily. 'Dean...' His brother stood up, a stern expression on his face as he looked at his baby brother.

'I'm serious. I mean, think about how many people we've gotten killed, Sam. Mom, Dad, Jess, Jo, Ellen, _Alex_.' Sam flinched. 'Should I keep going?'

'It's not like we pulled the trigger.' Sam tried to reason with him but Dean shook his head.

'We might as well have. I'm tired, man. I'm tired of fighting who I'm supposed to be.'

'Well, do you think maybe you could take a half a second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change? Maybe we could actually stick together?'

Dean looked away, stuffing his hands into his pockets. 'I don't think so.' They'd been trying that for the last eighteen months and more, and now they were here, with one dead sister, a nephew in hiding from angels and demons, and looking down the barrel of the apocalypse with no way out.

'Why not? Dean, seriously. Tell me. I - I want to know.'

'I just…I - I don't believe.' Dean ran a hand through his hair, unable to face his little brother over this. It was too hard. Telling him that he had no faith in him, in himself, no real conviction that anyone could stop this or save them, save James, save Lisa and Ben, save Bobby. He'd given up and the only way to keep the people he loved safe now was give himself up, give everything over to Michael and just make sure he promised to keep them safe, healthy, _alive_, and not in this horrible shitty excuse for a life they'd been living for thirty years.

'In what?' Sam pressed further and Dean squeezed his eyes shut, before turning to his brother, green eyes blazing as he prepared to give him the harshest truth. He needed Sammy gone, out of here, so he could get on with this.

'In you. I mean, I don't. I don't know whether it's gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they're gonna find a way to turn you.'

Sam looked upset, but still pretty collected. 'So you're saying I'm not strong enough.'

_Come on Winchester, you've said plenty worse. Just get it out. '_You're angry, you're self-righteous. Lucifer's gonna wear you to the prom, man. It's just a matter of time.'

That appeared to rattle Sam, and he stepped forward, almost begging in his movements. 'Don't say that to me. Not you...of all people.'

'I don't want to. But it's the truth. And when Satan takes you over, there's got to be somebody there to fight him, and it ain't gonna be that kid. So, it's got to be me.'

Sam walked out.

* * *

Castiel was pissed. He'd felt anger before, but nothing like this red hot rage burning deep in his gut, urging him forward, to find Dean. After the hunter had banished him from the panic room, using the sigils, it hadn't taken long to regain his footing, and the anger had probably helped. Everything was getting to him, increasing the rage he'd started feeling when Alex's body had been laying the motel room floor, saturated in her own blood and buckshot from the shotgun that had killed her. Then she'd disappeared, and his pain had been greater than anything he'd known. Except for James' pain.

And Dean had taken him. He'd taken his son, placed him where he could not find him, and then he'd intended on saying yes. He was going in the face of everything they fought for and Castiel was _raging._

So when he heard the prayer of the Christian man that Dean had accosted, he'd immediately flocked to it, knocking the man clean out before any more angels showed their faces. And then he'd rushed Dean, dragged him into an alley, pushed him up against the wall and landed that first sweet fist to the hunter's face. He felt the soft flesh yield underneath his knuckles and the rage had abated a little.

But not enough.

He wanted to kill Dean Winchester. For all he'd done. For all Castiel had done.

'I rebelled for this?' He shouted, landing another punch to Dean's gut, doubling the man over in pain. 'So that you could surrender to them?' Another hit, and Dean went to his knees.

'Cas! Please!' He begged, but Cas couldn't hear him.

'I gave _everything_ for you!' A blow to the side of the head, and Dean was on the floor. Cas drew back his arm. 'And this is what you give to me!'

'Do it!' Dean cried out. 'Just...do it.'

And with that, the rage disappeared. He stood over the bloodied figure of his friend; his _family_ really...and the anger went away. He saw the broken man that Dean was, the things he had to do, the pain of having to hide James away, losing his sister. And he crouched down, close to the man he'd just beaten within an inch of his life. 'You took my son away, Dean.' He touched his forehead and knocked him out again.

He stood straight, readying himself to return to Bobby's with Dean, but a noise behind him made him turn.

'You know, if you'd been a bit quicker and not decided to beat the crap out of him, we wouldn't have this problem now.' Zachariah said smugly, as he walked forward. 'But thanks for making sure he comes quietly.' Zachariah nodded to the two other angels who melted from the shadows, and Cas' eyes widened. He lunged for the first one, but the second was quicker and before he knew it, he was stood alone in the alleyway.

* * *

When Dean awoke, he was back in the damned angel green room. He looked around, sitting up against the wall he'd been dumped by. There was the usual douchebag décor and the pile of burgers and beer on the table. In the other corner, Zachariah stood, his arms folded and a sly grin on his face.

'Dean Winchester.'

Dean pulled himself to his feet, grunting with the exertion. Bastards hadn't even healed him after Cas' beat down. He wished the angel had just finished it, but chances are he'd have ended up here anyway. He knew where this was going.

'We're very glad you've decided to join us.'

'I haven't said yes yet.' Dean retorted, wiping blood off of his face.

'Oh you will.' Zachariah chuckled, standing straight. 'You're not getting away from us this time.'

Dean looked around the room. 'Yeah, well, I've got some conditions.'

The bald angel looked at him quizzically, then laughed loudly. 'Conditions? You think we'll agree to anything you demand? After the run around you've given us.' He swept his arms wide. 'We're winning here, Dean. You haven't got anything we want. But we've got something on you.' The frown on Dean's face was deep, and Zachariah pointed to the other side of the room. Dean followed the gesture, his eyes widening at the figure stood opposite him.

Alex stood, dressed in a white dress, her dark hair pulled back into a neat ponytail. She tilted her head at him, as if he were a stranger. 'Hello, Dean.'

'Alex?' He rushed forward, then paused as she made no move. '...you're not Alex.' He deduced quickly, and she gave a little half smile, but it wasn't Alex smiling. 'Michael.'

'Got it in one!' Zachariah grinned, clapping his hands together. 'Shocking how readily your sister agreed to this, just so her little boy could be safe. She didn't have to say yes of course, but we thought we'd make it fair.'

'Let her go.' Dean said, narrowing his eyes at Michael, wearing his sister's meatsuit.

'This makes you uncomfortable.' She said slowly, stepping towards him. 'But trust me when I say, this is better than what my brother had planned for her. He would have twisted her, Dean, made her into something far more evil and dangerous than you could have imagined. With this, she is safe. _James_ is safe. We prevented anyone from being able to find him, even his father.'

'You're the ones stopping Cas from sensing him?' Dean asked and Michael nodded. 'So what is this? You've got a vessel. Why do you want me?'

'Because it was your destiny, not hers. If you say yes, I will return her soul to heaven, and she can enjoy eternity in peace.' Michael explained. 'She would not have to fight any more.'

'Doesn't change the fact that James doesn't have a mother, does it? I thought she was supposed to be alive, to help him, like you all wanted?'

'Plans inevitably changed.' Michael shrugged. 'Things do.'

'Yeah, and shit happens.' Dean spat. 'You let her go back to James. You let her live out her life. Then I'll say yes.'

'It is not possible.' The angel said, looking at least a little sorry for what was being said. Zachariah chuckled.

'She's too dangerous to go back there.'

'What the fuck is that supposed to mean?' The hunter demanded, and Zachariah smiled widely.

'If she went back, and Lucifer got hold of her, do you know what he'd do to her? Would you really wish that on her?' Zachariah said, stepping closer to him. Dean wanted to punch him. 'And we are very short of time. Your brother and the hapless angel know where we are, and they're mounting a rescue mission as we speak. Not that they will get far.'

'I'm not gonna say yes unless you let her go home.'

'She's dead, Dean. She died in that motel room.' Michael explained gently. 'You can either save her soul, give her eternal rest, or you can refuse, and she will be my vessel for eternity.'

'You said you wouldn't leave me a drooling mess. You gonna do the same for her?'

'She would die if I left her.' The angel said simply. 'It's an easy choice, Dean. You are making this harder than it needs to be.'

Dean stared at his sister's face, seeing the pale skin, the smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose, her hazel eyes that flashed green when she was pissed off...the slight figure that betrayed the strength she held. He didn't want to forget her, but he felt like he had. Like he'd not seen her in a thousand years. And the pain he felt at thinking of her stuck in there, unable to fight or do anything...could he really leave her there?

Could he do this?

He took a breath, closing his eyes.

And made his choice.

* * *

'Where are we?' Sam asked, looking over at Cas. They were alone, and not well armed against what they were going to fight. He looked at the warehouse in front of them, wondering if his brother was actually in there.

'Van Nuys, California.' Castiel replied, looking straight ahead. 'The green room is in there.'

'Do you think he's said it? Given in?'

'I don't know.' Cas replied, not looking at the hunter. He pulled a box-cutter out of his pocket. Sam looked at it quizzically. 'There are at least five angels in there. I will distract them, you need to retrieve your brother.'

'What are you doing with that?' Sam asked.

'Something very painful, that may kill me.' He opened the button on his shirt, and Sam looked away as he started to carve the angel banishing sigil on his own skin. Blood dribbled down his chest, and he gritted his teeth, pushing through the pain until he had finished. 'You need to get Dean clear. You have faith in your brother, Sam, but I do not. You need to get him back to the panic room and keep him there.' He re-buttoned his shirt, covering the bloodied front with his trench coat, and then sliced his palm open. 'I will go in first. You will know when to follow.'

He didn't wait for a reply from Sam and pushed ahead, walking into the warehouse through the small side door. As per his prediction, there were five angels stood, guarding the room. He knew there was sixth sneaking up behind him, and he quickly span, turning and slamming his angel blade through his throat, killing him, and the angel sprawled to the floor, burnt out wing marks on the floor underneath him.

Castiel turned back to the remaining five angels. 'What are you waiting for?' He grinned. 'Come on.' He threw his angel blade to the floor, and as the angels' attacked, he ripped open his shirt. The door to the small office unit opened suddenly, and a dark haired girl in a white dress stepped out, just as Cas pressed his bloodied hand to his chest.

The pain was excruciating as the other angels were blasted away first. He wasn't sure which direction he was thrown in, but it felt like he was pulled everywhere, torn into a million pieces and scattered across the universe. As the pain increased, a crescendo of explosions ripped at him and he screamed loudly.

Then there was peace, and for a moment, he thought he felt Alex beside him, telling him it would be okay.

And everything was dark.

* * *

Sam saw the light fill the warehouse and ran towards the door, flinging it open. When he got inside, Cas was gone, and the only angel was the dead one on the floor. He saw the small unit in the middle of the building, the door hanging open to reveal the room inside. Dean was stood there, Zachariah behind him, the bald angel looking completely surprised by what had happened.

'Dean!' Sam called, running towards them.

'You - you banished Michael?' Zachariah was turning red now, his anger getting the best of him. Sam reached the door just as Zachariah tried to shut it with an outstretched palm, slipping in. 'It won't keep him away long.' The hunters ignored him.

'Dean?' His name contained so many questions; Dean didn't know which to answer first.

The bald angel watched them for a moment, his anger stewing. 'You two...are...really pissing me off!' His voice rose to a crescendo. 'You do realise being fired in my line of work means _actual_ fire right?' Dean glared at him, his arm reaching out to grip Sam's jacket sleeve.

'You took her.' The words were laced with venom. 'You took her and you've used her.'

'And all you had to do was say yes, and we'd let her go.' Zachariah said, calmly, his rage still simmering below the surface.

'You won't let her go! You'll let her die!' Dean yelled, Sam now holding on to him, holding him back. He looked between them, confused by what was going on.

'Dean! Dean! What the hell? Let who die?' His brother turned wide green eyes on him.

'It was them! They took Alex. They convinced her to just...to just give up...' Realisation set in and he narrowed his eyes. 'That's what this was all about. Bring me to the brink so I'd had no choice and use her as a final bargaining chip. All because Michael doesn't wanna go to fight his brother wearing a girl.'

Zachariah chuckled. 'Well...not all of it. We told Alex that she could stop Lucifer whilst he was still wearing Nick, but the game must be played according to the rules after all.' He sighed. 'But you're not going to play at all are you?'

'I'm gonna find a way to stop you.' Dean snarled, shrugging his brother off. 'And I'm going to put a blade through your face.'

'I'd like to see you try.' Zachariah smirked, and Dean lunged for him again, only for Sam to drag him backwards. It was hard to control his brother, the anger in him so intense he was fighting like a caged animal to get at the angel, so when the room began to shake, it took a few moments for Sam to realise.

'Dean. Dean. We have to go!' He pulled him back towards the door. The elder Winchester struggled again, then seemed to notice what was going on.

'Sam...what about Alex?' His brother paused, a sad look on his face.

'We'll figure something out, Dean. I promise. But we have to go.' He tugged on his brothers jacket, pushing him through the door. They sprinted through the warehouse as it continued to shake, ducking out of the door. Bright light began to fill the building as they continued to run.

Inside, Zachariah smiled, looking over at the corner where Michael had reappeared in Alex's skin. He gave a small nod to his superior, who approached him slowly, Alex's bare feet padding on the ground. 'Zachariah.' The archangel's tone was gentle as he smiled at the bald angel. 'You've failed again.'

'No.' Zachariah said, eyes wide, his head shaking from side to side. 'I had him here. They won't have gotten far.'

'You keep underestimating those boys.' Michael smiled, looking down at the vessel he possessed. 'They won't give up. Like this one. She's screaming, knowing we lied to her. This vessel is...adequate for purpose. It may not be my true vessel...but I can defeat my brother with it. It may even be easier.' He looked back up at Zachariah, cold hazel eyes burning into the other angel's gaze. 'I'm afraid you are fired, brother.' And he raised Alex's hand, placing it palm first on Zachariah's forehead.

Dean and Sam heard the scream two blocks down.

* * *

**Not even joking, writing Dean leaving James with Lisa...actually hurt. I broke my own feels. Again. Why do we do this to ourselves?**


	34. Chapter 34

**I've been staring at this chapter for three days now. I'm just...ugh...oh well. **

* * *

'You were gonna say yes.'

It wasn't a question, and Sam didn't look at him as he drove the stolen car back to Bobby's. They had been on the road for several hours, constantly looking over their own shoulders in silence, wondering if they were being followed. After a few counties, they realised they weren't, but it didn't lessen the tension in the battered old Honda they were driving.

'I was.' Dean admitted, focused on the road ahead, the cats eyes catching the headlights from the car and making the dark road look like a runway. 'You knew that.'

'Why did you change your mind?'

'I almost didn't.'

Sam didn't say anything for a while longer. They stopped for gas and grabbed some food from the store, eating as they went. Dean resumed driving in silence, and some hours later, Sam spoke again.

'What are we gonna do, Dean?'

Dean shrugged lazily. He was tired, but they weren't far out from Bobby's now and he didn't want to waste any more time bedding down in a motel for the night. 'I don't know, Sammy.'

'Are we going to go and get James back?'

'No.'

Sam's jaw tightened, but he looked away, knowing it wasn't worth pushing the subject. If James was safe for the time being, there was no need to get him. He just hoped he was okay. Sitting in the front seat, he felt twelve again, his brother's angry presence reminding him of their father. Except John never let him sit in the front.

'I owe you an apology.' Dean said quietly.

'No, man, you don't.'

'Let me just say this, Sam. I don't know if it's being a big brother or what, but to me, you've always been this snot-nosed kid that I've had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that's not you any more. I mean, hell, if you're grown-up enough to find faith in me…the least I can do is return the favour. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way.' Dean kept his eyes on the road the whole time he spoke, not looking at his brother, but the sincerity in his voice was steady and his little brother believed him.

Sam smiled down at his hands, nodding. 'Sounds good.'

* * *

James stared out the window of the guest room that Lisa had given to him. He watched Ben playing on his bike with his friends in the street, and he wondered if he should go and play too. Ben was older than him, but he was nice to him, had shown him his computer games and his toys. The other boy had asked about why he was living here now, and James had simply replied that his uncles couldn't look after him any more. Ben seemed to know who Dean was and thought he was cool.

Lisa was a nice lady. She was a good mom, and she'd gone and gotten stuff for James to make him comfortable in her house. Shortly after his Uncle Dean had left, she'd sat down with him and told him he would taking her last name, and she was going to speak to some people to make it official that he live with her, and that he had to tell people his name was James Braeden, her cousin's orphaned son, so he would be safe.

He didn't understand that. He was a Winchester. He knew he was proud to be a Winchester. But he also knew that being a Winchester got you killed, like his mom.

There were things James understood with perfect clarity. He understood his dad was an angel, and couldn't be with them all the time. He understood that monsters were bad. He understood that he had killed the bad man in the motel in self-defence, and that he wasn't a killer. He'd understood why his Uncle Dean needed him to stay here and stay safe. He also understood that his mom was dead, and she wouldn't be coming back.

He didn't like understanding that one.

But there were other things that James didn't understand. He didn't understand why he couldn't see the star his dad had given him for his birthday any more. He didn't understand why he had seen a horrible face on the girl in Blue Earth, or why he'd known he could kill her when no one else could. He didn't understand why, in his dreams, his mom told him she would come home when he knew she wouldn't. He didn't understand why he knew that Ben would fall off his bike on Monday and cut up his knee bad, and that Lisa would have to take him to go get stitches.

He did understand that he couldn't tell Lisa that, or she'd freak out.

Uncle Sammy had explained to him once, that he'd been called a freak, able to do things no one could explain. That it didn't make him a freak, just different.

James felt like a freak.

He felt like a freak when the other kids asked where he'd come from. He felt like a freak when he had to tell them his mom died and he had nowhere to live. He felt like a freak when Lisa took him to the local school and asked to enrol him, explaining he'd been home-schooled. He felt like a freak when they'd told him his placement tests were well above average and he needed to start a year ahead.

He felt like a freak when he realised Uncle Dean had taken his gun.

He felt like a freak when Lisa told him off for pouring salt underneath the doors, and even more so when he'd tried to explain why. He'd felt like a freak when he'd given up and started crying, wanting his mom.

It had been a week since Uncle Dean drove off in the 'Pala.

And James wondered if he'd feel like a freak who didn't understand anything for the rest of his life.

* * *

**April 2010, Sioux Falls**

It had been three weeks.

Bobby's house was quiet. Too quiet.

He sat in his chair in the study, looking down at the cars and tracks James had left there, feeling hot tears prick at his eyes. None of them had called Lisa. None of them dared. If they called, the call could be traced, and that could put James in danger.

It was too quiet.

Both boys were out on a case, checking up on reports of Pestilence. After the events at Elysian Fields hotel, and the DVD Gabriel had given them, the boys were hot on the trail of the third horseman, wanting his ring. They worked alone, and often sullenly, checking in with Bobby every now and then. They just called, saying they had a lead from a demon by the name of Crowley, which made Bobby very uncomfortable.

He didn't know why these boys kept working with demons.

Wheeling his chair through to the kitchen, he caught a glimpse of the pink rubber gloves by the sink, and a crack started in his heart. They hadn't even had time to grieve Alex, no body to bury or burn, nothing. And now, according to the boys, Michael was parading around in their sister's skin, using her as a vessel because Dean wouldn't say yes.

Bobby wasn't sure which one would have been worse.

It hadn't helped when Sam had called him, as Dean and Crowley had gone to retrieve and informant, and the younger Winchester had come up with the fantastic plan to say yes to the devil and try to get him to jump into the cage. Bobby honestly thought these boys were trying to send him to an early grave.

The phone rang, and he wheeled over to it, picking it up before the caller rang off. 'Hello?' He rolled his eyes as Rufus answered. 'Goddammit Rufus, what now?' With the phone in one hand, he moved his chair over to the fridge, grabbing a beer before heading back into the study. '

Yea, I followed up. Nasty omens, but none of it's death with a capital "d." Well, just give me a ring if it turns into anything. And, Rufus...You watch your ass out there.' He hung up, reaching for his gun on instinct.

'Chin up. Cavalry's arrived.'

He span the chair, cocking the gun, seeing a smartly dressed man stood in the kitchen door way, who grinned at him.

'Charming. That won't work on me. Name's Crowley. Maybe you've...'

Bobby looked a bit shocked. 'You're Crowley?'

'In the flesh -of a moderately successful Literary Agent out of New York.' He tipped his head, and Bobby fired the gun, shooting a hole through the breast-pocket of the suit. A small trickle of blood came out and Crowley smiled. 'Aah! I see you have heard of me.' He paused, dabbing at the wound with a red handkerchief. 'I liked this suit.'

'What are you doing here?' Bobby demanded.

'Looking out for Crowley.'

* * *

Sam turned the knife over in his hand, staring at the cleaned silver blade, with the carvings on it. He'd often wondered how this damn thing worked, had suggested to Dean that they find out one day, but Dean had simply shrugged and replied with "if it works, it works, don't need to know how". But Sam wanted to know if they could make more. It was on his to-do list.

They'd gotten the location of Pestilence, and were driving back to Bobby's. The last month had been hell on them, both of the brothers feeling the loss of half of their family keenly. Michael hadn't shown his face and they had no idea how James was doing at all. Castiel was MIA, and they couldn't be sure if he was dead or alive after the banishment. All they knew was that they had a plan, and getting the horseman rings was the key.

But Sam had faced a piece of history and words had been said that played on his mind.

_Ever wonder why we were so in your blind spot? Maybe it's because we got the same stuff in our veins and, deep down, you know you're just like us. Maybe that sweet little nephew of yours is too. Maybe he'll follow in your_ footsteps.

Sam was all too aware of the genetic legacy they'd stolen from him and given to James. It was with him every day. Even now, he worried. And he couldn't stop. He supposed neither he nor Dean would ever stop worrying about him. His mother wasn't there to have the luxury any more, and they didn't even know about his father.

He'd gotten so involved in his inner musings, he didn't even notice when Dean rolled the Impala to a stop outside Bobby's house, climbing out of the car without saying a word. Sam followed, climbing into the house, knowing he had to tell Dean his plan. And knowing his brother would most likely object. Dean headed straight for the kitchen and Sam followed. He cleared his throat, lingering by the door.

'What?' Dean asked, standing straight as he grabbed a beer from the kitchen.

'I need to tell you something.'

'What?' His brother narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

Sam took a breath, not sure how to start. 'I kinda...I had an idea. About Lucifer.' Dean folded one arm under the other, flicking the cap off of the beer with hand and holding it by the neck, watching his little brother. The taller man shifted uncomfortably. 'I, uh, I think we can get him to jump into the cage. When we've got the rings.'

'How?'

'I say yes.' Dean stared at him, and Sam ran a hand through his hair. 'I mean, Bobby fought the demon. He pushed him back, and managed it. I can do it, Dean. I can say yes and fight him from the inside.' He paused. 'It might be our only shot.' Silence stretched across the kitchen. Dean didn't say anything.

Then he slammed his beer down on the side, liquid spraying from the top as he did so, and he rounded on Sam.

'What the hell is wrong with you?'

'Dean -' Sam closed his eyes as Bobby wheeled up behind him.

'...no, don't "Dean" me. I mean, you - you have had some stupid ideas in the past, But this -' Dean pointed a finger at Bobby. 'Did you know about this?'

Bobby glared at him. 'What?'

'About Sam's genius plan to cram the devil down his throat.' Bobby nodded and Dean scowled. 'Well, thanks for the heads up!'

The old hunter held his hands up, his chair moving backwards a little as he removed his grip from the wheels. 'Hey, this ain't about me.'

'You can't do this.' The elder Winchester turned back to his brother and Sam shrugged.

'That's the consensus.' He admitted. He wasn't going to do it without everyone agreeing.

Dean jerked his head forward, pulling his jacket up. 'All right. Awesome. Then, end of discussion.' His phone began to ring in his pocket and he fished it out. 'This isn't over. Hello?'

_/Dean?/_

The hunter paused, disbelief in his voice. 'Cas?' Sam and Bobby were immediately at attention as Dean spoke the angel's name.

'Is he okay?' Sam asked, and Dean waved him off.

'We all thought you were Dead. Where the hell are you, man?'

_/A hospital./_

'Are you okay?'

_/No./_

Dean rolled his eyes. 'You want to elaborate?'

Castiel sighed across the line. _/I just woke up here. The doctors were fairly surprised. They thought I was brain-dead./_

'So, a hospital?'

_/Apparently, after Van Nuys, I suddenly appeared, bloody and unconscious, on a shrimping boat off Delacroix. I'm told it upset the sailors./_

Dean ran a hand through his hair, glad that the angel was okay. 'Uh, well, I got to tell you, man - You're just in time. We figured out a way to pop Satan's box.'

_/How?/_

'It's a long story, but, look -we're going after Pestilence now. So if you want to zap over here...' Cas cut him off suddenly.

_/I can't "zap" anywhere./_

'What do you mean?'

/_You could say my batteries are - are drained./_

Dean looked up, his eyes clashing with his brother's and Sam stared back, concerned. He couldn't quite catch the conversation, but could hear the tone the angel was using. He sounded...resigned. 'What do you mean? You're out of angel mojo?' Sam's eyebrows moved together in a worried frown.

_/I'm saying that I am thirsty and my head aches. I have a bug bite that itches no matter how much I scratch it, and I'm saying that I'm just incredibly.../_

'Human.' Dean leaned back against the kitchen table, feeling Bobby and Sam's gaze on him. 'Wow. Sorry.' And he was.

_/Well, my point is - I can't go anywhere without money for...an airplane ride. And food. And more pain medication, ideally./ _His quiet hiss came across the line, and Dean wondered how it felt to actually _feel_ physical pain after being practically invincible for so long.

'All right. Well, look, no worries. I have...' He swallowed hard. 'Alex...she left some money...I...I'll wire you some.'

_/Dean...wait...what I saw in the warehouse.../_

'Cas...' The hunter didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to say it out loud. He just wanted to try and forget that his sister was being used as a puppet by an archangel.

_/Michael...you said no...he has Alex doesn't he?/ _Dean didn't say anything, and Cas waited a few moments. _/Dean...I'm sorry./_

He couldn't listen to it. Sam moved closer, taking the phone from him, and walking away. 'Hey, Cas, yeah man, sorry. Look I'll get some money sent over okay? You just get back here.' A pause, but Dean wasn't really listening. His hands hung at his sides as he shut his eyes and tried to ignore the grief inside him. 'Yeah, okay. See you soon.' Dean heard the click of the phone shutting, but he still didn't look up. Sam watched him for a moment, then looked to Bobby who shrugged. 'Cas said there's something in the room Al...she used. Something we'd wanna see.' His brother didn't reply, and Sam sighed heavily before turning away.

'You okay, boy?' Bobby asked and Dean shook his head.

'I was supposed to protect her.' He muttered, covering his eyes with one hand. 'I let her down. I've let Sammy down. I've...I've let everyone down, Bobby.'

'Don't talk like that.' The old man snapped, wheeling forward. 'You've not let anyone down.' Sam's footsteps echoed down the stairs, and Dean looked up, reinstating his composure as his brother came back into the kitchen, and Bobby knew he wouldn't show that weakness again. Dean Winchester was not a man to break easily - not any more.

Sam was holding a bunch of envelopes in his hand, and he was staring at them with trepidation. 'Cas said...Alex used to write.' He said his sister's name with so much overloaded grief it hurt to hear. 'There's...there's one here for each of us.' He pulled the one with his name on it out, putting the rest on the table. Dean's eyes looked at the scattered letters. There was one for Bobby, one for Cas, one for James, and one for him, Alex's typically messy handwriting displayed their names on the stark white envelopes. Bobby stared down at them, then reached out and took his. He offered Dean's up to him, but the elder Winchester didn't take it.

'I don't...' Dean shook his head. 'I can't.'

Bobby looked up at him, then thrust the envelope at him, and Dean grabbed it. 'Just read it. If she told Cas about it, then she wanted us to read them.' He wheeled off, leaving Dean alone in the kitchen.

* * *

_Sammy,_

_How'd you end up so tall? I always wondered that. You're freakishly huge. Never mind. I guess I didn't quite know how to start this. I've been doing this every week now, since you and Dean came and found me. Even though that wasn't the intention then, I'm glad it was you two who broke in. I'm glad you found me. Being a family again was terrifying at first but I'm glad. Because if you're reading this, then Cas did what I asked. He never asked what I was writing, and I only told him that whatever happened, if I was gone, you guys had to have these._

_I don't know what's gonna happen. Considering I've been asleep for the last seven days, and boy, let me tell you, that was not restful. But hey, I'm awake now. All okay._

_You're strong Sammy. You can fight this. Just remember that as tough as Dean likes to look, he's a bit old softy and he needs you to keep a look out. Always got each other's backs. And make sure he doesn't teach James too many bad habits. I know we joke but seriously, one Dean Winchester in the world is more than enough. Don't let James be mean. Teach him to be kind. You've always been kind._

_My kind gigantor little brother._

_I love you, Sammy. Don't ever forget that. I never ran away from you._

_Alex xxx_

* * *

_Bobby,_

_Those idjits are gonna get in some trouble, you know that right? _

_I hope you can keep them in line. You've always been like a dad to us. You are James' grandpa. Teach him how to fix cars, and how to read all those language I know you pretend you're no good at. Make sure his uncles stay on the straight and narrow. Make sure they come home often. You've given us a home, Bobby, don't ever forget that._

_I don't know what else to say here._

_Except, sometimes I wish you'd been our real dad instead of John._

_I don't know. That's stupid right?_

_Alex xxx_

* * *

_Dean,_

_I know you're blaming yourself. Please don't. You've never let me down. Not once. You are the best big brother in the world. But you let yourself believe you can do all this stuff and you need to remember that you're only human._

_I can't say much else._

_I know you'll look after James. You don't know how to do anything else._

_Don't be mean to Cas._

_Love you, big brother._

_Alex xxx_

* * *

The unopened envelopes on the table taunted him, and he wondered what she'd written for Cas and James. He reached out, picking up the one with the angel's name on, holding it and turning it over. Then he placed it in his pocket, picking up the one for James and stuffing his own in his jeans pocket. Striding into the study, he dropped James' letter on the desk.

'Mail it to him.' He said to Bobby, who was sat with a tumbler of whiskey in his hand, his own letter on the table. Dean didn't look at it. He knew Alex kept his short, and he imagined she'd done that with the others too. She'd never been one for long goodbyes. Hell, when she'd left them so long ago, she'd never said goodbye at all.

Maybe because she knew if John didn't stop her, Dean would.

He wished he had this time.

* * *

Michael watched through Alex's eyes, remaining unseen to those around him. He flexed Alex's arms, felt the strength in his vessel. She wasn't his true vessel, but he wasn't going to go after Dean again. Alex wouldn't burn up, wouldn't be used up by his presence. Her bloodline was enough, and the fact that he didn't have to even twitch his pinky to fight her still lingering soul was a bonus. She couldn't fight against him, couldn't eject him and she knew it. Knew it enough to be scratching away and screaming uselessly.

Especially now.

James was sat in the playground, alone on a bench, watching the other children play. His sullen face took each and everyone of his peers in, but he made no move to join them. A teacher briefly came over and encouraged him, but he ignored her and the woman quit fairly quickly. He may have to be James _Braeden_ but he wasn't going to ever be normal.

Alex knew this, and fought against the knowledge. Michael knew the boy would be a hunter, no matter what his uncle tried to do for him. He was meant for the life, just as the Winchesters had always been.

The archangel smirked, and flexed his wings, removing himself from the children's playground. James turned as he left, a shocked look on his face, the remaining echo of his mom's presence burning into him. 'Mom?' He whispered.

But his mom was gone. He knew that.

* * *

Cas sat on the bus, wincing at every jolt of the ancient vehicle on the tarmac. He ached more than he'd ever ached in his long eternity, and there was a pain in his chest that he knew wasn't caused by his physical injuries. He closed his eyes as the bus took a corner, resting his head against the cool window. It was getting late, and he'd be there soon, and he hoped soon enough. Even though he had no powers, he knew that he had to try at least, for her memory, to help her brothers. Bobby had given him the address they were heading to, the fight with Pestilence probably well under way.

He couldn't let the Winchester brothers die. Not how he'd let Alex go.

The bus screeched to a halt, and he climbed off, along with a handful of other passengers. Looking around the station, he took off in the direction of the hospital, his legs screaming at him to stop and breathe but he couldn't let his limitations slow him down. When he got the hospital, his lungs were on fire and every ache he'd hated so far was hating him more, and he had to stop at the gates to try and regain his breath. He gave it five seconds, then launched himself towards the door.

Navigating the corridors was easy, as it usually was where it came to Sam and Dean - follow the bodies. He heard a mocking voice coming from behind a door, and slammed himself through it, not even thinking about his next move. When he skidded to a halt in the middle of the brothers, who were laying on the floor, Dean puking blood, his hand trapped under Pestilence's foot, he looked up and felt nausea swirling in his stomach.

Dean murmured his name, and the horseman looked at him oddly.

'How'd you get here?'

'I took a bus.' Cas breathed out. 'Don't worry, I -' The overwhelming urge to vomit hit him and he went down on one knee, clutching at his stomach as whatever he had been infected with combined with his injuries, resulting in crippling pain and agony. He blinked away the tears, coughing up bile, trying to focus as Pestilence mocked him.

'Well, look at that. An occupied vessel, but powerless. Oh, that's fascinating. There's not a speck of angel in you, is there?'

Cas inhaled deeply, and with every ounce of strength left in him, he pushed forward, sweeping Sam's knife from the floor in one fluid move. He tackled Pestilence, slicing the blade through the horseman's hand without thinking. Pestilence cried out as Cas looked up at him, no expression on his face.

'Maybe just a speck.' He spat. The horseman backed away, clutching his bloodied hand.

'It doesn't matter.' He smiled. 'It's too late.' And he was gone.

Castiel stood, staring at the empty spot where Pestilence had been, feeling the severed digit in his hand. Dean and Sam came up behind him, the effects of Pestilence's power wearing off. Dean looked over at the weakened angel. 'Nice going.' He acknowledged. Cas nodded, pulling the ring off of the finger and holding it out to the hunter. Dean took it, inspecting it.

'So, we just need Death's now right?' Sam asked, and his brother nodded. 'We should head back to Bobby's.' He turned, heading out of the room. Dean made to follow, then hesitated.

'Cas...you coming?'

Cas pulled his eyes away from the floor, looking up at Dean, and nodded.

It wasn't like he had anywhere else to go.


	35. Chapter 35

The sun was setting over the yard when Cas found himself sat on the roof where Alex had spent a good portion of her time. He had one of her favourite beers beside him, and the letter Dean had given him, albeit begrudgingly held in his hand. He dangled his legs over the side of the roof, wondering where it had all gone wrong, where he'd lost his family. The worst part was knowing they were still out there somewhere; Alex being used as a vessel by his older brother, and James was with Lisa, _safe_. Where Alex would want him to be.

He hadn't opened the letter. He was too scared. Things had been so...changed between them. Even when he got close to her, he felt like she was slipping through his fingers; they weren't meant to be together. He was an angel (sort of now, anyway) and she was human, infected with an angel's grace, but still _human_. She would end. He would not.

Going on without her wasn't an option. He had thought once about the fact that he would have to watch her and James fade out of this world, and how it wouldn't be long enough because a human's lifespan was a speck of dust to an angel's eternity.

Dean had told him what had happened in the room, how Alex had sacrificed herself to keep James safe and it only made Cas angrier. Because they'd lied to her, so it would be easy. She didn't have to say yes, but if she went willingly enough, Michael would have his claws in deeper before she had the chance to fight. And Alex would fight, once she realised she'd been deceived.

Only it wouldn't be enough.

She was gone, occupied by an archangel and neither Cas nor James would ever see her again.

His fist tightened around the envelope and he hung his head, feeling hot tears fall down his cheeks. It was a strange and new sensation, somehow _freeing_, to cry. But he shouldn't. Dean and Sam hadn't cried, hadn't stopped to grieve. Although it made Cas slightly angry that they hadn't done so, he was also envious. The strength his friends had, to carry on in the face of everything they'd lost...

Being human was so very hard, and Castiel had no idea how to function with the gaping hole in his chest where his connection to his family had been.

'Damn you.' He whispered, his words meant for only one being. 'Damn you and everything I believed in.'

The envelope was still there, crumpled in his hand as he pulled his head back up and looked at it. Slowly he brought his other hand up, sliding a finger underneath the sticky seal, curiosity finally winning out as he pulled the paper inside free. It was a single page, folded in half and he took a few seconds to stare at it, breathing deeply as he moved his index finger in between the fold and flicked it backwards, revealing it's contents to him.

And he broke all over again.

* * *

'Cas?' Sam's voice rang out from the window, and he stuck his head out, looking at the roof where he'd seen Castiel heading earlier on in the evening. The angel wasn't there, but his beer bottle and the letter Alex had left for him sat abandoned on the rooftop. The letter was pinned beneath the bottle, and Sam pulled himself through the window, stepping out gingerly to grab at it, knowing he shouldn't look, but allowing his own nosiness to get the better of him. He picked it up and unfolded it, swallowing as he read the contents. 'Oh, Cas.' He whispered, looking around.

'She liked to climb.' The angel's voice ran out from behind him, and he turned, seeing Castiel sat on the higher roof, looking out at the stars. 'Ever since she was small, she wanted to climb, higher and higher.'

'I remember.' Sam smiled fondly. 'She was always up a tree, or on a roof. Dad hated it. Dean hated it too. He was never one for heights.'

'It was freedom for her.' Cas' face remained impassive as he stared. 'Now she's being forced to fly against her will.'

Sam glanced down at the letter and folded it again. 'It isn't your fault, Cas.'

'It is. I should have never...' He looked away. 'I should never have allowed her to love me.'

'You've met us right? Winchesters' don't tend to take the good advice.' The youngest sibling chuckled. 'We need you inside, plans to make.' The angel's eyes narrowed, and he shimmied down from the roof, landing with a thunk opposite Sam. The roof creaked, and Sam twitched, convinced the damn thing was gonna give way. He held out the letter to Castiel, who eyed it warily. 'It might be the last thing she ever said to you, spoken or not. Keep it. Use it.' Sam opened his coat to show the tip of his hanging out of his pocket. 'I am.'

Cas took the letter, folding it and placing it into his trench coat. 'We should go in.' He moved towards the window, climbing in, not checking if Sam was following. Down in the study, Bobby sat his desk, and Dean was on the sofa, his elbows resting on his knees.

'Well, it's nice to actually score a home run for once, ain't it?' Bobby said, pouring out a fifth of whiskey, Dean looking at him with a raised eyebrow. 'What?'

Sam entered the room. 'Last thing Pestilence said. "it's too late."'

Bobby rolled his eyes. 'He get specific?'

'No.' Sam shrugged.

'We're just a little freaked out that he might have left a bomb somewhere. So please tell us you have actual good news.' Dean waited and Bobby sunk his whiskey back.

'Chicago's about to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium. Sets off a daisy chain of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die.'

Dean made a noise and Cas tilted his head to the side, blue eyes peering at the wheelchair bound hunter. 'I don't understand your definition of good news.'

'Well...Death, the horseman - he's gonna be there. And if we can stop him before he kick-starts this storm, get his ring back -' Bobby left the sentence hanging and the eldest Winchester scoffed, reaching over for the bottle of whiskey. His hand was batted away by his father figure quickly, and he scowled.

'Yeah, you make it sound so easy.'

'Hell, I'm just trying to put a spin on it.'

Sam clenched his jaw thoughtfully. 'Well...Bobby, h-how'd you put all this together, anyways?'

'I had, you know...Help.' As if on cue, Crowley materialised by the door, a wide grin on his face. Cas glared at him, his disgust for the demon knowing no bounds.

'Don't be so modest. I barely helped at all. Hello, boys. Pleasure, et cetera. Go ahead. Tell them. There's no shame in it.'

All eyes turned to Bobby, who shifted uncomfortably in his chair. 'Bobby? Tell us what?'

'World's gonna end. Seems stupid to get all precious over one little...Soul.' He shrugged nonchalantly.

Dean's eyes bugged. 'You sold your soul?'

'Oh, more like pawned it. I fully intend to give it back.' The King Of The Crossroads waved his hand like it was nothing at all, Dean stood up, anger flaring off of him. He remembered his own deal all too well.

'Well, then give it back!'

'I will.' Crowley sounded sincere but they all knew how that could turn out. Dean saw red.

'Now!'

'Did you kiss him?' Sam asked, innocently disgusted by curious all the same. His brother looked at him with wide eyes, wondering how his brother could stop to that level of questioning. Cas watched from his position by the door, his eyes still on the demon. He didn't really care either way if Bobby had kissed the demon or not.

'Sam!'

'Just wondering.' The younger Winchester shrugged, his voice defensive.

'No!' Bobby said loudly as Crowley pulled his phone from his pocket, proudly displaying the photo of him and Bobby in a very reluctant liplock. Bobby hung his head, then looking up at the demon with exasperation. 'Why'd you take a picture?'

'Why do you have to use tongue?' Crowley shot back. Dean held up his hands in despair, stepping in between them.

'All right. You know what? I'm sick of this. Give him his soul back now.'

Crowley shook his head. 'I'm sorry. I can't.'

Dean's eyes narrowed, his brilliant green gaze on the demon. 'Can't or won't?'

'I won't, all right? It's insurance.'

'What are you talking about?'

A finger jabbed in his direction. 'You kill demons.' He turned his finger on Sam. 'Gigantor over there has a temper issue about it. But you won't kill me... As long as I have that soul in the deposit box.'

Bobby took his turn at glaring. 'You son of a bitch.' Crowley folded his arms smugly, looking at them.

'I'll return it. After all this is over, and I can walk safely away. Do we all understand each other?'

* * *

'I've heard a lot about you.'

Crowley's voice drifted over the porch to him, and Castiel scowled, not wanting to look at the demon. The black suited man strolled over, standing next to him.

'You're the sister's pet angel right?' Crowley smirked, and Cas continued to ignored him. 'Shame that, losing her to one of your big brothers. Such a looker as well.'

'Go away, Crowley.'

'Now, now. I'm only being...complimentary. Although I'm sure you're aware of her physical attributes.' The leer in the demon's voice made Cas' stomach curl and he continued to look away over the yard. Dean and Sam were collecting their weapons together, and he had feel more than useless as he'd watched, so he'd come outside to wait for them. 'But I suppose they're Michael's physical attributes now.' Cas' jaw clenched. 'And that little boy of yours. He's going to be a powerful one.'

_That_ made Cas turn, and the threat in his blue eyes was clear. 'You stay away from James.'

'Oh we will, we will. For now. But you've got to understand, that boy's a precious commodity. The warrior boy, the chosen. And to think, he might not have existed at all without you around.'

'I am not discussing this with you.'

'Don't you want to know about the mark on her soul...and yours?' Crowley teased, and Cas turned away.

'I don't have a soul. I'm an angel.'

'For now. And of course you have a soul. After all, you can't _love_ without a soul.' The demon's words were grating on him. 'I _know_ souls, Castiel, it's my job to know them. And you've got one alright. Had one the moment you poured your grace into the bittiest Winchester and created life with her.' He chuckled. 'Funny how it damned you both in the end. She's not going to get to heaven when Michael's through with her - she's headed straight to the pit.'

Cas' head whipped around. 'That's not true.'

Crowley chucked again, and Cas had to resist the urge to punch him. 'Oh, but it is. She may have gone to heaven last time, but then she willing signed herself over to the apocalypse. And she's going to be indirectly responsible for the slaughter of millions if Rocky and Bullwinkle don't pull this off.' He held his arms out. 'Her soul won't go to the heaven she was destined to share with you, Castiel.'

'What?' The angel's voice was barely a whisper. 'I - I don't...'

'No, you don't do you.' Crowley shifted a little. 'You know, for all the bad rap us demons get, you angels are far worse. I mean, you lie, you cheat, you scheme, and because _God_ created you, you think you're better. But you're just as twisted as us. They _lied_ to you, Castiel. You and Alex Winchester were the great love story of the time. And now it's all gone to pot because your girl thought she knew better. Because _you_ thought you knew better.' He shrugged. 'Not that it matters to me. A soul is a soul. I'm sure she'll make a lovely demon.'

Cas launched himself towards Crowley, who disappeared and reappeared behind him. The angel crashed to the ground, turning his head to scowl. 'You're lying.'

'Am I?' He wiggled his eyebrows and disappeared altogether.

* * *

Cas sat in the back of the van, listening to the hunters run over their game plan. He believed this to be a foolish endeavour, but standing side by side with the Winchesters was what Alex would have wanted, and it was his duty to be here and to _try, _no matter how useless he felt. Sam seemed so confident, and Bobby was practically ecstatic since Crowley had returned the use of his legs. But he couldn't feel anything but despair, and there was piece of paper in his pocket that was burning into him like a hot poker.

Sam said something, and Cas looked up, a quizzical look on his face. He hadn't been keeping up with the conversation, too lost in his maudlin thoughts.

'Cas? I asked what you thought?'

He stared at Sam for a moment before replying. '"Yes" to Lucifer. Then jump in the hole. It's an interesting plan.'

Bobby made a sarcastic noise. 'That's a word for it.'

'So? Go ahead and tell me it's the worst plan you ever heard.' Sam huffed, and Cas tilted his head to side, unsure of what to say.

'Of course. I am happy to say that if that's what you want to hear. But it's not what I think.'

'Really?' The younger Winchester brother seemed surprised. Cas didn't think it was a brilliant plan, but he knew there was very, _very_ long shot it could work. Provided that the boys knew exactly what they were getting into.

'You and Dean have a habit of exceeding my expectations. He resisted Michael.' Cas' voice broke a little on that, wishing resisting Michael had been so easy for all of them. 'Maybe you could resist Lucifer but there are things that you would need to know.'

'Like?'

'Michael has a vessel now.' The angel took a breath. 'Sam, if you say yes to Lucifer and then fail...this fight will happen. You will have to fight your sister. One or both of you will be destroyed. The collateral will be immense.' _And both of you will go to hell when the archangels' are done with you. _'There's also the demon blood.'

Sam blinked at that, a panicked look on his face. 'What? What are you talking about?'

'To take in Lucifer, it would be more than you've ever drunk.' They obviously hadn't thought of this.

'But...Why?'

'It strengthens the vessel. Keeps it from exploding.'

'But the guy he's in now -' Sam was staring at him now, dismay on his face. Cas nodded, confirming the hunter's train of thought.

'He's drinking gallons.'

'And how is that not the worst plan you ever heard?' Bobby interjected, his voice laced with sarcasm. Cas shrugged, unwilling to continue talking. He shifted backwards, leaning against the side of the van and stared out of the rear window, his thoughts drifting away as Sam and Bobby talked. He didn't see Sam's eyes land on him through the rear-view mirror, or the concern hidden there.

* * *

One would say that Death didn't look like the sort of man you'd even blink at on the street. He looked like a regular guy, older, dressed in black. Maybe not completely regular, given the undertaker attire, but that was to be expected. Certainly put to bed the theory of robs and skeletal fingers. But then he should have expected that, what with having met the other horsemen.

But normal looking guys didn't talk about reaping God. Like it was paying your taxes or something.

'Well, this is way above my pay grade.' He tried not to stutter, god did he _try._ But this? This was beyond freaky. And the guy was giving him the major creeps.

Death gave a small, wry smile, which just creeped Dean out even more. 'Just a bit.'

Dean swallowed hard. 'So, then why am I still breathing, sitting here with you? Uh...w-what do you want?'

'The leash around my neck - off. Lucifer has me bound to him. Some unseemly little spell. He has me where he wants, when he wants. That's why I couldn't go to you. I had to wait for you to catch up. He made me his weapon. Hurricanes, floods, raising the dead. I'm more powerful than you can process, and I'm enslaved to a bratty child with a temper tantrum.' The amount of disdain in Death's voice did not go unnoticed and it made the ice currently coating Dean's spine increase. Death was pissed; that could _never_ be a good thing.

'And you think...I can unbind you?' He said slowly, and the Grim Reaper fixed him with a look that made the temperature in the room drop.

'There's your ridiculous bravado again. Of course you can't. But you can help me take the bullets out of Lucifer's gun. I understand you want this.' He held up his hand, his ring plainly obvious on his finger. With his other hand, he took another bite of the pizza pie in front of him. Dean nodded.

'Yeah.'

'I'm inclined to give it to you.'

Dean stared, unsure if he'd heard correctly. 'To give it to me?'

'That's what I said.' Death clearly thought Dean was a bit simple.

'But what about...' The hunter gestured to the world outside the pizza parlour, where gales were blowing and the storm was gathering. Death raised an eyebrow, thinking for a moment.

'Chicago?' He shrugged a little. 'I suppose it can stay. I like the pizza. There are conditions.'

'Okay. Like?' Dean waited, and Death put down his fork, wiping his chin with a napkin gingerly.

'You have to do whatever it takes to put Lucifer in his cell.'

Dean nodded; that was the general plan anyway. 'Of course.'

'Whatever it takes.' There was an edge to Death's voice that made him want to bolt, if it wasn't for that fact that his senses had been screaming at him to run as fast as his legs could carry him since he'd set foot in this pizza parlour.

'That's the plan.'

'No.' The word was spoken abruptly. 'No plan. Not yet. Your siblings. They're the ones involved here.'

Dean scowled. 'What, you think -'

Death nodded. 'I know. So, I need a promise. You're going to let your brother jump right into that fiery pit, regardless of what else happens.'

'Okay, yeah. Yes.'

'That had better be "yes," Dean. You know you can't cheat death. No one can.' He smiled, pulling the ring off of his finger. 'Now, would you like the instruction manual?' He held the ring out and Dean nodded hesitantly, trying to keep his hand steady as he listened to Death's instructions and took the ring. When he was finally dismissed, it took every ounce of strength he had to walk from the building and not run like a child terrified of the boogeyman. He wasn't sure what had made him think he could actually kill Death, but he knew he wouldn't be rushing to try it again any time since.

What he'd said played on his mind as well. _Regardless of what else happens._ It didn't sound like the friendliest warning in the world. And he was already apprehensive enough about their plan, and he still thought it was damn stupid. But Sam thought it could work and he was trying, _trying_ so damn hard to have faith. Because with everything they'd lost, without faith, what did they have left?

As he climbed back into the Impala, noticing that Crowley had well and truly vacated the building, he paused for a moment before starting the engine, his foot running over something on the floor. Dean frowned, leaning forward, reaching a hand down to grope around in the footwell, his fingers closing around something small and metallic. Pulling it back up to eye level, he stilled, a lump forming in his throat as he let the object rest in his open palm.

He remembered the character's name. Lightening McQueen. The hero. He was James' favourite.

They'd watched that film so many damn times. Dean could probably recite half of it. But he'd loved to sit and watch it with his nephew, his little head tucked underneath his shoulder, the excitement in him when it got to the big race at the end. Even when James had become more actively involved in the hunting, he'd still loved his Cars.

Unbidden, tears formed in his eyes, and Dean blinked them away, closing his fist around the toy, swallowing away the lump in his throat, trying to _not_ focus on the images of the little boy he'd had to leave behind. Or the mom he'd lost.

Or the family that were about to get themselves killed to try and stop this.

He pocketed the car, trying to pocket the memories with it. Starting the engine, he slipped a cassette into the tape player, turned it up loud and drove out of Chicago with the sounds of Metallica burning away the unwanted pain in his stomach.

* * *

Sam sat on the hood of the Impala where it was parked in Bobby's yard. The sun was high in the sky, and he was thinking over everything that had happened. Sam wasn't stupid; he knew this was a suicide mission. He just needed to make sure Dean was aware of that, to make sure that he was going to be okay. He knew he wasn't coming back from this.

Footsteps crunched in the dirt behind him, and he turned, lifting a beer out of the old green cooler on the floor. He tossed it towards his brother, who caught it deftly and smiled tightly as he leant against the car, facing away from Sam. He twisted the cap off and took a swig.

'I'm in.' Dean said, his tone resigned. Sam looked at him, studying his profile. He'd been waiting for the inevitable denial, the refusal to participate, the insistence on finding another plan, even though they had no time left.

'In with...?' Sam queried, wanting to hear it for definite.

'The whole "up with Satan" thing. I'm on board.'

Sam nodded, dropping his head down as he looked into the neck of his beer. 'You're gonna let me say yes?'

Dean shook his head. 'No. That's the thing. It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown - well, overgrown - man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play.'

'That's the last thing I thought you'd ever say.' His older brother smirked at him, shrugging one shoulder and taking another swig of his drink.

'Might be. I'm not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fibre I got. I mean, truth is... You know, watching out for you...for Alex... it's kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it's... it's kinda who I am. You're not a kid any more, Sam, and I can't keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don't know if we got a snowball's chance. But... But I do know that if anybody can do it... it's you.'

'Thank you.' Sam replied quietly, feeling a tightness in his chest. Dean _had_ always looked after them, and now they were both going to be gone. And he knew his brother was going to blame himself all the way to hell and back for whatever happened. 'Do...do you think...do you think she'll get through this? If we can do it, do you think he'll let her go?'

Dean's jaw tightened. 'He said she was dead already.'

'But...but there's gotta be a chance right?'

His older brother drank from the bottle again, not replying as he looked into the distance, spying Cas stood on the edge of Alex's roofspace again and he felt hopelessness blossom in his chest.

He didn't know what to say.

* * *

Cas had finally given in on the journey to Detroit and fallen asleep in the back. Dean hadn't put any music on, not feeling in the mood for it. The drive was silent, and Sam was as tense as him. Everything in his gut was telling him this was going to go badly, and Bobby had been right. He was more terrified of losing his brother than anything. They'd already lost Alex, with no solution to getting her back. He'd given up James and if he was honest, he was ready to give up completely if this was it. If Sam was gone, he had nothing left to give. James would be safe; he knew Bobby would keep an eye on him.

They were all going to die at some point right?

He glanced over at Cas, who looked so peaceful, so _human_, that it made him smile a little.

'Aw, ain't he a little angel.' He quipped and Sam glanced back, raising an eyebrow.

'Angels don't sleep.'

'Cas does. He's slept before.' Dean replied, sighing heavily. 'I got a bad feeling about this.'

'Well, you'd be nuts to have a good feeling about it.' Sam mumbled, trying not to think about the containers of demon blood in the trunk, or the fact that he had to drink it.

'You know what I mean. Detroit. He always said he'd jump your bones in Detroit.'

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean's crude phrasing and looked out the window. 'Here we are.'

'Maybe this is him rolling out the red carpet, you know? Maybe he knows something that we don't.'

'Dean, I'm sure he knows a buttload we don't. We just got to hope he doesn't know about the rings. Hey, um... on the subject, there's something I got to talk to you about.' His brother took a breath and Dean eyed him carefully for a second, before looking back to the road.

'What?'

'This thing goes our way and I...Triple Lindy into that box... y-you know I'm not coming back.' Sam watched the expressions filter over his brother's face until the solemn mask slipped back into place and Dean nodded briefly.

'Yeah, I'm aware.'

Sam exhaled. 'So you got to promise me something.'

'Okay. Yeah. Anything.'

'You got to promise not to try to bring me back.'

Dean glared over at him. 'What? No, I didn't sign up for that.'

'Dean -' Sam tried to interrupt, but his brother wasn't done.

'Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like Graceland. You want me just to sit by and do nothing? I've already had to do that with one sibling, Sammy, and I ain't doing it again.'

'Once the Cage is shut, you can't go poking at it, Dean. It's too risky.'

'No, no, no, no, no. As if I'm just gonna let you rot in there.' The car was picking up speed a little now, Dean's foot becoming heavy under the weight of what Sam was saying.

The younger Winchester turned slightly, so he was facing his brother properly. 'Yeah, you are. You don't have a choice.'

'You can't ask me to do this.' Dean's voice was weaker now, and Sam felt sickness in his stomach for asking him to do this.

'I'm sorry, Dean. You have to.'

'So then what am I supposed to do?'

Sam turned back to the road. 'You go find Lisa. You raise James. Give him what we took away. Barbecues, football games. A _home_. You go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean. Promise me.' He didn't look at his brother as they sat in silence, the road slipping away underneath them as they passed the "Welcome To Detroit" sign. A soft breath escaped Dean's throat and he scrubbed one hand over his face. Sam looked down at his hands, his brow knit together in a frown. 'If you don't do it for you, Dean, at least do it for Alex. Protect James.'

Dean didn't reply.

Sam hated that.


	36. Chapter 36

_Sam was gone._

_Alex was gone._

_What the hell did he have left?_

* * *

Sam felt like he was already in a cage. It was claustrophobic inside his own skin, the cold tendrils of Lucifer's presence making him feel like he was made of ice. He watched the devil flex his body, testing his own limitations. Looking into the mirror showed him his own body, like he was watching on a television. Lucifer grinned using his mouth, and Sam clawed harder at his captor.

'Sam. Come on. I can feel you... scratching away in there. Look... I'll take the gag off, okay? You got me all wrong, kiddo. I'm not the bad guy here.' His own voice sounded so foreign and detached, and the anger only increased.

'I'm gonna rip you apart from the inside out. Do you understand me?' Sam screamed.

'Such anger... Young Skywalker.' Lucifer chuckled. 'Who are you really angry with? Me? Or that face in the mirror?'

'I'm sure this is all a big joke to you, huh?'

Lucifer held his hands out. 'Not at all. I've been waiting for you... for a long, long time. Come on, Sam. You have to admit - you can feel it, right?'

'What?' The devil wanted him to cooperate. But all Sam felt was sickness, rage and a serious hatred for the archangel wearing him. Lucifer seemed to relish in his rage, but Sam couldn't hold it back this time. He couldn't sense the other being's thoughts, which he was surprised by, but he could _feel_ his emotions and smugness didn't even cover what radiated towards him.

'The exhilaration. And you know why that is? Because we're two halves made whole. M.F.E.O. Literally.'

If he'd been in control of his own body, Sam probably would have puked. 'This feels pretty damn far from good.'

'I'm inside your grapefruit, Sam. You can't lie to me. I see it all - how odd you always felt, how... out of place in that... family of yours. Only one who ever made you feel right was big sis. And she's gone too. But would you like to know a secret?' Sam didn't reply, seeing his own reflection smirk back at him. 'I defeat my brother, and I can get your sister back. Expel Michael. She'll be whole again.'

'No, that's not true.'

'It is. And I know you know it. I let Dean live didn't I? I'll bring Alex back for you. She can be with her son again.' The devil leered. 'She can be with us.' Sam wanted to ignore him so badly. 'I was disappointed when Michael took her. I won't lie. I wanted her for myself. She's got so much...potential. And the power she could have, if I only got my hands on that grace inside her. I could mould her into something great.' He tilted his head to the side as Sam watched, feeling sicker and sicker with every word. 'And James - what a weapon he is. You always loved your family, Sam. I could bring them back to you.'

Sam didn't want to look, didn't want to see, but the devil _knew_ he couldn't escape. 'No. No. You leave them alone.'

'You'd rather she die? Be dragged into the pit?' Lucifer chuckled. 'I'll let you think it over.' He gestured to the five people stood in a circle behind him, the ones that had escaped Sam's notice until now.

'In the meantime, I have another gift for you.'

* * *

Cas was giving up. Dean knew that. All the fight had gone out of the angel, and he didn't know how to get it back into him. Bobby was researching furiously, trying to find _anything_, but Dean knew it was unlikely he'd get anywhere. He'd left them to it, watching the news reports of disasters around the world, and he'd taken off. He had one last idea, and he was going to do whatever it took.

So when he got the information he needed after calling Chuck, he'd started loading up the Impala, hoping to be on the road before Bobby or Cas noticed.

Luck wasn't with him.

'You going someplace?' Bobby's voice made him turn as he shut the trunk of the Impala, and he looked over sharply. 'You're going to do somethin' stupid. You got that look.' Castiel stood beside Bobby, his hands stuffed deeply in his trenchcoat pockets, and Dean shrugged.

'I'm gonna go talk to Sam.'

Bobby sighed. 'You just don't give up.'

'It's Sam!' Dean yelled, finally snapping. He marched around the side of the car, preparing to leave, when Cas' voice halted him.

'If you couldn't reach him here, you're certainly not gonna be able to on the battlefield.' Dean paused, looking back at Cas and suddenly _hating_ him for giving up. Dean knew he was losing, but he wouldn't give up until the bitter end. He'd learnt his lesson and lost his sister. He wouldn't leave his brother alone.

'Well, if we've already lost, I guess I got nothing to lose, right?'

'I just want you to understand - the only thing that you're gonna see out there is your sister killing your brother.'

'Well, then I'm gonna be there right with them.' Dean jutted his chin out defiantly, and Cas looked down, withdrawing his hand from his pocket, the letter Alex had left him clasped tightly in his fist. The angel stared at it, and Dean watched, wondering what he was gonna do. Then Cas looked up, a ghost of a smile on his face.

'Yes. We will.' He said, looking to Bobby. 'Because family doesn't end with blood.'

* * *

The cemetery was ahead of them, and Dean looked over to Cas and Bobby. 'So. This is it. See you on the other side?' Bobby nodded, slipping from the car. Cas paused briefly. 'You all right, Cas?'

'I am...apprehensive. I do not believe I can harm Alex, even if she is being used as a vessel.' He looked down at the bottle of holy oil in his hand. Dean reached over, slapping a hand on his shoulder.

'You know it won't hurt her. Not permanently. You gotta follow through with this Cas. We gotta do this.'

'I still do not believe this will achieve anything.' The angel replied, his eyes still on the bottle.

'Gotta try. One last ditch attempt.' Dean paused. 'You got your letter right?' Cas looked up, his blue eyes full of worry. 'I don't wanna know what's in it. Just focus on that.' He sighed. 'I am. Alex loved you, man. I hated it, but it was real, and she'd want you to fight with everything you got.' Cas nodded, straightening a little and following Bobby out of the car. Dean looked ahead, started the car again, and revved the engine, pulling up just inside the cemetery gates. He let the engine idle, giving Cas and Bobby time to slip around without being noticed. It would have been much easier to just zap about, but Cas had nothing to give on that front.

Dean smiled, reached down for a cassette, knowing just the song he wanted to listen to. He popped the tape into the car, pressing play, and smiling to the tune of Def Leppard as he put his foot on the gas, trundling further into the cemetery to pull up in front of his brother and sister, who stared at him. He turned the engine off and climbed out, putting one hand in his pocket, feeling the toy car still there. It bolstered him a little as he leaned on the Impala.

'Howdy boys.' He smiled. 'Sorry. Am I interrupting something?'

Both archangels gaped at him, and Michael rolled his sister's eyes in his direction. He was dressed in white, the same as he had been the last time Dean had seen him; it looked odd on his sister's body. The white summer dress, barefoot - it didn't seem like battle dress and it was something Alex never would have worn. And to him, it was just another violation.

He pointed at Sam, slamming the car door. 'Hey. We need to talk.'

Lucifer tilted his head, looking at Dean with exasperation. 'Dean. Even for you, this is a whole new mountain of stupid.'

'I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Sam.' Dean stepped forward.

'You're no longer the vessel, Dean. You got no right to be here.' Michael spat. Dean turned his gaze on his sister, sadly acknowledging her.

'Alex...I'm sorry. I love you okay?'

Michael sneered in response. 'She can't do anything for you Dean. She's done, remember? You made that choice.'

'You're next on my list then, buttercup. But right now, I need five minutes with him.' He looked back to Lucifer in his brother's meatsuit, dismissing the other archangel. Michael didn't take too kindly to this, storming forward.

'You little maggot. You are no longer a part of this story!'

'Hey! Assbutt!' Castiel's voice distracted all three of them, and they turned, Dean's confusion at his chosen curse clear on his face. Cas held the holy oil molotov aloft, and Dean waited, but he didn't throw it. Michael smirked, walking closer to the lower classed angel. Cas hesitated, his body frozen as Alex's form stood before him.

'You can't do it, can you? Can't hurt me. All because of the skin I'm wearing.'

Cas' arm dropped, and Dean's stomach followed. He hoped that Cas would be strong enough to do this, but it was clearly not the case. Michael got closer to Cas, and Dean took a breath. Lucifer looked back to him. 'You thought that would work?' He mocked, and Dean's jaw tightened. His hand was still in his pocket, and he pulled it out, holding the car in his hand.

'Michael.' He called out, and the archangel turned to him. Dean launched the car, and it bounced off of Michael's forehead. The archangel didn't even blink, but he looked down at the small metallic toy car in the grass. Bending to pick it up, he frowned, inspected it in his hand.

'This...this is a toy.' His eyes widened. 'James.' He mouthed as a whisper, and then fell backwards, his free hand clutching at his forehead. Cas pushed forward, grabbing his older brother, the connection making him cry out as the grace he'd given to Alex reconnected with his own. Michael screamed, and Cas let go, both of them collapsing to the floor.

Lucifer practically growled, his gaze full of fury as he looked down at Castiel. 'What did you do?' Cas was on his hands and knees, clutching at his stomach, struggling to get to his feet. 'You insolent...no one dicks with Michael but me.' Lucifer spat, holding up a hand as Cas finally stood straight, both hands up in surrender.

The devil clicked his fingers and Cas exploded.

'No!' Dean yelled, but it was too late. Blood and entrails covered the grass where Cas had stood, and Michael was out cold on the floor, blood staining the white dress he'd put Alex in. Bobby stared in horror, blood dripping off of his coat. Lucifer smiled and turned back to Dean.

'Sammy? Can you hear me?' The eldest Winchester asked, hope in his voice. The devil smiled at him, coming closer.

'You know, I tried to be nice. For Sammy's sake. But you are such a pain in my ass.' He grabbed Dean by the lapels of his jacket and threw him onto the wind-shield of the Impala, the impact of Dean's head causing the glass to shatter. At that moment, Bobby raised his shotgun, shooting Lucifer in the back. The devil turned, a decidedly evil glint in his eyes as he twisted his hand in Bobby's direction. Bobby's neck snapped and he fell to the ground dead.

'Nooo!' Dean screamed, but Lucifer turned back, smiling.

'Yes.' He grabbed Dean's legs and pulled him off the hood, holding him against the side of the car as he landed a brutal punch to the hunter's face. The hit split Dean's cheek and he winced, his hands clasping Lucifer's wrists as he looked up into his brother's face.

'Sammy? Are you in there?'

Lucifer grinned. 'Oh, he's in here, all right. And he's gonna feel the snap of your bones.' He punched Dean again, knocking him to the ground. 'Every single one.' He reached down, pulling Dean back up. 'We're gonna take our time.' He landed blow after blow on the Winchester's face, watching in satisfaction as Dean turned black and blue under his fists. One eye swelled shut, and Dean feebly reached out, gripping the devil's jacket.

'Sam, it's okay.' His breathing was rattled and blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth. 'It's okay. I'm here. Alex is here. I'm not leaving either of you.' Lucifer punched him again, twice, but Dean pulled his head back up. 'I'm not gonna leave you.' The devil drew back his fist for another punch, and paused, catching his reflection in the mirror, and the reflection of his sister, stood behind him.

Alex's hand closed over his fist, and he reeled back, dropping Dean like a stone. 'Sammy.' She whispered, and the devil withdrew. Sam collapsed forward, breathing hard, as Dean watched in confusion. Sam looked up, gasping, his sister smiling at him, her hand still on his, maintaining contact between them. She looked over at Dean, who tilted his bloodied face.

'It's okay, Dean.' Sam said, gasping for air. 'It's gonna be okay. I've got him.' He reached inside his coat with his free hand, pulling out the horseman's rings that Lucifer had taken from the room in Detroit. His eyes met Alex's and he knew that she was still here with him, but knowing the truth.

They both had to fall. To stop the archangels, they both had to fall.

He threw the rings to the ground a few feet away, reaching out with his hand, the other moving to intertwine his fingers with Alex's. '_Bvtmon tabges babalon.' _The ground opened up, sucking in air to reveal the door to the cage. Dean struggled to sit up, the wind whipping around him as he watched his siblings.

'You know it has to end this way, Sammy.' Alex said, and Sam turned, pulling her into a hug. She buried her face in his jacket, feeling the archangel inside her fighting back. 'We have to go now.' She whispered, and he was barely able to hear her over the swirling portal at their feet. He nodded, pulling her tighter, tipping them towards the abyss.

Dean could only watch as the ground swallowed them up.

* * *

He didn't know how long he knelt in the grass, staring at the spot his brother and sister had been in; where they'd fallen into Hell. Bobby's corpse lay a few metres away from him, and he hurt enough to die. Everything was gone. He didn't know what else to do now.

Maybe it had been years and he was already dead.

The fluttering of wings behind him went unnoticed, until he saw the dress shoes stood near him. He looked up, shocked to see Castiel stood before him, whole and alive.

'Cas?' Dean whispered. 'You're alive?'

'I'm better than that.' The angel replied grimly, reaching out to touch two fingers to Dean's forehead, healing him instantly. Dean reeled a little, confused, angry somehow that his injuries had been taken away. He didn't want to saved; he didn't want to be _anything_. Watching impassively as Cas walked over to Bobby, resurrecting him, his jaw set, his anger boiling away beneath the surface.

'How are you here?'

'I believe God resurrected me.' The angel replied, as Bobby sat up gasping. Dean climbed to his feet.

'God?' The hunter mumbled, his eyes drifting back to the horsemen's rings he'd left on the floor. He bent, picking them up, feeling the warm still coursing through them. Castiel came to stand beside him, his blue gaze on the rings in Dean's hand. 'God's on my hit list.'

'You are angry.' The angel stated, and Dean looked up.

'Aren't you?' He spat and Cas just _stood_ there, impassive, unemotional. 'She's in _Hell_, Cas. _Hell._ Her and Sammy. Forever.' Cas looked away, still not showing anything.

'Alex knew what she was doing. So did Sam.'

'Bullshit.' Dean said, turning away. 'That's bullshit.'

'I cannot change what has happened, Dean.' The angel said, slowly. 'But I can...adjust some perspectives.' He stepped forward, reaching out to Dean again, the same fingers that had healed him going to his temple. Dean's head span, and he stumbled back a little, as Cas smiled. 'Take care of him, Dean. He's yours now.'

And he was gone.

Dean blinked, looking over at Bobby. 'What the hell?' Bobby shrugged.

'Don't look at me. I was dead.' The aged hunter shook himself out. 'What are we gonna do now?' He looked over at the Impala. 'What are you gonna do now?'

Dean didn't say anything for a long minute, then sighed.

'I'm gonna keep a promise.'

* * *

Saying goodbye to Bobby was hard.

Saying goodbye to the life wasn't so bad, he supposed.

It was horrible, the lead weight in his stomach, the feeling of knowing that his siblings were in Hell, in a cage with two archangels who were probably pissed as hell at them. But he'd promised. He wouldn't poke at the cage, and as hard as it was, he was going to obey that vow. His other promise was more important.

_You go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean. Promise me. _

_I know you'll look after James. You don't know how to do anything else._

Cas had done something to him back in that cemetery. Given him the memories the angel had watched. He'd seen the whole of James' life before him and Sam had crashed into it. It was like he'd _been_ there. And Cas wasn't coming back. He wanted what Alex and Sam had wanted. He wanted to keep James out of this life.

Dean had to hope he wouldn't let them down.

Pulling up to Lisa's house in the Impala again was head spinning. Ben was out the front on his bike, smiling and laughing. James sat a little further away with Lisa, colouring by the looks of it. The engine noise caught the young boy's attention and he looked up, his eyes going wide as he saw the car. Before Lisa could stop him, he was up and running towards the vehicle, and Dean sighed, opening the door. He climbed out and shut it, turning just as James barrelled into him, Lisa jogging to catch up.

'Dean?' She asked quietly. He looked over at her, trying so hard not to let the tears fall, not to let the grief overwhelm him.

'Uncle Dean?' James' tiny voice made him look down, and he fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around his nephew. He held him tightly, so goddamned relieved to see him again, to touch him, to know he was okay. 'Uncle Dean?' James mumbled again, and Dean pulled away, his hands coming up to frame the boy's face. 'Where...where's Uncle Sammy?'

Dean shut his eyes briefly, biting his lip and Lisa brought a hand up to cover her mouth. 'Oh, Dean.' She whispered.

'He's gone with Mom, hasn't he?' James said, tears gathering in his eyes. All his uncle could do was nod. 'What about Dad?' Dean pushed one hand back, running it through James' short blonde hair. It had grown out in the weeks since he'd seen him. His skin was more tanned, and he could of sworn he was a couple inches taller.

'Your...your dad isn't coming back, kiddo.' He pulled him close. 'But I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not going anywhere.' James nodded, trying not to cry as his uncle stood, holding him close.

'Dean...let's go inside.' Lisa said, reaching out a hand to him. Dean nodded, continuing to hold the boy, who was clutching him so tightly, he didn't know if he'd ever pry him off. 'Come on.' Lisa urged, and the Winchesters' followed.

As they stepped inside the house, and Ben ran up to go inside, the door shut on the outside world.

Castiel watched from across the street, his heart heavy. He knew what he had to do. Giving James over to Dean was better for them both; Cas knew the promise the eldest Winchester had made, and he intended for him to keep it, and to keep his son safe.

In his hand, the crumpled letter twitched in the soft spring breeze, and he held it up, unfolding it to gaze at the words again. He had lied to Dean; he felt the grief of losing Alex deeply. He knew he could bring Sam back, but he didn't know if he had the power to pull Alex out too. And he would not darken Dean's doorstep.

If this small piece of paper was all he had left of her, he would hold it forever. Just reading those few words would keep him strong, keep him focused a keep him going.

_I love you._

It was all she'd written.

It was all he needed.

* * *

**Oh, I'm not done here, folks. I know this was a short chapter, but...I couldn't drag the angst out.**


	37. Chapter 37

**May 2010**

It was the middle of the night when he awoke, his eyes snapping open and the panic from his nightmare abating. The door to the bedroom opened, and he sat up, looking over to see Lisa still asleep on her side, one arm folded underneath her head. He wished he could sleep that peacefully.

'Uncle Dean?' Little feet padded up to the bed, and without speaking, Dean pulled back the covers and the boy slid in beside him, cuddling up into his chest and clinging to his t-shirt. It had been like this for about three weeks, ever since he'd gotten back, and every night he woke up sweating, panicking, back in the cemetery, and every night, James came in and climbed into bed with him.

Dean wasn't sure which of them was getting more comfort from this.

Lisa was getting annoyed with it. She understood that James was still little, and that both of them had suffered too much, but she was always getting disturbed by James coming in. Luckily she'd had a couple glasses of wine the night before, so tonight wouldn't be one of those nights. And Dean didn't particularly care if she got annoyed with it - it was his job to protect James, and if protecting him from nightmares was the only thing he had to do, then that was what he'd do.

They were lucky no demons had come knocking.

But Dean knew it would happen eventually.

For now, they lived the apple-pie life, the life that was wanted for them. James went to school, Dean went to a nice, normal job welding. He made friends, they went to barbecues, James had sleepovers and everyone bought the lies they told. Since James had gotten here, they'd said he was related to Lisa, but now she'd told everyone that James was actually Dean's son, and he'd been here for protection. Everyone whispered about the mysterious Winchesters, and the Winchester mostly ignored it. The lie was easy enough - James looked so much like his uncle that they passed for father and son anywhere.

'Is he okay?' Lisa's voice startled him, and James' little hands gripped his t-shirt even more. Shit, maybe the wine hadn't knocked her out as much as he thought.

'Yeah. Just another nightmare.'

'Another one?' She leant upwards, concern on her face. 'Dean, have you ever thought about getting him some...you know, professional help?'

Dean didn't want to look at her, didn't want her to see the resentment in his eyes, because she'd been so good to them, taking them in, looking after James for so long, but mentioning that, even _suggesting_ that... 'There's no such thing in our life. He couldn't tell anyone the things he's seen, Lisa.'

She seemed to accept this answer for now, and turned over. Dean stared at the wall opposite the bed, his hand combing gently through James' hair as the boy laid restlessly next to him. After a few moment, he stood up, keeping James in his arms as he turned away from the bed.

'Where are you going?'

'I don't wanna disturb you if he has another one. I'll take him back into his room, okay?' He didn't wait for an answer, and didn't tell her that he wouldn't come back.

The morning came with no more sleep for Dean. When he heard Lisa's alarm go off, he gently roused his sleeping nephew, who yawned widely and rubbed his eyes, looking around and realising he was in his own bed, and that his uncle had stayed with him all night.

'Uncle Dean?'

'Sorry, kiddo. Lisa needed some sleep and I didn't wanna wake her.'

'Does this mean I can't sleep in with you any more?' James asked, sitting up in his bed. Dean shook his head.

'I'll just come sleep in here with you okay?' He smiled reassuringly and the boy nodded, climbing out of the bed, leaving Dean to disentangle himself from the Lightening McQueen sheets. James rushed out of the room, sliding into the bathroom before Ben, who yelled with good humour and waved at Dean. Lisa appeared at the bedroom door, a quizzical look on her face. 'You okay?' She asked as Dean pulled himself from the small single. He nodded, running a hand through his hair.

'Didn't wanna disturb you.' He explained, stretching as he stood. Lisa smiled gently and walked further into the room, slipping her arms around his waist.

'I'm sorry for what I said last night.' She said. 'I know that there's not really anything we could do.' Her head turned as she looked over at the bedroom door, and she lowered her voice. 'He's adjusted pretty well, considering.' Dean nodded distractedly, allowing himself to enjoy the warmth of Lisa's body against his. She reached up on tip toes to plant a kiss on his lips and he smiled, pulling her closer.

'That's gross.' Ben said, leaning against the doorframe and the adults separated, looking guilty.

'Shouldn't you be getting ready for school?' Lisa asked, one hand on her hip. Ben shrugged.

'I will when pint-size is out the bathroom.' He said, and Dean chuckled. Ben had taken to James quicker than even Lisa had, treating him like the little brother he'd never had. 'Do you want me to walk him to school today?' The boy asked, folding his arms, and Lisa shook her head.

'No. Dean needs to take him in. It's parent-teacher day isn't it?'

Dean cursed under his breath. He'd forgotten all about it. Lisa had taken care of the initial settling in period, and James was doing okay at school. But since he'd taken up the role of "Dad", it was his job to deal with the school stuff. And he hated it, but knew it was necessary. He smiled tightly. 'Yeah, it is. I got the day off from the site.'

'It'll be good for both of you to spend a day together.' She said. 'Take him to the park or something. He can't spend his whole life in his bedroom.'

'No, I know.' Dean muttered, kissing her on the forehead. 'I'll get something in for dinner tonight, how's that sound?'

'Ooo, can we have chinese food?' Ben asked excitedly, as the bathroom door opened behind him. 'Please?' He darted past James, who was still yawning as he came back into his bedroom. Lisa let out a little laugh and Dean shrugged.

'Chinese food sounds pretty awesome to me.' He said, moving away from Lisa and to the chest of drawers. He busied himself pulling out clothes for James, who watched with sleepy eyes. Lisa ruffled his hair as she walked past, and James smiled up at her.

'What do you want for breakfast, champ? Cereal okay?' James nodded and she smiled back, leaving Dean to get James ready for school.

'Did you brush your teeth?' Dean asked, handing James some clean pants and a t-shirt. James nodded, holding the clothes gingerly. They were ones Lisa had brought for him, and he liked them, he did, but he missed the ones his mom picked out. Dean noticed him just standing there and frowned. 'What's wrong?'

'Can I wear the plaid one today?' He asked, and Dean looked back down to the open drawer, dragging the shirt out. It was the one he'd been wearing when his uncle had first brought him here, and his hand reached out to touch it, noticing the blood stain on the collar. He'd been wearing this when he'd killed the demon girl in Blue Earth. 'I like that one.'

Dean pulled the shirt out, wondering why Lisa had bothered to put it back in the drawer. It had been washed, but even Dean knew that bloodstains didn't come out easily. It was a barely noticeable stain, on the corner of the collar, but he knew it was there, and couldn't risk sending James to school in a shirt that had blood on it. 'Not today, buddy.'

James' face fell and he nodded slowly. 'Okay.'

'Get dressed yeah? I'll see you downstairs.' Dean laid a hand on the boy's shoulder quickly, before moving through the house into his and Lisa's room to get dressed himself. He pulled out a pair of jeans and a plain button-down, running a hand through his messy hair. After a quick stop in the bathroom to brush his teeth and relieve himself, he joined the rest of the family downstairs, watching Ben and James discuss cartoons over their cereal. James was still into a lot of the kiddy cartoons, and Ben was trying to get him into better things, but Dean didn't understand half of the crap they talked about, and brief eye contact with Lisa indicated that she didn't have a clue either.

'You know that Batman is so much cooler than Wolverine right?'

'Wolverine has claws.' James pointed out, the only way a five-year-old could. Ben rolled his eyes at the juvenile argument.

'Yeah but Batman is like, a regular guy, and he became a hero.'

'Uncle Dean is a hero.' Dean choked on his coffee, frowning up at James. 'He was just like Batman.'

Ben looked over at Dean sceptically. 'I know that, but Dean doesn't wear a cape.'

'He'd look awesome in one though.'

Lisa was giggling at this point, and Dean just stared, wondering where this conversation was going to go. Ben shook his head. 'Dean would look like a giant dork in a cape. Only Batman and Superman can pull off the caped look.'

'What about Magneto?' James asked, running a single Cheerio round his bowl, not looking up at the other boy, who tilted his head, considering the point.

'Magneto isn't a hero though. He's the bad guy.'

James nodded, still staring into his bowl. Dean watched the boy's blue eyes mist over a little. 'I don't like bad guys.' He said quietly, and Dean put his coffee cup down, deciding he didn't like where this conversation was going. He stood from the stool, walking around the counter to Lisa, who handed him James' Cars backpack with a sympathetic smile.

'You'd better get a move on.' She said. 'His lunch is in there. Hopefully he'll actually eat it today.' The comment didn't go unnoticed and Dean smiled tightly, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. 'I'll see you this afternoon?' He nodded, turning and hoisting James off of his seat.

'Let's get going, kiddo.'

'Uncle Dean?' James slipped his hand into Dean's. 'Can we drive the 'Pala to school today?' Dean paused, looking down at him.

'Nah, we're gonna take the truck.'

'I don't like the truck.'

'Baby is out of commission, James. You know that.' Dean's tone indicated that it was the end of the topic and James sighed sadly. He missed the car, and Dean did too, but the reminder of sitting in her would be too much, too many empty seats. And he wasn't sure he could handle that today. As they left the house, James didn't speak again and Dean picked him up, lifting him into the passenger seat of the truck and securing his seat belt.

'Dean?'

'Yeah, kiddo?'

'Will you ever drive Baby again?' His nephew didn't look at him as he asked, and Dean sighed, leaning down to kiss the top of the boy's head.

'Maybe one day.'

* * *

'I don't know if you're aware of this, Mr Winchester, but James is an exceptionally bright boy. He's ahead of most of his classmates, which is surprising since we started him a year ahead of where he should be.' The woman teacher droned on, and Dean was trying to listen, but his eyes were scanning over the paperwork in front of him, describing James' schoolwork and behaviour. He was an exceptional student, if a little quiet, and Dean smiled a little, wondering how much of it came from Sammy. 'Have you considered aptitude testing? He may be better off in a special school for those who are exceptionally gifted.'

'A special school?' Dean looked up sharply.

'They do scholarships now. He's got enormous potential.'

'Why would he need a special school?'

The teacher suddenly realised that most of what he'd said had gone unheard. 'A boy in James' position, can often feel like a social outcast. We know he was homeschooled by his mother and yourself, and he has adjusted incredibly well considering what has...er...happened.' Dean tried not to scoff. _You mean, the lies we told you, that you swallowed hook, line and sinker?_ 'But he doesn't seem to be making many friends here. There are one or two children he has associated with, but he spends a lot of his time writing and reading.'

'Takes after Sammy.' Dean said without thinking, and upon the quizzical look, he shrugged. 'My brother. He went to Stanford.' He let the pride seep through his tone, because dammit, he had been proud of Sam. Maybe the road he'd taken hadn't been the one that lead to success, but Dean would always be proud of his little brother.

'Does your brother have any input in the family life?'

'He's dead.' Dean replied bluntly, and the woman paled.

'Oh. There has been a lot of loss, hasn't there?' The former hunter's face was closed off, but the teacher didn't take any hint from that. 'Has he been...seeing anyone? A grief counsellor perhaps?'

'No.' Dean sighed. _What's he supposed to tell them? I'm five and I've killed creatures, watched my mom and uncles fight demons and monsters, oh and this one time I accidentally killed a guy who shot my mom dead, and then she got possessed by some douchebag archangel? By the way, she's in Hell now._ 'We work through it as a family. James knows that if he needs to talk, he can talk to me.'

'I don't mean any offence by this, Mr Winchester, but sometimes we think children know that but in reality they don't want to talk to their parents.' The woman's face was a mask of sympathy and Dean wanted to punch her. He clenched his fists under the desk, his eyes drifting over to the window. The kids were all in the playground, and James was sitting on top of the jungle gym, just watching the other children play.

_I'm not his dad._ Dean wanted to say. _His dad took off. I'm just his uncle. Just a genetic donor. I have no clue what I'm doing._ 'James does. He talks to me about everything. He doesn't need a counsellor.'

The woman nodded, suddenly understanding that the subject wasn't being well received. 'Maybe you could enrol him in some after school projects. Extra-curricular activities can do wonders for children who have the talents James has.'

Dean nodded, very much done with this meeting. He looked down at the papers. 'So he's a straight A student, heading straight for Yale or whatever?'

The teacher frowned, her eyes clearly searching his face for any sign that Dean knew what he was talking about. He was the first to admit he didn't have the smarts his siblings had, but he wasn't stupid, and he knew that James was incredibly intelligent. If Dean could keep him safe, he knew the boy would go far. Keep him out of the life, away from the demons and the damn angels.

He stood, offering his hand to the woman, who accepted it, rising from behind her desk. She was still staring at him, analysing the similarities between the two. She assumed James' mother had the same vivid blue eyes that the boy had, because Dean Winchester's eyes were a striking shade of green. 'Oh, one more thing. The children are doing a project, on their family trees. It is due to be handed in next week. Due to the...delicate nature of what has happened with your...erm...family, we thought it best to make you aware. James doesn't have to do it if it upsets him.'

Dean levelled her with a look, and she shuddered a little under the intensity of his gaze. Whoever James' mother had been, she was one lucky woman if this handsome specimen had been hers. She could see James being the same type of man when he grew up. 'No. He'll do the project. I'll help him with it.'

'Oh. Good. We'll be sending the worksheets home with them this afternoon.'

* * *

He drove around for hours after the meeting with James' teacher, just waiting for school to finish. Normally on weekdays he would be at work, able to distract himself with mindless tasks, keeping his thoughts simple and away from anything too stressful. But today he couldn't keep his mind off of Alex and Sam. He was blaming himself, he knew that, and the only thing keeping him sane in this mundane life was James. He had to protect him, keep him safe, away from the hell they'd lived through for nearly thirty years. The boy never mentioned hunting, barely talked about it, but he talked about his mom.

Dean remembered the things Cas had stuck in his head. He remembered watching Alex struggle through sleepless nights, endless diaper changes. He remembered watching her be so happy when James said his first word, took his first steps. It broke him sometimes, having these memories, only watching and never being a part of it. Half of it was the fact that Dean hadn't been there himself; the rest of it was the fact he could sense how proud and happy Cas had been, but he could only _watch_.

The last memory was the one playing on his mind then. Cas had been watching that whole night. He'd watched the demon break the protection on the house, but he hadn't done anything, because he knew the boys were out the front in the Impala, about to make their move. And the angel had done the next best thing; he'd taken up post in James' room; watching, waiting. If anything got past the Winchesters', he would have been there.

How the angel hadn't seen his own dedication astounded him.

How Dean hadn't seen how much his sister and nephew were loved astounded him more.

His phone went off, and he flicked it open, reading the text. It was from Bobby, a simple _hope you're okay_. He hadn't spoken to the aged hunter in a while, mainly because if Bobby so much as made a hint that there was a hunt needing doing, Dean couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't go. The feeling of not being out there, hunting things, saving people...goddamn the _family business._ He _had_ a family now, one that he needed to protect.

He fired off a reply, promising to himself that he would take James over to see his grandpa at some point. James missed the old man, Dean knew that, but he also knew that he had to keep James away from that life, and Bobby was unfortunately included in it.

The clock mocked him. He had another half hour before James would get out of school. And he'd driven around the town six or seven times. He made one more pass, then headed back to the school, pulling the truck up to the kerb. He turned the engine off and sank into his seat, watching the entrance.

He'd just wait there.

* * *

'You've seen him right? He's living with Lisa.'

The whispers weren't so much whispers as Dean stood in the playground, surrounded by what seemed like thousands of soccer moms. And he was the hot topic of conversation. He didn't pick James up much for this reason.

'She's one lucky gal. He's hot.'

'Yeah, but he's got that kid as well don't forget. The one she took in.'

'He's not so bad. My Dylan just says he's quiet. Smart though.'

'Isn't he a year ahead or something?'

'Wonder if Mr Smokin' Hot has the same brains.'

'He doesn't look the type.'

Dean rolled his eyes, folding his arms and wishing the school bell would ring, _right now_.

'I heard he's ex-FBI. That the boy was sent here to keep him safe from the mob or something. And that was what got the mom killed.'

'Considering how quick he's moved on to Lisa, he must be some kinda jerk.'

'I heard that he's not even really the kid's dad.'

'Seriously? Have you seen James Winchester? He's the spitting image. No way they aren't related.'

'And the eyes? Amelia told me she thinks they're the bluest blue to ever blue. She's seven!'

The school bell _finally_ rang, and Dean's shoulder sagged. His jaw was clenched so tightly, that he thought he might break his teeth. When James appeared in the doorway, dragging his Cars backpack behind him, he whistled loudly, and every woman in the school yard looked at him. James looked up, a bright smile breaking across his face. _I'll give you something to fucking gossip about._ Dean thought as he held out his arms. As if on cue, the boy took off into a run, launching himself at his uncle and burying his face in his neck.

'Hey, kiddo.' He said, practically feeling the "awwwww's" coming from the moms around him. 'How was school?'

'We've got a project to do, Dad.' James smiled, playing his part perfectly. As weird as it was to hear his nephew call him dad, he always felt a small amount of pride in it. The fact that for all intents and purposes, this boy _was_ his.

'So I heard.' He grinned, standing straight, ignoring the swooning mothers and taking James' hand. 'How about ice cream?'

The two Winchesters headed for the gate, and Dean grinned as he heard one last whisper.

_'He could be a serial killer for all I care; just look at that ass!'_

* * *

'You wouldn't believe what I overheard in the supermarket today.' Lisa said, lowering herself down onto the couch beside Dean. Both Ben and James were in bed, and the adults were relaxing with a glass of wine, or rather, a fifth of whiskey for Dean. He raised an eyebrow as she settled into the crook of his shoulder, resting her forehead against his chin.

'What's that?'

'Some very interesting rumours about you.'

'Yeah, I heard a few as well.' He muttered, sinking the whiskey back with a grimace. 'Some of the soccer moms at the school were "speculating".'

'So you've heard the one about you being ex-FBI? That James is in witness protection?' Lisa chuckled, reaching forward to pick up her wine glass. Dean harrumphed in the back of his throat and she laughed harder. 'You know these people have nothing better to do right?' He nodded, and she sipped at her wine, one finger absently trailing a path up and down his leg. 'How did the meeting go?'

'Really well. For what I paid attention to.' He smirked and she tapped him lightly, replacing her glass on the table. 'No, the reports were all good. He's a straight A student. But he's always been smart. Got Sam's -' Dean winced, and Lisa stilled for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. He smiled tightly. 'He's really smart is all.'

'You can talk about them, you know.' Lisa said quietly. 'I don't mind.'

'I do.' He said gruffly. 'It's...it's too painful.' His hand came up to caress her arm. 'Maybe someday.'

'James talks about his mom all the time.' She said, laying her cheek to his chest. 'He misses her. I know you must miss her too.' Dean nodded, holding his breath, trying to contain the tsunami of emotion in his chest. He hadn't cried...not since that first day. He refused to cry. Showing weakness was not an option, even if Lisa thought it was healthy. He felt her shoulders relax and hoped she would drop the subject.

The television was on in front of them and he tried to focus on the crap film showing. An ad break started, a local advertisement for a summer fair reminding him of the date. 'Shit.' He swore lightly. Lisa sat up, concern on her face.

'What is it?'

'It's James' birthday in like, three weeks.' He rubbed a hand over his face. 'I forgot. I've never been good with birthdays.'

Lisa smiled. 'It's okay. We'll sort something. Maybe have a little party or something. Invite some of his friends?'

'From what I understand he doesn't have many.' Dean thought for a moment as Lisa relaxed back into the position she'd been in. He absently stroked over her hair, feeling his eyes drift shut. Another thing he couldn't get used to - regular sleep. He slept maybe three hours, always waking up after either he or James had a nightmare, and spending the rest of the night awake and staring at the ceiling. 'Maybe we could just have a little family thing. Your mom and sister liked James.'

'Yeah.' Lisa yawned. 'Mom said he was a little angel.'

Dean tried not to tense at that. He really tried.

* * *

**June 2010**

James' birthday was a quiet affair, just Lisa's parents popping in. Bobby sent a package, containing all the toy cars that James had left at the house, and Dean had allowed him to call his grandpa for a while. It had made him happy to see James light up telling Bobby all about his school work and the other presents Lisa had gotten him. She'd bought paint for his bedroom, so they could changed it from looking like a guestroom to actually being his room. He'd also gotten a new games console from Dean, to replace the one that had been left behind, and Ben had supplied games. Lisa's parents had provided clothes and some other educational things, since they'd heard about his progress in school.

When it got to the evening, and Dean had gone up to check on the boys, he found Ben alone, playing on the games console in James' room. 'Where's James?'

Ben looked up, frowning. 'He went to the bathroom. But that was like, twenty minutes ago.' Dean tried to ignore the icy grip of panic that seized him. He'd stopped with the salt lines, and there were no devil's traps around the house any more, purely to stop Lisa freaking out. He turned, instructing Ben to stay put whilst he checked the upstairs rooms and found no sign. Heading back downstairs, Lisa was in the kitchen, putting away the cakes and sweets left over from the birthday celebrations. She looked up, frowning at Dean's panicked expression.

'What's wrong?'

'James isn't upstairs.' He said quickly, not looking at her as he ran from room to room, calling the boy.

'What?' She said, and Dean didn't reply as he threw the front door open, running out into the yard.

'James!' He yelled, feeling sick with worry. 'James!'

The cool night air mocked him, and he doubled over, his breath coming in short bursts as he felt the anxiety grip him hard. Lisa appeared next to him, rubbing a hand over his back. 'Dean, calm down, we'll find him.'

'No, no, you don't get it, he's...'

'He's up there.' Lisa said, distractedly. Dean was upright in a split second, following her gaze. Sure enough, on the first floor roof, sat with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring up at the sky, was James. Dean felt his knees go weak as he bolted back into the house, taking the stairs three at a time, not even registering Lisa shut and lock the front door. He was out on the roof in record time, pulling James to him and holding him tightly.

'Don't ever scare me like that again.'

'I'm sorry.' James whispered, and Dean pulled back, looking down into his nephew's bright blue eyes. 'I didn't mean to scare you.'

'Why are you out here?'

'Mom liked the roof. And I wanted to see the star. But it's gone. I can never see it any more.' James looked away, and Dean saw the tear tracks on his face, the paleness of his skin.

'The star?' He questioned and James shrugged, climbing into his uncle's lap.

'Cas gave me a star for my birthday last year.' The use of the angel's nickname made Dean's stomach drop. 'He said I'd always be able to find him or mom. But he lied.' James burrowed his face into Dean's shirt. 'He lied to me. And mom lied to me. Told me she'd come back.' Dean didn't quite know what to say, but James wasn't finished. 'I wish you were my real dad, Dean. Cos you've never left me or lied to me.'

_Oh I have, kiddo. I have. You just don't realise it._ He pulled his arms around the boy, leaning back against the wall as James dissolved into tears. He felt the salty moisture coating his shirt, and squeezed his own eyes shut. After long moments, James pulled away sniffling.

'You're not gonna leave me like them, right?'

Dean stared at him. 'Of course I'm not leaving you. But you know they didn't have a choice right?'

James shrugged. 'Doesn't matter. They still left.' His eyes narrowed. 'And _he_ had a choice. He left me to you, right? I know he's still out there. But he never answers my prayers.'

Something inside the older Winchester snapped, and he felt so bad for the child, and so _damn_ angry at Castiel. It was all well and good wanting his son to be safe, but not even _explaining_ it to him, and leaving it to Dean, who was usually useless at explaining anything, was something he might never forgive him for. He pulled James close to him again. 'Don't think like that, James.'

'Why not?' The boy replied, letting his uncle hug him. 'Why can't you be my dad? Why does it just have to be pretend at school?' The way he was talking, he sounded older than his six years, older than even Ben. Hell, he sounded older than Dean. 'Why can't it be that easy? I don't understand!' He started to cry again. Dean ran a hand through his nephew's hair, wishing along with him that it _was _that easy, that he could just snap his fingers and make the last two years of James' life something other than what it was.

But he couldn't. All he could do was tell him the truth.

'I don't know, kiddo. I don't know.'


	38. Chapter 38

**July 4th 2010**

'Come on, Dean, we're going to be late!' Lisa scolded, as Dean frantically looked for his jacket. He could have sworn he'd left it on the banister when he'd gotten in from work, but it wasn't there now, and after searching high and low, he still couldn't find it. 'It's July. You don't need your coat.'

'We're gonna miss the fireworks!' Ben moaned from the front door, his hand holding James' as the boy watched Dean look all over for his coat.

'It's not the coat, Lis, it's what's in it.' Dean grumbled, and she rolled her eyes.

'We'll find it when we get back. You've probably left it in the truck.' She said, picking up her car keys. 'Now come on, you'll be fine without it.' Dean paused, looking around the room once more, deciding with a heavy heart that he could make do without the coat. He trudged after the rest of the family, shutting the front door behind him. Lisa opened the car and the boys climbed into the back, James dutifully taking his spot on his booster seat. He hated the damn thing, and Dean never made him use it in the truck, but Lisa was insistent on safety in the car.

A car crash was the least of Dean's worries.

They drove through town quickly, seeing the rest of the families walking along, a lot of the kids holding sparklers and making noises of excitement. Dean could practically feel Ben vibrating in the back seat, but James kept his eyes focused out of the window, solemn until the end. Ever since his birthday, he'd been quieter, and no amount of coaxing would bring him out of his shell. He was still doing well at school, although he'd had one incident of fighting with a boy a few grades above him, who'd mocked his mom. Dean had done what was expected of him and punished James, grounding him for a week and taking away his games console, but secretly he'd been proud that the kid had floored a boy several years older and a damn sight heavier than him.

God forbid Lisa catch him praising him for it though.

She'd taken to making more of a fuss of James, encouraging him a bit more and Dean couldn't be more grateful for her help. There was no doubting James was damaged in some way; and what child wouldn't be after all he'd seen and suffered. He was still having nightmares, but more often than not, Dean would wait until Lisa was asleep, creep into the boy's room and sleep beside him, keeping the nightmares away. Once or twice, James had gone to Ben for comfort instead of him. Ben genuinely didn't seem to mind; in fact, Dean was astounded at the kindness he showed the younger boy. He'd given him his old bike, and was always getting him to come out and play.

But James was still suffering. Dean heard him praying at night, and at the start, he'd been begging for his father to pay attention, to come see him, _anything_. But lately his prayers had been full of hatred and blame. He didn't call him "Dad" any more. It was Castiel. Not even the familiar nickname they had all called him by.

More than once, Dean had tried to call the angel. But after not receiving any response, he'd given up, realising that Cas had meant what he said. James was his now, his responsibility. Cas wasn't coming back. Maybe it was that his resurrection had put him to default settings, or maybe it was too painful to see the boy that reminded him of his mother; although Dean didn't think it was that. He saw Alex in James' face every day and if anything it gave him comfort.

She was never truly gone as long as James lived on.

'Hey kiddo.' James looked over at him, raising his eyebrows in anticipation of the question. Dean smiled. 'You excited for the fireworks.' The boy nodded back, and returned to looking out of the window. Ben shook his head.

'You'll love it when you see them. You seen fireworks before?' James shook his head, and Ben practically squealed. 'Oh man. I love fireworks.'

'Pyro.' Dean muttered, earning himself a slap on the knee from Lisa, who smiled good naturedly. He grinned back, and unhooked his seatbelt as they pulled up into the car park of the community centre where the yearly fourth of July festival took place. He climbed out of the car as Lisa turned the engine off, and opened the back door for Ben to jump out. Lisa let James out his side, and his slipped his hand into hers as she offered it. The four of them made their way to the field. Ben's eyes lit up, and Dean had to hold his shoulder to prevent him running off when he saw the rides and stalls.

_Sammy, you'd have loved this. _The former hunter smiled wryly at his own thought, letting Ben go. Ben took off in the direction of his friends, who were gathered by the Ferris Wheel. Lisa shouted at him to stay close, but Dean knew there was no chance of that happening. He scanned the crowd, wondering if he should be worried about any imminent threats, his body tense, until James took his hand. The kid stood between them, looking around at the field and the hundreds of people and his fingers tightened around both their hands. Lisa shared a look with Dean.

'You wanna go check out some of the rides, kiddo?' Dean asked, and James shook his head. 'Okay. Well, I am in the mood for some food.'

'You're always in the mood for food,' Lisa joked, earning a small smile from James. 'But I spy a pie stand.'

'Pie. That sounds wholly American.' Dean bent down, picking James up. The boy didn't protest, and leant his head on Dean's shoulder, his hand looping around his shoulder to grip the lapel of his shirt. Lisa slipped around the other side, her arm hooking around Dean's waist, and they headed for the food stalls. James didn't speak, watching everything around him, his head moving to watch Ben with his friends. Dean caught the movement. 'What ya looking at?'

'Just keeping an eye on Ben.' The boy replied. 'It's dangerous.'

Dean frowned. 'Dangerous?'

'The boy he's with has firecrackers. Ben's gonna burn his hand.' The statement was so simply said that it took Dean a moment to pick up on it.

'I'm sure he'll be fine.' Lisa said, although the concern in her eyes belied her words. It wasn't the first time James had said something like this. 'Ben's sensible.'

'I know.' James replied. 'But that boy is stupid. He's gonna throw them.'

Dean stopped and turned, looking over at Ben with his friends. Lisa's grip on him tightened. 'Do you think we should call him back?' She asked, and Dean considered it for a moment. James sat up straight on his hip, a frown on his little face.

'I'm sure he'll be fine, Lis. James is just a worrier is all.' He smiled, turning back in the direction they were going. The boy's words were playing on his mind, even as James fell quiet again, returning to resting his head on Dean's shoulder. 'Let's get some food.'

They waited in queue for the pie stand, and Dean had to put James down whilst he paid for their food. He didn't move away from them, trying to keep physical contact with one of them at all times, his eyes cast down to the ground. When one of Dean's work friends came over, greeting them warmly, he hid behind Lisa's legs, trying not to be noticed.

'Hey, Dean, Lisa.' Sid was a tall man with a big grin, and he spotted James immediately. 'Oh, hey James.' He bent down. 'You excited for the fireworks.'

James tried to hide further, and Lisa reached around for his hand, bending down to him. 'Sweetie, what's wrong?'

'I'm worried about Ben.' The boy replied in a whisper.

'Ben's gonna be fine, honey. Don't worry so much.' She ran a hand down his cheek. Dean was chatting to Sid, and James looked back over his shoulder. 'Come on. Let's eat some pie and go have a look at the stalls. I bet Dean can win a prize for you.'

'Yeah, your dad could hit that easy. He's good at darts when we go to the bar.' Sid interjected, and Dean smirked.

'I reckon I could win you something.' He knelt down on one knee, on James' level. 'Come on. I bet you could hit them targets better than you could.' He remembered watching James practice with the gun Bobby had given him. If he had his way, toy stall targets would be the only thing he'd ever have to shoot again.

'Okay, Dad.' James replied, and Dean stood up. He looked over at Lisa, holding out the bag with the pie slices in it, and she took it, nodding. They bid farewell to Sid, and headed over to one of the stalls with the fake rifles.

'Oh, hey, look, James. They have remote controlled cars.' Lisa pointed out, and James followed her gaze to the stall. They did have remote control cars, but they were the sporty kind. He didn't really like the sporty cars.

'They're not as cool as Baby.' He said quietly and Dean sighed.

'Nope. But we'll try win one anyway.' He handed over some money to the stall guy and James climbed up onto a little stool, taking the oversized rifle in his hands. Dean did the same, aiming and firing quickly. He hit all the targets but one, and scowled at it. 'I'm outta practice.' He looked down at James. 'Your go.' James hefted the gun up, pointed it at the targets and fired. One by one the targets fell and Dean whooped triumphantly. 'That's my boy!' He grinned, and James returned the smile. He ruffled the kid's hair and took the toy car from the vendor, handing it over to James, who inspected it.

'I'll give this to Ben. It'll cheer him up.' James said, turning away, clutching his prize. Dean raised an eyebrow at Lisa, who shrugged.

An announcement came over the loud speakers that the fireworks were about to start, and the three followed the crowd down to the bottom of the field by the lake. They found a spot on the grass and sat down, Lisa leaning up against Dean as James settled himself in between the two of them, placing the car on the floor. Families surrounded them, and Dean looked over, giving Lisa a quick peck on the lips. The announcer started to rev up the crowds, and then the fireworks started.

James jumped at the first loud bang, and scooted closer to Dean, clutching his leg. The older Winchester put a hand on his shoulder to reassure him, but before long, James was engrossed in the colours, the noises not bothering him. Everyone "oooed" and "aahhhed" at the display, and kids ran in between them with sparklers.

Dean watched, remembering the fourth of July celebrations he used to try and do for his siblings. Sam loved fireworks. Alex liked burning things, which was no surprise, so she enjoyed lighting them more than the actual fireworks. He remembered that one time, the memory he'd revisited in Heaven, when they'd burned down the field. Dad had never let them do anything that remotely fun, and he always had a stern word to say when Dean had sneaked them off for fireworks somewhere.

When the display finished, he and Lisa stayed sat where they were, as James picked at the grass. 'This is nice.' Lisa said, smiling. Dean nodded, his hand making small circles on her back.

'Nice and normal.' Dean muttered, a faint grin on his lips.

A cry from behind them made them jump and both adults turned. James sighed heavily. 'Ms Braeden! Ms Braeden!' Lisa climbed to her feet, fear painted on her features. 'Ben hurt himself.' Dean's head snapped to James, who looked up at him with those haunting blue eyes, full of knowing.

'What happened?' Lisa demanded.

The kid that had called her skidded to halt, pointing back in the direction he'd come from. 'Billy Waters. He threw some firecrackers and Ben accidentally caught them. He's burned his hand.' Lisa glanced back at Dean, then took off running. Dean scooped James and the toy car up, following.

'How did you know?' He questioned James, who shrugged.

'I just did.'

That didn't answer any of Dean's questions. He frowned as he followed Lisa, wondering if this came from Sam, Alex or Cas. Sam had those freaky ESP visions years ago, a result of the demon blood, and James _did_ have demon blood in him. Which just concerned him all the more. But he had no time to investigate it now. He caught up with Lisa, who'd located Ben and was sat with him.

The boy was cradling his hand, sat just in front of where Billy Waters' mom was giving him the public dressing down of a lifetime. Lisa was checking Ben's hand, but from what Dean could see, it wasn't so bad. Sure, it was gonna hurt like a bitch, but he still had a hand, so that was a good thing. 'It hurts, mom. I didn't mean to catch it.'

'Ssshh, I know, sweetie. We'll get you home and get this dressed okay?'

'I missed the fireworks.' Ben sulked. James tapped Dean's shoulder, and Dean let him down. The six year old trotted over to Ben, holding out the toy car.

'I won this for you, Ben.'

Ben looked at the car, a watery smile on his face. Lisa smiled up at Dean. 'That's awesome, James. Can you look after it for me until we get home? My hand kinda hurts.'

'I'm sorry.' James said slowly, backing away. Ben's face fell.

'It wasn't your fault.' The other boy said. 'I shouldn't have tried to catch them.' He stopped cradling his hand, reaching out his uninjured appendage to grasp James' coat. 'You're the bestest little brother, ever, you know that?' Dean's breath hitched in his throat, as Lisa turned her face away, tears shining in her eyes. James smiled, a real genuine smile, and moved closer.

'You're an awesome brother too, Ben.' He whispered quietly.

Lisa pulled Ben up, looking back to Dean. 'I think we should get these boys home.'

'Good idea.' Dean said, picking James up once more. He ran a hand through the kid's hair. 'You okay, kiddo?'

'I'm fine, Dad.' Dean frowned. No one could exactly hear what he was saying, but it seemed calling him "Dad" had become a habit for the child. He lowered his voice, keeping his mouth close to James' ear.

'You know you don't always have to call me that, right? If it's weird for you.'

James pulled back, looking at him with sincere eyes, eyes that looked far too old to belong to a six year old. 'But you are.' He said, dropping his head back to Dean's shoulder. Dean's hand clasped the back of his head tightly, holding him close. Lisa watched them, her arm around Ben's shoulders. 'I don't care about him. You're my dad.' The words were so quiet, Dean wasn't even sure if he'd heard him right.

All the way home, he cursed Cas for doing this to his son.

* * *

The house was silent, and Lisa was sleeping peacefully next to him. He couldn't sleep. The whiskey hadn't helped, and he was restless. The night's events were playing on his mind; James' weird vision, and his quiet declaration that he considered Dean to be his dad. Maybe the latter he could deal with, but the visions were too much. Lisa had said it wasn't the first time James had said something and it had happened.

He knew he'd be listening to him in future.

It sucked that he had no one to talk to about this. Lisa _knew_ but she didn't want to acknowledge the weirdness that was his previous life. Ben remained ignorant, although when James had quietly admitted to him that he knew it was going to happen, the boy had told his mom that she should have listened to him. For everything weird going on, Ben trusted everything the younger boy said. The bandage wrapped around his hand just screamed that louder.

A creak sounded somewhere in the house, and Dean bolted upright. Lisa snorted in her sleep and rolled over, further away from him. He smiled at the cuteness of it, then slipped from the bed, wondering if he should grab his gun. Another creak echoed through the open bedroom door, and he pushed that thought away, moving slowly and quietly out of the room, glancing back to Lisa briefly.

Footsteps came down the hallway, and he followed the noise to Ben's room, carefully looking around the door frame. Ben was asleep in bed, his injured hand laid flat beside him. James was kneeling beside it, his hand reaching out to ghost over the injury. Dean watched, wondering what the hell the kid was doing in the middle of the night. James didn't touch the wound, he simply held his hand there.

'I can't take it away.' He whispered. 'They'll know if I do. But I can stop it hurting.'

A light emanated from his hand, and Dean swallowed hard, knowing he'd seen that before.

What the fuck else was James not telling him?

He leant forward a little bit, and the door frame groaned under his weight. James' head snapped round, and his eyes widened at the sight of the older man in the doorway.

'Dad.' He said, the light disappearing from his hand as he jumped to his feet. 'I-I wasn't.'

Dean held up a hand, placing one finger over his lips. James nodded, and Dean motioned for him to follow. They went to James' room and shut the door. Dean sank onto the boy's bed, looking around at the freshly decorated room. He had yellow walls and a red border around the edges, with Lightening McQueen on everything. James was completely obsessed with Cars.

How could a kid who was obsessed with a Disney movie be doing all these things?

'I'm sorry.' James whimpered, standing in front of him. Dean reached out, pulling him close.

'How long have you been able to do that?' He asked quietly.

'I don't know. Not long.'

'Anything else you can do besides that and seeing the future?'

'I don't see the future.' James insisted, pulling away. 'I just know things. I don't know how. And there isn't anything else.' He looked down at the floor. 'Castiel said I would be able to do things. Because I'm special.' Dean grimaced, his hand finding James' arm and pulling him into his lap.

'You are special, James. Don't ever doubt that. But it's not because you can do these things.' He sighed. 'You need to tell me about it though, kiddo. Secrets are dangerous.'

'Yes, Dad.'

The title brought a familiar lump to his throat. 'James...you know I'm not really your dad right?' The kid didn't answer straight away, but Dean could feel him trembling.

'You're a better dad than him.' He finally replied, and Dean held him closer. 'Do you not want to be my dad?' If Dean held him any tighter, he'd probably break something.

'Of course I do. You just...you have to remember that...if...'

'He's not coming back.' James said, a finality to his answer that chilled Dean to the bone. 'You left, but I knew you was coming back. That's why I was okay. But he's not coming back. And mom isn't coming back.' He sniffled a little into Dean's t-shirt. 'You won't ever leave me. You keep me safe and you love me. And you do all the things Dad's are supposed to do. So you're my dad.'

Oh, if only it were that simple. Dean closed his eyes as he rested his cheek on James' head. 'If it's what you want, kiddo.'

'It is. I want you to be my dad. And I want to stay here with Lisa and Ben. Because Ben's my brother. Like you and Uncle Sammy.'

He felt like his heart was going to break. James looked up at him, those bright blue eyes practically burning into him. Even if he wanted Dean to be his dad, those damn eyes would always remind him who he _really_ belonged to.

'We're gonna be here forever, right Dad?'

Dean swallowed, unsure whether to answer.

* * *

**August 2010**

He'd pulled the tarp off of Baby and checked her over. It felt good to lay eyes on her again. Lisa and Ben had gone away for a couple of days, some summer school trip or something, and Dean had told James they were driving over to Sioux Falls to visit Bobby. The boy had practically shrieked with excitement, and it was the most they'd gotten out of him for two months. He'd packed his backpack up, complete with some schoolwork to show his grandpa when they got there.

It had been a difficult decision to make. Dean had called Bobby and asked if they could visit for a couple of days, and that there was to be no mention of hunting or the life whilst they were there. Bobby, thankfully, had understood, mostly because he was eager to see them. So he'd unpacked the Impala, intending on making it a little more comfortable for them. The truck was all well and good, but the Impala was comfortable. And there was no way in hell he was gonna drive Lisa's Prius.

It was powder blue.

He shuddered at the thought.

James had been in the car before he could say boo, and he grabbed his coat from the house, slipping it on. He had left it in the truck on July the fourth, just as Lisa had said, and he was grateful when he found it. His hand went to the inside pocket and the worn sheet of paper in there, drawing some comfort from it, but not reading it. He didn't need to. He knew practically every word off by heart.

'Come on, Dad!' James yelled, and Dean smiled, climbing into the driver's seat.

'You sure you don't want your booster seat, buddy?'

James looked at him. 'I don't think it fits with Baby.' He pulled his belt on and tapped the dashboard. 'Can we go now?' Dean grinned and nodded, starting the engine. He selected a cassette and put it into the deck, and James practically bounced in excitement as Metallica started to play. As the Impala pulled out of the driveway, Dean wound his window down, waving at a couple of the neighbours who waved back jovially.

It was a four hour drive to Bobby's, but they didn't stop more than twice, eager to get there. Around lunchtime, they pulled into the yard, and Bobby was stood on the porch waiting for them. Dean barely had time to turn the engine off before he was out the door and launching himself into his grandpa's arms, squealing in delight.

'Grandpa!'

'Hey there, sport!' Bobby embraced him tightly, grinning as Dean climbed out of the car, Cars backpack in hand. He moved around to the trunk and grabbed his duffel, slowly trundling up to the house, a smile on his face. 'Hey, boy.'

'Hey, Bobby.' He greeted, following them into the house. James was babbling away already, telling Bobby everything he'd been up to and it made Dean's smile wider. He'd not heard James talk this much in months. It was nice to see him sort of back to his own self.

'Calm down, boy, calm down.' Bobby chuckled as James practically dragged him into the study. 'Take a seat. Want a beer?' He asked Dean, who nodded. The old hunter went to the fridge and grabbed beers for himself and Dean, and a juice box for the kid. James took the drink with a thanks, and then launched back into stories about school.

'I'm the highest scorer in my class.' He finished his tale of a maths challenge with pride, and Bobby raised an eyebrow in Dean's direction.

'Doing good then, huh?'

Dean beamed proudly. 'Oh yeah, he's a straight A student. Nothing to do with me, though.' James grinned around the straw of his juice.

'You helped me with that class project though, Dad.'

The nickname brought a funny look on Bobby's face as he looked at Dean in confusion. 'Dad?' Dean shifted uncomfortably.

'I'll explain later.' He cleared his throat, swigging at his beer. 'Need to talk to you about some stuff anyway.'

'Is it about hunting?' James asked, and Bobby shook his head.

'We don't do that stuff any more, James.' Dean admonished. 'You know that.' James leant back into the sofa, sulking. He hadn't brought hunting up in a long time, and Dean suddenly felt like this whole trip was a bad idea. Luckily, Bobby came to the rescue.

'Hey, I got some decent cartoons on my television now. How's about we watch some and have some lunch?'

The rest of the day passed in much the same fashion as it had when they were living there, and by bedtime, Bobby knew pretty much everything James had said or done for the last four months. James was yawning widely, and Dean stood, clapping his hands on his thighs.

'Come on, kiddo. Bedtime.'

'Awww. I'm not -' Another loud yawn. 'Tired, Dad.'

'Yeah, yeah.' He bent down and scooped the boy up, grabbing his bag on the way out of the study.

'His room's as he left it. Messy. But clean.' Bobby smirked, watching Dean climb the stairs.

'Thanks Bobby.'

'Night Grandpa.' James' voice floated back down to him, and Bobby returned the sentiment. Half an hour later, Dean trudged down the stairs on his own, running a hand through his hair.

'Mind explaining a few things to me, Dean?' Bobby was sat at his desk, his appearance that of a stern principal. 'Like why James is calling _you_ his dad?'

Dean sighed, throwing himself onto the sofa. 'I tried to explain to him that I'm not, Bobby. But the kid's been through a lot. He's only six. He doesn't quite understand.'

'He seemed to understand perfectly well when he was calling Cas "Daddy".'

'Yeah well, he seems to think Cas has abandoned him. I heard him, you know, praying. Every night for weeks. First it was begging the angel to come back. Then it was just telling him he hated him. Now I don't think he prays at all.' Dean leant forward, staring at his calloused hands. 'He says I'm not gonna leave him, that he wants me to be his dad. It freaked Lisa out a bit at first, but then we just sort of...got used to it.'

'And what if Castiel comes back?'

'It doesn't look likely, Bobby.' Dean looked upwards, as if he could see James through the ceiling. He'd been so tired when Dean put him to bed that he went out like a light. 'I prayed to him. He just ignores us.' He exhaled heavily. 'He gave me all of his memories of when James was a baby. He told me he was mine now. So I've just...he kinda is, in a way.'

'There's no doubt there. He's all of ours, Dean. He's yours, just as he's always gonna be Alex's, Sam's and he'll always be my grandson. I always told you family don't end with blood.' Bobby smiled and stood up, pouring two glasses of whiskey. 'I figure this needs something stronger than beer.'

'There's other stuff too. He's been...he sees things. Not specific things, just like, little things. Last month, he knew Ben was gonna hurt himself. And he did. We thought it was just a kid thing but it's not the first time. And then I saw him...I dunno. He can do the fancy light show that Cas always did when he healed someone.' Bobby was watching him carefully. 'He doesn't use it in public. And he didn't tell me at first, but now he tells me everything.'

'There been any demon or angel activity?'

'Not that I've seen. I keep an eye out but...I'm starting to think they've forgotten about us.'

Bobby shook his head. 'They ain't never gonna forget about that boy, Dean. You're doing good so far, but _something_ someday, is gonna find him. You need to be prepared for that.'

'He asked the other day if we were gonna stay with Lisa and Ben forever.'

'Do you think you will? You've got it good, Dean. You're out. You've got what most hunters never get. A second chance at life.'

'I know. And I don't wanna tear him away from it. But sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing.' Dean took a sip of the whiskey, scrunching up his face. He hadn't had a whiskey this strong in a while. 'I should be out there, Bobby. But I promised Sam. And I promised Alex.' He felt the weight of the letter in his pocket.

'Then you stay out.' Bobby shrugged. 'Do what you've been doing. How do Lisa and Ben feel about all this?'

'Lisa's...Lisa is great. Honestly. Never thought I'd be so lucky. And Ben, well, he's the big brother that James never had. He dotes on him.'

Bobby chuckled. 'It's hard not to, to be fair.' Dean smiled, finishing the rest of his whiskey. He stood up, placing the empty glass on the desk. 'So you're staying for a couple of days?'

'If that's okay with you.'

'You know it is. You're always welcome here, Dean. You and James both.'


	39. Chapter 39

**There's some...erm...self harm issues in this chapter. No one gets seriously hurt. You may wanna skip past that part if it triggers anything. Much love guys xxx**

* * *

**August 2010**

His face didn't seem right.

It was an odd thing to think, but it struck him quite hard. He remembered when he was little, his mom used to say he looked like his Uncle Sammy, when he had shaggy hair that hung over his forehead and into his eyes. Then he'd asked Dean to cut it and his mom said he looked more like her elder brother. He kept it short now, out of his eyes. _Better for hunting_. Except he didn't hunt any more. He wasn't even allowed to ask about hunting.

James hated his eyes. He hated how blue they were. He hated the fact that if he looked hard enough, he could see the parts of him that were made of grace, because he was a genetic freak. He could take away pain and injuries, and _knew_ when things were going to happen. Keeping it quiet, and only telling Dean was helping, but he couldn't stop the thoughts and feelings. People looked at him funny.

The boy whose mom died.

He heard other kids whispering at school. He'd gotten in trouble in the last semester because John Sears, a large boy from two grades above him, had said his mom was killed for being an undercover prostitute. James didn't exactly know what a prostitute was, so he'd snuck into the school library and googled it. Then he'd found John Sears and put him on his fat ass. Dean had punished him for that.

James knew that Dean wasn't his dad. He knew Castiel was his dad. But he hated Castiel for leaving him, for abandoning mom and leaving her to die, for not being quick enough. Things were fine until he found out the angel was his father. Dean was a better dad. He let James be who he needed to be; aside from the hunting thing. But James could understand that. Hunting had killed practically their whole family and Dean wasn't about to let him die too.

Even though he knew he would.

He wondered if he'd even get to be a grown up.

He glared at himself in the mirror again, wondering how long he'd actually been in there. He'd excused himself from the family time in the garden, where everyone was making the most of the last weekend before school. It was sunny, and bright, and Lisa's parents had come to visit. He didn't mind Lisa's parents. They thought he was a sweet, polite little boy who was just a bit close to his father.

Sometimes he wanted to tell them that he'd set fire to corpses and shot a werewolf. Or that he'd killed a man.

They wouldn't think he was so sweet and polite then.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the small knife he'd swiped from Bobby's a couple of weeks ago. It had been hard to leave his grandpa's house after a couple of days. Lisa's house was nice, and his bedroom was awesome, but sometimes he felt like this would never be home. Other times he never wanted to leave. They were safe here and Dean was _happy _here. James tried to be happy, but it was hard.

This was why.

His hand held the knife steady as it hovered over his wrist, the sharp steel biting into his flesh. He didn't cut deep, only enough to draw blood. He wondered briefly if Castiel knew he was doing this, and if he'd bother turning up. Pulling the knife away, he held the wound up for inspection, watching a small dribble of blood head down his arm.

A knock at the door made him jump and he dropped the knife with a clatter, turning around with wide eyes.

'James?' Dean called through the door. 'You've been in there a while, kiddo. I'm coming in, okay?' The door handle twisted, and James realised with a jolt of panic that he'd forgotten to lock it. He could try and block the door, but Dean would just push through. He scrabbled for the knife, grabbing it just as Dean poked his head around. 'Hey.' He said with a frown, looking down at the boy. 'What ya doing?'

'N-nothing.'

_Drip. Drip._

James shut his eyes as Dean's gaze hit the floor, and saw the two spots of blood on the white tiles. 'James...' He stepped fully into the bathroom, worry written across his face. 'Have you hurt yourself?' He knelt down, pulling the boy's wrist upwards, revealing the small slit in the skin and the blood welling up to escape. He then grabbed James' other hand, making him surrender the knife. 'What the hell, James?!'

'I-it's okay.'

'No, it's not friggin' okay!' Dean hissed. 'You're in here cutting yourself!'

'I-I wasn't trying...' James sighed, opening his eyes and looked over at his guardian. 'Look.' He gestured to the wound, and Dean stared at it. The blood slowed, stopped, and a blue light seemed to shimmer over the skin, leaving nothing but a smear of blood where the cut had been. The man's eyes were wide as he watched, the colour draining from his face. James pulled his wrist away, wiping the blood off on his jeans. 'It started happening last week. I fell off the swing in the yard. Cut my knee. I was running to tell you, and then...' He shrugged.

'So you thought you'd test the theory?'

'I didn't cut deep. Sam told me...' Nope, it probably wasn't a good idea to tell him that.

Dean's eyes narrowed. 'Sam told you what?'

'He just let me read some medical stuff once. I asked some questions. It wasn't anything bad...just how to suture and compressive something...' James shrugged again. 'I wasn't gonna hurt myself, Dad. I just wanted to know if it was a fluke. I thought...I thought maybe...' He didn't know how to say it.

'You thought your dad would come.' Dean sighed heavily, and James scowled.

'He's not my _dad_. He's just a stupid angel.' The boy spat, and went to push past Dean. He found his arm caught in a warm grip. 'Leggo of me.' He struggled, but Dean held him fast, turning him around.

'James...promise me. Don't do stuff like this. You know I worry about you.' His voice was soft, and James stopped struggling. 'I promised your mom I'd keep you safe.'

'You do!' The boy cried out. 'Too safe! You think this is gonna work! But it's not!' He started crying. Dean pulled him closer, placing his large hands on James' small face.

'Why do you think that?'

'Because. Demons will come for me, Dad. They'll come for me, and they'll kill Lisa and Ben, and they'll kill you. And then they'll make me into a bad guy, and I don't wanna be a bad guy!' He was choking out gut wrenching sobs now, and Dean shook his head, wiping away his tears. 'I don't wanna be a bad guy.'

'Hey! Hey! You're not gonna be a bad guy. Because you don't wanna be one. That's the first thing, James. You don't wanna be bad and you don't have to be.'

'But I have demon blood in me. I know I do.' James sniffled, his arms hanging limply at his sides as Dean pulled him into an embrace.

'Doesn't mean you're a bad guy, James. Uncle Sammy had demon blood; he was a good guy, right?' The boy nodded, and Dean kissed the top of his head, holding him a fraction tighter. 'And why do you think demons will come? We've been safe all this time. It's been months. Have you seen something?' He asked, suddenly very worried. He pushed James to arms length, searching his bright blue eyes.

'No. I didn't see anything.' He whispered. 'But they always come right?'

Dean shook his head. 'Not if I can help it.'

Somehow James trusted that more than anything else in his life.

* * *

**Halloween 2010**

It had been two months since James' minor meltdown. They'd returned to their normal lives, and Dean had kept a closer eye on the kid from then on, making sure he took extra time to talk to him, spend time with him. He'd confiscated the knife, putting it in the trunk of the Impala, where she'd been returned to the garage under the tarp. He guessed that James had swiped the knife from Bobby's, so it was unlikely he'd schedule any more trips there.

The good thing was that James had started to open up a bit more. He was making friends at school, actually going out to play. Ben hadn't had to entice him outside half as much. He was talking more, and seemed overall happier than he had been. There'd been no more incidents with any powers, although Dean was fairly convinced that the usually accident prone Ben was in on it, because he never seemed to hurt himself much any more. The boys kept it quiet if they were doing anything though, probably because Lisa would freak out.

As Halloween approached, Dean got more and more fed up. He hated this holiday, and didn't really need a reason to why. The actual night itself, Ben and James went out trick or treating, although James had shown little enthusiasm for the idea, aside from the thought of free candy. He'd made a half hearted attempt at a costume, and had scrunched up his nose at Ben's werewolf costume. Dean had been worried about letting them out, but Lisa had assured him it was a good neighbourhood for this sort of thing.

So when ten'o'clock rolled past and the boys hadn't returned, he was beginning to panic. The street was still full of kids, older now than earlier, and less adults about, and Lisa still didn't seem concerned. But Dean was. He knew what was out there in the dark, and no matter how old he acted, James was only six and Ben was only eleven.

He grabbed his jacket, telling Lisa he was going to look for the boys and she simply nodded, allowing him his parental moment of panic. Stalking down the street, Dean realised how easy it was to slip back into his old ways, his footsteps quick and silent as he avoided groups of kids and became practically invisible. He only wished he had a weapon on him, just in case. In all likelihood, he was going to find the boys safe and well, up to no good, but safe and well.

When he reached the end of the street, the crowds of kids had all but disappeared. It was getting very late, and the roads were pitch black, and Dean felt an uncomfortable feeling building in his stomach. He continued walking through the neighbourhood, frowning when the sparse street lights above him started flickering. He _detested_ when lights did that.

'James! Ben!' He called out, hoping the kids would appear and relieve him of his worry. One thing was for certain, he wasn't letting either of them out until Christmas.

When they were thirty.

Neither of the boys appeared, and Dean swallowed hard, unsure of where to go from here. The lights continued to flicker, one by one in sequence down the street. He cocked his head to the side as the pattern repeated itself, and then took a hesitant step forward. 'Cas?' He whispered. 'Is that you?' He didn't receive a reply, but then he wasn't expecting one. So he did what he thought he was supposed to and followed the blinking pattern of lights down the street and around to the next block. He found himself on a street that looked exactly like the one he lived on, but then this whole damn town looked the same.

The lights blinked again, once, twice, then stopped outside one house. It had a "For Sale" sign on it, and looked mostly deserted, save for the open front door and flickering of light in the upstairs hallway. Dean narrowed his eyes and ran for the property, sliding silently up onto the porch and in the front door. He paused, listening. He heard a slight thud from upstairs, and a yelp. It sounded like Ben.

His heart was beating so hard at the thought of either boy being hurt that he thought he might be sick. He swallowed it down, wishing once more that he had a weapon, and crept up the steps, distributing his weight as not to make any of them creak. When he reached a point where he could see through the banister, he looked around, spotting shadows moving in the furthest bedroom. His eyes narrowed, and he moved forward.

'Would you just kill that one already?' The voice made him freeze, the coldness that had held him turning to burning hot rage as a man appeared in his line of sight, holding a small form in his arms. A flash of blonde hair made him realise that the guy had hold of James and he was not moving. _Please let him just be unconscious. Please. Please. Cas, if you can hear me...James is in danger._

He weighed his options, then threw caution to the wind, pushing himself forwards. The element of surprise was always his friend, and he knocked the guy holding James down, sending the boy sprawling to the floor. He lay there, unmoving, as Dean unleashed a flurry of punches onto the guy's face, hoisting him up by the front of his shirt to get better force behind the hits.

'Hey!' Dean dropped the guy, turning blazing green eyes on the other man in the room. He stood, leaving his first victim to roll around the floor in agony, clutching his bleeding face. Advancing on the other guy, he saw Ben struggling in his grip and he drew back his fist. The sound of a gun being armed made him stop, and he looked back to the floor where the guy he'd just pummelled was pointing a pistol at him.

'Get out of here, pal. This ain't none of your business.'

Dean glared at him, keeping the one holding Ben in his peripheral vision. 'Not my business? You're messing with my kids.' He snarled.

The one on the floor glanced to his partner warily. 'You're Winchester?' The gun shifted a little in his hand. 'You weren't supposed to find us.'

'Well, surprise mother fuckers, I did. So what are you? Demons or angels?'

Both men looked at him in confusion. 'We were just given descriptions and names.' The one holding Ben spat. 'Ain't no such thing as angels or demons, you freak.'

'I beg to differ.' A new voice said from the doorway, and Dean turned, just as Castiel bent down and knocked the one with the gun unconscious. The gun clattered to the floor and Dean swiped it, aiming it at the guy holding Ben. Cas stepped up behind him, a dangerous look on his face. 'Who sent you?' The guy released Ben, who ran to James, pulling the boy off of the floor and holding him close.

'I didn't get a name! I swear!'

Dean's finger tightened on the trigger, and he fully intended to kill the man before Cas put his hand on his wrist. 'He doesn't know anything, Dean.' He moved past him and reached out. The guy begged as Cas reached up two fingers and touched him on the forehead, sending him crumpling to the ground. Dean stared for a moment, before turning and sliding to his knees next to Ben and James.

'He's breathing.' Ben said, tears in his eyes. 'The guy hit him. He had a cut on his head, but I think he healed himself.' So Ben _did_ know about James' powers. He didn't have time to address that now. He felt Cas hovering behind him.

'Healed himself?' The angel asked, tilting his head quizzically. Dean slid his arms underneath James' inert form, picking him up and cradling him close. He turned a stern gaze on the angel.

'It's none of your concern, Cas. You gave him up, remember?' He headed for the door, Ben sticking close to his side. Castiel followed.

'Dean, if James is exhibiting any abilities, I should probably know about it.'

The commanding tone of his voice set Dean's teeth on edge, and he span, fury in his eyes. 'No, Cas. You gave him up. Turned him over to me. We haven't seen you in months! And now you show up, suddenly giving a shit?'

Cas glared at him. '_You_ prayed to me, Dean.'

'I didn't think you'd actually listen! We prayed to you. James prayed to you every night! And you ignored us!' Dean was shaking with rage now, and James stirred his arms. Cas opened his mouth to argue back, when James opened one bright blue eye.

'Dad?' He asked, and the angel frowned, ready to reply, to tell him that he was here, but Dean beat him to it.

'I'm here, kiddo.' He looked up at Castiel. 'I'm _always_ here.' He turned, walking away with the two boys.

Cas didn't follow them.

* * *

**November 2010**

Winter whirled in quickly after Halloween, and the temperature dropped rapidly. It was mid-November when the snow started, and the first Dean knew of it was when both Ben and James ran in and jumped on the bed, waking him and Lisa abruptly.

'It's snowing!' Ben yelled, and James was grinning from ear to ear. Dean blinked sleepily as Lisa smiled up at the boys. 'No school!'

They ran back out of the room and the thundering of feet was heard down the hallway and stairs. Lisa chuckled, leaning over to leave a lingering kiss on Dean's lips. 'Looks like we get a snow day. You wanna call in and see if they want you?' Dean looked down at her appreciatively.

'I know someone who would want me.' He whispered huskily, leaning down to catch her in a bruising kiss. She reached up, sliding her arms around his neck to pull him closer.

'Come on Dad!' James' yell broke them apart reluctantly.

'We'll finish this later.' Dean promised, dragging himself from the warm bed. 'Hopefully they'll both tire out quickly today.' He searched for his jeans, pulling them on as Lisa stretched in the bed. Her nightgown slipped up to show a generous expanse of tanned thigh and he paused. 'You keep that up and I won't be going anywhere.' She giggled, sitting up.

'Go get those boys fed before they run out to get hypothermia.' Dean rolled his eyes in response and grabbed his shirt on the way out of the room. As he headed down the stairs, he glanced at the photos on the wall, stopping at the bottom. James' had recently had his photo done at school, and it was next to Ben's proudly on the wall. Both boys were smiling and happy, which was pretty good considering the ordeal they'd gone through at Halloween.

It turned out the guys who'd attempted to kidnap them were hired by demons, and Bobby was still looking into it. James didn't remember much beyond being knocked out, and Ben had said the guys were gonna kill him. Dean had insisted James' start carrying a knife again, except for at school, and he was teaching Ben a few self-defence moves. Lisa had agreed to it, as long as he didn't start cracking the rock salt and shotguns out of the Impala.

He hadn't heard from Castiel since the incident. And he didn't want to. He was beyond angry at the angel. And thankfully, James hadn't noticed him, and Ben had kept his mouth shut, aside from asking Dean later on when they were alone if that man had been James' real dad. Dean had told him that he was, and Ben had scowled.

_'I don't like him. He hurt my little brother.'_

To Ben, James was his Sammy. They did pretty much everything together. Ben protected James and James was his big brother's back up. It was becoming that they were inseparable now. As he walked into the kitchen, hissing at the cold tiled floor on his bare feet, both boys were at the breakfast bar, jostling each other good naturedly for the cereal box.

'Come on, kids. Take your turn.' He grinned, taking the cereal box and handing it to James. The boy smiled, digging around in the cereal as Dean made them both an orange juice. James' eyes lit up as he found the bottom of the box, pulling out the plastic wrapped toy and offering it to Ben.

'You want the prize?' He asked innocently, and Dean went still, as Ben nodded, taking it. He shook his head, finished the glasses of juice and put them in front of the boys, who were now cooperating in the pouring of cereal and milk.

'Right, so you both need coats, hats and everything else that goes along with snow. No hypothermia today.' He poured himself a glass of juice and sipped at it, as Lisa rounded the corner into the kitchen. She'd slipped into yoga pants and a t-shirt, and threw a pair of socks at his head.

'You too, buster. Boys aren't going outside unsupervised.'

'Awwww.' James moaned as Ben followed it up with a petulant "Mom!". Lisa shook her head, as Dean made a face of dismay.

'Nope. I've got work to do. Not all of us get a day off. So you three are getting out of my hair for the day. Dean can take you for pizza, if they're open, and you can spend the whole snow day being elsewhere.' Both boys cheered up at the mention of pizza, but Dean still looked put out as Lisa approached him, slipping a hand around his waist and down to his ass, squeezing it and making him jump a little. 'I'll make it up to you later.' She whispered in his ear and a filthy grin slipped over his face.

'Deal.'

'I don't even wanna know what they are talking about.' Ben muttered, finishing his cereal and hopping down from his stool. James followed suit, raising his eyebrows.

'What were they talking about?'

'Sex.'

Both adults span round and James frowned. 'What's sex?'

'Ben.' Lisa's tone was dangerous, and the older boy held his hands up.

'What? I know you do it.' James looked between his brother and the grown ups.

'What's sex?' He repeated. Ben shrugged.

'I don't know what it is. But I know they do it.' He explained and James took it as gospel, turning around. Lisa looked back to Dean who sighed.

'That's gonna be a fun talk when he's older.' He said, putting his glass down. Lisa smiled.

'I'm sure you'll do fine.' She slapped his ass, and he scowled at her in jest. 'Now, go play!'

* * *

**January 2011**

January rolled around a lot quicker than he thought it would. Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around in a blur of presents, way too much food and excitement. School was starting again soon, and Dean felt like he was still nursing a hangover from New Year's Eve. Lisa's parents had babysat for them, and they'd gone to a neighbour's house party, which had gone on way too late and involved way too much beer and shots. Even Lisa still looked pretty rough from it two days later.

And now she was bugging him about his birthday.

He didn't want a fuss. He'd never really celebrated his birthday, and to be honest, he wanted to forget about it since his siblings would never get to celebrate theirs again. It seemed like too much of an insult to their memory already, that he was _happy_ here, living on without them. But he was honouring his last promise to both of them, what they'd wanted. James was happy, settled, doing well in school and making lots of friends and good memories. There'd been no more incidents with demons, angels or humans hired by either, and Bobby couldn't find anything on their previous assailants. Neither James or Ben had brought it up again, and as far as Dean was aware, James wasn't using any of his gifts.

He hadn't had a vision since the summer, and Dean was kinda hoping that they'd disappeared for good. And if he was using his healing power, he wasn't doing it publicly and it was only on Ben when he hurt himself. As long as it stayed that way, Dean didn't care.

The apple pie life was turning out okay, he guessed.

Didn't mean he wanted to celebrate his birthday. It wasn't like it was a big deal. He was only gonna be thirty two.

The doorbell rang, and he got up from the sofa to answer it, finding a small girl stood on his doorstep. She couldn't have been more than eight, and her hair was tied up in pigtails, her puffy jacket adorned with something called a "Doc McStuffin". She smiled brightly at him. 'Hi. I'm Sarah. Is James home?'

'James?' He repeated, turning to the stairs. 'James! There's someone at the door for you.' He heard a controller hit the floor, and the boy appeared at the top of the stairs.

'Can Sarah come in and play, Dad? She's got the new Transformer and it's cold outside.'

Dean thought for a moment, then nodded, standing aside to let the girl in. She thundered up the stairs, and Dean sighed, shutting the door behind him. He knew this stage. It wouldn't be long before James was using those baby blues for the side of evil. Dean knew, because he'd done _exactly_ the same thing. Turning away from the door, ignoring the giggles from upstairs, he returned to the sofa, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out, wondering if Lisa needed something. She'd had to go into work today, so he was alone on child-duty.

It was Bobby. Dean frowned and opened the phone, barking out a gruff greeting.

_/Whoa, princess. Rough weekend?/_

'I'm recovering.' Dean said, picking up the glass of water on the table. 'What's up?'

_/What, I can't call to check in?/_

'Not usually, no. What's wrong?'

_/Omens. Headed your way. I hate to do this Dean, but I think the demons are gearing up. Some hunters reported them looking for a Winchester boy in North Dakota./_

Dean sat straight, feeling his heart pick up pace a little. 'You think they're coming here? They sent those guys months ago. Why now?'

_/I couldn't tell ya. By what we found out from those guys, they knew what state you were in, but there's contracts out on your head and James'./_ Bobby sighed on the other end of the phone. _/It's only the wards that have kept you safe. God knows how you managed it this long./_

'I can't involve Lisa and Ben in this, Bobby.'

_/Bring them here. They'll be safe. You know that./_

'She won't go for it. I mean, I know she _knows_ the life we had, but she doesn't understand it. It'd be too much for her. And the boys are back at school soon. I can't disrupt them like that.' He ran a hand over his face. 'I'm out, Bobby. I have to stay out. For James. I promised -' He cut off, not knowing what else to say.

_/Calm down, boy. Look, I'll get in contact with a couple hunters. Send them your way. Tell them to make themselves known but stay out of the way unless something happens./_

'Never thought I'd see the day I needed bodyguards.'

_/They ain't body guards. You're a civilian now. These guys are just doing their jobs./_

'Okay. Just make sure they aren't asshats.' He hung up, looking over at the mantelpiece. The Christmas photo of all four of them that Lisa had insisted on was hanging proudly there, and he stood up, walking over to it. Ben and James were stood in front of him and Lisa, and they all looked so...happy...normal..._just like you wanted Sam. Out of the life. Free. _

But there was no out. Not really.

Demons were coming for them.

He guessed it was gonna happen sooner or late.

James was always right.

* * *

**Come on. You knew I wasn't gonna let them live happily ever after. Sorry.**


	40. Chapter 40

**I'm gonna apologise for the lack of updates this week. Turns out, leaving the house can, on occasion, be good for you.**

* * *

**February 2011**

Dean hated waiting around for something to happen.

It was two weeks after Bobby had made the calls that he'd met the hunters his old friend had sent. A woman and a man had turned up on his doorstep, one Sunday evening, and he'd had to excuse himself from Lisa and the family to step outside. And as it turned out, the hunters Bobby had sent were "family".

Technically.

Gwen and Mark Campbell - cousins, something or other, several times removed. It was confusing. And Gwen had made some remarks about his "delicate" features which had put him on edge right away. They'd promised to stay clear of the family, and keep an eye out for demons, which made him feel more comfortable and less creeped out that he'd just met a piece of his family he knew nothing about.

It damn near killed him to sit back and do _nothing_, but he couldn't risk any of them. James was finally adjusting, settling in, doing well - being the normal kid his mom always wanted. The only trouble he got into was the kind where him and Ben were playing pranks and got caught. They'd been there for eight months now, and Dean couldn't say he'd ever been happier.

Even if he felt somewhat useless just being a regular suburban guy.

The hunters had kept clear, just as they promised, and Dean had finally felt he could relax a little more. Now January had given way to February (he'd managed to avoid celebrating his birthday in it's entirety) and the weather was beginning to get a little bit warmer, which meant the boys were venturing outside more. He imposed restrictions on them, only allowing them so far, and they stuck to it. Ben carried an anti-possession charm at all times, as did Lisa, and he continued to let James carry one small concealed weapon. It didn't hurt to be _safe_ after all.

Sat in the bar with Sid, letting the beer do it's job, he contemplated how the normal guy he'd befriended from work had absolutely _no_ idea of the world Dean had come from. Sometimes it made him laugh, the utter cluelessness of the people around him. But nowadays it made him feel more awkward than anything.

'And thank God this is before Facebook, right? Because it'd be me and that goat all over the Internet. Don't get me wrong, right? No complaints. But if you'd have said to me, "hey, you - fifteen years from now? Suburbia."' Dean couldn't even remember what it was Sid had started waffling about, but he sipped his beer and nodded in agreement all the same.

'Oh. Yeah.'

'Right?' Sid raised his beer.

Dean gave a half smile, thinking back on how he'd ended up in Suburbia. 'Believe me, I know.'

'So, you've travelled around a lot, huh?'

'Mm-hmm. Yeah, my whole life, pretty much.' He remembered it all too well.

'And?' Sid pressed, and Dean sighed.

'I don't know.'

'Come on. You - what, you moved in, what, about a year ago?'

'About ten months.' Dean said, picking at the label on the beer. This was a topic he'd had to endure several times before - apparently people were too damn curious about others, wanting to know the ins and outs of a duck ass about everyone. He hated that.

'So I been buying you beer for a year. And I think that means you owe me a couple of gory details.' Sid narrowed his eyes. 'I mean, you never say anything about James before he got here.' _That was code. We've heard the rumours about James' mom, and now I wanna know the truth._ The former hunter refused eye contact with his friend, letting the well rehearsed words fall.

'Oh, no. There's not much to tell, you know? It's, uh... we lived on the road... I took, uh, crap jobs that nobody else wanted.' Dean shrugged and took another sip of his beer.

Sid, apparently, wasn't giving up. 'Like?'

'Like... Pest control.'

'Really? Pest control.'

Dean nodded. 'Yeah. You get to work with a partner. You get to help people. You have no idea what's in some people's walls. It could eat 'em alive.' And he wasn't lying. Some of the things him and Sam had dug out of walls over the years could have skinned a grown man like a damn piece of fruit.

'Yeesh.' At least Sid was buying the lies. Or he seemed to be.

'Course, that was then. And now...' Dean made a gesture with one hand and his friend chuckled.

'You're practically respectable.'

'Yeah. Wow. I guess so. That's kind of scary, actually.' He smiled, genuinely. The waitress came over, dropping the receipt for their drinks, her eyes going to Dean as she gushed a thanks. Dean looked down at the receipt as Sid leaned to the side, watching the woman walk away with a sway of her hips.

'Thank you.' He breathed. 'I think she likes you.'

Dean grinned, holding up the receipt with the name "Brigitta" and a phone number scrawled across it. 'You think?' He said, none too smugly.

'What is it with you? Like, every time!' Sid threw his hands up in the air.

'It's like chicks specifically dig unavailable guys.' He ripped up the receipt and dropped it to the table. 'Who knew?' He stood up and Sid followed suit, shaking his head in disbelief.

'I will see you tomorrow.' His friend turned, still shaking his head as Dean let out a little laugh, heading for the exit.

'Thanks, man.' He called out as they went to their respective vehicles. Dean fumbled with his keys, his thoughts distracting him as he heard Sid drive past him. As he finally got the door open and climbed into the cab of his truck, he sighed heavily, leaning his head back against the seat, closing his eyes for a moment. The harsh tones of his cellphones made him jump, and he frowned, searching around his pockets. He flipped the phone open as soon as he found it. 'Hello?

_/Dean?/_

His frown deepened. 'Lisa? What's wrong?'

_/Are you on your way home?/_

'Yeah, I am, what's wrong? Are the boys all right?'

_/They're fine, Dean, just hurry, okay?/_ She hung up, and Dean stared at the screen of his phone for a few seconds. A weight dropped to the bottom of his gut, and he threw the phone into the passenger seat, turning the engine on quickly. He sped from the car park, ignoring the speed restrictions. It took only ten minutes to pull the truck to a screeching halt outside the house, and he grabbed the gun he kept under the seat, tucking it into his pants before climbing out of the vehicle. He shut the door quietly, his senses on hyper alert as he approached the front door. He looked around, spotting a foot sticking out from the bushes by the porch, and he slid over, finding a dead demon, or rather, the meat suit, hidden behind the geraniums.

Well, that couldn't be good.

He pulled his gun out, keeping it ready, as he climbed up the steps, reaching the front door just as Lisa opened it. Her eyes went to the gun, and his eyes went to the charm she wore around her neck, finding himself relieved that it was still there and she appeared unharmed.

'You can put _that_ away,' she scolded. 'The demon is dead and the boys are asleep. It wasn't expecting me to have this.' Lisa tapped the charm around her neck, and opened the door wider. 'They weren't expecting him either.' She finished, gesturing to the living room as Dean tilted his head, replacing his gun in the back of his pants. He stepped into the house, his eyes on the figure on the sofa, the back of that familiar head making his stomach roll.

'Sammy?' He said, quietly, staring in amazement as his little brother rose from the sofa, turning to face him with a strained grin.

'Dean.' Sam nodded, and the eldest Winchester just stared, confused.

'Are you real?' The moment the question slipped out, he felt ridiculous. Lisa shut the door behind him, silently moving around him.

'Yeah. Yeah I'm real.' Sam held his arms out to the side. 'I'm me.'

Dean blinked a few times, not sure whether to move or say something. Instead, he cleared his throat and walked further into the house, embracing his little brother. Logically he knew he should be running the usual drills; salt, holy water, silver - but something was telling him that this was his brother, _really _his brother, alive, breathing, stood in front of him.

Holy fuck.

'How the hell?' Dean pulled away from the embrace, his green eyes searching his brothers. Sam shrugged, knowing the rest of Dean's incomplete question.

'I mean, no idea, I'm just back.' Sam shrugged. Lisa slipped out of the room, and Dean barely even noticed. His thoughts briefly went to James, wondering if he was awake. The kid would love to see his uncle, even if it would probably confuse him.

'Well, was it God, or - or - or Cas? I mean, does Cas know anything about it?' He asked. Sam shook his head.

'You tell me. I've been calling. Cas hasn't answered my prayers. I don't even know where he is. I mean, I was... down there, and then, next minute, it's raining, and I'm lying in that field, alone. It's kind of hard to go looking for whatever saved you when you got no leads. But I looked. I mean, believe me, I looked... for weeks.' Dean nodded, then caught what his brother had said.

'Wait, weeks? How long you been back?' The question made Sam shift uncomfortable and he didn't meet Dean's gaze. 'How long you been back, Sam?' Dean repeated, feeling a little bit angry. Sam looked sheepish.

'Ten months. Give or take.'

'Ten months?' Dean exploded, forgetting the late hour. 'You been back practically this whole time? What, did you lose the ability to send a friggin' text message?' He ran a hand through his hair looking away in exasperation. Sam turned away a little, looking down at the floor.

'You finally had what you wanted, Dean.' The younger Winchester sighed heavily. 'You and James. Safe. Normal. You wanted a family. You have for a long time, maybe the whole time. I know you. You only gave it up because of the way we lived. But you had something, and you were building something. Had I shown up, Dean, you would have just run off. I'm sorry. But it felt like after everything, you deserve some regular life.'

Dean stared at him. He wasn't wrong. He was happy, even if the whole thing was a lie, if he wasn't James' dad, or Ben's dad. Sam wasn't wrong about that at all. He looked away, folding his arms. 'What have you been doing?'

'Hunting.' Sam replied simply and Dean frowned.

'You left us alone, and you were flying solo?'

Sam shook his head. 'Not solo. You met Gwen and Mark.'

'So you hooked up with family? Did Bobby send you here too?'

'Yeah.'

The stairs creaked, and both men looked over. James stood at the bottom of the stairs, wearing his Lego Batman pyjamas, yawning widely and rubbing his eyes. 'Dad? I heard shouting.' He opened his eyes, and a second passed before he absorbed the scene in from of him. 'Un - uncle Sammy?' He stared directly at him, his mouth open. 'B-but -' James looked to Dean, who saw that the tired kid was about to freak out.

'Hey!' He rushed over, kneeling down. 'Hey, it's okay. It's Uncle Sammy, okay, it's not anything bad.'

James nodded dumbly. 'I don't - I - Dad, what's going on?'

Dean glanced over to Sam, who had a strange little half smile on his face. 'Sam is alive. That's about as much as I've figured out.' James looked around and Dean's heart broke a little. He forgot sometimes that James was so young, and knew exactly what he was doing.

'Is my mom...' He trailed off at the look on both older Winchesters' faces. Dean looked back.

'She -'

'I don't know.' Sam admitted. 'As far as I know...no.'

James couldn't help it and tears welled up in his eyes. Dean pulled him forward, gathering him up into his arms as he stood. 'Hey, come on.' He shushed as James buried his face in his shoulder. 'It's okay. Come on.' He looked over at Sam. 'Look, I'm assuming that was your handy work with the demon out there. So, er, thanks. But...it's probably best that you go.'

Sam looked confused for a moment, not understanding Dean's easy dismissal. His eyes hovered on the small boy in his brother's arms, and he realised; all the years that Dean had spent protecting him, and now he had someone who needed it more. With a nod, he put his hands in his pockets. 'Look, we're gonna need to go through this...everything that is going on. You can't step back. We're gonna need you to help with this.' He fixed his big brother with a look. 'James is gonna need you to help.'

'We'll talk tomorrow. Where you staying?'

'Sunset Rises. Over the other side of town.' Sam smiled tightly. 'We'll talk tomorrow.' He went to move past, then paused and tried to catch James' eye over Dean's shoulder. The boy looked up at him with red rimmed eyes, indicating how tired he was. 'Was good to see you.' Sam said quietly, reaching a hand out to touch James' shoulder. As he did, James tensed and broke eye contact. Sam frowned, then shrugged and left the house.

A few moments after he'd gone, Lisa reappeared from the kitchen, checking to see if Sam was gone. She noticed James in Dean's arms and rushed over. 'Is he okay?'

'I'm imagining he's pretty confused.' Dean said, trying to coax James off of him. 'Hey, come on, James. He's gone.' With a bit of persuasion, James let go, only to scrabble towards Lisa. She smiled at Dean, letting James take comfort from her.

'I'll get him back up to bed.' She said softly, placing a hand overs Deans. 'You've had just as much of a shock.'

'Okay.' Dean surrendered and let her go. He sank onto the sofa, staring at the blank television. The sounds of Lisa soothing James as she put him back to bed reached his ears and he knew she'd stay up there with him until he fell asleep. It still amazed him how well she'd taken to the role of mom for a child not her own. But then, that kid could wrap anyone around his finger.

Sam was alive.

He was struggling to process that one.

Ten months, they'd gone on, mourning Sam and Alex, only to find out that Sam had been alive the whole time. And now he was here, his aliveness in their faces, and a traumatised little boy wondering why his mom wasn't there as well. How was he going to explain that one?

And Bobby had _known_. When they'd gone to see him in the summer, he'd _known_. He must of.

How could he keep that from them?

Dean covered his eyes with his hand and sighed heavily, unsure of what to do.

He needed answers.

* * *

Despite James' protests, he went to school the next day. Dean knew he probably wouldn't concentrate much in class, but he had to keep the routine up. He didn't want to take James with him to see Sam, knowing that it was the best thing for him to stay clear of hunting. And judging by the scowl on the boy's face, he was going to pay for it.

He sat in the truck for a good fifteen minutes outside the motel, thinking about everything that had happened. Sam was alive. _Alive_. He was still struggling to process that. And he knew it would be all too easy to fall back into hunting. Denying that he didn't feel the need to be out there was stupid because it was _in_ him and always would be. He was a hunter, no matter how hard he tried at the suburban life. But it wasn't just him he had to consider. James was settled, he was living the life his mom wanted for him. He was excelling in school and the bond he had with Ben was too strong to tear him away. It wouldn't be fair.

Eventually he dragged himself out of the truck, heading for the reception. As he made it to the door, someone called his name and he turned, seeing Gwen climbing out of a battered old Ford. He raised a hand in acknowledgement and jogged over to her, dipping his head at Mark as he got out of the other side of the car.

'You here to see Sam?' She asked.

'Yeah. Why didn't you tell me?' Dean asked, more curious than angry.

Gwen shrugged. 'He asked us not too.' She glanced over to Mark. 'We're in room 16. Sam is in room 15.'

Dean nodded, and walked over with them, wanting to ask more but failing to pull the questions from his throat. As they disappeared into their room, he stared at the door for room 15, willing himself to knock. As it turned out, he didn't need too, because Sam pulled the door open, giving him a lop sided smile.

'Dean.' The taller man greeted, standing back to let his brother in. Dean smiled tightly, and walked past him into the room. Straight into another shock. At the table, in the kitchenette, sat Samuel Campbell. Their grandfather. Dean blinked, then looked back to Sam, who ran a hand through his long hair and shrugged one shoulder. 'Yeah, er...'

'Dean.' Samuel said, standing from the table.

'Samuel.' Dean said dumbly. 'Well...resurrections all round huh?' Samuel smiled.

'Yeah. I guess.' He stepped forward. 'It's good to see you.' Dean nodded, not quite sure what to say or do.

'How did this happen?'

'We're guessing whatever pulled Sam up, pulled me down. So whatever this is, we're both part of it.'

Dean narrowed his eyes. 'But you don't know what that is?'

Samuel raised an eyebrow. 'Bingo.'

'And you have no leads? Nothing? Well, this - this is, uh... No more doornails coming out of that door, is there?' He looked back to his baby brother, wondering if with all this raising the dead, somehow Alex had been brought back as well.

'As far as we know, it's Samuel and it's me.' He looked away for a moment. 'I don't...I don't know anything about Alex, Dean.'

Samuel sighed. 'We've looked. We checked. Your sister...it doesn't look like she was included in all this this.'

'Okay, am I the only one here that thinks this can't all just be fine?' Dean asked, holding his arms out. 'I mean, demons attacking, hiring humans, all this omen crap and now you two back from the dead?'

'Believe me, you're not. I wanted to come get you, of course. Sam was adamant about leaving you out, so we did. Until this.' Samuel moved back to the table, taking his seat once more. 'We're gonna make sure James is safe, Dean.'

'I was already doing that.' Dean said, darkly. 'He didn't need the shock of last night.'

'He's okay though right?' Sam asked, his tone even. 'He's a tough kid, Dean.'

'We've done this song and dance, remember? It's never easy seeing someone you thought was dead come back, Sammy.' Dean scrubbed a hand over his face. 'I don't know if he's all right. He's got a life, here, Sam. He's doing good in school, he has friends...I can't let him get back into this.'

'It might be unavoidable.' Samuel pointed out, and Dean glared at him. The older man held his hands up. 'I'm just saying, there are demons after him. There's a lot of stuff going on here that might require...'

'No. No. He stays out.' Dean said, his posture becoming rigid and unyielding. '_Alex_ wanted him out.'

'You know better than anyone, we don't always get what we want, Dean.' Samuel pointed out. 'Both of you. James might be safer with us.' Dean didn't reply, and Sam stepped forward.

'Maybe we can just take them to Bobby's. Wait for this to all...' Dean held up a hand, stopping him.

'No. We stay. I'm not having demons chase us out again, Sam.' His cell rang, and he grimaced, fishing it out of his pocket. A frown crossed his face as he recognised the number. 'It's the school.' He answered the call gruffly, looking up at his brother. His eyes went wide. 'What do you mean, he's gone?' Sam looked to their grandfather, then back to Dean. 'No, no, that's not - you should have kept him in class! No, I'll find him. Don't call the police. He's probably just gone home.' He hung up, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. 'James ran out of school. I'm gonna go look for him.'

'We had Johnny on the school.' Samuel said. 'He might have already picked him up.'

'If James doesn't know him, it's likely he's run.' Dean said, not knowing or caring at that point who Johnny was. 'He's a little kid. He knows about stranger danger.'

Sam grabbed his coat from the chair at the table. 'Me and Dean will find James, Samuel. You check in with Johnny, call me if he's seen him.' Samuel nodded, and followed his brother out of the door. 'You wanna take my car? It's faster.' Dean looked over at the sleek, douchy car Sam was now driving and shook his head.

'No. James knows my truck.' He unlocked the cab and climbed in, starting the engine as Sam got in the other side. 'He's probably gone home. He was upset.'

'Can't really blame him, Dean.' Sam said as his brother pulled the truck out of the parking lot and sped down the road.

'No. I'm blaming you.' Dean replied gruffly, which shut his brother up. 'He doesn't need this. He never needed any of this.' Quiet descended on them after that, and five minutes later, Sam's phone started ringing. He answered it, frowning as he listened to the call. Keeping it short, he hung up and looked over at Dean.

'Johnny's not answering his phone.'

'We'll start at the school.' Dean said, flooring the accelerator, and the truck moved faster down the road. Ten minutes later, they pulled up outside the elementary school, and Sam jumped out of the truck, racing over to a car parked under the trees by the entrance. He opened the driver's door, and Johnny fell out, dead as a doornail.

'Shit.' He exclaimed, checking for a pulse. 'He's dead.'

'Great.' Dean said, putting his hands on his head. 'That means demons right?'

'Probably.' Sam responded, looking around. 'Shall we go back to your place?'

'No. If it's demon, James will hide.' He thought for a moment. 'Or he'd fight.'

'He'd fight? Really?' The younger Winchester seemed surprised. Dean nodded. Sam raised both eyebrows. 'Well, I guess he is like you.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Dean snapped, heading back for the truck. His brother follow, putting his hands up in surrender.

'Just the whole, him-calling-you-Dad thing.'

'It's been ten months, Sam. It was easier and it just kinda...stuck.' Dean got into his truck, slamming the door. 'Everyone round here thinks he's mine.'

'What about Cas?' Sam asked, curious.

'Cas gave him up. James...it's best not to mention Cas around him, okay?' Dean started the truck, pulling away slowly from the kerb. Sam glanced at the road ahead, then looked to his brother.

'Where are we going?'

'Ben's school. The likelihood of James not running for him is slim.'

'They're close huh?'

Dean smiled slightly, not looking at Sam. 'Very. Like brothers.' _Like we used to be._ He didn't add his internal thoughts, keeping his eyes on the road as he pulled around the bend to Ben's school. He looked at Sam then. 'You stay here. I'll check if Ben is still in class. If he is, then James isn't here.' He got out of the truck and disappeared into the school. Sam sighed and leant back against the seat, tapping his fingers against his leg. He looked around, waiting for Dean, wondering how long he would be.

A flash of movement caught his eye and he sat up straight, looking out of the window at the trees opposite the school. He frowned, and opened the car door, shutting it slowly behind him as he approached the copse of trees. The movement was coming from the branches and as he walked into their shadow, his body relaxed.

Up the tree, James sat, his knees drawn up to his chest as he balanced on a branch. Sam smiled, coming into the boy's eye line. 'Hey, kiddo. You fancy coming down?'

James looked up, startled. 'Uncle Sammy?' He asked, sounding a little afraid.

'Yeah, it's me. You wanna come down?'

James shook his head. 'I'm safer up here. Demons can't get me.'

'I think some demons can climb a tree.' Sam said, looking over at the trunk. Although it looked difficult, demons were pretty resourceful. 'Or they'd just use demonic power to push you down.'

'No. That doesn't work on me.' The boy replied, then went quiet as he realised what he'd admitted. Sam tilted his head to the side in wonder at the statement.

'That doesn't work on you?' He repeated. 'How do you know?'

'I got called to the guidance counsellor.' James said quietly. 'She was demon. She tried to grab me. That's why I ran out of school.' He swallowed. 'Is Dad pissed at me?' He looked around. 'Is he with you? I was gonna wait for Ben to come out.'

'He's gone in to check on Ben. He'll be out in a minute.' Sam said. 'You're safe now, James. You can come down.'

'You're different.'

Sam frowned. 'What do you mean?'

'When you touched me last night...' James looked away. 'You feel different. I know you're Uncle Sammy, but it's like...like you're not...' He sighed. 'I'll come down.' He stood up, and walked to the edge of the branch as Sam watched, then dropped himself down with his arms. Instead of letting him fall to the floor, Sam grabbed his waist and pulled him down, hugging him.

'I'm still Sam, James. Maybe a little singed.'

James looked into Sam's face for a moment, studying him. Then his mouth set into a line and he nodded once, sharply. 'Yeah, you're still Sam.' He whispered, before putting his arms around Sam's shoulders and hugging him back. Dean emerged from behind his truck, relief flooding him at seeing Sam stood under the trees with his nephew.

'James! What the hell?' He demanded, running over. Sam put James down, and the boy turned to face Dean with a guilty expression. 'Why'd you run out?'

'There was a demon!' James defended. 'I didn't know what to do!'

'Why didn't you go home?'

'I didn't wanna get Lisa in danger.' The boy replied, looking down at the floor. 'And I was scared for Ben, but I couldn't go into the school.' His eyes flicked back up to Dean. 'I forgot my bag.'

'Your damn bag don't matter.' Dean said, kneeling down and pulling James towards him, holding him close for a second. 'You did the right thing, okay?' He looked up at Sam. 'We better get him home.'

'No! I'm staying with you!' James cried out, digging his fingers into Dean's jacket. Dean sighed, pulling himself free.

'Fine. But I gotta call Lisa and let her know where you are.'

'She might be in trouble if there's demons making their move.' Sam pointed out. Dean grimaced as he yanked his phone free from his pocket. 'I can get Gwen and Mark to go over.'

'What about Ben?' James asked.

Dean placed his palm against his forehead. He hated this. Hated everything. They were trying to stay out and were just getting dragged back in. How the hell was he supposed to keep everyone safe? 'I'll call Lisa, tell her to get Ben from school, go home and salt the doors. It should be okay for now. They only seem to want James.'

'Maybe, but they'll use them to get to you and him.'

Sam's words were quiet, but they struck fear directly into the smallest Winchester, who froze with his hand on Dean's arm. 'This is my fault.' He whispered, and both grown Winchesters looked at him. 'If I wasn't here, no one would be in danger.' His voice was low, but his words were loaded with misery.

'No.' Dean grabbed him, jerking him around to face him. 'Don't you _ever_ say that.' He ordered and James nodded, but the sadness didn't leave his face. Dean picked him up, looking over at Sammy. 'Get Samuel over to my place. I'll call Lisa and pull Ben out of school. I want to know what the hell is going on here.' He glared. 'And I know you know more than you're letting on.'


	41. Chapter 41

**I'm going to apologise yet again, that I've left you all hanging for a week. I've been...er...busy...sorry? I'm not gonna be able to update every day any more, since the school term has started, which means I have to be up at the crack of dawn to get my daughter ready for school and I have work myself, and weekends are usually pretty busy with stuff nowadays. And I have to somewhere fit in my obsessive rewatches of SPN and playing COD. So...I'll will try for an update a week. Sorry again!**

* * *

'You know why they want him, Dean.'

The words were all too true and he hated them for it. He hated that the Winchester curse had survived another generation and that a six year old boy was having to face a future fighting monsters because some stupid deity deemed it so.

Their grandfather sat in his kitchen, flanked by Sam, watching the reactions flit over Dean's face. Lisa had taken the boys upstairs when they'd gotten back, and Samuel hadn't had the opportunity to meet James yet. Dean wasn't sure he wanted him to. Samuel had raised his family in a life of hunting, and would have no qualms doing it again. And Dean didn't know what to do yet. He knew what James wanted. The boy had made that much clear.

He knew he was a hunter. He knew Dean was a hunter. _'You think this is gonna work, but it's not.'_ He'd told him months ago.

And it seemed like it was coming true.

'Maybe we need to face this, Dean. James can't outrun his destiny.' Sam was talking now, and Dean turned away. 'You thought this would work, but it won't. Not forever.' The elder Winchester squeezed his eyes shut at the words, and it was James' voice saying them, not Sam's.

'He's just a kid.'

'So were we.' His brother pointed out. 'And we know what it's like. We can make it better for him.' Dean wished Alex was there. She'd know what to do. She'd take charge, make the decisions. He just felt useless. Sam was going along with what Samuel was saying, which confused him.

Lisa shouted James' name from upstairs and Dean darted into the living room to see James thundering down the stairs, Lisa and Ben hot on his heels. He jumped the last three steps, bolted past Dean, avoiding his outstretched arms, and came to a skidding halt in the kitchen in front of his uncle and great-grandfather. Inquisitive blue eyes met Samuel's gaze and the man stood.

'So you're James.' The old man said, taking a step forward. James narrowed his eyes, moving forward, bold as brass.

'Who are you?' He demanded and Dean couldn't help but laugh as he stepped into the kitchen behind the boy, Lisa and Ben behind him.

'I'm your great-grandpappy.' Samuel said, kneeling down. He extended a hand and James looked at it, unimpressed. 'It's nice to meet you.' He jerked his hand a little, and James hesitated, before putting his smaller hand in it and they shook firmly. Samuel looked up at Dean. 'Looks like you.'

'Yeah, that's what everyone says.' Dean said. James pulled his hand away and looked back.

'I wanna help.' He said, his voice firm. Lisa shook her head at Dean, who frowned.

'It's not that simple.'

'Why not? Everyone keeps saying I'm supposed to be a hunter. So why can't I be one?' The bottom lip came out, and Dean rolled his eyes. The puppy face was not going to work in this case.

'Because you're too little.'

'You was hunting at my age.' James pointed out. 'And you let me hunt when mom was alive.' Dean looked away, unable to face the accusation in the boy's eyes. 'Mom would let me hunt.'

'You don't know that.' Lisa said firmly, keeping a tight grip on Ben. 'It's safer for you here.'

'Clearly it isn't.' Samuel said, and Dean scowled at him.

'This is a family matter.' Dean said.

'Technically -' Sam started and his brother raised a finger in his direction.

'Don't you even start.'

James folded his arms and looked at his father figure with a stubborn expression. 'I wanna go with Uncle Sam. I'll be safe with him.' Dean shook his head.

'James it's not that simple.' He sighed, moving closer to the boy. 'Being a hunter is dangerous. Maybe when you're older...'

'I might be dead by then.'

And that was it. The truth fell from his lips too easily; the acceptance that he might die doing this too much for Dean to take. He looked up at Sam. 'Go back to the motel. I'll meet you there.' Sam and Samuel nodded, and made their way out of the house. Lisa watched them leave, then turned back to Dean, who had moved to grab a beer from the fridge.

'Boys. Go upstairs please.' She said, pushing Ben towards the stairs. James opened his mouth to argue, but the look on her face gave no leeway for discussion, and he slouched after Ben, scowling. When she heard them at the top of the stairs, she moved to sit next to Dean at the table. 'You need to decide, Dean.'

'I'm so sorry, Lisa.' He sighed heavily.

'For what?'

'I should've known. We couldn't outrun this thing. Couldn't hide from it.'

'Dean, you didn't know they'd find you. You were doing what was best for James. For you.' She reached out, putting a hand on his arm. He smiled weakly.

'I should've known. I should've known that if I stayed with you that something would come, because something always does. But I was stupid and reckless and...You can't outrun your past.' He scoffed a little. 'Or your future apparently.' Lisa gripped his sleeve a little tighter.

'You've already decided, haven't you? You're saying goodbye.'

Dean fiddled with the label on the bottle, not looking up, not meeting her eyes. 'I'm saying I'm sorry... For everything. Everything.'

Lisa smiled gently, rubbing his arm through his coat sleeve. 'You're an idiot. I mean, I know it wasn't greeting-card perfect, but we were in it together.'

'I was a wreck half the time.' He said. 'And James isn't the easiest kid in the world.'

'Yeah, well, the guy that basically just saved the world shows up at your door, you expect him to have a couple of issues. And James lost his mom. He's pretty much an angel considering. And him and Ben?' She shook her head, looking upwards to the ceiling, knowing the boys were most likely plotting something. 'You know what I wanted, more than anything was a guy that Ben could look up to like a dad. You gave him that, and a brother, and more. So, you're saying it's all bad, Dean?' He looked up at her, and she smiled wider. 'Cause it was the best year of my life.' She leant forward, giving him a kiss.

'We can't stay.' Dean said as she broke away.

'I know.' She replied, leaning her forehead against his.

'I need to make sure you're safe.'

'If we don't know where you are, they won't come after us right?' She said, quietly and he shrugged. 'We'll figure it out.' She sighed. 'It's going to be a nightmare separating those two.'

'They'll hate us.' Dean said. 'I don't...I don't wanna do this.'

'But you have to.' Lisa nodded. 'I'm not gonna pretend to get the world you come from, Dean. But I can try and understand what's happening now. And you know we'll always be here for you.' She rubbed a hand around the back of his neck. 'This isn't the ideal situation. But you know sooner or later something is going to draw you back in, and sitting here ignoring it...you're not a construction worker, Dean. You're a hunter.'

'You really think we can make this work?' He asked hesitantly. Lisa smiled gently.

'We can try.'

* * *

'You're not going to school today.' Dean said quietly, as James watched Ben walked out of the house with Lisa. The boy looked up at him, uncertain of what was going on. 'I need you to go upstairs and pack a bag.'

'We're leaving?' James asked hesitantly, and Dean nodded. 'We're hunting.' He said flatly.

'Yes.' Dean didn't look him directly in the eye, uncomfortable with doing so.

'I knew we couldn't stay.' The kid said quietly, not moving from his seat at the breakfast bar. 'Ben and Lisa are safer without us here. But -' He didn't continue and Dean looked up then, seeing tears in the boy's bright blue eyes. 'I'm gonna miss it here.'

'Me too.' Dean admitted.

'I'm not gonna see Ben again.' James said slowly.

'Are you saying that because you're worried about it or because you _know._'

James shook his head, sliding from his stool. 'I don't know. If I come back here, he'll be in danger again. And I don't wanna put anyone in danger. People always leave.'

'Hey.' Dean frowned, reaching out to grasp James' shoulder. 'I haven't left. I'm not going to leave, okay? Nothing bad is going to happen. We're just going back to what we were doing.' He knelt down, pulling the boy closer, leaning his forehead against him. 'I just wish I wasn't letting your mom down. I promised her...I promised her I'd keep you safe.' James pulled away, blinking at him and Dean sighed. 'Look kiddo, we do this, you can't call me Dad any more. It's not really necessary to lie to people any more. Just call me Dean okay?'

The boy frowned. 'But -'

'No, James, this is...I'm not your dad okay.' James' face fell and Dean felt something unpleasant curl in his stomach. 'I wish I was, but I'm not. Aside from the creep factor, I'd be damn proud if you were my son. Hell, I'm damn proud of you anyway.' James nodded, pulling away slightly.

'Is _he_ going to come back?' He asked quietly, referring to the absent angel.

'I don't know. He hasn't shown his face in months. Sam hasn't seen him.' Dean stood up, moving past James and into the living room, where he'd left his duffel bag. 'I don't think we're gonna have to worry about it.'

'Because he's busy with other stuff right?' James followed him, looking at the duffel. 'Can I have my gun back?'

'Yeah. It's in the Impala.'

'We get to drive Baby again?' How the kid went from deadly serious to the excitable six year old he really was in two seconds flat often confused Dean. He smiled and nodded, watching as James ran towards the stairs and thundered up them. Turning back to his duffel, he looked up at the mantelpiece briefly, considering it before grabbing the photo from Christmas and stuffing it into the bag. Lisa wouldn't mind. He wanted to keep something - something to remind him that he'd tried. Maybe he hadn't quite failed yet, but he didn't see this long distance thing working out.

If he regretted anything, it was tearing Ben and James apart. He and Lisa had decided it would be easier if they just left. If the boys were given the opportunity to say goodbye, it would only cause more heartache.

And he was causing enough.

Twenty minutes later, he was pulling the tarp off of Baby for the second time in a year, starting her up. He pulled out of the garage and around to the front of the house, just as James appeared on the porch, bag in hand. He was using the little military style rucksack Bobby had bought him for Christmas, and it hurt Dean to think he was never gonna use the backpack he'd picked out for school again. He was tearing away his childhood all over again. Sometimes he wondered who had the right to dictate their destinies like this and why they couldn't just be left alone.

If they had been, Alex might still be alive. Maybe he wouldn't have any contact with her or James, but she'd be alive and they'd be safe and that was all he wanted.

'You ready?' He asked James as he climbed into the front seat of the car.

'I'm ready. I, er, I left the games console in Ben's room. He should get it. I won't have time for games.'

Dean frowned, pulling away from the kerb, away from the most stable thing he'd ever had. Deep down, he knew it would have ended eventually, but it hurt that it had to be so soon. They hadn't even had a year.

'Have I gotta continue with school stuff?' James asked as they drove down the street and Dean looked down at him. The boy sulked, knowing the answer already, and he folded his arms. 'That sucks.' Dean chuckled, focusing on the road.

Fifteen minutes they were pulling up to the motel, finding Sam stood outside near his sleek car, his arms folded. None of the others were around. Dean pulled up beside him, rolling the window down. 'You all right?' He asked his brother, and Sam nodded.

'The others went ahead. So you're back with us, huh?'

'Yep.' Dean affirmed, looking over to James. 'Back to the family business. So whereabouts we headed?'

'Got a case. Four couples, murdered, babies stolen.' Sam unfolded his arms and shoved his hands deep into his pocket, his eyes drifting over the Impala and then back to his car. 'Guess we don't need both cars.' He said, and Dean raised an eyebrow.

'Does that mean I have to sit in the back?' James huffed. Dean chuckled and ruffled the boy's hair gently.

Sam managed a half smile before standing straight. 'Look, I'll text you the address for Samuel's place. You guys go on ahead; he's expecting you. And I'll go check out this case, it's not far from there. I'll head back afterwards, and we'll start from there.'

'Sounds like a plan.' Dean nodded, searching his brother's face. He wasn't sure what he was looking for, but whatever it was, he didn't find it, and before long, they were leaving Sam and heading down the highway towards Samuel Campbell's place. James was quiet; apparently not displeased that he'd managed to maintain the front seat of the Impala for the time being, but unwilling to talk much. Dean tried several times to prompt conversation, and in the end had given up and put some music on. After an hour of nothing but the chords of Led Zeppelin and his own hands tapping out a beat on the steering wheel, James sighed heavily and Dean paused, looking over at him. 'You okay, kiddo?'

'There's something different about Uncle Sammy.' James said, and Dean reached over to turn the stereo down.

'Well, I wasn't exactly the same when I came back from Hell. And Sam was in the Pit. God knows, that can't have been easy.' Dean's tone was flippant, and it was only when he glanced back over and saw the crestfallen look on the kid's face that he realised just how casual his wording had been, and exactly who was still in the Pit. 'Oh, hey, no, dude...you know I didn't -'

'It's okay.' James said quietly, looking down at his hands, lacing his own fingers together.

'No, it's not.' Dean rubbed a hand over his face. 'Look, if we can find a way, we'll get your mom back, yeah? Sam came back; maybe your mom already is and we just need to find her.'

'She's gone, Da - Dean.' The boy didn't say any further, and didn't look at his uncle, his eyes staring out the window at the rolling fields as they passed and Dean felt torn apart inside. He was still hoping there was a way his sister made it. Any slim chance - he'd take it. Just to give James back his mom. That would be enough. Even if she hated him for letting her son be pulled back into all this.

Even if he had to let them go.

It didn't matter if she was _alive_.

Two hours later they pulled up to Samuel's place, and Dean grimaced as he saw the ramshackled old place. It didn't look like much, but he supposed there wasn't a better place for James to be other than surrounded by hunters. At least he'd be safer here.

Dean climbed out of the car, slamming the door shut, and Gwen immediately appeared at the front of the building, her eyes landing on Dean briefly before lighting up when she saw James clamber out of his side of the vehicle. Dean rolled his eyes at her reaction - apparently there wasn't a single person James couldn't charm. She walked over slowly, sparing Dean a brief smile. 'Journey okay?' She asked, and he nodded.

'You wanna take James inside, show him where everything is? Sam went to check out that case.'

'We know. He already checked in.' She smiled down at James. 'Shall we go pick you out a room?' James nodded, following somewhat forlornly as Gwen led the way into the building. Dean watched for a moment before grabbing his own duffel and following, searching through the corridors until he spotted Mark. His cousin - or whatever he was - smiled tightly in greeting.

'Samuel's through there.' He pointed, and Dean nodded in acknowledgement before following the other man's directions. Samuel was indeed in the next room, fingering through a journal.

'Hey.' Dean said, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he regarded his grandfather. 'Sam went to check out the case.'

'Yeah, I spoke to him a couple hours ago. You find us okay?'

'Pretty specific coordinates. Nice and out the way.' Dean commented, looking around the room. There were various weapons all over the place, books of lore and other artefacts. 'James went with Gwen to find a room.'

'I mean what I say, Dean. He'll be safer with us.'

'He's had to give up his home twice now, Samuel. I don't know how he's going to deal with this. He might hate me forever.' The eldest Winchester took a seat in the empty chair opposite Samuel.

'Kids often hate their parents, Dean. Hell, your mother hated me. Hated the life.' He looked down at his journal. 'But we have to do what's best.'

'I'm not his parent.' Dean replied simply. 'His parents likely won't ever see him again.'

'Not even the angel?' Samuel asked curiously. 'You not heard from him?'

Dean shook his head, inspecting his hands so he didn't have to look up. 'No. He appeared once at Halloween, when the boys got taken...but he hasn't come back. James doesn't wanna see him anyway.'

'He'll realise when he's older that this was best.' Samuel stood up. 'I'm trying to narrow down exactly what it is that Sam is chasing. But without much to go on, it's difficult. He's gonna call in when he's checked out a few more of the crime scenes, researched the victims. For now, I'm seeing if we've got anything in the lore. Care to join me?'

* * *

It was past midnight when Dean's phone rang and he bolted upright, grabbing it quickly. He'd opted to sleep in the same room as James, and as he glanced over, he saw the boy still asleep. With a sigh, he answered the phone, pushing the covers off of his legs and swiftly moved out in the hallway. 'Hello?'

_/Dean, I need your help. Outside. Now./_ Sam sounded urgent, and the phone clicked, indicating that he'd hung up. Dean frowned, and grabbed his boots from the bedroom, slipping them on without bothering to do up the laces. He trudged down the hallway, wondering if any of the others were awake, but not seeing any sign. When he stepped out into the yard at the front of the building, Sam was leaning against the side of his stupidly sleek car, his hands in his jacket pockets and his frown fixed on the floor.

'What's up?' Dean asked, and Sam looked up at him, looking slightly relieved.

'This.' The younger brother gestured to the back seat and Dean blinked as he looked over. 'Welcome to the party, Guttenburg.' Sam watched Dean's reaction, and the eldest Winchester looked over at him.

'That's a baby.'

'I noticed.'

'What the hell are you doing with a baby?' Dean hissed and Sam rolled his eyes.

'I was checking out a possible vic. And found one. Plus the baby. Whatever was after it was there. I nicked it pretty bad with a knife but it got away.' Sam gestured to the child. 'I figured, if it wants this baby so bad, it'll come after it, right?' Dean gaped at him. 'Right?'

'Well...yeah...but, Sam, it's a freaking baby. What are we supposed to do here?'

'I figured you'd know. You're good with kids.'

'Thanks for the compliment.' Dean scowled. 'But this is a baby. I have experience from four years and up, and some sketchy memories from an angel _observing_. That doesn't qualify into childcare, Sam.'

'Well, we'll figure it out. Like we always do.'

'Geez. I don't know how we're gonna figure this one.' Dean looked around. 'We need supplies.' Sam shrugged.

'I got an arsenal in the trunk.' He offered and Dean glared at him.

'Not weapons. Diapers. Clothes. Baby stuff.'

'Gotcha.' Sam moved around to the drivers side door. 'You wanna...?' He left the question hanging, and Dean shook his head.

'We can't leave it strapped down to the back seat.' Dean commented, opening the back door. 'I'll grab it. You drive carefully.' He picked up the baby gently, cradling it's head. He remembered Cas' memories from when James was a baby; the smells and sounds of a tiny human being. He remembered watching Alex bounce James in her arms to calm him, watching her sing to him. As if on instinct, Dean started to hum as he cradled the baby against his shoulder. It didn't make much noise, even as he slid into the front seat of Sam's horrible douchey car. His younger brother stared over at him, and Dean motioned with his free hand. 'Well, I can't drive. There's gotta be a 7/11 around here somewhere.'

'There's a 24 hour Walmart about half hour away. What about James?' Sam asked, although his tone seemed distant. Dean glanced at the house.

'Place is warded. James' be fine. It's only for an hour or so. He won't even know we're gone.'

Sam nodded, and started the engine, pulling them out of the yard.

* * *

He stretched, yawning widely, rolling over on the small bed that wasn't as comfortable as _his_ bed. Except it wasn't his bed. Never would be his bed again. Which sucked. But he knew it was gonna stop being his bed sooner or later and he guessed that now this was his bed. His lumpy, uncomfortable bed. Even the bed at Bobby's was better than this.

Looking across the room, he saw Dean's bed was empty, and he sat upright, glancing around. Dean's boots were gone too, but his duffel was still there. _He hasn't ditched me._ The thought was unwanted but a genuine fear, and he swung his legs over the bed, fumbling for his own boots. It took only a few moments to have them laced up and he grabbed his gun from the floor where he'd left it, despite Dean's nagging. He tiptoed silently from the room, looking around to see if he could find his uncle.

In the room two door down, Gwen was asleep with the door open, face down on the bed, one arm slung over the side, knuckles dragging on the floor. James grinned at the goofy look on her face; he liked Gwen. She was nice to him, and she was really pretty. He put her in the same pool of people he liked as Lisa. It was funny that he made lists of people he did and didn't like, but then he was wary of the ones he didn't like. He did not like Samuel much. Samuel looked at him funny, and it made him feel squirmy.

Uncle Sammy was right at the bottom of the "people I like" list for James. There was something shifty about him. Dean said it was because he'd come back from Hell, or the Pit or whatever, but James wasn't so sure. Something in Sam made James' stomach flip uncomfortably. It was worse when he touched him and James _hated _it, because he loved his Uncle Sammy, and didn't want a reason to distrust him.

'What are you doing up, champ?' The voice made James squeak in surprise - he'd been lost in his thoughts wandering the house, and he berated himself internally because hunters, _real_ hunters, didn't get distracted like that. People shouldn't be able to sneak up on him. Even if he was out of practice. He turned around, finding Mark stood behind him. He wasn't sure about Mark - he seemed nice enough but he was quiet, and didn't seem to know how to smile.

'Da - Uncle Dean was gone. I was looking for him.' It was hard to stop calling Dean his dad; in truth he'd gotten used to it and changing it hurt. Dean was an awesome dad - way better than unnamed angels that James didn't want to think about.

'Oh. Well, Christian is on lookout. He'd have let us know if there was problem. Maybe Dean is in with Samuel.' Mark nodded his head at Samuel's study, and James turned around, raising an eyebrow.

'Okay. Thank you.' James said, and Mark watched as the boy hesitantly approached the door. He raised his hand, knocking a couple of times, looking back to Mark with a wobbly smile. The other hunter turned and walked away, barely any expression on his face. The door to Samuel's study opened and James looked in, finding Samuel stood on the other side of the door. The old man smiled at him.

'You okay, James?'

'I woke up and er, Dean was gone.' The boy looked into the room, seeing another man inside, stood by the desk with his back to him. 'I was wondering if he was in here.'

'No. He isn't. Christian says he went out with your Uncle Sam. He'll probably be back soon.' Samuel smiled, in what he probably thought was a friendly manner, but it wasn't overly friendly in James' eyes. 'Why don't you wait in here? We can get to know each other a little better.' James nodded, unwilling to defy the old man, and Samuel turned. 'Christian, you wanna get back out on watch. When Dean and Sam get back, you can tell them James is safe in here with me.' The other man in the room turned, and he approached the door. James raised his eyes as Christian passed by, and shrank back at the man's face.

Where his eyes should have been, empty sockets stared back at him, bone sticking through his cheek as gore ran down the side of his head. One ear was hanging off, and black smoke dribbled from his nose. James' gasped and looked away, and Samuel frowned.

'What's wrong?' Christian asked, and James shook his head.

'N-nothing.' The boy whispered, daring a glance back up. Christian's face appeared normal, but the edges fuzzed and he swallowed hard, looking away again.

'You look tired, kiddo.' The man grinned, patting James on the shoulder. Freezing electric went through him, and he scurried into Samuel's study without looking back. 'I don't think he likes me.' Christian commented and Samuel shrugged.

'He's an odd boy.' The old man replied, and Christian smiled, turning away to return to his duties. Samuel shut the door and looked over at James, who was stood by the chair opposite his desk, practically hugging his little shotgun. 'James? You okay?'

'Yeah. I'm fine.' James replied, looking up at his grandfather hesitantly, unsure if he'd see another distorted face. He hoped it was tiredness making him see things, and he didn't want to ever see it again. He'd seen those faces before, on demons, but Christian wasn't a demon was he? Samuel would know if he was, would kill him. He must be imagining it. 'I just thought I saw something.'

'On Christian?' Samuel asked, raising an eyebrow as he took his seat on the other side of the desk. He motioned for James to sit, and the boy climbed up onto the chair, resting his shotgun across his lap.

'No. Yes. I'm not sure.' James mumbled. 'He...he looked like a demon.'

Samuel laughed. 'Don't be silly.' He shook his head. 'He's got an anti-possession tattoo. You're just tired, boy.' That "friendly" smile graced his face again and James looked down at his gun. 'I'm sure Dean will back soon. You can stay in here until then if you're scared.'

'I'm not scared.' James raised his chin defiantly. 'Just...don't like being on my own.' He fidgeted. 'Aren't you gonna sleep?'

'I'll grab a couple of hours in the morning.' Samuel said, going back to looking through his books. 'Now, I've got some work to do.'

'Are you looking through lore?' James asked, stretching upwards to try and see. Samuel eyed him carefully, chewing the inside of his mouth.

'I am.'

'Can I help? I used to help all the time. I'm good at it.' The old man stared at him for a few moments, before nodding. James jumped down from the chair and placed his gun carefully across the seat, moving around the desk to look at the book. 'What are we looking up?'

'Anything that doesn't like silver and has a taste for babies.' Samuel watched James' facial reaction, but there was none. 'You read well then, kiddo? Aren't you in first grade?'

'I can read better than the other kids at my school.' James said, looking at the book. 'Mom and Uncle Sammy used to teach me.' He pulled the book down. 'Werewolves hate silver but they don't take whole people - they only take hearts. Maybe it's a ghoul? They eat people.'

Samuel stared at the boy for a moment. 'You are a smart little thing, huh?' He grinned, picking James up and sitting him on his lap. 'Well, how about you help me narrow down a list. Sam said this thing didn't like silver when he called me. So it's gonna be one of these monsters.' The boy looked up at him then, those bright blue eyes serious and focused.

'Okay.'


	42. Chapter 42

**Okay, I lied. Have another chapter.**

* * *

Samuel looked up at his study door opened and Gwen stepped inside. He offered her a smile, and she returned it, her eyes flicking towards the camp bed underneath the window. James was wrapped up in an old army blanket, his gun beside him as he slept peacefully. Samuel followed her gaze and smiled again.

'He didn't want to go back to his room.' The old man said. 'I don't think he likes being alone.'

'It's a strange place for him.' Gwen said, coming to stand next to the desk. 'He's such a sweet little thing.'

'I know. Hard to think that when he grows up he'll be the best there is.' Samuel sighed. 'He's incredibly smart. Sucks up knowledge like nothing I've ever seen.'

'He's not gonna get far with those boys of yours.'

Samuel's eyes narrowed. 'What makes you say that?'

Gwen shrugged, her eyes still on James. 'He needs a mom. Dean and Sam - they're good at what they do...I just don't know if looking after a little boy falls under that category.' She sighed. 'I think he should stay with us.'

'You know they won't go for that, Gwen.' Samuel stood up, moving to make himself a glass of whiskey. 'And I'm not gonna force the issue. I can suggest it to them, but we already know how that conversation is going to go.' He sighed as he sipped at the amber liquid. 'Besides, I don't think there's any one place that going to be safe for that boy. It's some kind of miracle Dean managed to keep him out of harms way as long as he did.'

The female hunter folded her arms over her chest. 'You think we can get them to stay a little longer.'

Samuel chuckled. 'You've gotten attached.'

'Please.' She scoffed. 'I'm not attached. But he's family right? Even under the usual circumstances of his existence. Part of him is Campbell. And I don't wanna see anything bad happen to him.'

'He's a hunter. Or he will be.' Samuel rested his eyes on James' blond head as he shifted under the covers. 'Chances are something bad is gonna happen to him whether we want it or not.'

The sound of a car pulling up outside caught both of their attentions. It was past sunrise, and the sound of the vehicle made James stir a little. He turned over, blinking his eyes and for a moment, looked as if he would wake up properly. Then he groaned and rolled back over, mumbling as he did so. Samuel smiled. 'You stay here with him.' He instructed Gwen. 'I'll go see if that's our wayward Winchesters back from wherever they've been.'

Gwen nodded, and watched him leave, before sitting at the side of the camp bed. She looked down on James' still form, reaching over to brush a short strand of hair off of his forehead. His nose twitched and he grumbled something, and she smiled. 'If you'd been mine, I would have fought heaven and hell to stay by your side.' James muttered something again, and snuggled further into his blankets.

* * *

It was odd to wake up to the sound of a baby gurgling. It was even weirder to open your eyes and see your uncle holding that baby. James didn't think he could be more confused. Dean, Gwen, Christian and Mark were in Samuel's study, along with him, looking at the child as if it might sprout wings. To be honest, it wouldn't surprise him if it did. Gwen was cooing at it, which was just plain sappy.

'Well aren't you just the best disguise a monster ever wore?' Gwen looked up at Dean, raising an eyebrow at the unimpressed look on his face, as he held the baby in his arms. 'I'm kidding, Dean. Relax.' Mark approached, his eyes on the baby.

'What, you got something to say? No? All right, well, you stand there and think at me.' Dean's mistrust was clear in his voice as he eyed the other hunter. Sam and Samuel chose that moment to enter the room and James slipped from the covers, attracting Gwen's attention as his boots hit the floor. She smiled brightly at him, and Dean turned to look at him. 'Hey, kiddo. You okay?'

'I'm okay.' James replied, looking at the baby. 'Where'd you find that?' Dean looked down at the baby.

'It's a shifter.'

'It's a bit small.' The boy pointed out, earning a grin from his uncle.

'What's our next move?' Sam asked, ignoring James. Samuel sighed.

'I got a couple of ideas. Dean, let me see the little guy.' He held out his hands for the baby, and Dean moved back a little. James frowned, confused. Dean had told him they would be safe here; but it didn't seem like he trusted these guys. So why had he left him here?

'That's all right, I got him.'

'What do you think I'm going to do?' Samuel asked.

'You really don't want me to answer that question.' Dean practically growled and Christian spoke up. James looked at him, holding his breath as he remembered what he'd seen the night before. Christian was looking away from him, but it didn't appear that his face was the gory visage he'd seen previously. Maybe he had been imagining it.

'Well I'm curious. Who exactly do you think we are?'

'Hunters.'

'Funny, here I've been thinking we're family.' Christian glanced to James, who looked away quickly, not wanting to look like he'd been staring.

Sam raised a hand, moving to stand in between the two. 'Hey, let's not get worked up.'

'Yeah, yeah, let's not.' Christian turned away, and Dean scowled at the back of his head.

'Here, Dean, it's fine. Let me take him. It's okay.' Sam stepped forward, and Dean hesitantly held out the child to let his brother take him. James stared at the baby, moving forward a little to stand closer to his uncle. The younger Winchester brother looked down at him with an odd smile on his face and James continued to fix his eyes on the baby, who looked back. He reached out a hand and the baby grabbed his finger, giggling as it did so. The young hunter smiled back.

'He's not bad yet.' James said quietly, as Samuel moved closer, taking the baby from Sam and breaking the contact between James and the infant.

'Huh?' Dean asked, and James looked up at him.

'He's not bad yet.' He repeated, shrugging. 'Dunno. Just know it.' Dean's eyes met Sam's and his brother shrugged, as Samuel held the baby up for inspection.

'Hey there. You're a big fella, aren't ya? Yeah. I haven't held one of these in a long time.' He looked up at Dean. 'Your mom was the tiniest. She was as bald as a cue ball.' He chuckled, and Dean rolled his eyes.

'All right, so what the hell are we going to do with him?'

'Raise him.' Samuel shrugged.

'Raise him?'

'What, you've got another suggestion?' His grandfather snapped back.

Dean gaped for a moment before trying to respond. 'But...'

'It's dangerous out there for him, Dean.' Samuel said, looking down at the baby. He tickled the palm of it's hand for a moment and the baby cooed and gurgled. James watched, fascinated by it. He'd never really seen a baby before, let alone a shifter baby.

'And what about in here? What are we gonna - study him? Poke at him?' Dean looked pissed for some reason, and James moved to stand closer to his younger uncle. Sam looked down at him with a frown, placing a hand on his shoulder. The contact made James shiver, and Sam noticed, but didn't say anything.

'Your mind goes straight to torture, Dean. Don't assume that for everyone.' Christian spat, and Dean whirled on him.

'What exactly are you trying to say?'

Christian shrugged, folding his arms. 'Sorry, I heard about what you majored in down in the Pit.' Dean's eyes went straight to James, who looked away. He knew what had happened in the Pit, had heard the screams of Alastair so long ago - he didn't need reminding. The elder Winchester scowled at Christian, his teeth ground together.

'The hell is your problem, man?'

'You're starting to become a pain in my ass.' The other hunter spat back.

'Christian, take it easy, man. He's my brother.' Sam said, his grip on James' shoulder tightening. Samuel stepped forward, holding one hand out whilst the other held the baby to his chest.

'We all done bristling up here, or what? Nobody's doing anything to him, Dean. When he's old enough, we throw it to him. He wants to volunteer to help out, that's fine.'

'Could be great.' Mark said suddenly, his eyes focused on the floor.

'How?' Dean asked.

'Think of the kind of hunter he'll grow up to be.'

Dean gaped. 'You all are joking, right? I mean, come on! You can't "Angelina Jolie" a shapeshifter. Give me the baby.'

'Why can't you give me an inch of trust, Dean?' Samuel asked, bouncing the baby a little as he started to fuss.

'Maybe because you two are suddenly back from the dead, and I seem to be the only one who wants to know how the hell that happened!'

'You're not the only one who wants to know.' Sam pointed out.

'There's just a little too much mystery with this family for me to get comfy.' Dean said, looking over at James, who didn't return his gaze.

'Then don't! But don't put it on us.' Samuel said, shaking his head lightly. 'All we're trying to do is invite you in. Christian?' The other hunter answered his call, and Samuel tilted his head a little, looking down at the baby. 'You and Arlene, still no luck on the baby front?' Dean looked between them, confused as to where it was going.

'Not yet, no.'

'But you want one?'

'Yeah, we do.'

Dean caught on suddenly, and shook his head. 'Wait, hold on.'

'It's okay, Dean. It's all right.' Samuel placated, handing the baby over to Christian, who smiled at it. 'Congrats. It's a boy.' The old man paused for a moment and shrugged. 'Sometimes.'

'The crap I do for this family.' Christian laughed as the baby grabbed his finger.

'You're kidding me, right?' Dean scoffed and Christian glared at him.

'Go to hell, Dean.'

'Well, you have no business raising anything.' The elder Winchester spat, and Sam glared at him.

'Why, Dean? Because he's a hunter? Last I checked, you're raising a kid too.' Dean looked at his brother, opening his mouth to start a fight. Suddenly the noise of dogs barking outside made the entire room turn, and James ran for his gun, abandoned by the camp bed. Samuel directed the others, taking the baby from Christian.

'Check the back door. James!' The boy turned, and found himself with a handful of baby. The child stared up at him, and James blinked at his great-grandfather, unsure of what to do. Samuel smiled reassuringly. 'Downstairs, panic room. You'll be safe there. Go. Now!' James nodded and ran, bolting from the room and towards the cellar. Gwen had shown him the panic room last night, and he took the most direct path, hearing the shouting and gun shots as he threw himself and the baby inside the room, slamming the door behind him. He backed into a corner, hiding as best as he could.

The baby started to fuss, and James held one of his hands to it's cheek, shushing it softly. 'Please be quiet, baby. I'm gonna try and keep you safe.' He whispered, hearing more gunshots and yelling. Footsteps thundered down the stairs towards the panic room, and he heard someone trying to turn the lock. The baby cried out and James winced at the noise. 'Please, shush.'

'James? It's me. Let me in, kiddo.' It was Dean. 'Come on. We need to go.'

'How do I know it's you?' James called out, then cursed himself for giving away that he was definitely in there.

'You know it's me. Come on.' The handles turned again, and James hesitated. 'Come on, kiddo. It's me, alright?' The boy didn't want to open the door. He thought back, remembering things between him and his uncle.

'You have to tell me something only me and you would know!' He blurted out.

'You're kidding me, right?' Silence for a moment, then possibly-Dean spoke again. 'You got kidnapped at Halloween.'

'Anyone could know that.' James said.

'Come on, James! Open the damn door!' A forceful kick, and James felt fear curl in his stomach. More gunshots sounded from upstairs, and Samuel shouted something loudly. 'James, they're gonna get down here and get in there. I need to get you somewhere safe!' Dean's voice sounded urgent now, and James believed it was him. He put the baby down on the floor, then pushed himself against the heavy iron deadlock. The door swung open and Dean stood, framed in the dim light.

But it wasn't Dean.

James could feel it as soon as the barrier was broken, and the shifter smiled cruelly. 'So you're the special kid, huh?' The boy backed away, feeling the un-naturalness of the creature before him, the sensation of being close to it making his stomach roll. This one was definitely bad. 'Wonder if you'd be of any use to us.'

'James!' Real Dean's voice came down the stairs, and James went to make a grab for the baby, but the shifter was quicker and faster and it threw him across the room into some crates. His head cracked against one and the room became blurry as the shifter made off with the child. James cradled his head, looking at his hand as it came away bloodied. A few seconds later and Dean skidded to a halt beside him. 'Hey! Hey! You okay?'

'He got the baby. He pretended to be you. I felt it wasn't.'

'It's okay, hey, it's okay.' Dean checked over his wound as James blinked repeatedly. As Dean watched, the blue light shimmered underneath his skin around the wound and the cut healed. A soft gasp from the doorway made him turn, and he saw his younger brother stood there, his eyes wide, and Dean knew he'd seen what James could do. He cursed softly, then pulled James up to his feet. 'We need to get the others.' He pushed past Sam, James' hand held tightly in his own.

'Dean -' Sam started.

'We'll talk later.' Dean said, pushing James ahead of him on the stairs.

* * *

If there was one thing James hated, it was funeral pyres. It was how hunters were laid to rest, and he hated them. He hated fire. The smell of a burning body made him feel like throwing up, and the smoke made his eyes sting. But he had to stand there, next to Dean, and watch as Mark's body burnt. The air was thick with tension, and that made the whole thing worse. Dean was pissed at Sam for using the baby as bait, even though Sam insisted that wasn't how it was, both James and Dean knew he was lying.

James hated that he didn't seem to know who Sam was any more.

Sam had asked questions about his abilities, and Dean had answered with minimal information. The fact that it appeared like he couldn't trust Sam either made James even more uneasy, and he made a mental note to ask Dean about it later.

After the funeral, Dean had said they would stay one more night and hit the road again, like old times. It made James feel a bit better, and Sam said he would come too, but take his own car. James didn't understand that, nor did he understand Sam's reasoning of "having it set up how he liked". Sam's car was sleek and modern, and looked horrible. It wasn't a classic. It wasn't the Impala. It wasn't _home_.

Why didn't Sam want to come with them?

When the next morning came around, he was awake before Dean and Sam, so he put his boots on and found a clean shirt, and went to find Samuel. He was in his study as usual, and he smiled as James knocked on the open door.

'Hey, kiddo. What can I do for you?'

'We're leaving today.'

'So I heard.' Samuel put down his pen, pushing his journal to the side. 'You okay with that?'

'I guess.' James shrugged, walking towards the desk. 'Things are weird.'

Samuel frowned. 'Weird how?'

'When we used to hunt...my mom was here.' The boy looked away, twisting his fingers together. 'I don't know how this is gonna turn out. It was different when it was me and Da - Dean.' He swallowed his mistake. 'Uncle Sammy is different now.'

'He's been through a lot.'

'But why'd he come back and not my mom?' James blurted out. 'It's not fair.' Samuel looked at the child in front of him, seeing the tears gather in his bright blue eyes. He knew why Gwen wanted to keep him. Anyone would. He looked so much like Dean, and Dean looked like Mary. Seeing this child, so young, so torn and tormented like no child should be - Samuel wanted to keep him here too. But he knew it would be a losing fight. The Winchesters' wouldn't let go of one of their own.

'You're gonna be okay.' Samuel said, standing up and coming to kneel before his great-grandson. He reached out one large hand and dropped it onto James' shoulder. 'I'm glad I got to meet you, James. You're a Winchester, and from what I understand, that's a pretty good thing to be in this world. But way I see it, you're a Campbell too. And you come from a long and proud line. You're gonna be a damn good hunter, you hear me?' James looked up at him, one tear escaping his eyes and running down his cheek. 'You're gonna be the best. Your uncles are gonna do right by you, and if your mom is out there, we'll find her, you got me?' James nodded. 'Good.' Samuel patted his cheek gently. 'Now, go get your uncles up. I've got a case for them.'

* * *

After booking into a motel in the centre of town, James found himself left alone whilst his uncles went to do the fed thing. He was way too young to pass for an agent, and there was no need for him to tag along. He pulled out his gun and started cleaning it, humming a Metallica tune as he did. When he was done with that, he made himself a sandwich from the meagre supplies in the fridge and poured himself a juice.

A few hours later, he was dozing on the bed when the door opened and Sam walked in, holding a jar of something as Dean followed close behind. He was on the phone and he smiled at James as he carried on talking.

'I know, Ben, but you need to tell your mom the truth. Huh? Yeah, he's here.' Dean rolled his eyes. 'Yeah, hang on.' He held out the phone. 'Ben wants to talk to you.'

James jumped off the bed and ran over, grabbing the phone. 'Hey Ben! Yeah? No way! That's awesome.'

Sam looked over at his nephew, then to Dean. 'Close huh?'

'Yeah, well.' Dean shrugged, trailing off as he pulled files out of the duffel. 'They haven't spoken since we left. Ben's been acting out. Lisa thinks its because he doesn't have his partner in crime about any more.' Sam raised an eyebrow, placing the jar he'd brought in on the desk. It was full of live locusts.

'Okay. Yeah, totally. We might be able to soon. Nah it's boring. Okay, I'll tell him. Bye.' James hung up and passed the phone back to his uncle. 'Ben says we need to go home soon for visit.'

'It's been a few days.' Dean pointed out. 'Maybe when we've got a lull in cases we can go back for a bit.'

James pouted, sitting on the edge of the bed. 'This is the third case in a week.'

'And the first one still isn't solved.' Sam pointed out. Dean looked over his shoulder at his brother. 'Want a beer?' The younger Winchester brother asked, and Dean frowned, but nodded.

'Can I have one?' James asked cheekily.

'No.' Dean said in tandem with Sam. James sulked and stood up, walking over to the desk.

'What're those?' He poked at the jar, and one of the locusts jumped up. The boy stared at them, fascinated. 'They're cool.'

'They're locusts.' Sam said. 'They ate their way out of some guys brain.'

'Sam!' Dean admonished.

'What?' His brother defended, shrugging. 'He's a kid. Kids find that stuff cool.'

'He'll have nightmares.'

'It's hardly the worst thing he'll hear or see, Dean.'

Dean gaped at him, then shook his head, turning in his chair to pull a case file over. 'Whatever, dude.' He sighed, pulling the jar away from James, who followed it with his gaze. 'Sweet. Blood, boils, locusts.' He pushed the first case file away. Sam took the seat opposite as James continued to stare at the bugs in the jar.

'Three of your more popular Egyptian plagues.'

Dean picked up the jar, inspecting it again. 'Yeah, but these guys... ate their way out of a cop's melon. I don't quite remember that in the King James.'

'Was it really gross?' James asked, looking up at Dean, who rolled his eyes but grinned all the same.

'It was seriously gross.' He replied and James grinned back.

'Meanwhile, a kid named Christopher Birch _was_ shot in the head last month after a vehicle pursuit. Hatch, Gray, and Colfax were the three officers involved, and they all filed the exact same police report.' Sam dropped the police report in front of his brother who picked it up and read through.

'"Suspect exited vehicle brandishing a firearm. We were forced to fire." "Just a kid with no face and a planted gun." Bunch of dicks. So they pop the kid, plant the piece.'

'Maybe Colfax is right. You know, maybe heaven has a hate-on for bad cops.'

'So we're listening to the guy with the bug in his custard? That's - that's the, uh, the theory you want to go with?'

'Dean, angels got to have something to do, right, now that we're post-Apocalypse?' Neither man noticed James stiffen at the mention of angels, and he slunk away to the bed again, watching intently as Dean swigged from his beer. After taking a hefty swallow, his gaze drifted to his nephew and he chewed his lip thoughtfully.

'Maybe we should...maybe we should try calling Cas.' James' eyes widened at Dean's suggestion.

'You're kidding, right?' Sam scoffed. 'Dean, I tried. It was the first and second and third thing I did, soon as I got topside. Son of a bitch won't answer the phone. He's spent ten month ignoring his own son. You really think he's gonna answer now?' The slamming of a door indicated that James had gone into the bathroom. Dean sighed.

'I don't think we have a choice here. We may as well give it a shot.' He stood up and walked over to the bed, beer still in hand as he sat on the edge, shutting his eyes. 'Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here.'

'You're an idiot.' Sam said.

Dean cracked one eyes open and pointed a finger at him. 'Stay positive.'

'Oh, I _am_ positive.' His brother shot back.

'Come on, Cas! Don't be a dick. We got ourselves a... plague-like situation down here, and... do you...do you copy?' He opened his eyes and looked around, sighing as he heard James kick the bath in anger. Sam turned in his chair.

'Like I said. Son of a bitch doesn't answer.' The fluttering of wings had Dean looking up in amazement and Sam stilled. 'He's right behind me, isn't he?' He turned, and Castiel looked down at him.

'Hello.' The angel said gruffly, and Sam gaped for a moment, before both Winchesters stood. Castiel looked around briefly, before landing his eyes back on the brothers.

'Hello?' Sam repeated, and Cas raised his chin, looking at him in confusion.

'Yes.'

'Hello.' Sam lowered his voice, imitating the angel. 'Hello?'

'Uh, that is still the term?' The angel replied and Sam threw his hands up.

'I spent all that time trying to get through to you. Dean calls once, and now it's "Hello"?!'

'Yes.' Castiel said simply.

'So, what, you - you like him better or something?' Sam asked, and Castiel walked past him, sighing. The bathroom door opened a crack and James peeked through. Dean glanced over at him, worry on his face as Cas stood in front of Sam.

'Dean and I do share a more profound bond.' He turned to Dean. 'I wasn't gonna -' He spotted James, and froze. 'James.' The bathroom door slammed shut, and Dean winced. Cas looked at the hunter, tilting his head to the side. 'He's angry with me.'

'You blame him?' Sam asked. 'I'm pretty pissed at you actually.'

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose as the angel span to face Sam again. 'Cas...look, Sam went to Hell for us. I mean, he really took one for the team, remember that? And then he comes back without a clue, and you can't take five friggin' minutes to give him some answers?'

'If I had any answers, I might have responded. But I don't know, Sam. We have no idea who brought you back from the cage... or why.'

'So... it wasn't God?' Sam asked hesitantly, his eyes flickering to Dean, and the angel shook his head.

'No one's even _seen_ God. The whole thing remains mysterious.'

'What the hell does that mean?' Sam scoffed, and Cas threw his hands up.

'What part of "I don't know" escapes your understanding?' The angel seemed angry now, and Dean took a step closer, raising his hands, palms flat.

'Cas, look, if Sam calls, you answer. Okay? You wing your ass down here, and you tell him, "I don't know." Just because we have some sort of a - a bond or whatever...'

Cas turned on him then, raising an eyebrow at him. 'You think I came because _you_ called? I came because of this.' He approached the table, placing his hand on the research the boys had left laid out there.

'Oh, well, it's nice to know what matters.' Dean muttered sarcastically.

'It does help one to focus.' The angel said, completely missing the point of what Dean had said. Sam frowned at him, looking back to the research.

'Wait, so you and the Halo Patrol, you guys aren't the cause of these killings?' Castiel looked up, shaking his head.

'No. But they were committed with one of our weapons. There's only one thing that could have brought this into existence. You call it the Staff of Moses.' Both Winchesters looked at him in confusion, then looked at each other.

_'The_ Staff?'

Castiel picked up the jar of locusts, inspecting them closely as they jumped and climbed over each other in the container. 'It was used in a dominance display against the Egyptians, as I recall.'

'Yeah. That one made the papers.' Dean scoffed.

'But I thought the Staff turned, like, a _river_ into blood, not one dude.' Sam pointed out and Cas shrugged.

'The weapon isn't being used at full capacity. I think we can rule Moses out as a suspect.' He was deadly serious, and Dean felt a smirk coming onto his face, but he reigned it in, focusing on the subject at hand. Another thud came from the bathroom, and he winced, knowing that James was likely kicking something again. When they gave him Dean's DNA, they apparently included the temper and the inclination to destroy things when pissed off. Cas looked at the bathroom door, concern on his face.

'Okay, but... what is - what is Chuck Heston's disco stick doing down here, anyway? I mean, don't you guys put away your toys?' Dean asked, but Cas was still staring at the door, and Dean waved a hand in front of his face, getting the angel's attention. Cas blinked and looked back to him.

'Before the apocalypse, Heaven may have been corrupt, but it was stable. The staff was safely contained.' He sighed. 'It's been chaos up there since the war ended. In that confusion, a number of... powerful weapons were... stolen.'

'Wait, you're saying your nukes are loose?' Dean said slowly and Cas nodded, his eyes once again drifting to the bathroom door.

'Yeah, I'm afraid so. But you've stumbled onto one of them. We must find the weapon that did this.' He gestured to the jar of locusts still in his hand. 'I need your help.'

'That's rich. Really.' Sam said, rolling his eyes. Castiel threw the jar at Sam, who caught it with a scowl.

'Sam, Dean, my "people skills" are "rusty."' He held his hands up to emphasis quotation marks. 'Pardon me, but I have spent the last "year" as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent. But believe me, you _do not_ want that weapon down here. Help me find it. Or more people will die.'

Dean stared at him for a moment. 'All right. Okay. Well, if the angels didn't pull the trigger, then that brings us back to motive.' The bathroom door cracked open again, but none of them noticed this time.

'What?' Castiel asked. Sam turned around, leafing around for the police report and newspaper clippings. Dean looked over at Castiel, explaining what they'd found.

'Back to the case. Right now, we got three dead cops. Only thing linking them... is this. "Father of slain suspect calls for investigation."'

'So we have to follow this newspaper report?' Cas asked, and Dean made to reply, before he noticed that the bathroom door was fully open and a disgruntled looking James stood in the doorway, his arms folded and his scathing blue gaze on the angel. Cas saw Dean's head turn, and followed his line of sight, his posture going rigid as he saw the boy in the doorway. James glared at him.

'James.' Cas breathed, his eyes taking in every little detail. 'You have grown taller.'

'Yeah, that happens.' Sam said sarcastically. Dean shot him a warning look, then watched as Cas took a few tentative steps towards James, who immediately scooted from the doorway and sidled round the angel to stand by his uncles. Cas tilted his head to the side, watching him.

'Does he have to be here?' The boy asked, his eyes still on Cas as he spoke to Dean, who knelt down. The elder Winchester took the boy's elbow, smiling reassuringly.

'Looks like this is an angel thing, kiddo.' He said quietly. 'You can stay here if you want.' James nodded, not looking away from the angel in front of him. Cas made to say something, but apparently thought better of it, his shoulders sagging as he looked down at the floor. Dean stood up, his hand remaining in contact with James, wanting to scream at the angel that James wasn't _his_ any more, that he was Dean's, that he'd given him up, and of course he'd grown, it'd been ten damn months since the angel had seen him properly, since he'd acknowledged him.

But he couldn't. Instead, he patted James' shoulder, smiling tightly.

'We should go.'


	43. Chapter 43

**This chapter is canon heavy but these parts were needed. Things will be picking up soon, and I hope to have another chapter up in the next couple of days, and Alex will be back soon, people, just bear with me!**

* * *

Not even an hour later, when they suddenly appeared back in the motel room, James was watching cartoons. When he saw his uncles and Castiel, a small body slung over his shoulder, he turned off the television and scrambled to his feet, confused as to what was going on.

'Cas, you realize you just kidnapped a kid?' Dean said, and James' eyes widened as he watched the angel place the unconscious boy on the bed. Cas stood straight, looking back at the brothers, not looking at James.

'If the angel we seek truly bought this boy's soul, when a claim is laid on a living soul, it leaves a mark, a brand.'

Sam made a face. 'What, like a - like a shirt tag at camp?'

For a moment, Cas looked confused as hell by the reference. 'I have no idea. But I can read the mark and find the name of the angel that bought the soul.'

'How?' Dean asked, and James moved forward past him, feeling his uncle's hand grip his shoulder to stop him going any closer. Castiel sighed, finally looking at James, regret on his face.

'Well, painfully for him. The reading will be excruciating.' Dean's face contorted in horror, and James pulled away from his grip.

'Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.' The hunter said, holding his hands up. Behind him Sam did nothing. James approached the bed, looking down at the boy, who was a few years older than him.

'Dean.' Cas started, but Dean cut him off.

'He's a kid, Cas. A ki- Sam?' He looked to his younger brother for back up. For a second, Sam didn't say anything.

'Any permanent damage?' Sam asked the angel, and Dean's eyes widened. He hadn't been expecting that from his brother. Normally he'd expect Sam to be on the same page as him, defending the boy, not asking _that_.

'What?' He demanded, but Sam ignored him and Castiel answered the previous question.

'Physically, minimal.'

'Oh, well, yeah, then by all means, stick your arm right in there.' Dean said sarcastically, watching James stood by the boy on the bed. Cas looked down, looking at both children.

'Dean!' He said, impatiently. 'If I get the name, I can work a ritual to track the angel down.'

'And I'm all for that. But come on. There's got to be another way.' Dean replied, somewhat desperately.

Cas shook his head. 'There is no other way.'

'You're gonna torture a kid?'

The angel paused, his eyes on James, before he looked back up to Dean. 'I _can't_ care about that, Dean! I don't have the luxury.' He moved slightly closer to the bed, and James looked up at him.

'What if it was me?' The boy asked, and Cas froze. For a moment, Dean watched, hoping this would change his mind. But then Cas dropped his hand to the unconscious boy's chest, pushing in, light surrounding them and the boy let out a pained scream. James' face contorted in terror as he backed away, watching the boy's body lit up from the inside. The screams continued until Cas withdrew his hand and the light faded, the boy unconscious once more. James stared at Cas, who avoided his gaze and looked over at Dean.

'He'll rest now.'

'Did you get a name? What is it?' Sam asked, and Dean frowned at him and his lack of concern for the child on the bed. James was frozen on the second bed, staring at the angel still.

'I thought he died in the war.' Cas replied.

'What, he was a friend or something?'

'A good friend.'

Dean let out a dry laugh. 'Yeah, well, your frat buddy is now moonlighting as a crossroads demon.'

'Balthazar. I wonder...' Cas trailed off, looking down at the hand he'd just used to read the boy's soul.

'So we can find him now, right?' Sam said. The fluttering of wings indicated another angel's prescence and they all looked over to a suited angel stood by the door. The angel smiled, looking at Castiel.

'Balthazar. Thanks, Castiel. We'll make good use of the name.' He charged forward, drawing an angel blade. Cas jumped back, pulling his own out just in time to block a blow from the other angel. 'And by the way, Raphael says hello.' Cas pushed him backwards and he stumbled towards James, who jumped out of the way. The angel looked up, seeing the young hunter, and his eyes widened. 'You. We've been looking for you.' He rolled to the side as Cas brought his weapon down again, and kicked out, causing the trench coated angel to fall backwards. James jumped over the bed and ran to Dean, who pushed him backwards towards Sam.

Castiel climbed to his feet, not as quick as the other angel, who kicked his blade away and tried to come at him again. Spinning away, Castiel kicked his blade from his hand and they grappled, knocking over the television with a crash. Cas punched the angel, who retaliated and they stumbled back, crashing through the window to fall six storeys down. A crash brought all three Winchester's running to the window. On the ground, both angels lay in the mangled wreck of Sam's car.

'My car.'

Dean nodded once, making a face. 'Okay. Silver lining.' Sam glared at him.

Both angels disappeared from beside the wreck, and they turned to find Castiel back in the room, his shoulders heaving slightly. 'He's gone.'

'Who was that?' James asked, looking down at the angel blades on the floor. Cas picked them up, putting his own away as he considered the other. Without saying anything, he handed it to James, who looked at it for a long moment.

'A soldier of Raphael. He must have followed me when I answered your call.' Both elder hunters looked up at that.

'Raphael? The archangel?' Cas didn't confirm or deny Sam's question as he moved to rifle through the cupboards. 'I'm sorry, what's going on here?'

'I can explain later. Right now we have to -' Dean cut Cas off, standing in front of him and blocking his move.

'No, not later. Now. Stop, all right? Too many angels, Cas! I don't know who's on first, what's on second.'

'What _is_ "second"?' The angel asked, and James opened his mouth to reply, but stopped when Dean held a hand up.

'Don't start that.'

Cas huffed, and looked Dean straight in the eye. 'It is simple: Raphael and his followers, they want him to rule Heaven. I - and many others - the _last_ thing we want is to let him take over. It would be catastrophic.'

'You're talking civil war.' Sam deduced and Cas nodded.

'Technically, yes. Which is why we have to find Balthazar and his weapons before Raphael does. Whoever has the weapons wins the war.' The angel pushed past Dean and pulled Sam's weapons bag from under the bed, going through it. Sam glared.

'Help yourself.'

Dean watched as Cas drew a knife from the bag and a flash of holy water. 'And what happens if Raphael wins? What - what does he want?'

The angel didn't look up as he replied, carrying the items to the kitchen. 'What he's always wanted - to end the story the way it was written.'

'You mean the Apocalypse, the one that we derailed?' Dean asked, and James looked at Cas with worry on his face.

'Amongst other things.' Cas paused then, looking up at James. 'And he wants him. Which is why we must...why I must end this.'

'Why?' Dean asked. 'Why does he want James?'

'I need myrrh.'

And he was gone, all three hunters looking around. Dean scowled. 'Freakin' angels.' They turned as Cas reappeared in the kitchen, drawing on the table with chalk. 'Why does Raphael want to bring back all this crap?'

'He's a traditionalist.' Cas looked up briefly as Dean moved closer. 'And James was destined for one of two paths. Raphael believes his path lays as a warrior of heaven.' He dropped ingredients in the bowl.

'Cas, why didn't you tell us this?' The eldest Winchester asked, as James stood staring at them.

'I was ashamed. I expected more from my brothers. I'm sorry. Now I need your blood.' He reached over, grabbing Dean's wrist and quickly slicing his palm. Blood dripped into the bowl as Dean tried to pull away.

'Whoa, whoa! Hey! Ahh! Why don't you use your own?'

'It wouldn't work. I'm not human.' The angel replied without looking up. Dean squeezed his hand shut, letting blood drip into the bowl as Cas threw in the myrrh and other ingredients. In the distance, sirens sounded, and Sam glanced over at the window nervously. The destruction of his car would not have gone unnoticed, and there was an unconscious boy in the room that had probably be reported missing by now. Cas began to chant in Enochian.

'Uh, Cas, how long does this spell take?'

For a long minute, the sirens got louder and Cas didn't reply. Then he looked up, a frown on his face as he headed for the door. 'Got him. Let's go.'

'Whoa, whoa, whoa. What about him?' Dean gestured towards the boy on the bed. 'What about James?'

'Don't you think the police will take him home?' Cas said, raising an arm to the window, indicating the loud sirens coming towards the building. 'James will have to come with us.'

'What about the angels?' James asked. The angel looked at him, blue eyes flashing as he sighed.

'We don't have a choice.'

* * *

They'd made him stay in the Impala, and he hadn't argued. James _hated _angels. They were nothing like he'd imagined when he was younger, and whenever they were around he felt uneasy, as if something inside him was rebelling against them. He'd never mentioned it to anyone, but recently the feeling had extended to Castiel as well, especially after seeing what he'd done to that boy in the motel room. It didn't even seem like he was the same person he had been.

James couldn't help but wonder if losing his mom had made Castiel and Sam into different people. The only one who didn't seem to change was Dean; he only seemed sadder than he had before. James could understand that. That was normal. Turning into someone else completely was impossible right? He didn't get it. Not one bit.

A small part of him was wishing he'd stayed at the Campbell compound. As much as Christian freaked him out, and Samuel was a boring old man, at least they'd been willing to teach him and train him, and didn't treat him like a little baby. Except Gwen - she kinda babied him but it was okay cos she was a girl and girls' did that sort of thing. And besides she was pretty, and nice to him.

The only person who seemed to want to be nice to him around here was Dean. Sam wasn't particularly _mean_, but he was cold and uncaring, and Castiel was downright terrifying now. James didn't know how to approach or talk to either of them.

Flashes of lightening surrounded the building that the hunters and the angel had gone into, and James ducked down in the back seat of the Impala. That was the downside to the destruction of the douchebag car Sam was driving; he was once again relegated to the backseat, which _sucked_. Although it was slightly easier to hide in, so he was grateful for it right now, upon seeing the three angels appear on the lawn. There was black guy in the middle of them, and he turned his head towards the car slowly. James dropped himself to the floor of the car, closing his eyes and holding his breath.

_I'll be back for you._

The voice was cold and felt like needles in his brain, and he curled himself up into a ball, shaking hard. He didn't know who the voice was, but it was the single most terrifying thing he'd ever heard. Even Lucifer didn't seem as scary as this guy.

Moment passed, feeling like hours, and the lightening went away, but he heard screaming. Sitting the car was becoming unbearable and he popped his head up to look through the window, his hand groping around in the darkness to find his sawn off. When his fingers clasped around it, he opened the door and kept low and to the shadows as he sprinted across the lawn. Finding the front door was easy - his uncles had left it wide open. As he rounded a corner and saw the salt all over the floor, he frowned, then looked up as he heard voices and saw fire.

A tall blonde man was stood in a circle of holy fire, Dean and Sam on one side, Castiel stood the other. James looked to the angel, and Cas looked back, a little confused to see him there.

'Castiel, I stood for you in heaven, are you just going to let -' The man in the fire paused and looked down at James, his eyes lighting up. 'Well, well, well.' He folded his arms, looking between Castiel and the boy. 'You're brave, being here. Luckily Raphael is a pile of salt right now, so you're safe for the time being.'

James' eyes went back to the pile of salt, and he took a step back. 'That's Raphael.'

'He can't hurt you.' Castiel said, quietly. 'His vessel was destroyed.'

'Thanks to me.' Balthazar said slowly. Dean glared at him, moving closer to James. 'You are a stunning little boy. I can see why Raphael wants you so bad. Potent mix of demon and angel, and human of course. And so very..._talented_.' He looked up to Castiel. 'You did well keeping him hidden. Explains why you're being such an immeasurable dick right now, seeing as he hates you.' Castiel blinked, and James took that opportunity to dart over to Dean, keeping close to his uncle. 'Wait...nope, he's just terrified of you.' Balthazar laughed. 'That's sweet. He's far too easy to read, Cas.'

'You gonna take that marker of Aaron Birch's soul or not?' Dean demanded, his eyes fixed on the angel in the fire.

'Very well.' Balthazar huffed, raising his hands to his forehead. 'The boy's debt is cleared. His soul is his own.'

'Why are you buying up human souls anyway?' The eldest Winchester asked.

'In this economy? It's probably the only thing worth buying. Do you have any idea what souls are worth? What power they hold?' The angel grinned, flexing his arms. 'Now. Release me.'

Suck it, ass clown. Nobody said anything -' Castiel interrupted Dean, extinguishing the flames with a motion of his hand. The hunter glared at the angel. 'Cas, what the hell?'

'My debt to you is cleared.' Castiel said stiffly, looking at Balthazar.

'Keep your boy safe, Castiel.' The blond angel said, then disappeared in a fluttering of wings. James looked over at the remaining angel, then glanced up at Dean.

'Cas? Are you out of your mind?' Dean demanded, only for the trench coated angel to look over at him, and then to disappear. 'Cas?' The hunter threw his hands up in the air. 'Oh, friggin' angels! Come on!' He glanced at Sam. 'I'm so sick of those dicks.'

'Yeah, well. At least that's one case solved. But it looks like James isn't gonna be safe from angels or demons.' Sam said, looking down at the holy oil in his hands, turning the flask over and over. James stared at the charred circle on the floor.

'When I was outside, I saw Raphael.' The boy said quietly, and Dean knelt down to his level. 'He said he'd be back for me.' Wide blue eyes clashed with green as the boy stared at his uncle in fear. 'Why do they want me too? Why does anybody want me?'

'Cause you're special, kid.' Sam said without malice, but the amusement in his voice gave Dean pause, and he added it to all the other little things Sam had done to get his hackles up in the last few days. James looked even more terrified by this.

'They're not gonna get you, kiddo. You know we're here to keep you safe.'

'Didn't sound like they was gonna give up, Uncle Dean.' James said quietly. 'I don't wanna get anyone killed. Not again.' Dean sighed, pulling James close to him.

'You never got anyone killed in the first place, James. Stop thinking like that.' Dean looked over at Sam, before releasing James and standing up. 'How about we blow this glorified Playhouse and get back on the road. We need to get Sam's stuff out of the douchemobile before we go.' He grinned widely at his brother, which earned him a glare in response.

* * *

Dean watched as James threw stones into the river, making them bounce on occasion but mostly just causing big splashes. The boy had been quiet since leaving the mansion, and hadn't slept much. Dean didn't know whether it was everything that had happened or just seeing Cas again. He was beginning to hate the angel for what he'd become. As Sam approached with his duffel bag, he moved around the Impala, opening the trunk and making some space for his brother's stuff.

'Didn't realise I had so much stuff in here.' He said, pushing a few shotguns out of the way, and Sam grunt beside him.

'Yeah well, I need some space. Picked up a few things along the way.' The younger Winchester dumped a few weapons in the trunk, then Dean pulled the false bottom back over, leaving Sam to put the rest of his things in the top of the boot. He paused as Dean watched, reaching into the very back of the trunk, pulling out a baseball mitt. He held it up and Dean took it, feeling the supple leather under his hands.

'We used to go on Saturdays.' He said, reminiscing, his eyes leaving the mitt to glance at James once more.

'Huh.' Sam said, and Dean tossed the mitt back into the trunk, shutting it on the memories. The boys moved to their respective sides of the car, leaning on the roof, giving James a few more moments of freedom before they hit the road.

'So, uh, you okay?' Dean asked his brother and Sam squinted at him in the bright daylight, looking confused.

'Me? Yeah, I'm great.'

'Really? Cause there's been a few times that you got me wondering.'

'Come again?'

'Well, like where were you when Cas was, uh, giving the Holy Taser treatment to that kid?' Dean searched his brother's face for any sign, and Sam held his hands apart in an open gesture.

'I was right there.'

'Really? 'Cause honestly, I felt like I was the only one raising a card.'

'Right.' Sam caught on, looking down at the roof of the car before looking back up at his brother. 'Uh, I mean, I was with you, but...I don't know. W-we needed the intel.' The words sounded so false to Dean it was unreal, and he decided to push a little harder.

'Yeah, I know, but we tortured that kid to get it.' Sam didn't reply, he just sighed and Dean stared at him. 'I just didn't get the feeling that you - that you even cared.'

'You're wrong.' Sam said firmly, and Dean shrugged.

'Hey man, I'm just trying to figure this out because... something's different with you. You know that.'

Sam looked over towards James, who was still throwing rocks into the creek, not even attempting to skim them any more. 'Yeah. Yeah, I know.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. I mean... I've been hunting non-stop for nearly a year, kind of... kind of on the wild, you know? So, yeah, I suppose I'm a little rough around the edges.' The youngest Winchester didn't meet his big brother's eyes and Dean smelt a rat straight away. He decided to drop the subject and let Sam think he bought the crap he was selling.

'Yeah, I get that. I just don't think I'm getting the whole scoop. You went to hell, Sam. And believe me, I know what that does to a guy.'

'To you.' The two words were like a slap in the face and Dean stood straight as Sam looked at him, finally making eye contact.

'What?'

'You know what it does to _you._ It - it tortured _you._ You know? I think it still does. But, Dean... I'm okay.' He shrugged as if it was more a trip to Walmart than a spell in the cage with Lucifer and Michael. _And Alex._

'So you're saying, what, that you're stronger than me?' Dean asked, unable to believe what his brother was saying. Sam chuckled dryly.

'No. Just saying we're different.' He slapped the roof of the car and opened the door, sliding into the passenger seat. Dean stared at the spot where his brother had been stood for a few moments, then looked over at James.

'Hey! Come on James. We gotta hit the road.' The boy stood up from his position at the creek edge and trudged over as his uncle opened the door for him. Before he climbed into the car, he looked up at Dean, a forlorn look on his sleep deprived face. 'What's up, kiddo?' Dean asked, and James shrugged.

'Nothing.' For a moment, Dean thought he was going to say more, but James crawled into the back seat and lay down, not bothering with his seatbelt. He shut his eyes and Dean watched him for a moment before getting into the drivers seat. Sam looked over at their nephew, then shrugged his coat off, throwing it over the boy. Dean raised an eyebrow, confused by the action and Sam looked back up at him.

'What? He might get cold.' Sam defended and Dean looked away, confused by Sam's conflicting behaviour. He turned the Impala on, flinging his arm over the back of Sam's seat to reverse away from the creek and onto the road, his eyes flitting down to the tired boy on the back seat. James wouldn't be awake for long, judging by the way his eyes were drifting shut.

Hopefully he'd stay asleep the whole way.

* * *

It was three days later and heading into March that the boys caught a case. A series of grizzly murders, mostly in parks, the victims torn up really good and hearts missing. It didn't take long to deduce that it was not a werewolf, mainly due to the fact that the murders all took place at random times and not at a full moon or the nights around it. James had perked up at the thought of something to do, and they'd headed out to the place the bodies had been found previously.

The children screaming in the playground caught the boy's attention for a moment, and he glanced over, wondering briefly if Dean would let him go play for a little while; before he remembered that they were here on a job and he was a hunter again now. No time for that.

A small trail of blood led them to the latest victim, and James stared at the corpse, which was mostly torn up, a hole in it's chest. Sam pulled out his EMF reading, as Dean bent down, pulling a latex glove on and examining the corpse. James looked around the surrounding foliage, looking for anything else. 'No EMF.' Sam commented. 'Find anything in there?' Dean pulled his hand out of the body, ripping the glove off and dropping it to the floor.

'Nope.'

'I found something.' James said, bending to pick an object up off of the floor. 'It looks like a claw.' He held it up, and Dean took it from him, inspecting it closely.

'What in the hell has a claw like that?' Sam asked and Dean shrugged, pulling out his phone.

'Good question.' He dialled Bobby's number. They'd only spoken once since he'd gotten back on the road, and it had been mostly to confirm that Bobby had known Sam was back the whole time. Dean had been pretty angry about it, but when Bobby had said it was simply because Dean had _wanted_ out, had wanted James out, Dean had relented, and accepted Bobby's apology, knowing he couldn't change the past anyway.

'Maybe he's in the can.' Sam suggested, when it became apparent Dean was just listening to the phone ring. Finally Bobby answered, somewhat gruffly.

'What happened? You fall and can't get up?' Dean joked, and Bobby grumbled on the other end of the phone. 'We're in Wisconsin. Six bodies, chests cracked wide open. No EMF, no sulfur, no hex bags.' He paused, holding up the claw. 'We did find this though, hold on.' He pulled the phone away, snapping a picture of it, and quickly emailing it over. 'Okay, check your wagon.' He waited for a moment as Bobby downloaded the photo from his email, then confirmed it was nothing he'd ever seen before. 'Yeah, we need an ID, ASAP. This thing is on a rampage. Call us as soon as you dig something up.' Dean frowned up at Sam as Bobby said something, then shrugged. 'Well then, kick Bo Derek out of your bathtub. We got a case here.' He hung up, and stood straight, inspecting the claw.

'Is Grandpa okay?' James asked, hesitantly. Dean pocketed the claw, smiling down at him.

'He's fine, just his usual grumpy self.'

* * *

They were eating take out in a motel room when Dean's phone rang again. He answered it, still chewing on his burger, and frowned at the voice on the other end of the phone. 'Come again?' Sam looked at him expectantly as his brother dropped the burger back into it's container and stood up. 'Yeah, well, looks like this freak is immigrating. It's snacking on cheese heads.' He sighed. 'How do we gank it?' A pause as he listened to Bobby speak. 'Gotcha.' He hung up, looking at the other two hunters in the room. 'It's a Lamia. And we need a silver knife blessed by a father. Shouldn't be too hard.'

James ran over to his uncle's duffel bag, rooting around and bringing out the silver hunting knife with the pentagram on the hilt. He held it up and Dean grinned. 'This'll work right?'

'Should do.' Sam said, standing up and throwing the remains of his dinner in the trash. 'We should get moving then. Sooner we gank this thing, sooner we can get back to case number one.'

'Case number one?' James asked, frowning at his uncle.

'Who's after you.' Dean said, throwing the rubbish from their food in the bin. He grabbed his car keys and took the knife from James. 'There was a church near where the bodies were found right? Maybe that priest would be willing to lend a blessing.'

'Shouldn't be too difficult to persuade him.' Sam agreed, as he followed Dean out the door. James was just behind, and reluctantly climbed into the back seat of the Impala. He hated sitting in the back. But Sam was bigger and a grown up and that meant he got shotgun.

Sometimes James missed when it was just him and Dean.

As they pulled up to the church, Dean slipped the knife into his jacket, and James hid his shotgun like he'd been taught. All three of them walked towards the church, the two adults flanking James. He stared dead ahead, wondering why he had a funny feeling in his stomach. 'Da-Dean.' Dammit, he needed to stop slipping up like that. 'Something's not right.' Dean looked down at him as Sam opened the church door.

'Whaddya mean?' Dean asked, following his brother inside as James hung back a little, his steps into the church slow.

'Er, Dean?' Dean turned towards his brother's voice, looking down at the floor where the dead priest lay, a gaping hole in his chest. James cocked his shotgun, looking around. 'I think the priest is a bust, man.' Sam held out his own gun, and Dean drew the knife, knowing it was useless but brandishing it anyway. A growling came from the darkness beyond the pews, and Sam span on his heel just in time to be thrown to the ground by the Lamia. James ran forward, and Dean pulled out his cell, knowing Sam could hold his own for a moment. James fired the gun and Dean ducked his head at the noise.

'What's another way to kill a Lamia?' He asked as Bobby picked up the phone. He could literally hear the frustration in the old man's voice as he asked what had happened to their first place, his eyes going back to the dead priest on the floor. 'That didn't pan out. What's plan B?' Dean winced as Sam hit a pillar hard and James fired again. The Lamia turned, it's eyes fixating on the boy and Dean took a step forward. James tossed his gun in the air, grabbing it by the barrel and slamming the butt into the monster's face. It staggered backwards and Dean blinked, impressed by the move.

'Come on Bobby, get the lead out!' Dean yelled as Sam pulled himself up from the floor, grappling the Lamia from behind as James reloaded his gun. Bobby asked if there was a kitchen, and Dean looked around, spotting the rectory kitchen behind him. 'Yeah.' He ran forwards, and left Sam to fight the demon, James letting off shots at it. He heard the gun being dropped to the floor as it was emptied, and knew he had to hurry. He rifled through the cupboards, looking for the ingredients Bobby was spouting off, hearing the old man talking to someone else on the other end of the phone. 'Rosemary! I got it.' He shouted as he found what he was looking for, and then awaited more instructions from Bobby, turning just in time to see Sam slide across the floor and James jump on the Lamia's back, jamming Sam's knife between its shoulders. The Lamia roared and threw James off, where he collided with a wall.

Dean knew there wasn't much time left, so he mixed the salt and rosemary, per Bobby's instructions, dropping his cell phone when he was done, and tossing the mixture at the Lamia, which was advancing towards James' slumped figure. It screeched and looked directly at him, and he ran backwards, trying to pull the stove away from the wall to get access to the gas pipe. Sam tackled the Lamia again, only to be thrown into a wall, just as Dean pulled the pipe free from the wall. He aimed it at the Lamia, clicked his lighter and grinned. 'Fire in the hole!' He yelled, using the pipe as a makeshift flame thrower.

When the Lamia had crumbled to the floor in a puddle of flaming body parts, Dean sprinted past it to James, who was just about conscious on the floor. Sam limped up behind him as he pulled the boy into his arms, checking his injuries. Most of them were superficial and would heal in seconds, but the boy looked groggy, possibly concussed, and Dean wasn't sure his healing abilities went that far. 'We gotta get him out of here.' He said.

'What's the rush?' Sam asked, his voice cold. 'He'll heal himself right?'

Dean looked up at his little brother, standing with James in his arms as the boy's head lolled onto his shoulder. 'Not the point, Sam.'

'What is the point?'

'He's six and just went a few rounds with a monster.'

'And? Nothing he shouldn't be learning right?' Sam shrugged and turned away, oblivious to the look on Dean's face. The eldest Winchester watched his brother leave, then looked down at James, who was out cold, then bent to pick up the shot gun before following Sam out of the building, making a mental note to call Bobby as soon as he could.

There was something seriously wrong with Sam.


	44. Chapter 44

**I am really sorry for the lack of updates. RL is pretty much doing me over sideways at the moment, and I've not had a lot of time for continuing this. But I'm back. At the moment. Hopefully I won't leave you hanging too long.**

* * *

Dean watched James as he snuggled into the blankets on the motel bed, his mind wandering back to the events of the day. Sam had gone outside for a few moments, and Dean could hear his heavy footsteps up and down the panelling beyond the motel room door. He knew there was something wrong with Sam; his easy dismissal of what James had faced against the Lamia just too much to ignore. James had mentioned on more than one occasion that Sam was different, but Dean had ignored that too; more fool him.

There was something _wrong_ with his brother.

Picking up the phone, he dialled, hoping Bobby would answer. After a few seconds of ringing, the old hunter picked up, his voice concerned but tired. _/Dean. You all right?/_

_'_Yeah. Yeah, the Lamia grilled up fine.' Dean rubbed his hands over his eyes, casting a glance over to the bed and the sleeping boy in it once more.

_/I sense a "but" coming on./_

'It's Sam, Bobby.' There was a pause, and Dean sighed. 'He's just – he's different. You know, I get it. You go through something like that and – and you change, but -' He looked up at the window where Sam was still stood talking on the phone. 'Something's not right to me.'

_/Dean./_

'I got a few questions about that year. You saw him and I didn't.'

/Dean. I got another call./

Dean blinked in surprise, unsure of Bobby's tone. 'You what?'

/Just hang on. I gotta take this. It's important./

_'_More important than Sam?' The line clicked and Dean pulled the phone away from his ear, looking at it incredulously. 'Bobby?' The line beeped and he waited, feeling a bit put out at the dismissal. After a few moments, the line clicked on again and Bobby's voice came through the speaker. Dean put the phone back to his ear.

/Still there, Dean?/

_'_Bobby, what the hell?' He demanded, a little pissed off.

_/I, uh – sorry./_

_Sorry?_ He stood up, pacing now, keeping his footsteps light so he didn't wake James. 'You know you are the one person that I can talk to about this stuff, about Sam, about Alex, about leaving Lisa and Ben. I mean, I don't even know which way is up right now and with James as well...' He trailed off, realising Bobby was quiet. 'Bobby?' He waited and still heard nothing. 'Hello?'

_/I hear you, son. I – it just ain't a good time./_

'Yeah, okay. You know what, forget it. I mean I'm baring my soul like a freaking girl here and...' He shook his head. 'And you've got stuff to do. So that is – that's fine.' His tone lowered and he sulked, a little ashamed of doing it, but feeling like a petulant child. 'That's fine but, seriously, a little selfish.' He paused for a second. 'Not all about you.'

_/Where's your brother?/_

Bobby sounded a little pissed and Dean looked up at the window again, frowning in confusion. 'Outside.'

_/Get him./_

The order was clear and Dean dropped the hand holding the phone and opened the motel door, motioning at Sam. The younger Winchester looked at him as he finished his own phone call and walked into the motel room. Dean held the phone up. 'Bobby.' He offered as an explanation. He put the phone on the table and clicked the speaker button. 'You're on speaker, Bobby.'

_/Sam. Dean. I love you like my own. I do. But sometimes -/ _The old man paused, and they heard the sound of a bottle being put down a few seconds later. _/Sometimes you two are the whiniest, most self-absorbed sons of bitches I ever met!/_ Both brothers looked at each other in surprise as a heavy sigh came over the line. _/I'm selfish? Me? I do everything for you. Everything! You need some lores scrounged up, you need your asses pulled out of the fire, you need someone to bitch to about each other -/_ Sam's face became puzzled at this and Dean looked away. _/You call me and I come through, every damn time! And what do I get for it? Jack with a side of squat!/_

Dean shook his head. 'Bobby -'

_/Do I sound like I'm done? Now look. I know you've got issues. God knows I know. But I got a news flash for you. You ain't the centre of the universe. Now, it may have slipped your mind that Crowley owns my soul! And the meter is running! And I will be damned if I'm going to sit around and, and be damned! So how about you two sack up and help me for once?/_

The boys didn't say anything for a moment, and both of them looked at the phone. Dean's expression was humbled as he clenched his jaw in irritation at himself. Sam spoke first. 'Bobby, all you got to do is ask.'

'Anything you need.' Dean backed him up. 'We're there.'

Bobby sighed heavily. _/Good. Well you better get on the road. You need to bring James here./_

'Why?'

_/Because you two are getting a flight to Scotland in about six hours. You got a body to dig up./_

'Scotland?' Sam asked. 'Isn't that a bit exotic for a salt and burn?'

_/It's not a salt and burn. I need you to find where Crowley's original body was buried. A Fergus McLeod. I need those bones for ransom./_

'Can't James come with us?' Dean asked, looking back over to the bed, where James was still asleep.

_/No. You need...you need his mom's permission to take him international, Dean. I can get you two paperwork but James would be too much of a risk. He'll have to stay here with me./_

Sam nodded. 'That sounds like it's for the best. He's still pretty banged up after the Lamia.'

_/Banged up?/ _Bobby's voice sounded extremely concerned all of a sudden. _/What do you mean "banged up"?/_

'He's fine, Bobby, things just got a little...rough.' Sam dismissed his concern and Dean frowned again. 'We'll get going now.'

_/See you boys soon./ _Bobby hung up, and Dean pocketed his phone again, standing and moving away from his brother towards his nephew.

'Get the stuff in the car. I'll bring James out.' He bent down, picking up the sleeping boy, who stirred briefly but then went back to sleep on his shoulder. He was clearly shattered from the day, but Dean noted with relief that he showed no signs of continuing injury. Sam watched for a moment, before grabbing their duffels and loading them up. 'Guess you're getting a weekend at Bobby's, little man.'

* * *

James watched out the window as the rain hit the rooftop. He'd been here for a couple of weeks now, whilst his uncles went off on a hunt that they'd decided was too dangerous for him. It was true that the hunt probably was dangerous, but he was anxious for them to return, because Dean had promised they'd go visit Lisa and Ben after they were done. He missed Ben, missed having someone to talk to. He'd confided in him for nearly a year, and Ben was to him like Dean was to Sam. The big brother he never had.

The sibling he never would have now his mom was gone and his dad was...elsewhere.

Sometimes James felt so alone in the world. He'd felt like it sometimes when they'd lived with Lisa too - mostly at school where the other kids thought he was weird and didn't want to be friends. He hadn't made many of them, only a couple, and even then it was hard to hide who he really was, and the rumours surrounding his family. Only Ben had known, only Ben had _understood._

He really wished they'd never had to leave him.

It was worse now with Sam being so different. James had used to feel a sense of solidarity with his younger uncle, because they were both _different_. Sam knew and understood what James went through, what he'd always go through. But since they'd found him again, he wasn't the same Uncle Sam. There was a harder edge to him and he didn't talk as much. He didn't seem to care. And James knew Uncle Dean was worried about it.

Bobby wouldn't tell him anything, which was not unusual. James was used to that by now. Even though it sucked. He'd thought about praying to Castiel, but he knew the angel wouldn't come, knew he didn't _care_ any more about him. And James didn't care about him either. He hated him for leaving him behind. Even if Dean had been pretending to be his dad, and had been a good parent, Castiel should have been there. Cas should have shown some interest in him.

But he didn't, and James was angry with him for it. He'd never forgive him.

The sounds of the Impala coming up the driveway made him sit upright, and he grinned, bouncing off the bed and down the stairs as fast as his legs could carry him. He opened the door before Bobby could stop him and was out in the rain, soaked through in seconds. 'Uncle Dean!' He yelled, smiling widely as the car came to a stop and Dean opened the door, holding his arms open wide for the boy to rush into them. 'I missed you!'

Dean laughed, ignoring Sam as his younger brother strode past him and towards the porch. 'Missed you too, buddy.' He picked his nephew up, holding him in a bear hug as he walked towards the house. 'How was your holiday with Grandpa Bobby?'

'It was cool.' James shrugged. 'We did some shooting, and researched some lore. And we practised devil's trap. I'm getting really good!'

'I bet you are.' Dean grinned, setting him down on the porch, out of the rain. Bobby held out a towel and Dean took it, dropping it over James' head. 'You best go dry off.' James nodded, pulling the towel down over his short blond hair. Dean looked up to the older hunter, who glanced back to Sam in the kitchen. 'He was good then?'

'Little angel...' Bobby paused. 'Sorry. You know James; ain't a better behaved kid in the world.' He motioned for them to go inside. 'Fraid you boys can't stop long. Got another case. Calumet City, Illinois. Few suicides need investigatin'.'

Sam wandered back out into the hallway, handing Dean a beer as Bobby shut the door. 'Suicides?'

'Maybe, maybe not. Needs looking into. Sam, there's a bunch of newspaper reports on my desk, could you grab 'em?' Bobby frowned. 'And tell James to turn that damn tv off.' Sam nodded, turning away and Bobby looked at Dean.

'Anything?' Dean asked.

'Not yet. Nothing fits.' Bobby shrugged. 'You sure you wanna take James with you?'

'I want him close. Where I can see him. I know he's safe here Bobby, but with everything that happened in the last couple weeks...'

'What happened?' James asked suddenly, popping up from behind Bobby with just his pants on and the towel wrapped around his shoulders. 'Did something bad happen?' He looked between his uncle and grandpa. 'We're still going to see Ben and Lisa, right?'

Dean chewed his bottom lip, looking guilty as hell. 'Sorry, kiddo. We're gonna have to give it a miss this time. Got a case.' James' face fell and Dean felt guilt rising higher in his chest. 'I'm sorry, James. We gotta work this.'

'Yeah. Okay.' James looked away and Bobby's eyes met Dean's. The eldest Winchester sighed.

'Go get your stuff, James. We need to head out.'

* * *

They'd reached Illinois and James had found himself alone in the motel room whilst his uncles went out to talk to witnesses. He had wandered around the motel room for a while, checked on the wardings, and found himself immensely bored. There was no point researching; they didn't know anything beyond the details they'd had in the first place, so there was no start point for looking up lore. Half an hour after his uncles had gone, he'd reached for the motel room phone, wondering how much Dean would kill him if he ran up a bill. By the time he'd dialled the number, he'd stopped caring, wanting to talk to someone.

Lisa answered the phone, and he smiled when he heard her voice.

'Hi, Lisa.' He greeted and he could hear the smile in her voice when she replied.

_/James? Hey! Are you okay?/ _Her cheer turned to concern quickly, and he knew she thought he was only ringing because something had happened.

'I'm fine. Just...Dean and Sam went out and I was feeling kinda...'

_/Oh, honey. I know those hunts can get a little boring. It's good to hear from you./_

'I thought we were gonna come visit. But Dean said we had to do this job.' He tried to keep the petulant whine out of his voice, but it was difficult, because he was angry that he hadn't gotten to go see them. They'd been the only real home he'd had since his mom had gone, and he missed them terribly.

_/No, I know. But now...now wasn't really a good time./_ James _knew_ then, that something had happened whilst Dean and Sam had been hunting those vampires. He had asked them about the hunt, but they'd not been forthcoming with the details and he hadn't pushed. But now he wanted to know; he needed to know why they couldn't go and visit Ben and Lisa.

'Are we gonna see you soon?' He asked hesitantly. 'I miss Ben.'

_/I know you do. We'll...we'll sort something out./_

'Did something happen? Dean won't tell me.'

Lisa hesitated. _/No. No. Nothing...nothing happened, sweetheart./ _James sighed. He knew she was lying. Everyone was lying to him lately.

'Why won't anyone just tell me the truth? I'm not a little baby any more.'

_/I know you're not a baby, James. But you shouldn't be in this life. You shouldn't be dealing with these things. You're just a kid./_

'I'm a hunter. It's what I'm supposed to be.'

_/I really wish Dean had left you here. Ben misses you. I miss you. You should be here, worrying about school and bikes and football; not hunting creatures with your unstable uncles./_

James blinked. That was a strange remark. 'Dean and Sam aren't unstable.'

_/They're dragging you halfway around the country. I'm surprised you aren't dead already. If he'd asked me, I'd have kept you here, I'd have kept you safe. It's not fair he does this to you, James. You deserve a family./_

'I want to do this.' He said, feeling irritation in his chest. 'I'm good at this. I'm gonna be the best hunter there is.'

_/You're just gonna end up a freak./ _She gasped, and James felt tears well up in his eyes. _/No. That came out wrong. James?/_ He didn't answer, pulling the phone away and staring at it. She called his name again, and he threw the phone back into it's cradle, wiping furiously at his eyes. The phone rang a couple of moments later, and he pushed it off of the table, kicking it in anger. Pulling his foot upwards, he stomped on it as it rang, and the phone shattered, the ringing stopping as he broke it. Then he collapsed onto the bed, placing his arms over his head as he sobbed into the pillows.

* * *

Dean walked into the motel room, his gaze going first to the ruined phone on the floor and then to the boy on the bed, who was asleep on his back. His face was streaked with tear stains, and Dean frowned, wondering what on earth had happened. He picked up the phone, realising it was damaged beyond repair and looked over at James.

'James?' He didn't respond. Dean reached out and touched his shoulder and the boy jolted awake, blinking at his uncle. 'Hey, kiddo. Are you okay?'

'I - I...' The boy's eyes dropped to the ruined phone in Dean's other hand, and he immediately looked guilty. 'I called Lisa.' He admitted quietly. 'She...I wanted to know why we weren't going to see them. And she said...she said some...' He felt tears welling up again. Dean frowned.

'What did she say?'

'She didn't want me to go. She said I was gonna end up a freak.' James burst into tears, and Dean shook his head.

'Hey, hey. You're not a freak. You hear me?' He pulled James to him and hugged him tight. 'Don't ever let anyone tell you that. You're just special, kiddo, you hear me?' He held him tighter, and James squeaked. 'Sorry.' Dean pulled away, holding James at arms length as he stared into his blue eyes. He frowned. 'I hate that your eyes are blue.'

'Huh?' James looked confused.

'Just. They remind of Cas. That he's walked out on you. And I wanna kill him for it.' Dean looked away for a second. 'Sometimes it kills me that you aren't mine.' James stared at his uncle. 'You know I'm always here right? That I got your back? That I won't leave you?'

James nodded dumbly. 'Why can't we go see Lisa and Ben?'

Dean sighed. 'Because I got turned into a vamp and I pushed Ben. I tried to go say goodbye to them, thought I was done for, and I pushed him, might of hurt him. So we can't go back there. I want to, but Lisa's not gonna stand for that. I know it's gonna hurt you, but it's for the best. We can't have family and friends in this life, James. We just get people killed. Look at your mom. She's dead cos of us.'

'N-no...she's dead because of Michael. Because of the angels.'

'We should have left you when we found you. We shouldn't have dragged you into this.' Dean continued, as if he hadn't heard his nephew speak. 'We've ruined your life, and now you're stuck with us; one alcoholic and Sam-who-isn't-Sam.'

'Sam...who...isn't?' James looked more confused than ever. 'I don't understand. I'm supposed to be a hunter.'

Dean looked at him sadly then. 'And I wish to hell and back that you didn't have to be.' He sighed heavily, then blinked, rearing his head back. 'Whoa, that was a bit more sharing that I'm used to.' He shook his head. 'I'm tired. And I've got work to do.' He chewed his lip. 'Look...this thing might be...I'm gonna have to call Cas, okay? I don't mind if you wanna skip out, or whatever. I know you hate him.' James didn't quite know how to reply, and Dean smiled. 'Or stay. Glare at him a little. Or a lot. It's up to you.'

'Er...can I go have a shower?' James asked and Dean grinned.

'Sure thing, buddy. I know Grandpa Bobby's shower is lacking in pressure. Lot like some other stuff in his house.' He barked out a laugh, and James nodded, scrambling off the other side of the bed and grabbing his bag. His uncle was acting strange, and he didn't really understand it. Combined with everything else going on, he didn't really wanna deal with it.

As soon as he shut the door, Dean pulled out the laptop from the duffel, switching it on. Immediately he searched for references to the horn that the shop keeper he'd interviewed had told him about, but found nothing constructive on how to find it. The shower switched on noisily in the background, and he looked up at the closed bathroom door, wondering if he should call Lisa and find out what the hell she had said to upset James enough for him to smash a phone. His thoughts drifted back to what he'd said to James, and a frown crossed his face. He'd never intended on James finding out what had happened with the vampire nest, or letting on his fears about Sammy. Or any of that other crap he'd said.

Fuck. James was cursed.

Which meant no one had to come into contact with the horn for it to work.

Double fuck.

'Castiel? Hello?' He grunted out. 'Possible loose nuke down here, angel weapon? Kinda your department. And I think it got James.'

Not even a second later, the fluttering of wings sounded behind him and he turned in his seat. 'Hello Dean.' The angel greeted, dipping his head slightly. He looked around the room, his eyes settling on the bathroom door. 'James is...'

'He's okay for now. But this thing, whatever it is, it's got him.' Dean glared at the angel. 'Didn't fancy responding over the last couple of weeks, huh? I get that you'd come for James, but what about Sam?'

'I didn't come about Sam because I have nothing to offer about Sam.' Castiel replied, his tone gruff and even as usual. His eyes remained on the bathroom door for a few moments before he looked back to Dean.

'For all we know, he's gift wrap for Lucifer.' Dean snarled back. Cas shook his head.

'No. He's...he's not Lucifer.'

'And how do you know that?'

'If Lucifer escaped the cage, we'd feel it.'

'What's wrong with him?' Dean asked, his voice almost pleading. Cas sighed, walking across the room aimlessly.

'I don't know, Dean. I'm sorry.' He actually sounded genuinely sorry too, but Dean was too angry to care. He stood up, facing the angel down.

'What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one.'

'I'm at war. Certain... regrettable things are now required of me.' He clammed up then, avoiding the hunter's gaze.

'And Gabriel's Horn of Truth? That's a real thing?'

'You've seen it?' His blue eyes widened a little.

'We think it's in town. Something's forcing people...' Cas disappeared and Dean rolled his eyes in frustration. 'Oh, well, you're welcome!' He sat back down, clicking something on the laptop, and when Cas reappeared, he jumped a little.

'It isn't the Horn of Truth.' Dean blinked up at him.

'What are you talking about? You were gone for like two seconds. Where did you look?'

Cas shrugged. 'Everywhere.'

'Right. Well, nice seeing you, anyway.' Dean looked away, ignoring him.

'Dean.'

'What?' The hunter snapped. Castiel sighed.

'About your brother. I... I don't know what's wrong with him, but I do want to help. I'll make inquiries.' He hesitated briefly. 'If you need help...if James needs help...' He left the sentence hanging, then disappeared again. Dean scrubbed his hand over his face, slamming the laptop shut.

'Yeah. Thanks.' He stood up, walking over to the refrigerator and opening it. He contemplated having a beer for a few moments, then pushed the door shut, leaning on the top of it, closing his eyes. The bathroom door opened behind him, and he sighed heavily. 'Can't blame you for wanting the truth kid, god knows I want it myself.'

'I'm scared, Dean.' James said quietly from behind him. He was dripping wet and wrapped in a towel, and Dean turned, frowning as he did.

'Scared? Scared of what?'

'That you're gonna die. That Sam's gonna die. Cos everyone dies right? And I'm gonna be here, just...alone.' James' bottom lip wobbled as he spoke, and he pulled the towel tighter around him, shivering a little.

Dean shook his head, moving away from the kitchenette to kneel before his nephew. 'Hey. You're gonna freeze like this, kiddo.' He put his hands on his shoulders and attempted to rub him dry.

'I killed mom.' James blurted out. 'I'm bad luck. I almost got Lisa and Ben killed. Demons want me. Angels want me. I'm bad.' Tears welled up in his already swollen blue eyes. Dean shook his head.

'No. You did _not_ kill your mom, okay? And you're not bad. Not yet. You have a chance to change that.' Dean sighed, pulling him closer, resting his chin on James' damp hair. 'We can fix all this.' He blinked. He could only tell the truth right? So maybe they could fix this? 'At least, I believe we can fix this.' Okay, so truth was a matter of perspective then.

'Do you think mom is out there somewhere? Like Sam is?' James asked.

Dean shook his head. 'No, kiddo, I don't.' He winced at his own words. 'I don't even know how Sam is here. But at least he isn't Lucifer. We just don't know what's wrong with him.'

'He feels like he doesn't have a soul.' James whispered, his eyes widening at saying it aloud. 'He feels dark, and when he touches me, it's like freezing electric. I don't like it. He's not Uncle Sam. He's not really there.'

Dean pulled back, staring at James. 'Shit.' He swore. 'Why didn't you tell me before?'

'Because it's bad enough I'm a freak. Didn't want Uncle Sam to be one too.' James looked away, and Dean stood up, his hand on James' shoulder. 'I didn't...I don't know why I said that.' The boy took a shuddering breath. Dean looked down at him.

'Go and get dressed. I gotta call Bobby.'

'Why?' James asked.

'Because I think I'm cursed and you're cursed too.'

'Oh. Am I gonna die?'

'No. I'll die before you do, kiddo.' Dean pushed James' shoulder. 'Go get dressed.' The boy nodded, running into the bathroom and slamming the door again. Dean grabbed his phone and dialled Bobby. 'Hey, anything you're itchin' to tell me?'

_/Not really. Sorry to disappoint./_ Bobby replied, and Dean heard the kitchen chair scrape across the floor.

'Ah, that's all right. I'm just testing a theory.'

_/Well, I'm here hittin' the books while drinking a nice glass of milk, while watching "Tori & Dean."/_

'We...wait, who and Dean?'

_/Tori Spelling. I'm a huge fan. Girl's a real talent./_

Dean pulled the phone from his ear, looking at it for a second. 'Oh, I guess it does work over the phone.'

_/Really wish you hadn't taken James with you, you know. I miss having him around. Hell, he's a good kid. Pity about the future for him. Pity he weren't yours, for real. You'd make a brilliant dad, Dean, except you're a hunter and an early death is in the books for you./_

'That's...' Dean didn't quite know what to say.

_/You know what else? I get a pedicure once in a while - this nice Vietnamese joint. This one gal, Nhung Phuong - her name means "velvet Phoenix." Tiny thing, but the grip on her. She starts on my toes, and I feel like I am gonna -/_

'Whoa, whoa!' Dean exclaimed. 'Hey, come on, ma- now I'm scarred for life. Thank you.'

_/I never told anyone that. Why am I telling you? Maybe 'cause you're my favorite. Although, Sam's a better hunter. Lately, anyway./_ Bobby paused, and Dean gave a wry half smile. _/Whoa. Why the hell _am_ I tellin' you this?/_

'Because I'm cursed.' Dean shrugged, and Bobby repeated the word back at him. 'Yes.'

_/How is it that half the time you clean a mess, you end up dirty? Is James okay? Cos god help me, Dean, if that boy gets hurt again, I'm gonna string you and Sam up and belt ya./_

'James got hit too. But don't worry, I'm keeping him safe. Actually, this might be the best thing that's happened to me in a while.' He turned his thoughts towards Sam. 'I've got a theory. James knows something, but I need to confirm it.'

_/What do you mean? Dean... Dean, what damn fool move are you about to -/_

'I gotta go.'

_/Okay./_ Bobby replied, then started talking again. _/But did you know my first girlfriend turned out to be a -/_ Dean hung up, never wanting to hear the rest of that sentence.

'No, no! Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh.' He stood up, heading over to the bathroom door. 'James! I'm going out. You stay here, it's not safe. Gotta confront Sammy, find out what happened. Are you okay with that?'

'No. I wanna go. I'm supposed to be a hunter but you treat me like a baby.' James huffed from the other side of the door. 'You never let me go on hunts any more.'

'That's because I almost got you killed. And I can't keep letting that happen.'

'You know, if I'm supposed to follow a path, it helps if you let me walk down it.'

'I don't care. I'm not letting you get hurt. I let Sam get hurt, I let your mom get hurt, I'm not having the same happen to you!' Dean yelled through the door. Silence was his only reply for a moment.

'You're a jerk.' Came the quiet response from his nephew.

'Yeah I know I am.' The hunter grunted in reply. 'Just stay here.'

'Okay. I'll stay. But I'm gonna sulk about it for a couple of days.'

Dean smiled at that, then walked away, his mind on confronting his little brother and finding out if what James had said was true.


	45. Chapter 45

It turned out that James had been right. Sam didn't have his soul. After confronting and killing the goddess Veritas, Dean had practically beaten his brother to a pulp and returned with him to the motel room. James had been slightly frightened by the anger on his uncle's face, and Dean knew he'd done nothing to reassure the boy. Castiel had turned up soon after and confirmed it once more, that the younger Winchester brother was indeed without his soul. Sam, for the most part, seemed unconcerned about it, and they'd decided to head over to Samuel Campbell's compound to see if they could find out any more about his resurrection.

When it was confirmed that Samuel had his soul, but that he had no idea who'd brought either of them back, he'd dropped the bombshell about the Alpha Vampire and the lead they had. Dean had immediately wanted in on the hunt, and he'd reluctantly agreed to bring James along for the ride. Of course, on the actual hunt they'd been left out in the cold, and Dean had seen them _capture_ the Alpha, opposed to killing it.

Naturally he'd wanted answers, so confronting Sam was his first stop. They were sat in the Impala, and it was pitch black on the highway. James slept in the back seat, somewhat fitfully, and Dean kept glancing back to him, worry written across his face. He knew what Lisa had said to the boy, having heard it from her himself. He'd called her on his way to find Sam, and had been treated to a few truths of his own. She'd told him that he was doing the wrong thing by keeping James at his side, that he should have left him with her, where he'd be _happy_. Dean knew that, but he also knew that despite her belief in the truth that she could have protected him, it wouldn't have worked. When she'd blurted out that it was over between them, he'd been expecting it, but it hadn't hurt any less. He knew that this wouldn't have worked.

The last two days had been hell on him for revelations of the truth. Admitting his own faults to Veritas, his own selfishness at wanting to keep James close, his growing distrust of Sam, his failures to his family...it had ripped a hole in him that he wasn't sure he could hide anymore.

But he had work to do now, and no time to dwell on all this. Sam _knew_ something, and Dean needed answers. He cleared his throat, glancing at his baby brother.

'Things go okay back there?'

Sam shrugged without looking at him. 'Fine.'

'Nothing weird?' Sam didn't reply, and Dean put his foot on the brake, bringing the car to a sudden stop, regretting it slightly as James awoke with a yelp, rubbing his eyes as he looked towards his uncles. 'I saw you walk that Alpha out the door, Sam! Now, call me crazy, but that seems weird.'

Sam sighed heavily. 'Oh.'

'"Oh"?' Dean repeated, looking at his brother incredulously.

'You weren't supposed to know about that.' Sam admitted, looking down at his hands. Dean narrowed his eyes.

'Know what?'

'It's just something Samuel's been doing. Catching things, taking them somewhere, grilling them for info.' Sam shrugged as if it meant nothing, and Dean stared at him, hands clenching into fists.

'Grill. Torture, right? And not telling me - that was his idea?'

'No, it was mine.'

Dean blinked in shock. 'Why?'

'Honestly? 'Cause you'd mess it up. You shoot first, ask questions later, and we needed to ask questions.'

'You know, I-I don't care if you've got soullessness or the freakin' mumps, man - You know better than this! Do you even want your soul back?'

'How does that have anything to do -' Sam looked at him then, confusion written across his face, but Dean interrupted him again.

'Have you been to the place where Samuel takes them? I mean, have you been in on these interrogations?'

'No, but I hear -'

Dean interrupted again, his tone becoming even more furious with every word. James watched silently from the back seat of the Impala, worry written across his paled features. 'And why? And did it ever occur to you that this is really shady?'

'He's our grandfather.' Sam reasoned simply.

'Yeah. Yeah, a guy who talks a great game. But you can't assume that family means the same thing to him as it does to us. He's not Dad.' The elder Winchester paused briefly, his eyes focused on his brother as his expression changed. 'Wow. You don't see it, do you?'

'What?' Sam's shoulders raised as he looked at his brother with one arched eyebrow.

'You've got no instinct.' Dean scoffed, looking back out over the dashboard of the car. 'I mean, you are seriously messed up.'

'Thanks.' His brother replied sarcastically. Dean looked down at his hands for a moment, then glanced to James, before making his decision.

'I'm not kidding, man. Nobody's forcing you to work with me, okay? But if we do this... I drive the bus, I call the shots, and you tell me everything, whether you think it's important or not, because - trust me - you can't tell the difference. Or, you know what, go - go with Samuel. See how that goes. It's up to you.'

Sam thought for a moment, and Dean started the engine again, looking back over at James. The boy stared back, wondering what in the hell was going on. Since Castiel had shown up and confirmed what he'd already known about his uncle, that he didn't have a soul, the world had gone full tilt. Going back to Samuel's compound had worried him, and the hunt had worried him more. Sometimes he could tell when people were lying, and he knew there was something going on that no one was telling him - or Dean, by the sounds of it. And he'd not been happy to see Christian again. The man full on terrified him, but he didn't want to say anything. He was still only a kid, and he knew that telling any of the adults would lead to more questions.

He firmly believed that they would think he was a freak too, just like Lisa did.

The car drove along in silence for a while, and then Sam cleared his throat. 'I'm gonna go back, Dean. See how this plays out, see what we can find out.'

'Your choice.' Dean said quietly, not arguing. He took the next exit off of the highway, heading for Samuel's compound. Within an hour they were there, and Dean left James in the car briefly. The boy watched as Dean spoke to Sam quietly, then turned and got back in the car. He didn't want to ask what they'd spoken about, only feeling the hurt that Sam had left them again.

'Are we gonna stop soon? I'm kinda hungry.'

Dean jumped a little, as if he'd forgotten he wasn't alone in the car. 'Sorry, kiddo. I guess...I guess I got distracted.'

'I know.' James whispered. 'Are we gonna see Uncle Sam again?'

'We will.' Dean replied simply.

'What about...what about Lisa and Ben?' James asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer. Dean slowed the car a little, but didn't stop, his hands tight on the steering wheel. James knew then what the answer was, and his heart dropped into his stomach. He wished they'd never had to leave, he truly did, but he'd learnt the truth about what had happened and knew that this wouldn't have worked. He'd known from the start really, that the happy family he'd always wanted, the one he used to have, was nothing but a pipe dream he'd leave in his wake for the rest of his life.

'We...we can't go back, James. It's too dangerous.'

James nodded forlornly. 'I know.' He looked out over the dashboard, his jaw tight as he watched the asphalt disappear underneath them. They were only half hour out from the compound, and Dean spotted a 24 hour diner, quickly pulling into the car park. He parked the Impala, smiling at James.

'How about we get some food?'

* * *

James was tucking into a burger when the diner door opened and Sam walked in. He stopped chewing, staring in shock at both his uncles as Sam slipped into the booth with them. Dean turned, leaning on the table with one arm, appraising his brother quickly. Sam glared back.

'You didn't think I'd come back.' The younger brother guessed, and Dean shrugged.

'I figured 60/40.'

Sam rolled his eyes, and James resumed eating his food, keeping his eyes on them. 'So, Samuel didn't take the bait. So I went with plan "b."'

Dean frowned. 'We had a plan "b"?'

'We had a plan?' James asked. 'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Didn't really matter, kiddo. It wasn't like we were splitting up for long. We're just trying to find out where they're keeping the Alpha.' Dean smiled at him reassuringly, and James scowled. His uncle's smile turned into a frown. 'Don't worry. You're coming with us. Wouldn't want you sulking again.' The boy stuck his tongue out, and Sam managed a wry smile. 'So, what was the new plan?' Dean turned his attention back to his brother.

'Fired up the GPS on one of his cellphones. We should be able to track him right to the Alpha.'

'The old man won't notice?'

Sam chuckled, pulling out his phone. 'Trust me. He thinks Velcro is big news.' He tapped a few buttons, and the phone bleeped a couple of times. 'There.' He held the phone out for Dean to inspect. 'Got him.' His brother squinted at the phone, reading the map co-ordinates.

'Looks like a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. We heading out now?'

'They're there already, figure we can get some answers.' Sam looked over at James. 'You sure you wanna come? Might be dangerous.' James gave him an exhausted look, then glanced at Dean, who held his hands up.

'If James thinks he can handle it.'

* * *

He followed both his uncles closely as they entered the warehouse, his gun held tight. It wasn't long before they found where the Alpha was being held, and watched as Samuel and his group interrogated it. When they left, unable to get the answers they wanted, the Alpha grinned through the darkness.

'Are you three going to hide all night? Come on out, boys.' Dean looked at Sam, and slowly the three hunters emerged from their hiding spot, approaching the cage that held the Alpha. The father of vampires smiled. 'How can I help you?'

'We got some questions for you, skippy, since you're going nowhere fast.' Dean kept up the usual bravado, and the Alpha chuckled, shaking his head a little.

'Don't be so sure.'

Dean scoffed. 'Yeah? Locked down pretty tight. And with all that dead blood rushing through your veins, not sure you got enough juice to fire up that psychic bat-signal of yours, do you?'

'True. Not near enough juice for that... Dean.'

The hunter glared. 'I didn't realize we were on a first-name basis.'

'Of course we are. After all, you were my child... for a time. Dean, tell me... did you enjoy it?' The look on Dean's face was deathly, and James watched as he reached out, flicking the button that Samuel had been pressing to torture the vamp. Electricity cackled and the Alpha tensed.

'I'm asking the questions here, fright night.'

'When your kind first huddled around the fire, I was the thing in the dark! Now you think you can hurt me?' His laugh was grating, and his eyes moved from Dean to settle on James, a strange sparkle in his eyes. 'I have all night, boys. Anyway, I'm happy to tell you whatever you want to know.'

Sam tilted his head. 'Why?'

'Why? Because soon, I'll be ankle-deep in your blood, sucking the marrow from your bones.' James shivered at the Alpha's word, his mind conjuring the imagery too well. The vampire continued to stare at him, and he took an unconscious step backwards. A whisper from the back of the room caught his attention and he looked around. Both of his uncles appeared to have not heard it, their attention on the creature in the cage.

'So you're really it. The first of your species.' Sam confirmed, and the Alpha extended his hands as much as the restraints would allow.

'The very first.' He smiled. 'Just like your boy there is the first of his kind. James Winchester – so very famous for one so young.' Dean's grip on his gun tightened, and he glanced at James, who stood a little way back from them, looking distracted. Sam spoke again, searching for more information – the lack of soul didn't change his need to research and gain knowledge it seemed.

'But if you're the first... who made you?'

'We all have our mothers. Even me.'

Dean frowned. 'What does that mean?' The vampire chuckled. 'And what's with the big surge of vamps lately? I mean, it's like -'

'Like we're going to war.' The Alpha drawled, his eyes moving away from Dean to Sam, who frowned.

'Why? What's going on? Why did Samuel bring you here?'

The vamp didn't answer straight away, sniffing the air. 'You smell cold. You have no soul. What an oddity. Do you feel how empty you are? What is it like to have no soul?' Sam stared and the vampire glared. 'Answer my question.'

'You first. You're the one in the cage.' The younger brother pointed out and the Alpha grinned.

'The thing about souls - If you've got one, of course - is they're predictable. You die, you go up or down. Where do my kind go?'

'All right, enough with the sermon, freak.' Dean pulled his machete free from it's holder.

'I'm trying to answer the question. Now, when we "freaks" die... where do we go? Not heaven, not hell. So?'

Dean shrugged. 'Legoland?' He looked at Sam who repeated the gesture. The vampire sighed heavily, his eyes roaming over the room as if he were bored.

'Little rusty on our Dante, boys?'

Sam reared his head back a little in realisation. 'Purgatory.'

'Purgatory?' Dean parroted. 'Purgatory's real?'

'Oh, stupid cattle.' The vampire laughed again. 'Of course! And it is filled with the soul of every hungry thing like me that ever walked this earth. Now, where is it? That is the mystery. And that is what your kind hearted granddaddy is trying to beat out of me.'

'Samuel brought you here... to find out where Purgatory is?' Sam stated slowly, his eyes focused on the vampire.

'I keep telling him - how would I know such a thing? But he refuses to untie me.'

Sam smiled, and it was an ugly, twisted expression. 'You know exactly where it is. Why does Samuel care about any of this?'

'He doesn't care. He does as he is told.' The brothers looked at each other, the realisation setting in that their grandfather was working _for_ someone. Dean grimaced.

'Well, if the old man's Kermit... whose hand's up his ass?'

The sound of a gun cocking caught their attention.

'Evening, guys.' Samuel said from behind them, his gun aimed at them. Dean and Sam both turned, and Dean noticed then that it was only him and Sam in the room with them. His attention immediately went from their grandfather and panic set in.

'Sam...where's James?'

* * *

The warehouse was dark and creepy and James suddenly regretted his decision to sneak off from his uncles. For a moment, when that pulling feeling in his stomach had started, he'd felt brave and grown up but now, surrounded by darkness in a part of the warehouse which seemed unused, he felt very much like six year old James Winchester. A soft breeze whistled through the corridor and he held his shotgun with shaky hands. Not that he could see much to shoot at anything.

Something creaked and scraped along the floor and James jumped, tripping backwards over something large. As he landed on his butt, his gun clattering to the floor out of his reach, his eyes went wide. Warm breath blew over his legs and claws scratched on the concrete floor. A soft growl broke the darkness and James went still as whatever he had fallen over breathed on his face, snuffling noises accompanying the warm air. He couldn't see it but he could _feel_ it. The creature stood over him, and he closed his eyes, wondering if he was about to be lunch, when the monster suddenly dropped to the ground beside him with a "whumph", it's large head resting on his lap. The boy stared wide eyed as a wet nose prodded his hand and he pulled it away, only to be issued a high pitched whine. Hesitantly, James raised his hand, brushing a coarsely haired ear, curling his fingers and scratching the creature as if it were a pet dog.

Because pet dogs were often hellhounds.

The hellhound panted and pushed it's head further into James' hand as the boy continued to pet it in terrified wonder. A thumping noise sounded and James realised it was wagging it's tail. As the highly odd situation continued, the hellhound became visible to him, the black, coarse fur he was stroking almost _rippling_ into existence. The animal was huge, more like a bear than a dog, with the sharp features of a timber wolf. It's black fur glistened in a way that it almost looked wet. In the darkness, it's red eyes glowed like fire embers but it didn't give any indication that it wanted to hurt him.

For long moments he sat there, the hellhound emitting happy little whines as he stroked it, and James didn't know what to do. Moving away was his first instinct but he didn't think the hound would like it if he ceased what he was doing. His gun was just out of reach, but he was certain the creature meant him no harm, as it laid it's giant head further across his lap, snuffling at the ground. When it's ears pricked suddenly, James stilled, listening as the hound stood, hackles rising, a growl spilling from bared teeth.

Footsteps came from the dark corridor and James watched as the hound stood over him protectively, bewildering him further. For long seconds he continued to watch, trying to see in the darkness. When the hound stopped growling and bounded forward, he blinked, confused – until a pale figure emerged, one hand in the hellhound's fur as the beast happily greeted her. Long dark hair fell over her face as she looked over at James, and he squinted, wondering if she was a demon. She took a few steps closer, the hound guiding her towards James, and he scrambled to his feet, reaching for his gun. The hound whimpered, and James held his gun in shaking hands. The woman came closer and he saw her bare feet, battered combat trousers and torn t-shirt, the cloth splattered with blood. A machete was strapped to one leg in a holder, and the boy tensed. She shook her head, coming to crouch in front of him, her face more visible in the dark as she looked at him. James' arms went limp and the gun dropped to dangle at his side.

Silence stretched between them and then he spoke, the single word a croaked whisper.

'Mom?'

* * *

Dean ran down corridors aimlessly, his anger at Samuel clashing with the gut wrenching terror for his missing nephew. Sam followed close on his heels, gun drawn in case of attack. His brother headed further into the warehouse and it slowly became darker, prompting them to pull out their flash lights. The place was dusty and didn't look as if anyone had been down here in a while. Dean called out for James, his panic only growing. 'Are you sure he came this way?' Sam asked, sounding impatient. Dean glared at him, prepared to tear strips out of his little brother. A noise distracted them and both hunters took off running, traversing three corridors, flash lights bouncing off the walls.

When Dean skidded to a halt, Sam almost crashed into him and he cursed, before looking at what had stopped his brother.

James was stood, a woman with torn and bloodied clothes in front of him, crouched. Growling indicated the hellhound at her side, and the blood froze in Dean's veins at the sound. The beast snapped it's jaws and he took a step forward, reaching out for his nephew. 'James.' He spoke quietly, but the hellhound growled louder.

The woman extended her hand, placing it on the invisible beast beside her. Immediately the growling ceased and Dean blinked, turning his flash light on the woman, highlighting her features beyond the dark hair framing her face.

'Dean.' Sam breathed, stepping forward. 'Is that...?'

Dean forgot the hellhound, his eyes on the woman who looked up at him. 'Alex?' He asked hesitantly. She stared at him, tilting her head as she contemplated him, no recognition in her eyes.

'Well. Isn't this a quaint family reunion.'

Crowley's voice made the brothers turn, and they both narrowed their eyes at the demon, who simply grinned in return. The hellhound growled again as Alex stood straight, her eyes now focused on the demon. He raised his chin to look at her. 'You're done here.' He ordered and she glared, eyes momentarily flashing black. She looked back at James, almost mournfully, then disappeared into the shadows.

'Mom, wait!' James yelled, moving to followed her, but Crowley appeared in front of him, blocking his path. 'Mom!' The boy called again and Crowley chuckled dryly.

'Sorry. Mum's busy.'

'What the hell, Crowley?' Dean demanded as James skittered backwards towards them. The demon smile.

'That was Alex right?' Sam asked his brother.

'Oh that was your darling sister all right.' Crowley smiled. 'Not that she knows it.'

'What did you do to her?' James yelled, and Crowley held his hands up.

'I did nothing. Just utilised her...talents, so to speak.'

'How'd she get out?' Sam asked curiously. Crowley shrugged.

'Hell if I know.'

'How long?' Dean spat through gritted teeth.

'About six months. Caught her and her puppy slaughtering half a dozen of my best.'

'Surprised she didn't rip your head off.' The elder Winchester commented dryly.

'No. She didn't. Appears she has a soft spot for little old me.' The demon's eyes focused on James. 'Him too, it seems. We've been looking for you.' He bent forward, eyes glittering in the torchlight as he looked the boy over. James stepped backwards, Dean's hand on his shoulder pulling him close.

'Where's she gone?'

Crowley shrugged. 'She comes and goes.'

'You're gonna have to give us more than that.'

'She's not your sister any more, Dean. She's _broken_.'

'Her eyes were black.' James whispered.

Crowley nodded. 'Like I said. Broken.'

'She's a demon?' Sam's question was too loud in the corridor and Dean winced.

'No.' Crowley replied. 'She's something else.' He disappeared.

'Dammit!' Dean shouted, causing James to jump at the exclamation. He looked up at his uncle.

'What do we do?' He asked quietly.

'Maybe we should call Cas.' Sam suggested and Dean frowned. 'He might know something.'

'No. He'd have told us if he'd known.'

'Can we be sure of that?' The question gave Dean pause, but he didn't reply. Instead he bent down to eye level with James, placing his hand on the boys cheek as he looking into his confused blue gaze.

'You okay, kiddo? She didn't...hurt you?'

'Why would she hurt me?' James asked, his voice small and choked. 'She's my mom.'

'And the hellhound didn't...' Dean trailed off, his own fear of hellhounds making him almost shudder. His eyes glanced over James, checking for any injuries.

'It drooled on me a bit.' The boy shrugged. 'Mostly it just want to be scratched behind the ear.'

Dean's face was a mask of confusion at his comment, as was Sam's. The younger Winchester brother looked over in the direction their sister had disappeared. 'Why does she have a hellhound? They don't exactly sell them at pet stores.'

'You – you scratched it behind the ear?' James nodded at his uncle, and Dean stood up, looking back down at the boy. 'You could _see_ it?'

'Not at first.' James chewed his lip. 'But he seemed to like me and when I stroked him, he was just sort of, er, there.'

'That's kinda cool.' Sam commented as Dean looked at him, astonished at his remark. 'What?'

'Can we focus here? Alex is alive. Alive, Sam.'

'Yeah, and she's Crowley's pet.' Sam scoffed. 'Look, we don't know where she's gone. I say we get back upstairs and we'll sort this out later. We've got other stuff to deal with right now. Like Samuel? And the Alpha?'

Dean hesitated for a moment, his gaze moving between the two other Winchesters. Then his shoulders sagged. 'Yeah, okay.' He put a hand on James' shoulder as the boy looked up at him forlornly. 'But I wanna find out what Crowley's involvement here is.'

* * *

'You found him. Thank god.' Samuel said as the boys entered the lit part of the warehouse. Their grandfather knelt down, checking James over. Dean scowled.

'Nice to see you care.'

Samuel glared up at him. 'We've got bigger problems. The Alpha got out.'

'Fantastic.' Dean drawled, pulling his machete out to the ready. 'How long until he's hundred percent?' Samuel stood up straight, keeping a hand on James' shoulder, his eyes darting to Christian, who stood by the door.

'Hour. Maybe less.' He replied, sighing. 'We need to get him dosed up and back in the cage.

'No.' The elder Winchester brother said sharply.

'What do you mean, "no"?' His grandfather spat.

Dean whirled on him, and James pulled out of his grasp, backing away from all of them. Sam noticed the movement, and stood close to him, looking down at him reassuringly. James looked back, still unsure of his uncle, but more unsure of the growing hostility between Dean and his great-grandfather. 'I mean, I don't know what your big plan was, but playing catch is not on the table. We've got other issues here.'

'Like what?'

'It doesn't matter right now. We take the thing's head off, or it kills us all! You know that.' Dean's eyes went to Sam. 'Okay. We split up. Clear every room. You get a shot, you take it. It's not gonna kill him, but dude will move a lot slower without any kneecaps. James...go with Sam.' The boy's eyes widened, and Dean's expression became firm. 'Sam will look after you.' His eyes went back to his brother. 'Right?' Sam nodded. 'If we make it through this, you,' He pointed at Samuel. 'Me and Sam are having one hell of a family meeting.'

They went their separate ways, and James stayed very close to Sam, wondering why Dean had left him with his souless uncle, scared out of his wits at the Alpha being on the loose. The large vampire had scared him enough being locked in a cage; now he was wandering free. Combined with seeing his mother again, James wasn't entirely sure if up was down or left was right. He could barely hold his gun straight.

Christian lagged behind them, and James shot him a wary look as he slowed, dropping his gun down to sigh heavily. 'You think he ran out?' He asked, and Sam and Samuel both turned, just in time to see the Alpha vampire grab Christian's head and twist. James yelled as Samuel shouted, and Christian dropped to the floor dead. Both the older men rushed the vampire as James tried to run for cover, but Samuel hit the deck quickly, as the Alpha grabbed Sam by the neck.

'You...you interested me.' He smiled, baring his sharp fangs. 'You would make one perfect animal.' Then he smashed his fist into the taller man's face, knocking him to the ground. His hungry gaze turned to James, who backed up into a wall. 'But you...you are unique, James Winchester. So many things I could teach you...' He knelt down, brushing a long claw down the boy's face as blue eyes started to fill with tears. He was trying so hard to be brave, but this was truly terrifying and not for the first time, he wondered what he'd done to deserve this hell of a life.

The Alpha got closer, and James shut his eyes. A growl echoed through the room, and he snapped them open again, just in time to see Alex grab the vampire and fling him backwards -

- straight into a black eyed Christian, who smiled at James.

Okay, maybe he should start trusting his instincts about demons.

Alex knelt down, checking James over, before smiling at him and moving away. James tried to reach out for her, but Sam was suddenly there, picking him up and backing away with Samuel.

'Alex!' Dean called from the doorway as he skidded into the room, just in time to see a black eyed Christian and Alex disappear with the Alpha in tow. He didn't waste a second, running across the room and tearing James from his brother's arms. 'Fuck.'

A clapping echoed across the room, revealing Crowley stood at the top of a fire escape. He dropped his hands to lean on the railings. 'Well. That was dramatic.' He grinned as he walked down the steps. 'Hello again, boys.'

'Bring Christian back now!' Samuel demanded, and Crowley looked at him with contempt.

'I'm sorry?'

'My nephew! The one you just crammed a demon into!'

Crowley waved a hand. 'Oh no. I had him possessed ages ago. I'm surprised little James didn't tell you, what with his ability to _see_ them.' The demon grinned at the boy who scrambled out of Dean's arms, scowling at the black suited crossroads king. 'Samuel, really. I keep an eye on my investments.'

Dean held up a hand, pointing between Crowley and his grandfather. 'Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. You two know each other?'

'Not in the biblical sense. More of a business relationship, I'd say.' Crowley grinned. Sam narrowed his eyes at Samuel.

'You're Crowley's bitch.'

Samuel shook his head. 'It's not what you think.'

Crowley chuckled. 'It's precisely what you think. That Alpha he's caught me is getting him a gold star.'

'Since when do you give a crap about vampires?' Dean demanded. Crowley walked up to him, pretending to think about the answer.

'Since, uh... What's today - Friday? Since, let's see - mind your business.' He jabbed a finger into Dean's chest and the hunter grimaced, his jaw tightening and his fists clenching.

Sam glared at Crowley as he walked past him. 'You may as well share with the class, Crowley. We know you're looking for Purgatory.'

'So you heard about that?'

'Yeah. You want to tell us why?'

Crowley shrugged. 'Isn't it obvious? Location, location, location. I'm a developer. Purgatory is vast, underutilized, and hell-adjacent, and I want it.'

'What for?' Dean asked, keeping James behind him. The boy continued to scowl at the demon, his gun shaking in his hand.

'Best shut your gob. Employees don't question management. Follow your sister's example.'

'We ain't your employees.' The eldest Winchester growled out.

Crowley smiled. 'Of course you are! Have been for some time now, thanks to gramps. I don't keep Captain Chromedome around for his wit, do I? Samuel knows things. More than any of you, actually. Walking encyclopedia of the creepy and the crawly. And I knew... You two are so hung up on family-loyalty nonsense, he said jump, you'd get froggy.'

'Yeah, well, the game's over.' Dean looked over at Sam, who nodded in agreement.

'Yeah, well, afraid not, not if you want to see Sam's soul, or your darling sister, ever again.'

Sam glared. 'You're bluffing.'

'Tell them, Samuel.' The demon instructed and the older hunter sighed, looking down at the floor before looking back up to the boys.

'He pulled us back, me and Sam.'

Sam took a step forward in anger. 'What?'

Dean shook his head. 'No, Cas says it takes big-time mojo to pull something like that off, and you're nothing but a punk-ass crossroads demon.'

'_Was_ a punk-ass crossroads demon. Now? King of hell. Believe me, I've got the mojo. I snap my fingers, Sam gets his soul back. Or you can be...You, and I shove Sam right back in the hole, and Alex right along with him. Can't imagine what it's like in there... and I can imagine so many things. So, we clear? Me, Charlie... you, angels. Job's simple enough - bring me creatures. Aim high on the food chain, please. I'll even call off the hunts for your boy there.' He pointed at James. 'Everybody wins. It's been a pleasure. See you soon.' With that, he disappeared and Gwen stormed forward, her anger focused on Samuel.

'You're letting a demon call the shots?'

'Nothing's changed. We hunt. Period. Don't worry about him. I'll take care of it.' He paused. 'You trust me or not? Get the van, Gwen.' She glared at him a while longer, then turned, stomping from the room. Sam turned to their grandfather.

'Working with a demon, huh?' Samuel didn't answer as he picked up a discarded gun from the floor. 'You're not who I thought you were.'

'You don't know anything about me, son.' Samuel replied, looking up at him. Dean shook his head.

'So, what's so important that you're the king of hell's cabana boy, huh? What'd he offer you? Girls? Money? Hair?'

'I got my reasons.' His eyes flickered to James, who stared at him, and Samuel got an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach as he looked at those blue eyes. Shaking it off, he looked back at Dean. 'You gonna make a move, go ahead.'

'Or what?'

Samuel sighed. 'Or nothing. I'm not gonna do anything to you, Dean. You boys, James... you're my family. So the way I see it, you got two choices - Put a bullet in your grandfather or step aside.'

Sam cocked his gun then, pointing it at Samuel, and James yelped a little, even as Dean's arm came up to push the gun down. His baby brother looked at him in surprise. 'He sold us out.' He said through gritted teeth and Dean nodded.

'I know.' He pushed at the gun again. 'Let it go.' Sam dropped the weapon to his side.

'Why?'

Dean didn't reply, addressing Samuel without looking at him. 'Get out of here.' The older man moved past him, and Dean waited until he was out of the room, before turning to check James over. 'You're not hurt, are you?' James shook his head, but his face was pale.

'So, what now?' Sam asked slowly, looking around the room.

'We can't work for Crowley.'

'Are you sure about that? I mean, he's got Alex. He's got my soul.'

'I don't think you understand. Demons bone you every time.'

Sam scoffed. 'Oh, no, I get it. I do, believe me.' He paused. 'Just running the math - do we really have another choice?'

'We could stab him in his throat.' James blurted out, earning himself a shocked look from Dean and amusement from Sam. Dean cocked his head to the side.

'Tempting.'

'And get my soul back how?' Sam held his arms out. 'I'm just saying, seems like we got to play ball, at least for the moment. If we want Alex back. Or any answers. And we need to keep James safe right?'

Dean shook his head, looking upwards. 'I have done some stupid things in my time, but punching a demon's clock?'

'Look, just till we find another way.' Sam suggested.

'And then?' Dean asked, ruffling James' hair in reassurance.

Sam's eyes narrowed and he grinned. 'And then we track Crowley down and give that son of a bitch what's coming to him.'


	46. Chapter 46

Dean's snoring echoed around the motel room, and James sat at the top of his bed, watching Sam at the table, tapping away on the laptop. They'd just come off of a case for Crowley, which hadn't ended how the demon wanted, and Dean had found out some truths from Sam that hadn't exactly warmed his soul. Or Sam's lack of. James had sat out most of the last case, but had barged into the warehouse they'd been fighting the skinwalkers in at the last minute, and he'd found himself having to shoot someone.

Again.

He wasn't a fan of shooting people, even if they were monsters.

He sighed heavily, and Sam stopped typing, looking over at him with a raised eyebrow. 'Can't sleep?' He asked, and James shook his head. 'What's wrong?' His uncle asked, and the boy rolled his eyes, scrambling off of the bed, casting a wary glance at Dean, who snorted loudly and rolled over.

'You don't really care.' James said, taking a seat at the table, and Sam tilted his head to the side.

'No. You're right. I don't. But I'm bored.'

James glared at him, hating this version of Sam, who pretended to care, and was only using them. He'd admitted to Dean that he only cared about keeping them around to help him, and that he knew James had some sort of bargaining value, which had pissed Dean off to no extent. But James had _known_ this wasn't really his uncle, so he remained cautious in dealing with him. 'I wanna summon Crowley.'

'What do you wanna do that for?' Sam looked confused for a moment, then it seemed to dawn on him. 'You wanna see your mom.'

'I don't know if summoning her would work. I mean, she had black eyes, but he said she wasn't a demon.' James sighed again. 'I know you don't care, but knowing my mom is out there...I just wanna know...if she's okay. If she remembers me.'

'I think she does remember you. I mean, she didn't hurt you right? And she seemed to care when that Alpha attacked you.' Sam shut the lid of his laptop. 'And I'm not saying this to make you feel better. I honestly couldn't care less.' He looked over at his sleeping brother. 'But...I'm bored. Let's go summon Crowley.'

James watched him for a moment, then nodded, grabbing his boots and coat. He followed Sam out of the motel room, and to the Impala, where they grabbed what they needed to summon the King Of Hell. Sam decided they would be best off doing it in the open, so they headed round the back of the motel rooms to the yard behind, keeping an eye out for anyone around. Seeing as it was close to two in the morning, the place was deserted, and Sam started to set up the spell as James drew a devils trap in chalk on the concrete floor.

Both of them were so engrossed in what they were doing, that the fluttering of wings went unnoticed and neither of them realised that Castiel was stood there until he spoke.

'I'm curious as to what you are doing at this hour, with the ingredients for a summoning spell.' Sam turned slowly, but James whirled in shock at the sound of the angel's voice. Cas tilted his head to the side, contemplating James for a moment, then looking up to Sam, eyes blazing. 'Are you intending harm to the boy?'

'No.' Sam shrugged. 'He wanted to summon Crowley.'

'Why?' Castiel's eyes slid back to James.

'Because my mom's alive and he knows where she is.' James said. 'How come you didn't know?' He tilted his chin upwards in defiance, as Cas stared at him in disbelief. 'You said you loved her. But you didn't even know she was alive.' His blue eyes were levelled on the angel, who blinked several times, unsure of how to respond.

'Your...your mother is...alive?' Cas stared, and Sam narrowed his eyes.

'You really didn't know?' The soulless hunter asked, making a face. 'Huh. I figured you were lying.' Castiel looked towards him, anger flaring in his gaze. 'Anyway, Crowley has her, she's alive but apparently kinda evil and has a pet hellhound or something. We saw her last week at Samuel's warehouse. Where he's been keeping and torturing Alpha's for the King Of Hell?' The angel simply stared in response. 'You really didn't know any of this?'

'I was unaware...' Cas trailed off, his eyes on the ground. 'Alex is alive...'

'Can we get on with this?' James asked, deciding to ignore the angel in favour of his uncle. 'We don't need him here.' Castiel flinched at his dismissal, but didn't speak of it, knowing he deserved the hurt, and more besides. But he remained where he stood.

'I'm not leaving.' Cas insisted. 'I need to see her for myself.' Sam shrugged, bending to a crouch and lighting a match. He uttered a few words in Latin, and the bowl of herbs went up in flames, and the three of them stood around, watching, waiting, their eyes on the devils trap.

'He's not gonna show.' James said, his tone dejected as he slumped to the ground, pulling his coat around him. Despite the warmer season, for the end of the April, two a.m. was still chilly. And his Spiderman pyjamas were not exactly warm.

'He has to. We summoned him.'

'I was delayed.' Crowley's voice made all of them look up. The demon glanced at the devil's trap and grimaced. 'Nice work, James. Pity I'm not stupid enough to fall for it. And besides, I know exactly what you want.' His eyes flicked to Castiel. 'Hello, Feathers.'

'Where is she?' The angel demanded. Crowley grinned in response.

'Straight to the punch.' He watched as James got to his feet. 'She's not far. Hasn't been since you found her actually. She's a little less...obedient. Turns out, she might not remember she's a Winchester but...' His eyes remained on the boy. 'I suppose a _mother_ always knows, right?'

'What do you mean?' James asked.

'She's knows you're hers.' Crowley's words were spoken as if he were a toddler throwing a strop. 'And unfortunately, her remembering even the slightest detail of who she is, means she's less inclined to do as she's told. And she's ever such a good little soldier. Very talented. Wouldn't you agree, Castiel?'

The angel's eyes narrowed at the leer on Crowley's face, and he took a step forward. 'Why did you not tell us?'

'Why should I have done?' Crowley asked, opening his arms wide. 'She isn't of any use to you, she is of use to me. And she's _very_ useful. Or she was.' He scowled. 'She's spent the last week trailing you. If I hadn't distracted her at the last minute, she'd probably have torn that warehouse apart to protect you from those filthy dogs.' He rolled his eyes. 'In fact, she'd hiding somewhere around here now.' Raising his voice, he shouted out into the darkness surrounding them. 'Aren't you, treacle?' A growl answered his shout, and James took a step back as the hellhound appeared from the woods behind them.

Sam reached out, putting a hand on James' shoulder. 'Can you see it?' He asked, and the boy nodded. Cas looked between the hound and the blue eyed youngster, raising an eyebrow.

'He can see the hound?'

'It lets me see it.' James said, not looking at Cas.

'He tell you he can see demons as well?' Crowley asked. 'Or how about those neat little healing powers? Oh, it's a shame I called off the hunt for you, littlest Winchester. You're ripe for the picking right now.' He grinned, and Cas balled his fists.

'You stay the hell away from him.'

'And why do you care so much? You relinquished the boy into Dean's care, remember?' Crowley scoffed, and then looked at Sam. 'And I don't think Moose here gives a crap either way.' The hellhound growled as Alex dropped into view beside it, her eyes trained on Crowley as she scowled. The demon held his hands up. 'However, mummy dearest seems to give a rats ass. So I'm going to be on my way.' He approached Alex, who tilted her head at him, eyes narrowed. 'Be back for supper, darling.' And he was gone.

Silence fell over the small yard, the only noises coming from animals far away in the woods and the heavy panting of the hellhound. Alex ran her hand down it's back, and the beast dropped to the floor, laying itself comfortably at her side. She looked at the three in the yard, showing barely any interest in Sam or Castiel, her eyes fixating on James.

'James.' She whispered, kneeling down, removing the machete from it's holder on her leg and placing it beside the hound. James stared for a few seconds, before running forward and throwing himself into his mother's arms. Alex smiled as she wrapped him tightly in her embrace, picking him up, holding him close to her.

'Mom.' James sobbed into her shoulder, and the angel and hunter watched as mother and son sought comfort in their reunion. Sam cast his eyes over his sister's form - she was in a better state than she had been before - although she still wasn't wearing shoes. Her clothes seemed mostly intact and there were no blood stains on her, save for the ones on the machete. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail; how she'd often worn it for most of her life, and she seemed slightly more coherent than she had last time.

'You remember him.' Cas said suddenly, causing Alex to look up sharply at the angel. She lowered James to the floor but didn't let go of him, her eyes landing on Cas, then flickering to Sam.

'It took time.' She said simply, and her voice was raspy, like she hadn't spoken in a long time. 'But I do.' She contemplated them for a moment. 'I don't remember you though.' The angel sagged under her words, hurt racing across his face.

Sam chirped up quickly, thinking it would probably be best for him to introduce himself first. He didn't really fancy dealing with a pissed off and possibly demonic sister. She'd been a dirty fighter before this; no doubt she was worse now. And she had a hellhound. 'I'm Sam.' He said, smiling awkwardly. 'I'm...well, I'm your brother.' Alex regarded him with disinterest, then sighed.

'Sorry. I don't remember you.' She repeated, looking down at James. He gazed back, keeping his arms around her waist, wondering if he was dreaming.

'What do you remember?' Cas asked slowly, looking over at Sam with concern. Sam shrugged in response and Alex sighed.

'I remember heat. Pain. Then fighting. Lots of fighting.' She looked pained at the attempt to recall her memories. 'Everything hurt. I was...I couldn't think straight. Crowley...he...he said he knew my name. Said he knew who I was. That he would tell me. If I'd work for him.' She looked down at James. 'He sent me to the warehouse. Said some monster needed collecting. And that there was someone there I would need to protect.' She smiled widely, running her hand through James' short blonde hair. 'He was right. The moment I saw you, I knew. And I knew you were mine. I had to protect you.' James buried his face in her side, and Alex looked back up to Sam and Cas. 'Crowley gave me a way back to him. But I won't do his dirty work any more.'

'Wish we could say the same.' Sam grunted, looking over at Cas, who frowned.

'What do you mean?'

'It doesn't matter.' The taller man replied, sighing. 'Look, it's great you're back and all, but we can't stand out here all night. And we need answers. You might be able to provide those, if you could just...I don't know, dig a little deeper?' Alex glared at him.

'Don't you think I tried that?' She reached down, picking up her weapon again and re-sheathing it, gripping James' hand tightly. 'I have lost my life here. I only remember bits and pieces. I can't remember my son being born.' A scowl came across her face. 'I want to remember. But something stops me.'

'So you don't remember the cage?' Castiel asked, his tone gentle. Alex frowned.

'No. Crowley said that was where I was. He never said why, or even what it was.'

'It should have broken you, in theory.' Cas said.

Sam chewed his bottom lip. 'In theory? I think it _has_ broken her, Cas.' The angel turned his head to look at him. Sam shrugged. 'Maybe we should get inside. Are you planning on sticking with us?' He asked Alex, who nodded.

'I'm not leaving him again.' She clutched James' hand that little bit tighter, and he smiled up at her. 'Come on, Fido.' The hellhound yawned widely and stood, stretching languidly and following her as she moved between Cas and Sam, James pulling her towards their room.

'You called your hellhound "Fido"?' Sam asked, his eyes on the air where the hound was supposed to be.

'And?' Alex threw back.

'We should probably leave him outside.' James said as they rounded the corner to the motel room. 'Uncle Dean _really_ doesn't like hellhounds.' Alex's face fell a little.

'Oh. I don't know if he'll like that. What if I tell him to be real quiet?' She asked, looking down at the hellhound, who gazed back with bright red eyes. 'He's usually really well behaved.' James contemplated it for a moment as Sam and Cas joined them on the parking lot directly outside their motel room.

'I guess. If he'll stay in a corner so Uncle Dean doesn't fall over him. And he won't bark, or growl or nothing?' Alex shook her head and James nodded. 'It should be okay then. I'd ask Uncle Sam but he doesn't care if Dean is scared or not.'

'Why not?' Alex asked, looking over at her brother.

'Because he doesn't have a soul.'

'Oh. That explains a lot.' She said, and Sam frowned, unsure whether to be offended or not. Alex shrugged in response. 'I guess I just feel things. You feel like...like ice or something. Like you're there, but not.'

'So, you have your soul?' Castiel asked again, not having taken his eyes off of Alex since she appeared. She nodded, looking at him quizzically.

'Why wouldn't I have my soul? According to Crowley I have a "disgusting abundance", which was why I only did the dirty work involving demons. But now I've got my son back, and apparently a whole bunch of family to go with it, I guess I can ditch working for the sleazebag from Hell.' She chuckled. 'It's no wonder he's pissed really.'

James opened his mouth to ask her another question, when the motel room door flew open and Dean stood, glaring at them. He looked as if he was going to flip out, then his eyes settled on his sister and the anger washed away. 'Alex?' He asked, stepping forward. 'That...that you?' He looked down at where she was holding James' hand. 'You're...you again?'

'Not quite.' Sam answered for her, pushing past his brother into the motel room. Dean glanced at him, then back to Alex before looking over at the angel stood in the darkness, his face a mask of confusion.

'What do you mean by that?' His expression melted into despair. 'Please don't tell me she's soulless too.'

'No, no. I have my soul.' Alex waved him off, seeming so much like the old Alex that he dared to hope for a moment. 'I just don't know who you are. Don't know who I am really.' Hope - crushed. Winchester curse strikes again. Dean sighed, looking down at James. 'I remember him. That's it.'

'It's a start, Dean.' Cas offered, and Dean nodded, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'Shall we take this into your room? James is only wearing his pyjamas and it would not be constructive for him to catch a cold right now.' Dean was ready with an insult pertaining to Cas' parenting skills and sudden concern, but he realised very quickly that it would probably not go down very well with an amnesiac sister and his nephew. So he shut his mouth tight and stood back, allowing them into the room. Cas seemed to take forever to follow them in, and Dean was sure he felt something brush against his leg, but he put it down to tiredness as he shut the door behind the angel.

James sat on his bed, his mom beside him as Sam took a seat at the kitchenette table and Cas leant against the fridge. Dean looked around at their small, fucked up family and grimaced.

'So. Who wants to go first?'

* * *

Alex laid on the bed beside James, watching him sleep. The sun was only just rising over the town they were in, and she smiled softly as the early morning light hit the room, illuminating everything in a pale yellow glow. On the other bed, Dean slept fitfully, and she raised her eyes to him briefly, wishing she could place him. She thought she felt some kind of connection to him, but it was only through James' resemblance. Maybe on some level, she _knew_ Dean was her brother, but right now, she couldn't recognise it.

On the other hand, she felt no connection to Sam whatsoever. In fact, he downright made her skin crawl. She didn't like him near her; his lack of soul was disturbing. Alex didn't relish the thought of spending much more time with him.

The angel was intriguing to her. He'd gone now, leaving them for some war or something in heaven - something they'd apparently caused. They hadn't discussed the past much last night, and Castiel had spent the whole time giving her little sidelong looks, and something about it made her uncomfortable and warm all at the same time. None of them had said how she and the angel knew each other, and she didn't really want to ask; she wasn't sure she wanted to even _know_. He looked at her like he knew her intimately, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to remember that.

They'd fired questions at her last night. Was she a demon? No, she wasn't. She had certain abilities that a demon possessed and her eyes did on occasion, flash black - but that only happened when she was angry. Mostly it happened around Crowley. Something about the little demon got her back up, and she didn't know what it was. His constant flirting and insinuations were bad enough, but he deigned to give her _orders_, it made her feel pretty pissy towards him.

What did she remember? Did she know about the cage? About hell? She wasn't sure. From what Crowley had told her, he'd found her about six months previous, fighting his demons. She already had the hound then, and her memories were fuzzy from before. She wasn't sure if she'd been in hell or the cage, or whatever they called it, and trying to remember only hurt her more.

Finally Dean had given up, wanting some more sleep and knowing James needed some too. Alex had agreed, only saying that she didn't need to sleep. The angel had taken off then, relieving her from the constant thoughts about him and the way she was reacting to him. Sam had only said he was going for a walk as he didn't sleep either, and Dean had shot them both suspicious looks before turning his back and heading for his bed.

He hadn't noticed the hellhound in the room yet.

Fido was currently beside her bed, snoring softly. It wasn't loud, and she wasn't worried about it waking Dean. Of course he was scared of the hounds - they'd dragged him to hell once upon a time, killed good friends of his -

Alex paused in her thoughts, concentrating hard. None of those things were things the boys had told her last night. So she knew them herself. Did this mean she was recalling her past? Was being with the rest of her family somehow unblocking some dam in her mind? She closed her eyes concentrating hard and -

Nothing.

Zip.

Nada.

She sighed, settling back down.

Just a coincidence.

* * *

'Samuel. He's our grandfather, right?' Alex asked suddenly, not looking up from the diner table where she was drawing patterns in the sugar she'd spilt over the table. She was bored sat here whilst they ate, after having explained she was rarely, if ever, hungry any more. It didn't help her boredom that Dean had made her come in here, and made her leave Fido outside, sulking. He'd not been too happy to trip over a sleeping hellhound when he was trying to get out of the motel room this morning. 'I mean, like blood and all?'

Dean looked over at Sam and nodded. 'Yeah. He is.'

'Oh. I saw him a couple of times when I was doing jobs for Crowley. He didn't recognise me. But then, I suppose...he's never really met me huh?' She sighed. 'I know what he was working for. I guess it makes sense now.'

'What was he working for?' Sam asked, curiously.

Alex thought for a moment. 'He said something about getting his daughter back. So that would be your - our mom?' Dean's eyes widened. 'I guess...I don't know what I guess actually.' James looked over at her from his burger as she returned to drawing sugar patterns on the table top. 'So where are we going from here?'

'Wait, he said he wanted Crowley to bring Mom back?' Dean clarified and his sister nodded. 'Can Crowley even do that?'

'Yeah. I mean, Crowley brought him and Sam back right?' Alex drew an angel banishing sigil in the sugar, then swiped through it with her finger. 'I know he didn't bring me back though. Said he was trying to figure out who did.'

'And you have no idea?' Sam asked, watching her carefully. She shook her head, then looked over at James, reaching out to ruffle his hair.

'Nope. But I'm here right? We just need to figure out how to put my memories back together and we're all good.' She smiled at the boy, who nodded, taking another bite of his burger. To him, it didn't matter if his mom didn't remember the details; she knew who he was, that she was his mom and that she loved him. He didn't even need her to say it - just seeing it in her eyes was enough. But he did know that Uncle Dean and Sam wouldn't stop until they'd figured it out, nor would they stop until they had Sam's soul back in him.

'So, where are we headed from here?' Sam asked.

'Bobby said there was a case in Elwood, but given the change in circumstances...' Dean motioned to Alex, who was now sipping gingerly at a glass of water. 'He sent someone else to work it.' He popped a couple of fries into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Sam pushed his half eaten salad away from him, and the sound of a phone going off made them all pause. The tallest Winchester recognised it as his phone, and pulled it from his pocket, opening the text message.

'Moose. Got a collection needs to be made.' He read out loud, and Alex snorted.

'Let me guess - Crowley?' Sam nodded, and Dean growled into his soda. Alex looked down at James. 'He's gonna keep pushing this. Thinks he's got you by the short and curlies.'

'He has my soul.' Sam pointed out, and Alex chuckled dryly.

'You're sure trusting him on blind faith with that one.' She pointed out. 'Has he done anything to prove it?'

Both Winchester brothers paused at that, considering the evidence they had. Crowley had only _said_ he had Sam's soul. He had never proved it. Dean's eyes connected with Sam's. 'Son of a bitch.'

'You two were always slow on the pick up.' A new voice spoke from behind them, and all of them looked towards the booth next to theirs. Meg turned in her seat, smiling widely.

'Oh look, an evil bitch.' Dean drawled and Meg smiled.

'Always with the sweet talk, Deano.' She waggled her eyebrows at Alex, who frowned in confusion. 'How ya doing, girlfriend?'

'Do I know you?' Alex asked, and James pulled on her sleeve.

'She's a demon. A bad demon. She got me hurt once.' Understanding dawned on Alex's face and a dark haze dropped over her expression.

'It was a complete accident.' Meg grinned again. 'And I'm here to help. Scouts honor.'

Dean raised an eyebrow, pulling the knife lose from his belt. 'I doubt that. Wanna explain further before I make a really big scene? Or I could get Alex to call in her pet dog to rip you a new one?'

The demoness tutted and shook her head. 'I want Crowley. And he's been tugging your strings for months - without your knowledge. He's been lying to you. He doesn't have Sam's soul.' Her eyes landed on Alex. 'And I happen to know who brought you back. You're a little bit of a legend in some circles, sweetheart.'

'Huh?' Alex's brows knitted together in confusion.

'The Winchester sister. Sucked into the cage with two seriously pissed archangels.' Meg smiled, her eyes flashing as she looked down to James. 'And the one thing that got her out.'

'I - I didn't...' James looked panicked. Dean spared him a glance, before discreetly showing Meg the knife.

'Oh he didn't do anything.' Meg's eyes landed on the knife, and then she looked around at the fairly busy diner. 'How about we take this somewhere a bit more...private and I can tell you everything I know?' She stood up, handing Dean a business card. 'See you tonight.' And she was gone. Alex looked around, scowling at the lack of demon in the diner.

'You think we can trust her?' Dean asked, and Sam shrugged.

'You wanted to screw over Crowley. Merry Christmas.' Dean stared at him. 'What?' His brother asked, unsure of what he'd done wrong this time.

'You wanna work with a demon again?

'We're working with demons now. We do this, we can stop. Especially if she's telling the truth and Crowley doesn't have my soul.'

Dean frowned down at the business card. 'She killed Ellen and Jo! She almost killed Bobby and James.'

Sam sighed heavily in response, looking over at Alex. 'I know. But you can't look at his emotionally, Dean. We need her.' Alex chewed the side of her mouth. She didn't remember the female demon, but if this was gonna help them get back at Crowley - and boy, did she wanna get back at Crowley - then she was all for it.

'The hell we do! That little bitch is gonna screw us over so fast -'

His brother nodded, interrupting him. 'Of course. Which is why we'll screw her first. Meg and her little posse are dead the second we're done with them.'

'Yeah, if they don't kill us.' Dean huffed, then straightened as a smile spread over Sam's face.

'They won't. 'Cause we're bringing insurance.'

* * *

Meg hadn't told them the entire truth yet. She hadn't told them much of anything really, even after they'd turned up with Castiel in tow. She'd explained to them what she'd heard, and the news had given them all something to think about. Whilst Sam and Dean nailed down the details for getting into Crowley's operation, she'd disappeared from the room, checking briefly on James, who slept in the Impala, a blanket wrapped around him and the hellhound guarding him.

She found a foothold in the side of the house and started to climb, finding her way up to the second floor with ease. It was quieter up here. She'd found that, even though she didn't know herself, she knew some things she liked; things that felt familiar. Climbing was one of them.

Crossing her legs, she sat on the room, her senses alert as she thought over what Meg had told them. According to the demon, no one had pulled her out of hell. As the rumour went, Alex had dragged herself out of the cage, finding a hole. She'd made her own way topside, somehow picking up a hellhound on the way, but the trip had naturally left her traumatised. And the reason that the only thing she could remember was James, was because he was the thing that kept her going. Or so the story was being told.

Hell had affected her in ways they were yet to understand - Alex knew there was a darkness inside her now, that her own soul was slightly tainted and twisted black. She knew this, and accepted it. But as long as she had something to keep her focused on the good, she'd be fine. She was unconcerned with finding the rest of her memories - James was her only thought now. Crowley had dangled this in front of her for so long, finally recovering that part of her was all she had wanted.

The fluttering of wings behind her had her on her feet, ready to fight, until she recognised the angel before her. She relaxed, hanging back slightly. 'Thought you were planning with the boys?'

Castiel tilted his head to the side. 'I was concerned about you. You seemed...perturbed by what the demon said.'

Alex waved his concern off. 'No. I'm fine. To be honest, all I cared about was James anyway, so remembering who I am...it's not important. I know I'm his mother.'

The angel frowned again. He seemed to do that a lot. 'What...what if there were others who cared for you?'

'Like Sam and Dean?'

Cas smiled slightly, shaking his head. 'No. Although yes, I suppose so.'

'You're very confusing.'

'You have told me that before.' He said wistfully, stepping closer to her. Alex shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to take his words, or his presence here. The angel looked around, smiling again. 'You always did enjoy climbing. Your whole life, you'd find the highest spot you could reach. The roof outside your room at Bobby's was a favourite spot.' He looked sad then. 'I spent a lot of time there after you...fell.'

Alex narrowed her eyes, as if trying to figure him out. 'Were...were we close?' She asked, and Cas chuckled.

'You could say that.' He looked directly at her, his blue eyes burning brightly in the darkness. A memory floated just within her grasp and she looked over her shoulder, off of the roof and down to the parked Impala, where James still slept.

'Your eyes...' She whispered, looking back to him. 'You...' She shook her head, pressing her palm to her forehead as if she was in pain. 'I can't...' Her voice was a throaty gasp, and Cas looked worried as he moved closer to her, placing his hands on her upper arms, stroking her skin through the material of her shirt.

'Don't try to remember anything if it hurts.' He instructed and she nodded numbly, leaning into him slightly. 'Don't, Alex. Don't hurt yourself.'

'I'm not...' She muttered, then pulled herself free from his embrace. 'I'm not trying. I don't need to.' She lifted her chin defiantly. 'I don't _want_ to.' She turned, flinging herself off of the roof, grabbing the pipes and landing gracefully on the ground below. With one last glance up to the roof, where he stood watching, she turned and disappeared into the house.


	47. Chapter 47

Alex sat, watching James sleep, listening to her brothers argue downstairs. Sam shouted, Dean shouted, and she sighed heavily, not caring either way about their conversation. She'd not remembered anything further since their attack on Crowley, and she hadn't really been making much effort, truth be told. She knew she was James' mother, she felt that in her gut. She knew she was a Winchester, that the two overgrown men downstairs were her brothers, and she'd be reintroduced to Bobby, who she immediately took too. She guessed that on some level, she remembered him as well.

She had been avoiding Castiel since their conversation, unsure of him, of whatever was between them. His eyes had struck a chord inside her, and she hadn't wanted to acknowledge it, finding it too painful. She knew something connected him to her and James – the blue eyes he shared with her son gave that away.

Dean had gone off earlier on in the day, looking for a way to restore Sam's soul. He'd returned not long ago, and this was what their argument was most likely about. Sam didn't want his soul back – Cas had insinuated that it would be damaged and that he might become a drooling wreck if it was shoved back into him. Alex wondered how much of that was true – she'd been through hell, and had come out fine, aside from the complete memory lapse, but then if they were correct, Sam's soul had been down in the cage with two majorly pissed archangels for the last year. That couldn't end well for any soul.

Her thoughts drifted as she stared at the sleeping boy, trying to dredge up anything about her time in hell, how she'd clawed her way out...but nothing came of it. She couldn't remember anything at all about it. The first thing she remembered in her altered state, was fighting the demons, the hellhound by her side and Crowley's voice distracting her, calling her by a name she'd not known. Before that...there were glimpses of a life, but not one that she could recognise as her own, aside from her connection to James. He stirred then, and she sat straight, noticing that the argument downstairs had stopped.

'Alex?'

She looked up, seeing Dean at the door. 'Hi.'

'I take it you heard that?' Dean's eyes moved over to James, who rolled over, muttering something in his dreams. Alex nodded as Dean looked back to her. 'Yeah. Sam...he's being difficult.'

'Where did you go earlier? About his soul?' She asked, standing up. Dean glanced at his nephew again, then motioned for her to come out into the hallway. She followed, pulling the door shut behind her. James was safe – Fido was standing guard under his window at her instruction. Dean still hadn't noticed the hellhound, which Alex only found slightly amusing.

'I went to see Death.'

'Death, as in, "Angel Of"?' Her eyebrows shot up in confusion and her brother nodded, scrubbing a hand over his face.

'Was gonna make a deal with him. Give him his ring back, then get him to put Sam's soul back in him.' He sighed heavily. 'Only, it didn't go down that way. He rambled on a bit, was gonna ask me to do something else, then he just paused and said he couldn't help.'

'Why not?' Alex folded her arms over her chest.

'Because Sam's soul isn't in the cage.' He said, and her eyes widened in response. 'He said he didn't know where it was.'

'What if...what he's...' Alex started, then pointed upwards and Dean shook his head.

'No. I can't believe that.' He looked around. 'I need to call Cas, see if he can find it. Death said there is one way to try and trace it. Through the last soul it was closest to.'

She blinked, staring at him. 'My...my soul? You can trace Sam through my soul?' A grimace crossed her face. 'Won't that hurt?'

'Probably.' Dean watched her intently. 'Look, Alex, I know you don't remember us. I know you pretty much don't know us from Adam, and you probably don't want to do this, but please, I have to fix Sam.'

'Even if he doesn't want to be fixed?' She asked, looking back at him curiously. He nodded and she sighed, looking back at the closed bedroom door. 'I'll do it. Not for Sam. I don't...you're right. I don't know you. I feel some kind of...well, hell if I know. But it's weird and...look, I'll just do it okay?'

Dean smiled a little, pulling her into a hug. She yelped, pushing back against him and he released her with an apology. 'Sorry. Just...thank you, Alex. Hopefully we can find a way to get your memories back after all this.'

'Maybe.' She replied, chewing the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. 'Let me know when you want me.' And with that, she pushed past him, heading for what she'd been told was her room, shutting the door behind her. Once she heard Dean's footsteps down the stairs, she opened the window and hopped out onto the roof, shimmying up the drainpipe next to the window and climbing onto the top of the house. The air was crisp and slightly chilly, and she shivered, appreciating the feeling. She liked the cold – not surprising if she really had dragged herself out of hell.

Alex folded her legs underneath her, laying on her back to stare up at the stars. Bobby's house was the middle of nowhere and it was nice to see the stars so clearly on a night like tonight. Her eyes scanned the sky, as if looking for something, before she sighed and closed them, humming to herself as she listened to the world around her.

'Sam's gone.' Were the first words she heard from her brother as she plodded into the kitchen, looking for a snack. It was early in the morning, and Dean sat at the kitchen table with Bobby, Cas stood leaning against the counter. 'He took off sometime in the night. So we need to find his soul. ASAP.'

'So you need to use mine to locate it right? How exactly does that work?' Alex looked over at Castiel, who was doing his intense staring thing in her direction again.

'I would need to touch your soul. It should not take more than a few seconds, but it will be excruciatingly painful.'

'Right.' She looked around, then over her shoulder. 'Can I suggest we do it in the panic room then? You know, so James doesn't hear me screaming. I don't think he needs any more mental trauma in this lifetime.'

'Not a problem. Bobby, you stay here in case either Sam comes back or James wakes up.' The old hunter nodded, and Dean stood, looking over to the angel, who raised his chin and pushed off the counter, following Dean and Alex down into the basement. The heavy iron door squeaked as it opened and all three stepped inside. Alex turned to face them, uncertainty on her face.

'This would be easier if you laid down.' Cas gestured to the cot in the middle of the room and Alex complied, laying stiffly on the bed. Dean watched as Cas knelt next to her, his face pensive as he looked down on her. She didn't look back, which was probably a good thing. Dean hated how Cas looked at her like he was a man starved, and wondered how his sister hadn't picked up on that just yet. As the angel rolled his sleeve up, Alex tensed, closing her eyes. 'Try and relax.' Cas said, his hand settling over her chest, his breath hitching in his throat. This was only the second time he'd touched her since her return, and the slightest contact made his grace surge, searching out the missing piece he'd placed in her so long ago. This would likely be as painful for him as it would be for her. 'Take a breath, Alex.' He instructed, doing so himself before pushing his hand towards her soul.

The scream she let out was piercing, and Dean winced as he watched the bright light pour from within her, filling the room with warmth. Cas grunted as he searched for whatever he needed, and Alex's scream stopped after a few seconds and she stared, wide eyed at the ceiling as Cas finished, pulling away. He landed on his ass with a gasp, supporting himself on his arms.

'So?' Dean asked, and Cas looked over at him, worry on his face. Alex groaned, rolling onto her side into the foetal position. Cas looked between her and Dean, before pushing himself up.

How the hell could he explain this? Even he wasn't sure he understood. He'd found Sam's soul, knew Alex's grace and memories were still locked away inside her, but he'd seen _everything_. She'd pulled herself out of hell with what they'd believed was the love of her son. But it hadn't been just that.

'Dean...'

'Did you find Sam's soul? Do you know where it is?' Cas nodded at the hunter's questions, and Dean became frustrated. 'So? Where is it? Can we go get it?' Another nod from the angel and Dean scowled. 'I'm gonna need something a little more verbal here.'

'Sam's soul is fine. It is not broken or fractured. He has not been damaged.'

'Right...' Dean urged him to continue, looking over at his sister, who was clutching her stomach.

'Alex pulled herself from Hell.' Cas was staring at her as well now, his voice even except for the slightest shake. 'She fought her way out, which is a difficult, _impossible_ thing for a human to do. She was tortured in the cage, Dean, but she managed to escape. The Cage was not meant to hold humans.'

'What does this have to do with Sam's soul?' Dean asked, although he was afraid of the answer.

'Sam's soul is not damaged because Alex protected it. His body was pulled from Hell, leaving his soul behind to presumably undergo the tortures my brothers had planned for him. But Alex protected him. Alex took his soul into her, using the grace she held to keep him from harm. She shouldered it _all_, Dean. Forgetting who she is, who we are...it is her soul's way of coping with the horrors it has endured.' He looked back to Dean then, his eyes wide. Dean stared back, horror etched on his face. 'Alex fought her way out, not only to return to James, but to return Sam's soul.'

'Can we get it out of her?' He asked quietly, as Alex pushed herself up to sitting, one hand on her head.

'That is a simple task. But we need your brother here.' Castiel looked over as Alex stood, wobbly on her feet. He was at her side in an instant, trying to ignore the pull of her grace on his. He'd missed that gentle tug, and it was stronger now, the grace freed by his invasion, nothing numbing it. She looked up at him in confusion, feeling the same tug but not understanding. When her eyes flashed black, he swallowed and she pushed his touch away, staring at Dean as her eyes faded back to their normal colour.

'What did you do to me?' Alex gasped, her hand on her chest now as she looked back at Castiel. 'What the hell...' She winced, shaking her head a little as if to clear the fog.

'You will feel residual effects from me touching your soul. It will not last long, I promise.' The angel reached out a hand as if to touch her again, but reconsidered it, pulling his hand back to his side, looking away. 'I would suggest you retrieve Sam quickly. Alex has sheltered his soul for long enough.'

'I've done what now?' Alex's eyes widened, and Dean nodded.

'I'll fill you in on the way. Bobby can stay with James. We'll go find Sam.'

* * *

James stretched and yawned, rolling out of bed. He blinked sleepily, then pulled out a pair of jeans from his rucksack and a clean t-shirt. After dressing, he thundered down the stairs, wondering where his mom had gotten too, finding only Bobby in the kitchen.

'Morning, sport.' The old hunter greeted, a grin on his face. 'Hungry?'

'Where's my mom?' The boy asked, looking around still.

Bobby smiled tightly, placing a bowl of cereal on the table. 'She's gone out with your Uncle Dean. Sammy went walk about, so they went to find him. They won't be long.' James eyed him for a moment, then sighed, slipping into the chair at the table, tucking into his cereal. Bobby watched him for a few moments, before fixing himself a coffee. 'I gotta do some work out in the yard today. You fancy giving me a hand?'

James nodded, shovelling the cereal into his mouth. 'That sounds cool.' He spoke around the mouthful of food, which made Bobby chuckle. The front door opened and closed, and Sam walked in, looking a nonchalant as anything.

'Where you been?' Sam blinked at Bobby's question, then shrugged.

'Went for a drive. No biggie.' The taller man looked around. 'Where's Dean and Alex?'

'Went out looking for you.' Bobby said, getting up from the table. 'Want a coffee?'

'Please.' Sam didn't sit, standing and watching as Bobby got up.

'You taking it black these days?' The old man asked, and Sam shook his head. 'Good thing I got some milk.' He chuckled, moving over to the fridge, opening it and bending down. Sam glanced at James, who had his back to them, then picked up a wrench from the side, where Bobby had dumped a load of his tools for cleaning the night before. He raised it, ready to bring it down on the old man's head, but Bobby turned, smacking him in the face with a baseball bat he'd pulled from the fridge. Sam crumpled to the floor, and Bobby stood over him, James jumped from his seat, wide eyed with shock. 'May have been born at night, boy, but it wasn't last night.' He grabbed James by the shoulder, pushing him out into the hallway as he reached for the rope he'd hung on the cellar door. As he turned back, Sam was nowhere to be seen, and he pulled the boy closer to him. 'Not good. Let's not do anything hasty here, Sam.'

James swallowed hard, looking up at his grandfather. 'What's he doing?'

'I don't know, kiddo. But he's not in his right mind. We need to get you some place safe.' He ushered the boy towards the stairs, and James ran up them. 'Hide.' Bobby ordered, and James disappeared from sight, just as Sam called out. Bobby's eyes widened and he ran, heading for his own room. James was small, and damn good at hide and seek. He was confident he'd outrun the bigger hunter until his mom and uncle got back.

'Bobby!' Sam's voice called out, his footsteps thumping up the stairs as Bobby hid in the closet of his bedroom, hoping Sam would fall for the trap. He waited, hearing Sam enter his bedroom. 'Bobby, if you don't come out, I'll find James first.' The footsteps stopped for a moment, and Bobby watched through the keyhole as Sam looked around the room. He held an axe in one hand, and Bobby swallowed, breathing heavily. Sam looked at the closet, and headed towards it, raising the axe. It came smashing into the closet door.

'Don't say, "here's Johnny."'

Sam paused in his attack. 'I got to do this, Bobby. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have cornered yourself.'

Bobby grinned reaching out for the switch on the wall. 'I didn't!' He pressed the button, and Sam dropped through the floor, landing heavily in the basement. Bobby scrambled from the closet, hearing Sam get to his feet and start hammering at the door with a discarded crowbar. 'Reinforced steel core, titanium kick plate. Get comfy.' He took a breath. 'You want to explain what this is about?'

'I just, uh...' He hit the door again. 'I have to do this, Bobby.'

'Says who?'

'If Dean shoves that soul back in me, think how bad that could really be. I can't let it happen, Bobby. I mean, it's not like I want to kill you. You've been nothing but good to me.'

'So...What, demon deal or something?'

'Spell.' Sam replied, moving around. Bobby couldn't see him, and wondered what he was doing.

'You're making a mistake, Sam.'

'I'm trying to survive.' Came the gritted reply.

'No, you're not. Death said your soul wasn't in hell.'

'Doesn't mean it isn't broken.'

Bobby scrubbed a hand over his face, leaning further over the trapdoor. 'No, you idjit. Your soul is fine.'

'Yeah, what if it isn't? Dean doesn't care about me. He - he just cares about his little brother, Sammy. He'll kill me to get that other guy back.'

'Look, I...I know how scary it is. But you know what's scarier? You right now. You're not in your right head, Sam. You're not giving us much choice here.' He didn't get a reply, and he got to his feet. 'Sam?' He moved to the bedroom door. 'Balls!' He hurried down the stairs, growling under his breath as he went, hoping James was still hidden. 'Ain't nobody killing me in my house but me. I don't want to blow your legs out, boy, but I will.' He opened the door the panic room, seeing the vent broken and Sam gone. There was a spot of blood on the edge of the vent, and Bobby went back up the stairs, grabbing his gun as he went. Exiting the house, he found the vent from the panic room, a trail of blood coming from it and leading across the yard. He followed it to his shed, scowling when he found it empty.

He turned away, frowning, and Sam appeared from nowhere, bludgeoning him and dragging him into the shed. Bobby struggled feebly against the blackness threatening to engulf him, unable to fight as Sam tied him to a chair. 'S-Sam...' Bobby gasped out as Sam stood back, looking down at him with those cold eyes. 'Listen to me. You don't want to do this. Sam. I've been like a father to you, boy. Somewhere inside, you've got to know that.'

Sam approached, pulling out a knife. 'Well, that's just it.' He shrugged a little. 'Sorry.' He raised the knife, preparing to bring it down, when a small force landed in the small of his back, knocking him to the floor and the knife out of his grasp. Sam grunted as he hit the deck, turning to see an puffed up and very red in the face James, who was panting and glaring right back at him. 'James...just walk away, kiddo. You don't need to get hurt.'

'I'm not gonna let you kill my grandpa!' The boy yelled, running at him. Sam kicked out, sending James flying into the wall behind Bobby and the old hunter yelled. The door to the shed exploded open, and growls echoed through. Sam's eyes widened as something landed on his chest, pinning him to the floor, hot breath in his face and drool landing on his cheek. James laughed from the other side of the room, able to see what Bobby and Sam couldn't. 'I don't think Fido likes you.'

Bobby raised an eyebrow. 'Fido?'

'My mom's hellhound.' James shrugged and Bobby's eyes widened.

'Your mom has a hellhound?'

'Well, I guess that explains a few things.' Dean's voice made all of them look towards the door, when he stood, arms folded, looking down at his brother who was pinned to the floor. 'Hi. We're back.'

* * *

Sam struggled in his chair in the panic room, his glare fixed on his brother. Bobby leant against the wall, suitably unimpressed with the younger Winchester brother. The door was open, and James loitered outside, watching as his mom came down the stairs, the hellhound at her feet. When she reached him, she smiled, crouching down to his level. 'Can you watch Fido for me, James? I might need to sleep a little after this.'

'Okay, Mom.' James smiled, and Fido padded over to sit beside him. Alex petted the hound's head, and it snuffled at her hand.

'Be a good boy, Fido.' She instructed, and the hound whimpered in reply. James rested his hand in the coarse fur at the back of Fido's neck, his eyes following his mom into the panic room. The sound of wings indicated Castiel's arrival, and he smiled at James hopefully. The boy simply scowled at him, the turned away, Fido trotting obediently beside him as he went upstairs. Cas sighed, turning to the panic room, where Alex stood watching him.

'He really doesn't like you.' She commented, thoughtfully. The angel didn't reply, stepping into the room to see Sam, who was glaring at all four of them.

'Are we ready to do this?' Dean asked. Sam's eyes settled on him. Castiel nodded, and gestured for Alex to sit next to her brother, in the chair without the restraints. Sam glanced to her quizzically, unsure of what was happening.

'Dean...' He started, before Castiel interrupted.

'Sam, you are going to be fine. Your soul is intact.' The angel looked at Alex, who took a deep breath. 'Your sister protected it for you.' Sam's eyes widened, and he stared at Alex, who continued to look straight ahead. Castiel reached out, placing his hand on Sam's chest. 'I'm not going to lie. This is going to hurt. But it will be momentary.' He paused, placing his hand on Alex at the same time. 'For you.' He took his eyes off Sam, looking to Alex, who remained stoic.

'It's for the best, Sam.' She muttered.

Sam didn't say anything, and Castiel closed his eyes, focusing on the two. Bobby left the room, heading up the stairs to find James, and Dean stayed, watching as the warm light from his sister seemed to move through Cas in into Sam. Sam screamed, as Alex closed her eyes, her jaw tense but the pain obvious. Castiel looked like he was pushing against Sam, and the light grew brighter, causing Dean to cover his eyes until it faded.

When he was able to see again, Sam was panting heavily, his eyes closed and sweat dripping down his forehead. Cas sat back on his haunches, his breathing matching Sam's, his hands on his knees as he looked up. Alex was out cold, a trickle of blood running from her nose, and Dean sprang forward, checking her pulse. He sighed in relief when he found it strong, his green gaze going to Cas. 'She's okay.'

'We'll see when she wakes up.' The angel replied, and Sam pulled his head up, groaning.

'What the hell...' He looked over at his brother and sister, eyes wide. 'Dean...Alex?' He went to move his hands, finding himself bound. Dean moved past Cas, his hands going to his brother's bindings.

'Sorry, Sammy. We had to keep you down.' Sam didn't say anything as Dean untied him, rubbing his wrists as he looked over at Alex.

'I...what happened, Dean? I'm remembering things but...it's fuzzy. Like I was watching it on TV or something.' He stood, as Castiel did the same, the angel's concern only for Alex. He bent down, picking her up from the chair, her head lolling back onto his shoulder as he cradled her. 'Is she okay?'

'She will recover.' Castiel said, his eyes fixed on her face. 'I will take her to her room.'

Dean stepped in front of him. 'I'll do it.'

'No.' Cas' voice was stern and Dean blinked at him. 'I will tend to her. You deal with your brother.'

'I don't think...' Dean started but Cas had disappeared with his sister, and he scowled at the space he'd occupied. 'Goddamit.'

'Dean, seriously. What happened?' Sam opened his arms to his brother. 'I remember the field, falling into the cage...then it's blurry. Out of focus. I know I was with Alex, but...'

Dean sighed, looking over at the open door. 'From what we've found out, Alex protected you. Your body was yanked out, apparently by Crowley. Who's dead now, by the way.' He motioned to the door. 'Let's take this upstairs. I'll fill you in on everything we know.' He paused. 'You might wanna give Fido a wide berth though. I don't think he likes you.'

* * *

'I thought you said he didn't like me?' Sam asked, as he sat the table, his eyes on the hound that rested it's head on his leg. After they had returned upstairs, Dean had filled him in on everything, and James had come into the kitchen seeking food, the hellhound in tow. Fido had seen Sam and immediately bounded over to him, seeking out the hunter's hand to be petted. It was then he'd revealed himself to Sam, who had been bewildered by the extremely large animal taking to him in such a way.

Dean chuckled. 'He didn't seem to like you when he had you pinned to the floor earlier. I guess he just didn't like the soulless version of you.'

'And that's weird in itself. I don't remember a damn thing.' Sam grumbled, picking at the sandwich Dean had made him. James jumped up into the chair next to him, pulling a piece of ham from his own sandwich and feeding it to Fido. Dean gave him a hard look and James shrugged.

'He doesn't need it, but life sucks without food.' The boy grinned, and patted the hounds head, looking up at Sam. 'So you're regular Uncle Sammy now? Not the scary Sammy?' He waited as Sam chuckled.

'I'm regular Uncle Sammy, kiddo. And it's good to see you too.'

'You don't feel cold any more. I didn't like that much.'

'God, you've grown so much.' Sam said wistfully. 'Looks more like you than ever, huh?' He looked up at Dean who shrugged. 'When we first found him, I was really hoping he'd take after me.'

'Yeah well, I'm the better looking brother.' Dean said, then ruffled James' hair. 'But he's taking after you in height.'

'Is Mom gonna wake up soon? I asked _him_ but he wouldn't say anything. I think he was crying.' James took a bite out of his sandwich as his two uncles looked at each other. Sam shrugged a little, and Dean frowned.

'I'll go check on her in a bit. Cas is...he's just worried, James.' The boy didn't respond beyond making a funny noise in his throat, then he finished his sandwich.

'I'm gonna go back out and help Grandpa Bobby in the yard.' He stood up, patting his leg. 'Come on, Fido!' He called and the hound removed itself from Sam's leg, trotting after the young boy. Both brothers watched them leave, before Dean shook his head.

'Man, I hate hellhounds. And here's James, acting like that one is his pet.'

'It seems friendly. And apparently Alex has something to do with that.' Sam's brow furrowed. 'I remember...god, it's frustrating. She kept everything from me. I remember the heat, the fighting, but I don't...I can't grasp the details.'

'She protected you, Sam. I'm not gonna be anything but grateful to her for it. She did what I would have done, if I could.' Dean sighed. 'We just gotta hope it didn't break her in the meantime.'


End file.
